rant: bret hart/ric flair iron man match

[Guest godthedog]

i've never seen any rants on the almost-famous bret/flair iron man match, so i thought i'd take a stab at it, cause this match definitely deserves a rant. i didn't type it to find out what you guys think of my rant style (cause i don't really have one), i typed it up for the benefit of those who have never seen the match. hope it sparks some interest and makes people look for the match. but beware, this is a long fucking rant (mostly because it was a long fucking match).

 

60-minute iron man match for the WWF title, most falls at the end wins. Bobby Heenan is at ringside, in Flair's corner. Bret and Flair take their time and lock up. Flair forces Bret into the corner and whoos him. Something happens that I can't quite see (because it's a fancam and the camera is pointed at the crowd), but the guys come back into focus in time for me to see them lock up again. This time Bret forces Flair into the corner. Flair is a little frustrated and pushes Bret, who responds by slapping the spit out of Flair's mouth. Another lock up leads to some nice chain wrestling that ends with Flair in a hammerlock. He reaches the ropes, taking the time to sell the arm nicely. He gets Bret in a wristlock and attempts the time-tested heel trick of pulling the hair to gain leverage, which pisses Bret off. Flair tries to keep the upper hand with a chinlock, but Bret quickly reverses into a hammerlock. Flair takes over again with some chops, and from here they go into a really long sequence of Flair working Bret's arm that I won't bother doing play-by-play on. Flair keeps it mildly interesting (using the ropes like only he can, working the repeated pinfall attempt, yelling at fans, etc.), and at one point does something I've never seen before: he keeps Hart in a hammerlock while holding him down for the pin and puts all his weight on the good shoulder, forcing him to fight it by putting his bad shoulder up. Brilliant. There's another noteworthy segment during this flurry of armbars where Flair punches Bret three times in the face and Bret sells like he's been hit with a crowbar. This becomes important later. Bret finally says, "Okay, enough of this shit where I just lie on the ground and act hurt," and mounts a comeback (taking the time to sell the arm the whole times), until Flair gets an inverted atomic drop while Bret's doing the ten punches in the corner. But Bret manages to maintain the upper hand, dodging an elbow drop and doing the requisite "Flair gets whipped into the turnbuckle then back body dropped" spot.

 

Bret with a figure four on Flair (hooking the right leg, which is strange, because in the fucked-up logic of wrestling, Flair is gonna have to sell the right leg instead of the left). The crowd is going nuts in appreciation of the rich dramatic irony here, I didn't know wrestling fans could be so high-brow. Bret has also stopped selling the arm. Flair is screaming, fighting to get the ropes. Something interesting about the submission holds so far: when Bret's in a hold he takes the time to act hurt, but Flair takes the time to act hurt AND try to find a way out of the hold. Flair gets the ropes (after a really weird spot where the ref kicks his arm away from the ropes, preventing him from reaching them for a while) and goes to the apron to recover, but Bret won't let him; he suplexes Flair to the inside and hooks on the figure four again. Flair quickly counters with a rake to the face, and throws Bret out of the ring in desperation to let himself recover. Flair looks hurt, limping around the ring, trying to walk it off. I'm sure Bret looks hurt too, but the camera's not on him so I can't comment. Bret comes inside and Flair punches him in the face a LOT (with Bret selling like a madman for them), then tosses him outside and slams his face into the railing. Bret beats the ten count back in, only to have Flair knee drop him (with Flair selling the leg the whole time). He misses a second knee drop and Bret hooks on the figure four yet AGAIN. He does it quickly enough for me to buy as a near-fall, but Flair makes the ropes. Bret keeps working the leg, but Flair throws him out. Bret attempts a sunset flip on his way back in, and almost gets Flair down, but he gets punched in the face and has to roll outside to recover. Bret has just absolved himself of forgetting about the arm, cause...when else have you ever seen someone have to go out of the ring to recover from a punch? He tries a sunset flip again but Flair's smart enough this time to counter it with some elbows. Flair gets a 2 count from a backdrop suplex. He sends Bret to the ropes and goes for another punch, but Bret ducks and rolls him up for the 3 count out of nowhere. 1-0 Bret, and both players get a one-minute rest period after each fall.

