The Update Of News

[Guest SuicidalAfterBash91]

The Slightly Agitated Englishman.

 

I already have a name and a character, so I here the WWA are faxing my contract to me tomorrow.

 

Everyone else gets a go so I've decided to step into the News giving arena.

 

***

 

Damn that dastardly Hogan. Seeing him drive a trailor into the Rock's ambulance sunk my heart and not because I wonder what WWF will do whilst the great one films his murder mystery film "Scott Hall And The Mysterious Snow". More because the WWF cannot do vehicle angles. Past vehicle angles have included Tripper 'dying'...for a short time. Guess those pills weren't roids. And the 'Stone Cold Knockdown' angle that turned Rikishi, who only gets over by having a large can anyway so, you know. WWF.com described Raw as 'unbelievable' and I have to agree. I didn't think OAPs were allowed to drive cars, let alone trailers.

 

***

 

So, Stone Cold got arrested. Dammit! When the cops are there, it's bad. Like the abysmal Bull Buchanan/Bossman vs Taker angle. Don't the WWF realise. If cops knew about wrestling then King Of The Deathmatch tournaments would be the victims of dawn raids...in my area you go in custody for littering, for fuck's sake.

 

***

 

At least Smackdown will have RVD & The Hardyz vs. Lance Storm and, as a side note, The Dudz. Should be cool, unless someone hands Storm a chair.

 

***

 

The Great Muta could be lined up for WWF Japan color commentary. Well, in Japan that might work. He may even work a program with The Rock. Did someone say 'style clash'...oh no you said 'who needs another ageing fatass in the WWF'. My mistake.

 

***

 

All Japan is ready to sign up Kaz Hayashi. I certainly would love to see more Lenny Lane/Hayashi matches!

 

***

XPW continued their 'wrestlers out' policy as they let Vampiro go. WWA are said to be offering him women...men...a fiver...some snout to work at the PPV

 

***

Kevin Nash said it was great to be back in WWF, where his career started. Definate sign of senile dementia, or amnesia. Or both. He also said Shawn Michaels was the best wrestler ever, but Ric Falir reminded him that "to be the man, you gotta beat the man", before realising it was an OOC interview.

 

***

HHH said that the No Way Out match wasn't "wasn't the result he was attempting to receive". Damn, how blantantly does that read "I tried to use the 'i'm doing Stephanie' thing, but Angle snuck up with a really big envolope. Curses".

 

***

Scott Hall angered bosses by telling the Dudz "that's some great move you guys have there (3D). I can't wait to kick out of it." Dammit, Hall, you're not in WCW now where your opponents are all JTTS using the 'Body Slam Of Indefinite Unhappyness'. Jeez. What was he smok...oh wait...

 

***

WWF look to be someway to securing the two PPVs per month deal with DirectTV so that the roster split can go ahead. By the evidence of No Way Out the WWF should drop some PPVs, not double the numbers. The cash cow is screaming right now as the WWF milks it hard, baybeh.

 

***

There could be some pushes for D'Lo Brown, Randy Orton, Jaime Knoble, Rico Costantino and Lady Victoria when the roster split takes place. Jesus, some of the indy talent out there is just great and you promote these guys. Not bad wrestlers but not what we want.

 

***

Chyna has made appearances at Entertainment Tonight and will be at the Grammys. Some day she'll just call it quits and go on the Game...which won't be a new experience for her, obviously.

 

***

That's all for now folks, please give feedback and enjoy Smackdown...as much as is possible