Jingus

I really liked Crash, but I'm pretty much a majority of one in that opinion.

My thoughts: if you don't want to get shot at, don't join the army. If you don't want to get burned, don't be a fire fighter. If you don't like exercising, don't sign up to be an athlete. If you don't want to be mocked in every single Jay Leno monologue for four years in a row, don't run for President. And if you can't stand to be on the receiving end of a lot of mean-spirited verbal and practical jokes, then stay the fuck away from wrestling.

I respect anyone with the athletic talent and artistic ambition it takes to have a 55-minute TLC match, but damn, it was a serious case of overkill. They simply did way too many massive "OMFG he's gotta be dead!" spots to make it even halfway believable that either one of these guys would still be on their feet after the first 30 minutes. Oh, and that match happened two or three years ago, Hero has gotten better since then and has developed into a fine technical wrestler, but he does still kinda look like a backyarder.

I don't know if I could defend Zombie as a "good movie" with a straight face, but it's entertaining as hell for horror fans and definitely worth having, if only for the zombie-vs.-shark fight scene.

And when he finally did change, it was for the worse. Remember the porn-star outfits he wore during X-Factor that made him look even skinnier than he was? Lemme say again... X-Factor. You couldn't have a better prototype for designing a stable that the fans would shit all over.

Tha fuck?! What do those consist of?

Especially since they revealed later that the Corporation was secretly rigging all of Rock's matches that night anyway.

Um, did ya not read the first post in the thread?

Heh. Of the suggestions that got used, ten of 'em were the ones I championed back on page 2. Jingus = power behind the throne. Now, you! Get me a Thickburger and a quarter sack. Yeah, I mean you.

"Best in the world" is a stretch, but he was pretty damn good. Waltman, Jerry Lynn, Sabu, Al Snow, and RVD all came up around the same time in the midwestern indies, all working kinda similar styles. If you want to see a few decent old Lightning Kid matches, get your hands on a copy of the New Japan 1993 Top of the Super Juniors round-robin tournament, where he has pretty good little matches against Ohtani and Eddy. I think X-Pac got so roundly hated for the following reasons: 1. Injuries did play a huge factor, as Waltman slowed down tenfold around 2000 compared even to his days as Syxx, plus he just couldn't bump and fly like he used to. This led to him often wrestling a heavyweight style, despite weighing maybe a buck-thirty at best. 2. Let's face it, nobody has ever been as weirdly sympathetic a babyface as pre-unmasking Kane, and it did piss off a shitload of marks when Pac turned on him and worse yet proceeded to beat him time and again in matches over the next six months. 3. Degeneration-X 3.0 (the McMahon-Helmsley Factime era) didn't help him any. The team of X-Pac and Road Dogg had zero chemistry together, and were always treated as worthless sidekicks to The Game, yet they still beat the Hardyz, the Dudleys, and E&C about a million times each. Fans didn't like these assholes, didn't like their matches, and were so tired of seeing them win every damn week. 4. X-Factor. Do I really need to specify?

Plus a couple new suggestions. Puroresu: LARIATOOOOOOOO. (And don't feed the Coey.) Misc. Wrestling: we dare you to post a card that doesn't feature Homicide, Chris Hero, or Super Dragon. TV & Movies: Family Guy fan club badge required for entry.

Not if they're given a finishing move by a serious wrestler six seconds beforehand, no. I've gotten pinned by a girl in a fifteen-second match, I wasn't humiliated. What about every single time HBK's used Sweet Chin Music on anyone taller than 6'3"? There have been a few other cases. In what might've been the worst match ever released by Colisseum Video (think about what THAT means) Kendo Nagasaki beat Jim Duggan with a halfassed thrust kick to the chest. And Nobuhiku Takada once shoot knocked out Bob Backlund with a massive shot right to the solar plexus. In the words of Jake Roberts: "You could use a headlock for a finish, if nobody ever got out of it. They'd be chanting "HEAD-LOCK! HEAD-LOCK!"."

One thing I've never understood: why losses like that are considered humiliating. Yeah, David "pinned" Benoit, but it was clearly DDP who did the damage. In fact, same thing when Sarataker pinned DDP: it was immedietly following a chokeslam from Taker on the floor, shouldn't Page have logically been knocked unconcious by that anyway?

Nah, Danielson is the next Regal. I haven't seen a "next Benoit" yet.

Al's gloriously alive, Ted is rightfully dead. And King Kong showed up to play a bit part on Al's show. So... Al > King Kong >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Ted

We should sign a match: Giant Black Ass Girl vs. Liberal Pikachu Thing. Of course, it'd probably last all of 1.5 seconds before the girl sat on the thing and killed it.

Menthols explained, in the words of Johnny Kashmere: "I don't want to wait til I get home to get the tumor. I want the tumor NOW."

Now THAT'S funny. That is the single most entertaining post I've ever seen on any blog anywhere. Gold.

Oh yeah. My dad used to work part-time for a Domino's in an upper-class little town where a lot of country music stars lived, and plenty of them tended to give a ten or a twenty as a tip. You have not lived until you've seen a bunch of grown men arguing over who gets to drive a pizza to an Oak Ridge Boy's house.

He looks like James Gandolfini and Wallace Shawn somehow fucked and had a kid.

Rick Wilson had been wrestling for at least 2 years before he arrived in WCW. Shhh, you're ruining my creatively licensed sob story. The legdrop was legitimized as a murder-death-kill finisher forever once Hogan pinned Andre with it, period. (And did anyone else notice how Hogan absolutely squashed him with it at WMIII, landing ass-first on the Giant's face?) At Wrestlemania 19: it took 3 Rock Bottoms for the Rock to beat Austin, it took 3 legdrops for Hogan to beat Vince, it took 3 F-5's for Brock to beat Angle, but bah gawd it only took 1 Pedigree for HHH to beat Booker T. Vader was losing to EVERYONE by the end of his WWF run. We're talking clean jobs to Jeff Jarrett and Al Snow here, plus everyone from Owen Hart on down was tossing him around like it was nothin'. Some Guy, I love that avatar.

The only time I bother pointing out someone's spelling/grammar mistakes is if they're bitching at someone else for being stupid. If you're gonna call someone else an idoit, at least spell the word right.

For years, I'd heard about some movie called Office Space. Had never seen an ad for it, had never seen it on TV or noticed it at the video store. Just had a bunch of my friends telling me I HAD to see this movie. Well, I did, and hey, they were right. (Peter Gibbons even drives the same kind of car as me!)

What. The. FUCK. If anyone ever deserved a mailbomb, the guy who wrote that does.

The Renegade's story is indeed a sad one, showing how a big corporation can unthinkingly murder somebody. You take some muscled-up young jock right out of school who doesn't know anything about wrestling, you make him watch every Ultimate Warrior match, you make him train for a couple weeks in the Powerplant, you give him the Renegade gimmick, you give him a big-ass push, you let him "beat" everyone who steps in the ring with him, you give him the TV Title, all in a transparently avaricious attempt to capitalize on the Ultimate Warrior's success. And for about 15 seconds, it works, and the kid basks in the warmth that only thousands cheering fans can provide. Well, guess what? He doesn't get over. The gimmick sucks and so does his wrestling. "You're fired, kid. Hit the road." And so a young man has several of his prime years stolen out from under him. The employees and fans of the only career he's ever known all despise him, for things which weren't his fault. He can't get a job wrestling, he has no other job skills, and hey, are those wrinkles on my face?! No wonder the poor schmuck killed himself.