Check out THIS real winner...

[Guest J*ingus]

Hey all, this was lifted from a thread at 411, but nobody over there seemed to even notice my fine work, so poo on them, I'm bringing it here to a REAL audience.

 

I introduce to you one David McNamara. He is 19 years old, and is so painfully hanging-off-the-right-wing conservative that even David Duke would sit him down to have a long talk about respecting other people's rights. His gashplastering embarassment of a website can be found here, and if you go, do make sure to check out the Pictures section to take a look at this studmuffin.

 

Anyway, I copied & pasted his entire page, and then ripped it apart with my usual line-by-line dissection method. His words are in quotes, mine are not. Have fun.

 

----------------------------------------

 

"Welcome to my site! My name is David McNamara and I am 19 years old. I have 2 cats and I am a senior at Royal Palm Beach High School in Royal Palm Beach, Florida. I am still in High School because during my first freshman year, I contracted pneumonia and was gone for about 1/3rd of the school year. :-(... "

 

Hi David! You ashame me as a fellow cat-owner. And just why should we listen with rapt attention to the opinions of a high-school student, anyway?

 

"I want to ban pornography with a 10-year prison term for viewing or participating in pornography,"

 

Um... why? Pornography has never been shown to have any kind of significant influence upon society as a whole.

 

"as well as oral and anal sex with a 1-5 year prison term for oral sex and a 1-10 year term for anal sex."

 

Did you know that some states actually do this already? Here in Tennessee, any sexual activity outside of straight penis->vagina penetration is outlawed. Because you know, we've really got to stop all the dicksucking and rugmunching today, it's a menace to our country and threatens all our lives! (/sarcasm)

 

"I also want to ban the manufacture and sale of contraceptives (birth control) with a prison term of up to 1 year in jail and/or a fine of up to $5,000 for violating this ban."

 

Oh, so he's Catholic. Really, REALLY Catholic.

 

"None of these laws will be retroactive."

 

Good, cuz you'd be throwing about 50% of the country's population in jail.

 

"I also support a ban on interracial marriage. While I am not racist,"

 

Bull-sheeyit.

 

"I believe that God intends people to marry within their own race."

 

And exactly what passage in the Bible supports this belief, praytell? Not even Leviticus includes a rule like that.

 

"Any and all interracial marriages currently licensed should immediately be annulled, with any children born to said couple, allowed only to marry with other children of interracial couples."

 

Yep, this HIGH SCHOOL KID would break up countless marriages across the nation, all to perpertrate his own fucked-up idealogy.

 

"All races ought to have equal opportunity in employment, pay, etc. Therefore, I believe that Affirmative Action is racist against white people and ought to be abolished."

 

This is the only time he even approaches something that resembles a real point.

 

"I firmly believe that sex should be shared with your spouse and that there ought be be love between the married couple."

 

Actually, I think a man and a wife should remain abstinent, and should hate each other completely. I don't know where you get your wacked-out ideas from.

 

"However, man and wife ought to be of the same color as stated above."

 

Oh yeah, can't have our Aryan Purity subborned by those of, ahem, inferior genetics.

 

"I am in favor of the death penalty for murder (including performing an abortion), attempted murder, rape, incest, pedophilia/child molestation, bestiality, necrophilia, transvestites, treason, spying against the state, espionage, drug dealing, vampirism, adultery, and armed robbery."

 

Death penalty for murder, treason, spying, and espionage? We got it already. Attempted murder, rape, pedophilia? Pretty draconian, but the sentiment at least makes sense. Bestiality, necrophilia, drug dealing, armed robbery? That's more than a bit harsh, dude. Adultery? Hello, Mr. Taliban. Vampirism? Okay, your "friends" wouldn't let you play Vampire: The Masquerade with them, get over it.

 

"I am also 100% against homosexuality and I believe homosexuals (including lesbians and bisexuals) as well as people with fetishes, ought to be put in mental hospitals."

