PROMO: Window Pain...

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Fade in on the New Sound locker room, where Fugue and the Rising Sun, Y2K, sit. Y2K lay on the couch, actually, his mask pulled down over his eyes as he tries to get some sleep. Fugue sits in a corner by the grand piano, playing some obscure classical song that'd probably be very good in the mind of people who like obscure classical songs. Unfortunately the man who's about to enter doesn't... in 3... 2.... 1...

 

"Hey yo!" The locker room door bursts open and the cheery voice of Mike Van Siclen enters the room, causing Fugue to screw up his notes and Y2K to jar from his slumber. "What's up, guys? Ready for Wrath?"

 

"Jesus, Mike," says the Rising Sun, sleep filling his voice, "it's fucking four days until Wrath, and it's seven o'clock at night... lemme get some fuckin' sleep!"

 

"Fine, fine..." Mike says, his enthusiasm almost completely uncurbed. "What about you, Tony? You ready to bring home some gold?"

 

"Mike, Mike... shouldn't you be worried about your Window Pain match?"

 

"Ah-ha, you would think so, but I wouldn't, because Mikey Claus has brought in some shit to help me prepare for that..." With that, Mike extracts his hand from inside his jacket, pulling out a bag with the words Movie Gallery on it. Fugue sighs.

 

"Mike, playing Britney's Dance Beat and trying to unlock the nude video isn't going to help you win."

 

"Tony, Tony, I was piss drunk that night man! Besides, I didn't rent the Britney game... oh no." Mike opens the bag and extracts a navy blue case.

 

"Oh, no, you rented Fantavision instead, right?"

 

"Tony, my good man, you misjudge me! No, in this case is SJL Absolution, as well as a memory card, which has unlocked the Window Pain match."

 

Fugue sighs. "Mike, playing a video game might help hand-eye coordination, but it won't help you beat John Cougar."

 

"Yeah, but it'll allow me to get acquainted with it! And besides, I've really thought this one out..." Mike extracts another case from the bag, this one obviously a DVD case.

 

"What is that, Best of Willa Ford?"

 

"Why do you think I'm obsessed with female pop divas, anyway?"

 

Fugue blandly points to Mike's corner of the locker room, which has posters of Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore, Britney Spears, Willa Ford, and Rob Van Dam decorating it.

 

"So? That doesn't mean I'm obsessed with them."

 

"No, it means you're obsessed with Rob Van Dam."

 

Mike stares at Fugue. "That was cold, man."

 

Fugue shoots Mike a lopsided grin. "I know."

 

"No, this digital video disc is the SJL's bloodiest matches. Included... TNT v. Tod deKindes, Three Stages of Hell. Iceman v. Suicide v. Snow Demon, Balcony Match... look, I made it on the tape! But, of course, there's also the match I'm looking for, which is T-Bone v. Frost, Window Pain match."

 

"Explain to me what good it does you to watch two men bludgeon each other, Mikey."

 

"It's all about the strategy, Antonio! If I can figure out how Frost beat T-Bone, I can beat Johnny Cougar!"

 

"Mike, it could take years for you to figure out exactly how Frost beat T-Bone."

 

"What's your point?"

 

"You have four days."

 

"So? I'm smart. I can figure this shit out in four days."

 

"Mike, you have the work ethic of a drunk who's addicted to speed, while at the same time being a crack baby."

 

"I can get serious! Anyway, I need to start studying, so you can go back to playing Nighttime Enchilda or whatever."

 

Fugue mutters, "It's Moonlight Sonata," as Mike goesover to his corner, firing up the TV and DVD and putting in the SJL's Bloodiest Matches DVD. Skipping over Annie Eclectic v. Sydney Sky and Tod deKindes v. TNT, he goes straight to T-Bone v. Frost.

 

Frost pops up still full of vitality with his dagger poised anew up over his head.  T-Bone turns to confront Frost as he brings the knife down at his face.  T-Bone puts both of his hands up and catches Frost around the wrists.  Frost’s head and shoulders shake in rage and effort as he tries to force the dagger down on its path.  The A-1 one buckles to his knees and struggles to keep the knife away.  He falls back on the canvas with his legs trapped under him.  Frost follows him down still trying to drive the dagger right between his eyes.  With his legs bent, T-Bone actually has a bit of a leverage advantage and slings Frost over to his right.  The rotation causes both their hands to slip and the knife rips across T-Bone’s right bicep to produce a deep bloody gash.  He lets loose a primal howl of pain as Frost rolls off of him.

 

Mike visibly winces, but he continues watching intently...

 

Just as Frost’s feet leave the apron, deKindes and TNT pull the glass back and Frost merely drives T-Bone into the outside floor mats.  In one swift motion, the pair of faces sweep the glass up and over to come crashing down on Frost’s head.  It shatters into a million pieces and bits go flying everywhere to litter the floor.

 

"Jesus!" Mike yells out, and Fugue shoots a look in his direction.

 

"What happened?"

 

"TNT and Tod just shattered a pane of glass over Frost's head!"

 

"Yeah, generally that hurts."

 

"Jeez, man, I don't want that shit to happen to me!"

 

"Mike, if you must face him, you're gonna get bloody."

 

Mike whimpers a bit as he goes back to watching the tape.

 

Both men wind up on the narrow top of the ladder and it wobble from the weight.  T-Bone nearly falls off from the swaying and Frost grabs him by the front of his tights and pulls him toward him.  Frost deftly swings T-Bone upside down, with his feet around Frost’s neck and his head between the Icelander’s legs.  As the ladder falls out from under the two grapplers, Frost jumps forward, pushing the ladder down and back.  The two men sail through the air as camera flashbulbs pop in the audience.  They barely clear the ring ropes as Frost drives T-Bone head first into the pain of glass still on the sawhorses and it obliterates into microscopic pieces.

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

Fugue jerks his hand away from the piano keys. "WHAT?!"

 

"Frost just fucking Tombstoned T-Bone off of a ladder and through the fucking glass!"

 

"Jeez, man, are you sure you wanna go through with this."

 

"No! I'm not getting paid enough to do this!"

 

At this point, "The Franchise" himself, Mak Francis opens the door and enters the locker room. He looks at Mike, who's sitting on the floor, eyes focused on Mak. "Yo man, what are you looking at?"

 

"Mak, man... is it worth it to face Johnny Cougar in the Window Pain match? Because I really, really don't fucking want to."

 

"Mike, you can't pussy out of this... you've got to show some pride in yourself, and some pride for the New Sound. You make us look bad when you act like a fucking scared little girl."

 

"Damn... will you be there to help me out?"

 

"Only if you need it."

 

"All right... sWo for life, right?"

 

"Right. Kick that motherfucker's pansy ass."

 

Mike smiles at Mak. "You got it, bossman."

 

...fade to black...

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Heh. Interesting promo with some flashback history, and I really dug the quick turnaround from cocky bitch to "Oh my GOD I'm dead."

[Guest kelloggs]

Heh...I can see such a huge spot coming from this match. Great work Mike

[Guest Insanityman]

(Y)! Nice to see MVS not be so cocky, good work man.

[Guest Listen2Reason]

Mike, you can use me in your promos any time you want. Great stuff.

 

Oh, and...(Y) to Fantavision.