Funny things said at random

[Guest Sebastian_the_Bastard]

"If I could choose to have a gorilla or a pinata, I'd choose the gorilla... that way I could have sex with it" - my friend Chris.

 

This happened at Nicole's open house...

My friend Shane put his hand close to my face so I yelled "Shane, your hand smells like penis!" Then Nicole said "pea-nuts!" to try to cover it up because her dad was close by

 

 

Hmmm... that's all that immediately come to mind.

You fellas got any stories?

 

 

I love Audio Karate!!,

Sebastian the Bastard

[Guest J*ingus]

That reminds me of some of the philosophies of the famous Russian writer, Whobitchyacokkoff.

[Guest MaxPower27]

I'm a fan of sarcastic things directed at what people say. For instance:

 

Girl at Suncoast: Just the video today?

Me: Yeah, unless you're giving away cookies or something.

Girl at Suncoast: Oh, well we are taking preorders for "Blade 2" (smiles at me)

Me: I'm sorry.

 

Things like that are what used to get me into trouble with the ex. Now that it's all John, all the time, life is GRAND!

[Guest DJ Jeff]

I'm all about joking around with my peeps. Anyways, here's something I said once:

 

Cathy(my peep):I can't wait for you to read my long journal.

 

Me:How long is it? 4, 5, 6 feet? Shorter or taller?

 

That's my sense of humor.

[Guest crandamaniac]

I know this guy named Jonah, and he has said some really really random and dumb things, mainly when me and my friends pick on him. Keep in mind this kid is like 25 lbs soaking wet and only bout 3 feet tall.

 

 

Clarence (a buddy of mine): "Shut up or I'll beat you till you're black!"

Jonah: "You shut up or I'll beat you till you're Spanish!"

 

 

Jonah "I'll play football on your head!"

--in response to the fact that everybody, even his brother, was laughing at the thought of him playing football

[Guest CoreyLazarus416]

I have about 10 to 15 pages on a notepad somewhere in my house of quotes that are completely random and hilarious...example!

 

Mrs. Palli was my World History teacher Sophomore year (last year). One day, we had an assembly about the class treasury or something, and there were no more seats left in the small auditorium by the time I arrived. I saw a few friends in one of the rows, and went over and knelt down behind them so I could chat with them while we ignored the presentation going on. So, the assembly is over, and we go back to our E-period class, which happened to be my World History class. As soon as I arrive there...

 

Mrs. Palli: I saw you praying today.

 

Me: Me? Praying?

 

Meehan (a friend of mine): Him? Praying?! He's a bigger Atheist than I am!

 

Me: I'm Agnostic jerky.

 

Mrs. Palli: Yeah, I saw you on your knees today at the assembly.

 

Me: Lady, of all the things I do on MY knees, praying ain't of 'em...

 

 

I got the entire class laughing...

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

My favorite random saying came from my best friend Jaron...

 

Me: You'll be down at 10?

Jaron: Well....yeah..... *trails off*

Me: Yeah what?

Jaron: Well I might be a bit late if the rhino gets loose...

Me: What in the...

 

Then he just hung up on me...and I never found out what the heck he meant...

[Guest JHawk]

A few months ago in a journalism class we were discussing all the Catholic priest sex scandals, and just out of the blue I said, "My girl told me I was a pedophile. I told her 'That's a pretty big word for a 10 year-old." This one guy in class laughed for about 5 minutes straight, to the point where we were all laughing at him.

 

 

But I always love when I get to use obscure TV lines. Working at a Bob Evans restaurant on closing shift one night, the manager forgot to lock the front door and this couple comes in 2 minutes after close. So of course we have to seat then and I'm about 10 hours into my shift as it is...

 

Me: Dammit, we're never getting out of there.

 

Co-Worker: Then tell them to leave.

 

Me: A brilliant plan with two minor drawbacks. One, I don't want to get fired, and two, I don't want to get fired. I know that technically it's only one drawback, but I found it so important that it was worth mentioning twice.

[Guest The Amazing Rando]

English Teacher: What's the difference between "vocation" and "vacation"

 

Me: Spelling!

 

Teacher: .........

[Guest bob_barron]

History Teacher:

The Indians have always been low on the totem pole

[Guest crandamaniac]

This took place at work, with my friend Chris:

 

Me: Look! It's McGruff the Crime Dog! Let's go shake his hand!

Chris: Let's go mug him!

 

This then led to a conversation on going on a crime spree in a big mascot suit. really funny

[Guest Sebastian_the_Bastard]

One time I was talking to my friend Chris and someone mentioned the paying five dollars for something and Chris said "Damn! You could buy two boxes of chicken with that!" So now whenever someone mentions money, we say "Damn, you could buy ___ boxes of chicken with that!"

 

One time my aunt was calling me from downstairs so I yelled "coming!" and as I passed my cousin's room I said "...in Nate's mouth"

 

Chris and I have an on-going joke about whenever we want to do something we yell "Because I'm fat and I want to!" Heh, neither one of us are fat.

 

One time my cousin Nate was buying a fountain drink and he grabbed a shorter straw by accident. When he got the counter, the cashier told him they had longer straws so I yelled at Nate saying "YOU IDIOT!! I TOLD YOU THEY HAD LONGER STRAWS!!!" then he said in a retarded voice "stop yelling at me" Then we walked to the counter and he said something and I interupted him saying "GO TO HELL!" then I hastily left the store. Then we proceded to have a "fight" in the parking lot.

 

bleedthesKY27... I have to try that "unless you're giving away cookies or something"... that's gold

 

 

I love it when you call me Sebastie!,

Sebastian the Bastard

[Guest papacita]

I say a lot of funny stuff randomly...most of it is stuff I don't mean to say.

 

Out of the top of my head, one time me and my friend were watching Raw, and JR said something about Howdy Doody dying, and I said something like... "Aww man, Howdy Doody died?! DAMN...if I knew who that was, I'd be really distraught right now!" That was funny as hell for the simple fact that I didn't mean to say it.

 

The only other thing that comes to my mind right now...you probably wouldn't get, but my friend Cam had just got his hair braided in a maze-like design, and I've had my braids done straight back for a while. So we were talking to some other guy this day, and he says...

 

Other guy: Keem, how come you don't get your hair done like that?

 

Me: Cuz if I do, I'm afraid mice might run through my hair.

 

That's not as funny out of context though...if I think of some more, I'll tell you.

[Guest Addy]

When waiting at the bus stop one day an old lady asked:

 

"How long is the next bus?"

 

And I said: "About 40 foot!"

[Guest oldschoolwrestling]

Back in high school in the late 80's (i'm an old bastard), a teacher asked what should be done to help aids victims. Being a smartass and not meaning anything by it, I said "Cut their balls off"

 

I was immediately sent to the Vice Principal's office. He asked why I was there, I told him, and he started laughing his ass off.

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

I can't remember anything that I've said myself, but I was watching the news once, and the day before the weatherman had promised 8 inches of snow. Now, it hadn't snowed at all, so the newswoman went to introduce the weather segment by saying "Turning to Bob now with the weather. So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Classic.

[Guest Alice_In_Chains_Chick]

"Fluffy Chickens fly!!! BAWK!!" My friend Jess

 

"Meow...Gary the snail, meow" -Again Jess

 

These are inside jokes between me and her...don't ask....we find them funny...

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

"That reminds me of some of the philosophies of the famous Russian writer, Whobitchyacokkoff."

 

Or how about that Asian painter Whoflungpoo?