 

How's about we stick you in a mental hospital, just for a month or so? They're not nice places. And this is of course ignoring all research findings that differences in brain chemistry and synapse makeup do have a major role in determining one's sexuality.

 

"This must be done NOW, before they degenerate society and our children's morals even further."

 

I'm much more worried about violent morons like you than, say, Elton John.

 

"I also believe ANY children in the custody of homosexuals ought to be taken away IMMEDIATELY, in order to prevent further emotional and sexual abuse. DO NOT let your children near one of these vile monsters!"

 

Too bad nobody bothered to inform him that there is a difference between homosexuality and pedophilia. The two don't exactly go together, douchebag.

 

"Read the Fag Facts page to get more insight into the sexual habits of homosexuals and others of their ilk."

 

That piece of crap? I might come back later and destroy it too if I'm bored.

 

"I believe in a national dress code. The National Dress Code (NDC) will be as follows:"

 

Oh lord, he's already into the acronym phase.

 

"All persons must wear clothing from their neck to three inches below their knees when in public or in the presence of children."

 

Because we all know that viewing the upper sternum or lower thighs causes all sorts of violence in the world today.

 

"Women MUST wear dresses. Trousers are NOT lady-like and therefore, women ought not to wear them."

 

How many people wanna take up a collection to give this guy a sex change operation?

 

"Jeans are to be banned."

 

Why? Is denim poisonous?

 

"Any profanity or sexual references on clothing will be banned."

 

Well, they kinda already are, in public anyway.

 

"Businesses must comply with the NDC. Failure to do so will require business owners to sell their operation to the highest bidder."

 

Even the mighty godless imperialistic corporations must bow before my righteous wrath, BWA HA HA HA!

 

"Failure to obey the NDC will be subject to a fine NOT exceeding $10,000 and/or up to 30 days imprisonment."

 

I know some people who barely make that much in an entire year.

 

"I am completely in favor of banning the flawed and blasphemous Theory of Evolution from ever again being taught in public schools."

 

Reminds me of how a lot of people in Germany wanted to ban the teaching about the Holocaust in history classes.

 

"It has paved the way for atheism to take root in this country."

 

Last I checked, this was a country in which we were free to practice any religion we liked, or none at all.

 

"It has also lead to Kinsey's famous sexual "research" that lead to the sexual revolution. This, in turn, has contributed to the moral decay of America."

 

Of course, very similar to how the invention of back seats in cars in the 1920's led to the massive rise in teenage pregnancy we see today. In other words, no.

 

"God created man is his own image and we must never ever forsake His word. If we do, America will end up like Sodom and Gomorrah."

 

If I remember correctly, wasn't Lot the ONLY righteous person in either of those cities? That's a bit worse than even L.A.'s statistics. And of course Lot later on got drunk and impregnated both of his virgin daughters, but hey we don't talk about that.

 

"I support the good moral crusaders in Washington, D.C. who are getting tougher on the War on Drugs."

 

The War on Drugs was a catastrophic failure from the beginning. As punishments grew more strict, drug use actually increased as a whole.

 

"I am in favor of the death penalty for drug dealers, and for a mandatory 10-year prison sentence for anyone caught with ANY illegal drug, including marijuana."

 

Thus speaks a man who has never smoked a joint. Try it sometime, you'll feel a lot better about all the evil demons plaguing your world afterward. And then you'll be put in jail for ten years, but oh well, nothing's perfect.

 

"This mandatory sentence will be required for any amount of possession, no matter how small it may be. This will send a strong, decisive message to drug abusers that their use of drugs will not be tolerated by the American public."

 

Earth to idiot: 90% of illegal drug users are ADDICTS. As in, they can't stop. Think of it this way: how many people do you know who want to quit smoking, but can't? Now realize that many illegal drugs are MUCH more addictive, and surely even a dipshit like yourself can see the problem.

 

"I propose prison reform. This will be as follows:

Prison cells will be made smaller. I would set this to approximately 1/2 of their average current size."

