Guest Midnight Express83 Report post Posted March 29, 2003 One and Only Establishment thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MarvinisaLunatic Report post Posted March 29, 2003 This thread scares me..but whatever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hardyz1 Report post Posted March 29, 2003 I always wondered where the "...Better Than Sex" quote came from. I'm not sure if I'm glad that I know now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JangoFett4Hire Report post Posted April 4, 2003 I have stolen Top Secret Documents from Shelby's Diary. . I believe Josh is suppose to be Oj but not sure. ---- Dear Diary, Today I met a boy at school his name was Josh. He is a cuteboy. His eyes are brown an so sexy. Well today i was at my locker an he bumped into me. He asked me if i wanted to get some pizza after school. Of course i had to say yes because he was so hot. We went to the pizza bin later that day. We ate an joked about things. He made me laugh he has a good sense of humor. When we were finished he walked me home. An at the door step he Kissed me. My very first kiss. It was like i was a bride at a wedding. I'll never forget that day. Ps: I want Josh to be my first because he has a big bulge --- Dear Diary, The next day Josh came over to my house to use my computer. We were researching about Animal Mating for our Science class. We giggled after seeing pics of animals mating like they do on the discovery channel. I was messing with him like ha that's me an you. He blushed and giggled. I think that excited him. I noticed movement in his man area. Well after that we started making out. But my dad knocks on the door. He said in a joking fashion. Hey leave the door open I don't want you two having sex. I was like Dad stop it that's not funny. But Josh laughed so i laughed too. All of us laughed about us not having sex. It was hilarious. Well he finished the paper and gave me a goodnight kiss. Man I love that boy. Ps: Damn Dad I was gonna lose my virginity. Well I'll get him next time. Hehe what a cutey. Girl Power! hehe I'm a little school girl hehehe My heart pounds for him. I'm turning into a vibrant women. But Pms is a bitch though. I get all horny when i stick tampons in their. Shelby+Josh Forever ------------ Dear Diary, It has been several days since I last wrote in you. I have been having bad menstrual cramps. My Mom says it’s normal for a growing woman like me. Well anyway I talked to Josh the other day on the phone. We talked about normal school stuff an junk. But later on asked him what you doing? He replied oh just watching TV. What’s on? Oh just some sex chat phone line commercial. I giggled ha I bet you popped a boner huh? He said nah. But I knew he had because he was such a shy bashful guy. So I started messing around with him I bet you called one before. He said no way Jose. Then Being the vibrant young woman I was. I said how about you pretend your calling one an I'll be the phone sex girl. He was like WTF?? Are you serious? Yes silly it's just for fun don't be shy. Umm umm nah. Please Please come on now we are young horny mature teens. It's natural for us to do this. Okay but don't tell anyone about it. I won't I love you. Call me back well start. Ring Ring So I pick up the phone an start talking dirty too him. So what's your name? Josh. Josh what a sexy name. How may i help you? Umm umm So your a shy boy I see. Let me take over so. What you wearing Josh? Pants and a Sublime t-shirt. How about you take off your shirt and pants so you can be more comfortable Josh. Huh? Come on Shelby this is getting weird. Who's Shelby? Take off the fucking pants now bad boy. Let me hear the sound of you slapping your luscious cock around. I want to hear the cum spewing forth on your bed. Hmmm Hmmmm Cumtastic. Oh Yes Yes Josh. Click he hangs up. Ha I think I went too far maybe he really did jizz all over his bed. Well I called him back an Apologized to him. He said he was embarrassed and felt dirty. I told him It's normal human reaction Josh. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Then I said Josh let me suck your cock. Just kidding ha ha. He was cracking up so was I. Only if he knew I was being serious. This boy will be mine all mine someday. Man what a night off to Bed Diary. Ps:I have to ask mom about Dildo's. Yes I know it will be embarrassing but I saw in her drawer she had one. I just wanted to talk to her about dildo and the pleasure factor also safety. Eww I'm really gross. Hehehe because I'm a Nasty Girl Diary. My hand hurts from writing diary damn you. Shelby+Josh Forever ----------------- Dear Diary, I finally got around talking to my Mom about dildos today as I mentioned in my last entry. When I asked her she wasn't shocked at all. Because she knew that young women of today participate in self pleasure. So my Mom and I sit down on her bed. She told me about the miracles of masturbation an sexual pleasuring aids. It was kind of weird to talk to my mom about this stuff though. But she knew what she was talking about. She explained several techniques I could do to achieve maximum pleasure. There was one technique she mentioned that has been in our family for several years. It involved a frozen hotdog. My Mom said it had to be frozen because if not it would break off. So I tried it while my mom gave instructions. I inserted the frozen hotdog into my womanhood and began to twist, turn and wobble the frozen hotdog as if it was Josh’s cock. I felt the cold hotdog water seeping into my crevasse of delight. Oh Yes Oh yes it felt so f'n great. I was doing this for couple minutes an the hotdog was beginning to melt. My Mom yells at me take it out!! Take it out!! So I grabbed hold and yanked it out which sent the hotdog flying threw my bedroom window. My Mom and I looked outside to see where it went. There was no sight of the hotdog. Then I heard the doorbell ring. Put my clothes back on to see who it was. It was the Love of my Life Josh. Hehe man he was looking so cute that day. He was about to say something to me but a hotdog came out of nowhere an hit him in the face. He was mad and yelling out who threw that fucking hotdog!! Who throws a fucking hotdog now really? Fuck them. I started Cracking up like a wild hyena. He was hey that's not Funny Shelby! Oh yes it is Josh No it’s not fuck those people! Never mind it's an inside joke. Ha Ha eww it's kind of gross when I think of it hehe. An that was the end of my Day with my Mom and learning the family dildo technique Ps: I never told Josh were that hotdog had been. He never had a clue. Maybe someday I'll have his hotdog in my bun. Hmm I wonder what his hot mustard tastes like. I need more ink or shorten my entries sorry Diary but I love you. Hehehe I'm talking to a Diary hehe. I'm one crazy gal crazy for Josh that is. Shelby+Josh Forever -- I need help please. Why did this get no sold? Funniest post in the thread, IMO... