SJL Metal (August 8, 2002)

[Guest HVilleThugg]

BOOM!!

 

BAM!!

 

KABOOM!!

 

Explosions...pyro...cheers...signs...the usual! It's SJL METAL!!!

 

“Hello and welcome to SJL Metal. I’m the Aussie sensation Axis along side SWF WORLD CHAMPEEN, Eddie MAC-Phis-TOOOOOO and THE SUICIDE KING!” Bellows Axis into his special Mark Stevens style mic that causes his voice to boom. “And tonight we’ll bring you an amazing show with a Hardkore match-up and European title match between to of the six men involved in our man event of the evening!”

 

“Yup we have a six man tag booked after last Crimson.”

 

“And “The Franchise” became just that, the number one guy in the company after winning a hard fought battle over CIA.”

 

“Please Mak sent him to concussion junction and would have finished the job if Jenkins and Thor didn’t interfere. Now there in over their heads as the have to tango with the sWo!”

 

“Well I beg to diff - ”

 

And just like that "Ashes In The Fall" by Rage Against The Machine. Axis just cries into his mic as he’s never given a word edge wise over the sWo. As the new sound blast over the PA System, Fugue and MVS walk out directly followed by Mak Francis and Matt Myers to the T in sWo gear. Y2K surprisingly is not with the group but that may be because he has the night off.

 

BAM! BAM! BAM!

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

 

A huge pyrotechnic explosion erupts for the center of the stage, as the sWo members raise their hands in respect for the former IGNWO mastermind.

 

“Greeting to all my pals here in The Nassu Collesium.” Says Francis for cheap pop, which he doesn’t get. “But I really don’t know where the hell we are. Is this in that Podunk, USA place I’ve heard so much about?”

 

And the crowd goes off booing the group until they’re blue in the face but it doesn’t matter to Francis, as he is finally the best in the business…for now.

 

“Well I just wanted to let you all know that as your GRAND SLAM and World Champion I hate…er…love each and everyone of you people. I’m a champion for the people by the people and I’ll be damned if I won’t – bah I can’t even say this crap anymore. I hate you all, I hate CIA and I’m the World Champ so if you don’t like it…deal with it!”

 

“I had a long acceptance speech all planned out but you jackasses had to ruin my moment just like Holly-WOOD! Well later tonight we’re going to grind him in dust along with Thor and that’ll just leave CIA. My worthy foe you’ll get yours sooner than later and after it goes down you’ll look like a million bucks…thanks to me Mak Francis!”

 

The crowd boos like a mother as Francis mutters under his breath about not getting pops and he hands Mike Van Siclen the mic.

 

“I have a hardcore match with Ironman Tony Brogan. He’s just another nothing shootfighter that thinks he can get into the ring and grappler with the Amazin One. Hell no I’m Mike Van Siclen and I don’t tap out or get knocked out so when you get into the ring with me I’ll dump you on your head for the one, two three…courtesy of the VanSiclenator and each and everybodies sWo true MVP!”

 

MVS paces about the ring giving the mic to Matt Myers who is more than irate at the fans already.

 

“But on to other matters as later tonight we handle some uppity crowd whores in need of a beating. Spike Jenkins thinks he can attack us. He’s not even on the radar blip of things we need to deal with. Spike when you get some talent and a title call us and we’ll book another beating for you!”

 

“And Thor don’t even get me started on the comic book reject - ” but Fugue calmly asks Matt for the mic. Matt wants to continue on but releases the mic anyways.

 

“Great now that nutjob Fugue’s got the mic.”

 

"And I know what you're thinking, Thor. You're thinking, Thank you, sWo. Thank you for helping me find my true potential as a fighter. And you know what, Thor? You're welcome. That's why we're here. But you still won't be able to beat us tonight." Adds Fugue begging the crowd to boos him smiling as always and they oblige.

 

“That’s the first semi corherient thing he’s said in a SJL ring.”

 

“Man that smile is still creepy…”

 

“I love it Edwin. It strikes fear into the hearts of crowd whores. Must be why you’re afraid.”

 

Matt and the rest of the sWo blink in unison at Fugue’s comment. “Yes Fugue in your own…uh…way you are correct. But tonight when I make my in ring return all you fans I tried to please will understand why Matt Myers is back and out for blood!”

 

“Well that’s all we have to say about that…Thank you and bow down one more time to the NEW World Champion…Mr. Main Event…the number one guy in the business today…“The Franchise” Mak Francis!”

 

“Boy his ego is getting huge.”

 

“It’s justified he’s the World Champ.”

 

And with that the sWo leave the ring and SJL Metal is of to an hectic start…

[Guest HVilleThugg]

The Nassau Coliseum is dead silent, as 15,000 fans are angrily glaring down at Funyon, who is standing in the middle of the ring. A huge blast of pyro goes off as the SmarkTron™ displays clips from the latest JL shows, sending noise echoing throughout the arena. As the pyro dies down, the arena remains silent, still staring at Funyon. Funyon looks over to the announce table, where Axis shrugs, Edwin gives him a motion to get going, and King grabs his Coke to throw at Funyon. Funyon nervously turns back to the soundless crowd and raises the mic to his lips.

 

Funyon: This match is sche…

 

Funyon is immediately drowned out by tremendous boos from every fan in the building. Axis and Edwin look up in surprise as King smiles, staring at Funyon, who is visibly sweating. As suddenly as the fans started, they stop again, and the arena plunges back into quiet. Funyon looks up and starts again.

 

Funyon: First, making his way…OW! KING!

 

King: Heh heh heh…

 

Funyon: First, making his way to the ring, DARK SCORPIAN!

 

“Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” by Britney Spears plays and a guy standing somewhere between 5’ and 7’ walks out onto the ramp carrying a gigantic aquarium with a drape over it. The man walks down to the ring and slides the aquarium into the ring before the pop sensation stops, and the arena is silent once again.

 

Edwin: What the heck is in that tank?

 

Axis: Maybe the hacked-up pieces of Dark Scorpian….that’d explain why he never showed.

 

Suddenly, the silence is broken once again by “Escape” by Enrique Iglesias. A man dressed like a UPS delivery man walks on stage, dragging a gigantic crate along behind him. He drags the heavy wooden crate behind him as he brings it down to the ring.

 

Funyon: And the other d00d….JOHN COUGAR!

 

King: Maybe this is the caged John Cougar…he never seemed to show either.

 

Suddenly, the UPS man opens the giant crate, revealing a black cougar. At the same time, the man in the ring dumps the contents of the aquarium onto the floor of the ring. 1000 scorpions start to scuttle around the ring as the cougar charges into the ring and begins to attack the scorpions, eating as many as he can get his jaw on.

 

Edwin: What the bloody hell…

 

Axis: I think I get it….since Cougar and Scorpian aren’t showing, that means that a cougar and scorpions are gonna fight instead! What an idea by the Boston Strangler! Give him a medal or something!

 

King: I gladly would, because he’s that damn good, folks!

 

The cougar continues eating scorpions as the scorpions regroup, stinging the cougar. The cougar continues to no-sell the poison injections and keeps on eating. Suddenly, the cougar freezes, and drops to the floor of the ring. Matty Kivell looks at the cougar and signals for the bell before scorpions overwhelm him, killing him as well.

 

Funyon: Your winner, the sco…

 

Suddenly the crowd explodes into cheers as “Sail Away” by Enya hits, and G0R0 comes stomping through the crowd, flattening a few dozen on the way.

 

Edwin: There are gonna be a LOT of lawsuits after this one.

 

Axis: Nah! Everyone beigns lovingz G0R0!

 

King: OMGODZ)#@(&%(*#^%*^$%($3

 

G0R0 charges into the ring and smashes the ring into tiny little bits. All the scorpions are ground to a pulp, leaving G0R0 as the only man standing.

 

Funyon: YOU BEIGNS HAVINGZ NEW WEINERZ! IZ G0R0! OMGODZ#(*^(*&^*#&^%$*(^#

 

Axis: What a match!

 

King: Yeah!

 

Edwin: That bloody sucked.

 

G0R0: G0R0 SMASH!

 

G0R0 grabs Edwin and rubs his face in the guts of the scorpions as the entire arena smiles. No cheers, but only smiles, as the fans beigns loving G0R0.

 

Axis: We’ll be back!

 

King: What a waste of time…

[Guest HVilleThugg]

A graphic appears in the upper right hand corner of the camera that says “Earlier today”.

 

In the arena, before the matches have started, before the pyro explodes and the commentators babble, backstage the wrestlers prepare for their matches. In the locker room a tall beast of a man is hunched over, lacing up his boots. Suddenly a pair of pants move next to the hunched over giant. The pants give the fans the idea who they belong to as down the side of them are the letters C... I... A. As if the identity of the hulking, red headed brute wasn’t already completely obvious he stands and his face reveals that he is Thor.

 

The camera pans back a bit, just enough to get a view of both wrestlers frames. C.I.A. smiles from beneath his mask and speaks to the lumbering giant before him. “Hey there Thor! I’m glad I caught you, I wanted to discuss the strategy for tonight’s six man tag team match, eh.” Thor has a serious look on his face as he stares into the blue eyes of C.I.A. The cold glare is suddenly broken by a hearty deep voiced chuckle from the God of Thunder and a slap on C.I.A.’s leather jacketed back, causing the grappler to stumble forward, in fact, almost taking him forward off his feet. “Hail friend C.I.A.! It does my heart good to see you. Tell me, what were thine thoughts on the match?”

 

C.I.A. is a little puzzled by Thor’s odd speech patterns, but he shrugs it off. “Yeah... Thor I was thinking that maybe you could go in there first and maybe rough up the opposition and then Jenkins could get in there and confuse the hell out of them and then I could get in there and finish them off eh? I mean, you’ve got the strength of ten men, and I know it’ll kill Francis to not get me in the ring right away.” Thor thinks deep on the subject for a moment or two and then, “By Odin’s bristling beard, that is a wonderful idea. Such villainy must be brought to task, and swiftly. Though I have one concern. Who amongst us wilt make the pinfall on the vile sWo? ‘Tis a part of the match most necessary for victory, but ‘tis also the most glorious part of the match and swelled heads may prevail.”

