SJL Wrath - Tuesday, July 30th

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

There's pyro...

 

There's volcanoes...

 

There's little singing Japanese pixie-twins...

 

This is Monster Island. The Godzilla dome is ready to roooock. Are you?

 

Singles Match

Cutthroat vs. Dark Scorpion

- A n00b you say? Well, that means the standard welcoming match!

- Match Description: All DQ’s and count-outs apply.

 

Window Pain Singles Match!

MVS vs. John Cougar

-Who’s John Cougar you say? Weren’t you paying attention on Metal? Anyway these two men went at it hammer and tongs in the European Contendership free-for-all, and we’re gonna let them get their frustrations out with a JL staple match first pioneered by Frost!

Match Description- No DQ, no count-outs. The only way to win is by putting your opponent through a pane of glass. The panes are left at ringside and are roughly the size of the surface of a standard wrestling table. They do have legs so that you can set them up in much the same fashion as well. This match will almost certainly be bloody, but great things may await the winner!

 

TV Title Triple Threat Elimination Match

Fugue vs. Kamikaze vs. Thor (el champo)

- Fugue won the chance on Metal, and what a chance it is! Kamikaze has shown the stuff necessary to tangle with the big boys, so here’s his chance. This is the first match of the large Nordic man’s double duty tonight, so let’s hope he knows what’s good for him. Thor… write one match or both, up to you. I’d recommend picking one belt and going for it.

- Match Description: Elimination, standard rules.

 

European Title Singles Match

"Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. Thor

Special Referee: Matt Meyers

- T-Bone has been stripped of the belt after soliciting an undercover cop for sexual favors. Now the two number one contenders go at it. Can Thor become a double champ, or will Hollywood conquer Valhalla? Add the returning Matt Meyers of the sWo to the mix in the form of a special guest referee, and the stage is for fun! No, wait, I meant evil. Well, whichever.

And that's right, Thor gets absolutely no rest between the matches except for a single commercial break! Isn't he lucky!

Meyers may write a match if he so chooses.

- Match Description: Normal DQ/count-out rules in effect.

 

World Title Number One Contenders Singles Match

“The Franchise” Mak Francis vs. Insane Luchador

-Francis came within inches of the World title on Metal, and he’s not gonna let it out of his sights now! Standing in his way is a returning Insane Luchador, who seems to be on the verge of some sort of breakdown. What happens when these two forces meet?

-Standard rules apply, chill’uns.

 

MAIN EVENT

World Title Submission Match

C.I.A. (the big cheese and resident belt boy) vs. Silent

- Here’s a doozy of a first title defense for ya. Newly crowned champ CIA faces the first and possibly greatest hurdle of his reign as he takes on Silent fresh after a cage match! And to top it all off the only way to win is to make your opponent tap out or pass out!

- Match Description: No DQs or countouts. Losers must tapout or be unable to respond to the three count query.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The theme from Godzilla vs. Destroyah, one of the finest Godzilla movies of our modern age, blares through the Godzilla dome, and Cutthroat and the Dark Scorpion enter hand-in-hand...

 

Little Japanese Pixie Twins: Look out, wrestlers!

 

Cutthroat: C-c-c-cut! Cut cut cutthroat!

 

Dark Scorpion: I am dark, and, evidently, a scorpion.

 

Suddenly, MOTHRA dives out of the rafters, captures them both with his moth-spray webbing, and disappears back into the lights.

 

Axis: Looks like Mothra got 'em. We lose more jobbers that way...

 

Edwin: Bloody hell. This is going to make booking Crimson just that much trickier.

 

King: We're going to commercial now, and meanwhile, I'll be relishing the thought that those two are gonna get violated hardcore-gigantamoth style tonight, folks. Boo the motherfuckin' yizzah.

 

Edwin: Don't ever say yizzah again.

 

King: Eat a bag of dicks.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The Muppet’s version of “Monster Mash” blares throughout the PA system in the Godzilla Dome on Monster Island as thousands upon thousands of monster have filled the arena, screaming as loud as their puny brains will allow as the camera pans around the arena for signs. Unfortunately, this is Monster Island, and we allll know how monsters don’t know how to write. So, our poor cameraman instead just shows us a three-shot of Edwin MacPhisto, Axis, and the Suicide King, sitting behind the Wrath desk AS WE RETURN… to SJL Wrath.

 

“(Axis) Hello everybody, we are just… uh… somewhere between ninety-six and one-hundred and twenty minutes away from the next edition of SJL programming, but tonight we are LIVE from the Godzilla Dome on Monster Island, and this is SJL Wrath!”

“(Edwin) Tonight we have some fine matches for you folks, including our main event, Silent vs. CIA for the Canadian’s World title!”

“(King) Well, it’s only the Canadian’s World title for about an hour and a half more, because tonight the Silent One is going to rip that title straight out of our resident Intelligence Agent’s World title.”

“(Axis) Sadly, I’m hard pressed to argue that point, but coming up NOW, a WINDOW PAIN match between Mike Van Siclen and Johnny Cougar!”

“(King) Wasn’t Cougar the ‘Sexy Beast’?”

“(Edwin) It was his own idea, King, please don’t go there.”

“(King) Fine…”

“(Axis) Well, lads and lasses, this match is about to begin! Funyon, take it away!”

 

“(Funyon) Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a WINDOW PAIN match. In order to win, you must put your opponent through one of the glass tables at ringside!”

 

The arena's overhead lights shut off, as a dark-red strobelight correlates with the primitive drumbeat of Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like a Hole". When the song finally starts, Johnny Cougar makes his entrance by raising his arms up in the air and posing towards the crowd, then flailing the arms back down and walking to the ring.

 

“(Funyon) Introducing first, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty seven pounds, hailing from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, JOHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY COOOOOOOOOOOU-GAR!!!!”

 

John grabs the middle rope to climb in the ring, and he mounts a turnbuckle to pose. After that... he leans back on the ropes and waits in arrogant fashion

 

“(Axis) Before the match begins, let’s take a look at the Tale of the Tape…”

 

A graphic appears on screen with Mike and Johnny’s pictures, along with their respective stats.

 

“(King) As you can see, the two men are even in weight, but Mike’s time in the 40 is slightly faster and he can bench press slightly more, along with his three-inch height and six-inch reach advantage.”

“(Edwin, after a sigh) You’d think Mike has the match won after looking at that, but AMERICA LOVES THE UNDERDOG!!! GO JOHNNY!!!”

“(King) Edwin, Johnny’s from Canada.”

“(Edwin) Oh… well, I’m from… oh. Okay then.”

 

"It's a natural high…"

 

"Natural High" by the Union Underground kicks up and the lights turn to blue and begin to flash with the music, the crowd erupting in boos at the soon-to-be calling card entrance music of the one and only Mike Van Siclen… who steps out onto the ramp, bathed in blue light as he cockily struts down the ramp, sliding into the ring and doing a slow, 360-degree "look at me" spin.

 

“(Funyon) And his opponent, weighing in at two-hundred thirty-seven pounds, he hails from Harrison, Illinois, the Amazin’ one, MIKE VA-AN SIIIIIIIIIIIIIC-LEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!”

 

..:Ding, Ding Ding!:..

 

Mike and Johnny charge each other right off the bat, tearing at each other as Van Siclen uses his height advantage to push Cougar back into the turnbuckle, lifting his chin with one hand and chopping him with the other! “WHOOOOOOOO!” Another chop, and another “WHOOOOOOOO!” One last chop, one last “WHOOOOOOO!” Mike whips Johnny into the other corner, running in to pancake him but Cougar puts his shoulder into Mike’s sternum, causing Mike to back up a few feet.

 

“(Axis) Mike with the early advantage, but the always-clever Cougar manages to find a way to turn the tide.”

“(King) Axis, Cougar has had all of two matches. How do you know that he’s always clever?”

“(Edwin) Shut up, King, he’s a better commentator than you ever were.”

 

Cougar charges Mike, grabbing him by the arm and whipping him into the same corner the Cougar occupied just a second before. Lift of the chin, chop, “WHOOOOOOOOOO!” Chop, “WHOOOOOOOOO!” Chop, “WHOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd’s lungs start to hurt as Cougar backs up a few feet, allowing Mike to stumble out of the turnbuckle into a ribbreaker by Cougar, followed by a fallaway slam!

 

“(Axis) A ribbreaker into a fallaway slam by Johnny Cougar, and that’s a move we’ve seen a lot from the rookie!”

“(King) And again, he’s had all of two matches. Who knows what he might do.”

“(Edwin) And again, shut up, King. You wish you had half the talent of Axis.”

“(Axis) Yeah!”

 

Cougar lifts Van Siclen to his feet and puts him in a headlock, looking for a vertical suplex, but Mike jabs him in the gut! Cougar doubles over, letting go of his hold on Mike, and Van Siclen takes advantage, wrapping his arm around Cougar’s head! He raises one hand into the air, a broad smile on his face as he whirls around, grabbing Cougar by his long, greasy hair and forcefully driving his face into the mat with a Code Red!

 

“(Axis) Cougar goes for the vertical suplex, but Mike reverses it into a Code Red!”

“(King) The Code Red looks pretty, but it hides how much power Mike puts into driving his opponent’s face into the mat!”

“(Edwin) Bah. It looks like he’s laying Cougar down for a nice, long sleep.”

 

Van Siclen slides out of the ring, Cougar still decimated from the effects of the vicious Code Red. Mike throws the ring apron up, and pulls out a large pane of glass without legs. Mike slides this into the ring, then pulls out another, slightly larger pane of glass, also without legs. Mike slides this, too, into the ring, then pulls out what he was looking for: a glass table. Mike smiles as he slides it into the ring, sliding in himself, as he sets up the glass table casually, Cougar still down after this affair, which has taken about fifteen seconds.

 

“(Axis) Mike Van Siclen sliding in two glass panes and a glass table!”

“(Edwin) This piece of business is about to pick up!”

“(King) You’re supposed to be the color commentator.”

“(Edwin) Yeah, and?”

“(King) Shouldn’t you be quoting tha King?”

“(Edwin) Elvis never watched wrestling.”

 

Mike finishes setting up the table and stands it up near the turnbuckle, going over to John Cougar now. Van Siclen picks Cougar up, kicking him three times in the gut to make sure that he isn’t getting off the table before actually rolling him onto the table. Cougar lay, nearly unconscious, face facing the sky on the glass table as MVS goes to the turnbuckle and ascends it! The crowd roars out in cheers, boos, and gasps as Mike casually smiles and waves to the crowd, inciting them to boo him.

 

“(Axis) Mike’s ascending the turnbuckle, and this does not look good for Johnny Cougar!”

“(Edwin) No kidding it doesn’t! Mike’s gonna f’n kill him!”

“(King) Oh well. That’s wrestling.”

 

King smiles as Mike puts both arms straight out in front of him, pulling back and leaping offfffff the turnbuckle! His legs, split apart in the air, his right one waiting to come in close contact with the neck of Johnny Cougar… closer… closer… the leg is about to hit Cougar’s neck…

 

BUT IT HITS GLASS! Cougar rolls off of the table at the last possible second, causing Mike’s legs to crash into the table, and the glass breaks, shards of it catching Mike in the face as he clutches his leg in pain, as they take the brunt of the blow. Red starts to discolor Mike’s gray tights and pour from a gash on the right side of his jaw as Cougar stands, smiling.

 

“(Axis) Mike misses with the Guillotine Leg Drop, and sends himself straight through the glass table!”

“(Edwin) Yee-owch!”

“(King) I can’t imagine the pain that Mike is in right now…”

 

Cougar goes over to the side of the ring, grabbing the larger piece of glass that Mike slide into the ring and waiting for Van Siclen to stand up. Mike slowly gets to his feet, blood now causing the upper right side of Mike’s gray tights to be a crimson red as he grabs the ropes for support, slowly pulling himself up. He finally stands up, facing the crowd, and turns around…

 

TO CATCH A FACEFUL OF GLASS! John Cougar takes the pane of glass and ALMOST FUCKING KILLS MIKE VAN SICLEN WITH IT! Mike’s face is now bleeding freely, a gash in his hairline being the worst as he can’t even sell properly, just kind of staggering around a bit before falling. Cougar, a wide smile, holds up what little piece of the glass he has in his hand as the crowd roars, before the former Sexy Beast slides out of the ring.

 

“(Axis) OH MY GOD! JOHNNY COUGAR ALMOST KILLED MIKE VAN SICLEN WITH THAT GLASS!’

“(King) Shouldn’t that have been the match, Edwin?”

“(Edwin) No, the rules are that you must put your opponent through one of the glass tables. The windows are there so we can see some bloody motherf-“

“(King) Shut yo mouth!”

 

It’s Cougar’s turn to throw the ring apron up, which he does, taking out a glass table. He slides it into the ring and pulls out another one, which he slides into the ring as well. Johnny slides into the ring, standing up and getting ready to set up a glass table, oblivious to Mike Van Siclen, who has pulled himself to his feet over by the ropes. Bloodied and battered, he charges Cougar, putting his body on the line by Cactus Clotheslining both himself and Cougar over the top! Both men tumble to the outside, Mike’s blood getting on Cougar’s already-red tights as the Amazin’ one staggers to his feet, Cougar doing the same.

 

“(Axis) Mike Van Siclen sacrifices his body, taking both him and Johnny Cougar to the outside!”

