JJ Johnson

I suppose I should put up my stats before people start grumbling. "I can't write my match because I don't know what moves you do!" Selfish whiners, the lot of you.

All of you shark voters for sea battles are forgetting barracudas. Barracudas are lean, mean killing machines, and they're scary looking.

Greg Ostertag, just because in basketball games, he was always announced as Greg! OOOOOOOOSTERTAAAAAAAG! When you're at the age where you ask your cousins how many points rebounds are worth, that shit's a rallying cry. I'll let the question continue because I love to hear about names from the past that nobody will remember and are kind of a generational running joke.

My wish is for the Cowboys to make a big splash in the offseason, specifically Julius Jones somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. Surely the league is not devoid of guys to break off the occasional twenty-yarder while spending the rest of their time making it to the line of scrimmage and falling down (in true Eddie George post-Lorenzo Neal fashion!), and since Barber no doubt deserves the starting job, maybe Dallas could trade him for a receiver to help bolster that area of the offense when TO gets hurt.

When Carlito fights, does he give 80% and figure that'll hold up?

He should have thought before he tried to talk trash in your Calgary-Toronto-Montreal hood.

If you end up getting the pug, name it Alaska. Not only is it a contrast with the pug (big, quiet, pleasant to look at), but it's gender-neutral. Alternatively, name it Crowbar. That way you can scare off potential intruders. Who's going to stick around to see what kind of dog somebody would name Crowbar?

Slayer's next (and, according to Tom Araya, last) album could make it out by the end of 2008. I fear Slayer's not going to end well, but I guess dread is a form of anticipation. I also listened to "My Pal, the Tortoise" after being amused by that hall of records line, and enjoyed it, so I anticipate that I'll enjoy more whatever the fuck that was, but I guess that's not really in the spirit of the thread.

Is aware that Cheech is apparently no longer five tool ugly.

Pavlon was one of the lesser-known Transformers. You ring a bell, and he turns into a helicopter.

Capitalizing "fuckin'" makes it sound like a flavor. If I didn't hate Powerade so much, I would probably try Fuckin' Grape. In relation to hating Powerade, I love Gatorade, but only recently found out that it's made by Pepsi. Being staunchly anti-Pepsi, this broke my heart.

I'm surprised the Cowboys don't get called for having too few men on the field every time Julius Jones is in the game.

Matt Jung emphasizes the importance of spirituality and places great faith in synchronicity when he's not posting pictures of his coked-up ex or trying to show reluctant message boarders his cock.

The Bears find a pretty good replacement for Tank, picking up Darwin Walker from the Bills for a 5th rounder.

God Hates Us All above Show No Mercy? That's really weird, but different strokes. Anyway, Dark Tranquillity. 1. The Gallery 2. Character 3. Fiction 4. Damage Done 5. Projector 6. The Mind's I 7. Skydancer 8. Haven

Am I the only one really, really tired of everyone pretending the Titans didn't go 13-3 in 1999, the same record they had in 2000? People always try to make it sound like they limped into the playoffs. They luck out against Buffalo, crush Indianapolis and Jacksonville, and lose by a yard in the Super Bowl and all of a sudden they're the team whose luck ran out. It's ridiculous. Anyway, does anybody know who's playing behind Romo? It's probably Drew Henson, but I can still hope.

Dallas will win the NFC East, but only because the Redskins are the Redskins, McNabb will get hurt again, and the Giants will crumble by not having Tiki and having to lean on The Mailman for offense. That, and Dallas has a fairly soft schedule. I really hope that Wade Phillips doesn't get upset with Julius Jones' perennial lack of production and play Marion Barber full-time, because I don't think Barber has the stamina to be an every down back.

Dibs.

And in Nashville, Kimmo Timonen's replacement is... Greg De Vries. 2 years, 5 million dollars. To recap, Nashville have lost Scott Hartnell, Kimmo Timonen, Paul Kariya and Tomas Vokoun, and thus far have replaced them with Greg De Vries and Radek Bonk. On the plus side, this year Chris Mason gets to play a whole lot more. If they weren't in a division with St. Louis, Columbus, and Chicago, I'd be very worried about this upcoming season.

I like that this is filed under "Techniques".

He sat on it like Horton.

I call this one Windy's love life:

Nobody argues with MANSON once. He can smell dissent. Zero tolerance.

My router shat out. I'll get my stuff in soon enough.