 

Once again C.I.A. stops for a moment, sorting out exactly what it was Thor said. “You know, big guy, if you can crack a few sWo skulls, hit ‘em with a crack of thunder, you get on them like white on snow, eh?.” Thor nods his head in agreement “Aye, ‘tis another wonderful idea that hast flowed from thy brain to thy lips!” C.I.A. smiles in agreement “Thanks Thor. Hey I thought that maybe later on after the match, you might want to go out to a pub and grab a beer eh?” Thor’s face is now puzzled “Thou must be referring to mead.” C.I.A. tries to explain it to Thor “No, no Thor, a beer, B-E-E-R!” Thor shoots back “Mead, M-E-A-D.”

 

C.I.A. shakes his head and says “Never mind, just join me for an alcoholic beverage later eh?” Thor looks like a cow to an oncoming train and says “Surely. Why didst thou not say so before?” C.I.A. chuckles to himself and walks out of the room. Thor shakes his head and says “Silly mortals.” and chuckles before turning around and tightening the laces on one of his boots.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Axis: Here we go folks. Coming up next we have the European champion Thor facing “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins. This match promises to be something special as not only will these two be pounding the hell out of each other now, they actually have to team up alongside CIA to face the sWo members Matt Myers, Fugue, and the World champion “The Franchise” Mak Francis.

 

King: Finally, a fair match.

 

Edwin: What are you talking about King? The sWo will have all fresh members and the other team will have two members that have already competed tonight.

 

King: Exactly, its going to be perfectly fair.

 

Funyon steps into the ring and he receives a mild catcall from some eccentric fans up front. He gives them a wink and raises the mic to speak “Ladies and gentlemen, this bout is scheduled for one fall and it is for the SJL European championship. Introducing first...”

 

Funyon waits dramatically to finish his announcing as multicolored lights begin to flash and pulsate all throughout the arena as The Kottenmouth Kings “Peace not Greed” begins to rock the house as the lights focus on the curtain. This prompts “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins himself to emerge from the backstage area as the fans mildly pop at his arrival. He jogs down to the ring as the lights begin to fill the arena again. He hops in the ring and onto the second turnbuckle, he throws his arms up into the air for the crowd, as he is the recipient of warm applause.

 

Funyon begins his speech again “Introducing first, he weighs in at two hundred and twenty pounds... ‘HOLLYWOOD’ SPIKE JENKIIIIINSS!!” The crowd cheers again at the mention of the fighter’s name. Jenkins hops down from his perch on the second turnbuckle and awaits the arrival of his opponent, a slight look of fear in his eyes.

 

Suddenly the arena is plunged into darkness. A lone blue spotlight casts its beam on the curtain. The opening guitar chords signaling KISS “God of Thunder” are being played, as a lightning bolt strikes the stage, causing it to fill up with smoke. The music begins to drive but is nearly drowned out by the fans cheering uncontrollably for the wrestler about to enter. The song reaches a climax and blue and white pyros shoot off in opposite directions while the frightening lyrics of Gene Simmons kick in and Thor himself steps through the curtain to the unfettered applause of the fans. He walks down the aisle, high fiving the fans as he passes and hops up to the ring apron, stepping gracefully over the top rope.

 

Funyon speaks again “Now entering the ring. He tips the scales at three hundred and forty five pounds and he is the SJL European champion... he is the Norse God of Thunder... THOOOOORRR!!” The fans cheer like mad when they hear Funyon’s voice ring out.

 

Axis: These two men competed for that vacant European title a week or so ago on Wrath, but with the heavy interference from Matt Myers, it was hard for either man to get ahead.

 

Edwin: But with a little help from yours truly, I made sure the match had an honest ending. BOOYAH!!

 

King: Just because you are the commissioner, doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want.

 

Edwin pulls out his contract and hands it to King.

 

King: Oh... so it does.

 

Thor stands in the ring after handing his hammer, cape, and European title belt over to the ref. Jenkins lifts his arms up in the usual “tough guy” pose, almost mockingly to Thor, to which he responds by flexing his enormous arms in the same fashion. The referee calls for the match to begin as the two competitors grin at each other.

 

DING!! DING!! DING!!

 

The two fan favorites approach each other cautiously, but collectedly. Jenkins, who is now standing in the middle of the ring, holds up his hands with his fingers spread apart, goading Thor to respond. Thor looks at the crowd and then decides to pick up the punk card that was dropped and he locks his fingers in with Jenkins’, much to the delight of the crowd. Instead of waiting to see what Jenkins has, he just squeezes his fingers, causing “Hollywood” to yell in pain.

 

Jenkins drops to one knee as Thor smiles from beneath his red beard. As Spike collapses to his knees Thor gets an idea. He tucks Jenkins’ head between his legs and brings him to a standing position and mercifully releases his hold on Jenkins’ hand. Thor then less mercifully flips Spike up into a sitting position on his shoulders and then slams him down hard to the canvas with a powerbomb. Thor then steps back, seeing what he’s done and bounces off the ropes and comes right back at Jenkins who is just barely to his feet attempting a clothesline. Jenkins either saw it coming or is extremely lucky as he ducked down in time to avoid it. Thor turns around in confusion but gets planted with a dropkick, knocking him into the ropes.

 

Axis: Some fast paced action already in this match. Thor charging for the clothesline but Jenkins ducks and hits Thor with a dropkick.

 

Edwin: It should be interesting to see how these two coexist in the six man tag team match later on.

 

King: Bah!

 

After being dropkicked into the ropes, Thor regains himself, but at the same time Jenkins has bounced off the opposing ropes and is now heading towards Thor. Jenkins makes a blind leap at Thor but Thor has the move scouted as he simply flips Jenkins over his head and over the top rope to the floor. Thor turns to see Jenkins deposited neatly on the floor, but makes no effort to help him into the ring as the referee begins the count out.

 

ONE!!

 

TWO!!

 

Jenkins is motionless.

 

THREE!!

 

FOUR!!

 

Jenkins begins to stir.

 

FIVE!!

 

SIX!!

 

Jenkins is on his knees.

 

SEVEN!!

 

EIGHT!!

 

Jenkins is on his feet, though wobbly.

 

NINE!!

 

Jenkins rolls into the ring just in the nick of time to avoid being counted out. The fans are now cheering for this exuberant, if slightly dazed youngster as he reaches his feet in the ring. Thor stands on the opposite side of the ring and stares at Spike, then smirking and giving a nod to his opponent as if to say “You came back from that, we should have a good match.” Jenkins responds by enthusiastically jumping in the air while spinning, facing the crowd with both hands in the air.

 

Axis: A display of mind games between the two wrestlers, each trying to psyche out their opponent.

 

Edwin: After that bump that Jenkins took, I’m surprised he’s standing, let alone showboating for his fans.

 

King: Yeah both of ‘em.

As King says that discouraging remark, the camera pans the crowd, passing over many a Spike Jenkins sign.

 

The crowd claps for the wrestlers’ psychology towards each other as they actually prepare to fight now. The two familiar adversaries go right at it as Jenkins nails Thor in the face with a right hand, and Thor responds with one of his own which knocks Spike on his keester. Jenkins then springs forward from his sitting position and spears the leg out form beneath Thor, causing the giant to tumble to the mat. Jenkins wastes no time as he drags Thor more towards the middle of the ring, and hooks on a half Boston crab and begins to lean back, extending the knee beyond its normal limits.

 

Unfortunately the size of Thor is too much as he inches himself forward a bit and then grabs the bottom rope, prompting the referee to force Jenkins to break the hold. Only Jenkins holds on a little longer than he should, causing Thor to make Jenkins break the hold by kicking his leg back, flinging Spike off like a gnat. Thor stands up, favoring his knee slightly, as the crowd cheers for Thor’s display of strength. Jenkins gets up and moves towards Thor and jumps for a spin kick, square to the side of the head. Thor ducks it and grabs Jenkins by the arm and whips him into the ropes, upon his return he is greeted by Thor’s big boot to the face, sending him down to the mat like a shot.

 

Axis: Single leg Boston crab by Jenkins, Thor escapes. And Spike gets planted by Thor’s big boot.

 

Edwin: Well, Spike Jenkins is a resilient bloke, no one can deny that. But Thor is just so big and powerful, it ought to be interesting to see just what strategies Jenkins will use to try and put the big man under.

 

King: Both of these guys suck, why can’t we get some real talent in here?

 

Edwin: Because they’re all in the SWF. *Edwin polishes his championship belt*

 

The sound of a trumpet playing that little melody when somebody loses is heard.

 

Jenkins is slow to get to his feet, but just as he does, Thor grabs him from behind. Jenkins fights Thor off with several back elbows to the head and the behemoth finally releases his grip. After being released, Spike immediately bounces off the ropes and with his trademark lightning fast speed, jumps and hooks his legs around Thor’s neck, spinning him to the ground in a hurrincanrana. The crowd cheers for the high-speed maneuver and when Jenkins gets to his feet and catches a recently standing Thor with a superkick, stumbling him backwards into the corner.

 

“Hollywood” takes a page out of Thor’s book and rears back with a chop across Thor’s chest prompting a somewhat hesitant “WHOOO!!” from the crowd. Thor is just standing there with that look of “Are you serious?” on his face. Jenkins goes for another chop and this time Thor mocks Jenkins by picking his teeth, disinterested. Spike gets a little bit discouraged and kicks Thor in the gut and tries to whip him into the opposite turnbuckle. Thor decides he doesn’t want to go, mid-way in the ring and reverses the momentum to send Jenkins flying into that turnbuckle. Thor wastes no time as he delivers a big chop to Jenkins chest, drawing a highly enthusiastic “WHOOO!!” from the sold out crowd. He gives another chop and gets another “WHOOO!!” with Jenkins obviously not too thrilled about the big soup bone being smacked across his chest. Thor then whips Spike but brings him right back and to the mat with a short arm clothesline.

 

Axis: Spike wants to get tough, and Thor shows him how it’s done.

 

King: Athleticism? These guys could both learn a thing or two from watching some tapes of my matches.

 

Edwin: What? Like how to sneak a foreign object in the ring? Or how to hold onto a submission hold just long enough that you cant be disqualified?

 

King: Yes.

 

Thor backs off in order to allow Jenkins to get to his feet, when he does Thor hooks his head and arm and quickly pulls him up in an elevated stalling suplex. Thor holds him there for a long time but Thor falls forward, attempting to smash Spike to the mat face first but Jenkins pulls up his feet and instead of Thor bringing Jenkins to the mat, “Hollywood” reverses the move into a DDT. Thor lies on the mat for just long enough so that Jenkins has time to jump to the top turnbuckle and leaps off, having calculated the time that Thor would be down for, he knew that by the time he leapt off that Thor would be standing so he puts his feet into missile dropkick position. Thor is standing but he has other plans.