“(Edwin) Mike is showing a lot of guts in this match, but will it be enough to overcome Johnny Cougar?”

“(King) Mike’s showing guts and blood!”

 

Mike grabs Cougar by the hair, drilling him with a hard forearm. Cougar staggers back a bit, and Mike tries to hit him with another forearm, but Cougar blocks it, slapping Mike across the face once and putting him in a ¾ headlock, running over to the barricade and leaping onto it, running it aways before leaping off and drilling Mike with a Mac Stunner to complete the Rabid Fang! Mike falls backwards, probably dead, as Cougar lifts up the ring apron, pulling out yet another glass table! He sets it up on the outside of the ring, and raises one arm, spinning it in the air as the crowd roars.

 

“(Axis) What is Johnny Cougar going to do to Mike Van Siclen?”

“(Edwin) I’d guess something to put MVS through a glass table, Axis.”

“(King) Well, obviously, Edwin. Johnny Cougar is showing tonight a brutal side I’ve never seen before in him. I applaud him.”

 

King does a golf clap as Cougar goes over to where Mike lay, eyes closed and doing nothing but breathing. Johnny roughly grabs Mike by his long, blonde (now red) hair and pulls him ot his feet, dragging him over to the table and laying him down on it. Half-smiling, half-snarling, Cougar climbs onto the ring, not going through the ropes, facing away from MVS. He raises one arm once again, and suddenly it becomes clear what Cougar is going to do.

 

“(Axis) He’s going to do a Moonsault through the glass table…”

“(King) And Mike Van Siclen! This is shocking! I love it!”

“(Edwin) This is despicable! Escape, Mike!”

 

Cougar readies himself, making sure his feet are planted on the mat before leaping backwards! His neck and back arch… he flips perfectly through the air, his stomach aching, waiting to meet Mike Van Siclen… the crashing of glass… the sweetest sound… Cougar lands…

 

ON GLASS! Mike somehow manages to roll off the table and Cougar goes stomach-first through the glass! Cougar’s body hits the floor but just as quickly he is standing up, clutching his chest and trying to get away from the glass shards that have probably embedded themselves permanently into his six-pack.

 

“(Axis) COUGAR CRASHES HIMSELF THROUGH A TABLE!”

“(Edwin) THAT COULD HAVE KILLED HIM!”

“(King) MIKE GOT OUT OF THE WAY!!!”

 

A “HO-LY SHIT!” chant rings throughout the Godzilla Dome as both Mike and Johnny lay, blood flowing freely from both the gully in Mike’s hairline and also from Cougar’s chest as both men try to find something with which to steady their battered bodies. Mike inches over to the barricade, clawing at it as he slowly pulls himself up. Meanwhile, Cougar is pushing himself up with his arms slowly, staggering around and using the ring for balance.

 

“(Axis) Both of these men are feeling the effects of this high-risk match!”

“(Edwin) This match has taken a toll on both men’s bodies, and whoever can pull out some offense first here will probably have the match won!”

“(King) And of course it’ll be Mike. He’s just Amazin’ like that.”

 

Cougar rolls into the ring, picking up one of the glass tables and setting it up near the turnbuckle. He slides out of the ring, grabbing Mike by the hair and dragging him into the ring, trying to get him to lay down on the glass table… but Mike cleans his clock with a brutal left hand! Cougar staggers back, and Mike whips him into the ropes, positioning himself near the glass shards for the Van Slaminator!

 

“(Axis) He’s going to go for the Van Slaminator on those shards of glass!”

“(Edwin) This move could kill Johnny Cougar! Don’t do it, Mike!”

“(King) Yes, Mike, do it! Brutality! Brutality! Kiyahahahahaha!”

 

Edwin and Axis pointedly stare at the Suicide King as Cougar comes back from the ropes, running right into Mike, who is bent over for a back body drop. Cougar reads this like a book, however, and flips over Mike, grabbing him by the midsection and driving his back into the mat, and the glass shards, with a brutal Sunset Flip! Mike grabs his back in pain as Cougar lay back, too tired to capitalize on this situation.

 

“(Axis) SUNSET FLIP ONTO THE GLASS! Mike’s back is going to be messed up for WEEKS!”

“(King) AND I LOVE IT, BABY!”

“(Edwin) King, you have to be the sickest individual I have ever had the misfortune of sharing a commentary booth with.”

“(King) I’m… sorry?”

“(Edwin) No you’re not, you’re a heel. Heels are never sorry.”

 

Johnny slowly gets up, standing with his back to Mike, trying to shake the cobwebs out. Mike, meanwhile, has done that while laying on the mat, and slowly gets up, looking at Cougar and seeing his opportunity. As quick as a man who is bleeding like a stuck pig can, Mike puts Johnny in a standing crossface! In a flash, Mike sits out, bringing Johnny’s head with him and bouncing off the mat with a brutal Crossface Halo! Mike stands up again, picking up Johnny and laying him down on the glass table before going to the turnbuckle and climbing, climbing, climbing…

 

“(Axis) CROSSFACE HALO! CROSSFACE HALO!”

“(Edwin) But the match isn’t over!”

“(King) It’s going to be, though! Mike has Johnny exactly where he wants him!”

 

Cougar lay across the glass table, twitching from time to time but nothing more, as Mike climbs the turnbuckle, looking for the Sin Aerial! He stands on the top rope, sweat and blood mixing in his eyes, but he has made a key mistake… the glass table was set up too close to the ropes, and barely able to do so, Johnny Cougar reaches out an arm and pulls down on the top rope! Mike falls down, being wishboned on the turnbuckle, and Cougar rolls off the table, putting his hands on the bottom ropes and lifting his body up, wrapping his legs around Mike’s head!

 

“(Axis) Johnny Cougar crotches MVS, and he’s looking for the Frankensteiner!”

“(Edwin) This move could end it!”

“(King) C’mon, Mike, don’t let him move you!”

 

Johnny attempts to pull Mike forward with his legs, but Mike won’t move! Johnny tries it again… but again Mike won’t move! The camera shifts angles, which allows us to see that Mike has the ropes clutched firmly in his blood-spattered grasp, meaning the Cougar can’t pull him off! Cougar tries one more time as we shift camera angles again, showing Johnny’s blood-riddled face as the mask of concentration as he tries EVER SO VALIANTLY to make Mike’s bloody, battered body go through the glass…

 

DENIED!

 

“(Axis) COUGAR CAN’T FRANKENSTEINER VAN SICLEN! MIKE’S HANDS ARE ON THE ROPES TOO TIGHT!”

“(Edwin) Come ON, Johnny, try harder!”

“(King) It won’t matter, Edwin! Mike has the HEART of a LION!”

 

That or Mike’s fucking strong, because Cougar is sapped of strength, but Mike isn’t! The Amazin’ One releases his hands from the ropes and grabs Cougar’s tights, pulling him up into position for a Powerbomb!

 

“(Axis) OH MY GOD! HE ISN’T! HE WOULDN’T! HE COULDN’T!”

“(King) I think he would, Axis.”

 

It appears King has the measure of Van Siclen better than Axis does, as Mike stands up unsteadily on the second rope, Cougar in powerbomb position as Mike leaps off and POWERBOMBS JOHNNY COUGAR STRAIGHT THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE!!! The screams from the crowd are horrendous as the sound of glass shattering echo throughout the arena, Johnny Cougar lying in a pool of glass and blood as one man stands… Mike Van Siclen, smiling a savage smile as he wipes some blood off of his lower lip. The referee signals for the bell before getting on his knees to make sure Johnny Cougar is still, you know, alive.

 

“(Funyon) Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, the A-MAZ-IN’ ONE, MIIIIKE VA-AN SIIIIIIIIIC-LEEEEEEEEEN!”

 

“(Axis) That was horrific… terrible…”

“(King) That, Axis, was a fucking bloodbath.”

“(Axis) Edwin?”

Edwin is speechless.

“(Axis) I don’t know what to say… we’ll be right back after this commercial break…”

 

We leave the Godzilla Dome with Mike Van Siclen, standing, arms in the air as he looks down at Johnny Cougar, sliding out of the ring and walking up the ramp, turning around halfway up to survey the damage he hath done as we do what we do best…

 

…fader…

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Spasms of pyrotechnics and the deafening cheers of the fans welcome us back to SJL Wrath. The camera pans over the audience, catching for posterity such witticisms as "Hollywood 4:20", "I Jobbed to Cutthroat", "Godzilla Ate My House", "Retire the TV Title" and "CiB (Canadians In Black)". The view finally comes to rest on the traditional team of announcers, the excitable Axis, the manic Edwin and the dastardly Suicide King.

 

"Welcome back to SJL Wrath at the Godzilla Dome!" Axis pipes up. "And how about that incredible Window Pain match? I don't know how long it'll take either one of those competitors to recover!"

 

"I hope we got all the broken glass up from the floor," Edwin says, peering over the table. "But maybe it'll just make the rest of the matches more interesting!"

 

"In any case, we're getting ready for more sadistic PAIN with this match!" the King comments.

 

"That's right, King!" Axis hypes. "Longtime opponents Fugue and Thor clash for the TV Title, with new recruit Kamikaze thrown into the mix to make things interesting!"

 

Intense rock beats pulse from the arena speakers as Godsmack's "I Stand Alone" booms through the arena. Kamikaze steps onto the stage, looking quickly back and forth as if keeping an eye on everything. The crowd murmurs uncertainly as the new recruit walks down to the ring.

 

Funyon quickly takes up position in the ring. "The following contest is an ELIMINATION match for the SJL Television Title!" he booms. "Making his way to the ring from Minnetonka, Minnesota, weighing in at 235 pounds...KAMIKAZEEEEE!"

 

"Kamikaze has a huge opportunity with this match!" Axis says.

 

"Yeah, why DID Kamikaze get an opportunity like this so soon?" the King asks, frowning. "What idiot made this match?"

 

"Talk to the panda!" Edwin holds a stuffed panda up to the King's face. He squeezes it, and it gives out a small squeak.

 

The King opens his mouth, then shuts it again.

 

Kamikaze slips into the ring, approaching the turnbuckle. He suddenly pauses, turning to yell at the air. Funyon and referee Eddy Long stare as Kamikaze continues on to climb the ropes. Raising his arms in the air, he stares out over the crowd.

 

"KAAMIKAAAZZEEEE!!!" An obliging cheer greets the shout.

 

"Who was Kamikaze yelling to?" the King asks.

 

"The fans, of course," Axis replies.

 

"No, before that."

 

"Oh, no," Edwin says, shaking his head. "Oh no, oh no..."

 

Suddenly the arena is plunged into darkness.

 

"And here comes the second of our competitors!" Axis says as eerie organ strains pierce the air. There is a blinding flash of light and the sWo's "Ashes in the Fall" kicks into high gear as a dark figure appears on the stage.

 

"The second challenger," Funyon continues. "From PENNsylvania, Philadelphiaaaa...weighing in at 181 pounds...FUUUUUUGUE!" Fugue stalks down the ramp, grinning at the audience from behind his dark glasses. Jeers and boos rolled from the audience as sWo signs (both pro- and anti-) sprouted in the crowd.

 

"Fugue and Thor have met twice times before!" Axis supplies. "Both matches resulting in a loss for the musician!"

 

"Well, third time's the charm," the King notes. Edwin snickers. Fugue reaches the ring, rubbing his chin as he stares in at Kamikaze. He then sheds his black coat, laying it on the mat outside the ring; his sunglasses follow, exposing Fugue's glittering eyes as he gazes at his opponent.

 

Then the lights go black again, and a blue spotlight shines down onto the entrance ramp. The opening chords of "God of Thunder" blast from the speakers as a lightning bolt strikes the entrance way, filling it with smoke. "And the CHAMPION," Funyon booms as the crowd comes alive. "Weighing in at 345 pounds, from the Halls of Asgaaard...THOR!!!" Then thunder god steps through the curtain, wreathed in smoke. He stoically strides down the ramp, the Television Title slung over his shoulder, staring fixedly at the ring.

 

"Thor has definitely come to play!" Axis says.

 

"Not just play--Thor is going to verily smiteth his enemies!" Edwin cheers. The Suicide King rolls his eyes.

 

Thor hands the title over to Eddy Long, then climbs into the ring, stepping completely over the top rope. The two other competitors exchange glances as Thor flexes his muscular arms.

 

DINGINGING!

 

"And this match is--WHOA look at that!" Axis squeaks as Thor runs forward across the ring with arms outstretched. Fugue quickly ducks but Kamikaze is caught with a huge clothesline, going down hard.

 

"Thor is starting off quickly!" Edwin says.

 

Fugue immediately leaps back with a low kick to the back of Thor's knee. The thunder god staggers, but his hand snakes out and grabs the musician around the neck. Taking hold of Fugue's pants, Thor hoists him high into the air, holding his body completely vertical. Kamikaze gets to his feet and stares as Thor falls backward, driving himself and Fugue back onto the mat.

 

"An astounding stalling suplex from Thor!" Axis says. "This man has power to burn!"

 

"This GOD, you mean!" Edwin puts in.

 

Fugue quickly scurries away, turning to peer at his adversary. Thor gets to his feet, looking back and forth between Fugue and Kamikaze. Fugue turns to Kamikaze and yells something, gesturing at Thor; he then runs forward and aims a punch at the thunder god. Thor blocks and Fugue attacks furiously again, scoring a shot to the stomach before Thor grabs him around the neck. The crowd comes alive as Thor grasps Fugue firmly--then staggers as Kamikaze attacks from behind with a hard kick to the back. Thor releases Fugue and Kamikaze grabs the larger man around the neck, leaping up and back to drive them both down to the mat.

