Royal Rumble 1991

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

I used to post on the old smarks board as Downpour, but have logged in here as the WrestlingDeacon to go with my persona as a writer for the new site www.gwpwrestling.com (be sure to check it out, I review RAW and Excess and do a weekly column) Back on the old board, Choken One pleaded with me to review Royal Rumble '91 for the longest time and thanks to Alex from there I was finally able to get a copy of the tape. This review will be posted on the other site I write for www.geocities.com/thewrestlingrepute/home this coming weekend, but for old CO you guys here get an advanced preview.

 

ROYAL RUMBLE 1991

 

This is the Coliseum video version of the show, not a direct tape, and opens with Sean Mooney setting up the matches.  The show took place at the Miami Arena in Miami Florida.  Your commentators are Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper.  Piper says that the guys in the back are so geared up for the Rumble that they have “hair on their teeth.”  I think that is merely a sign of steroid abuse.

 

Shots of the crowd in patriotic fervor due to the Gulf War accompany a taped version of the national anthem.  Vince McMahon runs down the thirty rumble participants and the other non-Rumble matches, regardless that Mooney just did those two minutes ago.

 

THE ROCKERS VS. THE NEW ORIENT EXPRESS

 

Combatants- The Orient Express are the masked Kato and Tanaka, managed by Mr. Fuji.  Kato is the new member of the team and no he is not Bruce Lee, but rather Paul Diamond under a mask to hide the fact that he is not oriental.  Diamond and Pat Tanaka had teamed previously as Bad Company in the AWA.  The Rockers are Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty who had been the Midnight Rockers at one time.  Michaels of course would go on to be WWF World Champion, while Janetty would blow his career away on Peruvian marching powder and be the curtain jerker for the Heroes of Wrestling ppv.

 

The Match- The Rockers do the stand in the corner salute to the crowd and Tanaka knocks Janetty to the floor.  Double backdrop on Michaels and Tanaka holds him for a beating, but Marty jumps back in to dropkick Kato and superkick Pat.  Double press slam on Tanaka and the Rockers hit the top ropes for a tandem high spot.  Kato pulls his boy out of the ring and the Express regroup on the floor.  That goes well, as the Rockers body press out onto them.  They finally get it together as Kato and Janetty start proper in the ring.  Headlock by Janetty.  Kato tries to atomic drop out of it, but Marty rolls through and maintains the hold on the mat.  Kato breaks and they run the ropes like jackrabbits on speed.  Marty counters an armbar on the mat with a head scissors.  Kato flips out of it into a pinning predicament that Marty bridges out of and turns into a backslide for two.  Hot sequence doesn’t even begin to cover it.

 

Tag to Tanaka.  Kato tosses Marty into the ropes before he goes, Janetty leapfrogs Kato and the masked man winds up clocking his own man.  Armdrag on Tanaka.  Michaels joins us with a forearm from on high.  Samoan drop into an armbar on the canvas.  Tanaka powers up and takes a shoulder block off of the ropes, but then floors Michaels with a body press for two.  Chinlock by Tanaka.  Michaels powers out and Tanaka tags Kato.  Boss spot as Tanaka runs over both Michaels and Kato in a series of near hits before Shawn noggin knockers the heels.  High knee by Michaels.  Snapmare for two and Shawn hits the chinlock on Tanaka.  Four drunks in the front chant “we, we, we will rock you.”  Tanaka powers up again and runs the ropes only to be slowed by a sleeper.  Janetty tries to run in and that distracts the ref long enough for Kato to fly in and break the hold.  Both men out.  Michaels kicks Tanaka, but he floors the punk with the crispest leg sweep you will see this side of The Karate Kid.  Measured judo thrusts by Tanaka and he works Shawn over in the corner.  Enough of that and Michaels reverses the beat down.  Janetty runs in to stop Kato from interfering to little avail as Shawn simply moonsaults onto him from the top rope.  A pretty standard move for the time…if you’re Jushin Thunder Liger.  Double whip on the heels see them dosie doe and smack back onto the Rockers.  The Express learn nothing and try the same maneuver.  Michaels leapfrogs Janetty, they both flip out of atomic drop attempts and nail dropkicks.  It’s like watching the ice capades.  The Express roll to the floor and the Rockers body press onto them from the top turnbuckles.  