 

Thor grabs Jenkins’ feet in mid-air and puts them over his shoulders and he sits down, therefore driving Spike to the canvas with a sit-out powerbomb. The crowd cheers wildly for the inventive reversal, but they cheer even louder when Thor stands right up after executing the move and puts his arms up once again in the classic “tough guy” pose, showing off his amazing physique for the crowd. This showboating apparently doesn’t sit too well with Spike Jenkins as he frantically jumps onto Thor’s back and tries to cut off the blood to his brain with a sleeper hold. Thor knows exactly what to do as he kicks his feet up in the air and crushes his opponent between himself and the mat as the crowd eats up the action.

 

Edwin: Wow, Spike just got driven to the mat. Get it? See, his name is Spike and he got driven to the mat... driving a spike?

 

King: Yes Eddie, we get it.

 

Edwin: I don’t think you do, you see when you put together a railroad...

 

King cutting Edwin off: I said we get it! Drop it already!

 

Both men are a little sluggish getting up but Thor reaches his feet first and steadies himself on the top rope. Spike gets up next and quickly charges at Thor, who promptly bends down so as to backdrop his attacker. Instead of going for a backdrop, Jenkins actually steps onto Thor’s back and then onto the top rope, his balance very shaky. Thor turns around, puzzled, but he has time to see Spike on the top rope leaping at him and twisting him to the ground with a spinning DDT, much to the delight of the enthusiastic crowd.

 

Spike gets up and holds both of his arms up for the crowd and they cheer warmly for him. But suddenly the cheers get suspiciously loud and Jenkins turns around to see the huge figure of Thor behind him. Thor wraps his big hands around Jenkins’ neck and lifts him up in the air, despite Spike trying to wriggle free. Thor then brings Jenkins down in the Divine Hammer. Thor stands up and thrusts one fist into the air, showboating for the fans.

 

Axis: Both of these men seem to be competing for the love of this crowd in an interesting display of competition.

 

Edwin: Yes indeed both of these men are fan favorites but... they’re not as over as me!

 

Edwin stands up at the announcers’ table with his championship belt raised high in the air while the fans roar their approval.

 

King: Or me!

 

King also stands up with his arms outstretched to a hideous mass of boos and a full container of Pepsi smacking him in the head.

 

King: Loved or hated, I’m still over!

 

Jenkins gets to his feet as Thor turns away from the crowd to face him and Thor gets caught with a boot to the stomach from Jenkins. Spike starts to hammer away at Thor’s midsection with rights and lefts but he then switches to a combination of martial arts like kicks. “Hollywood” culminates his offense with a firm super kick and a reverse DDT, taking Thor down to the mat right by the ropes. Jenkins gets an idea and he bounds to the opposing ropes and rolls on the mat, he flips in the air and lands in a senton bomb. Spike just executed the Rolling Thunder on Thor who shockingly sits right up and waves his finger at a very surprised Jenkins.

 

Thor then stands up and grabs Spike by the neck and lifts him up with one arm, holding Spike high in the air and then slamming him to the mat, in the same place that he himself was knocked down in. Thor then looks at the fans and then he runs full force into the ropes and then rolls on the mat in front of Jenkins and then flips in the air, landing in a leg drop, crushing the sternum of Spike. The crowd cheers like mad as Thor makes the cover.

 

1

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2

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Spike Jenkins just barely gets the shoulder up before the count of three.

 

Axis: Tremendous resilience shown by the youngster after taking that vicious Rolling Thunder from Thor.

 

Edwin: I still cant believe that a seven foot, three hundred and forty five pound man can do the Rolling Thunder. It is one hell of an incredible sight.

 

King: He’s probably hooked up to some sort of a wench.

 

Edwin: I didn’t know your mom was here tonight King.

 

Thor gets up quickly after his spectacular maneuver and crouches down waiting for Spike to get up. Jenkins dizzily gets to his feet, but soon regains his bearings when Thor comes charging at him full speed. Jenkins attempts to counter Thor’s momentum with a Lou Thez press but Thor sees that as the perfect opportunity for a bearhug. Thor grasps his arms around Spike and begins squeezing like a vice. Jenkins is yelling in pain until he almost passes out. His face purple and lifeless. The referee goes to him and lifts up his arm, it drops without hesitation. The referee shouts “ONE!!” as he then proceeds to lift up the arm again, and again it drops. “TWO!!” yells the ref as he cautiously lifts the arm up again...

 

It stalls in mid-air and the eyes of Spike Jenkins spring open and he begins to struggle. He desperately fires off some shots to Thor’s head, doing anything he can to stagger the giant. Finally, with the crowd semi-behind him, he kicks Thor in the groin which somehow or another is missed by the referee. Thor has no alternative but to release the hold and to drop to his knees. Jenkins pauses to catch his breath, but sees his window of opportunity and goes for it. Spike bounces off the ropes and comes back with a roll, he then snaps out of his ball shape in a jump, grabs Thor’s neck and snaps it back. The crowd cheers their approval of the move as Jenkins goes for the cover.

 

1

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2

.

 

Thor kicks out with authority, sending Jenkins flying off of him to the side.

 

Axis: Strong kick out by Thor after that fantastic rolling neckbreaker.

 

Edwin: Jenkins pulls off these high risk maneuvers and the crowd loves him for it.

 

King: The crowd means nothing. One minute they love you, the next minute your the most hated man in the company. Never give the fans anything, they’ll turn on you like a snake in the grass.

 

Jenkins stands up with a puzzled look on his face, wondering what it will take to put Thor down. Thor reaches his feet and immediately whips Jenkins into the turnbuckle, which on collision with, Jenkins flips over top of it and lands on the ring apron. Thor turns to see this feat but Jenkins has already climbed the turnbuckles and leaps off, but instead of countering the maneuver in some way, Thor just steps out of the way and “Hollywood” comes crashing to the mat.

 

After a moment or two, Thor helps his opponent to his feet, only he keeps going. Thor lifts Spike above his head with ease and presses him once... twice... three times and then tosses him in the air and he comes crashing to the mat with a huge thud. Jenkins lays on the mat making horribly pained faces as Thor attempts to pick him up again. Spike doesn’t allow it however as he fires several mean right hands to the jaw of the Thunder God, dazing him slightly. Jenkins then jumps and plants Thor with a dropkick, causing him to stumble to the corner.

 

Axis: Wow, Thor is able to lift Jenkins above his head without breaking a sweat.

 

Edwin: I am honestly shocked that we’ve seen no sign of the sWo in this match. They usually poke their noses into everyone’s business.

 

King: What are you talking about? The sWo have done absolutely nothing to harm anybody else.

 

Axis and Edwin both stare at King.

 

Thor comes back out of the corner and runs at Jenkins and Spike punches Thor in the chest and then hooks his head for a DDT but Thor refuses to go down. Thor instead lifts Jenkins up in a suplex and smashes him down to the canvas. Spike stumbles to his feet a few seconds later and then jumps to the second rope and springboards back with a kick, knocking Thor into the ropes, Thor bounces back and leaps in the air, taking him down with a high cross body block.

 

The Thunder God gets to his feet first and Jenkins follows shortly after. Spike catches Thor off guard with a kick to the midsection and grabs Thor while he’s stunned and hits a horribly sloppy looking Highlighter on him, causing the crowd to pop nonetheless. He goes for the cover.

 

1

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2

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Thor gets the shoulder up prompting the crowd to yell and cheer like mad. Jenkins is in complete shock that his finisher still wasn’t enough to put Thor down. Thor gets slowly to his feet and sees the look on Jenkins’ face, causing him to crack a smile.

 

Axis: The Highlighter still wasn’t enough to take out the God of Thunder!

 

Edwin: Have you ever wondered what is actually in squeeze cheese?

 

King: What!?!?

 

Edwin: There’s no actual cheese in it you know. Its all bi-products.

 

Thor knows that Jenkins doesn’t have much left so he decides to go for the gold. Thor whips Spike into the ropes and catches him in with a back breaker that sounds like it did just that as Thor points to the turnbuckle and the crowd buzzes with excitement. Thor reaches the top and turns around only to find that his victim is nowhere to be found. He has no time to reason however, as Jenkins pushes him off the top turnbuckle and he crashes to the canvas below. Thor lies in a heap in the center of the ring as Jenkins himself gets to the top of the turnbuckles.

 

The crowd buzzes again as they sense something big. Jenkins holds both of his arms up in the air and then leaps off high in the air as he brings his hands to his knees before opening up completely and landing in a beautiful five star frog splash. After hitting the ratings grabber, Jenkins makes the cover.

 

1

.

.

2

.

.

 

Thor kicks out. Jenkins moves the dirty blonde hair from his eyes in disbelief as Thor stands up. Spike tries to stop Thor with lefts and rights but they are met with no reaction as Thor kicks Jenkins in the midsection and then lifts him upside down, with his head tucked between Thor’s legs. Thor flips up Spike’s legs and then drops him square on his head in the Ragnarok piledriver, causing the fans to cheer like mad.

 

Axis: Thor hit the Ragnarok, this could mean the end for Spike Jenkins.

 

Edwin is busy eating squeeze cheese from the can.

 

King: That is disgusting Edwin. You make me sick.

 

Edwin sprays some squeeze cheese on Axis.

 

Thor, instead of going for the cover stops and looks at the crowd. They cheer like crazy for the towering European champion and he doesn’t disappoint as he points at the turnbuckle the crowds pop only intensifies. Thor walks over to the corner and starts to climb. When Thor reaches the top, he throws one arm up in the air and leaps off, flashbulbs illuminate the leap as he comes crashing down on top of Spike Jenkins with the Crack of Thunder, causing the ring to shake.

 

The crowd completely looses it as Thor goes for the cover.

 

1

.

.

2

.

.

3

 

DING!! DING!! DING!!

 

Thor beat Jenkins with the Crack of Thunder. The Thunder God rolls off Jenkins and stands up as Funyon announces from his ringside seat “Your winner of the match, and still SJL European champion... THOOOOORRR!!” The crowd explodes as the champion’s name is mentioned and the referee hands Thor his belt and holds up Thor’s hand signifying his victory as his music kicks in on the speakers. The sound of the music is more or less drowned out by the massive crowd’s appreciation of Thor.

 

Axis: What a spectacular match! Tons of great ring work shown by both competitors and an onslaught of wonderful spots, sure to make the highlight reel.

 

Edwin speaks with a mouth full of squeeze cheese: Thor picks up the win over “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins with the Crack of Thunder elbow drop. Terrific contest, and its only the second match of the night!