 

"A reverse DDT from the newcomer to the champion!" Axis calls. "It almost looked like Kamikaze was helping Fugue there!"

 

"Oh, Thor can still take 'em both on," Edwin scoffs.

 

"Are you suuuuuure, Edwin?" the King asks. He grins as Edwin scowls.

 

Fugue moves over to the other side of Kamikaze--then jumps into the air, flipping over Kamikaze in a somersault and landing back-down on Thor's chest. Thor twitches and pushes himself to his feet, stumbling away to regroup. Fugue grabs Kamikaze's shoulder to get his attention, yelling enthusiastically. Kamikaze looks uncertainly at the two men as Fugue gestures. Then Thor charges back toward them, and the two men leap in opposite directions to avoid the attack.

 

"Fugue is taking a lot of time to talk to Kamikaze!" Axis notes. "Bear in mind that this match IS elimination rules--so Kamikaze and Fugue could conceivably work together to eliminate Thor, then fight it out between themselves!"

 

"But the same thing applies to Kamikaze and Thor!" Edwin hastens to add.

 

"Or even Fugue and Thor," the King muses. "The politics of a match like this are always so intriguing..."

 

Thor turns and takes a moment to proclaim something to Kamikaze. He thumps his chest and points at Fugue, then pounces forward and grabs the deranged musician. The big man puts Fugue's head between his legs, then hauls the wiry wrestler up onto his shoulders. Fugue is suspended in the air for a long moment before being driven down to the canvas, Thor falling to his knees to heighten the impact. Thor pushes forward, holding Fugue's legs and forcing his shoulders onto the mat. Eddy Long slides into position, One, Two and Fugue wrenches himself free of the pin.

 

"Thor is bringing the punishment!" Axis says. "But perhaps the entire match rides on Kamikaze!"

 

"Don't worry!" Edwin says confidently. "He'll choose the right side!"

 

"The right side being the one that gives him the best chance of winning?" the King asks.

 

"No--the side of LOVE and JUSTICE!" Edwin replies.

 

"Oh, THAT right side."

 

Fugue squirms around and aims a kick to the side of Thor's head. He grabs Thor's arm, lying across his back. Thor elbows Fugue in the head, working his way out of the hold--until Kamikaze runs forward and aims a dropkick right at Thor's shoulder. The big man is stunned long enough for Fugue to hook his other arm, pulling both backward and up. Thor quickly pushes himself along the mat to the ropes, and Eddy Long yells at Fugue until the hold is broken.

 

"Fugue manages to hook the Minor Chord for a few seconds!" Axis says. "With help from Kamikaze!"

 

"I don't believe this," Edwin growls.

 

"Well, look at it this way," the King replies. "Who would you rather face one on one--Fugue, or Thor?"

 

Kamikaze turns and leans over the ropes, talking excitedly at the mats outside the ring. Fugue walks up and says something to him...then gestures right where Kamikaze was talking. Kamikaze stares at Fugue, then ducks out of the way as Thor returns with a hard shot to Fugue's back. Thor grabs Fugue around the neck and raises him into the air--but Kamikaze leaps up and aims a shot at Thor's upper back. Thor staggers, releasing Fugue to tumble to the ground, and Kamikaze grabs Thor's neck to pull him backward and drive him to the mat.

 

"Kamikaze saves Fugue with a neckbreaker!" Axis narrates.

 

"Who were the nutjobs talking to, over there?" the King ponders. Edwin declines to comment.

 

Thor quickly brings himself to his feet, shaking his head. He looks back and forth between Fugue, curled up on the mat, and Kamikaze, watching him warily. Nodding to himself, Thor grabs for Kamikaze. The smaller man fights back but is caught round the throat with two large hands. Thor hauls Kamikaze into the air--holding him there for a long moment as flashbulbs go off, then sitting down and slamming Kamikaze onto his back. Eddy Long gets into position to count, but Kamikaze slips away after a count of one.

 

Fugue bounces off the ropes and aims a dropkick at Thor's shoulders. The god's body jerks with pain, then he quickly gets to his feet. Thor aims a wide swing at Fugue, but the musician ducks and jabs to Thor's chest. The thunder god snags one of Fugue's arms and pulls hard, whipping Fugue across the ring to the corner before following up with a running leap at his opponent. The ring nearly shakes as Thor collides with Fugue, slamming him against the turnbuckle. Thor then grabs the limp Fugue and hoists him into the air, turning to display his catch to the audience. The crowd cheers wildly as Thor presses Fugue above his head--but suddenly Kamikaze comes out of nowhere with a shoulderblock to Thor's knee. Thor staggers and loses his grip on Fugue, who goes tumbling to the mat in a heap.

 

Kamikaze quickly steps up onto the second rope of the nearby turnbuckle. He stares wildly around at the audience, who aim a spate of boos at him, then launches himself off and lands a legdrop across Thor's neck. Thor twitches and pushes Kamikaze off of him, staggering to his feet. Kamikaze deals Thor a couple of shots to the face, snarling in anger, then wraps his arm around Thor's neck--but the thunder god gathers the smaller man up and raises him into the air, then drops him down on Thor's outstretched knee. Kamikaze convulses with pain and rolls away in retreat.

 

"Kamikaze gets a great legdrop, but can't follow it up!" Axis says. "And Thor counters with a superb backbreaker!"

 

"A superbly PAINFUL backbreaker!" Edwin says cheerfully.

 

As Thor gets to his feet, Fugue sneaks up behind him and jumps up in a dropkick. Thor staggers, but swings wide and catches Fugue on the jaw with a right hand. The musician reels and stumbles away, Thor shakes his hand--and Kamikaze leaps up from the mat and drives his feet into Thor's back. As Thor staggers Fugue grabs him by the arm, jumping forward and pulling him down to the mat. The musician wrenches the thunder god's arm back over his chest, but Thor pushes himself up and rolls away from the pressure. He then grabs Fugue's head and bashes it with his own, sending Fugue rolling away dazed. Kamikaze then jumps back into the fray, landing kneefirst on Thor's chest. Thor aims a hard right hand at Kamikaze and then grabs him around the waist. Thor stands, holding the struggling Kamikaze under one arm, then pulls him onto his shoulder.

 

"Look at that!" Axis cries. "Thor fights off both his challengers--who were working well as a team, no less--and looks to be going for the Ragnarok piledriver on Kamikaze!"

 

"Justice always prevails!" Edwin proclaims.

 

"Of course, if he pins Kamikaze, he'll still have to get by Fugue," the King notes.

 

Thor settles Kamikaze on his shoulder--and then Fugue runs up once again, hooking his legs around Thor's shin and spinning his own body. Thor stumbles to the mat, Kamikaze slipping off his back and landing on his feet. Fugue quickly leaps upward and somersaults backward in the air, landing stomach-down on Thor's back--then he points at Kamikaze, who is tying a Japanese headband around his forehead. The crowd comes alive in anticipation of something wild happening, though they really have no idea what.

 

"Ooh, stylish!" Edwin says, momentarily forgetting who he's cheering for.

 

"What the heck is that?" the King asks.

 

"Kamikaze's going for his finisher, 'The Kamikaze'!" Axis yells.

 

"Thank you for clearing that up, Axis," the King responds.

 

Fugue gestures wildly to Kamikaze, pointing at Thor. After a moment, Kamikaze nods and leaps up in an elbowdrop to Thor's chest, as Fugue races to the turnbuckle. He then quickly laces Thor's legs into his own in a classic hold.

 

"The figure four leglock!" Axis marks. "But is it enough to counter Thor's strength?" Thor groans and shakes his head, pushing back against the hold...slowly forcing Kamikaze to release the lock. The smaller man squirms away as the hold is broken, and Thor slumps back in relief--when Fugue suddenly leaps off the top of the turnbuckle, turning a complete somersault in midair before slamming down onto Thor's chest.

 

"The Grand Finale!" Axis cries over the hearty boos of the crowd. "A move to stop any show--but wait! We don't seem to be finished yet!"

 

Kamikaze gets to his feet, then runs at the turnbuckle and scampers up the ropes. He bounces off the top rope and spins around in midair as he flies toward the prone Thor. Fugue pulls himself together quickly, getting in one last punch before throwing himself to the side, a mere instant before Kamikaze slams headfirst onto Thor's chest.

 

"The Kamikaze!" Axis yells as the crowd goes wild, cheers and boos intermixed. "Thor's taken two finishing maneuvers in a row!"

 

"Those ungrateful psychopaths!" Edwin cries.

 

"Stick a fork in him, he's done!" the King avers.

 

Kamikaze quickly hooks Thor's leg, pushing him back onto the mat. Eddy Long slides down to count. Fugue stands up--then stops short, grinning as he watches the scene. The referee's hand slaps the mat--One, Two...THREE!

 

DINGINGING!

 

"INCREDIBLE!" Axis marks. "Kamikaze pins Thor, the Television Champion, in his first match!"

 

Kamikaze collapses back onto the mat--and Fugue jumps over Thor in a somersault, landing back-first on Kamikaze. Boos rain down from the audience as the musician rolls Kamikaze up. Eddy Long helplessly counts, One, Two and Kamikaze spasmodically kicks out.

 

"And Fugue immediately goes for the win!" the King says gleefully. "He knows that no advantage is an unfair advantage!"

 

Fugue grins widely as he gets to his feet, aiming kicks at Kamikaze's stomach--then turns and bumps into the seven-foot bulk of Thor. The angry god grabs Fugue around the neck and hoists him into the air--turning around to display the struggling Fugue to the wildly cheering crowd before slamming him down into the mat. Several referees surround Thor, but he waves them off, scattering them like flies. Finally the regal figure steps over the ropes and jumps down to the ramp, striding stoically back to the entranceway. The majority of the fans stand in their seats, applauding him as he goes.

 

"And Thor gets in his last licks!" Edwin counters. "He knows how to do what's right, at least!"

 

"Are you saying that was fair?" the King objects. "He attacked Fugue AFTER he was eliminated!"

 

Fugue and Kamikaze both stagger to their feet, eyeing each other. Fugue suddenly twitches, leaning forward, and Kamikaze jumps back--then the musician stops, grinning at his opponent. Kamikaze's face darkens, and he yells and charges the musician. Fugue tries to block but Kamikaze pushes him into the corner, hammering at him with punches to the delight of the crowd.

 

"Kamikaze's fired up!" Axis says. "Both men are already tired, so they both want to end this quickly!"

 

Kamikaze grabs Fugue's arm and pulls him out of the corner--then whips the musician back and hauls him upward, finally driving him down onto his back. Kamikaze falls on top of Fugue, and Eddy Long once again slaps the mat--One, Two and Fugue kicks out, squirming away. Kamikaze pursues but receives a kick to the face, turning him around. Fugue gets his feet under him and leaps up with a punch to Kamikaze's lower back, then laces his leg around Kamikaze's and falls back, driving them both to the mat on their backs.

 

"A beautiful powerslam combination by Kamikaze, but Fugue gets a kidney punch and side Russian leg sweep!" Axis narrates. "Both these men have a lot of fire left in them!"

 

Fugue floats over for the pin but Kamikaze jerks his shoulder up before the ref can begin the count. He elbows Fugue in the face, then gets to his feet, pulling Fugue up by his neck. Kamikaze wraps his arm around Fugue's neck--and pauses to yell at the crowd, or perhaps something else. Fugue manages a punch to Kamikaze's stomach, doubling him over--then Fugue leans down and wraps his arms around Kamikaze's waist, suddenly hauling him up and back in a complete flip. Kamikaze slams onto his shoulders on the mat, Fugue retaining his grasp as he bridges over. Eddy Long slides down, One, Two and Kamikaze kicks out!

 

"Looks like Kamikaze was going for a DDT!" Axis says. "But Fugue got that trademark Northern Lights Suplex!"

 

Both men get up once again, staring at each other. Kamikaze charges forward with a punch, but Fugue ducks and catches Kamikaze around the waist again. Fugue turns and stands, Kamikaze lying stomach-down on his shoulder--then the musician whips Kamikaze down to the mat, slamming him down as he himself lands in a seated position. Eddy Long counts once again, One, Two and Kamikaze kicks out again!

 

"Beautiful Iconoclasm by Fugue!" Axis cries, the crowd heating up.

 

Fugue shakes his head and staggers to his feet--and a kick from Kamikaze sends him reeling. Kamikaze springs to his feet and aims wild punches at Fugue's face, then grabs him around the waist. The crowd noise redoubles as Kamikaze pulls Fugue onto his shoulder--whipping him down and onto his back in the same motion! The referee does his job, One, Two and Fugue kicks out!

 

"And ANOTHER Iconoclasm by Kamikaze!" Axis yells. "That's Fugue's signature move! This is an incredible match!"

 

Kamikaze springs to his feet, and aims a kick at the prone Fugue. He looks at his fallen opponent--then looks back and forth to the audience. The cheers build as Kamikaze turns, adjusting his headband--he runs up the turnbuckle again, bouncing off the ropes and spinning in midair--slamming down onto the mat as Fugue rolls away.

 

"Kamikaze misses the Kamikaze!" yells Axis.

