The Nitro Manifesto

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

(Ok, since this was a Wcw themed review, I figure I should change it... This is much funnier anyway... )

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Raw Audit

By GH & Joe.

 

LIVE from Cleveland OH

 

We open up with a shot of two TV's, one labeled WWF and the other labeled WCW. Vince points to the WCW and says "Oh look there's Jeff Jarrett..." Vince then points to a monitor labeled OVW and says "Oh look, there's Mark Henry running the ropes and getting blown up... GOOD GOD Look at his hair! HA HA HAAAA!" Vince then points to a monitor labeled ECW. Vince - "Oh look, there's Lou E Dangerously and C.W. Anderson standing in an empty arena... oh hahaha, Lou E is on his cell phone asking when the show is going to start. How cute AH HA HAAA!" Heyman - "Aww come on!" Vince then starts to go into his monologue, but he hears "Eye of the Tiger" start to play from another monitor. Vince turns to see a monitor labeled WXO and he sees Scott Nash doing push-ups and jumping rope. Scott Nash - "Vince Mcmahon, we're coming Baaaaaaaack!" Vince pulls his collar out and gulps huge. Vince says he has purchased his own competition in WCW. He says he has the ability to address WWF fans, WCW superstars, and WCW fans as to what this all means. Vince says he's going to make history tonight. He sees Jeff Jarrett on TV and says after tonight he should spell his name "G-O-O-N-N-E-E"

 

JR welcomes us to the show and hypes the historic simulcast that will take place tonight.

 

Kurt Angle comes to the ring to start the show. Heyman - "The war, the war is finally over, and Vince Mcmahon is the winner." Kurt says everyone is up in arms over the big news, which is that he still doesn't have an opponent for Wrestlemania. Angle says the only thing that keeps him going is the fact that he's the best wrestler in the world. Angle says he's going to keep complaining until he gets an opponent for WM. Chris Benoit's music hits and he comes out to respond. Benoit - "You know since this is a historic night... this may be my last chance to say it..." [crowd starts to pop] Benoit - "It's been a while, but I think I remember..." [crowd pops louder] Benoit - "Here it goes... [ahem].... SULLIIIVAAAAAAAN!!!" [the crowd bursts into a huge pop] Several fans with foam t-rex arms with "Crippler" written on them are shown going wild for Benoit. Benoit says that he doesn't have an opponent at WM just like Kurt. Benoit says he can make Angle tap any time he wanted to if he gave him the time. Angle says that if Benoit's challenging him for a match at WM, then he accepts. Angle says he'll never tap to the Crossface. He tells Chris he can make him squeal in seconds and if he doesn't think so, prove him wrong. Benoit and Angle go at it and try to lock their finishers on each other. Benoit gets the Crossface on Angle and Angle taps out. Edge & Christian run out to attack Benoit! The crowd is obviously booing because they read that they were going to be at Nitro and they are pissed that they were swerved.

 

Vince is shown backstage with Trish watching Buff and Lex on WCW TV. He hints that Buff and Lex's days are numbered. He then books Rock and Austin in a tag match against UT and Kane. We cut to a shot outside that shows Buff and Lex hanging their heads down and walking back to a bus labeled "Lex Express" The bus starts to beep and backs up over Lex's foot. Lex - "OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Sorry folks, but we had to say goodbye to the Luger Sell somehow.

 

Commercials.

 

Michael Cole interviews Debra. Debra says she doesn't want to talk right now.

 

TAZZ'S music hits and he walks out to the ring.