 

King: Ewww...

 

Thor climbs up to the second turnbuckle and shows off his belt to the crowd. He walks back to the middle of the ring and does the “tough guy” pose again much to the delight of the highly enthusiastic crowd. By this time, Spike Jenkins, Thor’s teammate later on in the evening, has gotten up. Thor notices his opponents presence and the two look at each other, Jenkins breathing hard but a certain intensity befalls his face. The two men walk toward each other and look deep into each other’s eyes. The intense moment is broken by Thor holding up his hand.

 

Jenkins looks at the hand, knowing what the gesture indicates. Then he looks at the European title belt slung over Thor’s shoulder that he fought so hard for. He then looks at Thor’s face, serious but happy. Jenkins then responds by high fiving his soon to be teammate and the crowd gives a warm pop to the mutual display of respect. Thor then holds up Jenkins arm as if to signify that he is a winner too.

 

Axis: The two display a rare show of good sportsmanship. After pounding the hell out of each other, we’ll just have to see if they can still suck it up and co-exist as a team in the six man tag later on.

 

Edwin is now drawing on the announcers’ table using the squeeze cheese.

 

Edwin: Look Axis, I drew King!

 

The camera shows us a glimpse of a crudely drawn picture of the Suicide King complete with squiggly lines radiating off of him.

 

King: Oh that’s great Edwin. Look at that you’ve got the stink lines and everything.

 

Axis: Please stay tuned for more great action from the SJL.

 

King purposely knocks Edwin’s daiquiri onto Edwin’s cheesy masterpiece.

 

King mockingly: Oops, was that me? A thousand pardons your commissionership.

 

Edwin: You’ll get yours my fine fellow.

 

The camera fades out with a view of Thor with his European belt slung over his shoulder walking up the ramp, a proud look on his face. Closely following behind him is “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins who holds his midsection in aggravation.

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Fans scream.

 

Time passes.

 

Axis farts.

 

Time passes.

 

Booing begins.

 

Time passes.

 

Edwin farts.

 

Cheers begin.

 

Time passes.

 

King clears his throat.

 

The fans leave.

 

Time passes

 

The fans come back.

 

Time passes.

 

An orgy breaks out in the 3rd row.

 

Edwin tries to join them.

 

Axis stops him.

 

Edwin pouts.

 

Funyon farts.

 

GORO eats some children.

 

Sarah recites a haiku.

 

Jacob Helmsley makes love to a pipe.

 

Edwin makes love to a panda.

 

Thugg no sells.

 

King cheats.

 

Everyone is confused.

 

Where are they?

 

Hogan is old.

 

Brock isn’t ready.

 

This match sucks.

 

Cole and Tazz are getting better, but they still suck.

 

Nidia is a whore.

 

What?? The announce table?

 

Hogan no sells.

 

A slow, ugly, fake punch from Hogan.

 

Cole oversells.

 

Hmmm, that’s interesting…a match with no wrestling moves.

 

Oops…Hogan for the 10 punch, but Brock powerbombs him straight to hell…BAH GAWD!!!

 

Hogan hulks up.

 

He’s hulked.

 

Fans scream.

 

Hogan no sells.

 

Hogan wags finger.

 

Big boot.

 

Clap.

 

Ropes.

 

No sell by Brock.

 

F5!

 

No!

 

Countered.

 

Big Boot.

 

Leg drop.

 

Kick out by Brock.

 

This is an awful match.

 

Brock oversells Hogan’s punches.

 

Another boot!

 

Heyman cheats.

 

Hogan chokes him

 

Brock hits Hogan.

 

F5!

 

It’s over!

 

No…Brock looks around for an hour…

 

Brock lifts him back up.

 

Bear hug.

 

Why am I writing about this terrible match?

 

Oh yeah, because there are two people who love the cock.

 

Hogan’s bleeding from the mouth.

 

Gee, that looks real.

 

Hogan dies in the ring.

 

Talk about an anticlimactic ending.

 

Brock keeps hold on.

 

Now he’s up.

 

Why did that suck so bad?

 

Why do MVS and Ironman love the cock?

 

Why are they overselling the bearhug?

 

Uh oh…steel chair.

 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

This is gonna be funny.

 

Bye referee.

 

Get up Hogan

 

ROCKY! ROCKY! PANDA! ROCKY!

 

King wets himself with excitement.

 

Well damn…now Hogan’s dead.

 

Best part of the match…Brock hitting Hogan in the head with a chair.

 

Now, that’s sad.

 

Edwin is appalled.

 

And back Brock goes for more….hahaha

 

He should just kill Hogan. Pull a gun out and shoot him.

 

Anyway…yeah…that was dumb.

 

Axis is back from his trip to Syndey.

 

Funyon is done masturbating.

 

So, we can go to commercial so we can actually have some matches.

 

**See, you could have even wrote this, and you would have gotten credit for showing up. Well, instead…you all have to read my random thoughts at 10:03 EDT.**

 

(Axis) – We’ll be right back folks…

 

(King) – Let’s hope MVS and Ironman are done ass fucking when we get back.

 

**Commercial for MVS brand K-Y Jelly…perfect for those time you have to….ahem…double no show.**

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Axis: “Welcome back to SJL Metal! Coming up next, Kamikaze takes on the returned Manson-“

King: “In our second filler-match-between-double-duty-wrestling..”

Axis: “-who soundly trounced the wrestler formerly known as the Plague.. Insane Luchador.”

Edwin: “Oh, give it a rest, King. Tonight is a true test of Thor and Spike’s ability to go the distance. And since Manson proved against Rickman that he could stay the distance, what’s a little farther between him and the World Title shot he’ll receive on Wrath?”

King: “That has absolutely nothing to do with anything I just said. You’re an imbecile.”

Edwin: “Is that what you just said?”

King: “That’s what I just said.”

Axis: “Okay, enough kids. Match, please?”

 

Nice, cue, eh? Prong’s “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” kicks up, arousing a wave of heat from the crowd. Blood red and bruise purple lights flash with the beats of the music as Manson shoves the curtain aside, emerging from backstage. He takes a few steps to the center of the stage and lowers his head, letting his wet hair drop in front of his face as he assumes a crucifix position. Manson straightens up and tosses his hair back, throwing a sneer into the crowd. He heads slowly down the ramp, henceforth on ignoring the crowd's loud booing and jeering. As Manson reaches the ring, he rolls under the bottom rope and stands, pulling off his biker jacket. He sneers at the referee as he walks past and into the corner. Manson sits down, arms resting on the bottom ropes, as he waits for his opponent. The lights in the arena return to normal, and “Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck” mellows into nothingness. A few seconds of silence follows, filled only by the random booing of the crowd. The head-banging riffs of “I Stand Alone” start up, arousing a cheer from the crowd. Godsmack’s soundtrack hit plays on as Kamikaze steps onto the stage. He smiles wide and raises his arms to the crowd as he heads down the ramp.

 

Funyon: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Already in the ring, from New York, New York and weighing in at two hundred and fifteen pounds.. Manson! Now making his way to the ring, his opponent, from Minnetonka, Minnesota and weighing in at two hundred and thirty five pounds.. Kamikazzeee!!”

 

The crowd cheers again as Kamikaze slides into the ring and then climbs onto a nearby turnbuckle. He raises closed fists to the crowd and throws his head back, shouting.

 

Kam: “KAAMIKAAZEEE!!”

 

The crowd roars with approval as Kamikaze hops down from the turnbuckle and approaches Funyon. Before the announcer can leave the ring, Kam snatches the microphone from his hand and paces a circle around the middle of the ring. Manson stares at Kamikaze, then uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet, still staring. Kamikaze stands straight, eyeing Manson. He then brings the microphone up to his lips and begins.. singing?

 

Kam: “You have everything I want.. and all you do is need!”

 

The lunatic abruptly begins head-banging, as if hearing a song in his head. Manson just blinks and gives Kamikaze a well-deserved odd look.

 

King: “What did he just say?”

Edwin: “It was a song lyric!”

King: “What song?!”

Axis: “Duh, it’s Sevendust. But that’s not important right now. Kamikaze’s coming off a rather horrific win over Ironman last week. I think Manson should be glad this isn’t hardcore rules.”

Edwin: “I was rather disturbed by Kamikaze’s tactic.. but it worked!”

 

Kamikaze continues to fling his hair around and head-bang, but is rudely interrupted as both the bell rings, and Manson attacks with a nasty clothesline. Kam is up quick, only to be knocked back down with another stiff clothesline. The action is repeated a third time, but Kamikaze is a little slow to get up. Manson capitalizes and grabs a handful of Kam’s hair, then brings his forehead into his knee. Kamikaze falls back to the mat with a cry, holding his head and rolling away. Manson advances again, laying hard stomps to Kamikaze’s side and back. With Kamikaze face down, Manson drops to the mat and slips his arms around Kams’ shoulders, attempting an early Full Nelson hold. Kamikaze worms a shoulder around, breaking his arm free and reaching quickly for the bottom rope. The referee moves in and signals to break the hold as Kam grabs the rope. Manson shrugs off the rejection and stands, resuming his stomping at the relative n00b.

 

Axis: “Manson going for an early submission in this semi-main event matchup.”

King: “You call this semi-main event?”

Edwin: “That’s what he said.”

King: “I didn’t ask what he said!”

Axis: “Manson is main event material.”

King: “I’d say the only reason it isn’t a semi-main event is because of the psychotic Kamikaze.”

Axis: “Right. Mafia was racking up some wins before he left. The main event was all but lost without him. I suspected he would return without losing a heartbeat.”

 

Manson guides Kamikaze to his feet and rests him against the ropes. He pulls Kamikazes’ arms up and lays them across the ropes, exposing Kam’s bare chest. Manson smiles to himself before laying into Kamikaze with a series of hard, resounding, open-handed chops. Smack!

 

Crowd: “Woo!”

 

Smack!

 

Crowd: “Woo!”

 

Smack!

 

Crowd: “Wooo!”

 

With the final blow, Kamikaze rolls along the ropes and comes to rest face-first in the corner. Manson strolls up behind the nutball, grabs him by the hair and pulls his head back before slamming Kam’s forehead back into the turnbuckle. The referee moves in to move Manson from the corner, but the ref doesn’t succeed until Manson has bashed Kamikaze’s head into the corner two more times. Manson then glowers down at the referee, and moves back to catch a stumbling Kamikaze in an easy German suplex. Manson bridges for a pinfall attempt.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Kamikaze kicks out to a cheer from the crowd. The veteran wrestler stands from the mat and grabs up Kam by his hair. Manson holds onto Kamikaze’s wrist, then whips him into the ropes. Kam bounces back, and finds himself lifted into the air by means of a back body toss.

