Favorite Critic Memories

[Guest BorneAgain]

To all those Critic fan's out there, just list the best moments from the show.

 

Here's one of mine

 

(The Sherman family is sitting at the dinner table)

Jay's Dad: The peanut is neither a pea nor a nut.

(15 Seconds later)

Jay's Dad: Oh, wait it is a nut.

[Guest Karnage]

"Look out, it's Roseanne!"

[Guest bob_barron]

It stinks

[Guest Shaved Bear]

"Winner gets a cookie, Jay you get a kiss"

Jay's Stomach: "Oh man, I coulda had a cookie"

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

At first, I thought you meant "Critic Memories" as in ACTUAL critics, like Ebert and co...in which case, I would have said:

 

When Roger Ebert said that Like Mike, starring Lil' Bow Wow, was a must-see film, and completely dissed The Powerpuff Girls Movie because it had an exploding building.

[Guest What?]

Eleanore depressed: "My mind is like a dark corridor....*sigh*"

The dad (I can't believe I forgot his name!): "I've felt something like that...only there's a midget giving me GOOGLY eyes....I call him Mr. Pickelinny!"

 

Dad: "FORGET THE RIVETS, DEAR! TRY KRAZY GLUE! IT'S KRAAAAAAAAZYYY!!!"

[Guest chirs3]

Mom: "I'm afraid he might steal the silverware."

Dad: "Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I've glued the silverware to the ceiling!"

 

Jay looks up and sees forks, spoons, knives, and the dog glued to the ceiling.

 

Jay: "Uhh, dad? I understand the silverware, but why the dog?"

Dad: "You understand the silverware? Cuckooooo!"

[Guest TheZsaszHorsemen]

Speed 2: Speed Reading

 

Bomber: Read fifty words in two minutes or this building explodes.

 

Keanu: Th.. The C.. Ca...

 

BOOM!

 

The Critic: That's not a clip that's the whole movie.

[Guest Ravenbomb]

Dad: I'm going to be honest from now on, and I'm no longer going to wear this wig! (rips out hair)

 

Jay: Dad, you dont wear a wig

 

Dad: I will from now on

[Guest J*ingus]

(Jay goes to the refrigerator, gets out some eggs, which appear to be vibrating.)

 

Jay: "Ah, the eggs are ripe! Waitaminute... EGGS DON'T RIPEN!"

 

(Three of the eggs burst and tiny evil pterodactyls pop out. Jay screams and slams the fridge door shut, leaving three dactyl-shaped impressions in the metal.)

[Guest DerangedHermit]

[filming a commercial]

Orson Welles: Rosebud... yes, Rosebud frozen peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness. Wait, that's terrible. I quit.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

[still photo of Duke Philips with the mouth moving and the words "BREAKING NEWS" coming out]

This is P........N......N.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

Vlada's (the L'Ane Riche's owner) son [at a school talent show singing]: "Pee pee and poopie and peepee and poopie..."

[crowd laughs]

Vlada: "Please don't laugh. The song honors those lost in our native country's bloody war."

[crowd feels guilty]

Vlada's son: "Peepee and poopie and peepee and poopie."

[crowd laughs]

 

-------------------------------

 

Duke Phillips: Why the hell do you have to be so critical?

Jay Sherman: I'm a critic.

Duke Phillips: No, your job is to rate movies on a scale from "good" to "excellent".

Jay Sherman: What if I don't like them?

Duke Phillips: That's what "good" is for.

 

---------------------------------------------------

 

And who can forget the crossover with "The Simpsons"?

[Guest Slapnuts00]

I love the critic, I wish Comedy Central still showed them, maybe a DVD can be released....

 

Jay (To his girlfriend, explaining his father's behavior): My father had a stroke many years ago

Mother: No he didn't that's just what we tell people.

 

(Jay can no longer take care of his dog and wants to find him a new home so he goes to Vlada who owns an asian restauraunt)

Jay: Vlada do you think you can find a home for my dog?

Vlada: (measuring the dog with a ruler) Ah yes, the hip bones connected to the thigh bone, the thing bone's connected to the leg bone!

Jay: (pulling back the dog) hey I'm not going to let you cook my dog!

Vlada: would you rather me serve him raw?

 

(Eleanor, Jay's mom, is depressed, so her husband Franklyn consults his neighbor living on the other side of the fence for advice unaware that it is a frog)

Franklyn: Wilson, my wife is deprssed, what should she do?

Frog: Ribbit! Ribbit!

Franklyn: (to his wife) dear, I think you should rivet. Rivet, rivet!

(They're both working on rivets on construction scaffolding, Franklyn is hanging on by his helmet)

Eleanor: I don't see the point of this, dear.

Franklyn: Forget the rivets dear, try crazy glue! It can hold any 2 surfaces together! It's CRAZY!

(Later, after she feels better, Franklyn goes back to his neighbor, now an owl)

Franklyn: Wilson, my wife Eleanor is no longer depressed!

Owl: Whooo

Franklyn: My wife, Eleanor

Owl: Whooo

Franklyn: My wife, Eleanor

Owl: Whooo

Franklyn: My wife, Eleanor...

 

From the same episode...Jay goes to consult Dorris

Jay: Dorris, what do people your age do for fun?

Dorris: Die...and square dance.

 

O, and when Duke thinks he's going to die, Jay asks him if he ever thought of turning to religion.

Duke: No, like most billioanaires I worship Pan, The Goat God!

 

And who can forget the numerous movie clips, my favorite being Arnold Shwarteneggar (or however you spell it), as an undercover rabbi.

Mobsters: So, if you're a real rabbi, circumsize this child!