 

TAZZ vs. Val Venis (Lumberjack Match)

 

The RTC and APA serve as lumberjacks outside the ring. Before the match starts Tazz grabs a mic and points to the announce table. Tazz - "Hey Bradshaw, look at that announce table brutha. That thing is HUUUUGE!" Bradshaw - "Hahaha! You're right Tazz, that's a big table!" Tazz - "Hey Faarooq, look at JR's hat, that thing is HUUUGE!!" Faarooq - "Good one Tiny T!" Tazz - "That thing is way too big, I could live in that thing brutha!" Faarooq - "That is hilarious Tazz!" Bradshaw - "Score another one for the Tiny T!" Tazz - "Aww I'm just sayin it's a big hat that's all!...I'm feelin a little tuckered out I'm gonna take a nap brutha." [Tazz curls into the fetal position on the announce table.] Bradshaw - "Aww, ain't that adorable! He looks like a little mouse." Faarooq - "He looks like a little buttercup!" [Tazz wakes up.] "Hey what's all this buttercup talk brutha?!" Bradshaw - "We didn't mean nothin by it Tazz!" Faarooq - "Yeah we're sorry!" Tazz - "I got a good mind to climb up your shirt and Tazzplex your lip brutha!" We've hit a new low with Tazz folks. TAZZ locks on the Tazzmission early, but Steven runs in and Superkicks him while the ref was distracted. Val misses a Moneyshot to give Tazz time to recover. TAZZ hits a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX AND PINS VAL VENIS! TAZZ SQUASH! TAZZ SQUASH! THE BIGGEST NIGHT OF WRESTLING CONTINUES!

 

Vince is shown watching Animal on WCW TV. He asks Regal what Animal thinks of the new ownership.

 

A close-up shot of a the word "Print" on a computer screen is shown. A fat finger mashes a button on the mouse and we hear a printer warming up. The shot zooms out to show the monitor reading "The Please Sign Christopher Daniels Petition." A bunch of fans wearing air brushed shirts that say "Christopher Daniels" with their hair cut short and wearing neck collars like Christopher Daniels are shown looking determined as they leave the room and close the door behind them. Christian Slater is shown looking through a drawer in the room. He finds a gun in the bottom drawer, puts it in his pocket and leaves the room.

 

Commercials.

 

The Classic Wrestlemania moment is Pete Rose getting the stinkface last year by Rikishi.

 

The Lex Express is shown driving down a rural road. We see Rick Steiner, Animal, and Jeff Jarrett walking down the side of the rode. The Lex Express pulls over and Buff and Lex get out. Lex - "Hey guys, get in we'll give you a ride..." Jarrett - "Slap you slappy, I don't give a slap anymore." Lex - "Yeah, whatever, do you guys want a ride?" Animal - "Where you guys headed?" Buff - "We don't know yet..." Animal - "Great! Let's get in guys!" [steiner, Animal, Jarrett, Buff, and Lex get back onto the bus. CLICK HERE to listen to the music that plays as the camera stays in it's place as we see the Lex Express drive off into an orange sunset. The bus fades away driving down an unknown dirt rode in Cleveland.]

 

DOINK'S Music hits and he is shown IN THE CROWD with the fans.

 

Heyman busts out a Brother Love impression. We see a shot of some of the participants of the battle royal. GOOD NIGHT is that Corporal Kirschner?

 

William Regal comes out to the ring and says he has an announcement that concerns WC... Fields. He says he will not rest until he defeats Chris Jericho at WM. Regal calls out the Holly's for a warm up match. Crash Holly comes out to answer the challenge.

 

Crash Holly vs. William Regal

 

Regal knocks Crash out of the ring and drags in Molly. Regal rubs her face in the mat and locks her in the STF. Crash runs in to break it up but gets locked in the STF seconds later. Crash taps out and DOINK runs in to attack Regal. "Doink" locks on the Walls of Jericho until the refs come in to break it up. "Doink" takes off his wig to reveal himself as Chris Jericho to a big pop.

 

Backstage, Vince points out Dustin Rhodes on WCW TV. Vince tells Trish that Dustin at one time wanted to get breast implants. He then drools over Trish as we head to break.

 

Commercials.