 

Edwin: “Manson sure is dominating this one. Maybe I expected too much out of Kamikaze.”

King: “No way, it was a good warm-up for Manson. His title shot will be spectacular to watch, no doubt.”

Axis: “Kamikaze is still reeling from that body toss moments ago. He hasn’t made any offense yet, has he?”

Edwin: “No.”

King: “What did you say?”

Edwin: “You’ve been asking that all night. Have you gone deaf?”

King: “What?”

 

Manson backs Kamikaze against the ropes, and then whips him across the ring. Kam ricochets and squares his body to Manson, jamming his shoulder into the veteran’s chest and knocking Manson flat on his back. Kamikaze takes just a second to cheer for his own personal victory, then runs toward the ropes, bouncing off for momentum. Manson rolls to his stomach, Kamikaze hops over Manson and continues into the opposite ropes. Manson pops to his feet and hops over a ducking Kamikaze. Manson leaps into the air to land a bone-shattering dropkick to a momentous Kamikaze, but falls back to the mat, unsuccessful as Kamikaze grabs hold of the top rope. Manson is back to his feet quick-like, and charges Kam, clotheslining him over the top rope. Kamikaze spills to the floor below, but makes his way to his feet. As he does, Manson exits the ring and stands on the apron, then leaps off and flips into the air, senton splashing onto Kamikaze. The crowd boos heavily as both wrestlers recover from the suicide bomb.

 

Axis: “A fast paced start from veteran-returning Manson and relative newcomer, Kamikaze. Mason with a nice offense against the slightly stronger Kamikaze.”

King: “It’ll take him more than a few words of warning from ‘Maria’ to get a win against the great Manson.”

Edwin: “What did you just say?”

King: “This is so old.”

Edwin: “Not as old as you! AH, hah!!”

Axis: “Help, I’m surrounded by children.. Look out!”

 

Manson approaches Kamikaze, but gets a surprise as Kam entangles his ankles, bringing Manson down face-first into the announce table with a slick drop-toe hold. Manson yelps and holds his jaw as he rolls away and begins the climb to his feet. Kamikaze jumps to his feet and raises his fists to the crowd, shouting and head-banging.

 

Kam: “Me understand why 'dem cowards don't want none!”

 

King: “More Sevendust?”

Axis: “Nope, P.O.D.”

Edwin: “Cool!”

Axis: “This singing is going to get Kamikaze in trouble.. Manson is on the prowl..”

 

Manson approaches Kamikaze from behind and surprises the young wrestler with a forearm across the back. Kam stumbles forward and into the crowd barrier. Manson follows and lays a few more forearms over Kamikaze’s back. The vet glances back at the ring, noting that the referee is turning a little red in the face. He’s shouting at the two wrestlers to get back into the squared circle. Manson glances to the sea of fans in front of him. All he sees are a bunch of idiots booing and jeering at him. Manson sneers slightly and grabs Kamikaze by the hair, pulling him into a headlock. He guides Kam back to the ring, and rolls him into the ring. Kamikaze lays on the mat, his lips moving and his eyes glazed over. Manson climbs from the apron to the third turnbuckle, resting on the top until Kamikaze decides to get in motion. An invisible hand shoves Kamikaze to one side, and he almost rolls over. The n00b blinks and sits up, then rises to his feet. Kamikaze turns to find his opponent, and sees Manson flying out of the corner. Dumbfounded, Kamikaze is hit with Manson’s cross body, and gets squashed between the lithe wrestler and the not so soft mat.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Kam lifts a shoulder, unsettling Manson.

 

King: “How surprising that Manson continues to dominate.”

Edwin: “And in saying that, you’ve just cursed your fellow heelish bas..tion!”

King: “Bastion?”

Axis: “I think he meant to say something else. Like bastard. You’ve heard that a lot, haven’t you, King?”

King: “Well, yeah..”

Edwin: “Thou hast forsaken me!”

King: “Oh, how I wish I could fire you, MacPhisto..”

 

Manson grabs Kamikaze by the wrist and whips him across the ring. Kamikaze gains a bit of an upper hand, however, and reverses the whip, sending Manson into the ropes. Upon his return, Kam grabs up Manson into a powerslam, but holds him in the air a few moments before dropping Manson heavily to the mat.

 

ONE!

 

Manson doesn’t even dignify the pinfall with a two count. But he does wince and hold his back as he sits up. The screen suddenly flickers and goes black, but then fuzzes and returns to the action, where Kamikaze leads Manson to the ropes.

 

King: “What the?”

Edwin: “I thought you said this was getting old.”

Axis: “I think he’s talking about the technical difficulties we appear to be-“

 

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

 

The screen becomes that one image you see when a station cuts out. The vertical colored stripes of thick blue, red, yellow, green, black and white.. yeah, that one. And that raucous, incessant beep is enough to drive any man, woman, or child crazy. Flip the channel. Cool! Commercial.. not! Commercial. Commercial. Finally, a movie. Jaws. TBS overplays this movie so much. Flip. Commercial. Dawson’s Creek reruns? Spew. Flip. Witchblade. Ooh, over-zealous cop thinks waaay too highly of herself and solves crime. No, thanks. Flip. Monk!! Oh, this show is so awesome! Last week’s rerun, YES!! I missed it.

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

..

 

Oh, shit! Is Metal back yet?! Flip. Kamikaze battles back, punching Manson back against the ropes, pounding into the weakened veteran. The crowd cheers loudly as Kamikaze whips Manson into the ropes, then knocks him down with a huge dropkick. Kam pops to his feet and reaches into his waistband, pulling out a Japanese headband. With ease and quickness, Kamikaze ties the bandana around his forehead and runs to the turnbuckle, ascending and then leaping off. Kam twists midair and shouts as he flies.

 

Kam: “KAAAMIKAAAAZEEE!!”

 

Boom!

 

Axis: “Kamikaze hits the diving headbutt on Manson! Will he get this miraculous win?!”

King: “No! No! It can’t happen!”

Edwin: “What did you just say?”

King: “ENOUGH ALREADY!!”

 

ONE!!

 

TWO!

 

THREEE!!!

 

King: “I don’t believe it!! How could it happen?!”

 

Godsmack’s “I Stand Alone” kicks up as Kamikaze stumbles to his feet, but the theme is all but drowned out as the fans cheer heavily for their hero. The referee holds Kam’s hand in the air, and points him out as the winner.

 

Funyon: “Your winner by pinfall.. Kamikazee!!”

 

Kam drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring, pumping his fist to the crowd as he walks by and up the ramp. In the ring, Manson rolls to his side and shakes his head, then gets a fierce scowl on his face as he looks between his locks of hair and up the ramp at the retreating Kamikaze.

 

Axis: “Well, folks.. another shocker tonight as Kamikaze upsets Manson!”

King: “Next thing we know, Cutthroat will get a title shot.”

Edwin: “Don’t you ever say that!!”

Axis: “Next up, our six-man tag team main event, pitting he sWo-

King: “Mak, Fugue, and Myers.”

Axis: “-against the unlikely team of CIA, Thor, and ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins.”

King: “The dissention there will mean an easy victory for the sWo.

Axis: “Don’t go away!”

[Guest HVilleThugg]

The camera pans over the crowd giving random fans their fifteen seconds of fame but those don’t matter, as today’s Wfer to shill is TNT Taylor Nicholas Thompson. Signs like “TNT is a genius”, “Longest but not greatest SJL TV champ ever”, “Dynamite + US Title = SUPERIOR RATINGZ!” and finally “In the most shocking event in the world even internet smarks like TNT”. The camera zooms in on the announce booth were Axis sits with Edwin and Suicide King to his left and right respectively.

 

“Good day mates and welcome back to SJL Metal.” Comments a burly Australian. “And we have arrived to the main event of Metal.” “And we bring you the sWo, Mak Francis, Fugue and Matt Myers versus “the Canadian Dream” CIA, Thor and “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins

 

“Shut up and tell them about the World Champ, this feds number one guy, Mr. Main Event “The Franchise” Mak Francis.” Boast King better than even Francis himself ever could.

 

“Didn’t we go over this craptulescenes in the opening segment.”

 

“Yup, if that’s even a word Edwin but lets do it again.”

 

“Anyways this match was signed after Crimson’s main event involving our new world champion Mak Francis and CIA. In the aftermath a kind of alliance was formed between CIA, Thor and strangely enough Spike Jenkins.”

 

“All three men have been sWo targets and that was more than enough to get them together even if this grouping could be called shaky at best.”

 

“Much of the animosity is due to the fact that Spike and Thor have battled over the Unified European title and now must come together and put their differences –“

 

“Who won the match they had today?”

 

“Well…um…”

 

“What you’re acting like we didn’t see the finish of tonight’s second match.”

 

“KING of course we saw it. The winner was - ”

 

And convenience of all conveniences, once again interrupting the often-interrupted Axis is "Ashes In The Fall" by Rage Against The Machine. Axis breaths a sigh of relief and King mumbles something like drat foiled again under his breath. As the new sound blast over the PA System, Fugue walks out directly followed by Mak Francis and Matt Myers sWo paraphernalia in full affect.

 

BAM! BAM! BAM!

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

 

A huge pyrotechnic explosion erupts for the center of the stage, as the sWo members raise their hands in respect for the former IGNWO mastermind.

 

“Making their way to ringside at a combined weight of 625 pounds…Mak Francis, Fugue ands Matt Myers… the Sssss!…W…Ohhhhhhhh!.” Announces Funyon hardly booming over the loud boos.

 

“And here comes the most dominant stable in the Smarks Junior League. We’re not…well you’re not worthy.” King. “I am myself after all so I rule over everything.”

 

“Matt Myers and Francis are two of the original three sWo members but the addition of Y2K, Fugue and Mike Van Siclen to the group have made this group an actual stable.”

 

“And Fugue in particular has really come into his own winning the TV title and almost defeating Thor in a unification match. Which may be the reason he is involved in this match.”

 

“I think he wants a piece of Thor and that’s all the reason he needs Axis.”

 

“True King and Matt Myers makes his official in ring return which is sure to be good. Six man tag on the way!”

 

The lights in the arena change, slightly, everything acquiring a red tinge, as the SmarkTron flickers to life, portraying a Canadian flag, flowing in the wind, and the instrumental accompaniment to 'O Canada' playing. Or at least, the first verse, before....

