WHAT I WROTE FOR THE DVDVR #138

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

EIGHTEEN HOURS OF WRESTLING REVIEWED - (PART ONE)

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

[This is stuff I wrote over a few weeks so gear up for anachronistic references.] I'm off this week so I'm actually in charge of the two older hellions while the wife watches the youngest hellion. I also have three tapes from the beloved Phil Schneider - tapes with matches that he and Tom k have fawned over and rambled at length to anyone at an indie show that had the fortune of sitting next to them or if you were the lucky soul who got to listen to them expound at length while you were driving them to an indie show for 8 hours. I'm also making tapes for Chris Trimborn - as he is the TRUE CONNECTION to the world of pro wrestling - and Doug Tilley - as he is the TRUE CONNECTION to Canadian Football. So it will veer wildly depending on what I'm doing and when I'm actually in front of my TV. Right now, I'm gonna review this Dr Wagner vs Atlantis match and then go take the kids to go see the Powerpuff Girls movie.

 

DR WAGNER vs ATLANTIS - CMLL (1/29/2002)

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

This was fun Wagner and Atlantis start out by punching each other in the face, with Atlantis going on offense with a kneedrop. Wagner takes out his knee but can't follow up and Atlantis counters with a standing Frankensteiner into a roll-up sequence for the first fall. Atlantis stays on offense in the second caida with the Quebradora and the dropkicks until Wagner pokes him in the eyes or something and does the Russian Legsweep into an Octapus hold. Atlantis monkey flips into his comeback but Atlantis can't lariat Doc so Doc hits the nodawa into a Tigerdriver for the second caida. Between caidas, Doc puts a booger on a fans chair. Atlantis is enraged and they start fighting on the floor. They get to the ring and start trying to unmask each other - with Doc getting the worst of it, as one can tell he has one of those thin beards up to his thin sideburns like the soundman for Sawyer Brown or something. OR maybe it's like a Johnny Paycheck beard. If that's the case, it adds a whole new realm of crazy to Wagner's legend - propelling him past La Parka in the hearts of all true believers. Atlantis hits the FAT ASS tope and Doc begins bumping like a KING for Atlantis - first with the toprope armdrag which all true wrestling fans love and the toprope missile dropkick. Doc escapes with a Rydeen Bomb to slowdown the afire Atlantis. Doc's evil henchman hands Doc the sledgehammer (one can wonder if he will start handing Doc a syringe chockfull of steroids to complete the ode to HHH) but the ref keeps Doc from smashing Atlantis (no doubt) pretty face and Atlantis chases Doc's thug around the ring until he gets back in to face the fury of doc! BUT ATLANTIS COUNTERS! and then Doc counters! And then Atlantis counters! AND DOC COUNTERS! WE ARE AT A STALEMATE IN ARENA MEXICO! So they grab each other's mask and yank them off for double DQ. Atlantis is the most underrated technico in CMLL. Wagner rox. This match gets a full Worldwide point.

 

Oop! I still got time before the 1:15 showing and the Lucha I'm taping for young Doug is still rolling. WHOA! Pierroth's gang of Puerto Rican stereotypes! Mexico! More racist than anywhere except maybe Japan! It is a great stable and who am I to judge the arbitrary hatred between the Latin peoples of the world?

 

VILLANO 3/ VILLANO 4/ VILLANO 5/ a much thinner MR NIEBLA vs El VENENO/KILLER/ PODER BORICUA/ GRAN MARKUS: First fall must have been edited because it's gone in 30 seconds. Veneno does the heavy lifting but this is all to set up the FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING GREAT Gran Markus turns on Puerto Rico and reverts to his love of Mother Mexico and gets the ring-equivalent of a Columbian Necktie. Pierroth is now my favorite guy on the stick that I cannot understand the language he is speaking. Why do they do EVERY angle right in Mexico?

 

ULTIMO GUERRERRO/ TARZAN BOY/ BLACK TIGER vs. SHOCKER/ NEGRO CASAS/ BRAZO DE PLATA: Ultimo Guerrerro drives a VW Wagon? My friend Ceci drives a VW Wagon but she has two kids. I'm not sure how good her Quebrada is. BT is pissed because somebody isn't showing up so he hops in a cab. Okay, we'll just have a match then. Tarzan Boy fights like a motherfucker. He and UG pummel Shocker as BT lariats Casas in the corner. The ring is cleared and the evil former Infernales are standing tall! Until Shocker comes back in lariats everyone. Brazo belly bucks everyone until Tarzan Boy bodyslams Brazo (Does he get $10,000 or something?) but Brazo does the strong man benchpress kick out with two guys on him. Shocker makes Tarzan Boy submit to the Spinning Back Excruciation. Second Caida is Ultimo Guerrerra and Negro Casas working as stiff as Casas has always demanded and why Casas is such a great luchadore. Plus he whips out the best punches in Mexico. Black Tiger and Super Porky do Brazo By Numbers and it got old in 1997. Tarzan Boy and Shocker opt to just fucking rip it up with the kicks right to the motherfucking face and the armdrags. Shocker and UG get in and UG crushes Shocker with the corner lariat before making Casas give it up with the suitably fabulous Ground Abdominal Stretch With Added Leg in Torture Rack. Porky succumbs to a double vertical suplex and Shocker submits to Black Tigers Crippler Crossface. Third Caida, Shocker and BT bring the love as Shocker comes in with the beautiful Slingshot elbow drop. Tarzan Boy can no longer body slam Brazo and it allows Casas to get on offense. Tarzan Boy and Casas are not afraid to BRING THE STIFF and it's fucking beautiful. UG CAN body slam Brazo but can't hit him with a toprope senton. BT and Porky do more crappy Porky spots but it leads up to Tarzan Boy and Shocker in the ring again and it fucking rules. Shocker with the bulldog to the floor. Porky is really fat. Shocker hits the BEAUTIFUL Flying Crossbody and then Rey Buccanero runs and starts beating the fudge out of Shocker. Tarzan Boy joins in and I'm assuming that that was who they were going to pick up in the VW Wagon. Rudo assbeat on Shocker commences and another fine fine CMLL match is in the books. Tarzan Boy is fucking awesome. Shocker is fucking awesome.

 

Let me go to the movies. Back with more later... EIGHTEEN HOURS OF WRESTLING REVIEWED - (PART TWO)

NEW JAPAN WPW- 4/13/2002

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

Pancrase ads look so much cooler when juxtaposed next the reverse window box of the New Japan on ESPN Japan. They look like Drive-In theatre trailers. Hiro Saito carries a rookie to a watchable affair - as the ESPN show is not afraid to show developmental matches of the pikers, so it's quite the mixed bag to get to the non-Inoki ruined sections of New Japan these days. There are many nearfalls and plenty of fighting spirit to go around. Hiro clings to his Senton as a finisher as the rest of us decide to get on with our lives. Tatsutoshi Goto has exciting new pants and it's good to see him up and about, much less in the ring. He and young Inoue have an odd match. Inoue works all US heel with the basic offense and the corner elbow strikes and the rope-assist on tag attempts. Goto hits a nice Backdrop at 5 minutes

to end the Smackdown styled match. I await the meat of the card.