 

Back from break we see the Christopher Daniels fans loading him into a car. Fan #1 - "We've got to get him to Cleveland!" Fan #2 - "Right, then we'll give Vince the petition!" CLICK HERE to listen to the song that plays as we see nerdy looking Daniels fans from all over the nation switching off at specific hot spots and taking their turn driving Daniels to Raw. Some fans are shown driving him in mopeds, while others are sitting in the basket of their 10-speed as Daniels peddles away. A fan at the last checkpoint tells Daniels to get into the back seat. Daniels - "Why can't I ride shotgun?" Fan - "Because my mom is driving and she wants me to sit next to her." Daniels - "Wha ha ha hat?" Fan - "Well tonight's such a big night my asthma's acting up and I might have an attack!" Daniels - "Ahh gotcha!" Daniels and the fan get into the car. The music fades out as the car drives off.

 

Jonathan Coachmen interviews William Regal. Regal tells the Coach to tell Jericho that he has a match with the Big Show tonight.

 

Edge & Christian tell Angle that they got a match with them against The Hardy Boyz and Chris Benoit tonight. Edge tells Christian To get RHI.. RHI... RHI...[sigh] RHYNO. BRING BACK THE "I" DAMMIT! Rhyno - "They've seen it in the halls, and they've seen it in shopping malls, Linda Mcmahon and Stephanie sucked my fucking balls!" Kurt - "WELL I NEVER! I am personally offended! Stephanie Mcmahon is a fine upstanding..." RHYNO tells Kurt it's an honor to meet him. He tells him that since he's a friend of E&C he's willing to BLEED for him. RHYNO PROMO RHYNO PROMO!

 

Chris Jericho is getting a breath of fresh air outside of the arena. Jericho spots someone walking in the distance. He squints his eyes and puts his hand over his eyes to block out to sun as he tries to get a better look. Jericho - "It couldn't be... Could it?!" [A cloud of dust is shown approaching in the distance. The cloud comes closer and Jericho yells out in terror] Jericho - "OH GOD IT IS! IT'S DDP!" Jericho runs back into the arena. The camera shows DDP walking up to the door surrounded by a cloud of dust like Pig Pen. The camera cuts away to show Jericho running into the dressing room. Jericho - "CODE 10! CODE 10! DDP IS HERE! DDP IS HERE!" [Jim Dotson runs to lock the doors and the wrestlers quickly try to hide their boots knowing that DDP has the Jericho curse.]

 

[Commercials]

 

We come back from commercial. Jericho is standing by a sink in the washroom trying to calm himself down by splashing cold water on his face. Jericho - "Ok, the doors are locked and everyone has hidden their boots. I think everything's gonna be ok!" All of a sudden, a window in the bathroom opens up and DDP crawls through. DDP - "Yo Cutter! What's up!" Jericho - "Aww crap..." [Jericho quickly remembers that while he told everyone else to hide their boots, he forgot to hide his.] Jericho - "Shit!" [Jericho sprints out of the bathroom and towards his lockerroom]

 

JR and Heyman hype the main event for Wrestlemania. A video package of the feud follows.

 

Footage is shown from JR interviewing Rock and Austin from Smackdown.

 

JR- "Steve, what are your thoughts on The Rock both on a personal level, and on a professional level?" Steve - "On a professional level, I respect him, cuz he's the WWF champion. He brings out the best in Stone Cold Steve Austin every time we get in the ring! On a personal level, I can't stand the son of a bitch! HE THREW ME OFF A DAMN BRIDGE JR!" [smackdown crowd heard booing as they recall the incident and start a Rocky Sucks chant. JR and Rock throw their hands in the air.] Steve - "What?" [JR whispers in Austin's ear.] "Whaddaya mean they want him as the face?! He's gotten boos every time he hit me!" Rock - "And I thought it was HHH I had to worry about!" Rock begins crying and runs off the set as JR chases after him and gives Austin a "how could you?" look. Austin bows his head, then slowly raises it back up displaying an evil grin.

 

Coach tries to interview Debra. Debra refuses once again.

 

Vince is shown backstage telling Trish that now is the time he must address the fans. He gives Trish a big smooch before he leaves the room.

 

Commercials.