 

"Fugue had that one scouted!" the King grins.

 

Fugue shakes his head, looking at his opponent--he quickly turns Kamikaze onto his stomach, hooks his own arms around Kamikaze's in a full nelson, then leaps forward in a somersault. Kamikaze yells and shakes his head in pain as Fugue bridges over.

 

"The Major Chord!" Axis cries over the crowd. "Kamikaze has taken so much punishment on his back and shoulders during this match--this hold has gotta be excruciatingly painful for him!"

 

Eddy Long kneels down, yelling excitedly at Kamikaze. Fugue laughs as the noise of the crowd washes over them, intermingled boos for him and cheers for Kamikaze. Long moments creep by, as Kamikaze struggles toward the ropes--then suddenly shakes his head up and down, nodding to Eddy Long. The referee signals for the bell.

 

DINGINGING!

 

"Your winner," booms Funyon, "and NEW SJL Television Champioooooon...FUUUUGUE!" The boos wash over the ring as Fugue finally releases his opponent from the hold, a dazed smile on his face. Eddy Long nervously pushes the belt on him and raises his hand, as Fugue gazes out over the audience.

 

"What a match!" Axis breathes. "We'll all need a break after that one!"

 

"And that's why we have commercials!" Edwin notes.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Within minutes of the previous match, the once TV champion Thor stumbles to the backstage area. He is both mentally and physically fatigued after losing his title. Thor is given only a short intermission between his back to back matches. The God of Thunder walks a short distance in the back and finds himself a drinking fountain. He rinses off his face and takes a drink. The cool water splatters his face, he is, for a moment... relaxed.

 

This soothing moment is shattered like a pane of glass as he is charged and knocked over by the sWo. Mak Francis takes the God of Thunder to the floor with a spear and like vultures on carrion the sWo swoop down upon the fallen prey. Francis is kneeling down beside Thor, delivering vicious rights to his forehead. While Y2K and Fugue stomp and kick the fallen grappler. “The Franchise” is now enraged as he lays in heavy rights to the skull of Thor, so vicious that Y2K picks Mak up by his shoulder, snapping him from his sadistic trance.

 

Y2K speaks, his ceremonial mask hiding his features “Hey man, come on!” his tone indicating a withdrawal from Thor. Mak looks at Y2K with a shocked expression, but Y2K explains himself further “Save some for us!” Mak smiles warmly at his comrade and gets to his feet. Y2K signals to Fugue to retrieve a weapon. Fugue nods and disappears behind a curtain. As sudden as he left he returns with a chair. Fugue’s maniacal grin grows wider as the sWo stand Thor up and push him forward. Fugue is even happier when he swings his chair and Thor falls to the cold, hard, concrete below.

 

Suspicious by his absence is Mike Van Siclen, he is no doubt badly injured from his window pane match earlier on. The sWo stand over Thor’s body and leer down. Thor’s face is noticeably bleeding, that vicious chair shot splitting the skin and letting the life juice flow from his Asgardian veins, spilling to the floor. The three men look down with both disgust and a profound satisfaction. The wrestlers slap each other on the back and speak of their wicked deed.

 

“Did you see how beautifully Thor went down after my chair shot?” an excited Fugue spouts “The sound of chair hitting skull was like a music to my ears.” Y2K says, very assuredly “Very nice work Tony. The poor sap went down like a shot.” Francis crosses his well defined arms and smirks “Well well, Thor. Now the way I see things is that since you’ve lost your TV title, you are more or less powerless. And don’t worry about that European title shot, I’m sure you’ll do fine.” Mak Francis, leader of the sWo chuckles softly, joined in slowly by Y2K and Fugue.

 

The men walk off towards a bright light, their silhouettes outlined in black as they are heard discussing the new Austin Powers movie. The camera moves down to Thor’s bloodied body, lying on the cold concrete. The temperature of the floor is probably his only comfort as he lies motionless. Music is heard in the background as it seems that Thor’s next match is starting up. Is he ready?

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Axis: We have what will certainly be an interesting match tonight. We have the SJL’s resident stoner “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins taking on the God of Thunder Thor. Not so interesting by itself, but with the addition of the returning Matt Myers serving as special guest referee, this match is going to tear the roof of the Godzilla Dome here on lovely Monster Island!

 

As Axis says the words Monster Island a loud roar is heard, emitted no doubt, by the king of the monsters himself, Godzilla. The roar causes the largely Japanese crowd to cower in fear and simultaneously yell “GOJIRRAAA!!”

 

Edwin: We have already seen that umm... disturbing Window Pain match between John Cougar and Mike Van Siclen. Not to mention seeing that three way match for the TV Title.

 

King: It warmed my heart to see Thor drop his title.

 

Edwin: Just like seeing your mum drop her pants eh?

 

King: Shut the hell up!

 

Suddenly “Ashes In The Fall” by Rage Against The Machine begins to play and the crowd boos, almost out of instinct. Through the curtain steps Matt Myers, sWo member and heat magnet extraordinaire. He stops at the base of the stage and gives a warm smile to the fans who reign boos upon him. The grappler clad in the traditional referee stripped shirt and not so traditional baggy pants, bearing the infamous sWo logo. He walks at a slow pace, enjoying every jeer thrown his way, playing to the crowd for more. The more they hate him the more he loves his job.

 

Funyon, already in the ring, lifts the mic up to his face. His beautiful sequin jacket, probably hand sewn by one of the wonderful and underpaid townsfolk of Indonesia, shimmers under the bright lights of the Godzilla dome as he speaks “Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the European Championship. Entering the ring, he is serving as the special guest referee. He represents the s… W… o… he is MATT MYEEEERRRSS!!”

 

At the mention of the name the fans reestablish their hatred for the man formerly known as Poisyn. The vocal discontent of the crowd reaches such a peak that it rivals Ghidrah’s mighty roar. Myers stands with his arms out in the middle of the ring, absorbing the boos like a leech. The sound of the hate quickly dissipates as the air is filled with an odd bitter smelling aroma and “Peace Not Greed” by the Kottenmouth Kings begins to rock the Godzilla Dome and the fans stand up and cheer for their favorite stoner. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins steps through the curtain and raises his arms up high for the crowd. A warm pop emits from the crowd as he walks calmly, if not a bit sleepily to the ring. He steps inside and catches an angry glare from Myers.

 

King: Well, as much as I don’t like him, Jenkins isn’t gonna have too hard of a time here tonight. Thor got the shit beat out of him backstage by my boys… the sWo! If only I could have been there…

 

Axis: Well Thor is mildly incapacitated but we’ve seen him come out of sWo beatings before and come back to put up a hell of a fight.

 

King: But did he win?

 

Axis: … umm… no, but he did…

 

King: I rest my case.

 

Edwin sits quietly, not quite his usual jovial self, glaring at Matt Myers. Myers turns around and glances at Edwin, and gives him a devious grin.

 

Jenkins stands mid-ring awaiting his opponent, long after his music has faded. The crowd is now quiet, having witnessed on the SmarkTron the beating Thor suffered. Jenkins stops smiling and walks to ringside and asks an official what to do. The official has no idea and just shrugs his shoulders. Without warning the lights black out and a blue spotlight shines on the entrance ramp. The fans are still a little dazed but after the opening chords of KISS “God of Thunder” begin to play, they leap to their feet and rejoice with cheers. A lightning bolt strikes the stage and the crack of noise is almost swallowed by the pop of the crowd.

 

The music starts to drive and reaches a mighty crescendo as the frightening vocals by Gene Simmons kick in and blue and white pyros shoot off and cross each other as the God of Thunder himself, battered and broken, steps through the curtain. The exultation of the fans redoubles itself as Thor walks down the ramp, not a hint of pleasure on his bloodied face, he is all business. Thor walks down the ramp, not even bothering to high five some of his fans he walks straight to the ring and climbs in the ring over the top rope. He stands, stony faced in his corner, staring down both Jenkins and Myers.

 

DING!! DING!! DING!!

 

Axis: There’s the bell, kicking off this European title bout. As if Thor vs. Jenkins wasn’t big enough all ready, the added element of Myers as referee should give this match a whole new twist.

 

King: Neither competitor deserves a title shot, they both suck. Why aren’t they jobbing to Cutthroat in the curtain jerker match? Myers is the only one in that ring worthy of the Euro.

 

Edwin: I used to shop at Meijers. One time they jipped me out of some daiquiri mix so I vowed never to shop there again.

 

Thor wipes some blood from his eyes and both men move towards the center of the ring. Instead of attacking each other, Myers steps in between the two men and does his officiating duties. He instructs the two grapplers on what not to do in the match. He makes many hand gestures while Jenkins and Thor both roll their eyes. It seems Thor has had enough as he pushes Myers out of his way and gives a forearm to Jenkins chest, knocking him back into the ropes. Thor then bounces off the opposite ropes and charges, full speed at Spike, knocking him over the top rope to the floor. Thor quickly turns around and looks at Myers, who is leaning amiably against the ropes, examining his nails.

 

Thor looks at Myers, more than a little teed off and demands that he count him out. Myers gets right next to Thor and talks some trash about how he is the official and he calls the shots. Thor lets an angry grunt slip and turns around to retrieve his opponent, who is already on the ring apron. Thor elevates the stoner in a vertical suplex, holding him high in the air for quite a few seconds, before slamming him brutally to the mat. The crowd cheers, showing support for the bloodied Thunder God.

 

Axis: For a man that just got the tar beat out of him in the back, Thor is putting up one hell of a fight.

 

Edwin: Well, Thor has that sort of never-say-die attitude, that’ll allow him to pull his resources together.

 

King: What are you talking about? His attitude is more like never-can-sell.

 

Thor backs off after some verbal scolding from Myers and waits for Jenkins to get to his feet. Jenkins uses his speed to his advantage and runs at Thor, catching him in the chin with a superkick, staggering the big man back, but only a few steps. Spike quickly leaps to the top rope and waits for Thor to turn around. Thor turns but just as he does Jenkins leaps off and locks his legs around Thor’s neck attempting an hurrincanrana but Thor counters it with a sit-out powerbomb. The crowd pops for the reversal but when Thor bounces off the ropes and lands in a leg drop, crushing the sternum of “Hollywood” and then going for the pin they explode. Thor hooks the leg for the sure cover.

 

1

 

.

 

.

 

2

 

.

 

Myers elongates the count like a Stretch Armstrong doll. Thor looks up at Myers from beneath the hair and blood, almost matching color and gazes in shock and realization at the same time. This match is definitely not going to be an honest victory. Thor signals to Myers by slapping his hand on the mat to make a quicker count. Myers puts his hands up defensively and signals with his hand a two count. Thor looks like someone crapped in his Cornflakes as he stands up and wipes some blood from his eyes.

 

Edwin: I knew Myers was going to pull something tonight. He’s got no love loss for either of the two competitors but I was hoping he would at least try to call the match down the middle.

 

Axis: It’s that damned sWo mentality, “I’ve been held down so I’m gonna do whatever I can to win.”

 

King: Oh pisshaw. How could Myers possibly win this match, he’s the ref! Baseless accusations Axis. You are a racist!

 

Axis: I don’t think coward is a race.

 

Thor helps Jenkins to his feet by pulling his dirty blonde hair and he whips him into the ropes. As Jenkins bounces back Thor goes for a clothesline but Jenkins barely even has to duck under his arm to miss. Jenkins bounces off the other ropes and leaps onto the ropes and all with one fluid motion, catches Thor with a springboard back kick. The crowd pops as the youngster gets to his feet and holds his hands up for the crowd. He turns around, expecting Thor to be knocked down, but much to his discomfort Thor is up. Thor grabs Jenkins around the neck with both hands, lifts him up and drives him back to the mat with a Divine Hammer.

 

Thor quickly stands up and looks down at his opponent and then at Myers who is standing nonchalantly in the corner. Myers catches Thor’s glare and sees Thor pointing to Jenkins struggling body. Myers thinks nothing of it as he goes about his business. Thor is a little peeved at this obvious sign of disrespect from Myers. Thor whips Jenkins into the ropes and attempts to backdrop him, but Spike does a flip over Thor’s back and lands on his feet. Jenkins moves just a little too fast for Thor to keep up with as he turns around and gets caught with a high dropkick taking Thor to the mat. Thor lies there, this little offense usually wouldn’t put him down so easily, but as his bleeding face shows, he is not in the best shape. Jenkins goes for the cover.

 

Myers is slow to get down to the mat... very slow...

 

1

 

.

 

.

 

Thor gets his shoulder up. Myers slowly gets back up and actually demands a chair from ringside. The timekeeper grabs a chair from an assorted stack of them, used for bashing other wrestlers so as to not take an officials chair, and hands it to Myers. The crowd almost slightly gasps as the evil Matt Myers is handed the instrument of destruction. Spike Jenkins puts his hands up in a defensive position as if Myers was going to hit him with the chair. Yet their fear is soon turned into boos however as he simply unfolds the chair and sits down in one corner of the ring.

 

Edwin: Oh, very funny Myers. Getting yourself a chair.

 

King: Now that man has class! Myers knows how to conduct himself, being such a high ranking official and all.

 

Axis: What are you talking about he’s just a special referee.

 

King: He is still higher than you are Axis.

 

Axis says something about not getting enough respect as the match continues.