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Dames 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2003 HOLY SHIT. I never read that before....FUNNY SHIT. Dames Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JangoFett4Hire Report post Posted April 4, 2003 That passage about the hot dog is worth the price of admission alone! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted April 4, 2003 Ehh, there's funnier in this thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest converge241 Report post Posted April 4, 2003 the thread that will not die Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JangoFett4Hire Report post Posted April 4, 2003 Ehh, there isn't though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest snuffbox Report post Posted April 4, 2003 Im gonna DO IT! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted April 5, 2003 I think the part where he gets excited about how he's gonna knock her up really really hard and everyone just says something along the lines of "what the fuck?" is the best part. That diary is really funny too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted April 5, 2003 I always wondered where the "...Better Than Sex" quote came from. Me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest cynicalprofit Report post Posted April 5, 2003 Dear fucking god, can't we just retire this thread yet? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Midnight Express83 Report post Posted April 5, 2003 bob_barron Posted: Aug 11 2002, 09:25 PM (Yo', man) Yo' (Listen up,man) What happened? (I just posted it) You posted that? (I felt like I had to look cool) Um okay? (I fucked a girl dude) Man (I don't know how to though) Call her on a cell phone (Alright) Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Posting on the ole smarks board Picture this, I pretended to be BUTT naked Bangin' on the hot tub floor How could I forget that I would look like a massive fag All this time everyone read it They all were laughing at me How you can let your idiot post this Everyone thinks you're a massive tool You better watch your back before she soon find out I mean you only known her for five whole weeks To be a true player you have to have a cell phone If you don't, then your completely gay Never admit to the board that you're gonna have sex And call on the cell phone But they read it in the folder(It wasn't me) Heard me bangin' in the hot tub (It wasn't me) I even had her in the bathroom (It wasn't me) While updating the smarks board(It wasn't me) Bob Barron called me a faggot (It wasn't me) Superstar called me a moron(It wasn't me) My girlfriend started screaming (It wasn't me) She said to come to the hot tub Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Posting on the ole smarks board Picture this, I pretended to be BUTT naked Bangin' on the hot tub floor I had tried to keep her From what she was about to see Why should she believe me When I told her it wasn't me Make sure she thinks you were joking and not a loser Whenever you should see her call her Dawn Marie As funny you thought you were, you really werent Seein is believin so you better change your screen name You know no one is gonna believe you when talk banging on the hot tub We'll all laugh at you and go to something else Wait for the replies: then read them over But if Mattdotcom makes fun of you, you better laugh your ass off But they read it in the folder(It wasn't me) Heard me bangin' in the hot tub (It wasn't me) I even had her in the bathroom (It wasn't me) While updating the smarks board(It wasn't me) Bob Barron called me a faggot (It wasn't me) Flyboy called me a moron(It wasn't me) My girlfriend started screaming (It wasn't me) She said to come to the hot tub Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Posting on the ole smarks board Picture this, I pretended to be BUTT naked Bangin' on the hot tub floor How could I forget that I would look like a massive fag All this time everyone read it They all were laughing at me Gonna call her on her cell phone To be pretend to be cool I've been listenin to the responses No one likes me at all We should go into the bathroom And try to have wild sex I think that I am all that But I actually seriously suck That's why I sing Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Posting on the ole smarks board Picture this, I pretended to be BUTT naked Bangin' on the hot tub floor How could I forget that I would look like a massive fag All this time everyone read it They all were laughing at me This is the best part of this whole series of threads. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted April 5, 2003 I never thought this thread was all that funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted April 5, 2003 Dear fucking god, can't we just retire this thread yet? I'm still waiting for the retirement ceremony. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted April 5, 2003 I never thought this thread was all that funny. You would. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted April 5, 2003 I never thought this thread was all that funny. You would. You see right through me, Flyboy. Right through me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Flyboy Report post Posted April 5, 2003 (edited) That's an Alanis Morrissette song, for your information. EDIT: Well... it's "Right Through You", actually, but still. Edited April 5, 2003 by Flyboy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Incandenza Report post Posted April 5, 2003 Oh, hush. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DerangedHermit Report post Posted April 6, 2003 This thread is like a certain red and yellow clothed person: it just won't leave for good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Mattdotcom Report post Posted April 7, 2003 And you're like a red and yellow clothed fan. You won't shut up, and thus the red and yellow person stays on top. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted April 7, 2003 And like the red and yellow fellow, this should be forced into retirement. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kotzenjunge Report post Posted April 7, 2003 "I See Right Through To You" is also a DJ Encore song. It 0wns the Alanis song. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted April 7, 2003 Lock this thread.... please. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Midnight Express83 Report post Posted April 7, 2003 Keep posting in here keeps it alive. If you want it dead. Stop posting in it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest The Czech Republic Report post Posted April 7, 2003 Yeah, but once again like Mr. Ketchup & Mustard, we detest it yet adore it. O.J. Hart = Hulk Hogan His foreplay was the Fingerpoke of Doom Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