 

A wide shot of the arena welcomes us back to Raw. Vince McMahon's music hits and he walks down to the ring to cut THE promo. Vince doesn't like the reaction he got and he tells Lillian to announce him again. Vince goes midway up the ramp and points at her to announce him once again. Vince tells us that this promo is being broadcast simultaneously on TNT. We see a shot of an empty ring on Nitro and Vince on the big screen. Vince says Time Warner is practically begging him to buy WCW. He says that Time Warner has signed the contract, but he hasn't signed his name yet. He states that he'll sign it at Wrestlemania if Ted Turner walks down the aisle and hands him the contract to sign. Vince says he may have had a little help along the way on his route to beat Turner, but it was himself who did all of the work. Vince says he's going to give Turner a seat at ringside to watch him destroy Shane in the middle of the ring. He tells us that Stephanie, Trish, and Linda Mcmahon will be in his corner at Wrestlemania. Vince says there are a lot of things he could do with WCW. He could sit back and watch Hogan's ridiculous flexing or listen to them talk about how they were going to bury the WWF. Vince says that he can turn it into a huge conglomerate, but he wonders who would be a part of it. He asks the crowd to cheer for the stars he's about to list off. "Hulk Hogan?" [crowd boos]. Lex Luger? [crowd boos]. Buff Bagwell? [crowd pops HUGE]. Booker T? [crowd pops] Scott Steiner? [crowd pops] DDP? [10 fans in the front row start cheering madly. A mysterious hand from the side of the screen hands a megaphone to them. They pull a mini tape recorder out and push play. We hear some audio from an old Nitro as the crowd chants for DDP to make a hot tag during a match. They put the tape up to the megaphone to make it seem like the whole crowd is cheering for Page. A masked man wearing a "Who's Line is it Anyway" shirt with the sleeves cut off hands each of the 10 fans a white bag with a black "$" printed on it. The fans high five each other and sit back down.] The crowd then CHANTS for Goldberg. Vince asks if they want Goldberg and they pop huge. Vince says that he wanted to fly out to Nitro and address the troops in person, but it's too redneck for him. Vince then says he wanted to look Goldberg, Booker T, and others in the face and say "YOU'RE FIRED!" He then says that he's going to bury WCW just like anyone else who gets in his way. The crowd starts up a mixed chant of "Goldberg" and "Asshole." Vince demands more respect or he'll walk out. Shane McMahon's music hits and Vince gets ready to fight. However, we hear the Nitro crowd popping and we see Shane walking out on NITRO. Vince - "Shane, where are you?" Shane - "What's up Vince? Surprise Dad."

 

Shane tells Vince that his ego has gotten the best of him. We cut to a Nitro/Raw split screen as Shane tells Vince that the deal IS finalized with WCW and the name on the contract does say Mcmahon, but the first name is Shane. Ross - "OH MY GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" Shane tells Vince that he owns WCW and his company is going to kick his ass just like it did in the past. Vince stares on in disbelief as Shane stands in the middle of the Nitro ring. Good God Almighty.

 

Com By God mercials

 

Vince is shown backstage screaming into the phone. He yells at his attorney and tells him that he's ruined the whole damn thing.

 

The Hardy Boyz & Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle, Edge, & Christian

 

Benoit walks out with a T-Rex foam arm and slaps arms with only the fans who are wearing the foam T-Rex arms. Benoit gets the Crossface on Angle after a fast paced match, but Christian breaks it up. Benoit then locks the Crossface on Christian and gets the submission win. Benoit then hits a tope on Angle outside of the ring. Matt Hardy goes to attack Edge, but RHINO GORES Matt. Lita goes to help Matt but RHINO GORES LITA too. Rhyno screams into the camera - ""I see London, I see France, I think Lita just SHIT HER FUCKING PANTS!!"" Edge - "Yes Rhyno, she shit her pants, now go back to the hotel."