 

BOOOOOOOOOM!

 

A bright red rush of pyro shoots up along the stage, glittering points of red light slowly drifting down from above, and a voice rings out, accompanied by the opening riff to 'Secret Agent Man', and the emergence of a masked figure, microphone in hand.

 

“And first making his way to ringside…weighing in at 237 pounds…He is the American Dream with a Canadian twist, The Canadian Intelligence Agent going by the acronym C!…I!…Ahhhhhhhhhh!” Funyons ring announcement can’t even be heard as the crowd applauds CIA coming out here after a tough loss and an unbelievable amount of back-to-back shows.

 

"Ladies and Gentleman!" C.I.A. poses for a moment, basking in the cheers but finally looking a little tired. "Greetings from the frozen north!" Walking down towards the ring, C.I.A. slaps hands with all the fans he passes. "Buy yourself a Canadian keg, as me and screw it eh! Watch us kick some sWo ass!" Making his way under the bottom rope, C.I.A. rolls in to the center of the ring, coming to his feet and extending his arms out to the sides, Canadian flag dangling from the undersides of each arm. The sWo looks on at this mockery in their corner discussing strategy before CIA brings the microphone to his lips and tossing his head back one last time turning his back on the sWo. "Raise your voices up, and smile! Cause I'm here, with Spike and Thor and bringing you the CANADIAN - ” and just like that all three sWo members jump the Canadian pounding away while the crowd boos mercilessly. But CIA fights back with a right handed shotei knocking Myers to back and he grabs Francis left hand pulling him into a bionic elbow that puts Francis down faster than my GPA is dropping. After taunting drinking a few Canadian brews a la Steve Austin another elbow sends Matt to the mat - but Fugue finally gets in on the action interrupting the come back. Fugue connects with a nasty shot from behind that take CIA down. Myers now back on his feet mean streak by stomping on CIA’s neck while Fugue and Francis focus on a shoulder.

 

“And CIA is ganged up on as soon as he gets to the ring.”

 

“Dumb move by him. First he should have waited on the ramp for Jenkins and Thor even though they wouldn’t have been able to stop this.” Quips King. “And then he shouldn’t have turned his back begging the sWo to attack his already injured body.”

 

And suddenly, Thor and Spike Jenkins sprint down to ringside, causing the evil stable to bail from the ring. CIA stands and readies himself after the quick cheap attack shaking off the pain. He, Thor and Spike discuss who is going to start but as soon as Francis is chosen as the sWo’s legal man that debate is over.

 

“Well CIA really wants a piece of the new World Heavyweight Champ but I think he’s biting off more than he can chew!”

 

Francis and CIA stand in the ring as the referee finally gets control of all the craziness and asks for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“Mak Francis and the now standing CIA commence with the stare down’s~ that have made each of their matches magic.”

 

“Wait…Francis is backing down and tagging Fugue into the ring.” Comments Axis in utter disbelief. “I use to call Francis a bug but now he’s just plain chicken!”

 

“Heel tactics 101 says when your crowd popping face arch rival is looking INTENSE~ tag in somebody else!”

 

As Francis slides out of the ring the crowd shows its appreciation by booing the ever-loving snot out of him. Fugue enters and stares up at the taller and much heavier opponent. They dance about the ring and quickly come together in a collar and elbow tie up. CIA takes immediate control and pulls Fugue into a headlock. The quicker than a hiccup Fugue elbows out of his grasps and rebounds off the ropes into a stiff bionic elbow from the Canadian Dream.

 

“Even though his bodies been through hell CIA is still fighting at a level above excellent.”

 

“But what happens when fatigue sets in after Francis and Myers dump him on his head and Fugue latches on those punishing submission holds?”

 

Fugue rises up and gets knock back down again with a running clothesline. Fugue rolls to a neutral corner trying to regain his composure while CIA comes charging in with a shoulder tackle – that the fast mat wrestlers dodges causing him to bury his arm into the steel pole. Fugue is on him fast taking CIA to the mat with a back leg sweep forcing CIA to stare up at the lights. Which he then links into a Crucifix arm bar or cross arm breaker after a few knee drops to said shoulder.

 

“The sWo going to work on the injuries CIA sustained from that hell of a main event last night.”

 

“What you mean they’re attack his whole body and not specially the shoulder which got pulverized by a top rope Franchise Tag.”

 

CIA clutches at his arm but reverses the arm bar rolling up Fugue in the process of getting to a standing position.

 

“Fugue’s light weight enabled CIA to counter…

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

“And a kick-out at two by Fugue. CIA almost scoring the early pin fall!”

 

CIA and Fugue get up to their feet at the same time and come together in another collar and elbow tie-up. This time Fugue gets Irish whipped into the corner – but he reverses and CIA jumps up onto the second turnbuckle to stop his momentum and turns to hop off – but Fugue is on him quickly again with hard shots to his gut weakening him for a…

 

“He’s going for the Iconoclasm an Inverted crucifix powerbomb and a move that can take anybody down - “Too early!” adds Edwin – and CIA counters and drops behind Fugue locking his arms around his waist and hitting a Release Belly to Back Suplex. He walks over to his corner dragging Fugue along with him and makes the tag to Hollywood Spike Jenkins.

 

Jenkins somersaults in and hits a slingshot spinning leg drop across the throat of Fugue.

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

 

T-

 

“And another kick out from Fugue.”

 

After a few forearm shots to the face Fugue reverses the beat with a Irish whip - which Jenkins also reverses as Fugue makes his way back Jenkins goes for a standing Hurricanrana but Fugue counters with Sit-out powerbomb

 

“Jenkins gets kicked by Mak Francis in the corner but Fugue is not one to use powerbombs all that often so that may be why he didn’t go for the pin.”

 

Francis hits a knife-edge chop ** SMACK!! ** in the corner after stomping a mudhole and walking it dry. After another ** SMAAAACK!! ** knife-edge he goes out and taunts Thor causing the big man to try and enter the ring. Meanwhile the sWo goes to work on Spike as Matt and Mak kick the living shit out of him, Fugue strangling his neck all the while of course. And as the ref gets Thor out of the ring Francis claps his hands together and exits. Matt now takes it to Spike pulling him out of the corner and to the mat in a side Russian leg sweep. Then he gets up bounces off the near ropes and - hits with a leg drop making the cover…

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

TH-

“Nope Spike kicks out!”

 

Matt grabs the rookie by the hair and talks a little smack before grabbing Spike in a full nelson, and slamming him down to the left hitting the Alternative Slam. Myers goes straight into the Withered spring boarding off the second rope and diving all the wind out of his chest.

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

 

 

 

 

THREE-

 

“Even with all these high impact attacks Spike Jenkins is staying in there with the big boys now all he needs is a chance to counter.”

 

“Pfft like that’ll happen with the vet Myers in the ring. He may be a little rusty in his first in ring return but not that rusty!”

 

Myers deciding to call it a night snitches in the three quarters face lock – “It’ s all but over if he hits the Memory as it can lead directly to the Venom Drop!!!” - but he gets shoved away by a half dead Hollywood as he rebounds off the ropes and straight into some of that sweet chin music…

 

“And Hollywood connects with a superkick after countering out of the memory!!!!”

 

“Get the tag Spike!”

 

“No don’t do it Spike and go for the cover.”

 

“But that’s a common rookie mistake!”

 

“I KNOW DAMNIT!”

 

Spike crawls towards his corner after the superkick while the other sWo members look to tag…

 

 

…

 

 

Matt rises up and sees a diving Spike make the tag!

 

 

 

 

"AND THOR GETS THE TAG!" Axis screams along with the legions of Long Island fans.

 

The Viking god lets out a bellow as he steps over the top rope into the ring, Spike rolling out of the ring in relief. Myers does a double take as he sees Thor coming, but rushes forward and leaps up in a spinning kick. Thor staggers from the impact, but quickly fires back a hard right as Myers gets to his feet. The sWo member stumbles backward, Thor stalking after.

 

"Thor's been waiting for tag for quite a while!" Axis says.

 

"Bah, even completely fresh he can't stand up to the sWo," the King scoffs.

 

"Rewriting history again, King?" Edwin asks.

 

"Isn't that what you pay me for?" the King replies.

 

The thunder god peppers Myers with right hands, sending him reeling. Thor grabs Myers' arm and whips him towards the ropes near the heel corner. Fugue slaps Myers' shoulder as his fellow sWo member bounces off the ropes, slipping quietly into the ring as Myers ducks a swing from Thor. Thor turns to attack Myers again but staggers as Fugue suddenly dropkicks him right between the shoulder blades--then Myers launches himself upward in a spinning wheel kick to Thor's face, sending him crashing to the mat.

 

"Blind tag by Fugue leading to an sWo double team!" Axis cries.

 

"That's the kind of initiative we need to see from these young stars!" the King asserts.

 

Fugue quickly leaps up and comes down knee-first on Thor's shoulder. The crowd's boos change to cheers as the god pushes himself to his feet. Fugue ducks a swing and jabs Thor in the stomach, but Thor's elbow sends the musician crashing to the ground. Thor decides not to let Fugue get away that easily, grabbing him around the neck and hauling him up into the air to toss him across the ring.

 

"Look at that strength!" Axis yells over the crowd. "It's ungodly!"

 

"Actually, it's COMPLETELY godly!" Edwin corrects cheerfully.

 

Fugue gets his feet under him and charges back gamely, launching himself into a shoulder block at the thunder god. Thor shakes it off and tries to grapple, but Fugue ducks into a crouch and sweeps his leg against Thor's knee, making it buckle. Thor tries to push himself up but Fugue grabs the god's arm and leaps backward, pulling him facedown to the mat. Fugue twists back on Thor's arm but the god is too near the ropes--the referee gets to a four count before Fugue releases the hold, a wave of boos washing over the ring.

 

Fugue gets to his feet, looking around the ring--then stops dead, staring at C.I.A. and Spike on the apron. The musician's grin widens, and C.I.A. scowls back, leaning over the ropes to yell at his opponent. Spike looks nervously between the yelling secret agent and the grinning Fugue. The crowd comes alive as C.I.A. starts to climb over the ropes, but the referee quickly rushes up to stop that. Fugue laughs and turns from the Canadian, but suddenly Thor comes barreling across the ring and sends the musician spinning through the air with a hard clothesline. Fugue rolls out of the ring near his tag partners--Thor pursues but is greeted by a swift kick from Matt Myers, who climbs into the ring as he and Mak beat on Thor. On the other side of the ring C.I.A. protests to the ref and gestures at the other corner, jeers and boos raining down upon the referee from the audience, but the official won't leave C.I.A. alone until he climbs back out of the ring. Finally the referee turns back and sees Myers taking control of Thor--Mak Francis leans over the ropes to assure the ref that there was indeed a tag.