 

So speaks a man who has NEVER been in a jail, even for a school field trip. As it is right now, the cells are about as small as humanly possible. Anything less would be going back to the 1800's.

 

"Prisoners kept in their cells 24/7 (i.e. NEVER leaving their cell during incarceration)." 

 

What if they have a heart attack or something? And they'll really start to stink after the first couple of weeks.

 

"Prisoners will only be fed bread and butter."

 

Butter?! You fat fuck.

 

"NO contact with ANY other human being during incarceration."

 

Um, how? The guards have to interact with the prisoners.

 

"NO TV, medical care, or entertainment of any sort."

 

I love how he regards medical care to be equal to trivial entertainment.

 

"NO sunlight will penetrate a prison cell."

 

Most don't get that already.

 

"Disobedient or rebellious prisoners can be beaten by the guards as punishment."

 

Everybody sing! Look down, look down, don't look 'em in the eye... look down, look down, you're here until you die!

 

"ANY inmate that attempts to escape will be executed on site."

 

This guy sure is in favor of killing a hell of a lot of people.

 

"I will legalize police entrapment operations so that criminals can be caught by police without fear of a lawsuit, as well as to catch potential and aspiring criminals before they actually commit a crime on their own."

 

Ah, so this guy's site is where Spielburg got the Pre-Crime idea.

 

"I also believe police "brutality" is blown out of proportion and that mild violence towards criminals from the police should be accepted."

 

MILD violence, yes. Blowing dozens of holes in innocent unarmed citizens, no.

 

"I believe in Singapore-style anti-terrorist legislation. I propose that anyone suspected of being a terrorist ought to be required, if necessary, to serve up to 5 years in prison without formal charges being brought forward. This will help stop the wave of terrorism sweeping America today."

 

This will also throw a whole mess of people in prison without being given due process of the law. That's what the Inquisition did to heretics, before they burned them.

 

"I am a firm believer in the Temperance movement. I believe that alcohol and tobacco cause a great deal of problems in our country today."

 

Alcohol, yes. Tobacco? You're a fucking idiot.

 

"I favor the return of Prohibition as well as a complete ban on tobacco."

 

Because we all know just how well Prohibition went the first time. So well that they amended the Constitution to end it.

 

"Alcohol causes stroke, and leads to cirrhosis of the liver and dropsy. It is also a leading cause of automobile accidents and suicides. Tobacco causes lung cancer (cigarettes) and throat cancer (chewing tobacco) and is, along with alcohol, a leading cause of premature death in this nation."

 

WE ALREADY KNOW ALL OF THIS.

 

"Tobacco and alcohol are ruining America and it is up to the government to take the initiative to once and for all take tobacco and alcohol off America's streets, out of our schools, out of our stores, and most importantly, out of our culture."

 

Alcohol is already illegal on the streets, both are strictly prohibited in schools, and both are highly legislated as to what stores sell them to who and when.

 

"In order for these goals to be met, we must require all schools and employers to regularly test for tobacco and alcohol, as well as other drugs on a regular basis, and report to the Federal government their findings. Any and all violators will be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."

 

I'm amazed that employee drug testing is legal in the country already. I'm not amazed that you're an ardent fan of it, zealout.

 

"I support a total ban on tattooing. Tattooing is the desecration of one's own body and is indeed harmful. It often causes infections and can result in severe scarring and is very difficult to remove. Therefore, all tattooing ought to be banned as soon as possible."

 

Don't forget to ban body piercing and earrings while you're at it, they're essentially the same thing.

 

"I support implementing a Federal Anti-Vice Squad (FAVS) that will enforce all the morality laws enacted once fellow moralists are elected to high positions in government. The FAVS will have full search and seizure powers and will be able to, for example, demand a spare key from someone to search homes for pornography or tobacco, etc. The FAVS will also be responsible for enforcing the NDC with patrolling of streets and informants on the streets of America."

 

What kind of deranged sociopath goes to see Demolition Man and comes out thinking that society should be our shining ideal?