 

Jericho is shown finally opening the door to his lockerroom. Jericho - "What the hell, somebody locked the door, I couldn't get in!" DDP's voice all of a sudden scares Jericho down to his toes. DDP - "Yo cutter! What's up!" Jericho nervously - "Ah heh heh... DDP, hey how's it going man?" DDP - "Ah not bad, you know I was just telling your buddy Chris Benoit about the time I met the Rock." [The camera shows Benoit knocked out on the floor making the shape of an X with his body.] DDP - "Hey I gotta go cutter, Mick's gonna be on next!" Jericho looks frantically around the room and his eyes suddenly set on his boots sitting right on a bench in the lockerroom. THIS PLAYS as Jericho tries to figure out if DDP contaminated his boots.

 

Mick Foley walks into the arena. Steve Austin runs up to him right away. Austin - "Mick, Mick... PAGE is here!" Foley - "Dear God in heaven..." Austin - "How long till you think we can make him crack?" Foley - "4 weeks!" Austin - "I say 3!" Foley - "Hahaha!" Austin - "Come on, I've got some ideas!" [Austin and Foley walk off together.]

 

Commercials.

 

Kevin Kelly interviews The Undertaker & Kane. He asks 'taker about how he feels about Triple H having the night off. Taker - "Well, he's gotta have some free time to pop all those zits on his back." [Kane does a spit-take through his mask.] [HHH's voice is heard off-camera.] "Oh come ON!"

 

A huge fleet of cars is shown pulling up to the arena. The BILLY JEAN THEME cues up again as they all get out of their cars. A motorcycle pulls up with Daniels driving it and one of his fans in the sidecar wearing a leather helmet, goggles, and a scarf. They start to approach the arena doors when Vince Mcmahon and Jim Dotson come out to meet them. We see a small wooden RF Video stand selling bootleg Christopher Daniels clothing and videotapes in the background. A fan approaches Mcmahon and speaks in a squeaky voice - "Vince! We demand you sign Christopher Daniels NOW!" Vince - "Well he's kind of small and he blew that spot on Nitro. I'm not really ..." [Christian Slater runs up to Vince with the petition in hand.] Slater - "Vince look at this!" [slater pushes the petition into Vince's hand forcefully and knocks him backwards.] Jim Dotson pushes Christian Slater in an effort to make him back up. Slater holds his shoulder and falls to his knees like he's been shot. Fan - "Vince, by our calculations, workrate percentage will raise by 3.45 percent after just one week of having Daniels in the lockerroom..." Vince - "Oh I'll sign him, just get the hell out of here and stop slobbering over me." The Daniels fans jump up and down in a huge celebration cheering loudly. The celebration lasts approximately 6 seconds as they quickly begin gasping for air and taking hits off their inhalers. Daniels approaches the RF Video stand, lights a match and burns it down. THE BILLY JEAN THEME cues up once again as Daniels walks away from the fire and fades into the night.

 

Commercials.

 

Test vs. X-Pac

 

Before the match, Eddie Guerrero's dressing room door is shown partway open. The camera shows Eddie apparently strutting around with his knees bent and flapping his arms like a chicken. Eddie sees the camera and sticks his head out the door. Eddie - "Hey, if you believe those rumors that I'm going to lower myself to be the Gobbledy Gooker at Wrestlemania, you can stick it essa!" Eddie then slams the door. We hear Vince McMahon's voice from behind the closed door. Vince - "HE'S GONNA PECK! HE'S GONNA PECK! HE'S GONNA PEEEEEECK!" Eddie Guerrero comes out to serve as the special guest referee. Eddie makes a slow count for Test's first pin attempt. Test knocks Eddie over the top rope. X-Pac tries to hit Test with the title, but Test hits him in the stomach. Test hits his finisher and a new ref comes in to make the count, but Eddie pulls him out before the 3. Albert comes in and hits an Albert Bomb on Test and Eddie turns around to make the 3 to give X-Pac the win. Eddie gets some punches in on Test after the bell.