 

Minoru Tanaka/ El Samurai/Kakihara/Naruse/ Jushin Thunder Lyger vs THE GREATEST HEEL 10-MAN EVER: Gedo/ Jado/ BLACK MOTHERFUCKING TIGER/ EDDY MOTHERFUCKING GUERRERRO/ KOJI MOTHERFUCKING KANEMOTO:

Gedo and Tanaka start off and I'm trying to figure out if this is 2 out of 3 or an Elimination match. Either way, Minoru gets the flying Cross Armbreaker 30 seconds in for the first fall. Gedo and Minoru start back and Gedo and they start eventually start beating on Kanemoto - as El hits the assisted Old Man Tope that he follows up with punches directly to the face. Kakihara tags in and gets trapped in the corner with BT throwing the best punches of the match. Eddy and Silver King trade slingshot Sentons and you wet your pants with joy. Jado starts kicking him and they all browbeat Kaki in the corner. Naruse makes the hot tag and does these Ronnie Garvin punches to the chest on Jado. Naruse goes for the choke and Eddy and Gedo stomp him down and they drag him into the corner and give him the business. Kanemoto tags in and starts punching him in the face. Naruse drives Gedo into the face corner and they un-facishly start ripping at his face. They all take turns double dropkicking Gedo in the face as Lyger Camel Clutches him. Kakihara hits the Vertical Suplex as they seem to be channelling a Stud Stable vs the Armstrongs 10 man. Eddy hits the apron Fistdrop to Kaki's head and he and Silver King start working on his leg. BT hits the fabulous Superkick but Kaki DDTs out of a Quebradora and Lyger tags is only to get cut off by Kanemoto. BT, Eddy and Gedo post young Lyger's groin into the post. Koji starts busting up Lyger's leg and Eddy is awesome putting on the Screaming For Hatred Figure Four. The heels do the GREAT thing of circling the submission to keep the faces out all the while continuously smacking the ref in the back of the head to get him to ASK HIM! ASK HIM! This fucking rules. Eddy is hell on earth on Lyger's knee as he tags in BT who hooks in a kneebar. Eddy cheats like a motherfucker and is AWWWWWESOME cursing at the ref and the crowd. Lyger gets the desperation shotay but Eddy fucking rules it by dropkicking his knee to cut him off. Koji and Lyger battle it out in the middle over the suplex. Lyger wins the struggle but can't get Kanemoto up and over. Koji knees him in the fucking head and but misses the moonsault and Lyger finally makes the tag. El Samurai is all afire- taking on BT and is giving him the biz with the DDT. BT catches El off the top with a dropkick and Silver king then does the FABULOUS Mortal into a Dropkick to the face. Eddy comes in and whips El right into the fat ass kicking leg of Koji Kanemoto. Eddy with a fabulous Brainbuster and recovery of a missed Love Machine Splash but El catches him with a Scorpion Deathdrop to escape and tag Kakihara. Kaki KILLS Eddy with a side flying kick to the head that Eddy leans into like a KING. Jado and Minoru tag in and Minoru hits his neato dropkick sequence for two, but Koji Kanemoto makes the save by beating the living dogpiss out of Minoru. Minoru gets a heelhook on Jado and all hell breaks loose as Jado reverses it into a Crippler Crossface. Giant face stompdown saves Minoru but Jado hits a Superplex. Minoru rolls out of the ring and they do the lucha sequence of everybody hitting a big spot on whoever is in the ring with Minoru hitting the missile dropkick and also setting himself up for Jado to reapply the Crossface to get the second fall. The third fall opens with Lyger hitting Quebradoras on Gedo and Eddy. Naruse tags in and Jado works him over - cutting off the ring and tagging in the fresh man and everything. Naruse makes a comeback with his ode to Garvin punches on Kanemoto. They kick each other in the head and Koji is first up with a Boston Crab. He then hits a Moonsault but the faces make the save. Gedo goes for a moonsault but Naruse gets his knees up and tags Minoru. Minoru and Gedo counter out of some standing switches until Gedo grabs the ref and simultaneously crushes Tanaka's testicles for two. They throw Tanaka into the corner and hit some lariats and Jado, Gedo and Koji Superplex him off the top. After a kick out, Jado hits a Lyger Bomb to set up Gedo's Frogsplash for the win. This match was motherfucking great.

 

Manabu Nakanishi has a cute new haircut. His match is interrupted by a hurricane warning. Dan Devine looks like Richard Chamberlain on steroids now. The match sucked up to the break away to the Osaka Doppler Radar Weather Center- and it won't Manabu's fault. I'm glad he won.

 

Yuji Nagata/ Osamu Nishimura vs. Tadao Yasuda/ Yutaka Yoshie

God knows I hate Yoshie. I love Nagata and Nishimura. I got no beef with Yusuda. It's not his fault that he was overpushed. Anyhoos, Nishimura and Yoshie hit the mat early, as this will be Old School Nishimura's match. Nagata and Yusuda start off all shooty but get in the old School Slow Build Groove. Yoshie and Nagata start from an armbar and then a knucklelock until Yoshie's power kicks in. Nagata counters with some stiff kicks. He tags in Nishimura and he and Yoshie do a whole knucklelock dealy. Yasuda tags in and starts kneeing in the side and THEY do a whole knucklelock into a bridge thingy. Osamu hits the Keylock and it is 1974 all over again. Nagata comes in with the suplexes and big kicks. Yoshie tags in and does some decent fat guy matwork. Nagata hits the big boot to the face while Yoshie is in the corner and cinches in a toe hold. Yoshie escapes and it's kicks vs forearms. Nishimura tries to do

something with Yoshie- who has gone into "complete load" phase of his game. Yasuda comes in and it picks up as he suplexes Nagata and Nagata kicks him a bunch. Nagata salutes into a Nagata lock until Yoshie makes the save. Yasuda bulls out of a suplex and kicks Nagata in the chest before procuring the Rear Naked Choke until Nishimura makes the save. Tiger Driver into a side choke by Yasuda and I'm wondering why folks give Yasuda such a ration of shit. Sleeper Hold reversed into a Anklle thing and Yoshie kick nagata back into another Sleeper. Nishimura makes the save and Nagata does a big jumpy kick to the head and gets a Cross Armbreaker. Yasuda bulls into a Triangle Hold and.... A WEATHER UPDATE! Yesssssssss! When we return Nishimura has busted out a Backslide for two on Yasuda. Nagata gets to kicking Yasuda. nagata hits a rear naked choke and it GOES FUCKING BROADWAY!>!>!>! Well. Who saw THAT coming? This wasn't very good, but Yoshie forgot to suck for most of it and Yasuda was actually dynamic in this. It was just listless and didn't build to much. Kinda like wrestling in a vacuum, all the action of wrestling without the psychology of wrestling. Well, there was psychological implications between Yasuda and Nagata, so it didn't actually suck. But there wasn't enough of a match to stretch out to 30 minutes. The weather update should have killed SOME of the dead time. But it didn't.

