UHWAHHH~! NEWSLETTER #1

[Guest Frank Zappa Mask]

UHWAHHH~! NEWSLETTER #1

FEB 18, 2001

Written and edited by Chris Fici

 

 

WWF No Way Out thoughts

 

-We begin right away with the nWo, and I must admit this isn’t the way I’ve always envisaged them returning to the WWF, but here they are anyway.  How did they look?  Scott Hall was Scott Hall for the most part, love him or leave him, while Nash was muted; one of the great things about the original nWo was the sheer size of these men’s egos.  That is what is needed now to really get this angle over.  This whole nobody’s getting fooled business, filled to the brim with smart language like “marks” that 80% of the audience isn’t going to understand, is not the barn-burning approach one might expect an angle like the return of the nWo to begin with.  In any case, Hogan looked almost touched by the reaction (and I was too.  Hulkamania still runs a little wild in all our veins), but he was too humble all night.  Hogan + Humble= 4.0 ratings.   I still marked a little for all of it, but them coming out and powerbombing JR through the table would’ve been better.

 

-The Tag Turmoil was pretty forgettable.  As much as I love to see the Clothesline from Hell (I say push Bradshaw to the moon), Billy and Chuck should’ve gone over here.  Did I just say that?  *1/2 for the whole mess.

 

-Goldust-RVD was mildly interesting, as Dustin was breaking out all kinds of weird submissions, while RVD pretty much ran through his spot-book.  Sad to say that RVD’s initial and very impressive rush into the WWF was nothing more than an illusion.  I say give him the I-C Title at WM to get that division going again.  I’ll give it **

 

-The nWo tries to give Austin beer, but he’s not thirsty.  Not quite the fake Sting or Ted Dibiase in the front row, is it?

 

-I always hate to see the Bookerman lose.  I mean, frick, I can’t even remember the last big victory the T had.  It’s really sad.  Tazz and Spike continue their epic run as Tag champs, which will hopefully end at WM against Billy and Chuck.  Did I just write that?

*3/4, disappointed in no Spinarooni.

 

-Another very sad thing about the WWF is the complete lack of understanding, especially by the fans, of William Regal.  I’ve never heard a deader crowd than when Regal was on offense tonight against Edge, again. Hell, with Regal winning, this feud still isn’t done, nor is it over.  *1/2 for the mess.

 

-More dead crowd with equally dead offense by Mean Mark against the Rock, whose whole style if formulaic, and that is no longer a good thing.  We may also have a feud brewing between Flair and Mean Mark, and that may not be a good thing either.  Rock wins with Flair’s help, and few people care, so we get *3/4

 

-Mr Perfect was your confused host at WWF New York tonight.

 

-I got a sinking feeling watching the HHH/Angle match that I was seeing the same thing I have been seeing in the WWF for the past four years.  This match was very mediocre, and the ten million ref bumps didn’t help.  HHH will win back the WM title shot in the next few weeks guaranteed, so this match was just an excuse to get more heat on Stephanie.  That is the last thing the WWF needs to be doing right now.  A very disappointing **

 

-Interesting little exchange between the Rock and the nWo, which further made the Band look like a bunch of old men.  One almost expected the Big Show to join the nWo at some point tonight too, but alas, we can only dream.

 

-The main was the only match that got above ***, which is not very good for the general consensus of this PPV.  As always, Austin has his PPV moments, but he did not click well with Jericho like the Rock had been doing on the past few PPV’s.  The nWo interference at the end could be seen coming from a mile away, and it was not eventful at all.  Just give me a Hogan legdrop and I’ll be happy!  Yay for Jericho keeping the title, which likely sets him up against HHH at WM X-8, while we will also possibly see Rock vs Hogan, which will be very entertaining if Hogan is motivated, and Austin vs Hall, which partially explains Hall giving Austin two ugly stunners after the match.  A very average PPV overall on a night that should’ve been far better than average.  A stellar RAW tomorrow can erase some doubts, but isn’t that always the case.