 

Back in, Shawn snapmares Kato for two.  Tag to Marty and they score the double back elbow for two.  Chinlock by Marty.  Kato works himself to his feet, Janetty tags back to Michaels and Shawn hits a delayed suplex for two.  Shawn tries a monkey flip and gets caught by Kato with Tanaka grabbing him from the apron and hot shotting him on the ropes.  Janetty tries to run in again, but he must owe the ref from a coke deal, because he’s watching Marty like a hawk.  Requisite Mr. Fuji cane shot results on Shawn.  Tanaka with a chop and a tag to Kato.  Tanaka holds Michaels on the ropes and Kato leapfrogs over his own partner for a rope straddle.  Near pin broken up by Janetty.  Tanaka back in, judo thrust and Vulcan death grip.  The two grapplers are smart enough to turn the rest hold into a heat segment as Shawn works the crowd in trying to break the hold.  Tanaka covers for two and beats Michaels down a little more before tagging Kato.  Michaels valiantly fights back only to take a Flair flip in the corner and get crescent kicked from the apron back into the ring.  Double clothesline by the heels and Tanaka covers for two.  Michaels pulls up on a backdrop attempt off of the ropes for a face slam.  Kato rushes in to cut off of the tag.  The Express try a double clothesline with Kato’s karate sash, which backfires as Michaels body presses into the belt causing the heels to slam into each other.  Very inventive spot.  White hot tag to Marty.  Marty goes to town with power slams and dropkicks.  Scoop slam on Kato for two.  Back elbow off of the ropes for two.  The pair fight over a back slide with Tanaka kicking Marty over for two.  They run the ropes and Michaels holds Kato’s legs, dropping him for a near fall.  Double crescent kick and they set up the rocket launcher.  Tanaka breaks that up.  Bodyslam by Kato and he catapults Marty into a Tanaka chop.  They go for the move again, but Michaels waylays Tanaka and then coldcocks Kato, making him slingshot Janetty right over Tanaka for a sunset flip and the victory.  *****.  That was one of the most innovative tag matches I have ever seen in my entire life, beautifully choreographed, well used rest spots, tremendous movesets for the time period with a mind blazingly bitchin’ finish.  I used to think that the Rockers were just a bunch of pretty boy hot air, but no longer my friends, my eyes have been opened and I see the light. Amen, brother.            

 

Piper Line of the Match- (on the Express) “I want you to check these guys out, I saw them in the back gnawing on raw fish fifteen minutes ago.”  

 

Mooney interviews the Macho King Randy Savage.  Savage has a guaranteed title match with Sgt. Slaughter if he beats the Ultimate Warrior for the belt later tonight and he’s just sent Sensational Queen Sherri to obtain the same promise from the Warrior.  

 

Cut to Gene Okerlund out in the arena with Sherri.  She actually looks normal for once, doable even, if I had some tequila on hand.  Sherri calls the Warrior out and plays on his honor to give Savage a title shot.  Speaking of tequila, I think Sherri’s already beat me to it.  Warrior comes out in wrestling shorts and a pleather jacket.  I’d call the look “hair metal gay.”  He ponders the Macho King’s challenge.  Sherri implies a little something something on the side and plays the slut card.  Sherri slips in a kiss and sells her joy like it was so much tile caulking.  Sherri gets down on her knees and Warrior smells his fingers.  Hey now, yuck, no, don’t go there!  UW gives a firm no on her proposal, beats his chest and takes off.  Savage tears up the dressing room and runs out after him.  He and Sherri throw a tantrum and I smell a fix a brewing.  That was just weird.