 

Giant Silva/ Giant Singh vs. Scott Norton/ Super J

Okay, I understand now. If more of the last match means less of this match, then I guess that's fine. I'll watch this for you. That's not good.... Silva is definately better than Singh.... that's not good..... and that's not good.... THERE. You all owe me a quarter. That sucked it. Actually, Super J turning on Norton was surprising. There is your highlight.

 

I'm gonna watch the Simpsons and some fireworks.

 

~!~

EIGHTEEN HOURS OF WRESTLING REVIEWED - (PART THREE)

GAEA - February 2002

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

Meiko Satomura vs. Aya Sakurai

"Mieko, I hear there is someone new in GAEA." and the kick misses Aya's face. "I hear she is prettier than you." as she cinches in the headlock. "Your old news, you coddled bitch." and dropkick and after dropkick hits Mieko in the chest. "You shut your white trash mouth, Aya, or I will beat the living dogshit out of you" and the counter moves into the headlock. "Fuck you, Mieko. She is better than you in every way." Elbows of hatred bounce off Meiko's chest. "Her chest is bigger and she has prettier hair" and the head scissors constricts on Meiko's throat. "All the boys will talk to her and not even look at your boyish face." A punch to the face and a reversal. "Shut up, you whore! I don't care about her and how pretty she is. I'm the best and now I'm REALLY going to kick your motherfucking ass." The headlock is reversed as Meiko lands on her head. "Sure, you'll beat me NOW but I'll be there after Ayako gets here and crushes your spirit. How will hide when she takes everything you've fought for? How will you have to fight me with as you cerawl in your pathetic shame?" A spin kick to Aya's face and a spinning elbow. "Now I'm just going to show your skank ass just how tough I am." The spin kick crushes Aya's head and the Triangle hold almost chokes her out. "Not so fast, my pampered little princess." The reversal and the missile dropkick and the nodawa has Meiko reeling. "No, little girl. I am the best and you know I am the best" and a spinning kick hits Aya as Aya flies off the ropes. " You are the best for now, but she is a spy in the house of your mind- she crops up as you try to fight me. You are already weak and beaten by her" and the Crucifix keeps Meiko down. "I could beat you with a tenth of my mind working" but Aya avoids the Death Valley Driver. "I am your Angel Of Motherfucking DEATH, welcome to your fate" and the Triangle hold chokes Aya out. "Shake my hand and act like you like me, you motherless tramp."

 

Carlos Amano vs. Toshie Uematsu

Uematsu is all about the Memphis punches. Amano is about choking folks with a scarf in this. Amano hits some underhook suplexes and an avalanche. The fun starts when Uematsu goes for the toprope Wrist-Clutch Suplex that Amano flies off the top to counter into a falling Crossarmbreaker. They fight for the Dragon and the tiger. Uematsu's leopard print pants make her look like a 50s burlesque cocktail waitress and a roll-up finishes her off.

 

Carlos Amano vs. Sakura Hirota

Hirota dresses like an Olympic skater and this goes about 7 minutes.

 

Meiko Satomura/ Chikayo Nagashima vs. Chigusa Nagoya/ Aja Kong

Meiko and Chigusa start off by kicking each other going into roll-ups into trading kneebars. Aja tags in and starts wrenching Meiko's arm, Mieko fires back with forearms and Aja sells them like Meiko has a few wions over her. Nagashima and Aja work really well against each other because Aja always feels like there is a need to put on a selling clinic when in with the diminutive Nagashima. Chigusa is born anew with the trimmer figure and active kicking offense. Nagashim and Mieko get Chigusa in some trouble and do some toprope stomps to set up Nagashima to try to get the pin. Aja is fucking brilliant because she drags Chikayo off of Chigusa and half way out of the ring, filled with contempt, to tell the subtext of the story - Aja and Nagashima's history is more importat to her in this match than her storied history with Satomura. Thus it settles into an almost lucha construction of a well-defined pairing with the tag match. not that the Aja vs meiko sections are skull-splitting in their harrowing horror. Aja sells for Nagashima and always tries to prove her versatility as a wrestler when they are in together. Aja and Meiko in the ring is one-dimensional assbeating and Aja is the absolute MASTER at that aspect. The wild thing is that Chigusa spectacularly breaks up Satomura's Shining Wizard on Aja with a beautiful dropkick, all leading up to the first section of Nagashima vs Chigusa. They counter some powerbomb attempts and they collapse into a reverse Frankensteiner by Nagashima into a roll-up FOR THE PIN OVER CHIGUSA. Awesome. Run this fued forever.

 

Akira Hokuto/ Chigusa Nagoya vs. Mayumi Ozaki/ KAORU

They join this as Oz and KAORU are beating Chigusa with boards and poles. KAORU hits a pretty moonsault and OZ follows up with a cuddly Toprope Rolling Senton. Chigusa breaks Oz's bake to get on offense and tags in the divine Hokuto- who looks to be playing out the string until her retirement two months from this point. Chigusa's Fame-asser in really cool and gets her team into their comeback until Oz cuts them off with her Urican flurry. KAORU and Hokuto fuck up a rana but brings back flashes of THEIR mindblowing feud as KAORU starts just killing Hokuto with Excaliburs. Errant urican by Oz get Chigusa's side on offense for a moment and KAORU blows some more stuff. Chigusa is the anvil and Hokuto is the hammer in their Doomsday Device and KAORU makes up for earlier sloppiness by taking the Doomsday Device like a CHAMP and make it look like the finisher that it was.

