Sample News Update, February 20/2002

[Guest erotic jesus]

Woo hoo!  Yes, back again with another sample news update...  And, well, I know that absolutely nobody has responded to me, and hey, that's great, right?  It works for the Godfather, he still has a job...  Okay...  that was lame.

 

I really have nothing to say about myself in this intro, yeah, nothing to boost my ego...  Except that, I, uhh, am really good looking, and have A LOT of spare time.  Yeah.

 

But speaking of ego boosting, on with the news:

 

Top Story:

 

The nWo.  Sigh...  where to begin.  Seemingly, every backstage nightmare any WWF employee had, is coming true.  The problem lies mostly with Scott Hall, and his conduct, allegedly having to be dragged to his hotel room after getting drunk and making an ass of himself.  You know, I bet you this happens at least once every week, with all kinds of different wrestlers, but we are only hearing about this because its Hall, and his life is one giant PSA for us all to enjoy.

 

Apparently Hall has one strike left with the WWF...  I find this to be rather premature, but whatever.  The WWF has little tolerance for newbies (remember Kronik?).  It's not like Scott Hall is about to Bagwell this whole angle, or anything...  His performance on TV has been, you know, pretty coherent.  He's got that over the head arm pointing thing down, and his Razor's Edge on the Rock was pretty okay, even though I hate to say, I expected him to botch it.

 

I could see Hall getting the pink slip, though...  which is good, cause he could use it to snort coke.  Oh, I am bad, I am real bad!

 

He could be easily replaced in the angle with, um, a lot of people...  Scott Steiner, Shawn Michaels...  maybe even Curt Hennig.  I am sure Rick Bogner is waiting by the payphone booth he defecates and sleeps in for that call from the WWF front offices.

 

What happens to Hall at the Smackdown tapings (which I won't spoil, if only because I'm lazy) may be considered a punishment, or warning to Hall, a la Bagwell, or The Public Enemy.  I am really curious to see how it plays out on TV.  I for one kind of like hearing about Hall's exploits...  if only because they make my alcoholism seem less raging.  In all seriousness, though, I am a fan of Hall's, and hope he can clean himself up and keep this gig...  certainly his last chance in any meaningful promotion.  Though, the WWA would hire him in a second, but nobody wants that...

 

Moving on to Hall's big bro, Kevin Nash...  Well, the buzz is that he's a sneaky, charming, manipulative super-villain, trying to win over political allies backstage.  Yeah?  Really?  No, not Nash, not the Nash I know!  He is trying to win over the Undertaker, who is considered the "locker room leader", which I think is a pile of crap, seeing as Nash and 'taker are good friends in real life, or at least were a few years ago.  I remember Nash giving a "shout-out" to 'taker when he was on the DL, on WCW's old internet show, whatever the hell it was called...

 

(credit:  a website which credited the Wrestling Observer)

 

More WWF NEWS:

 

You know, I miss Face 2 Face.  And Raymond Rougeau's impeccable pronunciation.  I remember watching WWF Challenge in about '95 (well, here in Canada it was Cavalcade Of Wrestling...  and it was still only '94), and Jim Ross was called halfway through the show to deal with an "emergency" in the Face 2 Face "studios".  Never to be seen again with a straight face.

 

But enough of that.  I forgot yesterday to include Spike & Tazz vs. the APA at Wrestlemania, for the tag titles...  I expect, ahem, that to, uhh, change, though beforehand.  *wink* *wink*...  Damn this citric acid in my eye!

 

I also forgot that Nash could very well end up squashing Booker T at Wrestlemania.  Or maybe Test.  That would be weird on so many levels...  Especially the level of two lumbering beasts clubbing each other, and playing with their hair.

 

I am expecting the Rock to take some time off after his attempted "vehicular assault" (oh, that wacky WWF!).  He probably needs more time to finish up the Scorpion King, which could be his ticket out of this crooked corporation.

 

Also, according to Meltzer, the WWF morale is at an all time low, much like it was in 1995, except they are actually making money...  Well, that's monopoly for you...  the boys can't very well threaten to go toss their title belts in Bischoff's garbage can now (without beaning him in the head), so who cares about morale, huh?  The real winners are the fans!

 

Another thing with Monopoly is that it is a really fun boardgame, you should try it.  I find moving that little hat around to be very...  sexual.

 

I think the WWF needs a saviour under the age of 35.  I mean, who came in during 1995, the end of the last dark age?  Yes, yes, Alex Porteau, I know.  But I am thinking of Steve Austin, who ushered in the, umm, golden age of blood and profanity.  The WWF needs a guy to come in, and take the airwaves by storm, and change the style for the next five years...  and that man could very well be...  Mr. Rico Constantino!

 

non-WWF NEWS:

 

Yes, I do have some.  Former NHL hockey player Tony Twist is becoming a wrestler, making his debut with World League Wrestling on Friday...   Now, this fills me with glee, since as a youngster, when I still followed hockey, I would love to see Twist's name at the very bottom of the standings for whichever team he played for (St. Louis and Quebec, I think).  The man likely never scored more than ten points in his NHL career, but his name makes him so cool and marketable!

 

WWF Undisputed World Champion, Tony Twist!  It just SOUNDS right.  I mean, that is such a cool name, something you would expect to be a cocktail, or the title of a Toni Braxton remix CD.

 

Look for Twist to enter the WWF as "The Goon 2: Even Goonier!" very soon.  Watch out Rico!

 

(credit:  Slam! Wrestling)

 

I think that's going to be all for me today.  Hey, the twelve of you who bother to read, drop me a line at [email protected] or respond to this message...  I would love to hear if I have reached any of you.  Power to the people!

 

But thanks again...  Even if I don't hear from you, I am enjoying myself, pretending to be a news recapper.  I won't let my dream die just yet!  Maybe tomorrow!

 

kam2k

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