 

Michael Cole interviews Steve Austin as he attempts to get coffee. Austin - "Sshhhhhhh!" [Austin points to his left and the camera moves to show DDP sleeping in a chair.] [Austin pulls out a brown paper bag labeled 'Dog doo' and drops some pieces onto DDP's hand.] [Mick Foley then tickles Page's nose with a feather.] [DDP brings up his hand to itch his nose, but smears his face with the dog doo.] [Austin and Foley run off laughing.] Page - "Ahahaha you guys! It's ok, If my day was any better, there would have to be TWO of me to handle it HAHA! TWO TWO TWO TIME TWO TIME!" [The camera cuts away]

 

Commercials.

 

Mick Foley's music hits and he walks down to the ring as JR climaxes. Foley pushes his new book before he gets into things. DDP runs into the ring with his book. DDP - "What up Cutters! It's the Pagester here WITH MICK FOLEY! HEY STEINER! I'M STILL STANDIN'! Anyway, you can get this silver yo yo along with my book POSITIVELY PAGE for a limited time only to celebrate my 45th birthday! Now is that a deal or..." [An anvil drops from the ceiling and falls on DDP's head. Pages gets knocked out and is stretchered out] Foley looks up to the rafters and sees Steve Austin. Foley gives Austin a thumbs up while Austin winks down at Foley. Foley says that he came out because he thought that Wrestlemania just wouldn't be right without himself involved. Vince Mcmahon comes out and cuts him off in mid-sentence. Vince says he'll call the cops if Foley doesn't' leave the ring. Foley says that on December 5th, he and Linda had a very important business meeting. Foley rolls a tape of his meeting with Linda. The tape shows Linda giving Mick a stack of papers to sign. Foley brings out a document that says that he can be the special referee in any match of his choosing. Foley tells Vince that he chose his match to ref at WM. Vince walks backstage in anger without saying a word.

 

Commercials.

 

The Big Show is shown walking to the ring.

 

Chris Jericho is also shown on his way to the ring.

 

Commercials.

 

Vince tries to calm himself down backstage by taking a bite out of a strawberry, but he spits it out.

 

Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

 

DDP is shown leaving Jericho's dressing room. Jericho - "Haha, he thinks he can put one over on me does he?" [Jericho pushes the boots off of the shelf on his locker and into a garbage can using a stick. Jericho then opens up a small safe and pulls out some brand new boots.] Jericho and Show battle to the outside. Show throws Jericho back into the ring and Kane runs down to beat up on Show. Raven runs down to assault Kane with a garbage can lid. After that, William Regal sneaks in and hits a neckbreaker on Jericho. Show chokeslams Jericho and pins him for the win. Kane attacks Show with a chair after the match. Raven attempts to attack Kane, but gets a chokeslam for his troubles.

 

The Rock asks some new person where Austin's lockerroom is.

 

JR asks the Dudleys at WWF NY about the condition of Spike Dudley. D-Von says it's going to take a lot more to keep him down then what Rhino did. Buh Buh - "Diamond... Dallas... Page. Do you think you're free now that you've gotten rid of Scott Steiner? Well let me tell you something you old, crusty, bald headed motherfucker! My brother D-Von just left WWF NY and he's going to give Kimberly 9 inches of black...[camera cuts away]

 

DDP - "Hahah I love those welcome to our promotion ribs! These guys love me!"

 

The Rock tells Austin that if he doesn't mess with him, he won't mess with Austin. Austin tells the Rock that when the match is over, all bets are off.

 

Kane & The Undertaker vs. The Rock & Steve Austin

 

Kane and UT exchange punches on the Rock early in the match. Rock hits a spinebuster and makes the hot tag to Austin. Austin hits the Thesz Press on UT. Kane attacks Austin from behind to give UT control. Kane takes care of the Rock on the outside of the ring. Austin goes for a stunner, but UT pushes him into the Rock who was on the apron. UT chokeslams Austin and sets him up for the Last Ride as the audience begins laughing. Taker - "Oh come on, I MIGHT have done it." [The audience laughs harder as Austin does the Scott Hall boogieman taunt while he's between Undertaker's legs.] Triple H runs in and attacks UT with a chair before he can powerbomb him. Austin turns around and covers UT for the 3. UT stares down Triple H after the match. Austin celebrates with some beers. Rock sneaks up behind Austin, waits for him to turn around, and hits a STUNNER on Austin. Rock then asks for a beer and sets it down next to Austin as the show ends.

