JJ Johnson

And so the tables turn. Check everyone's deflection ratings and arrange your lines around who's really good at that. Then, slappers from the point like there's no tomorrow. Once you've drawn more coverage towards the point, back to Patrice. What do your lines look like in loco Zherdev?

I only get my ass kicked when I'm the Bruins, which is part of the reason I picked them. This way, I'll have more of a sense of accomplishment than if I had just picked my favorite team (Detroit). I've started playing teams really close, and in some cases outplaying them, only for a few lucky bounces to go their way, so I predict I'll be winning quite frequently by, at latest, the trade deadline.

Pseudo-midseason report! 32 games in, I'm 6-24-2 and 7 games out of 14th in the East, and four of those wins are games I simmed. My goalies are a platoon of Tim Thomas, Alex Auld and Jonathan Bernier, who will wake up later in his career in a cold sweat screaming "One-timers!" On the plus side, I'm a lock for that number one draft pick. Poor eight wins Minnesota doesn't stand a chance! EDIT: I did increase my firepower remarkably by trading Tomas Holmstrom straight up for Milan Hejduk, presumably because Colorado is stupid. New lines! Bertuzzi-Savard-Hejduk Schaefer-Kessel-Zherdev Axelsson-Nokelainen-Kobasew Franzen-Krejci-Amonte Chara-Johnson Pitkanen-Ference Lashoff-Wideman Patrice Bergeron, French Canadian that he is, has fractured his ankle and will be out another six games or so.

Tim Thomas emails me every month asking for a trade. It's like Charles Manson emailing the parole board asking for them to deny him. Way ahead of you, Chuck.

Tim Thomas is officially scratched up until that point. I gave up 7 shots against Florida in the entire first quarter and he let three in, and I lost 4-3 a game I should have won 3-1 and probably would have with Auld, so it's good to see that it's not just me. If Bernier holds up, I might deal him and Rask for separate pieces of offensive firepower. EDIT: And this is the second straight month that Bergeron has emailed me apologizing for sucking dicks in hell. Is there some way to remedy this or do I just wait until he's good again?

Fortunately, Bernier is apparently hot, so I called him up. Seems like it's still too early for trades though, I'm 25ish games in and can't get anything for either Thomas or Rask.

Tim Thomas and Tuukka Rask both want trades. In Thomas' case, I can't trade him fast enough, but I'd rather not let a prospect of Rask's caliber go for the kind of deals people will give me. Alex Auld will hold up fine in goal - thanks to him, I'm losing 4-3 instead of 8-3! - but obviously, I'd like to shop them around for a real starter. I assume I could get a better goalie by packaging Rask and Thomas, but The Gospel of Max says don't trade more than one player for anybody. A sticky wicket indeed.

I had Bernier as my backup and let him take a few lumps. I figured NHL experience would be good for him, even if he was getting shelled. I sent him back to Providence when they recommended I call up Alex Auld, though.

Goblin's 12 are up, so I present... the man! The myth! The possible answer to "What does Brian do?"! Brian Bellows, W 3-time All Star 485 goals 537 assists Name is a complete sentence Youngest captain in NHL history; was an interim, which is why the record is Crosby's

Oh, I can't even imagine playing a hockey game without the sticks anymore. Patrice Bergeron sent me an e-mail apologizing for playing so poorly (2 G, 2 A, 8 PIM, -15, and one of those goals was an empty-netter). That's an awesome touch.

Have any of you had any luck trading for picks? I can't even get 5th rounders off of teams.

Feel free at this point to simply guffaw at my ineptitude, but I usually try that and it never works. The thing about defense is that I give up a reasonable amount of shots, usually around 30, but they always put up anywhere from 5 to 9 to, in this current game against San Jose, 7 (to my 0). I really think it's the goalie. Surprise, nobody wants Tim Thomas or the backup I got along with Jack Johnson for Manny Fernandez, Jon Bernier. EDIT: Never mind! 7-1! Petteri Nokelainen, bless your mediocre little heart.

Anaheim just ran Tim Thomas out of the net in the first period. Down 5-1 going into intermission. EDIT: 6-1 30 seconds into period 2. EDIT AGAIN: 9-1 final. Perhaps there's an option to equip my players with guns, either to shoot opponents or, rapidly becoming the more enticing option, themselves.

Savard leads the team with points in the 70s? And they say the NHL series isn't realistic. I'll work on the offense, though. Do you mess with the deke stick at all? I never touch the thing.

Ah, see, I've parked myself in front of the net and just start poke checking, or trying to muscle people who park their way for the easy one-timers I keep giving up out of the way. This doesn't solve my inability to score goals, though. I just lost to Phoenix 5-1. I try to set up at the point and so on and so forth and get rebounds. Is that another thing I should be leaving to the CPU, because I don't think it puts them in on its own.

Went back to my old NHL game standby, Boston. Traded for speed on defense, bulked up on offense (Bertuzzi, Holmstrom, Zherdev), changed my strategy to Protect The Net, went shot for shot with Dallas (34), was on the attack for almost ten minutes, checked the shit out of people, and lost 9-3. This is either Tim Thomas' fault or mine, and I'm 90% sure it's me. It doesn't help I can't score to save my life. For the sake of at the very least liking my lines, my lines: Holmstrom-Bergeron (A)-Zherdev Bertuzzi-Savard-Kessel Lucic-Franzen-Axelsson Nokelainen-Krejci-Kobasew Chara ©-Pitkanen Johnson (A)-Ference Lashoff-Wideman

Fun fact! My grandfather used to babysit Marty and Mark Howe, and often took delight in the fact that Mr. Hockey used to pay him to spend time in his house.

He really is the best all-around player in the NHL today. Of course, usually my opinion wouldn't count for much because I'm a Detroit fan, but in this case the numbers back me up.

Certainly a steal from me, you jerk. In retrospect, I should have snagged Hank, as Tkachuk probably would have made it back to me. EDIT: Hank wasn't my cough-censored gut choice, though.

Well, chemistry and all that. Until picking Keith The Unspellable, I had three centers that were also captains, and I don't like the idea of all chiefs and no indians on offense, or I would have gone with my gut and picked *hrm, haw, cough*. You know what I mean?

Keith Tkachuk, W 4 time NHL All Star One of four Americans to 500 goals First American to lead the league in goals (52, 1996-1997) Phoenix/Winnipeg franchise record for career GWG Finally, somebody that's not a center.

I started a Vancouver franchise, figuring that what they lacked in offensive depth would be made up for by Roberto Luongo. In 4 games, Luongo has given up 16 goals. I want to trade him, but it's hard to trade goalies in this game because the ratings are never really accurate. Kiprusoff is practically a cardboard cutout, while Josh Harding is an absolute monster. Recommendations?

Are we giving Treble the crashed board benefit of the doubt or is it Smartly's pick?

I forget whether MANSON and I were ever officially known as Blood and THUNDER. We should have been.

You'd think so. Unless we've gone and changed the 12 hour limit to three hours.