 

BARBARIAN VS. BIG BOSSMAN

 

Combatants- Barbarian and the Warlord were in a tag team known as the Powers of Pain, managed by Mr. Fuji.  After they lost to Demolition for the six hundredth time he brought in the Orient Express and sold the PoP’s contracts, Warlord to Slick and Barbarian to Bobby “the Brain” Heenan.  Heenan proceeded to give Barby an oak staff, an antlered helmet and a smelly, old fur smock; the Brain, indeed.  The Big Bossman really was a former corrections officer before embarking on a wrestling career, first as Jim Cornette’s bodyguard Big Bubba Rogers in the NWA and later as the Bossman.

 

The Match- Bossman rushes the ring and scares Barbarian to the floor.  Bossman plays with the Barbarian’s vest, he better get a tetanus shot after the match.  The Barbarian stalls on the outside.  It seems from the commentators’ reports that the Bossman’s feud is with Heenan personally as the Weasel said some off colored remarks about his mother.  I vaguely remember that now, but it wasn’t exactly the Savage/Steamboat feud.  Lockup to start.  Barbarian quickly gains the advantage with a knee and a few uppercuts.  Bossman reverses a whip, hits the big boot and follows with a back elbow.  Barbarian rolls to the floor.  The Big Bossman is jacked.  Barbarian rolls back in and they take to the ropes.  Bossman blocks a hiptoss, but eats a suplex.  Backbreaker for two.  Barbarian cinches the bear hug.  Bossman tries to club his way out to no avail and finally breaks with a bell ringer.  Barbarian keeps the advantage with an upper cut and BB timbers to the mat.  Elbow drops by Barby for two and he returns to the bear hug.  The crowd is really hot and that always makes rest holds like this seem more exciting.  Bossman tries to headbutt out, but this is the Barbarian we’re talking about here and it doesn’t faze him.  BB bites the nose and it’s not pretty, but it works.  Barbarian catches the Bossman’s leg on a kick and the big boy hits an enzugiuri to floor him.  Hold on, let me rewind this, shit, I thought that was an optical illusion, he really did hit an enzugiuri, pretty good one too.  

 

Both men are down.  Bossman recovers to cover for two.  Bossman posts himself on a charge and Barbarian rolls him up for two.  Into the ropes, BB misses a clothesline, but grabs the Barbarian by his legs and holds him in the air for a few years before hot shotting him on the ropes.  If the Bossman could work like this today, he would be main eventing instead of filling time on Jakked.  BB makes the cover and Barby puts his foot on the ropes.  Double shoulder block puts both men down again.  Barbarian pops up top for the Hawk flying clothesline, but turn about is fair play as Bossman puts his foot on the ropes on the pin attempt.  Bossman slam out of nowhere, however BB wastes time in getting his breath and Barbarian reaches out and grabs the ropes with his hand to break the pin.  Barbarian takes over with an eye rake and scores a piledriver.  Barbarian hits a cross body from on high, but the Bossman rolls through it like so much Ric Flair and gets the one, two, three.  What the hell is in the water down in Miami?  That was the best match I’ve seen out of both men, namely meaning it didn’t suck balls.  ***.          

 

Piper Line of the Match- (on Heenan looking timid toward the Big Bossman) Monsoon: “The weasel, scared to death.”  Piper: “Either that or the heartbreak of psoriasis.”

 

Some skank bag and a bunch of kids shill for the Ultimate Warrior.

 

Mooney has Slaughter and Gen. Adnan (the Iron Sheik) in the dressing room.  Adnan chants nonsense in Arabic.  Well, for all I know it could have been something, but it sounded like nonsense.  I love the sight of Sarge in a turban.  Slaughter refers to Warrior as the “Ultimate Puke.”  Hellwig should have legally changed his name to that.  The Puke’s seconds as WWF champ are numbered.

