Jingus

Mutoh seems to have the unerring ability to hire some of the worst guys to ever be fired by the WWE. Do these guys actually draw in Japan? How are All Japan's TV ratings? How've they been doing business-wise since they started pushing the clumsy gaijin?

It can be done, but it takes a shitload of effort (pardon the pun). You have to be able to kinda start & stop at will, and some people just don't have that type of control. Ever have one of those shits that feels like a pregnancy scene from a movie? Ya know, "Push! Push!" "Oh GOD it hurts!". Those suck. Wow, this reminds me of a random conversation me and two wrestlers had one time standing around in a driveway at 2AM, all about shitting. And of course that Chappelle Show skit.

I hold this thread up in the face of everyone who ever said that Flair should retire. God bless that crazy old man, and god bless Vince for keeping him employed.

Gunn is yet another one of those guys who really does have some talent, but while the WWF pushed him to the moon over and over again, they always did it in really dumbfuck fashion. Mr. Ass? Billy & Chuck? How could ANYONE get those gimmicks over? He was kinda clumsy, true. And his offense never made it past the 80s. But he could talk, he could bump, he had a great body, and he's supposedly a hell of a nice guy. In short, Billy Gunn is the world's best Lex Luger.

There are ways to deal with the smell, people. The most obvious is flushing as soon as you drop. Most homes and private bathrooms come equipped with fans; use 'em. Air freshener is self-explanatory, too.

Oh, and if at any time we could afford the extra server capacity, we should really change the board back to being able to be read by anyone. I hate boards that force me to sign in just so I can read what's posted, it always strikes me as being exclusionary and elitist.

I ate some of the hamburger helper, and Angel is almost over, so I just checked it again... and it's STILL GOING. They haven't even got to the part where Francine turns on the Pitbulls. Hamlet is shorter than this match. Das Boot is over in an eyeblink compared to this. Yeah, I know it's actually less than 50 minutes long, but still, jesus, it seems to take longer to end than your average ironman match.

I've just barely missed meeting the ICP on so many occasions that I think God wants to keep us apart for some reason. The weird part is that I'm not even that big a fan of theirs. Their music is okay, not great, their wrestling abilities are nonexistant. They do know how to make money, though. And their commentary is possibly the funniest I've ever heard. I dream about the day where I'm allowed to break kayfabe and swear like that on a wrestling show.

Meh. 255 battles is just too damn long. In that time period, I could've already taught Ultima to 2.5 people, which to me is much better than some sword that only a few people can use anyway. Sure, you combine it with the Offering and you get mega-damage, but by that point in the game you should have Ultima and Bum Rush and Atma Weapon and Gogo and so many ridiculous high-level attacks that the addition of one more just really doesn't matter that much. On the other hand, if you have a Game Genie for the SNES, there's a code that gives you the Illumina right at the beginning of the game. THAT makes a lot of early battles a hell of a lot easier, lemme tell ya.

I always hung around Scoops way back in the day, and never really found another "home site" once they closed down. I eventually found The Smarks some kinda way back when Keith was king, been here ever since.

Oh god yes, I tried for DAYS to figure out a way to beat Chupon. I thought that if maybe I could use the Jump Shoes along with that Dragon Horn thing that made the attack more powerful and then put it on a really high-level character who had very high dexterity then maybe I could kill him in the first hit, but it never worked. Friggin arena's dumbass AI was the source of many a thrown controller for me, I was constantly enraged from losing simple little battles that I easily could've won if I were just in control of my character.

So you put down the little paper seat covers that they specifically provide for that reason, or if those aren't available just cover it with toilet paper.

Aw, you pussies. If men weren't meant to shit in a public restroom, then the builders shouldn't have put sit-down toilets in there. However, I think that shitting should be a private experience, one to be shared with only the toilet and God, so I do strongly agree that grunting, swearing, flatulating, and generally shouting out to everyone within a 50-yard radius is a hideous practice and should be punished by caning. I too hate weak-ass toilets that barely flush at all. Acquire some water pressure and do your jobs right, you damn hygeine saboteurs. And people who can't control their penile aim and thus spray all over the room as if they were a lawn sprinkler should also be punished with caning. Of the penis.

That's the first time I've ever heard of invading the theater itself and carding everyone like that. But it's pretty common for theaters to be more bitchy these days about carding people at the door, since they do get fined if the cops find out they've been letting kids into R rated movies. As for nightclubs, here in the US I don't think I've ever been to one that didn't card me.

There are a few recurring themes: chocobos, moogles, airships, Cid, summoned monsters/espers/aeons, similar magic spells, so forth & so on. But they clearly don't all take place on the same world in the same plane of reality. About the World of Ruin: yeah, there were a shitload of annoying loose threads that never got tied up. Why had none of the characters found each other and banded back together a full year afterwards? Why was Narshe abandoned? What happened to all the various characters who just disappeared? HOWever, I don't think that it's that bad a problem, for one reason: having the world almost destroyed in such a manner is such a devastating event that there really would be a lot of unexplained mysteries like that afterwards. We might never know the real story about what happened to this city or that person. Kinda makes the game more realistic in some ways. Great thread, everyone. Keep it up.

The only thing I would've changed about NFA: when Wesley blasts Vail with that last bit of magic, well, it just seems so out of character for him to do that. Wesley was never a great wizard. I wish he would've popped the shotgun out of nowhere and blasted Vail across the room in the exact same way instead.

Weird how TNA now actually has a better tag-team roster than WWE, which was never true before. Between all the teams they've got (AMW, Team Canada, Naturals, 3 Live Kru, Kash/Hoyt) and the ones they could easily put back together in the near future (NAO, Outsiders, Hardys, XXX) that is truly one hell of a list of talent. Too bad they never do anything worth a damn with any of them, though.

Now THAT'S just bloodyawful wrongness.

Depends on your actual definition of mythology. At one point or another, the old myths were believed to be literally true, while no sane adult has ever really believed in Batman.

Now THAT'S funny.

Carnival: I was present for dozens of live TNA weekly ppvs in my former hometown of Nashville. Believe me when I say that not one person in that entire building wanted Jarrett to keep the title on himself.

Almost every joint in my body makes a crack. I can get eighteen distinct individual sounds from my fingers alone. Aside from that I can crack my wrists, jawbone, elbows, shoulders, knees, ankles, toes, and pretty much my entire spinal column. Why yes, severely-to-crippling arthritis does run in my family, howdidyaknow?

I like Roger's work in general and agree with most of his reviews, but there are many exceptions. Giving thumbs down to Fight Club comes to mind.

I just wish they'd spend more time on matches.

Ebert has had some dumb, dumb, duuuuuuumb reviews through the years. Giving 3.5 stars to a certain cinematic masterpiece named Anaconda comes to mind.