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Friday's "events" kept me up all night and threw off my sleep schedule damnit. lesson learned. So, I quit my job. I have enough money saved up that I can chill for a little bit. Also I'm moving to Omaha with my cousins. Plus I will be closer to mah boy Lushus. I'm totally stoked to get out of the ghetto. Living alone sucks. Especially after a fairly nasty break up. Moving back in with my cousin is big bonus, as I never wanted to move out on him in the first place, a year ago. I can count the number of times I've cried in the last 6 or 7 years on one hand. Once during the Eddie Guerrero Tribute set to "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. shut up. Only once for about 30 seconds during the break up. And 3 more times after moving out and talking with various people(mom, sister, ex) about what I'd done. So I'm super hyped to lovingly refer to him as "retard" and make him get me fast food! Also can't wait to gang up with his brother to beat his ass. Thats always a good time for almost everyone involved. edit: My eyes also "watered" or welled up on two occasions, Benoit winning the World Title at WMXX, and when Obi-Wan said his "you were the chosen one..." line in Episode 3. Well that was rather revealing...i blame the lack of sleep. Now back to the normal Carnival with no feelings. *fucks whore* *snorts a line* *busts caps* *robs niggas*

Now that we have officially broken up, Kari is completely depressed and crying at random times. I don't understand, she is the one that stopped loving me and she is the one who wanted this. Why is she more upset than me? I wouldn't say I'm totally fine with. I mean it sucks hardcore, probably the worst thing thats happened to me in my life. But I'm just so angry over the whole thing that I'm not extremly saddened by it. I'm sad about the whole situation, but when I think about it I just get so angry and feel so bitter about it. All the hurt she caused me turned into hating and I was getting more and more enraged everyday. I don't want this to happen and I wish it never did. But I don't think there is any going back to the way it was. She has ruined that. I'll never trust her as a girlfriend again. She pounded it in my head for 2 years that she hated people who were shady and sneaky, then thats what she became. My opinion of her has changed greatly. I honestly lost a lot of respect for her, I always thought she was good person, better than me. She's still a generally good person, but she's changed so much, and the thing is she's changed into everything her and I used to hate. I really think she's feeling guilty about she's done and what she has caused us to become. I think she realizes she has become something different and she's upset about it.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea...0308555A9212265 I hope that one day, I am cool enough to post song lyrics on my myspace blog as a way of trying to tell my significant other something. because it sure isn't childish and moronic. despising her more and more everyday.

Well here is the whole story. Please give advice. My girl of 2 and 1/2 years recently starting hanging out with this group of people. It's a mixed group, guys and girls. I've never hung out with them, cuz they aren't my type of people(getting drunk, acting like children). She started hanging out with them about 4 months ago and I immediately saw a change in her. Less sex, less touching, and an overall obsession with these people. Well about 3 months ago we had a big discussion about it and she told me that she is feeling less attracted to me and stuff. I told her that we shouldn't move into a new place with a new 1 year lease if she thinks something is about to happen. She agreed and said nothing would happen. So we signed the lease, big mistake. The sex stopped, the touching stopped. She became more obsessed with these people and other guys in general. I noticed this so began watching what went down on my computer. I saw some foul shit. She was complaining to a guy that she feels trapped and just wants to get out and live her life and stuff like that. When I approached her about it, she said she felt that way, but wanted to work on it. Note at this point we had been working on it for months now. She said she is really confused on "just needs to figure things out". OK. I think her major motivation for wanting to work on it is money. Without me she would have to move out of the nice duplex we rent, and would lose the use of my computer. She says it is a factor, but she loves me and thats the main factor. I honestly am not sure if I buy that. She says she loves me more as a friend now but wants things to back to how they were. But she still is obsessed with her friends and puts me in 2nd place. All she does all night long is talk to them on the internet about god knows what, she never really wants to interact with me. I want to give her time to work on it, but I think she is just dragging me along at this point. I have no idea what I should do. At this point she refuses to talk about it, and says "she doesn't want that stuff dragging her day down". I really think it would be best for me to just move out and not speak with her. I think thats what she would want if she didn't have to move and would still have access to the internet. This has been killing me for months now, and it sucks that I can't talk about it with her, without her getting mad and just leaving. Advice?