 

Mean Gene has the Warrior and I swear he was that close to calling him the Ultimate Puke as well.  Warrior has the syntax technique of Yoda.  The little warriors are riding on his back while Slaughter is riding a foxhole to defeat.  Standard rigmarole.

 

WWF WORLD TITLE MATCH: ULTIMATE WARRIOR VS. SGT. SLAUGHTER

 

Combatants- The Ultimate Warrior beat Hulk Hogan for the world title at Wrestlemania VI.  The Warrior was not quiet the draw McMahon hoped he would be, meaning he was not the second coming of Hogan.  Vince looked to cash in on the fervor of the Gulf War by turning the once patriotic Slaughter into a monster heel that sided with Iraq.  For crying out loud, the man is a G.I. Joe figure, that is sacrilege.  Regardless, the far past his prime Slaughter mustered the effort for one last run and did what was asked of him.  Just following orders huh, sounds like every Himmel and Goebbels to me.  Wrestling rule #87: if the world title match is in the middle of the show, the heel is going over.

 

The Match- Slaughter and Adnan try to clothesline the Ultimate Puke with the Iraqi flag, but he ducks under it and clotheslines the heels instead.  He clears the ring and tears up the flag to a huge pop.  I don’t think that is hospitable of the Warrior, what ever happened to freedom of speech in this country?  Adnan returns to the back to watch “Muslim Girls Gone Wild.”  Warrior beats the Sarge with the broken flagpole and makes him eat a piece of flag.  Knee lift and the Warrior slams Slaughter’s head into the top turnbuckle a few times.  Backdrop out of a corner whip and he follows with a series of chops.  Sarge wimpily posts himself on another whip.  Warrior choo-choo’s in a clothesline and whips Slaughter back across the ring where he takes a header to the floor.  Sherri runs out in a different outfit from earlier.  Warrior goes to the floor to toss Slaughter back in the ring.  He hits the running shoulder blocks on the inside, but Sherri grabs his foot on the third one and he chases her to the back.  Savage blindsides him coming from somewhere in Cuba and trashes him with a pole-mounted spotlight.  Where has that spot been in the hardcore division?  Slaughter distracts the ref to miss the inference and to keep him from counting the Warrior out.  See, why doesn’t Hebner just dq Sarge for disrupting his duties?  The Ultimate Puke crawls back to the ring like a mangy dog.  Sarge rolls the Warrior in and beats him down a little more.  Backbreaker by Slaughter   He spits on our fallen hero.  Sarge makes him eat the spiked boots that were a present from Saddam Hussein.  He was able to mail that package into this country?  

 

Double clothesline put both men down.  Trying to sell seems to be just blowing Slaughter’s mind.  He locks the Warrior into a bear hug.  I fly to Iraq, question Hussein about the boots, he says it was an underling’s decision, I fly back and we are still in the bear hug.  UW breaks with a double chop to the shoulders and body slams Slaughter.  His back gives out and Sarge elbows the back on the canvas.  Modified backbreaker and he stomps away.  Camel clutch, although Warrior is hanging half out of the ring.  Hebner calls him off due to that, but Slaughter thinks he won and starts going through the Pips routine for “Midnight Train to Georgia.”  Warrior Ultimate Pukes-up and flies into his finishing sequence.  Disgusted that Slaughter could not put the schmuck away; Sherri trots back out and jumps up to the apron.  Warrior brings her into the ring and signals for a press slam.  Savage runs back out and UW tosses her onto to him.  This allows Slaughter the time to recover and he jumps the Warrior from behind and chokes him on the ropes.  The Macho King brains him with his scepter and Slaughter covers the Ultimate Puke for the win.  Piper is livid, the crowd chants bullshit, Monsoon keeps saying there was a disqualification.  No dice and Slaughter celebrates with the belt.  Since when has the WWF world title been purple?  A lot of things to make you go hmm in this match.  It wasn’t a travesty to mankind or anything, but still pretty much sucked.  ½*.          

