The Update Of News

[Guest SuicidalAfterBash91]

Here I am, after getting about as much response as a Shawn Stasiak match I'm here to pollute your minds...and maybe reel off a few Scott Hall jokes while I'm there.

 

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An update on the Roster Split, which has been scheduled for...um...anytime before Big Kev learns to work. The A team will have Raw, the Bs Smackdown. The B team will be largely cruiserweights and the fed will be more wrestling based rather than Crash TV. So, we all know which one we'll be watching then.

 

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Triple H has been looking for more high profile movie and acting jobs. He was scheduled to be in Godzilla 2: Son Of Rikishi but didn't want to 'job' to the monster. "If I can go over a deadman then, hell, I don't see why this should be any different" quipped Tripper. He was fired after no-selling being eaten

 

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RAW ratings soared after the nWo Invasion. Numbers were up a whole .1...damn, when people told me Hogan could still draw I was a little sceptical but now...

 

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nWo merchandise sale is apparently 'through the roof' as printed "Got Coke?" T-Shirts have outdone "Austin 3:16" and "Chuck & Billy: Just Good Fuc...Friends" merchandise

 

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Anyone thinking that WMX8 build up will be a horrible rushed affair is right. The Rock will be back only a few days before the show...there's commitment Big Kev would be proud of.

 

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Ric Flair vs Undertaker for WMX8. Oh man...what year is it? The WWF seems to be in a permanent time warp. Rumours that Lou Thesz will take the IC strap on Raw, using Mr Fuji's salt for the win are probably untrue.

 

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Chyna will appear in Terminator Three. She will befriend Terminator as the 'Plastic Woman Of Doom'.

 

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Austin vs Hall at WMX8 as well as Tazz/Spike vs APA. Considering last WrestleMania gave us TLCII it shows just how badly the tag divison has suffered.

 

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Bret Hart will leave the WWA after Revolutuion, where his nonsensical-promo-making duties will be almost irreplacible.

 

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Vampiro has now left XPW for XWF. Oh man. Just...he left a place where no one can wrestle for a place where no one can use the toliets without home help. Please, WWF, pick up on this tragedy before Duggan v Vamp!

 

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Kane/Kurt Angle on Smackdown...the ending was re-done after Kane blew a spot horribly ruining the ending. Since the famous 'on the knees Diamond Cutter' bump, Kane has never been the same.

 

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nWo payed for their own limo to Smackdown. Yeah, that's nice Scott but once Mr McMahon find your *ahem* stash...this is unlikely to save you.

 

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Kevin Nash could be used as a concession stand seller at WMX8, where he will cry "Hey Yo, Get Some Burritos". This would probably generate more revenue than having him squash some guy to make an example of him...all people with a proper moveset will die .

 

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That's me done. Please reply even to say it sucked because I'd like to know if I should stop!

[Guest DubWiser]

Don't stop. Even badly constructed fake news items are fun.

 

Watch:

 

As you all know, the money match at this year's Wrestlemania is "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan vs The Rock. When asked in an interview how it felt to have to shoulder the responsibility of carrying a mediocre worker and  B-Movie star through a match at the biggest show of the year, Hogan replied that he wasn't worried.

 

//Oh yeah