 

Jenkins feels more than a little embarrassed over his actions but he just shrugs his shoulders and continues on anyways. He tries to help Thor up but Thor counters from the kneeling position with several shots to Spike’s midsection. After a couple of jabs, Thor staggers Jenkins and Thor gets to one knee and delivers a firm European uppercut, sending Spike flying backwards onto his back. Thor stands up and moves towards a kneeling Jenkins. He takes his hand and whips him into the turnbuckle, where he is allowed a moments rest. His rest is short lived, however, as Thor charges at Jenkins with a full force splash, crushing him between a rack and a hard place.

 

Thor steps back and looks at each side of the crowd, in response the crowd cheers as they sense what Thor’s next attack will be. Thor grins from beneath his red beard and rears back with his massive arm and brings it down with all his might across Jenkins’ chest with a loud crack. The fans obviously respond with “WHOOO!!” Thor repeats with an even louder crack and receives another “WHOOO!!” He goes for a third chop, but Jenkins counters it by catching Thor’s arm. Jenkins somehow shifts the momentum backwards and puts Thor in the corner. Spike delivers a chop and receives the customary “WHOOO!!”, but instead of the same grimace and scowl that Jenkins gave, Thor’s face equates relative pleasantness. Jenkins goes for another one but Thor catches his arm and gives him a knee to the midsection.

 

Axis: You’ve got to wonder what Myers’ motivation will be in this match up. He doesn’t like either men, but he doesn’t really have a blood feud with them either.

 

Edwin: I know Poisyn or Myers or whatever he calls himself too well, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about him, is that he’s never to be trusted.

 

King: A man after my own heart. He’s the only one in the ring there who has any REAL talent.

 

Thor grabs a stumbling “Hollywood” by the head and lifts him up, up, and up still. Thor has Spike in a Gorilla Press and he presses his undersized adversary once... twice... three times, but Jenkins starts to wiggle and before Thor can bring him down in a slam, he reverses the hold. Spike flips himself from his upheld position and wraps his legs around Thor’s neck and flips him forward into a hurrincanrana. Spike goes for the pin but Myers is now reading a newspaper and is preoccupied. Jenkins gets quickly to his feet and walks over to Myers who is sitting in his very own place of comfort.

 

Jenkins grabs Matt by the shoulder and sort of helps him up. Myers apparently doesn’t appreciate the contact as he springs to his feet and stands right in front of the cannabis enthusiast. The two men stand chest to chest and bicker back and forth about Myers officiating duties. Myers starts to get a little but more hostile and starts to poke Spike in the chest while shouting commands like a drill sergeant. Spike, surely not wanting his European title shot to slip away, decides it is best not to argue with the official and turns around to walk away. He turns around and gets perfectly planted with a big boot to the face from the Thunder God sending him down to the canvas like a sand bag.

 

Axis: Spike Jenkins getting in the face of Matt Myers, doesn’t seem like a great idea seeing as he is the one who counts the pinfall in this match.

 

Edwin: But that’s just the point Axis. Myers isn’t counting the pinfall, he’s being a cheating bastard.

 

King, who was apparently busy with something else, suddenly looks up: What, cheating bastard? Somebody call for me?

 

Myers goes back to his corner and throws the chair out of the ring, perhaps he’s ready to actually officiate now. Jenkins stands and runs to Thor, attempting a missile dropkick but Thor maneuvers out of the way just in time. The dropkick it seems was not Jenkins’ original intent, however, as he lands on his feet and bounces off the ropes, recoils with a roll and springs from his body’s ball-like formation into a front dropkick into Thor‘s back. The fans cheer for the move as Thor stumbles and falls with his head and arms resting on the second rope. Jenkins sees an opening and runs at the semi-fallen Thor, but instead of leaping on Thor in a familiar move, he leaps to the top turnbuckle instead and with one graceful and suicidal maneuver, he leaps off and gives a guillotine dropkick to Thor’s head while himself landing outside onto the not-so protective mats outside.

 

The fans pop like RVD winning the Undisputed Title as both men lay beaten on the outside. Myers walks to the ropes and starts to do the count out. He yells the numbers quicker than usual with a smile on his face, as if he’s trying to get both men counted out. He reaches nine when he should be at about five and Thor rolls into the ring, very painfully. Myers gets a discouraged look on his face as Thor lays on the mat for a minute and then rolls back outside, a little more in control.

 

Axis: What a suicide maneuver by Spike Jenkins. I think that we would be proud to get have someone like Jenkins be our new European champion.

 

Edwin: I don’t know if anyone in this match is going to get an honest win here tonight, what with Myers crooked refereeing.

 

King: Crooked shmooked, Myers is doing a fine job of officiating this bout.

 

He picks up Jenkins but instead of whipping him into the ring post or the steel steps or the protective guardrail, he simply rolls Jenkins back into the ring. Thor gets up and waits for Jenkins to stand, which he does... very slowly. That insane suicide legdrop must have taken its toll on the SJL’s very own stoner. As Spike gets some of hits wits about him Thor whips him into the ropes. Jenkins bounces back but doesn’t see the three hundred and forty five pound red and blue missile coming at him as he gets taken down with a cross body block by Thor. Thor hooks Spike’s leg and gives the watching Myers a stare that could freeze a raging volcano. Myers goes for the cover.

 

1

.

.

2

.

 

Myers stands up quickly and exclaims to Thor the Spike had his foot on the ropes. Thor stands up and looks at Myers. Although Thor does not realize it, Spike is nowhere near the ropes. Everyone else in the Godzilla Dome and watching at home know however as scattered coughs of “BULLSHIT!!” are heard in the arena. After looking suspiciously at the man once called Poisyn, turns to looks at Spike but he is nowhere to be seen. Thor turns to the neighboring turnbuckle just in time to get caught with a top rope cross body. Instead of falling backwards Thor catches his smaller adversary and flips him over his head with a fall away slam.

 

Axis: Jenkins driven hard to the mat by the raw strength of Thor. It seems like the blood has stopped flowing from Thor’s head.

 

Edwin: With a head wound like that, those cuts can be reopened by simply grazing it.

 

King: Wow Edwin, you sure know a lot about head.

 

Edwin: Can it King... I’m not in the mood.

 

Jenkins rolls to his feet surprisingly quickly and kicks Thor in the gut, and without missing a beat drives him down with a DDT. With his insane quickness he immediately goes for the cover. Myers responds by dropping to the canvas like a good ref.

 

1

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2

.

.

 

Myers suddenly howls in pain as he brings his hand down for the three count. His hand stopping not more than two inches above the ring. He stands back up quickly holding his shoulder in pain, and contorting his expression like there’s no tomorrow. He looks at an enraged Spike Jenkins who has his jaw almost touching the floor in disbelief. Matt Myers is almost in tears but Jenkins knows those tears are not for his shoulder, they are tears of laughter.

 

Thor meanwhile has risen up behind Spike and just as Jenkins turns around Thor catches him with his baseball mitt of a hand around his neck. Thor lifts the little stoner up effortlessly with one arm and brings him back down hard to the canvas below. The crowd erupts in excitement for the chokeslam while Myers is still whining about his shoulder. Thor knows what the fans want and he slowly points towards the turnbuckle. The crowd explodes in excitement as the God of Thunder cracks a smile as some of his dried blood flakes off. Thor climbs the turnbuckles and turns around facing Jenkins, he is in the perfect position. Thor raises his fist high towards Asgard and the fans cheer even louder, but are suddenly silenced as Myers stumbles into the ring ropes in “pain” and Thor falls and crotches himself on the turnbuckle.

 

Axis: Every man with testicles in the Godzilla Dome is not a happy campers right now as Thor gets crotched on the top.

 

King: So that’s why your so chipper!

 

Thor sort of slips off the turnbuckle to the mat below holding his Asgardian family jewels, while Myers is still whining about his shoulder. Spike gets up and sees what just happened so he walks over to Myers to try and maybe talk some sense into him. The two competitors talk with Myers still selling the shoulder but Spike apparently says something that Matt doesn’t like, so he immediately stops selling the injury and starts to talk trash back to Jenkins and shoves him a little bit. Spike isn’t going to take any disrespect so he pushes Myers back a little. Myers slaps Spike in the face, but before Jenkins can retaliate, Thor rolls Spike into a small package. Myers counts, showing no ill effects from his shoulder.

 

1

.

.

2

.

.

 

Spike just barely kicks out. Causing both a gasp and a cheer from the crowd. Thor is not happy as he shows by picking up and then whipping Jenkins into the ropes and catching him with a superkick which takes the youngster down. Thor has no choice but to make Jenkins quit by force, as he lays on the back of the fallen warrior and places his feet in front of his arms and wrapping his hands under his chin and pulling backwards in a camel clutch. Jenkins face is livid as he struggles and strains but the pain is simply too much. Thor is exerting so much force on the camel clutch that his forehead wound starts to bleed again and it does so with a slight pop, squirting a tad bit of juice on the mat before pouring down his face.

 

Axis: Ewww that is disgusting. Thor’s recent and partially healed head wound just reopened itself and squirted blood out. That is disgusting.

 

King: Ah, I’ve had worse.

 

Edwin is trying to do the Goldmember accent: I am from Holland. Ishn’t dat weird?

 

Jenkins puts up a good fight but finally the pain is too much for him. He taps his hand on the canvas repeatedly, hoping to hear the sweet sound of the bell ringing, signaling the end to the pain... but there is no bell sound. Thor holds on the hold for a couple seconds more before standing and turning around and wiping his eyes of blood and seeing Myers talking to a very pretty looking camera person. This makes Thor incensed and he charges at Myers, only stopped by noticing that he is wearing the referee zebra stripes and remembering that if he hits Myers, he will be disqualified.

 

Thor turns only to have Jenkins pull his legs out from under him. Jenkins is going submission for submission as he flips the Thunder God over and locks on a single leg Boston Crab. Thor is hurting but still he presses on, painfully inching himself closer to the ropes. Finally he reaches them and the fans cheer as he is out of the woods. Except Myers is not paying any attention at all. The only thing that startles him is Thor’s loud and pained sounding voice yelling “MYERS!!” to which he turns around and forces Jenkins to release the submission hold.

 

Axis: Myers is definitely up to something in this match, but what? What would Mak Francis, the leader of the sWo, have told Myers to do in this match?

 

Edwin: I’ll tell you Axis. Both Thor and Jenkins are big thorns in the side of the sWo. Besides say our world champion CIA these two athletes are the only things really stopping the sWo from gaining complete control over my roster.

 

King: Edwin, why do you make up lies? Who is it that you’re really hurting when you make fibs? Its yourself, isn’t it? The sWo aren’t here to take over, they are here to make the SJL a better place for everyone. If it means eliminating the weak and manipulating the strong then that is just fine.

 

Axis: Hitler said something like that you know.

 

King: Chip Hitler?

 

Jenkins backs off away from Thor respectively and waits for Thor to get back up. When he does Spike goes for a quick side kick but is denied by Thor, obviously too clever for the mortal. Jenkins then jumps and swings his other foot around, kicking Thor in the head with a sickening slap. Thor doesn’t go down but simply stumbles into the ropes. Jenkins instead of hitting another offensive maneuver, picks up his foot and looks in disgust at his white shoe, which is now spattered in Thor’s blood. He makes a disgusted face but puts his foot down to deal with it later.

 

As he looks back up Thor is charging right after him and takes him spinning to the mat with a huge clothesline. Thor sees his opportunity and goes for it he climbs the turnbuckles and turns around and points directly at Matt Myers, and he leaps off getting some big air as his elbow lands on Jenkins' sternum knocking what little breath he already had clear from his body. He throws his arm over him for the cover... except Myers is refusing to do it. This time its not a phony injury or a beautiful woman distracting him, he just flat out refuses to allow a victory to pass as is evident by him waving his finger at Thor.

 

Edwin: That dirty son of a bitch! I can’t believe he would refuse to do his duty like that. That is just flat out disrespect to me, and I will NOT stand for it *kkccchhk*

 

Edwin disconnects his headset and walks over to the ring.

 

Axis: What is MacPhisto doing King?

 

King: Hell if I know!

 

Edwin walks up to the ring and steps onto the ring apron. He spins Myers around and waves his arms frantically trying to somehow intimidate Matt. Myers thinks about it for a second or two and slaps the face of Eddie Mac with the fans in disbelief. Edwin’s head is knocked to the side but he quickly snaps it back into place and stares into the eyes of the man formerly called Poisyn. Thor is now up and also spins Myers around, his seven foot frame towering over the sWo originator. Thor tries to say something to Myers but he interjects with some other sort of trash talk.

 

Spike is just now getting to his knees as Thor and Myers are arguing and Thor turns to Jenkins and delivers a kick to the stomach while at the same time Myers turns around only to find that Edwin had hopped down from the ring, went to the announcers table and grabbed something. Just as Myers turns around Edwin steps up to the ring apron and spits some of his strawberry daiquiri in his face, mocking Myers’ own move, Your Poisyn. Myers barely recovers from being sprayed with the pink mist as Edwin MacPhisto grabs Myers by the head and drops himself downwards in a stunner-like move, pulling Matt’s throat against the ropes and sending him bouncing back into the ring.

 

Axis: WOW!! EDWIN SPRAYED HIS DAIQUIRI IN THE FACE OF MYERS, IN HIS OWN MOVE, AND THEN CHOKING HIM ON THE ROPES!!