 

Piper Line of the Match- (to Slaughter) “Pardon me if I don’t express myself, but you stink.”      

 

Mooney talks to the Million Dollar Man and Virgil in the back.  They are wrestling Dusty and Dustin Rhodes later tonight.  Dibiase says that Virgil is the best that money can buy and he’s on his side because money is thicker than blood.  I’d agree with that.

 

DUSTY & DUSTIN RHODES VS. TED DIBIASE & VIRGIL

 

Combatants- There was a time when feuds were worked out based on your character and not by throwing darts at a WWF calendar.  Ted Dibiase is a millionaire who uses his money to make people bend to his will and buy his way through life.  Dusty Rhodes is the blue collar, hard working “American Dream” fighting for the rights of the little man.  This was shortly before Rhodes would return to WCW and he has reverted to his standard character from the yellow polka dotted dufus he was for most of his WWF run.  Although the vignette of Dusty working at the Taco Hut was one of the funniest things ever devised by human minds.  He has also traded in his sassy black sidekick Sapphire for his son Dustin.  I think I would have kept Sapphire.  Virgil is Dibiase’s manservant and prize wrestling pupil of S.D. Jones.  Don’t laugh I’m being serious.    

 

The Match- The heels attack at the bell and try to whip father and son into each other, but they reverse and lord and servant bump each other down.  The Rhodes’ knock Ted and Virgil to the floor and they regroup.  Virgil and Dustin start proper.  Lockup reversal on the ropes and Dustin takes a thumb to the eye.  Into the ropes Dustin scores a flying clothesline and dropkick to send Virgil to the floor.  Dibiase bitches him out and tells him to go get that redneck.  Virgil tries a knee and a few clubbing blows, only to be cut off with a shoulder block.  They run the ropes and Virgil is clotheslined back to the floor.  Father and son do some synchronized showboating.  Dibiase tells his man to win one for the gipper and sends him back in.  Ted asks for the tag and gets it.  Dibiase fakes a lockup, lands a few shots and clotheslines Dustin down off of the ropes.  Beat down in the corner.  Backdrop off of the ropes is followed by a fist drop for Ted.  Dustin pulls up on another backdrop attempt off of the ropes and gets a face slam.  A stunned Dibiase pops up in the wrong corner and is ping ponged by bionic elbows before taking the flip, flop and fly to the floor.  Virgil says, “see I told you those honky were tough.”  Dusty rolls the Million Dollar Man back in and does his standard “I rule, you’re gay” taunt.  Beat down in the corner and he locks a sleeper coming off of the ropes.  Virgil breaks the hold and Dusty tags his son.  Dropkick for a pin is broken up by Virgil again.  Dibiase makes the tag.  Dustin reverses a whip, but winds up posting his knee.  Dustin sells it like he took a mortar shell.  Virgil works the knee.  Tag to Dibiase.  The heels ram the knee on the steel ring post as Dusty stupidly keeps the ref’s attention.  Dustin ducks a double team and Virgil clotheslines his own partner.  Dibiase is pissed and takes Virgil out.  That allows Dusty to tag in.  He whips Ted from pillar to post, but misses an elbow in the corner and Dibiase makes with the quick roll up for the win.  A counter productive finish if you ask me.  They did a nice job of getting the story of the match across, but that’s all I can say.  *.  

 

Dibiase grabs a mic and chews Virgil out for accidentally hitting him.  He instructs his boy to get his belt and put it around his waist.  Enough is enough and it’s time for a change.  Virgil throws the Million Dollar Belt down on the canvas.  Dibiase reminds Virgil of the cash he needs for his family and makes the mistake of turning his back on him.  Virgil clocks Dibiase with the belt and the crowd is apeshit.  We shall overcome.  Virgil finally turning on Dibiase was not the “fuck ya’, dude” moment I thought it would be and Virgil never got a push out of the feud as he was regulated to jobber status after putting the Million Dollar Man fracas to bed.  

