What's the most vicious, evil beating imaginable?

[Guest Tyler McClelland]

Post your thoughts below. I need one.

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Gang-rape fuckings with a knife.

 

Damn, that's sick.

 

- Mike Van Siclen.

[Guest HollywoodSpikeJenkins]

Gang-rape fuckings with a knife.

 

Damn, that's sick.

 

- Mike Van Siclen.

You......Have.......Problems.

[Guest Kibagami]

I second Spike's detailed analysis.

 

That boy ain't right.

 

S.

[Guest Tod deKindes]

The most vicious, evil, sick and downright disturbing and embarrassing beatdown ever devised?

 

Being beaten by Cutthroat.

 

Which is an oxymoron in itself.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Cornered in a parking garage, one light swinging, and a handful of shadowy figures bearing down. Tire irons, clobbering, put through a windshield...and then, for a little Brian DePalma touch, thrown into an elevator...assailants press "LOBBY" button, and the elevator car arrives with a DING and a rather limp figure inside. STYLE POINTZ.

[Guest 5_moves_of_doom]

...hanging by your balls above a scalding pit of boiling water filled with paranahs while your arms are torn off and you're mercilessly beaten with your own limbs as jolts of electricity surge through you and Spice Girl's "Wannabe" plays in the background. Did I mention that a soothing, cold CocaCola is held just out of your reach, and naked pictures of Barbera Streisand flash across a large screen just in front of you? And not to mention the constant knowledge that Jay Dawg merely exists manifesting your poor, vulnerable mind. And a fiery prod is jammed up your ass while tiny fairies pull out your nose hairs and gouge at your eyes with rolled up newspapers. And you're constantly shot at with pellet guns while a loud screeching noise pierces at your ear drums and your tongue is tugged at by a set of pliers. Oh, and I almost forgot the mutated electric eels going up your penis while...ok...I'm done ranting.

[Guest CED Ordonez]

I'm gonna break your legs with a baseball bat then I'm gonna render your arms useless by repeatedly stabbing them with minty toothpicks. Once your defenseless I'm gonna repeatedly legdrop you as Derringer's "Real American" loops until you pass out from pain, embarrassment and/or laughing really hard.

 

Suddenly I'm remembering what that Sprockets German Dating Game skit on SNL with Jason Priestly and Phil Hartman in drag. You know, what Phil says about what he'd do on a date.

[Guest HollywoodSpikeJenkins]

...hanging by your balls above a scalding pit of boiling water filled with paranahs while your arms are torn off and you're mercilessly beaten with your own limbs as jolts of electricity surge through you and Spice Girl's "Wannabe" plays in the background. Did I mention that a soothing, cold CocaCola is held just out of your reach, and naked pictures of Barbera Streisand flash across a large screen just in front of you? And not to mention the constant knowledge that Jay Dawg merely exists manifesting your poor, vulnerable mind. And a fiery prod is jammed up your ass while tiny fairies pull out your nose hairs and gouge at your eyes with rolled up newspapers. And you're constantly shot at with pellet guns while a loud screeching noise pierces at your ear drums and your tongue is tugged at by a set of pliers. Oh, and I almost forgot the mutated electric eels going up your penis while...ok...I'm done ranting.

* Ding * Ding * Ding *

 

 

 

We have us a winner.

[Guest Smeghead]

Being tied to a chair, placed in front of a TV, and forced to watch Facts of Life reruns nonstop.

 

Oh wait...you said non-fatal. That won't work then.

[Guest hhh6294]

The most brutal beating of all time...

 

...being jumped by JD when he's horny.

 

...eih?

[Guest Beingz0wningj00]

You guys are all on my fucking shitlist now