 

Akira Hokuto/ Mima Shimoda/ Etsuko Mita vs. Mayumi Ozaki/ Dynamite Kansai/ Toshiyo Yamada

Kansai starts beating folks asses before the streamers can even reach the ring. It's a great visual as a sea of black streamers for Hokuto had engulfed the ring and it looks six ladies fighting to escape a tarpit. Mita, Shimoda and Hokuto are distaff Kaientai Deluxe - being just the coolest in their complete evil- down to getting Kansai in the Togo Pose position with Hokuto assuming the Togo spot and giving Kansai the pignose. The middle of the match is all these odd Lucha comedy spot variations: Stereo Romero Specials, The Indian Deathlock Star. And always with the biting. Then they have a LCO 2002 highspot train. Hokuto pulls out of the madcap lucha stylings with a dangerous angle Lyger Driver on Oz and then the toprope Superplex. And then a German and then the Reverse Northern Lights Bomb. Kansai returns the hellishness by crushing Hokuto with a Backdrop Driver and Hokuto sells it like she is dead. KAORU makes a run-in with a board but misses Hokuto and hits Oz, allowing Hokuto to hit a fucking NASTY Northern Lights Bomb and the winning streak to retirement continues. The fact the she could definately keep wrestling for 10 more years and be just as effective as Stan Hansen into middle age, but I'm old now and I know that it is five times tougher to be a mother than a father if you are going to raise your kids correctly, so hats off to Hokuto for having priorities.

 

~!~

 

JOSHI 100 (v.3.0) DEBRIEFING - PART ONE

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

Since we got in a jillion tapes for the latest Joshi 100 update (Jon Burr and Chris Trimborn are the motherfucking KINGS!), we didn't want to just leave them as a number on a list and let it go unannotated. I will now try to mini-review as many of these matches as I can. I will delete the matches that have been expouned upon already or have absolutely no recollection of.

 

AZUMI HYUGA vs. POLICEWOMAN - Osaka Pro (1/30/02)

Tom K thought that we should push Policewoman up the list just because she had the fabulous junk in the trunk - and GOD HELP ME, SHE DOES! It's actually the suddenly "beloved by all who see her" Miyazaki from JWP. She rocks it without the mask and is kinda inexplicable as to what this gimmick is. Azumi is on fumes here - as she wrestles in every promotion in the entire world. Azumi on auto-pilot is still a-plenty to make this a perfectly acceptable wrestling match. Miyazaki is better hoodless but this isn't bad in it's indie scumminess.

 

REINA de REINAS: MARTHA VILLALOBOS/MUJER DEMENTE/MISS JANAETH/HECHICERA LA CHOLA/ IFANNY/CINTHIA MORENO/ESTHER MORENO/LADY APACHE/ LADY RABBIT/ ESTRELLITA/ FUGITIVA - AAA (3/26/02) One-Fall Elimination Match - AAA

This was a Nitro match if Nitro had hired a lot lesser luchadores than they did - but the concept is the same "high spots, a little perfunctory roperunning, high spot train, a few comedy spots, take it home." Lady Apache rocks and rules in this - as does the Moreno sisters. Everybody else goes from perfectly acceptable (Tiffany, Janeth) to nearly acceptable (Martha Villalobos - who is sooo close to replacing Kyoko Inoue in the mandatory Refridgerator-Sized Woman Who Wrestles spot on the list; Estrellita) to the Lady Rabbit level of poopiness.

 

REINA de REINAS FINAL: MARTHA VILLALOBOS vs. MISS JANETH vs. ESTHER MORENO vs. LADY APACHE - AAA (3/26/02)

Lady Apache bumps like a freak to get Martha over in this match. This was actually pretty good for a Villalobos-based match- who is immobile as ever, but picked it up as much as she could because Lady Apache was pushing her as hard as she could. The ending was baffling and stupid with AAA sending in the refs to fistfight in between run-in after run-in- all without having the COURTESY of having it all be AAAly weird and GAY while being crappy and stupid.

 

GeeStar vs Amber Holly - Carolina (4/5/02)

Both of these gals continue to improve with the psychology of their matches - as anyone who hangs around with the Master Of Wrestling Psychology - the Gemini Kid- would do. Their execution is still super indie at this point and they blow too much stuff, but that is easier to fix than a lack of ability to sell- which don't need fixin here.

 

GeeStar vs. Nicole Starr - Carolina (4/6/02)

I think this was Nicole Starr's first match and the fact that I didn't shutter and collapse in a heap means that GeeStar can actually carry someone.

 

El Bronco/ Sexie Marie vs. La Tigresa/ Muhammed Musaeed - WWC (2/5/2002)

This match was universally reviled by all who veiwed it. Being that we are PR-style Lovers from the word go, it baffled me as to why this was so unloved. La Tigressa wasn't bad. Sexie Marie on the other hand wasn't even sexy.

 

ARSION 2/2002

Rena Takase/Yu Yamagata vs. Mima Shimoda/ Etsuko Mita

I love Rena Takase and Yu Yamagata. I'm glad Yu Yamagata resurfaced after being kicked out of ARSION for being unpopular. She can fucking wrestle so she should have a job wrestling. Anyway, the LCO couldn't get up for the Akira Hokuto LCO reunion match so fuck if they were going to be anything worth watching in this.

 

AZUMI HYUGA vs. BIONIC J

Bionic J is so unjustly maligned. She will bump like a freak and take a beating while selling more than anyone else her size who isn't Aja Kong. Azumi is on fire so this was a decent slab of the professional wrestling.

 

FABY APACHE vs. AKINO

This match is a jewel. Faby is all slick and her lucha offense is all tricked-out and cool. She decided to follow her father's lead and realized that working stiffer is working better. Her lucha-cum-puro matwork was fun- especially when working off the suddenly super-inspired AKINO/NOKI-A.

 

GAMI/ RIE TAMADA vs. MICHIKO OMUKAI/ AI FUJITA

GAMI is no longer annoying and is having some really good matches these days. I love Rie Tamada- so this match actually lifts itself over the eternal liability that ARSION calls Michiko Omukai. Ai Fujita looks fucking great in this and makes up for her fellow Cyber-Junk looking lost 50% of the time.

 

LIONNESS ASKA vs. MARIKO YOSHIDA

Phil Schneider - Lionness mark from way back inna day - hated this match so much that he couldn't watch wrestling for three days. I thought it was a bit disappointing also.

 

ARSION 5/11/2002

Reina Takase/ Kaori Yoneyama vs. Mika Nishio/ Saki Maemura vs. Maru / Chitose Yamamoto vs. Mari Kuwata/ Mako Ogawa

This was an early favorite match of mine because we could say "They are definately on because we SAW them!" Luckily, all of these but Chitose Yamamoto showed up elsewhere in the Tape Scouring to further delinate there placement because this match is in actuality 2:00 minutes of highlights of dropkicks. I wouldn't be able to pick out Chitose Yamamoto in a line-up. I confess... I coooonfess... mylife'snotoverpleasegetoutIknowI'mshoutingIliketoshout!

