WWF HOSSMANIA 2002

[Guest The Superstar]

WWF HOSSMANIA 2002

Live from Sturgis!

Your Host is Jim "BY GAWD HOSS" Ross.

 

-Special Attraction, CHOKESLAM MATCH: The Big Show vs. Hugh Morrus- What an explosive way to start off the show, with a SPECIAL attraction match! Big Show gets the choke, but Morrus counters with his own! So Show gives him a big knee to the gut! And then he tries the chokeslam, and he gets Morrus up, but his arm collapses and he falls! Morrus takes control of the situation with a beautifully executed chinlock. After drifting to unconsciousness, Big Show gets a second wind! He fights back, whips Morrus into the ropes, and gets his own chinlock! He wears Morrus down, and chokeslams Morrus, bad arm and all, for the win at 7:12!

 

-Tag Team Match: Kane & Kevin Nash vs. Kronik- What a match these two teams have the potential to make! Nash and Clark start off by exchanging beautiful punches. Nash then catches Clark in a bearhug. Will Clark give up after only 30 seconds into the match? No, Clark fights out and gets a massive clothesline! The crowd boos out of sheer hate for Kronik. Clark tags in Adams, who runs through his routine on Nash. Nash, however, hits a big sidewalk slam, and makes the hot tag to Kane. Kane hits the big boot on both men, but gets caught in a Clark pumphandle slam for a close two. Adams locks in a vicious chinlock on Kane. Kane fights out, and gets a big Powerbomb! However he stands and reaches to make the tag to Nash, but Adams pulls him back into a hammerlock! He then tags in Clark, who locks in a wristlock! Kane is in sheer agony! Clark tags in Adams, and they hit the High Times on Kane! Kane's down! However, Nash breaks up the pin, and attacks both men! Chops for Clark! Punches for Adams! A big boot and Powerbomb for Clark! However, he's not the legal man! While Nash is distracted, Adams covers Kane for the easy pin, and wins at 18:34!

 

-Hardcore Match: Big Bossman vs. Mideon-These matches keep getting more and more exciting as we go along! Bossman gets an early Thesz Press and piston-like right hands, but it only gets a one count, because THIS IS HARDCORE, and it will take more punishment than that! Bossman goes out and gets a steel chair, but he misses a chairshot on Mideon, and Mideon gets a chinlock on Bossman. Bossman fights out, and gets a mule kick on Mideon! He executes a front suplex onto the middle rope, and gets the Bossman Straddle! And another! He goes for a third, but Mideon moves! Bossman crotches himself! Mideon gets a reverse DDT on the chair, but he doesn't cover! That may come back to haunt him later. Mideon goes outside…and gets a bowl of fruit! He throws it in the Bossman's face! Bossman is bewildered by all this tropical goodness on his face, so Mideon rolls him up, 1…2…NO!! Bossman escapes the fruity massacre! Mideon hits another chinlock, however, as the crowd erupts. Bossman fights out again, and gets his nightstick-assisted cobra clutch! Will Mideon submit? No need to ask, because Bossman releases the hold, and gets the Bossman slam for the easy 1, 2, 3 at 10:56!

 

-Special Challenge Match: Rikishi vs. Viscera These two have a long history together, because their tag team was broken up all the way back at WWF Armageddon 1999! A huge staredown to start, but the two start dancing, together! JR says it best: "This is a SPECIAL CHALLENGE WRESTLING MATCH, not a dancing contest!!" Suddenly, Viscera viciously attacks Rikishi from behind, and gets a belly-to-belly suplex! The ring shakes! Rikishi fights back with piston-like left hands, and gets a superkick! Viscera is up, but staggering, so Rikishi shows off his moveset by superkicking him again! This time, Viscera falls into the corner! UH OH! TIME FOR THE STINKYFACE! Rikishi gives him a long and hearty one, but Viscera liked it! He licks his lips and smiles! Rikishi is freaked, and superkicks Viscera, who staggers into the corner and asks for another Stinkyface! Rikishi is freaked, but runs for a BUTT bump in the corner, but Viscera moves, and hits a ring-shaking bodyslam, followed by a huge Viscera splash for the pin at 8:59!

 

-Purists' Dream Match: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho- The two midgets come out, but Hossmania coordinator James Allan comes out. "People will love this match already, but I decided to make it better. I will add a third person, and it's YOUR AMERICAN HERO!" Suddenly, "Rollin" plays! "That's right folks, your American BAD ASS HERO! THE UNDERTAKER!!!!!!"

-Purists' Dream Match: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho vs. The Undertaker- This is probably the most boring match on the card, as Undertaker hits a double chokeslam on both men and pins them in 0:10! Finally that match is over!

 

-Who is Tough Enough: TE2's Matt vs. TE1's Darryl- It's the battle of the hosses-in-training! An even matchup, but Matt knows more moves because he was trained longer before getting cut by the Tough Enough crew! Sure enough, Matt gets the submission with the head scissors at 3:46.

 

-The MAIN EVENT, The Battle of the Generations: Test vs. Hulk Hogan- Jim Ross puts it best: "Hogan isn't a hoss. He's the greatest hoss of all time, by GAWD, and Test wants that title for himself." A big, long staredown to start as dueling "Hogan" and "Test" chants arise from the biker fans in Sturgis! This match gruels on for almost thirty minutes! Hogan hits the big boot and goes for the Legdrop, but Test says, "Don't steal my move!" So as Hogan goes off the ropes for the Legdrop, Test kips up, and hits HIS WHITBY BOOT OF DEATH for the crowd-erupting pin at 29:59! Hogan passes the torch, literally, to Test, as Test holds the "CHAMPIONSHIP TORCH OF HOSSMANIA 2002" and it slowly burns as we end one of the greatest PPVs of ALL TIME!!!!!!!!

 

 

EDIT: As you should have known by now, this was a parody. Thank you.

[Guest darrdorecw4life]

That was a parody?? I thought that was pretty good! No, no, I can't even joke about that. You get a perfect score of -10/10!!

[Guest Your Olympic Hero]

haha funny stuff man

[Guest The Superstar]

Wow, awesome card!

[Guest Space_Cowboy]

It can't be HOSSAMANIA without Big Bad BRADSHAW on the card, but i guess he was busy hazing rookies in the lockerroom.

[Guest The Superstar]

Yeah, I had a pang of guilt re-reading the card 10 months later. I actually started writing a follow up to this, HOSS STAMPEDE, where Bradshaw would win the title, but sadly that got lost when my hard drive crashed.