 

Piper Line of the Match- (on the Rhodes’) “Texas born, Texas bred, durn it, I’ll be Texas dead.”

 

Ad for Wrestlemania VII.

 

A few Rumble participants do promos.  Tugboat is going to give everyone life preservers and a big rubber boat.  Smash sucks in his gut and tells Crush to watch out if it comes down to the two of them.  Dino Bravo is taking out Earthquake.  Crush has no problem taking out Smash.  Mr. Perfect does push ups and promises a win.

 

Hogan has the catbird seat interview with Mean Gene in the back.  Hogan is dedicating the upcoming match to our boys in the Middle East.  The U.S. military loves Hogan and everyone else in the match are a bunch of Commie bastards.  Okerlund gets a late breaking rumor that Slaughter has just defaced an American flag.  Hogan’s response “Slaughter’s reign as WWF champion is going be just like…er…ah…yeah…you know what brother.”  That is the only time I’ve ever seen Hogan botch a promo.  Nelson laughs, “ha-ha.”

 

ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH

 

Combatants- 30 men total compete in the match with a new one coming in every two minutes.  Going over the top rope and touching the floor with both feet eliminates you.

 

The Match- Bret Hart draws #1, Dino Bravo #2.  They lockup to start and Bravo shoves Hart into the corner.  Hart hits a forearm off of the ropes, dropkick, atomic drop and a clothesline follow.  Hart tries to push Bravo out, but can’t do it.  Dino gets a boot to the gut coming off of the ropes and hits an inverted atomic drop.  Bravo with a body slam, but he misses the elbow drop.  Hart slugs away and we are joined by Greg Valentine at #3.  Although Bravo and Valentine are stable mates under Jimmy Hart, the bookers have to pound home the fact that there are no friends in the rumble and they go at it.  Hart yells at Valentine, who yells back and Bravo clotheslines him in the back of the head.  Bret takes a breather in the corner.  Valentine fights back with a few headbutts to the turnbuckle and dumps Bravo to give him the prestigious honor of being the first man out.  Valentine roughs up Jimmy Hart on the apron while Bret plays opossum and suckers Valentine with an inverted atomic drop and clothesline.  He tries to toss Greg out and #4 is Paul Roma.  Roma and Valentine work the beat down on the Hitman until Paul turns on Greg.  Hart fights back with an inverted atomic drop on Roma and lands the noggin knocker.  The heels rejoin forces to dump Bret, but he survives and Valentine and Roma go back at it.  Orgy in the corner as Kerry Von Erich joins us at #5.  Tornado punch on Roma and Valentine.  Hart with a body slam on Roma, but he misses the second rope elbow drop.  Von Erich and Valentine slug it out in the corner.  Greg and Kerry try to dump Paul with no luck and they all pair off again.  Dropkick by Roma on Von Erich and he saves Valentine from being eliminated.  

 