 

 

CLASSIC MATCH REVIEWS

 

Here are some matches that make the world a brighter place to live in.  Get them from your local tape dealer or from such wonderful on-line search engines as the Hotline.  By the way, I don’t rate matches *****.  The day I see a ***** match, an absolutely perfect match that changes the course of human destiny forever, is the day I rate a match *****.  Until then, I will retain a demanding approach to all art.  Enjoy these, because I command you...

 

Tiger Mask vs Dynamite Kid 1-28-82

This is arguably the best junior match I have ever seen, and 20 years after the fact, it still blows away literally everything I have ever seen.  Right from the get-go, DK is the aggressor, matching Tiger Mask’s pace and getting the better, as DK hits the enziguiri practically immediately, and then dishes out the tough love on Tiger Mask on the outside.  DK is giving Tiger Mask literally no room to breathe, knowing that he can’t sit back and let Tiger Mask dazzle him into submission with his pyrotechnics.  Both men engage in the most beautiful series of armbar reversals I have ever seen, before DK finally slows down the pace by taking it to the mat.  As much as these matches are remembered for the flashy moments that were part of the creation of the idea of the “high-spot” (for better or worse), their mat wrestling, espiecally in this match, is marked by a contagious intensity.  In fact, few matches I have seen match the intensity presented here.  Even when both men are on the mat, you can tell they are fighting for their lives, and Tiger Mask is just as impressive here reversing and fighting his way into figure-fours and Texas cloverleafs as he is doing any of his world-famous flips and/or flops.  DK plays the “evil foreign” heel to sheer perfection, trying to rip off the Mask as well as literally and blatantly choking out Tiger Mask.  The electric pace never lets up, as DK once again misses the flying head-BUTT, only to be dropped, and I mean DROPPED, with a DDT by Tiger Mask.  Tiger

Mask then misses a flying headbutt of his own.  DK can’t quite follow up, as he gets kicked to the outside, and greeted with a suicide dive from Tiger Mask.   Both men struggle back in, and they engage in a series of German suplex reversals that ends with Tiger Mask on top for the win in one of my favorite endings ever.  Just a one-of-a-kind chess match, and a match that defines not only the excellence of this rivalry, but what exciting, memorable, mesmerizing, and truly great wrestling is all about.

****3/4

 

Owen Hart vs Bret Hart-Wrestlemania X

One of the few and proud in the uber-competitive Greatest Opening Match debate.  It wasn’t like this match was difficult for either man.  They both have that indefinable Buddha-mind that one can only get from training in the Dungeon, and from having wrestled with and against each other for many years before that.  Owen is feeling it like no other man in history, as he not only keeps up with Bret and out-wrestles him, but he actually beats him!  Cleanly!  In wrestling theory terms, they aped the Flair-Steamboat method of matching up a better wrestler (Bret) against the man with the dirty tricks (Owen).  The only problem with that theory is that Owen was so on top of his game that you would have to be blind not to realize that he was as good, if not better than his brother, and that is saying a lot.  With Bret capturing his second WWF Title later in the night, all was right for the Hart Family at the top of the wrestling world.  Of course, what goes up must come down with a crash, and it’s too bad that when people think of the Harts right now, they think of screwjobs, drugs, death, family strife, and an all-around sense of shameful sadness.  Time heals all wounds, and I hope that applies here.

****3/4

 

