Pro Wrestling: The New-Age Religion

[Guest M Nyland]

Pro Wrestling: A New-Age Religion

By: M Nyland

 

 

Introduction

 

As night falls, people gather before a symbol of worship, love, hate, life, magic, imagination, and the unreal. These people sit and watch in hopes of catching the pure glimpses of perfection that they are so often promised but are rarely given. These people are from all walks of life, all colors, all races, and all religions. They look to the symbol and silently speak the words for which they have been told…

 

“Get The F Out!”

 

Yes. The WWE, and pro wrestling in general, is one of the most dominating religions to sweep across the world. It has millions of dedicated members that spend two or more days a week practicing the rituals that they have been taught. Thumb pointing, water spitting, break-dancing, and the fine art of being a bad-ass. I would like to take a look at how the WWE, WCW, ECW, and others all are religions to us.

 

WWE

 

World Wrestling Entertianment is the premier religion to be associated with. Vince McMahon has proven himself to be God. His word is order. The prophets(bookers/writers) share the word with the sinners and the saints(heels and faces) as they walk out to the alter(ring) and deliver their sermon multiple times each week. The sinners are looked upon as the end-all of evil, while the saints are the greatest forces of good. This was the beginning.

 

As time past, the line between sinner and saint became blurred, and some of the followers could not distinguish the two. One of the higher prophets, also named Vince, pushed for God to follow this new wave and work it into their religion to gain as many followers as possible. Before this could happen, two fallen angels drifted from the heavens and sunk into the abyss of Hell. This hell was…

 

WCW

 

WCW was nothing more than a televangelist scam. It took the commandments of the WWE and made them their own, throwing in swerves so as to make us believe we are not being brainwashed. The fallen angels arrived and so did others, former WWE followers crossed the fiery pit and became what WCW wanted them to become. Worshippers began to cry out and chant along with what WCW was giving them, forgetting more and more about the originators. It took a cult to bring the WWE back from the grave.

 

 

 

ECW

 

In western Pennsylvania, a man looked at what he saw in front of him and decided to become the Anti-Christ. He began small and became successful due to his new brand of religious faith. Bloodshed was a ritual performed almost daily by his followers. He had no saints or sinners. He had followers that rose above the others and became the leaders of the new revolution. As God watched down upon them he saw what he needed to tear the Devil away from what was rightfully his.

 

God took the Anti-Christ’s ideas and morphed them to his own image and cast them down upon the world, and those that had left him years before flooded back to the Book of “Austin” and became so feverous that nothing could stop them. The WWE was number one again and the Devil and his minions faded away to nothing. God saw these lost souls and gave them refuge…but God did not want them to get off so easily. He tortured them and tormented them just as they had done him. He buried them alive and drowned them in seas of loath and self-pity. He made them take vicious beatings of which no mortal had ever seen before. Only after one year did they finally begin to gain acceptance into God’s image.

 

God always watches down upon the other, smaller religions. Garbage religions where people set themselves on fire and dive from tall buildings only to land face first in the dirt. He looks down upon them and laughs knowing that they do not have the spiritual guidance to ever defeat him. God watches the world try to worship the false images, images that strive to be in God’s image, but will forever fail.

 

The Others

 

Some people believe that this God is nothing but a fake. They believe they see through the games he plays. But he plays no games. He cares not whether you enjoy him or not, because he knows the truth. The real world is fake to him, and not the other way around. He has come out of his hiding to tell us that it is nothing but a joke, a farce of humanity, but the followers just continue to believe. They cheer wildly even when situations and happenings are predicted days or weeks beforehand. They care not about what others think…In God they trust……for now. Some followers here the cries of “fake!”,”phony!”, and “Devil!” and they run away, leaving God to suffer in the wake.

 

Even as some followers begin to desert him, he knows they will be back. He has the true believers with him, and they will always look to him. God is forever, and his message lives on in all of us. He is the shepherd and we are his sheep…

 

 

The sheep, the followers, the worshippers….whatever you wish to call them…all worship God, but only worship the Saints they see fit to worship. Some followers look upon the technicians for their perfect style, while some bow down before the high-fliers for soaring through the air without wings. Some followers love bloodshed and pure malice, and some only wish for fairness. No matter what they worship, they still belong to God, and are his children.

 

As his children, we spread the word so that others may look to him for joy in a cold world. Seven days a week, the traveling sermons stop and stories are told to thousands of people, preparing for the Armageddon. One day it will come down to the final battle of good and evil……and chances are the world will be a better place when God has his final say.

 

 

 

Professional Wrestling may not be the greatest religion...but the REAL believers do not care. They tell the rest to “get the F out!” The symbols, prophets, sinners, and saints may change…but the message stays the same. “Anything can happen…” if WE believe.

[Guest SupaTaft]

Much better. I liked this one much more than the other one.

 

AOK

 

-SupaTaft