Thoughts, Opinions, Etc

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

[EDITED for spelling errors]

 

) Alright. It's my first time watching this, and there seems to be such a fandom for it on this forum (or is it just the backlash of the anti-WWE sentiment?) that I figured I would give it a shot.

 

) Earlier today, Goldilocks interviews Ken Shamrock, who angrily talks about destroying people and then is never seen or heard from again. It's not like they're a touring organization, so how much is it to ask him to drop by the arena to say this? There could even be a brief three-man brawl between him, Malice, and Jeff Ja...

 

) ...Oh wait. Scott Hall is fighting Jarrett backstage. For some reason, Jarrett is kicked out. I'm not really sure what happened here, as there's a lot of shouting and so on, but anyway...

 

) Pyros and stuffs. Perhaps this happened earlier. Whatever. It doesn't feel like an indy league...

 

) And then the talent appears. Some manager I can't remember comes down with his three men. One looks like a skinnier and paler version of Bradshaw circa 1999, another one (Malice) has plenty of tattoos, and the third one I'll just call Count Eyepatch. He looks pretty rediculous. I think I'll just refer to this stable as Team Goth until I find or remember it's name, as that seems to be the gist of it.

 

) Father Iforgotthename of Team Goth jaws for a while, and he's got a while to go before he can excite anyone on the stick. This guy's so evil he's gone beyond the handlebar mustache, his EYEBROWS show how evil he is. Anyhow, this segment fails to impress until the lights go out and... Enter Sabu.

 

) MALICEvs SABU: Slugging to start. Sabu goes for a chair. I've never seen ECW or Sabu before so take that in mind. Sabu throws chairs into Malice's head, then sets it up for a splash. The chair is kicked out then set up in the corner briefly. Ladders are brought out. One thing I'll give them, their ladders and chairs looks like they just came out of Home Depot, and I'm giving them the assumption they probably haven't been tampered with either. Sabu sets up a table, but the entire match progresses without any of the ringside heels paying attention to it. You think with three spare guys at ringside, one of them would disassemble or move the damn table. More fighting, chairshots, etc. Neat spot where the ladder is set up with one end on the crowd rail and one end on the apron's edge. However, the ultimate bump with that setup would be for someone to be flipped over the top rope and landing back first on it. No go here, as Malice just drops Sabu on it a few times. Malice goes for the belt a few times, and Sabu dropkicks it each time, sending Malice through the table for the win later. Chairs & ladders may be real, but the tables they sure be fixed. I'll use that nifty star system people like to use here and say **1/2 Afterwards, Sabu is chokeslammed off the apron and into another table.

 

) I can't remember the order of events after this so things may be messed up.

 

) AJ Styles comes out and ignores Sabu crawling his way backstage to give a promo. Hell if I can remember what it was about. Jerry Lynn comes out for a scintillating rebuttal. Lynn throws down the rules and establishes himself as both the elder and the leader. One would think this would make Lynn heel, but the crowd is siding with him anyway. Styles attacks from behind.

 

) Goldilocks takes us into the ladies' locker room. I'm hoping that cameraman is really a camerawoman. Jasmine is freshening up and Francine sneak attacks. The brawl leads into the shower room, and of course the water comes on.

 

) K-Krush comes out for a promo. He basically announces that his start to the top is beginning RIGHT NOW. Krush seems to have dumped an entire McMahon-sized paycheck at the local piercing store by the way. Not only does he not deserve this much time at the stick, but looking at him is starting to make my face hurt.

 

) NORMAN SMILEY vs K-KRUSH IS GETTIN' ROWDY ROWDY: Never seen Smiley in action before, although his actual wrestling has a little amusing little spin or twist or whatever to keep the crowd alive. He doesn't have "The Look," but I'm guessing it's kind of like WWE's Scotty II Hotty? Whatever. Fight drags on and Krush gets the pin. *1/2 He then takes off his belt and starts choking Norman with it. A woman runs out and is identified as Mrs. Smiley. She manages to do what several staff men hanging around couldn't and get Norman freed, but Krush grabs her and gives the threatening look for a few seconds.

 

) Goldilocks interviews a midget in what has to be the worst interview ever. The combination of Puppet followed by a brief shot of the Dupps proves to be the most insulting promo I've ever witnessed. Oh well.