Now things get really hard to follow as we have five men in the ring with Rick Martel running down at #6.  He goes to work on Bret Hart and Roma saves.  Valentine and Von Erich lay on each other in the corner.  Hart pulls the Hammer off and holds him for a roundhouse punch.  Martel has Roma draped on the top turnbuckle.  Hart saves and clobbers the Model, but then Roma saves Rick even though Bret just saved him.  I know that there are no friends in this match, but is there also no logic.  Tony Atlas as African warrior Samba Simba is #7 to no crowd noise whatsoever.  Mass beatings now as everyone changes dance partners every two seconds.  Von Erich locks the claw on Roma as Butch the Bushwhacker whacks down the aisle for #8.  Hilarious bit as Butch just marches around the ring randomly until Valentine says, “What the hell is his deal?” and chops him down.  Atlas goes to throw Martel out, but Rick grabs the top rope and Simba’s momentum rides him to the floor.  Butch makes with the noggin knocker on Valentine and Roma.  He is just insanely over.  Jake “the Snake” Roberts is #9 and by being the top guy on the totem pole in there right now, I hope he clears out some dead weight.  Roberts boxes Martel down and gutbusters him.  They have an issue as the Model blinded the Snake with his personal cologne Arrogance a short time before this.  Jakes signals the ddt and Martel rolls out under the bottom rope.  You can see a young Shane McMahon working refereeing duties in trying to get Martel back in the ring.  Roberts follows and chases Rick back into the ring.  Martel rests on the apron while Jake gets lost in the melee in the ring, but he eventually finds Martel and tries to push him out from the apron.  Hercules trots out at #10 and he and Roma work on Butch.  A bunch of eliminations are teased.  Martel ties Roberts up in the ropes, but Von Erich saves.  

 

Tito Santana is #11 as Roma misses a body press on Jake and flies to the floor.  Santana naturally goes after Martel.  Everyone is just lying around sucking wind now.  #12 is Undertaker still under the tutelage of Brother Love.  He tosses Hart at the get go and then brawls with Von Erich.  “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka is your special entrant at #13.  ‘Taker tosses Butch.  Undertaker looks so much different here than he does today.  Von Erich locks in a sleeper on UT and Valentine hits him with a forearm from on high.  Undertaker is not so much selling as he is stumbling around drunk.  Snuka is just hanging out.  Davey Boy Smith is #14.  Some jerk wad is a green t-shirt walks by the camera a few dozen times in the crowd.  I’m trying to watch a wrestling match here.  Everyone is just pummeling whoever is near them and the action is impossible to call.  This has to be a reviewer’s worst nightmare.  Smash is #15 as I still await my DustBuster to clear out the ring.  He goes to work on Smith.  Martel and Roberts are still going at it.  Smith clotheslines Smash out of his boots.  Martel slips to the apron and cheapshots Jake to the floor.  Martel celebrates and falls prey to a double noggin knocker on Hercules by Snuka.  

 

Hawk of the LOD is #16 and he gets gangbanged.  Everyone is in there own little worlds.  Here’s your footnote at #17 with Shane Douglas, who would go on to achieve his greatest fame in the ECW and have another brief stint in the WWF as Dean Douglas.  He works on Smash.  UT dumps Von Erich on a missed tornado punch and Hawk follows with tossing Snuka right behind him.  Douglas and Santana double clothesline the still breathing Martel.  The microphones pick up Smash with Santana saying “I’ll break your neck, yeah, I’ll break his neck, yeah, his neck.”  #18 is the invisible man as no one shows up.  I think it’s supposed to be Savage.  UT chokes Hawk out in the battle of the no-sellers.  Monsoon states that he believes this is the first time that an entrant did not show up at his designated slot and with Animal at #19, #18 is dq’d.  The LOD work on the Undertaker and double clothesline him to the floor, but Hercules sneak attacks Hawk to rid the ring of him in turn.  Crush is #20 and he immediately helps his partner work on Davey Boy Smith.  Martel is your human pretzel of the match as he just keeps squeezing out of being eliminated.              

 

The first ever Rumble winner Hacksaw Jim Duggan is #21 and the big boys to clear the ring should be coming up.  He takes his licks on the Model as Martel is also your whipping boy of the match as well.  Davey Boy puts a sleeper on Crush as Earthquake lumbers down at #22.  Animal attempts to clothesline the new boy out, but goes down himself.  IC champ Mr. Perfect is #23 and he strolls down at a leisurely pace.  Duggan takes it to Perfect, but gets dumped for his troubles.  This match is just an excuse for Hennig to sell like an idiot.  Dropkick on Smash by Perfect.  It feels like the times are getting a little closer together, maybe not.  Hulk Hogan pops the crowd like a zit at #24 and now you will see some house cleaning.  He dumps Smash and then works on Earthquake.  Hogan chant erupts.  Haku is #25.  Valentine finally buys it at the hands of Hogan after 49 minutes in the ring.  Martel rips Hogan’s shirt off and chokes him with it.  