 

On: Jeff Jarrett diss.

 

On: TAZZ SQUASH!

 

On: Vince WCW Promo!

 

On: Shane WCW Promo!

 

Off: They like DDP.

[Guest LesnarLunatic]

Huh?

[Guest Ram]

Geez..

[Guest bob_barron]

Hi welcome to a folder about the WWE

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

I figured that since DEAN hasn't posted his WorkRate Report that we are in some dire need of some reviewin. And what is better than some Gh and Joe? Huh?

 

I cry myself to sleep every night over the fact that I haven't saved every Manifesto and Audit made... CRY I TELLS YA. Anyways, it's funny shit that still holds up today. Just wanted to share it with yall, that's all. For those who have seen it, it is a welcomed return. For those who haven't, then ENJOY.

[Guest Nezbyte]

K...

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

*Looks down, kicks dirt, scrunches face*

 

Damn... Ingrates...

 

Try to do sumthin dif’rent..

[Guest benoitrules2000]

mate, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

HUH?

[Guest caboose]

What the fuck was going on there?

[Guest dreamer420]

shouldn't that be filed up fantasy booking crap!

[Guest Michael Joel Benoit]

That was.....weird.

[Guest dreamer420]

to put it nicely.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Jesus Christ, you are like a bunch of fucking children; if you don't lead them through it they get confused.

 

GH & Joe were reviewers for the shooters back in the day (the day being 2000/2001). Their recaps were some of the funniest things I have ever read, period. I wanted to relive some of those memories so I took the way back machine (web.archive.org) and found some of their recaps. This one (about the Raw/Nitro telecast) is one of them.

 

When I was reading it I couldn't stop laughing, obviously most of you don't "get it" and are too uptight for your own good. If it doesn't have anything to do with 'what is the best ___' or 'what is wrong with ____' then it just goes under the radar.

[Guest dreamer420]

so it's you and GH & Joe who are the ones who find this funny?

[Guest bob_barron]

Dude- I just didn't find it to be very funny. No reason to get upset

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Tazz - "Hey Bradshaw, look at that announce table brutha. That thing is HUUUUGE!" Bradshaw - "Hahaha! You're right Tazz, that's a big table!" Tazz - "Hey Faarooq, look at JR's hat, that thing is HUUUGE!!" Faarooq - "Good one Tiny T!" Tazz - "That thing is way too big, I could live in that thing brutha!" Faarooq - "That is hilarious Tazz!" Bradshaw - "Score another one for the Tiny T!" Tazz - "Aww I'm just sayin it's a big hat that's all!...I'm feelin a little tuckered out I'm gonna take a nap brutha." [Tazz curls into the fetal position on the announce table.] Bradshaw - "Aww, ain't that adorable! He looks like a little mouse." Faarooq - "He looks like a little buttercup!" [Tazz wakes up.] "Hey what's all this buttercup talk brutha?!" Bradshaw - "We didn't mean nothin by it Tazz!" Faarooq - "Yeah we're sorry!" Tazz - "I got a good mind to climb up your shirt and Tazzplex your lip brutha!" We've hit a new low with Tazz folks.

-------

HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND THAT FUNNY~!? TAZZ IS SMALL!

