Make the most boring match imaginable

[Guest LexLugerRules]

Viscera Vs. Big Show Vs. Yokozuna Vs. Bossman Vs. Rick Steiner Vs. Iron Sheik Vs. Brian Adams Vs. Kevin Nash Vs. Giant Gonzales Vs. Earthquake Vs. Tugboat Vs. One Man Gang Vs. Jim Ross Vs. Michael Cole Vs. The Coach Vs. Jerry Lawler Vs. Earl Hebner Vs. Jay Leno Vs. YOUR MOM

[Guest The Man in Blak]

Since we want to be sarcastic:

Let's just take this a comment at a time:

 

Austin's moveset was lacking, his character was boring, his feuds were one-sided, he got long promos and lots of tv time, his backstage pull allowed him to avoid or get out of feuds, and his backstage problems infected the TV.

 

You make a valid point about Austin's moveset (particularly in late 2001-2002, where he seemed to be wrestling the same match over...and over again), but the rest of your contentions are totally ridiculous.

 

One-sided feuds? Since when? Austin pretty much put over Angle during the inVasion storyline and he never really got a conclusive win over Triple H...even in a match one month before he was to headline Wrestlemania. Austin held a trump over the Rock, but if you were to look at his last two matches with him (X-Seven and Rebellion), the Rock was slowly beginning to gain a one-up on him, in a very similar manner that Austin himself was being booked to slowly gain on Bret Hart.

 

It's somewhat easy to blame the failure of the nWo on Austin, but remember two important things: the nWo was a non-WWF commodity and Stone Cold Steve Austin was "born and bred" in the WWF, and absolutely nobody thought that Scott Hall had a chance against Stone Cold Steve Austin. Despite Austin's reluctance to work with Hall (which was well justified, if you ask me), most of the fault lies at the writing team's feet with this one, as they never really had any intention of writing the nWo as a legitimate threat.

 

Admittedly, his actions at the end of his WWF tenure were very unprofessional, but I don't really believe his attitude towards the product was necessarily unwarranted. As with the nWo, the writing team never really gave Austin (or anyone) an opportunity to really play to their strengths and, instead, settled on rehashing storylines that were already dead and buried. Remember, when he left, Austin had lobbied for a program with Eddy Guerrero, an upper-midcarder at best, and was scheduled to put the heat-sinking Brock Lesnar over cleanly with no buildup.

 

Call me crazy, but isn't that why 90% of you hate HHH? I may not HHHate, but I do Austin-hate. After seeing him treated like a near-diety around here, it sickens me because it's like "Austin and Benoit are gods, accept or leave".

 

Comparing Austin's "issues" with Scott Hall and Jeff Jarrett to Triple H's "issues" with Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle is comparing a cherry bomb to Hiroshima.

 

If anybody shows any signs of liking HHH..well, that's a hanging offense, because he HELD DOWN JERICHO, BAH GAWD! After all the talk I hear about HHH's matches in 2000 being over-rated, and boring..ever consider that not all of us share the same viewpoint? I was constantly entertained in 2000..and guess when that ended? You bet. When Austin came back.

 

There had been a good, long stretch without senseless 'run in and stunner 30 people in the middle of the ring' segments. HHH put on some great matches with people like Taka, Al Snow, and Rikishi. It may not have helped them much, but it was the WWF/E's fault for not following up on that, not HHH. Austin wouldn't sell for guys like that, much less work with them. Unless 'working with them' constitutes humilliating them in the ring week after week (Tazz).

 

If you'd like to blame an entire show's shortcomings on one performer, that's up to you...but personally, I think it all lies on the writers. You can't say it's Austin's fault that a dancing fat man was chosen to be his ultimate nemesis. You can't say it's Austin's fault that his character was based upon Crash TV principles of hit-and-run.

 

My dissapointment in the InVasion angle was twofold: It should have been the greatest thing we've ever seen storyline wise in wrestling, ever. Secondly, none of the WCW guys were at the heart of it, it was Steve Austin. Whoo boy. I guess an even more annoying ("My name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, I am the Man's Man, Champion of Champions, the WWF Champion, etc.." repeated on average six times a week) Austin sure did make people turn in, oh yeah. *looks at the mass number of viewers that left*.

 

You can't say it's Austin's fault that the WWE (consciously or not) set up the inVasion to fail miserably either. While the writers were positively gakking up Austin's character after X-Seven, wrestling fans had hope in the purchase of WCW...they had the fantasy matchup that they had been dreaming of for years and what was the first notions of WCW that were put on WWE TV?

 

Booker T and Buff Bagwell.

Lance Storm superkicking Saturn.

 

The inVasion was already a joke before they decided to turn Steve Austin. In fact, I'd say that the turn was a quick idea to save a sinking ship...a quick idea that was really, really, poor.

 

I can proudly say that Hulk Hogan had one thing Steve Austin did not. A sucessful heel turn. Reason being? Ratings. Hogan's character in WCW, along with the nWo, drew. Austin's character flopped.

 

Hulk Hogan's heel turn also had a very logical motivation (he was tired of the fans' backlash), while Austin's was totally left out to dry. They turned Austin, the guy that most people wanted to cheer anyway, heel in his home state after he beat the Rock, who was being booed throughout most of the buildup to X-Seven ANYWAY. They didn't give him a reason and, no less than 24 hours later, they paired Austin up with the same guy that tried to kill him. And you think the heel turn failed because Austin fucked it up?

 

Imagine the hell you feel at every time HHH comes on TV now. Oh, he gets 20 minutes a show at least. Now multiply that by two, and you have what Austin was. There was no refuge. Announcers constantly mentioned him, commercials, storylines, EVERYTHING revolved around Austin.

 

I will whole-heartedly agree that the WWE was happily beating a dead horse in '99 with Austin's character...and that they also tried (and failed) to catch lightning in a bottle when he returned...but when one Austin t-shirt was being sold every 30 seconds (or whatever the number was), you can't really blame the WWF for jumping on that bandwagon. You do put forth a very valid point - the WWE oversaturated Austin to the point that, in the end, they almost looked totally lost without him (the Raw after he left).

 

Oh, but he 'elevated Kurt Angle!'. Angle would have been the 'Next Big Thing' anyway. He had enough talent, and charisma to do it. He was over long before he worked with Austin.

 

Of course, if Austin was the notorious backstage politician you make him out to be, he would have promptly trumped Angle in their feud, making references to him being a joke, pairing him up with Debra, and forcing him to play out an angle with Austin's dog.

 

Oh, wait.

 

In the end, it all lies on the writing team's shoulders to help provide entertaining television, but it doesn't hurt your cause when you're dating one of the McMahons, does it? You do have some valid points with Austin, but the rest of your Austin-hatred is just that - hatred and nothing more.

 

And to stay on topic, my boring match is:

 

Axl Rotten v. Ian Rotten - submission match.

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

Do cheese graters/light bulbs to the forehead count as submissions? Hm. Guess those guys are screwed.

 

Though, something like a barbed wire wrapped around the arm-crossface would be kinda brutal.

[Guest The Man in Blak]

If I bought a PPV and saw a Rotten brother doing a crossface, then I would already have seen my $30 worth.