10 Commandments For Wrestling Commentators

[Guest jester]

I put this together after reading a lot of posts on these boards on the subject, plus the odd thought of my own (ok, it was mostly posts on this board). What do you guys think?

 

The 10 Commandments for Wrestling Commentators

 

1. Thou shalt know the name of wrestling moves.

 

2. Thou shalt know some wrestling history, and acknowledge it when appropriate (ie Lou Thesz dying)

 

3. Thou shalt consist of one heel and one face announcer.

 

4. If thou art a heel announcer, the heel wrestlers can do no wrong. The face wrestlers can do no right.

 

5. If thou art a face announcer, thou are mostly neutral, until the heel cheating/beatdown begins.

 

6. The face announcer and heel announcer shall make fun of each other from time to time, especially their mistakes.

 

7. Thou shalt honor ring psychology and keep it holy. Thou art part of the selling process. Just as a wrestler must sell the offense to the live crowd, thou must help sell the offense to the TV crowd.

 

8. Thou shalt not spend more time drooling over the Diva's tits than promoting their wrestling.

 

9. If thou art a former wrestler, thou shalt use that to give perspective to the match thou art calling, without droning on.

 

10. If thou must shill a PPV or thine sponsor's product, thou shalt do so during the slow parts of the match. Thou must always follow and talk about the action in the ring, be it on Raw or Sunday Night Heat.

 

jester

[Guest DrTom]

Good list.

 

Email it to the WWE folks. I'm sure they'd just scrap it as more bitter ravings from the know-nothing internet, but I'd be curious to know if this landed on anyone's desk.

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

Could we get a petition going on this? @_@ It's worth it.

[Guest MrRant]

You forgot...

 

Thou shall reserve exclamations such as "Damn him to hell" and "By God He's Dead" to once or twice per month to uphold their signifigance.

[Guest cynicalprofit]

Also. come up with some new phrases every once and a while, Hoss is getting thrown around to lightly.

[Guest ShooterJay]

This list will actually be personally be useful to me, when I PBP my first show tomorrow (cheap shill.) Thanks a lot, jester.

[Guest LesnarLunatic]

Shooter Jay:

 

so... what's the Lobsterman like? does he go to Red Lobster and eat?

[Guest jester]

"This list will actually be personally be useful to me, when I PBP my first show tomorrow (cheap shill.) Thanks a lot, jester."

 

No problem man. Where are you doing this PBP, and for what outfit?

 

jester

[Guest AssDroid!]

You forgot the Mark Madden rule: Thou shalt not point out the stupidity of thine own company's booking.

 

I got that from the new Wrestlecrap entry, the Skins match versus his UFC bodyguard or whatever. Madden points out that Big Al is deriding pro wrestling but then he is wrestling in a pro wrestling match!

[Guest jester]

Ok guys, I'm taking notes. We'll probably be at 20 commandments before long.

 

jester

[Guest caboose]

You forgot the single most important Announcer Commandment,

 

The Commandment With A Bullet: Thou Shalt not be Michael Cole.

[Guest gangsteruwa]

What about: Thou shalt only talk about the wrestlers involved in the match.

[Guest DrEvil]

9. B) Thou shalt remain a FORMER wrestler and not get into the ring, taking time away from active wrestlers.

[Guest Goodear]

I love these things... I present the 10 Commandments of Booking because I feel like it.

 

1) Thou job is to put over the workers. Thou own self don't mean shit, so don't be on TV unless you're putting over a worker.

 

2) Thou shall not have Divas with no purpose

 

3) Thou shall allow wrestlers input on their characters... but just THEIR characters

 

4) Your wrestlers "profession" shall be wrestling, not plumbing

 

5) Thou shall make your titles the main focus of feuds

 

6) Thou shall not have a hardcore division

 

7) Thou shall have wrestlers wrestle the style that they are best at

 

8) Thou shall push those that are over

 

9) Thou shall not push your kids

 

10) Thou shall have "divisions" with more than six people/teams in them

[Guest ShooterJay]

To answer the questions I got earlier today.

 

I'm doing PBP for the All-Star 'Rasslin Association (AWA) a very small NH-based indy that just set up a paid-programming timeslot on WNDS (starting in Sept.) and will also be airing on local access stations in NH and my hometown in MA.

 

Anyway, I did this in postproduction today for five straight hours today, doing commentary for the first five episodes of the series. As you can see by my sig, I do a lot more than PBP for these guys.

 

I generally followed all of the commandments. I only made one mistake (other than a couple unnoticeable, random flubs). During a triple threat match, in a lull during the action, my partner and co-producer asked me how often I went to the gym (this was brought up because one of our workers has an "I always get gassed" gimmick,) and I made a comment that insinuated I would be a better worker than a lot of the guys (to be fair, I do have a better build than some of the wresters) I felt bad immediately and retracted the statement.

 

We came across really well, I think. Don't believe people when they say how hard it is. If you have a good delivery and a knowledge of wrestling you can do well.

 

To the guy who asked what Lobsterman is like. He's a really nice guy, albeit a little strange. He really knows a lot about wrestling, and is actually a big Stampede fan. He like to eat a Hilltop Steakhouse, not Red Lobster, btw.

 

P.S. If anyone wants to know, my "gimmick name" is Jason Klifton, which is an Andy Kauffman homage.