 

"I can't believe this utter duplicity!" Edwin rages. "How could they even THINK of doing something that unfair?!?"

 

"They've probably been reading 'Heel Tactics For Dummies'," the King notes.

Both Axis and Edwin stare at their fellow announcer. "Where do you get a book like *that*?" Axis asks incredulously.

 

"Hm? Oh, I lent it to them," the Suicide King replies. "Glad to see they're putting it to good use!"

 

Meanwhile, Matt Myers hammers away at Thor with an elegant kick combination. He grabs Thor by the neck, turning around--but Thor pushes him away before Myers can start a move. Undaunted, Matt runs across the ring and bounces off the ropes, launching himself bodily at Thor. Thor tries to catch his ballistic opponent but goes down on his back, Myers on top of him. The ref slides into position…

 

One

 

 

Two

 

 

 

 

 

And Thor presses Myers upward, throwing him out!

 

"Look at that! A kick out--" Axis checks his Sheet-o-Wrestling-Clichés--"--with AUTHORITY!"

 

"Never say that again, Axis," the King comments.

 

"Thor counters The Memory and won't stay down!" Edwin adds with glee.

Myers aims a kick at the prone Thor, but the god catches his leg. Thor quickly gets to his feet, pulling Myers onto his shoulders. He holds the sWo member by the legs, letting Myers dangle down his back--Mak reaches up and slaps Myers on the back before Thor pulls him over his shoulders and slams him down onto his back. Thor covers--but the referee refuses to count!

 

"Thor hits the Alabama Slam!" Axis cries.

 

"Asgardian Slam?" Edwin muses.

 

"But Myers is no longer the legal man!" Axis continues.

 

Thor stands, looming over the cowering referee. The god shakes his head and turns--and Mak Francis pokes him in the eyes. Intense boos emanate from the audience as the Franchise steps back--then hops forward and drives his leg out to impact Thor on the chin. Francis raises his arms and grins at the fans, soaking in the derision from the audience as Thor staggers back against the ropes.

 

Francis saunters back to his corner. Both Myers and Fugue hold their hands out for a tag, and Francis makes a show of deep thought before finally tagging in Matt Myers. Fugue sighs in mock disappointment as Myers climbs into the ring. Thor disdains C.I.A.'s clamoring for a tag, and charges forward to slam Myers down with a straightforward shoulder block. He reaches down to grab Myers around the neck, but receives a punch to his stomach for his trouble. The two men pound at each other, Myers finally leaning down to grab Thor around the waist and slam him down on his back.

 

"SPINEBUSTER!" Axis yells. "This is the MAIN EVENT~!"

 

Myers staggers back--and Thor sits up. The cheering doubles in volume--but is cut off as Myers kicks Thor in the head, sending him back down. Myers hastens over and tags in Fugue, who starts gesturing animatedly at his stablemate. The two sWo members pull Thor up by an arm each, then whip him towards a neutral turnbuckle. Thor slams into the corner, dazed, and Myers quickly crouches in front of him. Fugue sets himself in the other corner--then runs across the ring and launches himself off Myers' back, slamming bodily into the chest of the seven-foot-tall Thor!

 

"The Poetry in Motion from the sWo!" Axis cries.

 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Edwin whoas. "Let's not use any copyrighted names here!"

 

"The sWo are certainly working well together as a team!" the King snickers.

Fugue staggers away with a grin on his face. Myers rolls out of the ring, breathing heavily. Spike Jenkins moves over from the corner to yell at Myers--Myers pulls himself up and looms menacingly at the smaller man for a moment, then walks back around to Mak Francis. Meanwhile, Thor has shaken the cobwebs from his head and stalks forward after Fugue. The god manages to grab Fugue around the neck, then reaches down to hoist him bodily into the air and slam him down on his back.

 

Thor walks over to his corner, the crowd coming alive--but Fugue scrabbles forward and grabs at Thor's leg, pulling him back. The god blinks in surprise, but turns back to the musician. Fugue hops to his feet and smacks Thor in the face--Thor shakes it off and pulls on Fugue's arm, whipping him across the ring. Fugue bounces off the ropes and suddenly dives to the ground, rolling into Thor's legs. Thor staggers and stumbles to the ground, and in a flash Fugue is on him, pulling back on his right arm. Fugue reaches with his legs for Thor's other arm, but the god pulls himself across the ring to the ropes. Once again Fugue keeps the hold on until the last possible moment, then releases and rolls away.

Thor pushes himself to his feet again, catching the incoming Fugue as the musician charges. He deals a hard blow to Fugue's head, then pushes Fugue down into a powerbomb position. The thunder god looks left and right, acknowledging the growing cheers of the fans...then hoists Fugue up into the air, spinning and slamming him down in a huge powerbomb.

 

"I can only imagine the power that went into that move!" Axis says.

 

"I'm sure Thor would be happy to demonstrate it on you, Axis," the King replies.

 

Thor stands still for a moment, regarding his fallen opponent. Fugue has turned over, lying limply on his stomach. Thor nods with satisfaction and walks over to his corner, tagging in the eager Spike Jenkins. Spike quickly climbs into the ring and goes after Fugue--who pops up and elbows Spike in the face.

 

"Uh oh!" Axis says. "Fugue recovered quickly from that powerbomb! Or was he playing possum all along?"

 

"Either way, it'll take more than THAT to take down the crazy composer!" the King replies.

 

"I thought he just played the music," Edwin ponders. "I didn't know he wrote it too."

 

"WORK with me, Edwin."

 

Fugue quickly grabs Spike around the waist and hauls him up and back in a suplex--bridging himself upward as Spike lies on his back. The referee slides in to count, One, Two and Spike kicks out. Fugue pulls Spike upright again and whips him across the ring, right near the heel corner--Spike comes back with a clothesline which staggers the musician, but Fugue laces Spike's leg and spins down in a drop toe hold. Fugue holds the struggling Spike's leg and tags in Matt Myers, who leaps over the ropes and slams his leg onto Spike's back.

 

"Once again the sWo teamwork gets into gear!" the King says. "This time on the hapless Spike Jenkins!"

 

Fugue pulls Spike upright and pushes the stoner's head between his legs, as Matt Myers ascends the turnbuckle. The musician grins over at C.I.A. and Thor, then, ignoring the referee's admonishments to get out of the ring, Fugue hauls Spike up onto his shoulders--and Myers launches himself through the air, driving his foot into Spike's head. All three men hit the mat with a hard impact.

 

"The New Fury!" the King says, struggling to make himself heard over the derision of the crowd. "We haven't seen that one in a while!"

 

"And here I thought we never would again," Edwin growls.

 

Spike crawls across the ring toward his corner as Myers tags in the World Champion, Mak Francis. All three sWo members go after Spike but the referee heads them off, yelling heatedly at the team. Behind his back Spike reaches up and gets a tag to C.I.A., the crowd exploding with noise. The Canadian charges in just as Fugue and Myers leave the ring--but the referee heads HIM off, pushing him out of the ring. Fugue yells at C.I.A., grinning, as Mak Francis rushes forward to grab Spike by the leg.

 

"My god!" Axis yells as the crowd explodes in antipathy. "The sWo distracted the referee from seeing the tag! He still considers Spike the legal man! What BLATANT cheating!"

 

"Isn't it wonderful!" crows the King.

 

Spike kicks at the Franchise and crawls away, fleeing the ring. Matt Myers and Fugue quickly get down from the apron and run around the ring towards Spike, and Thor joins the fray as the crowd goes absolutely insane. Fugue hops up on the apron and dives at Thor, who manages to catch him and drop him on the audience barrier--Myers heads relentlessly after Spike. The referee looks every which way, trying to keep track of the melee, leaning over the ropes...and C.I.A. gets into the ring, eyes locked on Mak Francis, who finally turns back and sees him.

 

“Oh my god!” Axis screams, as he sees the two wrestlers lock eyes. “This can explode at any moment, boyos, C.I.A. lost the World Title to Mak Francis, and he hasn’t forgotten about it!”

 

Mak Francis and C.I.A. slowly walk toward each other, as each sides of the area rise to their feet. They lock eyes, breathing hard, blood strolling down their faces. C.I.A. turns his head too look out at the crowd, as they rise to their feet, cheering for the fight to begin. Mak Francis does the same with the opposite side of the area, and they do the same! Mak Francis then turns toward C.I.A., as he quickly looks away…

 

** WHACK! **

 

…But Mak Francis lets loose a swift slap in the face, as C.I.A. retaliates by

doing the same!

 

** WHACK! **

 

“HERE WE GO!” The Suicide King screams.

The brawl begins, as C.I.A. and Mak Francis begin to exchange punches, with C.I.A. getting the upper-hand, as he backs Mak Francis against a turnbuckle, but a quick rake of the eyes ends C.I.A.’s assault, as Mak Francis pulls C.I.A. into the turnbuckle, as he begins letting chops - ** SMACK! ** - into the chest - ** SMACK! ** - of the Canadian Secret - ** SMACK! ** Agent Man.

 

 

“This has become more of a brawl then a wrestling match,” Edwin says.

 

“I don’t blame them,” The Suicide King says, “Mak Francis took C.I.A.’s World Championship away. That would piss off anybody!”

 

Mak Francis grabs the arm of C.I.A., as he tries to whip the secret agent man off of the turnbuckle, but C.IA. reverses it, as the front of Mak Francis’ body goes flying into the opposing turnbuckle! He stumbles backwards and finally turns around to have a heavy dropkick delivered straight to his jaw! The JL world champion goes straight down, as C.I.A. quickly covers the sWo co-leader…

 

“Wait!” Edwin screams, “Mak Francis isn’t the legal man!”