Just got back from my vacation in Estes Park, Colorado. It was a good time. Wasn't the first time I'd been there, but it was the funnest.

well Myspace has given me more evidence of what a horrible person my girlfriend has become. I was reading her messages which I haven't done in a few weeks, and which she does to mine probably everyday. And she told some guy that he was fine. And she jumped my case months ago for doing the same, so I stopped doing that. Now she is doing it, what a hypocrite. Well it's not like I haven't seen her do it on AIM either. I will give her the benefit of the doubt this time. The guy pulled a classic emo move and said how ugly he was, and she just said "Nah, your fine." so it could have just meant he wasn't ugly. She then pulled the same classic emo move on him, but to no avail. no compliment, he did ask her what she was doing this weekend. Little does he know she is fucking her white trash metal loser friends so she won't have time to fuck him. Only kidding, but not really. I will update with the complete story of what is going on and ask for some advice later.

I forgot I had this thing. I went to Colorado again, this time I went to see Kari's brother who recently moved to Silverthorne after to we went to Estes and he realized how much he loved the mountains. He got a job as a mechanic at a chevy dealership, the same job he had before, but this time for like double the pay. He lives in a nice apartment above a mexican grocery store, which I think is a front, cuz there were mexicans in and out of that thing non-stop! I think they are selling a little more than tortillas. So Friday night we went to Breckinridge and got drunk, it was pretty fun. My favorite part of the night was a rap show we went to for like 5 bucks. They were local rappers from I'm assuming Denver and they sucked, but it was still cool. That area of the mountains has a free bus system that runs at night, so you can get as drunk as you want and just take the bus home. Pretty good idea. Saturday I watched Nebraska get killed then we went to Vail which was ok, not much to see really. Saturday night we went out to Frisco on the bus, but it didn't have to nightlife that Breckinridge did, so we went home. Drove forever back to Nebraska, and I'm stuck at work again, I have to work 9 straight days thanks to another schedule swap. So this week and next week are gonna suck.

Some Deer like creatures in the Desert Dome Burmuse(sp) Python in the Rainforest Tapairs in the Rainforest Blue Penguins, my favorite one is the dirty one who is looking in the opposite direction of the others. He stared at me while I ate lunch. Sleeping Gorilla in the new Gorilla Forest exibit, which i thought sucked. Some Monkies begging for a Cheezit. Great face on this Sun Bear. Huge friggin Tiger This cougar was pissed! Depressed Lion who just layed there the whole time.