-------

A huge fleet of cars is shown pulling up to the arena. The BILLY JEAN THEME cues up again as they all get out of their cars. A motorcycle pulls up with Daniels driving it and one of his fans in the sidecar wearing a leather helmet, goggles, and a scarf. They start to approach the arena doors when Vince Mcmahon and Jim Dotson come out to meet them. We see a small wooden RF Video stand selling bootleg Christopher Daniels clothing and videotapes in the background. A fan approaches Mcmahon and speaks in a squeaky voice - "Vince! We demand you sign Christopher Daniels NOW!" Vince - "Well he's kind of small and he blew that spot on Nitro. I'm not really ..." [Christian Slater runs up to Vince with the petition in hand.] Slater - "Vince look at this!" [slater pushes the petition into Vince's hand forcefully and knocks him backwards.] Jim Dotson pushes Christian Slater in an effort to make him back up. Slater holds his shoulder and falls to his knees like he's been shot. Fan - "Vince, by our calculations, workrate percentage will raise by 3.45 percent after just one week of having Daniels in the lockerroom..." Vince - "Oh I'll sign him, just get the hell out of here and stop slobbering over me." The Daniels fans jump up and down in a huge celebration cheering loudly. The celebration lasts approximately 6 seconds as they quickly begin gasping for air and taking hits off their inhalers. Daniels approaches the RF Video stand, lights a match and burns it down. THE BILLY JEAN THEME cues up once again as Daniels walks away from the fire and fades into the night.

----------------

COME ON! I know their humour is rather visual but anyone with an ounce of imagination could enjoy that.

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1.5. GH & Joe v. Hyatte, Round 1. GH and Joe are far, far, superior to Hyatte in every way possible. I read their recaps religiously and encourage you to do the same. Their Tazz characterization along with the Shane Douglas riffs are some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen on the internet.

-Alex Carnevale

 

Since this is the internet, and one must be extra careful to qualify everything one types for public perusal, let me just say that I am also a big fan of GH and Joe. It never even occurred to me to compare them to Hyatte. I think they have completely different approaches to there respective Monday night wrestling show reports . Both are effective and (usually) extremely entertaining. Two thumbs up! Now if we can only get Irving Forbush and Sid's friend Seth to be running mates in the next presidential election...

-Shawn Colton

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See, I am not alone...

[Guest bob_barron]

Sorry- still not laughing

[Guest What?!]

Well, I liked the part of Vince watching the TV monitors at the beginning of the show.

[Guest dreamer420]

See, I am not alone...

yes you are, and that shit still aint funny.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Hope you guys don't mind, but I am going to try an experiment...

 

These are not long at all, easy to dl, I find them absolutely hilarious. If you can't find these funny then I won't even bother pointing out the genius in the raw audit...ok?

 

http://www.geocities.com/davesnipples/arms.rm

 

http://www.geocities.com/davesnipples/beno...oitpartttwo.mp3

 

http://www.geocities.com/davesnipples/sherman.rm

[Guest dreamer420]

daves nipples eh?

[Guest benoitrules2000]

Mate, first of all, that was the unfunniest shit i've ever read and i'm seriously beginning to think this whole manifesto shit's some stupid joke!

 

That tazz is small joke is a direct rip-off of the micro-scopic elvis sketches on SNL which weren't even funny in the first place therefore making it both unoriginal AND unfunny.

 

And why the hell hasn't anyone even heard of these guys...oh wait, it's because they SUCK!

[Guest HartFan86]

*scratches head*

 

That review was...:/

[Guest Mark4steamboat]

ok i laughed at Tiny T.

[Guest DARRYLXWF]

I like a good sense of humor, but man that just SUCKED.

[Guest dreamer420]

what a waste of internet space. it could have been used for porn or something.

[Guest jtronx]

Hey, thanks for posting that. I used to love GH & Joe, and was very sad when they stopped doing stuff for the Shooters. I guess I'm the only other one.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Whew, THANK YOU. Am I right in thinking that these guys just do not 'get it'?

[Guest bob_barron]

If not getting it means not finding it funny at all then you are right

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

You guys don't get the reoccuring themes that are involved. Tazz being small, Rhyming Rhyno, The Jericho Curse, DDP being flakey, the visual nature of the recaps, Benoit having little arms, baby dean, all have been in previous reports. I figured they could stand on their own (especially the Christian Slater/Smarks/Chris Daniels thing..that was fucking funny!) but obviously it didn't here. I take solice in the fact that at least one person read Gh and Joes work on this board and appreciated the comedy.