Arnold(dressed like a rabbi, throws the knife at them): Hava Nagila...baby.

 

 

I could go on and on. Truly one of my favorite shows ever.

 

EDIT: haha, someone mentioned Orson Well's "green peaness" shill. Another funny one is when he says "the show is brought to you by Mrs. Phelps' frozen fishsticks" (starts eating the frozen fishsticks) "MMMM, they're even better raw!" LOL

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

Oh man... GREAT TOPIC!

 

In the episode where Duke was going to die, he and Jay were talking in his office and Duke pushes a button that brings out automated singing bears:

 

"We're the bears that sing for Duke/doo-dah, doo-dah/Drinkin' moonshine til we puke!/oh, the doo-dah day..."

 

In the episode where Jay was being honored and given some award and some terrorists show up with like 10 carts full of weapons and they walk past the usher who comments on them:

 

Usher: You're heavily armed for an awards show...

 

Terrorist: We took the subway.

 

Usher: You're lightly armed for the subway.

 

 

I got a lot more, I just have to get my tapes.

[Guest chirs3]

Guy: Do you deserve to wear Virgin white?

Margot: Yes... well, everything but the gloves.

 

Margot: I'm never going to have a boyfriend! I go to an all girl school, and the only available man around here is Ed Koch.

Ed Koch: How'm I doin'? How'm I doin'?

Margot: Go away!

Ed Koch: I'm not doin' so good.

 

(Marty's having doubts about his diet, and Jay tells him something along the lines of he controls his stomach, his stomach doesn't control him, then hangs up the phone)

Jay's Stomach: What was that hogwash you was feedin' the boy?

Jay: Nothing master.

Jay's Stomach: Good. Now dance for me!

 

(Jay, Marty, and Marty's date go to see a foreign film...)

Movie: The Red Balloon... TWO! REVENGE OF THE BALLOON!

Terrorist: Hand over the balloon or eat lead.

(the boy lets go of the balloon, and it flies away)

Terrorist: ... I could not have foreseen that...

 

Oh that was such a great show...

[Guest Sandman9000]

I liked it when the bear attacked him.

 

Bears are funny.

[Guest C.H.U.D.]

Wasn't this show on for like 3 episodes? How can you remember all this dialogue?

[Guest chirs3]

Much more than three episodes, CHUD. MUCH much more...

[Guest Nevermortal]

African Principal - A FLAMING HORSE'S PETOOT?

 

==========

 

Owl: Who

Franklin: My wife Eleanor.

Owl: Who

Franklin: My wife Eleanor.

Owl: Who

Franklin: My wife Eleanor.

Owl: Who

Franklin: My wife Eleanor.

Owl: Who

Franklin: My wife Eleanor.

 

=========

 

Jay - Apocalypse Wow! The Musical!

 

Kurtz - Here I am, I'm Colnel Kurtz, short and fat like (name that Rhymes with Kurtz), watch me do a Hula Dance, to Shake the Egg Rolls from my pants!

[Guest Slapnuts00]

Wasn't this show on for like 3 episodes? How can you remember all this dialogue?

I believe there were 2 seasons...episodes totalled in the mid 20s I believe.

[Guest C.H.U.D.]

Still doesn't explain how you can memorize all the dialogue. Do you guys study and memorize each episode or something?

[Guest chirs3]

... now that I think of it, I don't think I've seen any episode more than two or three times... and I haven't seen a single one in months.

 

That IS weird...

[Guest Big McLargeHuge]

Still doesn't explain how you can memorize all the dialogue. Do you guys study and memorize each episode or something?

Well re-runs were shown on Comedy Central awhile back (as well as the awesomefantasticincredible Tick)

[Guest massivHEDtrauma]

(Jay's Dad is hanging from atop the ceiling inside of his large house, he is wearing a Lone Ranger outfit)

 

Jay's Dad: I am El-Kabong!

 

(He flies off the ceiling with the use of a rope and bashes someone on the head with a guitar)

 

Jay's Dad: KABONG~!

[Guest EdwardKnoxII]

This is one my favorites

 

(Marty and Jay are at the school parade and Marty tells Jay that he hasn't finished it and then he pulls off the covers to show a giants horses ass.)

 

Jay: It's a giant horses ass.

 

(Looks to the camera with a smile)

 

Jay: You're watching FOX give us a minute and we'll give you an ass.

[Guest cynicalprofit]

Gown Desinger: Now as your designer I need to kno0w if you deserve to wear virgin white, or a hussy off-white?

(Moment of hesitation)

Margot: Yes... except for the gloves.

 

Man I still use that to this day. Critic Rocked!

To bad ABC, FOX, AND Comedy Central cancled it.

[Guest ShooterJay]

How about when Orson Welles is a ghost

 

"Mmm, Mrs. (something) fishsticks- they're even better when you're dead!"

[Guest EricMM]

*Jay looking in the refrigerator*

/in a jewish voice/

Hey! This Matzah ball is shaped like Moses! Can you get any more kosher?"

 

I'm trying to remember what John Wayne said in the Iraqi dub of an American movie, for brainwashing purposes. I need to download episodes!!

 

That show was key. It used to be on all the time

[Guest shlidgn90]

my favorite critic moment can be summed up with this one title: the roach king starring howard stern. just thinking about that clip makes me laugh.

[Guest Smues]

"Come on in, it's nap time"

"I don't wanna nap"

"YOU WILL NAP, OR BE EATEN BY THE WORM FROM HELL!"

[Guest Eagan469]

There were 26 episodes of "The Critic", not counting the 10 web episodes which can be found here:

http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/animatio.../series/critic/