 

By now Bret's recovered enough to get his momentum going. Flair begs off in the corner and suckers him into a quick pin attempt, which (of course) doesn't work. Sleeper hold by Bret (which is excellent psychology--the move requires no effort, and at this point Bret can afford to wear him down and stall instead of going for another pin), but Flair hoists him up and slams his knee against Flair's own, causing Bret to break the hold and start holding his leg in pain (which, to me, doesn't make a whole lot of sense; why would a basic move like that hurt so much?). And since Bret's holding his leg, we all know what happens from here: Flair starts working the knee like a madman--kicking it and twisting it around into places it's not supposed to be. He tries for a figure four but Bret's still too aware of his surroundings to let that happen. Heenan distracts the ref long enough for him to bash Bret's knee in with a chair. Ref ejects Heenan from ringside, and Bret's lying in the corner, clutching his leg like it's about to fall off. He's absolutely helpless, and Flair slaps the figure four on him in the center of the ring. Bret's using everything he has to block out the pain as much as he can. Crowd starts a "Let's go Bret" chant. He stays in the hold for a loooooooong time, but finally reaches the ropes. Then Flair drags him out to the middle of the ring and puts him in the figure four again. Bret is just writhing in pain, barely hanging on. Flair grabs the ropes for extra leverage, Bret has absolutely no way to counter, nowhere to go...and he finally submits. 1-1, and Flair decidedly has the advantage.

 

Flair keeps working the leg, taking his time, and Bret's in so much pain he can't do anything. He can't mount any kind of offense, can't counter anything, and at this point is just trying to stay alive. Flair goes for the figure four again, but Bret rushes to the ropes and uses every ounce of strength he has just to hold on, with Flair trying to pull him back to the middle of the ring. Bret's hands slip, and Flair--you guessed it--puts Bret in yet another figure four, with assistance from the ropes. Bret has no choice but to submit again, and it's 2-1 in Flair's favor.

 

Bret rolls out of the ring to buy some time, and Flair starts coming at him with a chair before the ref stops him. Actually, I don't see why he didn't just hit Bret with the chair anyway. Flair could've afforded the loss and just put another figure four on him, grinding Bret's knee into oblivion and making it even harder for Bret to stay in the match. Anyway, we're back in the ring. Flair puts Bret in the figure four AGAIN, but Bret's close enough to the ropes to grab them in time. At this point it looks like Bret has no hope in hell of even getting an offensive move in, much less winning the match. Flair continues to make him his bitch, but Bret still has something left in him--albeit only enough to get a few punches in and a headbutt (which is not the wisest thing to do, considering the shots he's taken to the head so far in this match). And indeed, Bret's too hurt by his own headbutt to capitalize while Flair's down, so Flair stays in control by working the pinfall attempt (with ropes, of course). Bret eventually sees another opening and starts slugging away at Flair in desperation. Flair's too dazed to regain control of the match, so Bret keeps on slugging. He gets the ten punches in the corner, then nurses his leg (selling! Dig it!) while the crowd gets treated to a Flair flop. Whip to the turnbuckle yields a Flair flip and the Nature Boy flies off the ropes for a double axe-handle as quick as he can, but Bret sees it and nails him in the stomach. Crowd is slowly getting louder. Bret starts rolling off the five moves of doom (still selling the leg for the entire time), and Bret is FINALLY decidedly back on the offensive. See how smooth that transition was? They didn't follow the "wrestler A has control until wrestler B gets control with one big move" formula--it took a series of moves and circumstances for Bret to regain control of the match. Flair runs to the corner and Bret, like an idiot, runs after him, which gives Flair the perfect opportunity to kick him square in the nuts. It gets a couple two counts, and Flair works the pinfall attempt again (with what? with ROPES!). He throws Bret off the ropes for a hip toss, but Bret counters it into a backslide (which i TOTALLY bought as a near-fall) for two. It takes Flair a second to orient himself and Bret is stalking toward him like a big old bear is stalking toward a teeny little bunny rabbit. However, this teeny little bunny rabbit cheats, and it sticks its thumb in the big old bear's eye. All Bret's momentum is lost, you can feel the air going out of the crowd. Flair puts Bret in a sleeper, and Bret fights hard to get out of it. He even makes the ropes, but Flair pulls him away into the center of the ring (but shouldn't the ref break the hold anyway?). Bret keeps fighting, keeps fighting...but he's starting to go limp. Ref raises Bret's hand once and it falls...twice...