Time to do one of these Livejournal-esque surveys.....copy if you'd like BASICS 001. What is your name: Ethan 002. Spell your name backwards: Nahte 003. Birth day: April 6, 1982 004. Male or female: Male 005. Astrological sign: Aries 006. Nicknames: none really 007. Occupation: Tech support 008. Height: 6'2" 009. Weight: 145lbs 010. Hair color: brown. 011. Eye color: Hazel, it changes colors from green to grey to brown. 012. Where were you born: Pawnee City, NE. 013. Where do you reside now: Lincoln, NE. 015. Screen names: FiveDollarFetus (AIM), madrox200 (yahoo). 016. E-mail addy: yahoo 017. What does your screen name stand for: nothing really. 018. What is your TSM name: CarnivalizComing 019. What does your TSM name stand for: the carnival's arrival 020. Pets: 2 cats. 021. .. of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake: no cake 022. Piercings: none 023. Tattoos: None, yet. 024. Shoe size: 11.5 025. Righty or lefty: Righty. 026. Wearing: Atmosphere Tshirt and jeans 027. Hearing: people talk about DSL 028. Feeling: tired 029. Eating/drinking: a coke LOVE 061. Have you ever been in love: Yeah. 062. How many people have you said "I love you" to: family 063. How many people have you been in love with: 1. 064. How many people have you kissed: no clue 065. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex: not sexually 066. How many people have you dated: probably dated only about 5 067. What do you look for in a guy/girl: Ass, boobs, bitchyness level 068. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: Ass, boobs 069. What type of guy / girl do you usually go for: Goth 073. Do you have a crush right now: yes 074. If so who is it: HTQ..don't tell him. 075. Do you believe in love at first sight: No. 076. Do you remember your first love: Yeah. 077. Who is the first person you kissed: can't remember 078. Do you believe in fate: No 079. Do you believe in soul mates: No 080. If so do you believe you'll ever find yours: n/a ENTERTAINMENT 121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life: i don't know 122. What's the most embarrasing cd you own: DC Talk or Mortal Kombat soundtracks 123. What's the best cd you own: Dark Lotus - Tales from the Lotus Pod 124. What song do you absolutely hate: "homies" ICP 125. Do you sing in the shower: sometimes 126. What song reminds you of that special someone: "modern man's hustle" Atmosphere FAVOURITES 152. Color: Red/Black/Green. 153. Food: Pizza i guess 154. Song: "nothing's left" ICP 155. Show: Family Guy, Futurama, The Cosby Show, Aqua Teens, Fresh Prince, Roseanne, wrestling 156. School subject: History 157. Band/singer/artist: rapper: Violent J or Monoxide 159. Outfit: ? 160. Radio station: None..I hate the radio. 161. Movie: Sixth Sense, Big Money Hustlas 162. Pair of shoes: Orange Nike Chanjos 163. Cartoon: Futurama, Family Guy, Aqua teens 164. Actor: Bruce Willis, Will Smith 165. Actress: ? 166. Potato chip: BBQ or Jalapano 167. Drink: Mountain Dew 168: Soda: Mountain Dew 169. Holiday: Christmas 170. Perfume/cologne: Tommy or Very Sexy 171. Pizza topping: Cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, black olives. 172. Jello flavor: lime 173. Lunch meat: Honey Turkey. 174. Card game: Poker i guess 175. Video game: Mortal Kombats 176. Website: none 177. Book: Foley's. Violent J's 178. Computer game: None 180. Cereal: Frosted Flakes 181. Comedian: Mitch Hedberg..RIP 182. Dessert: none 183. Disney character: Scar from the Lion King 187. Childhood toy: Toy Dinosaurs 189. Candy bar: Reese's. 190. Magazine: i used to read The Source...until i found out they were racist. 191. Salad dressing: Ranch, Dorthy Lynch 192. Thing to do on the weekend: sleep, watch wrestling DVD's 194. Season: Summer 196. Person to talk to online: smarks SLEEP 197. What color are your sheets: Gray with black swirlie things. 198. What color are your bedroom walls: White. 199. Do you have posters on your wall: Yeah a couple. 200. If so of what: kittie and korn all my gf's 201. Do you have a tv in your bedroom: Yeah. 202. How many pillows are on your bed: 4 203. What do you normally sleep in: undies. 205. What size bed do you have: Full. 206. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed: No, I just have a BED. I have a fold-out couch in my living room..if that even qualifies as a second bed. 207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom: No. 209. Describe the last nightmare you had: i don't know, something about vampires 210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: no 211. How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed? 2 212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions: On my back or on my left side 213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling: No. 214. Do you snore: no 215. How about drool: No. 216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room: 2..Kari's and mine 217. What color is the carpet in your room: I don't know..an off-white color? 218. What's under your bed: Nothing..there is no "under my bed". There's just a mattress, then box springs, then floor. &THIS OR THAT 219. Loser / wannabe: loser 220. Doughnuts / bagels: doughnuts 221. Day / night: night 222. Wicked witch of the east / wicked witch of the west: eastside 223. Heaven / hell: duh 224. Make love / have sex: sex 225. Coffee / tea: both 226. Hamburgers / hotdogs: Hamburgers. 227. Rap / rock: rap 228. Britney / Christina: Christina. 234. McDonalds / Taco Bell: taco bell 235. Sweet / sour: both 236. Punk / emo: niether 237. Hot / cold: hot 238. Winter / summer: Summer. 239. Spring / fall: Spring. 