 

"I support Project Echelon wholeheartedly, as it has undoubtedly saved the United States from countless terrorist attacks and helps fight the war on drugs. Project Echelon monitors ALL telecommunications data for suspicious activity."

 

In other words, he wants to be your Big Brother. Because all you immoral peons can't be trusted to govern yourselves, y'know.

 

"I also support the new Carnivore project underway by the FBI to help catch criminals, including but not limited to: drug dealers, drug users, terrorists, and spies and traitors of the United States of America."

 

The what? Mind explaining exactly what police-state Ashcroftian measure you're throwing your considerable weight behind?

 

"I enjoy politics. I hope to run for local office in the near future."

 

If this actually happens, I will personally drive down to Florida and beat the shit out of you. (Note to law enforcement agencies and court officials: I'm just kidding.)

 

"If I am successful, I will likely run for higher office later on down the road. I will fight as a moralist."

 

We still haven't elected Pat Buchanan, and he's lightyears more reasonable than you, skippy.

 

"I will try to institute the above goals of mine to restore the traditional Judeo-Christian values that our Puritan forefathers founded the United States upon at Plymouth Rock."

 

Actually, the Pilgrims that landed at Plymouth Rock would be INFURIATED to be referred to as "Puritan". Nice to see that you don't know your history either.

 

"I like to watch Benny Hinn's This is Your Day, The Hour of Power with Rev. Robert Schuller, The 700 Club, 60 Minutes, and C-SPAN."

 

Just call him Mr. Pax.

 

"My favorite Gospel songs are: Gimme That Old Time Religion (sung by Jack Scott) and Onward Christian Soldiers."

 

Because we must all fight to return ourselves to the old ways!

 

 

In conclusion, fuck you.

[Guest Flyboy]

Jingus... man, that was great. You should e-mail that to him or something..

[Guest evenflowDDT]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ::takes breath:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

 

Oh my God, Jingus, you've done it again... OUTSTANDING WORK! But then again, I need to commit myself to mental asylum, then turn myself into the federal government and get executed for "gorging" on my daily slice of bread and butter, and attempting "human contact" when I plead to a guard for mercy and pass out on the floor from malnutrition and dehydrated.

 

Geez, free speech is a funny thing isn't it... why is that the people who "abuse it" the most (like this guy) and have the most to gain from it and other basic liberties are always trying to eliminate them?

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

..and to believe some people say we're nuts for being wrestling fans? That guy needs another hobby.

 

Jingus, you rule.

[Guest Flyboy]

 

"Prisoners will only be fed bread and butter."

 

Butter?! You fat fuck.

 

 

That was the fucking line right there.

 

But... but... what about killing kittens, David?

[Guest J*ingus]

You know the one part that I REALLY didn't get? The part about outlawing tattoos. Although that paragraph is pretty funny if you reword it a bit...

 

"I support a total ban on pregnancy. Pregnancy is the desecration of one's own body and is indeed harmful. It often causes infections and can result in severe scarring and is very difficult to remove. Therefore, all pregnancy ought to be banned as soon as possible."

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

Imagine what this would cause..

 

"All persons must wear clothing from their neck to three inches below their knees when in public or in the presence of children."

 

(cue Beavis voice)

"Hey, baby"

*shows knee*

(stunned gasps)

 

Chaos, I tells ya. Chaos.

[Guest WukenBloodstar]

I've never seen a person with such twisted views as this man right here. Can you say..over protective parents and disney movies? Sure guy, blame everything else because you can't get a life..here's a hint. get drunk, get laid, watch porno and smoke a joint..then maybe you could try to join the rest of us.

[Guest Some Guy]

This kid can't be serious, banning head? What is he fucking crazy!?! I'll assume that he's never had his knob polished and doesn't know any better. Maybe this kid should step out into the real world at some point and maybe enjoy it rather than wanting to change everthing about it.

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

That was so great. You really should email that to him. This kid is an insult to catholics everywhere.