 

King: Do you have to yell? I’m right here and I can tell you are excited by the urine stain on your pants rather than your incessant shrieking.

 

Edwin steps into the ring and takes off his coat and makes the cover for while Edwin was disposing of Myers, Thor hit the Ragnarok piledriver on Jenkins and went for the cover. Edwin gets down to the mat and makes the count.

 

1

.

.

2

.

.

3

 

DING!! DING!! DING!!

 

Thor does it. Thor picks up the European title on the very same night that he loses his TV title. Thor stands up and an intense Edwin MacPhisto holds Thor’s hand in the air as his theme music starts up and Funyon speaks from ringside “Here is your winner... and new SJL European Champion... THOOOOOORRRR!!” the fans pop like crazy as Thor is handed the belt and Edwin MacPhisto hold up his arm while Thor holds his newfound gold. The applause is deafening with Myers lying in the ring holding his eyes and Jenkins just standing up. The pop dies a bit as Jenkins looks at Thor uneasily, these two have just had a hard fought match. They look each other up and down, both breathing heavily.

 

Suddenly Thor gives Jenkins a high five and the pop doubles as Thor holds up Jenkins arm in a rare display of good sportsmanship. The three fan favorites stand in the ring with their hands raised as the fans yell and scream their approval... until... “God of Thunder” is cut off suddenly and is replaced by “Ashes In The Fall” and the fans shift gears dramatically from cheers to boos. As the sWo quickly emerges from the curtain, not waiting to give a special little speech or a bit of trash talk to the three faces in the ring. No, these despicable heels sprint down the ramp and all leap onto the ring apron. Y2K hops up and gets drilled back down by one big right hand from Thor. Fugue leaps up and Jenkins catches him with a right hand and the two exchange blows until “Hollywood” lays a big forearm to the music man’s back and then knees him in the face, knocking him over. Y2K leaps up again and again Thor pops him in the chops back down to the floor.

 

Axis: That’s it. I’m convinced. All hell has broken loose.

 

King: Why are they beating up the sWo? What have they ever done?

 

Mak Francis then steps up to the apron and Eddie Mac himself swings at “The Franchise”, but Mak ducked down in time to avoid that mean British right hand. Mak hops back down and signals for the rest of the sWo to join him. Fugue grabs Myers and helps him to the front of the ring. Y2K complies and also walks to the front. Mak Francis is smiling more than Fugue as he taps his head and they walk to the back. All three faces stand in the ring at the ring ropes facing their would be dispatchers.

 

Jenkins stands on the turnbuckle and shouts something to the villains and Eddie Mac signals with his hands that he is the one who is smart. Thor climbs the second turnbuckle and holds his new European title in the air and then points at it, showing the sWo who is in control. All three men then go back to the middle of the ring and stand shoulder to shoulder. Surely an intimidating sight. All three men exchange high fives and pats on the back as Edwin MacPhisto picks up his coat and retires to his announcing position once again.

 

King: ... Well?

 

Axis: ... Well?

 

Edwin: I just had to take care of a bit of business.

 

Axis: You call THAT a bit of business? You took out one of your own employees!

 

Edwin: I figured instead of taking the insubordination out of his pay check, I just took him out of commission and substituted a more suitable referee.

 

Axis: Well, I suppose that makes sense. But I guess the main thing here is that Thor won the European title against all odds. And I do mean all odds. Tremendous match up and a tremendous show of sportsmanship by both competitors. Please stay with us, there is more to come!

 

The camera fades out at a shot of both Spike Jenkins and Thor walking up the ramp, Thor carrying his Euro belt over his shoulder, and high fiving some fans. When they reach the top of the ramp, both Thor and Jenkins turn around and Jenkins holds up Thor’s hand as the crowd cheers wildly at the display of camaraderie. The camera fades out slowly, recording the swelling cheers.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

And the camera pans about the audience in The Godzilla Dome on Monster Island! In the air behind the crowd a super large moth with a hairstyle like Marge Simpson and an ape that looks similar to Homer Simpson eats SJL fans. Yes I know this is straight out of the Simpson’s Arcade game by Acclaim. The camera checks out a few of the now mandatory signs shilling TNT like “TNT is a genius” and “TNT = ratings”. A few new signs are also seen like “Carnies do it better”, “The monster Island book from when I was young was the best book ever” and “I’m done shilling for today…or am I”. There would be more signs but the monsters in the background keep eating people before they can been shown on TV. The camera zoom in on the three normals to the announce booth trio, Axis, Edwin and the Suicide King!

 

“And we are back live in The Godzilla Dome on Monster Island!” bellows Axis, motioning with his hands in a grand fashion. “And after what has just transpired I think that I’m going to be sick to my stomach.” Adds an unusually un jovial Edwin MacPhisto.

 

“The sWo tried to pull a fast one on just moments ago for those of you just tuning in, but we will not even discuss them anymore.”

 

“Please my man Mak is coming to the ring any second now.” Quips Suicide King. “Now discuss, discuss.”

 

“Well after this attempt at a travesty of justice we get to see the co-leader of the sWo come out here and flash his shit eating grin like he almost always does.”

 

“He wasn’t smiling after that low blow to Renegade on the cage cost himself the Junior League’s World Heavyweight Championship Axis.”

 

“No he wasn’t but he not surprisingly demanded another shot at the title and got a match with the Insane Luchador Andrew Rickmen for the number one contendership to said title. I felt sorry for the boy.”

 

“I wonder what type of mood he’s in after costing himself the one thing he strives to get.”

 

“The SJL better watch out as Mak is pissed and ready to reclaim what should be his.”

 

[Whispered] ‘Are you Ready?’….

 

“This match is scheduled for one fall and is for the number one contender to the Smarks Junior League World Heavyweight Title.” Booms Funyon the SJL master of ceremonies.

 

Blue and White strobe lights flash as the Smarktron airs highlights of Mak Francis hitting the perfect kick on TNT. This is followed by a blue and white photonegative image of Mak Francis…

 

[semi loud] ‘Are you Ready?’….

 

And a clip of him planting Scott Reid with The Franchise Tag followed by the blue and white photonegative image again…

 

[screamed] ‘CAUSE THE FRANCHISE HERE!’

 

“Making his way to ringside at 225 pounds…hailing from the city of brotherly hate…“The Franchise” MAAAAK FRRANNNNNCCCIIIISSSSSS!” announces Funyon with all the flash and panache of Michael Buffer.

 

The Smarktron flashes the words 'The Franchise' as the lights partially come up. This allows the fans to see Mak Francis posed with his back to the crowd. Francis is once again back to being all about mocking the fans as he walks to the ring. A defining boo breaks out as he spins around showing off his sWo shirt and dark blue shades for a change of pace, all of which you can buy on www.SJLshoppezone.com.org. They’re right next to the CIA “Canadian Dream” tee shirt.

 

Francis flashes his right fist in the air after he enters the ring still hiding his injured and taped up left hand. The self proclaimed Franchise cracks his neck in preparation for his opponent.

 

“Francis still protecting that left hand which got picked apart in the cage match last week.”

 

“Yeah those damn sadist attacked his injured hand without mercy.” Adds an irate Suicide King. “That damn CIA and his Canadian antics.”

 

“What about Renegade?” questions Axis? “Ah, he’s bumped and thusly is gets more respect than any JL member.”

 

Mudvayne's "Dig" violently plays, as the lights go out, and soon flicker back on but the arena is a bit dim. He stands tall on the top of the ramp, bending his back like a limbo pose but he makes a cross with his hands. Soon black sparks cascades down the top of the IGNtron. Insane Luchador gets back to his normal stand and blood red pyro (still like sparks) explodes to the near right and left of IL. It soon turns to black with red mixed in here and there. It soon creates a shield of black sparks and Insane Luchador leaps out of it landing on his feet with a smirk. The pyro slows down and quits as Insane Luchador rolls into the ring.

 

“And his opponent…Making his way to ringside…weighing in tonight at 195 pounds…from Easton, Pennsylvania…He was formerly known as the True Plague but his name is…ANDREW RIIIIIIIIIIIICKMEEEEEEEEEEN!” Bellow Funyon to a mixed reaction that Rickmen has been receiving as of late.

 

“And here is the Andrew Rickmen back in action after getting attacked by the sWo during Wrathapalooza at Ash Ketchum’s home.”

 

“Let us never speak of that Pokemon freaks hut again.”

 

“It shall be done King. Well no love loss between these two men as the sWo put Rickmen on the shelf for a week or two after his win over the talented but now misguided Fugue.”

 

“I’d say he was brainwashed but there seems to be a little tension between Fugue and the rest of the stable. It gets you wondering if all those big ego can say together for long.”

 

“Please Edwin the sWo is stronger than ever after destroying Xrteme Force 9 and re gaining the services of one Matt Meyers.”

 

“Well Andrew Rickmen looks to get back into the World title picture with a win over Francis here tonight. It should be gangbusters!”

 

“Francis went up against IL earlier in his career. This is the time to see how much the Franchise has improved if he’s as much a student of the game as he professes to be.” Remembers Edwin. “The Franchise Mak Francis versus Insane Luchador Andrew Rickmen for a shot at World title gold, bloody marvelous!”

 

Rickmen and Francis stand in opposite corners while todays referee Matt Kivell checks them for illegal objects. And this match is underway.

 

Francis and Rickmen circle each other and test the ring the two men meet in a collar and elbow tie-up, which is quickly turned into a side headlock by Francis. IL shoots the duo off the ropes and Francis is forced to let goes as he runs towards the opposite ropes. IL stands his ground and leap frog the Franchise who comes barreling back at full speed. Upon his return though Francis has to duck a back elbow smash from Rickmen and he counters by skidding to a stop – and he grazes IL with a super kick that staggers the lankier opponent.

 

“Francis just missed with that super kick that has put many people out to lunch.” Axis comments, while watching all the fast paced action. “Although action this quick has to be in favor of IL and his lightening quick attack style.”

 

Francis goes for an Irish whip on the dazed former New Sound member and succeeds in throwing him towards the ropes. But IL comes back like a house of fire and when Francis picks him up for what seems to be a tilt a whirl back breaker IL latches on and completes a head scissors takedown counter.

 

IL is right back on Francis as he gets up and gets knocked back down with a clothesline. Then IL attempts a corner whip –

 

…

 

But Francis reverses and IL hits the corner hard, back first.

 

Francis after the Irish whip rushes in and nails IL with a corner clothesline that forces the lighter man to slump. After a viscous back elbow to his head IL falls further into the corner. Another deadly strike hits its mark and knocks Rickmen into next week.

 

Then the Franchise tilts his head up with the palm of his hand and…

 

- SMACK -

 

“Booooo” comes forth from the crowd in response. As Francis hits another and another AND ANOTHER knife-edge the crowd just continuously boos him. All the Insane one can do is cover his chest and wait for an opportunity – which takes places just as Francis showboats to the crowd with a Flair esque “WHOOOOOO”.

 

“And IL turns the tables with a shotei or palm strike to the chest backing Francis off of him. Luchador continues to assault Francis with rights and lefts and grips him - Irish whip back into the corner he just fought his way out of.” “Rickmen going to town on Francis with mounted right hands in the corner.”

 

UNO…

 

DOS…

 

TRES…

 

 

“SJL, home of the bilingual crowds.”

 

“That ain’t the only thing bi around here.”

 

 

CUARTO…

 

CINCO…

 

SEIS…

 

 

“YOU FOOLS HE’S NOT MEXICAN!”

 

 

SIETE…

 

OCHO…

 

 

“I HATE MARKS SO MUCH!!”

 

“Oh” goes the crowd as IL gets shoved off his opponent and tumbles back into a crouched position.

 

“I guess our bilinguals in the crowd can’t count past eight.”

 

“Or it could have been the Franchise breaking up the ten corner punches…”

 

IL hustles in to drive his shoulder into the gut of Francis - but he sidesteps and Andrew Rickmen hits the steel pole upper arm first. As he slowly backs out from in between the second and top turnbuckle, holding his shoulder in pain, Mak Francis slides in front of him. Scoops him up for a body slam but places him on his shoulder in preparation to drop him Scott Norton style and -

 

“Insane Luchador counters out of the shoulder breaker and slides behind Mak Francis, executing a back waist lock - ”

 

But, Francis wretches at the waist lock with his one good hand and a standing switch turns the tide. Francis still with a grip on his opponents’ right hand places him in a hammerlock and pushes it up and back against IL’s back with authority.

 

“Nice job off countering with only one hand by Francis. Using the weakness of being able to bend Rickmen’s wrist to his advantage there.”

 

But Francis is not done yet as he lifts IL off of his feet and backdrop suplexes him onto the chicken winged arm behind his own back. The Insane one again holds his shoulder in pain as Francis gets up to a wave of boos for the single-minded attack of Insane Luchador’s shoulder.

 

“Mak doesn’t forgive or forget as he goes after the pre injured shoulder of Andrew Rickmen with a chicken winged backdrop suplex.” “It seems so as he and the sWo attacked that shoulder, in particular Fugue, for the setup of his finisher Harmony. This occurred after a death defying moonsault from off a balcony on HARDCORE legend Grimedogg already made it evident that the shoulder should be attacked.”

 

“Mak’s main goal when he started out was to become a true student of the game and in about two months he’s become one of the best at scouting his opponent injuries, tendencies and weaknesses with the expert help of Tyler Kinkel, who is noticeably absent from our booth.”