 

BABY A vs. LADY PENTAGON

This was mask vs mask. I don't know why Lady Pentagon is so universally reviled in the DVDVR Joshi 100 Chanber. She is a really good rudo and her offense is pretty fricking high end. She rudoed like a motherfucker for the Most Adorable Spot-Machine On Earth. The only thing that pissed me off is that they don't announce Lady Pentagon's name after she is unmasked. And who clips a mask vs mask match? The FUCK?

 

ARSION 5/2002

MOMOE NAKANISHI vs. AKINO

The Momoe In ARSION matches were fucking great. I think my assorted problems with the lil fireplug from AJW leaves when she leaves the confines of the AJW style. When she was in with Ai Fujita- and Noki-A here, the submission base of the matches transcend the hour-long two-count marathons she would have if left to her own devices. She should jump. She rocked against any and all ARSION.

 

MARIKO YOSHIDA /GAMI/ HIROSHI OGAWA vs. YUMIKO HOTTA/ NANAE TAKAHASHI

I used to love Yumiko Hotta back in the olden days. She was all intense and stiff and would get really fired up for matches. Here, it's like she's Jimmy Hart and Hiroshi Ogawa is Man Cow- but with Man Cow owning a Joshi promotion. What a complete waste of a kick ass match between Yoshida and vastly improved Nanae Takahashi.

 

MICHIKO OHMUKAI vs. LIONESS ASUKA

I wanted to like Ohmukai in this because she was really trying not to fuck everything up. Lioness was trying to make her look all lethal and shit. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.

 

AJW 4/28/2002

EAGLE SAWAI/TOMOKO WATANABE/TAKAKO INOUE vs. NANAE TAKAHASHI/KAYO NOUMI/ MIKA NISHIO

This was the best Tomoko Watanabe match of the time period. She carried the Sisters Of Thy Eternal Eating Disorder to a good match and made Nanae look all monstrous and deadly. I think many of us lost our love for Eagle in this match- though she wasn't horrendous or anything, she definately wasn't busting her big fat giant fat gigantic ass like in the time period before. Takako was wearing the Cowboy get-up that sent the Nagano Hand Emolient Corporation's stocks straight through the roof.

 

SAKI MAEMURA vs. AYAKO SATO

I'm assuming one of these two retired- as it seems that every rookie in AJW retired.

 

KAORU ITO vs. KUMIKO MAEKAWA

I know I watched this. My blind hatred of Maekawa at this point is blocking out all memory.

 

MANAMI TOYOTA vs. MIYUKI FUJII

See! Manami rules it in her decrepitude! Actually, Fujii has been vastly improved as of recently so that combined with the focused, more psychologically sound in the ring Toyota made for a good little wrestling match.

 

YUMIKO HOTTA/ MOMOE NAKANISHI vs. RIE TAMADA/ AI FUJITA

Hotta ruined everything this time period- including Momoe's peripheral forays into ARSIONia.

 

JWP 12/9/2001

KOBINO ISHIKAWA vs KORI YONEYAMA vs YUKA NAKAMURA

Kobino Ishikawa was the Darling of the Chamber of 100 this go round so she of course retired immediately. Yoneyama was a super fun little worker in JWP and in ARSION this go round. Yuka Nakamura I'm drawing a blank on.

 

CARLOS AMANO vs TSUBASA KURAGAKI

Tsubasa Kuragaki would have been the stand-out most improved of the time period if Noki-A, Azumi Hyuga, Nanae Takahashi and Misae Genki didn't have such a GIGANTOR six monthsish of wrestling. This match versus Carlos was all kindsa fun. Carlos fucking rocks once you get her closer to the top of the card and off the GAEA editing room floor.

 

COMMANDER BOIRSHOI vs KAYOKO HARUYAMA

Boirshoi in JWP is the only Boirshoi worth seeing- as she ditches the comedy routine and basically wrestles like she did when Hikari Fukuoka's reign was winding down- except with less of an underdog position and more of a wily veteran position. Kayoko Haruyama is one of my favorites- but it might be struggling pants typing.

 

MISAE GENKI vs RAN YUYU

This might have been my favorite match of the time period. Ran YuYu vs Azumi and Hirota/Chigusa vs OZ/KAORU probably edge this out, but it's like it wasn't from a JWP card but from a special edition of the Gorgeous Ladies Of BattlARTS. They REALLY beat the living dogshit out of each other and it is fucking great. YuYu counters a Spear with knee to the face and Genkie just fucking leans into it like a champ and you go, "HOLY FUCKING FUCK." And the forearm exchanges were like Ikeda vs Ishikawa 99. It's fucking harrowing.

 

GAMI vs AZUMI HYUGA

See, this match was a great acquittal of GAMI as a suck ass. This match is really good- as she and Azumi trade submissions before trying to destroy each other byraring back and wailing on each other. The spectacularness of the match preceding it overshadows it though and GAMI doesn't get the love she deserves because of it.

 

ARSION 3/19/2002

Faby Apache/ Mary Apache vs Mariko Yoshida/ Yuu Yamagata

This was fun. Mary is filled with New Mommy Hate and manifests itself with lariats that say, "I haven't slept so YOU DIE!" Faby was deeply in the Faby Zone of tricked out armdrags and I was filled with joyous joy of joy.

 

MOMOE NAKANISHI vs AI FUJITA

This wasn't as good as the Momoe vs Noki-A match but it was the same basic deal. Momoe adapts and masters a slight variation of her basic style and makes for better wrestling. Ai Fujita is fast becoming the meteoric superstar in every possible way (other than her comical hairstyle.)

 

ARSION 3/26/2002

MARIKO YOSHIDA vs NOKI-A

This was good but wasn't as good as I was expecting it to be- considering Yoshida is Yoshida and Noki-A was on such hot streak. I believe in the Chamber we were giving everybody one German Suplex to no-sell before we start dropping folks down the list. Luckily they stop at one. But that one sequence was enough to make this less than what it should have been.

 

ARSION 4/24/02

GAMI/ BIONIC J/ PIKO vs. Azumi Hyuga/ Ran Yu-Yu/ Tsubasa Kuragaki

This was fun but you want the Ran YuYu Main Eventing Version, the Azumi Hyuga Main Eventing Version, the Commander Boirshoi Straight-Up Wrestling Version and the GAMI Not Going Cheap Laffs Version. No no no and no.

 

Lioness Asuka/ Noki-A/ Faby Apache/ Mary Apache vs Michiko Omukai/ Rie Tamada/ Mariko Yoshida/ Baby A (Elimination Match)

This match rocks and was the best match of the time period before the Ran YuYu and the June GAEA showed up.