[Guest TheDames7]

Hey Jingus, where's the thread on 411, I'd love to see the reaction of those there.

 

Man, you ripped him a new one, I loved it.

 

Dames

[Guest crandamaniac]

This guy is a freaking Idiot!. Jingus, seriously, you did a great job ripping him into pieces. Any idea if this guy's real last name is Hitler?

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

The guy's e-mail is [email protected]. I suggest every one who reads this thread should sign him up for as much free porn e-mail as possible.

[Guest chirs3]

I'm wondering if this guy was joking or not... part of me hopes so, but part of me hopes no because then we can still make fun of him.

 

"Butter?! You fat fuck."

 

Best. Quote. Ever.

[Guest Hitman Jebus]

THIS...WAS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER READ!!!

[Guest MarvinisaLunatic]

Its ashame we overthrew the Taliban in Afghanistan, this dude would have really enjoyed living there.

[Guest CanadianChick]

This guy disgraces Catholics...stupid moron

[Guest The Flying Dutchman]

Not to mention men, whites, and heterosexuals.

[Guest bob_barron]

Hank Hill mode on.

 

That boy just ain't right.

 

Hank Hill mode off

[Guest CanadianChick]

After rereading all of that, I've decided that the guy is just a disgrace to all humans...

[Guest BifEverchad]

After rereading all of that, I've decided that the guy is just a disgrace to all humans...

You took the words right out of my mouth. What a disturbed human being, if you can even call him that.

 

[Guest Shaved Bear]

this guy makes me ashamed to be:

White

Male

Catholic (although alot hasve done that recently)

Republican

alive

[Guest bob_barron]

this guy makes me ashamed to be:

White

Male

Catholic (although alot hasve done that recently)

Republican

alive

I'm not Catholic but he makes me ashamed to be the other stuff

[Guest LexLugerRules]

This guy is Aryan, plain and simple.

 

As a Black man, I found this offensive.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

C'mon Jingus, you're using 120mm artillery shells on the broad side of a barn. McNamara's 19 years old and he's still a senior in high school - most people in my high school were through three years of college by the time they were 19. If the target's so damn easy to hit, the least you could do is use a trick shot.

 

I mean, consider the kid's photos. Sad enough that he'll die a virgin, a chubby misogynistic homophobic racist retard with feral acne isn't exactly a chick magnet, but his opposition to pornography, if sincere, means he'll never even get close as close to a naked woman as jacking off to a Playboy centrefold.

 

But the temptation must be horrible. We have a moral duty to castrate this boy before it overwhelms him. Save the kittens!

[Guest DrTom]

Great post, Jingus.

 

Just so you know, "Carnivore" is thw FBI's once-secret computer program that monitors electronic communications. They've been able to use it in limited doses with the approval of a court, but several recent measures have been proposed that would allow them to use it more often. Ashcroft likes it, which is enough reason for me to hate it.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

GET HIM!

 

Did I miss something? How is he gonna know who's doing anal/oral? Is he gonna have cameras in our houses? I thought he was against spying...

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

Add another person to my hitlist:

 

Chris Welch

L. Brent Bozell III

David McNamara

 

 

 

 

 

((Disclaimer: My hitlist is not a list of people I intend to murder. But accidents do happen...))

[Guest Ravenbomb]

he'll be hiding in his parents basement talking to God on a 2-way walkie-talkie by the time he's 30, I'll bet you $100 he will...

[Guest J*ingus]

"No, officer, he just ran into my bullet. Yeah, 27 times in a row, in the head, backwards. Weirdest thing. Oh, and he was screaming something about how all cops are really fucking worthless bigoted pigs who let child rape-murderers go free while accepting their bribe money from crack dealers and getting fucked up the ass by male prostitutes. What's that, I'm free to go? Sweet!"

 

And Marney, if you think you can do better, go ahead. No, I'm serious, really rip 'im up, I'd love to see it and this asshole deserves everything he gets and more.

 

EDIT: nobody responded to it at all on 411, Dames.