240. Operas / plays: niether 241. Read / watch tv: Watch TV. 242. CDs / tapes: CDs. 243. DVDs / VHS: DVDs. 244. Old / new: Both are good, depends, though. 245. Shorts / skirts: Shorts on me, skirts on girls 246. Pink / red: Red. 247. Colored pictures / B&W photos: Colored. 248. Meat / vegetables: meat 249. Mexican food / Chinese food: Mexican 250. Commercials / infomercials: Infomercials 251. Scary movies / comedies: scary 252. Bikinis / one piece bathing suits: Bikinis, not on me HAVE YOU EVER 331. Mooned anyone: Yeah. 332. Been on a diet: nope 333. Been to a foreign country: nope 334. Broken a bone: yes, my arm 335. Swallowed a toothcap/filling: nope 336. Swear at a teacher: yep 337. Talked to an TSM member via e-mails or instant messages: no 338. Got in a fight: ya 339. Dated a teacher: No. 340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants: no 341. Thought about killing your enemy: maybe 342. Gone skinny dipping: no 343. Met another TSM member in the flesh: no 344. Told a little white lie: yes 345. Told a secret you swore not to tell: yes 346. Stolen anything: yes 347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid: I don't know? 348. Been on TV: front row nitro 349. Been on the radio: No. 350. Been in a mosh pit: Yeah. 351. Been to a concert: Yeah. 352. Dated one of your best friends: no 353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry: no 354. Deceived somebody close to you: Probably. 355. Broken the law: Yeah. 356. Been to a rodeo: damnit, once. 357. Been on a talk show: No. 358. Been on a game show: No. 359. Been on an airplane: No 360. Got to ride on a firetruck: yes. 361. Came close to dying: i took a massive neck bump when i rolled my car, thats the closest. 363. Gave someone a piggy back ride: Yeah. 364. Terrorized a babysitter: no. 365. Made a mud pie: No. 366. Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff: ya. 367. Snuck out of the house at night: Yes. 368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name: no. 370. Felt like you didn't belong: Sure. 371. Felt like the 3rd wheel: Oh yeah. 372. Smoked: yes 373. Done drugs: weed thats it. 374. Been arrested: Nope. 375. Had your tonsils removed: No. 376. Gone to camp: basketball camp 377. Won a bet: ya. 378. Written a love letter: probably back in JR high. 379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love: sure. 380. Written a love poem: no 381. Kissed in the rain: No. 382. Slow danced with someone you love: no, god this thing is emo. 383. Went on webcam nude: i showed my dick to some girl once. 384. Faked an orgasm: no 385. Stolen a kiss: no 386. Asked a friend for relationship advice: sure 387. Had a friend steal your boyfriend / girlfriend: nah, they've tried 388. Watched the sunset / rise with someone you love: no. 389. Gotten a speeding ticket: yes. 390. Done jail time: No. 391. Had to wear a uniform to work: no 392. Won a trophy: sure 393. Thrown up in public: no 394. Bowled a perfect game: No. 395. Failed / got held back: No. 396. Got perfect attendance: No. 400. Cut yourself: haha no 425. Do you believe in aliens: maybe, not sure 426. Name three things that are next to your computer: Cigarettes, mountain dew, cell phone. 427. Do you have any hidden talents: no 428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos: MTV is horrible. 429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be: ? 430. What would your movie star name be: Ethan? 431. Do you play any sports: I played basketball in HS and college, thats it. 432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen: the ring maybe? 433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently: STAR WARS. 434. What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen: Kill Bill. I didn't even finish it. 435. Do you drive: Yes. 436. What is your dream car: a new style mercury cougar 437. Do you think you are good looking: sure 438. Do others think you are good looking: sure 439. Would you ever sky dive: No. 440. Do you believe in Bigfoot: probably not 441. How many rooms do you have in your house: In my APARTMENT? 4...5 if you want to include my closet. Haha. 442. Are you afraid of roller coasters: yes 456. What is your weakness: Cigarettes. 457. Name something you can't get enough of: Cigarettes,porn, and mountain dew 458. Describe yourself in 3 adjectives: no 459. How many kids do you want to have: 2..one boy, one girl. 462. What is your ideal way to die: ? 463. How do you release stress: i don't 470. Who is the last person to e-mail you: I don't know. 471. Who is the last person to IM you: ? 472. Do you hate chain e-mails: Yes. 473. Are you a deep sleeper: kinda 474. Are you a good story teller: Sometimes..but not really. 475. What do you believe is your best quality: ? 479. Do you have your own credit card: ya 480. Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money: start a wrestling promotion or buy TNA 487. Worst feeling in the world: pooping 488. Best feeling in the world: peeing 490. Last thing you downloaded: ? 491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life: Hahahahahaha..yeah. 492. What do you think people think of you: Who knows? 493. Are you a likeable person: sometimes 499. When are you moving: When my lease is up in September...only about a mile away. 500. What's your favorite phrase: HOLY FUCK I AM GLAD THIS THING IS OVER. god that was a waste of time. my advice...don't do this thing.

Well here is the intro to boredum. Real Name: Ethan Petrashek (it's weird i know) I work at Alltel, providing Technical Support for DSL. I live in Lincoln, Nebraska, but grew up in Table Rock, Nebraska. Population 300. I will update more, with pics of my life, when i'm not at work.