 

NEO 11/20/02

Yuki Miyazaki/Tanny Mouse vs Acute Sae/My Kitty

My Kitty is Acute Sae stuffed kitty (and she outworks Tanny Mouse! Thank you, Rev Ray! I will be stealing your jokes liberally the rest of my life!) This match lasts about 3 hours 47 minutes.

 

Chapparita ASARI /Yuka Shiina vs Hiromi Yagi/Marcela

Yagi wasn't filling me the special feeling she used to fill me with and Marcela is the best woman wrestler to ever come out of Big Japan. Oh yeah. Feel free to wait for the Shiina vs ASARI match which was actually memorable.

 

Ran Yu-Yu vs Yoshiko Tamura

The least of all the big Ran YuYu singles matches included in the canon for this time period.

 

Kyoko Inoue vs Lioness Asuka

When Lioness can't drag a good matchout of Kyoko anymore, it's time to hang up the multi-colored tights.

 

JWP 12/18/2001

Command Boirshoi vs Kaori Yoneyama

Boirshoi does like an Education and Discipline match with Yoneyama but to a level-headed, slight degree so it wasn't boring and stupid. Yoneyama is all spunky and Boirshoi guided her along. Perfectly fine.

 

Kayoko Haruyama/ Sumie Sakai vs Kobina Ishikawa/ Ran Maru

This has a game of tag in it. Yes. Yes it does. Child-Like Whimsey, please meet my fast forward button. (Actually, I HAD to watch this. It had the beloved Kobina "Acute Sae" Ishikawa AND pants-punishing Haruyama. It wasn't horrible at all.)

 

Yuki Miyazaki vs Tsubasa Kuragaki

This was really good and went a long way in the Herculean push that me, Scott and Tom gave Miyazaki up the list- only to be cut off by everybody else. Tom's heart had it's own reasons. Tsubasa is fucking great. Talk about being a really good bulky Luchadora mixed with fun Puro aspects...

 

Carlos Amano vs Ran Yu Yu

This was SUPER fun. Amano in full inspired submission mode. Ran YuYu beating her to within an inch of her life. What the fuck else could you want? Nothing. Trust me.

 

JWP 1/7/02

RAN YuYu vs AZUMI HYUGA

This fucking ruled. Azumi has hit a plateau that began with her ZION Tournament matches in ARSION last year. Here she is at her full powers, feeding off the hate and stiffness of Ran YuYu to make one of the better underdog versus ass-stomper matches you will see because Azumi is all about gathering up truly hideous offense and retaliating with it as a response to each flurry of ass-beating that YuYu unleashes. Maybe this was the best match of the time period. Azumi is fucking great in this. After this, I had Hyuga higher than YuYu and it took the sheer hellish ass-stomp of Genki vs YuYu to make me go along with YuYu higher than Azumi. Great fucking match.

 

NEO 12/7/01

JUNKO YAGI vs YURIYA

What happened to the Yagi of my youth that would have made this a good match? This match made my stomach hurt.

 

YUKI MIYAZAKI/ TANNY MOUSE vs. ACUTE SAE/ CHIAKI NISHI

This was the beginning of the My Kitty saga and it lasts twice as long as Once Upon A Time in The West. Tanny Mouse gives a plushtoy the business and it morphs into some sort of step-ladder match or something. It's really long. You should really reel the Tanny Mouse match in at 8 minutes- even it does have the darling of the DVDVR Acute Sae and the fabulous BUTT of Yuki Miyazaki.

 

CHAPPARITA ASARI vs YUKA SHIINA

I was oversold on this by Trocar Slosh Weasel in his post so I was not as blown away by this as I should have been. Fine matwork and I'm glad to actually see Shiina wrestle somewhere because the last time I saw her was wrestling for the WCW Women's Cruiserweight Title against Toshie Uematsue. I didn't make me forget about the existence of Johnny Saint or Blue Panther or anything, but good matwork nonetheless.

 

YOSHIKO TAMURA vs KYOKO INOUE vs LIONESS ASUKA vs MIMA SHIMODA vs MISAE GENKI vs RAN Yu-Yu

This match thoroughly rocks. Lioness is absolutely skullcrushing in this- bringing the ass-stomp like she is less and less of these days. Misae Genki is fun in this with the Highspots Built For Folk Far Smaller Than She Is highspots- as opposed to grim and beautiful Genki from the YuYu singles match. Kyoko is servicable at the end when she hits lariats but everything else she does in the match is a wash. Tamura is pretty savage and fabulous kneeing motherfuckers in the head in the corner.

 

KIRYOKU PRO 6/28/2002

QUEEN BEE vs TRINITY

Aw man, Trinity isn't good in this.

 

LEXY FYFE vs MERCEDES MARTINEZ

Lexy Fyfe looked better against Mighty Heidi and I'm not sold on Mercedes Martinez after this match and the first Martinez vs Sakai match. I GOT OVERSOLD ON HER! I BLAME RIPPA.

 

LITTLE JEANIE vs SUMIE SAKAI

This was a good match. I got absolutely no beef with Little Jeanie in this- as she went a little heelish and let Sumie be Sumie. Sumie Sakai is too much fun to be believed in her stateside respite.

 

ARSION 7/4/2002

RENA TAKASE vs. SAKI MAEMURA

All I really remember from this match is that Rena Takase gave AJW Rookie dropkick girl waaaaaay too much offense and made this 8 minute match seem like a 30 minute time limit draw.

 

MARY APACHE vs. FABY APACHE

This is good and neato. Faby is feeling it here and Mary kills her sister with a "You Drew All Over My Barbie With A Magic Marker When We Were 8" Lariat of painful painfulness. Faby does the Angel Azteca full rotation armdrag to make me weep loves easy tears.

 

BIONIC J/ TAYLOR MATHENY/ CHEERLEADER MELISSA vs. MARIKO YOSHIDA/ KAORI YONEYAMA/ Baby A

The Yoneyama rattelsnake gimmick is very odd. The evil Americans should have beaten everyone to death with chairs to get them over as crazed bitches unleashed on the island of Japan. Instead they get kinda persnickity and introduce themselves and flip off their opponents. If they wanted real heel heat in Japan, you do what Sugar and Nagashima did when they wrestled Tamura and Tamada in AJW - YOU FLIP OFF THE FANS. Either way, J/Melissa/ Taylor could be a pretty over stable if the develop the ring chops to hang in ARSION. Melissa looked the better of the two new Americans - as she traded shots with Yoshida and didn't look completely lost on the mat. Yoshida pretty much had wrestle for Taylor when she was in. The whole thing was promising though. It's good to get the All American gals in a Japanese ring and get them some seasoning.

 

RIE TAMADA vs. NANAE TAKAHASHI

Nanae is on such a roll. I like Rie Tamada so you can all go to hell and I liked her in this match- as she and Nanae traded Germans for a while and it was perfectly acceptable Professional Wrestling.