 

But the hand stays up the third time, and Bret uses what precious little energy he has left to run to the corner and duck his head, sending Flair's face into the turnbuckle. Flair's hurt, but Bret is just out of it. He tries to capitalize, but he can't even stand up straight. Flair recovers first and gets a two count from a chop. We've got ten minutes left. Flair whips Bret into the buckle a couple times and gets some two counts from that. Stalling suplex gets a two and Flair can't believe Bret could have anything in him at this point. He tries to cover again, still gets two. Elbow drop gets two. Flair goes to the top rope.

 

Pop quiz time: Flair goes to the top rope, what happens now?

 

a) He hits Bret with a splash that gets a two count

 

b ) He pulls off the first and only 450 splash of his career for a three count and a two-fall advantage

 

c) He attempts a dragonrana but Bret reverses it to a running powerbomb

 

d) He gets thrown off

 

Answer at the end of this rant. Meanwhile, Bret is standing back up, blocking out the pain, the fatigue, the lactic acid, and is running on pure adrenaline. Flair chops him; he blocks out the pain and no sells it. Flair gets pissed and chops again, Bret no-sells again. He pulls his straps off and stalks toward Flair (still limping--only Bret fucking Hart can even sell while he's no-selling), screaming at him to hit harder. Flair is shitting his pants right now, he has absolutely no idea what to do. Bret unloads on him with a back body drop, a bulldog, a backbreaker and a superplex. Five minutes left. Bret's firmly in control, but Flair still has enough left to hold on to that one-fall advantage...until Bret slaps the sharpshooter on him for the submission. 2-2.

 

At this point, Heenan runs in to help Flair up, but the ref kicks him out again. Well, that was...pointless. Bret tries a shoulder block, and we've got a double KO. I guess both guys needed a breather, but...a shoulder block, this late in the match? Flair's up first but Bret makes him eat an inverted atomic drop. He puts Flair on the top rope for the superplex and is about to pick him up, but Flair rakes the eyes. But Flair can't get off the top rope in time and Bret goes up again to finish it, but Flair punches him in the face...and this is when the work on the face pays off, cause Bret falls like a ton of bricks and he's out cold. The crowd gasps. He's flat on his back and he's not moving. At all. This is BAD. Flair slowly crawls toward Bret and covers him...for two. Everybody in the arena goes apeshit. Flair punches him in the face again...for two. Flair is frustrated now. He unloads on Bret's face with a flurry of right hands then puts the figure four on him. Bret's hurt and ALMOST out of it, but he reaches the ropes. Flair throws him to the outside in desperation, Bret makes it back in with a sunset flip (where we get to see the crack of Flair's ass) for a two count. Flair's had enough of this, he's ready to end this match NOW. They fight over position in the ring (with Flair pulling like mad on Bret's leg to drag him to the center, and Bret trying to hold on to the ropes for dear life) and Flair finally wins that battle, getting him in the middle of the ring. He hooks Bret's leg for the figure four, but when he leans in for the other leg Bret cradles him for the count, the pinfall and the victory with less than a minute to go. Final result: 3-2 Bret Hart, and I'm exhausted just watching this thing. *****

 

In sum: The first two words that come to mind are "holy" and "shit." This is the most cerebral match I've ever seen outside of Japan. Not only that, but the back-and-forth between these two was absolutely spot on, with the drama building ever-so-slowly to heights that pro wrestling matches almost never reach. The storytelling was perfect, and the selling that Hart and Flair do cannot be hyperbolized enough (aside from when Bret stopped selling the arm a little too early). Once you get past the format (i.e., the lack of commentary and handheld camera) and pay close attention to the match, it's one of the most rewarding fights you'll ever see. Aside from some little qualms I already mentioned, my only problem with this match is the long armbar sequence that had nothing to do with the rest of the match. But I can easily overlook that for the plusses.

 

Answer: d

[Guest The Superstar]

Great rant! Sounds like an awesome match...is it on a comp tape or what?

[Guest godthedog]

i got it on a 'best of u.s. handhelds' tape from a site that unfortunately no longer exists. but youth n asia says he's got a tape for sale on his website that features the match, along with the (far inferior) bret/owen iron man match from '94. send him a private message & i'm sure he'll be happy to hook you up.

[Guest AxelSmash]

great rant but isn't it difficult to write about a match for 1 hour? I tried with Shawn/Bret and gave up at 35:00.