 

“And thank GOD!”

 

Francis continues on the shoulder by picking up the downed Luchador and putting his shoulder through an arm wringer. Francis walks IL over to the ropes and puts the arm in the ropes bending and torturing it against the top cable. Referee Matt Kivell walks over and starts the mandatory count, to which Francis gives a semi clean break a little after Kivell screams “FOUR!”. IL shakes out his arm but Francis is quickly back on him with an Irish whip – which is reversed by IL and Francis recoils off the ropes - and ducks under a spinning heel kick from the former true plague.

 

“Francis going for the backslide pin attempt.” “And with Rickmen’s shoulder hurt the struggle to not get pinned is putting more pressure on that injury.”

 

Francis lifts the lighter Rickmen onto his back and almost gets him over but IL kicks and screams and reverses dropping to his knees and lifting Francis up – but Francis won’t go over for the pin so the Insane Luchador stands up and lets go off the backslide driving Francis face first into the mat with a high impact -

 

“Desperation Gory Bomb~! Haven’t seen one of those in the SJL before. No way Francis could have scouted that as IL’s never even attempted it before!”

 

IL flips Francis over and goes for the cover as Kivell gets into position.

 

“That should be it as Francis got his bloody bell rung by that Gory Bomb!”

 

O

N

E

 

 

T

W

O

 

 

 

T

H

R

E

E…

 

“I can’t believe Francis kicked out but what a way to swing the offense in his favor with that devastating Gory Bomb!” “But you have to wonder what that did to the shoulder of IL.”

 

Andrew Rickmen ignores the pain in his shoulder and goes to town on the injury of the sWo member…his left hand. Francis crawls to his knees but is quickly back down flat on his face holding his hand in pain after IL stomped on it.

 

“And IL getting in on the fun as he finally gets to attack the hand injured in the number one contenders match by Renegade.”

 

“It’s just not as much fun when the super evil guy isn’t doing it.”

 

“Mak’s about as evil as Adam Sandler in “Little Nicky”, all rights reserved of course.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Rickmen continues to attack Francis’s hand as he stomps at it one more time. The crowd roars in approval as he grabs the gauss covered left hand placing it between his own hands and goes into a handstand, which leads him to drop all his body weight in the form of a knee onto Mak Francis’s injured extremity.

 

“IL with a surprisingly methodical pace for a high flyer like himself. A definite change of pace from the match beginning.”

 

The Insane one lifts Francis up to his feet, still squeezing the hurt hand, and goes for an Irish whip with Francis’s bad hand – but he short arms it again putting pressure on the fingers and connects with a side shuffle back kick to the chops of the Franchise. Rickmen never lets go of the hand and yanks Francis up to his feet for one more attack. Francis can only cry out in pain as IL places Francis in a hammerlock of his own and scoop slams him onto the mat using the same tactics that his opponent used earlier to attack a different body part.

 

“And Andrew Rickmen is taking it to the Franchise…why the hell is he extending Francis’s arm.”

 

IL briefly goes outside and scales the turnbuckle balancing himself as he dives off the top and lands leg first on the injury of Mak Francis. The crowd enjoys his pain and cheers IL on while Francis rolls about the ring covering his hand.

 

“Huge Air gotten for that top rope Leg Drop to the hand.”

 

“IL starting to pick up the pace of this match.”

 

And true to that statement Insane Luchador lands some heavy and fast strikes to Francis and Irish whips him to the turnbuckle which he hits and flips upside down and outside the ring onto the apron barely holding on to the ropes for dear life. IL takes advantage of this and sprints to the corner using the second buckle as a springboard and hits flying dropkick to the dizzy Franchise. Francis falls to the outside and Andrew Rickmen quickly moves up the turnbuckle waiting for him to get up.

 

“IL poised and ready to strike off the top – and as Francis is up IL is off the turnbuckle and nails him with a high cross body to the outside.” “The only problem with the high risk attacks is that they are just that high risk. And the higher the risk the better the chance you hurt yourself more than your opponent.”

 

The crowd is really hot as Insane Luchador gets up first and rolls Mak Francis into the ring. Francis gets up ignoring the dull throbbing pain in his hand and

Tries to steady himself. The loco luchador, rolls in and nails him with a shotei to the chest following it up by going for and Irish whip, which is reversed. IL comes rebounding back into a super kick attempt - that he ducks and as a counter he drops the sWo co leader to the mat with a judo hip toss that causes him to land directly on his bad hand. As this is happening, IL goes up top once more. He faces the crowd doing his Raven like pose and he bends his knees leaping into the air and corkscrewing his body while executing a moonsault!

 

…

 

…

 

But Insane Luchador Corkscrew moonsault splash missed its target as Francis rolls out of the way.

 

“Shades from their first ever battle here in the SJL. Back then Francis was just a rookie trying to learn the ropes and IL dominated him. Now almost two months later these two men our back at it in tonight’s semi main event.”

 

“Francis must have had that scouted as it ended his win streak as a JL rookie.”

 

IL is laying in the ring face down as Francis still on the ground, because he can’t even get up taunts the crowd and IL by pointing to his head like he’s gods gift to Mensa.

 

“The man who gets up first here will have a definite advantage.”

 

“Pfft…after all the luring of Rickmen into a false sense of security, Mak will surely be up first.” Adds Suicide King in his better than God attitude.

 

“I think he rolled over because snakes like to be on their belly’s. But that is just me and every fan in this damn building!” Quips Edwin MacPhisto with a hint of anger in his voice.

 

“And IL and Francis are up at the same time…”

 

“And kick to the gut…”

 

“And the front face lock…for the even flow D…D…-”

 

But Francis reaches around behind Andrew Rickmen and hammerlocks his arm…that is connected to his injured shoulder – and Francis bull rushes forward trapping Insane Luchador’s arm in between his own back and the turnbuckle. It leads to extreme pain in IL’s arm and shoulder - which also links to one the best executed overhead tosses ever seen in a JL ring. The Insane one goes up into the air and then crashes down hard nearly separating his shoulder from a chicken winged northern light suplex with a bridge attempt. Kivell slide into position as only he can to make the count…

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

THRE-

 

“NO! IL gets the other shoulder up. That move may have changed the complexion of this match entirely.” Says Axis trying to inform the home crowd of what a devastating move that was.

 

“NCAA National Champion baby. That’s why he’s the Franchise, he can counter out of almost anything.” Chimes in Suicide King but doesn’t fail to get in his own cheat plug. “Much like me but he can counter anywhere in the ring at any place any time. Only I can do that!”

 

“But then we all can’t be a washed up DEPUTY commission of the Smarks Wrestling Federation. Only the best of the best get that honor…ZING!”

 

“I hate you so much…”

 

“But Kingy…”

 

“Don’t call me that!”

 

“What Kingy?”

 

“I think Kingy doesn’t want you to call him Kingy…I wonder why?”

 

“At least he’s a champ now, so I have to put up with his British idiocy for a while but you shed boy can just go back to jobber Ville where you belong.”

 

“Well that wasn’t very nice at all. Why does nobody respect me?”

 

“Because it says so on the cue cards right over there.”

 

“Oh okay then. Francis circles like a vulture over his prey as IL starts to get up to one knee. Rickmen is in some true pain as his shoulder has been the target of attack all match. Francis helps IL up to his feet standing face to face with the lighter man and extends his arm for an arm bar - but jumps and takes him down with a single arm DDT that ravages the shoulder arena.”

 

“Francis is right back to work on that shoulder and IL needs to speed up the pace in his favor if he has any chance of winning this match.”

 

Francis gets up puts IL in a standing arm bar to put even more pressure on the shoulder. Francis stands above his opponent talking smack about killing the New Sound while he wrenches away at the socket. The rest hold gives the fans a chance to rally behind the new tweener as he scores with a low blow straight to the jewels of Mak Francis. How Kivell didn’t see it amazes everybody but then again Kivell isn’t paid enough to actual take this job seriously. Francis hunches over in pain as IL bounces off the near ropes and bull dogs him into the mat. Surprisingly IL does not go for the cover but instead goes out onto the ring apron waiting for Francis to get up and turn around.

 

“Don’t turn around Mak!” But Suicide King’s warnings go on deaf ears as Francis stumbles to his feet and IL Springboard’s off the top rope into perfect Hurricana position. Francis sees this as a great opportunity as he places his arms behind Insane Luchador to attempt a power bomb - but the man no longer called the true plague, Andrew Rickmen reverses and ends up on Francis’s shoulders facing the same way he is. After a few right hands to the back of the head the crowd waits in anticipation for the next big move. “What is about to happen here?” Question Axis but the crowd goes into a feverish cheer as falls backward…

 

…

 

Dragging Francis down…

 

…

 

 

 

And spiking him on his head with a Reverse Hurricana!!!

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

“OH MY GOD! WHAT A COUNTER FROM ANDREW RICKMEN!”

 

“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” chants the crowd as Rickmen lies on his stomach holding his injured shoulder that hit the mat hard. Well not as hard as the top of Francis’s head. “And both men are down again after that wonderful display of balance by Rickmen. He seems to have lit a fire under himself to get the World strap. Maybe he has something new to fight for.” Says Edwin over the slowly dying roar of the crowd.

 

“IL showing he can still fly but he hurt his injured shoulder some more. Those flashy high risk moves like the ones that Edwin pulls have repercussions and consequences.”

 

But even with the pain stabbing at his arm Rickmen gets up to his vertical base and drags the self endowed Franchise along for the ride. After a stiff martial arts punch and a shotei to the cheek Rickmen goes for a kick to the mid section…

 

…

 

And Francis catches the boot – but as he taunts to the chagrin of the Junior League audience, Insane Luchador spins into an enzuguri kick aimed at the back of his head.

 

 

 

 

And misses as Francis ducks under and lets him fall on his face. Then the Franchise hooks in the Cobra Clutch. Francis yells for Kivell to ask him but IL says no. After about thirty seconds Francis changes his strategy dragging IL up to a standing position as he gasps for air. Kivell backs away as the announce booth speculates on his next move.

 

“What will we see here folks from the Franchise.”

 

“Looks like Mak is going for a cobra clutch suplex.” Guesses Edwin and his guess is bang on. “He only hit this move once in the Junior Leagues so far and it is one of the most dangerous maneuvers in wrestling today.”

 

And with that Il goes head over heels literally into the mat with a release Cobra Clutch suplex pummeling his head into the canvas.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

“That’s it”

 

 

 

 

 

THREE-

 

“No. Kivell stops just before three as IL gets his shoulder up.”

 

Francis a little upset that he kicked out of the cobra clutch picks him up off the mat and scoops him up in the air. IL tries to wriggle free by kicking his legs and arms but Francis plants his shoulder onto his own knee sending sharp pain down the spine of IL. Francis drops him to the mat like a sack off potatoes and goes for the cover as he holds his shoulder.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE

 

“No IL got his non injured shoulder up. What will shown here by IL.”

 

Francis picks IL up off the mat and looks to throw him into the ring post shoulder first again but IL has a different idea as he

 

Francis is in the corner, and IL seeing he’s in the prime position springboards up the first and second ropes, quickly mounting the top turnbuckle and he places his hands on the back Francis’s head.

 

…

And then he falls smashing Francis’s face into the canvas.

 

“When IL hits that move you know he is going for the Brink of Insanity or Even flow DDT next!”

 

“And Mak probably has it scouted.”

 

As Francis gets up IL looks to lock him in a full nelson – but Francis connects with a swift mule kick to the nuts and takes a step to the side and two steps backwards locking on the dragon sleeper that leads into the Tribute. How Kivell didn’t see the low blow is a fact that I can only answer with the fact that he gets paid too little to care.

 

“Francis going for the Tribute after that dastardly low blow counters the Brink of Insanity attempt!”

 

But IL being a ring veteran grabs at the weakened left hand supporting the dragon sleeper and turns it over causing Francis to scream. IL straightens out his arm and set him up…

 

As Francis struggles to break free IL goes for a kick and hits…

 

Lunges forward into the front face lock…

 

But Francis uses his right hand to break the face lock and sidestep sideways holding the arm up and dropping into a Japanese arm bar that slide directly into a cross face which wretches and torques the arm neck and shoulder especially.

 

“What do ya say IL.”

 

“AHHHHHHHH, NOOOOOOOO!”

 

“Ask him again damnit!” And Kivell asks again this time with making sure to get his point across. “What do ya say IL.”

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH, FUCK NOOOO!”

 

And IL fights for all he’s worth trying not to take but he’s almost at the highest level of pain he can take as Francis continues to torque. Just as the pressure is becoming too great Insane Luchador does the only thing he can do – he counters out of the cross face! IL grabs at the hurt left hand of Francis holding the cross face together and yanks putting new pressure on the injury. Francis is forced to let go and that gives the Insane one all the opportunity he needs. IL rotates his body off the ground into a version of a school boy modified by the fact that Rickmen’s arm is still trapped in between Francis’s legs. Kivell dives around the two men to make the count!

 

O

N

E

 

 

 

T

W

O

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

H

R

E

E

 

And at the last second Francis sweeps the legs out from under IL causing him to fall back to the in the Japanese arm bar. From there Francis hooks on the cross face and IL is immediately at his pain threshold and tap outs to end the madness!!

 

TAP_TAP_TAP!!!!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“And the winner of this match by submission…and number one contender to the SJL World Heavyweight Title. “The Franchise” MAAAAK FRAAAAAANCCISSS!”