 

LIONESS ASUKA/ GAMI/ Noki-A vs. MICHIKO OHMUKAI

Noki-A gets mad at Ohmukai for accidentally hitting her a few times and turns on Ohmukai, so Lioness, GAMI and Noki-A just beat the hell out of Ohmukai for a really long time no apparent reason. I can't really figure out what it was supposed to accomplish. Isn't Ohmukai the heel in this? A waste of time.

 

GAEA 6/02

MAYUMI OZAKI/ KAORU vs.CHIGUSA NAGAYO/ SAKURA HIROTA

This was probably my favorite match of the time period. It was so Memphis. OZ and KAORU decide to put an end to Hirota the Funny Girl by ripping up her props, not being enchanted her comedy antics and by carving her up like a pumpkin on October 27th. Hirota hits a true 9 star gusher and responds by fighting like a motherfucker after withstanding a totally heat-soaked heat-segment- as OZ and KAORU beat the living dogshit out of her. Chigusa is enraged and fights like a motherfucker until Hirota can recover and show her fighting spirit. It's classic Southern Professional Wrestling and this match fucking rocked it. Hirota carried the match and fucking RULED in it.

 

CHIKAYO NAGASHIMA vs. SUGAR SATO

If this wasn't clipped, I'm betting it would have gotten Sugar higher. It played to her brawling strength and God knows that Nagashima can brawl like a motherfucker. But it was clipped. There you go.

 

AYAKO HAMADA vs. CARLOS AMANO

I thought this good despite the questionable selling by Ayako. Carlos was pretty fired up in this and was pretty game to take it to the mat with Ayako.

 

CHIKAYO NAGASHIMA vs. AYAKO HAMADA

This was clipped to hell but was a good precurser to the match where I'm assuming Nagashima drops the belt to Ayako and then drops it back to Meiko Satomura in May.

 

CHIKAYO NAGASHIMA vs. MEIKO SATOMURA

This was really fucking great. Meiko beats the shit out of Nagashima. Nagashima fights back with submissions and then they kill each other for the final five minutes. Too many nearfalls and not close to being as good as the Aja or Hokuto classic matches that Meiko has had, but a damn good match.

 

Jd 4/2002

MARU vs Mari Kuwada

God, is there some kind of famine in Japan? Somebody feed these women.

 

EMI TOJYO vs MIZUHO ISHIKAWA

Jesus Christ, do we need to send the Red Cross in or something. These two can't weight more than 70 pounds each.

 

THE BLOODY vs SACHIE ABE

Kind of a plodding, pedestrian affair and not the usual fireworks I expect from a Bloody match. Abe was right in the middle of all Joshi Puroresu.

 

OBACCHI IIZUKI vs YUMI OHKA

Ohka is irresistably lovable as underfed schoolgirl Osaka Midnight Choking material but she can't really wrestle yet. And Obacchi isn't gonna take it up a notch.

 

MEGUMI YABUSHITA vs HIROYO MUTO

I liked this match. Yabushita carries Muto and Muto doesn't fuck anything up and doesn't look completely smoked hitting submissions against an original Judo Girl.

 

JWP 3/10/2002

TSUBASA KURAGAKI vs ERIKA WATANABE

Erika is really green and her not leaning into Tsubasa's headbutts is probably not a fair assessment of young Erika, but it's the first thing that comes to mind when I think of this match.

 

YUKI MIYAZAKI vs KOBINA ISHIKAWA

This was a good little match. I remeber very little else about it.

 

YOSHIYO TAMURA vs KAORI YONEYAMA

I didn't understand why this was a main event. Tamura sells in this like she auditioning for the LCO in their Special No-Selling The Youngsters division.

 

Jd' 3/22/2002

MIMA SHIMODA/ ETSUKO MITA vs SACHIE ABE/KAZUKI

Sheesh. This sucked dick.

 

FANG SUZUKI vs The BLOODY

This match was.... problematic. Fang looked really good hitting her power offense and the Bloody ate it like a piece a cake. The match really sucked shit when they started brawling, which is weird because Fang was in the Maddog Military stable at one point and everything (not that any of those august lady wrestlers could do anything in or out of the ring) and the Bloody can brawl like a motherfucker from way back. I think the fact the Japanese Ladder Match Block was in full effect because the lader sequence sunk this match more than anything else.

 

~!~

 

KAZUNORI YOSHIDA vs HIROSHI WATANABE - EAGLE PRO CRUISERWEIGHT TOURNEY (7/23/2000)

(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)

(An annoying conceptual writing) "Keep Yourself Alive," is all Watanabe would say under his breath as he drove to the bingo parlor, his shabby Toyota Corona not Doing All Right and barely keeping the rain out as he pulled into the parking lot. Great King Rat- the Eagle promoter was figuring out some way to fuck Watanabe out of his money. Watanabe knew this and greeted his agent to the ring with disdain. "My Fairy King, am I getting my 25 bucks or are you once again proving yourself to be a Liar? The Night Comes Down to me and one of your boys, don't think that I won't shoot on him and make him never draw another dime for you again if I think you are fucking me around..."

 

"Big words for such a tiny man. You kids and your Modern Times Rock And Roll- I remember back when a young two-bit punk like you would have respect for his elders- or at least have respect for my connections.

 

"I know about you and your connections. I remember back when a man your age would take care of his Son And Daughter by not endangering them by flaunting his underworld cheapshit connections to any and every person he could try to impress with them. Jesus, you are a pathetic, impotent old man."

 

A greasy smile crossed the Eagle Promoter's lips and just as quickly turned to cryptic steeled face. "You get your friend Yoshida in the first round. If you get past him, you better watch your step with my boys or by the Seven Seas Of Rhye, I'll . . . "

 

"Save it, grampa."

 

Meanwhile, in the lockerroom, Yoshida was concentrating on his new finisher- the Brighton Rock Driver 99- when Watanabe came up to him.

 

"Hey, Yoshida our pimp-daddy public enema king rat Killer Queen say we get a go at each other tonight."

 

Yoshida was a layabout, a slacker, a Tenement Funster willing to dive out of the ring onto to his neck for whatever paltry sum the promoter had left over after paying the "name"- usually the name being eternal warts on the ass of puroresu Goro Trusumi or Nakamaki. He and Watanabe were tight and he was stoked about working him even if it was in Eagle in front of 70 people.

 

"Watanabe, old son, it is going to be a fine match. I know that you could rip my tendons apart with your shoot stylings in just a Flick Of The Wrist. Will it be enough for my deep love of the Luchadores and my mastery of their wreckless highflying? Can you counter my lucha submissions? The Lily Of The Valley doesn't know..."