 

Jim Neidhart barrels out at #26.  Hey, Bret’s gone, you’re a little late.  Earthquake rids us of Tito Santana.  Haku saves Hogan from Perfect and the Immortal One beats him down as a thanks.  Bushwhacker Luke is also too late for his partner at #27 and he does a funnier bit than Butch as he marches in, gets flipped out by Earthquake and marches back to the locker room with only about three seconds in and not missing a beat.  Brian Knobbs of the Nasty Boys is #28.  There is nothing but dead weight in the ring.  Knobbs and Neidhart go at it before Brian gets the best of Hercules in tossing him.  #29 is the Warlord and he attacks Smith.  Crush tries the punch count in the corner on Hogan and gets thrown.  Warlord holds Hogan for Perfect to chop.  Hulk ducks and Perfect nails Warlord.  Hennig yells a quick apology and gets lost in the bodies.  Hogan clotheslines the Warlord to the floor.  Last man in is Tugboat and his rubber boat, meaning that Savage was indeed the #18 no show.

 

Nitty gritty time.  Douglas survives much longer than I would have pegged him for, but finally gets sent to the showers off camera by Knobbs.  Tugboat almost rids us of Hogan, but he hits the apron, rolls back in and tosses the Tugboat.  Cool move as Davey Boy crotches Mr. Perfect on the top rope and dropkicks him to the floor.  Martel kills Neidhart.  Smith backdrops Haku.  Jerry Saggs wasn’t in the match was he?  Martel goes up top on Smith, but gets crotched and clotheslined out.  Rick Martel is your iron man at 53 minutes, he also gets my performer of the match award as Ric Flair would follow his template to the letter in winning the Rumble and the WWF World Title the following year.  Knobbs and Earthquake throw Smith and double team Hogan.  Earthquake nails a splash and Knobbs hits a few elbow drops.  Hogan eats the Earthquake splash and Hulks-up.  Double clothesline by Hogan.  Big boot ends it for Knobbs.  Another big boot for the Earthquake.  Jimmy Hart jumps up on the apron and Hogan knocks him off.  Hulk tries a body slam, but botches it and takes a few elbow drops.  Powerslam and Hogan re-Hulks-up.  Big boot and the fans encourage our lord and savior to body slam the big boy and then he tosses Earthquake for the win.  I don’t mind Hogan winning, a match like this is perfect to hide his shortcomings and play up his charisma.  The beginning was some good wrestling, the end was not as hot as it should have been and the whole middle from Undertaker to Hogan was just slow, dull and lifeless.  It didn’t put me to sleep though and the booking was pretty well handled.  ** ½.  Hogan parties with the American flag to close.  

 

Piper Line of the Match- (on Roma entering) “Romeo, where art thou? He says, ‘here I be. I’ve come to climb ye’ like a tree.”      

 

An underrated show and one majorly overlooked for historical and wrestling value.  The rub is that the Rumble is usually judged, and should be judged, on the rumble match itself.  The one here was textbook, but pails in comparison to the match the following year with Flair’s masterful performance and the added element of the world title being on the line.  Warrior vs. Slaughter and Dibiase & Virgil vs. the Rhodes’ are almost painful to watch, yet fascinating curiosities and the opening tag match and Bossman vs. Barbarian are very pleasant surprises.  I’ve certainly seen worse and heartily recommend the show.  *** ¼.

[Guest Anorak]

That was a good review, it was a decent show with the tag match being especially good. What about the pop Virgil got on that show when he dumped Dibiase? The crowd reaction was unbelievable for that.

[Guest Choken One]

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

 

Great Post...Now...Do SpringStampede '94 for me...