 

“Hooya, Mak wins another shot at his title.”

 

“Well, it looks like the sWo member gets a second chance at World gold against the winner of our MAIN EVENT CIA VERSUS SILENT…coming up NEXT!”

 

[Fade to commercials of TNT doing what he does best shilling stuff]

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

The cameras cut back in, once again bringing you SJL Wrath. The obligatory crowd sweep is first, showing excited fans, and a veritable buttload (Yes, a buttload) of signs, some witty, the rest not getting on screen. Hey, them’s the breaks. Among the standouts are such things as ‘Silent: Only appreciated once it’s gone. So go away’ ‘World champ’s no hoser’ ‘CIA: Canada’s second best import’, under a picture of a Molson beer bottle.

 

Next it’s them, the men, the myth, the legends, your announce trio. They say a lot of stuff to introduce the next matchup, brimming with excitement, but damn it, I’m in a hurry, so imagine it yourself. It goes a little something like this.

 

Axis: Exciting action, blah blah, technical geniuses, blah, blah blah.

 

King: Shut up! Silent rules! A lot!

 

Edwin: Insert witty, but unimportant bit here.

 

And with all that EXCITING commentary getting you psyched, we cut to the ring, Funyon already present. Raising the microphone high, he announces the first competitor in the matchup, eliciting a loud rain of boos.

 

“Entering the ring first, from wherever the hell he comes from, representing the clan, he is…. Silent!”

 

“Booooo!!!!”

 

Silent makes his way through the curtains up on the entrance ramp, black coat on his back, cane in hand, and he marches towards the ring, looking deadly serious.

 

King: Here he comes, a man who is now used to being on better shows than this, namely ground zero, and who just wants to prove once and for all noone in the JL has what it takes to defeat him, not even the world champ.

 

Edwin: A world champion who has gone through hell over the past few of our WONDERFUL JL extravaganzas, King, and finally achieved this, rising to the highest peak. Still, I don’t like his chances against Silent, who is a crippler in that ring.

 

Axis: Well, we’ll see just what the champ has to say about that, as it seems Funyon is clearing the ring, and we all know what that means.

 

Indeed, almost on cue, the lights in the arena dip to a low red glow, and the opening strains of ‘Oh Canada’ begin to play through the house speakers. The crowd rises to their feet, singing along, many even yelling aloud as the words come to a close, and a loud boom explodes, pyro firing into the air, glittering red points of light fluttering down from above. The opening riff to ‘Secret Agent man’ ring out, and almost immediately die, as a familiar smiling face appears on the screen, turned to the side right next to a microphone, a stack of empty beer bottles visible in the back of the shot, along a windowsill.

 

“Hellllllooooo, everybody!”

 

The crowd catches on immediately, as they chant in return.

 

“Heeeellllloooooo, CIA!”

 

Silent fumes in the ring, although he does so in a quiet, controlled manner. Pointing to the outside of the ring, he motions for a microphone, and is quickly given one. Raising it to his mouth, he is about to speak, but CIA’s voice rings through the arena once more.

 

“Shhh!”

 

Frowning, Silent raises the microphone, and again….

 

“SHHHHH!!!”

 

“Listen, you…”

 

“SHH!”

 

“Why don’t you…”

 

“SHHHHH!!!!”

 

“But I…”

 

”SHHHH!!!!!”

 

At this point, the fans are laughing aloud, and Silent actually seems to be quite angry at this disrespect, and so he raises the microphone to his lips one more time, waiting, waiting, and finally speaking, a single, one word question.

 

“Afraid?”

 

The arena ooooohhhhs, knowing that Silent just dropped a hell of a bitch card, and it now laid on the shoulders of their world champ to pick it up.

 

CIA seems to think about it, looking left, then right, and finally leaning in really close to the screen, cupping one hand around his mouth and whispering as he speaks.

 

“Well…. Yeah, but don’t tell anybody.”

 

Oddly enough, the crowd pops at this, cheering aloud, and Silent gets angrier still.

 

“This is totally unprofessional. If you don’t get down here, I’ll….”

 

“You’ll what? Have me DQed? Counted out? Unlikely. And worse thing that happens, you get me counted out and win. But I keep my title. Let’s face it, tall, dark, and frightening. You do this my way, or you get nothing. Unless, of course, you think our COMMISIONER would rule in your favor over me? Non, non, non, monsieur. We’re gonna play a little game, whether you like it or not.”

 

Here, the view on the screen zooms out, showing CIA in the midst of a backstage party, surrounded by some of the SJL cast and crew, and bedecked in a maple leafs uniform, full padding included, and a goalkeeper’s hockey stick in his hand. “So we’re gonna play hide and seek, Silent. Game on.”

 

CIA turns away, and the view on camera cuts out, but Silent is already on his way down the ramp, headed for the backstage in a huff. He makes it through the curtain, shoving aside a staff member, and pointing as the cameraman who has just caught up to him. “You listen here. You’re gonna catch every second of this on Camera. I’m gonna prove he’s a nut before I kill him. Then it’ll have to be self defense. And it shouldn’t be that hard to prove, either.”

 

Silent marches down the stairs, and turns into a hallway, only to stop short, rage continuing to rise. The camera turns, and catches sight of a tv, words scrolling along.

 

“Silent, Silent, he’s the man, if he can’t do it…. Well, he can’t. Take a left, pretty boy. And hurry up, I’m waiting to kick your….”

 

*CRASH*

 

The cameraman jumps back, getting a good shot of the TV, with a large piece of steel pipe embedded in the glass, sparks coming out of the screen as it tips backwards and goes crashing to the ground. Silent steps forward, tearing the pipe free, and turning to the left, marching onwards.

 

The camera follows Silent as he moves through the hallways with the sinuous grace of a cheetah on the prowl. And most likely the same thoughts in mind. Unfortunately, Silent pushing various people out of his way doesn’t make for good TV. Luckily, the backstage area of the SJL provides, showing why anything can happen on an SJL show. As Silent turns a corner, and the sounds of a party can be heard off in the background, the first odd sight is seen, as Kamikaze and Hollywood Spike Jenkins seem to be having a conversation.

 

“No, no, I don’t have anything for you. But Maria says she knows where to get some.”

 

“Cool, man. Where can I find this Maria chick?”

 

“She’s right here, friend, can’t you see?”

 

Spike looks at the empty space Kamikaze is pointing towards, then back at Kami, eyes moving back and forth a few more times before he smiles and nods his head. “Damn, this stuff must be good. Lead the way, umm….. Maria.”

 

The cameraman watches the two walk off, and turns, spotting Silent halfway down the hall, quickly jogging to catch up.

 

King: What the hell is this, Edwin? Your world champ is so afraid that he has to lead Silent through the bak hallways, so filled with nutballs that there is, in fact, some slight, almost non-existant chance of an unforeseen act of stupidity possibly almost hurting Silent?

 

Axis: Big fan of the Silent one, King? Let’s face it, I don’t think this cowardly act is very fitting either, but CIA has been in some crazy matches recently, and I wouldn’t want to run into silent in a dark alley. Or in the middle of the day at a well lit police station, if he wanted to hurt me. He’d find a way.

 

Edwin: And besides, King, the rules of this matchup clearly allow for CIA to do just this. Aren’t you the one who always says it’s not cheating if they don’t catch you, and if it’s in the rules, even better?

 

King: Pfft, he’s just a wuss.

 

Edwin: A wuss, maybe. A man who wants to not lose his title to a man who will immediately leave for the greener pastures of the SWF? Absolutely. It’s not the bravest thing he’s ever done, but it may be among the smartest.

 

At the very least, Silent hasn’t inflicted any of his usual brand of punishment, and he does seem to be getting more disoriented by the moment. He turns around the corner just as the cameraman catches up to him, and comes face to face with the party from minutes ago, and he quickly rushes in amongst the celebrating masses. Shoving aside one man after the next, he finally lifts one fat roadie up from a chair, slapping him across the face. “Hey! Chubbs! Where’s the Canadian?”

 

The man, obviously very scared, points down the hallway. Silent turns and looks down the hall, eyes opening wide as he sees something. Finally, he turns back to the man, shoving him into his chair. “Thanks. What’s the party about, anyway?”

 

The frightened man points upwards, and Silent turns to look, beginning to shake with rage. The camera turns upwards, and finds a fluttering banner, proclaiming ‘Silent’s going away! Free beer!”

 

The cameraman turns, and Silent is now sprinting down the hallway to where he apparently saw CIA and the cameraman can’t keep up this time, slowing getting farther from Silent. The dark clad grappler turns around the corner, and a loud scream of rage erupts, Silent turning around and rushing down the hall the other way instead. The camera comes around the corner, catching two men and a barnyard animal. The cameraman almost speaks aloud to ask why Cutthroat is standing with a kangaroo in a wedding dress and Billy Gibbons, the lead singer of ZZ Top, but he thinks better of it, and he turns to follow silent once more, rushing down the hallway and catching up to Silent down the hall, once more threatening a backstage crewperson, this time a frightened young woman, who is pointing towards an open garage door, which leads to the staff parking outside the arena. Silent rushes out, and the cameraman follows close behind.

 

Wary of all the dangers now presented to him, Silent clutches the steel pipe he recovered close, and begins to creep into the dark, quiet lot. Finally, he comes almost halfway through the empty lot, and a static buzz can be heard in the distance. Silent follows the noise, and finds a TV set, and VCR awaiting him, a tape set atop, and a discarded hockey stick at the side. Angrily, Silent steps over to the TV, grabbing the tape and jamming it in the VCR, expecting another inane ‘Clue’. Instead, the moment the tape is in place, a loud crash is heard from far behind, garage door sliding down and closing. Silent seems very angry, but the TV behind him flickers to life, and he spins around, confronted with CIA’s smiling face once more.

 

“Whoops! Looks like you just got locked out, Silent. You know, I hate to disappoint the fans, but I just wasn’t up for this match. And besides, you need a proper sendoff. No less for any jackass who likes to break people’s necks, right? I wanted all these fans to say goodbye to you in a special way, my good man.”

 

Suddenly, the familiar beat of a comedy tune rings out through the TV, and it isn’t long before the fans in the arena are paraphrasing Dennis Leary slightly, singing about Silent being an asshole. CIA seems to be chuckling, and he turns to the tv, raising the steel pipe in his hand overhead. CIA is smiling, but the image quickly raises both hands in defense, as if the Canadian had predicted just how all this would play out. “Hey, hey, wait! I got a couple quick things to say, first, Silent. Hey, enjoy the WF, better they deal with you than me. Number two, I’m getting into the ring as you listen to this, so you’ll be counted out in just about…. Ten seconds. And lastly, Gus, I’m REALLY sorry.”

 

The TV cuts to static, and Silent droops his shoulders, almost looking defeated for just a moment. The camera slowly begins marching back away from him, but Silent looks up, and steps towards Gus with a strange smile on his features. The camera cuts out, nothing but static, and after a few moments, the camera cuts back to ringside, showing the World Champ in center ring, belt held high overhead, celebrating as the fans are on their feet, cheering.

 

King: That is the ODDEST thing I have ever….

 

Edwin: And CIA retains, in this rather odd, and seemingly far too quick matchup. I do not know what to say. Except….

 

Axis: Let’s have a moment of Silence for Gus?

 

Edwin: Yeah, let’s do that.

 

The entire arena quiets, but King ruins it all, chortling.

 

Edwin: Is there a reason you’re ruining this moment of respect for a man who gave his health to appease a madman’s whim?

 

King: Uh-huh. Moment of Silence. Silent. Moment of Silence. Silent. Oh, c’mon, doesn’t anyone catch the irony?

 

Axis: *sigh* On that note, this rather… disappointing main event, and another edition of SJL Wrath, coems to an end. Be sure to tune in next week. After all, we wouldn’t choke on a main event we promised two shows straight. We’re not WCW, circa 1999. Ladies and gentlemen, goodnight!

 

Thus, another night of action is over, albeit in the oddest possible way.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Results!

 

Dark Scorpion vs. Cutthroat

-Hey, guys, the arena is *this* way. Don't forget next time.

 

MVS d. John Cougar

-A good match from MVS, the second Window Pain effort in recorded history, but hey, Cougar? You made up some great stats, showed great promise, and looked to be a great addition to the league. WRITE A MATCH!

 

Fugue d. Thor, Kamikaze

-Fugue picks up some SJL gold, becoming what I believe is the last TV champion for some time, as the belt is slated to be suspended. And he does it of his own...ahem...a-chord. I'm hilarious.

 

Thor d. Spike Jenkins

-Thor busts out a great promo between his two matches and a really solid match to replace his TV belt with some Euro gold, but here's my question: Spike, if you have time to flame on the boards, and time to talk about how Nidia is hot on the WWE boards, why don't you have time to write a match to defend your title? Sigh. Write next time.

 

"The Franchise" Mak Francis d. Insane Luchadore

-IL gave it a shot, but Mak prevailed, setting up a match with some pretty fine immediate history, as you'll see...

 

CIA d. Silent

-The Canadian holds on to his world title by unorthodox means. CIA rocks for getting something in to me despite not having much time at all this weekend. Give it a read, as many a giggle and a few cleverly satisfied grins are to be found inside.

 

As advertised, LDP should have a Crimson card up within a couple hours. Don't wait up for it, but PM him if you have requests for booking.