 

The bingo hall was filling up and the it was an impressive crowd considering it was basically the Japanese equivalent of a flea market crowd and Yakuza wannabes. Watanabe stepped into the ring. "Now I'm Here. I must summon my

fighting spirit for these who have paid money to see me wrestle and to prove to my friend Yoshida that I can hold up my end. The rest I leave In The Lap Of The Gods."

 

Sometimes at the bigger shows with TV to back the story of the match, Japanese crowds can go Stone Cold Crazy and be as out of control as any Puerto Rican crowd at Roberto Clemente stadium but here in the bottom feedingest of indies

they best you can get is a handfull of streamers and some slightly impatient looks by the audience and that is what their introductions are met with.

 

"Yoshida! It is always a thrill to beat the hell out of Dear Friends! Good luck to you and you will need it as I dominate you!" Yoshida smiled his boyish smile and entered the ring.

 

"Your taunts are to make me Misfire and give you a quick advantage. I see through you, old drunken whorehound friend of mine! FEEL MY STEEL AND BRING BACK THAT LEROY BROWN! Where is Grace? I thought she was reffing tonight."

 

The ref smiled and said, "She's here but She Makes Me do the two-bit matches in the undercard." All three laughed and Yoshida fired back, "Three-way juice with hardway on the ref bump would REALLY make this match, don't ya think, Watanabe you old pig-fucker?"

 

"The heat would suddenly be through the roof, my indiscriminate mounter of anything with a pulse. The fate of our poor unbathed referree is in In The Lap Of The Gods...Revisited!"

 

They laughed before steeling their face for the grim match that was about to begin. The match starts with a Procession of old school spots out of the headlock into shoulderblock- the staples of the artform passed from Father To Son- from time immortum. Watanabe is the opposite of the DDT White Queen At Carnivale Sports Entertainment freakishness with his black trunks, tossled hair and simple black boots. He is sports entertaining in his fabulous spinning ground assault. Some Day One Day, he will be a big time junior heavyweight as he slips back and forth between Puro Junior matwork to fucked up and tricked out Lucha approximations. Yoshida is grounded and spends the first half of the match fighting for the ropes. Watanabe hits a perfect dropkick into a reverse Ace Crusher for two and then savages Yoshida with BEAUTIFUL Butterfly Suplex that says the recipient should definately be The Loser In The End. Instead, Watanabe goes to an abdominal stretch that Yoshida powers out of.

 

"So, I see that my sweet science will not work, my dog-mounting friend! IT IS TIME FOR AN OGRE BATTLE" and the Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke is an axe-handle across the back and an elbow across the neck as Yoshida struggles to his feet. Watanabe tastes blood and sends his old friend to Nevermore with a side suplex of absolutely flawless execution. Like the scattered army scrambling to stop the The March Of The Black Queen, Yoshida fights out of a Cross-Arm breaker that Watanabe quickly shoots into a sweet keylock. Yoshida hits the ropes but Watanabe drops another elbow across the back of his back before he can stand up. Yoshida- feeling the desperation of the moment- decides to crush Watanabe's testicles.

 

"Sorry about that, old friend. I'm sure considering the trailer parks you frequent the the girls will still want to be disappointed by the hapless love that your crushed loins will produce. Funny How Love Is...."

 

Watanabe writhed on the mat, clutching his damaged junk.

 

"By the Seven Seas Of Rhye, I will tear your punk ass a new cornchute!" Yoshida responds with two HAMMERING forearms. Yoshida hops on the top turnbuckle and screams,"Old gelded friend Watanabe, I AM DEATH ON TWO LEGS! While you are Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon, I am out spreading my pestilence and fucking motherfuckers up!" and hits a picture perfect Missile Dropkick to Watanabe's chin. A tricked-out lucha roll-up later and Watanabe is struggling out of two count.

 

"Yoshida, you little drunken bastard. You can crush my testicles because I'm In Love With My Car more than the leathery whores you would lay with. Since You're My Best Friend, I'm going to compress your spinal chord like a burned out '39 Studebaker at a junkyard, mutha fuckah!"

 

Yoshida smirks and slaps on the figure four Leglock.

 

"Here's a note to whatever crazed skeezah is taking your punishing love this week, 'Dear Sweet Lady, When trying to get some satisfaction out of this pathetic old heap at your next Seaside Rendezvous, please be gentle- he has just had the living dogshit beaten out of him by YOSHIDA! KING OF THE ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKERS! SKULL-FUCKER OF KINGS! STAR OF THE PROPHET'S SONG ABOUT THE BADASSED MOTHERFUCKER WHO WAS SENT DOWN FROM HEAVEN TO KEEP THE LADIES SATISFIED WITH HIS GIGANTIC SWINGING LOVE MOMMA! YOU WANNA BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE BUT AFTER I DONE KNOCKED YOU OUT WITH MY HOT LOVE I GOTTA PART FROM YOUR GOOD COMPANY AND GET ONTO THE NEXT GIRLY SWARMING ON MY DICK! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"

 

Watanabe hits the ropes finally in agony. Yoshida misses a dropkick and Watanabe punches him in the throat.

 

"Yoshida, you gonna make me make your momma 'God Save The Queen" when I go ahead and Tie Your Mother Down AGAIN and make her forget the date of your birthday when I'm done!"

 

Watanabe goes for a Standing Rings Of Saturn but Yoshida counters out and escapes.

 

"You Take My Breath Away with your speed, old son. but I am always Long Away before your bombs of submission can leave any ordinance. I'm A POETIC MOTHERFUCKER!"

 

Watanabe is enraged after two kicks by Yoshida and counters out of a side suplex.

 

"Fuck the sweet science, this is my The Millionaire Waltz on your fat ass!" and Watanabe stomps a mudhole in Yoshida and walks it dry. He then props him up in the corner and punches him in the chest! "You And I have issues to sort out. You will need Somebody To Love on the pulsating lump of shit that you will become after I am done crushing you with THIS!" and Watanabe DESTROYS Yoshida with a textbook German Suplex after a savage beal maneuver.

 

"Young mounter of the White Man's pussy, I will pin you like the pansy-assed Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy that you are!"

 

Yoshida is shot to the ropes and even in his Drowse, rolls Watanabe up as Watanabe tries a dropdrop and steals the pin. Postmatch, Watanabe raises Yoshida's hand and says, " Teo Torriate, that was a fucking great match. After you win this, we are going out drinking."

 

"Fuck yeah, Daddy. When Yoshida and Watanabe hit the dirty streets of Tokyo, the bitches know that We Will Rock You! We Are The Champions, motherfucker."

 

"Fuckin A, motherfucker. Peace out, my brother...."

 

 

DEAN.