Mitsuharu Misawa vs Vader  5-2-99

Misawa’s fifth career Triple Crown win.  Vader not only has the proverbial “extra layer of fat”, but he has a few literal layers of fat to go along.  Hey, as long as it doesn’t get in the way, I say eat up.  In any case, this is your typical great Vader match, in which Vader forgets that wrestling is fake and lays in an A++ ass-whipping.  It’s made all the better by the fact that he is wrestling Mitsuharu Misawa after all, who can not only take it like a pro, but gives it back like an uber-pro.  There are just tons of monstrous moves and moments in this match, such as Vader knocking Misawa off the top-rope to the outside with such force that it crosses into comic-book absurdity, and Vader delivering a powerbomb to Misawa on the outside to the unforgiving mat upon the unforgiving concrete.  You say you want more death-defying moves?  Well, they delivered, as Misawa harkens back to his Tiger Mask days by hitting a suicide dive and a tope, while Vader gets all larcenous and hits a Tiger Driver on Misawa.  Misawa is non-plussed, hitting the frog splash and the always ugly, always disgusting super DDT.  Typically great Misawa finish as well, as he just pounds Vader into oblivion.  The reason I like this match so much is the same reason I like the Mike Awesome-Masato Tanaka match from ECW’s Extreme Evolution tape, in that you have two big men beating the holy fuck out of each other, and pulling off all kinds of aerial and power moves which shows that they refused to be limited by their size.  That’s what I call transcendental wrestling, and its all great.

****1/4

 

Brian Pillman vs Jyushin Lyger-WCW Cruiserweight 2-29-92

The Superbrawl opener, and probably the closest we got to an authentic PURO match in North America that’s ever been (Or that I know of).  This one is that solid.  I’m not sure if I’ve seen the clipped version or not, but it’s a hell of a top-rate junior match.  Pillman wrestles like there is no tomorrow, going head to head with Jyushin “Fucking” Lyger, and that my friend is no easy task.  Plus, you get JR and Jesse “The Body” Ventura, the Madden and Summerall of wrestling, calling the action.  Spots, neck-first landings, superb drama, and a big upset.  All the elements of a top-rate New Japan junior match, landing right in the middle of Louisiana.  Hey, but the fans get it.  They can get it.  They’re not all “stupid marks.” On second thought, a lot of them are.

****1/2

 

 

INTERNATIONAL WRESTLING NEWS

 

-FMW is closing its doors, reportedly over $2 million in debts.  Atsushi Onita is very sad about the whole thing, and he basically laid the blame on Fuyuki, who is already beginning work, along with Kintaro Kanemura, in IWA-Japan, and it is IWA-Japan who will benefit most from this, picking up most of the FMW talent.  One could expect Big Japan to benefit as well.

 

-Keiji Mutoh, fresh off his industry-shaking jump to All-Japan, attended Seiji Sakaguchi’s 60th birthday party in Tokyo.  Apparently, the reception from former New Japan associate, Masa Chono, was less than frosty.  The thrilling soap opera between New Japan and All-Japan marches on.

 

-The bad relationship between Tokyo Sports and Akira Maeda, head of RINGS, continued recently as a lengthy and unfriendly article about Maeda’s prosecution surrounding an altercation with Pancrase boss Ozaki in May of last year appeared in Tokyo Sports.  I say just kick them right in the face, Akira.

 

(Credit to Zach Arnold at www.puroresupower.com for giving the news to comment on.)

 

 

UHWAHHH~! Newsletter is looking for columnists/news reporters.  If interested, please e-mail at [email protected]

 

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[Guest Jubuki]

You do know you're never going to see such a thing as a perfect wrestling match, right?

[Guest CB2M]

You do know you're never going to see such a thing as a perfect wrestling match, right?

I thought Misawa vs. Kawada 6-3-94 is essentially perfect.  I haven't examined it deeply enough to see if there are any flaws.  If there are, it's maybe the closest thing I've seen.

[Guest Jubuki]

Check Kawada's selling of the knee as the match goes on.  Not exactly a terrible flaw, per se, but he's sold it better throughout a match before.  Which is why TNSTAAPWM -- there's always a performance or spot, somewhere, someway, that's a touch better in one respect or another than something else.  Even if it's something brief, that's enough.  I thought I covered this on the old board...

[Guest Captian Linger]

I think that 6/94 might have come off as a totally different match had Kawada sold like 12/93 RWTL, if that's what you're implying.

 

I think that the 'relaxed' selling of the knee can be attributted to Kawada not letting an injury keep him down like it did for 12/93 when Kobashi pinned him. Having the 'desire' to gut it out, so to speak. It's not "perfect" but I can forgive and possibly understand Tosh's reasons for not overselling the knee a lot during 6/3/94.