 

) TWO GUYS IN ELVIS OUTFITS vs CHRISTOPHER DANIELS and ELIX SKIPPER: Match was good, but the camera kept jumping back to Siaki chatting away with the announcers, taking away from the match. Estrada plays the Face In Peril so that Siaki can save him and drive the point home. Estrada gets a pin then the Dupps interfere with obviously pre-cut 2x4s. **1/4

 

) K-Krush has five words to say. Thankfully, he managed to get them out before Scott Hall rushed him from behind the camera.

 

) MIDGET MATCH: I can't bear to watch midget matches. I'm sorry. I have a TiVo with two tuners, one of which was recording this show, and I jumped to the other one to catch a glimpse of Enterprise instead. NO SCORE.

 

) JASMIN ST CLAIRE (with slightly-damp shirt) vs FRANCINE IS HOTTER THAN I THOUGHT: Three minute catfight. Looks like the women's division here isn't worth extensively writing about, so I'll just give it the Nod of Approval since it stayed under five minutes. Each woman pulls off a piece of the other's clothing, then Francine takes the lead with a belt. Blue Boy interferes and has nothing against DDTing a woman. He carries Jasmin away. I suspect Jasmin will eventually learn to wrestle someday.

 

) AJ STYLES vs LOWKI: So this is the X Division huh? I don't know what else to say except guys are giving each other chair shots and kicks to the head without covering themselves as much. AJ Styles does do some neat highflying stuff though. Lowki almost hits the finisher but spends too long parading Styles around over his neck. Styles catches Low Ki off the top and hits a finisher to win. **1/3

 

) Jerry Lynn comes out to pulverize Styles. Several times. You know, you can really tell the difference between the WWE and anybody else nowadays since McMahon outlawed piledrivers. Of course, the things are so inherantly dangerous I can't blame him, but this segment uses them several times and thus the shock value is cranked up after more than a year of hardly seeing the move.

 

) Next week's title match gets stipulations. Ladder vs Submission sounds like an overbooked idea with Russo fingerprints all over.

 

) SCOTCH HALL vs BRIAN LAWLER: Lawler cuts practically an entire promo with Hall standing right behind him. I guess Hall's drinking habit isn't a taboo subject to the guy after all, although all the adverts of Jerry and OMG SCINTILLATING DIRT ABOUT VINCE MCMAHON does nothing but reminds me to watch SmackDown tomorrow night. Anyway, Hall manages to keep his Goofy Selling to a minmum, thus disappointing me. Hall wakes the entire crowd up and spends some time both inside and outside. Lawler gets control briefly, but the Hip Hop Drop never takes off and the Edge signal is made. K-Krush interferes and it's tossed, and the Edge finishes Lawler. **3/4, and that that's a whole half-star just because Hall made me wake up. Krush returns and almost gets an Edge of his own, but Hall is crotched three times by Lawler and then three more by Krush & the belt. The chokeout from earlier is repeated.

 

) The medical team comes out with the stretcher to take Hall away. You can tell they're legitimate doctors by the khaki shirts they wear. Jeff Jarrett comes down the ramp, cleverly disgused as a medic. The kind of medic that carries a steel chair. He gives some brutal-looking shots as we fade out.

 

Epilogue:

Well, I can saw "I came, I paid, I saw" but call me less than impressed. Two hours of wrestling is good, but the promos are too long considering the guys giving them, and the entire show's wrestling was more or less "We work stiff!" The Elvises and X-Title matches had some extended matwork going, but that was the minority. Throw in the midget match (OWW MY BRANE) and you have a tweener of a show.

[Guest J*ingus]

) And then the talent appears. Some manager I can't remember comes down with his three men. One looks like a skinnier and paler version of Bradshaw circa 1999, another one (Malice) has plenty of tattoos, and the third one I'll just call Count Eyepatch. He looks pretty rediculous. I think I'll just refer to this stable as Team Goth until I find or remember it's name, as that seems to be the gist of it.

Did you never watch ECW or WCW? "some manager" is the Sinister Minister James Mitchell, and "Count Eyepatch" is Crowbar aka Devon Storm. Also, I'm not sure how you could've missed the name of the Disciples of the New Church, since the announcers said the name several times.

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Did you never watch ECW or WCW?

In case you didn't read the next paragraph, I actually said I never have watched ECW, and I only saw WCW waaaaay back in the day and never watched wrestling seriously at this point.

 

Also, I was unable to actually watch the show while writing this and was doing it from memory, next time I order the show I'll record it and watch along as I write.