 

Edwin’s statement is true, as the referee refuses to count, as he says to Mak, “He’s not he legal man, brother!”. C.I.A. growls as he picks up Mak Francis and whips him against the ropes again, as he runs at Mak and tries to deliver a bionic elbow to the face of Mak Francis, but Mak Francis ducks and comes back at C.I.A. to deliver a flying forearm! C.I.A. goes down, as Mak Francis begins to stomp on the helpless body of C.I.A., who lies in the turnbuckle corner. Mak Francis then takes the near-lifeless body of C.I.A., and picks him up. As the referee becomes distracted leans under the second rope, trying to tell Thor, Spike, Matt and Fugue to get back into the ring and stop brawling on the outside, Mak Francis delivers a cheap low-blow to C.I.A.. C.I.A. doubles over in pain at the move, as the fans boo The Franchise. Mak simply smiles, as he whips C.I.A. to the opposing turnbuckle, to which C.I.A. collides with and stumbles backwards, as Mak Francis locks on a cobra-clutch, and slams the former Junior League World Champion to the mat. Meanwhile, on the outside of the ring, Thor seems to be handling things quite well, as he tries double clothesline Matt Myers and Fugue, but Fugue ducks. Myers hits the ground, but Thor turns around and gets hit by a running dropkick, as he is knocked over the barrier and into the crowd! Swarms of hardcore JL fans swarm around Thor, trying to touch him, but security forces the crowd away. As Thor begins to rise to his feet, Fugue hops up on the barricade and suicide dives on to the top of the big man Thor!

 

“HOLY SHIT!” Axis screams, “Did you see that?! Fugue just dove from the barricade, into the crowd, and took down Thor! Hardcore!”

 

Meanwhile, on the outside of the ring, “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins picks up Matt Myers and grabs the wrist of Myers, trying to pull him into a clothesline and knock him down, but Matt ducks under the clothesline, and pulls Spike into him, as he shoves Spike’s head into a front-face lock, and jumps into the air and gives Spike a Buzzkiller DDT on to the cold, hard, mat on the outside. The fans are in awe as they let out a gigantic “OOOOHHH!!” at the impact of the move! Matt Myers then hops up on to the ring apron, as Mak Francis gives him a tag, and Matt Myers enters the ring…

 

“How unfair. C.I.A. isn’t even the legal man, and the sWo is torturing him!” Edwin proclaims, “And now that freaked-up Matt Myers is in the ring with C.I.A.!”

 

“Speaking of legal men, who is the legal man?” Axis says.

 

“I think it’s Hollywood Spike Jenkins!” Suicide King says, “But he’s lying on the outside of the ring, that DDT that Matt Myers gave him must have knocked him out cold…I like that kid!”

 

“King, you sick bastard, how can you enjoy the presence of a man who enjoys to make my life a living hell and put other wrestlers though pain and agony?!” Edwin proclaims. King promptly shrugs, as Edwin let out a sigh of shame. Meanwhile, in the ring, Matt Myers climbs up to the top rope, as C.I.A. rises to his feet, Myers jumps off, as he tangles his legs in-between C.I.A.’s shoulders, trying to hit a top-rope hurricanrana, but C.I.A. uses his superior strength to pull Matt Myers up on to his shoulders, as he runs in a circle, and slams Matt Myers down to the mat in an amazing powerbomb! Mak Francis is thrown into a shock, as he begins clapping, trying to get Myers’ attention.

 

“Matt Myers needs to make the tag here…and if the team of Spike, C.I.A. and Thor hope to pick up a win here, Hollywood better get up on to the apron and into the ring!” Axis says.

 

“Bah…Hollywood can stay out there…” King mumbles.

Matt Myers rolls over, crawling toward Mak Francis, as The Franchise holds his hand out. C.I.A. begins to stumble to his feet, as he uses the ring ropes as leverage…

 

Matt Myers is close…

 

 

 

C.I.A. is up on one knee…

 

 

 

 

 

Matt Myers is closer…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

C.I.A. is now on both of his knees, now trying to get up on one leg…

 

 

 

 

Matt Myers is about an inch away from A TAG…

 

 

 

 

 

 

C.I.A. is ON BOTH OF HIS LEGS…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** SMACK! **

 

“MATT MYERS MAKES THE TAG!” Edwin screams, as Mak Francis rushes into the ring, as he rushes at C.I.A., still holding on to the ring ropes, as the Canadian Secret Agent man pulls down the top rope, sending Mak flying to the outside of the ring! C.I.A. finally rises to his feet, as Matt Myers, still exhausted, rushes at the Canadian Secret Agent man, as he tries to whip him by grabbing his wrist...but C.I.A. reverses that into a Stroke bad shoulder and all!

 

“OH MY GOD! VIA RAIL! VIA RAIL! BODIES ALL OVER THE PLACE HERE IN THIS MATCH!” Edwin screams.

 

“WE’VE GOT THE TWO LEGAL MEN OUTSIDE OF THE RING, TWO WRESTLERS INSIDE THE RING, AND TWO BRAWLING IN THE CROWD! THIS IS INSANE!” Axis proclaims.

 

Mak Francis rises to his feet, panting and bleeding. He climbs into the ring, behind C.I.A., as he grab’s C.I.A.’s shoulder and swings him around, only to be delivered a second Via Rail! C.I.A. goes straight down after the second stroke using his bad shoulder, as he rolls on the mat, trying to catch his breath from exhaustion!

 

The crowd goes ape shit as they break out in chants of their Canadian Hero! “C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A! C-I-A!” shouts the crowd in an ECDub esque chant. “Heh…the Smarks Junior League, folks, I guarantee you, the ONLY place where you will find a crowd of people chanting ‘C-I-A’!” Jokes the Suicide King.

 

“No time for Jokes, my evil loving friend!” Edwin says, “This match is intense…all three people are out cold in the ring and…wait…what the?”

Edwin pauses as he sees a figure stumble up on the outside of the ring. He almost falls backward, but he quickly slides under the bottom rope and roll into the ring. The man, “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins, stumbles to his knees, as he lies on top of the fallen body of Mak Francis, as the referee, shocked to see this, begins to count…

 

“Oh, no!” The Suicide King screams, “It couldn’t…”

 

O

 

N

 

E!

 

“OOOOONNNNNEEEEE!” screams the crowd. Matt Myers looks up, as he sees that his partner is being pinned! He stumbles to his knees…

 

“DO IT KID!” Edwin screams. “…But…but…this…isn’t fair…” The Suicide King stumbles…

 

 

T

 

 

W

 

 

O!

 

 

 

“TTTTTWWWWWOOOOO!” yells the hot crowd in anticipation. Matt Myers is close…so close…he jumps into the air…

 

“ONE MORE!” Axis screams. “But…there must be some mistake!” The Suicide King screams.

 

 

 

 

T

 

 

 

H

 

 

 

R

 

 

 

E

 

 

 

E!

 

 

 

 

“TTTTTHHHHHRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” goes the elated crowd as Matt Myers drops on top of Spike Jenkins with his elbow…but was it in time?!

 

“OH MY GOD! WHAT A FLUKE!” The Suicide King says.

 

“What happened?! Did he win?!” Axis says.

 

 

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

The referee rolls out of the ring, as he walks over to Funyon. The crowd is silent. He whispers into Funyon’s ear, as Funyon nods…

 

“Ladies and gentlemen…the JL referee has just informed me that…” Funyon says. He then puts the microphone up to his mouth again…“THE WINNERS OF THIS MATCH BY PIN FALL ARE C.I.A., THOR, AND “HOOOOLLLLYYYWWWOOOODDDD” SPPPIIIIKKKEEE JJJJJEEEENNNNKKKKIIIINNNSSSS!”

 

Spike Jenkins rolls off of the Smarks Junior League Heavyweight Champion, shocked and dizzy, not believing what just happened! He picks up C.I.A., as he rolls under the bottom rope, out of the ring, and he begins to start walking up the entranceway.

 

“I’ll tell ya…” Axis says, “Mak Francis is going to be pissed to find out that he was pinned by Spike Jenkins…cleanly, too! They were both the legal man!”

 

“What?! But…I mean…there must be SOME RULE!” The Suicide King pleads.

“No, no, my WF Vice-Commissioner friend, this was aaaallll legal!” Edwin says, “It just seems that Spike Jenkins got lucky and he was in the right place at the right time! But what will happen next? Will Mak Francis retaliate against Spike Jenkins? And what of Matt Myers? Thor? Fugue? C.I.A? Stay tuned folks! This is your JL Commissioner and SWF World Champion, Edwin MacPhisto, signing off!”

 

The camera zooms in on Matt Myers, who lies on the mat in shock and disappointment glaring up at the entrance way at C.I.A. and Spike Jenkins, as he helps pick up Mak Francis. The camera zooms in at his raging face, as the show ends and it fades to a black screen with the SJL logo on the bottom right part of the screen…

[Guest HVilleThugg]

Summary

 

- Nobody likes the sWo…why do they even bother to come out? Well, they did anyway…talked some trash about the fans, about CIA, and Spike Jenkins, about Thor, about yo mama, about Hulk Hogan not being able to wrestle, about…fuck, about everyone. Bastards!

 

Dark Scorpian vs. John Cougar

- Well, this Boston Strangler piece should indicate that Cougar and Scorpian are out of the JL…unless they can provide Crusen with a damn good excuse. That’s a shame too, they both showed a tremendous amount of talent and potential to be big here. Dummies.

 

- MEAD! BEER! It’s all good…same difference. There’s gonna be some drunk leaguers runnin’ around tonight…that is, if they can survive the sWo.

 

Thor vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins

- Hmmm…they’re gonna team up later….but they should fight first. Ragnarok Piledriver…Crack Of Thunder…and it’s over! Maybe now they can stop their little petty OOC feud…for the Norse God of Thundar is triumphant………this time.

 

Mike Van Siclen vs. Tony “The Ironman” Brogan

- It’s pretty obvious that someone was watching Smackdown while writing their match. I blame MVS and Brogan for that monstrosity, for it is their double no show that caused us to read the random thoughts of some former WF world champion. Gee…I wonder who that was?? Well, let’ s just hope we never have to witness that again.

 

Manson vs. Kamikaze

- Hmmmm…the noob’s halfway decent. He beat Manson, we know that. But the real question is…Can he dance? Dance off bitch!!!

 

sWo vs. Francis/HollyWOOD/Thor

- It’s a match! You should read it! I sure didn’t…but you should. Pfft…it smells like tree bark in here…ok, fine…SPIKE!! SPIKE!! SPIKE!!! He freaking pinned the world champion!! GO SPIKE GO!! What does this mean for the next show?? I bet Mak ain’t a happy man…

 

There it is…way too many double no shows…but what was there was good. Well done to those who wrote…and those who didn’t…well, poop on you. Dammit, get that tree outta here!

 

Da "not nearly enough sleep this week" H

 

PS - The Boston Strangler is booking the next show, as I don't have time. Send any last minute booking requests to him. Thank you, and good morning!