Funny Lines from TV and Movies

[Guest EQ]

It might be cool to start a thread about funny lines in TV and Movies. It would be nice if the lines were funny enough that we don't need to know the situation behind them to find the humor.

 

Here's my first:

 

"Ugly Bob, your face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver."

~Philip

 

From "Not Without My Anus" (South Park April Fools Episode)

[Guest areacode212]

Here's one of my favorite "NewsRadio" exchanges:

 

Jimmy: "No no no no, I'm the one that approved it, I'll handle the cancellation."

Dave: "Are you sure you don't want me to handle this? Because, you know, when Bill and Lisa combine their energies, their powers of persuasion go up fivefold."

Jimmy: "You know, Dave, really, I appreciate your Dungeons and Dragons approach to office management..."

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

Movie lines:

"You people voted for Huebert Humphery! And you killed Jesus!"

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"THE SIGN ON THE BACK OF THE CAR SAID CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD YOU DUMB FUCK!"

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Telly lines:

"Beer! Now there's a temporary solution!"

The Simpsons

[Guest chirs3]

Television

 

"Mr. President... If, uhh... if anyone asks, you stopped smoking years ago, and that cigarette you bummed on Airforce 1 was for a friend." - Joshua Lieman, The West Wing

 

"How did you know the first lady wasn't going to be naked in here? ... come to think of it, where the hell is my wife?" - President Bartlett, The West Wing

 

"... Gir, I feel I now know enough about human affection... and I HATE IT! Especially the part with the beeeeeans!" - Zim, Invader Zim

 

"For longer than I can remember,

I've been looking for someone like you...

Someone with a head like yours,

and a torso too.

Birds sing, and you're gonna PAY! THE END! HERE'S YOUR MEAT COVERED IN BARBECUE SAUCE!"

- Tak, Invader Zim

 

"My Tallest, a new child attacked me with meeeat... my conclusion? She's in LOVE with me!" - Zim, Invader Zim

 

 

 

 

No movie quotes yet.

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

"You old fool. You're probably so drunk you're seein' doubles"

"Well I have two guns; one for each of you"

Tombstone

 

"CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!"

South Park's scouts episode

[Guest Youth N Asia]

From Buffy the Vampire Slayer

 

"I laugh in the face of danger, then I hide till it goes away"

-Xander

 

"I"m just going to go home, lay down, and listen to country music...the music of pain"

-Xander

 

"Let's go save the world...for the sake of puppys and Christmas or something"

-Spike (maybe not exact, but close)

 

GLORY: "Who is the key?

SPIKE: "That guy from TV, from the pricing show."

MINION 1: "Bob Barker?"

MINION 2: "We will serve you Bob Barker's bloody head on a platter!"

GLORY: "It's not Bob Barker!"

 

Funny to me anyway

[Guest bob_barron]

Any line from Dirty Work.

 

Best. Movie. Ever

[Guest Flyboy]

I could say many lines from Fraiser...

[Guest dreamer420]

"it was only my head. it was jennifer aniston's body"

 

- gale weathers (courteney cox)

scream 2

[Guest MrRant]

Soooo many from Married W/Children here is one from Al:

 

Al about his life:

 

So, we're having a new baby. The gods are on a roll, aren't they? Must've been playing another round of "Can you top this?"

 

One started off, "We'll make him a shoe salesman."

Then another said, "We'll give him a red-head."

Then another one, probably a cruel, hungover god, said, "But let's have him be a mighty athlete in high school first so his fall will be all the greater."

[Guest Jerome Drake]

Hill: Aw, fuck.

Beecher: What?

Hill: You farted.

Beecher: I didn't.

Hill: Pee-fucking-yoo.

Beecher: I didn't fart.

Hill: Damn, man. Five hours til dawn, and I gotta be in a glass box with the King of Stink. I'm gonna get Gulf-fuckin'-war syndrome.