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Funniest line ever


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Guest Black Tiger
Posted

In a movie, tv show, or anything else. What is the most funny line you've ever heard?

 

Dennis Leary: No Cure for Cancer

 

"Here's 10 bucks, bring me the head of Barry Manilow, I want to drink beer out of his empty head. I want to have a Barry Manilow SKULL keg party at my apartment. You write the songs, I'll drink the beer out of your head"

Guest DrainYou42
Posted

"I eat pieces of shit like you for Breakfast'

"You eat shit for Breakfast ?"

From Happy Gilmore

 

(Might not be word for word, but you get the idea)

Guest Still Fly
Posted

"You just got knocked the fuck out!"

 

Friday & Next Friday...

 

It was the funniest on the second one just because the dad said it.

Guest Youth N Asia
Posted

"YOu loved me once before, Ash."

"Honey...you got REAL ugly."

 

Army of Darkness...Bruce Campbell is the man

Guest Mikey2Dope
Posted

"I have come here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of bubblegum."

 

Roddy Piper from They Live

Guest MrRant
Posted

May I present some from Al "You God" Bundy:

 

"Al's Christmas Song"

 

T'was the night before Christmas

and all through the house

no food was stirring

not even a mouse.

 

The stockings were hung

'round dad's neck like a tie

Along with a note that said

'Presents or die.'

 

The children were plotting

all night in their beds.

While the wife's constant whining

was splitting his head.

 

But, daddy had money this year in the bank.

Then they closed up early,

now dad's in the tank.

 

All of a sudden Santa appeared,

with a sneer on his face,

booze on his beard.

"Santa," I said as he laughed merrily,

"You do so much for others,

do something for me"

"Bundy, he said, you only sell shoes,

your son is a sneak thief,

your daughter a flooze.

Ho, Ho," Santa said,

"Should I mention your wife?

her hair is like an A-bomb,

her nails like a knife."

 

He climbs up the chimney,

fat piece of dung.

He mooned me two times.

He stuck out his thumb.

He exclaimed, as he broke wind with glee,

"You're married with children, you'll never be free."

 

"My Big Red Wife"

 

I've been married to Peg

For over 20 years

I've seen her from the front

I've seen her from the back

I've seen her in a chair

I've seen her in a sack

I've seen her stand

I've seen her crouch

I've seen her on our stupid couch

I do not like her in the mall

I do not like her in the hall

I do not like her in my life

I do not like my BIG RED WIFE!

 

Bow down before it!

Guest Vern Gagne
Posted

Man: "Do you want a glass of water."

 

W.C. Fields: "No thank you...I never drink anything fish fuck in!"

Guest Nevermortal
Posted

(Fight Club)

 

"I haven't been fucked like that since Grade School."

Guest bob_barron
Posted

"Hey- how come you get a pool cue?"

 

Norm Macdonald

Guest Lethargic
Posted

I'm gonna wipe you off the face of the earth like a piece of shit from God's ass.

Guest kkktookmybabyaway
Posted

Office Space:

 

"PC Load Letter? What the f*ck does that mean?!"

Guest Narcoleptic Jumper
Posted

From PULP FICTION:

 

Vincent: Ah, man! I shot Marvin in the face!

Jules: Why the fuck did you do that?

 

I laugh hysterically every time I even think of that scene.

Guest C.H.U.D.
Posted

"He sticks out like a whore in church."

 

- Clint Eastwood, Blood Work

Guest Eagan469
Posted

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse! "

 

-Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Guest pinnacleofallthingsmanly
Posted

Why don't you make like a tree and get the fuck out of here!

 

I mark the fuck out at the scene in Scarface where they say "I told you a long time ago you fucking little monkey not to fuck me!" "Who the fuck you think you're talking to huh? Who the fuck you think I am some fucking bellboy?"

Guest Shaved Bear
Posted

how about...

 

ahh you punched me right in the fuckin' ear

 

-fight club

Guest Rabbi_wilson13
Posted

This thread rules.

 

"I didn't see it."

"It's a two fucking ton van Tyrone. Its not as though its a bag of fucking peanuts now is it?"

"It was at a funny angle."

"It's behind you Tyrone. When you reverse, things come at you from behind."

 

 

Or, from Tommy Boy:

 

"Ya know what? If you don't know how to use your seatbelt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tackhammer because you are a RETARD..."

Guest Flyboy
Posted

"Your dad didn't say stay with with Ms. Crock and you'll get ahead... he said stay with Ms. Crock and you'll GET head." -- Dave Chapelle, Screwed

Posted

Loosely paraphrased from Eight Days A Week.

 

Friend: "What's wrong?"

Loser: "What makes you think something's wrong?"

Friend: Because normally you'd have asked if I was successful at my attempt at self-fellatio.

Loser: Were you?

Friend: For about a second. Then I pulled something in my neck.

Loser: Nice.

Friend: Tastes like roast beef. Which was rather reassuring. I always thought women would hate to give head. Now I find out it's like gong to the Sizzler.

Guest CoreyLazarus416
Posted

**taps fists with JHawk for his mentioning of the rgeat Eight Days A Week**

 

From The Crow:

Cop (Ernie Hudson, I forget the character's name at the moment): "You're...you're dead."

Draven: "You still have your hat on..."

 

Cop (Hudson): "Say, are you some kind of...a...ghost?"

Draven: "Boo!"

 

Seriously, I think that's the best non-fight scene in the movie.

Guest Black Tiger
Posted

Also from The Crow:

 

"How do you feel?"

 

"I feel like a little worm on a big fuckin hook"

Guest Fook_Hing_Ho
Posted

From Half Baked:

 

(While pointing at different people)

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you!"

Guest J*ingus
Posted

There were a googleplex of great lines in Super Troopers, but I think the one that really sticks out is:

 

"MEOW!"

Guest Razor Roman
Posted
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse! "

 

-Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Damn! You stole mine.

 

But you forgot the BEST part - the part that makes it...

 

"hallelujah.... holy shit.... where's the Tylenol?"

Guest Eagan469
Posted
But you forgot the BEST part - the part that makes it...

 

"hallelujah.... holy shit.... where's the Tylenol?"

That was actually from a different part of the movie (another classic of course):

 

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit!"

 

- Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Guest Black Tiger
Posted

"Hey Griswold, where do you think your gonna put a tree that big?"

 

"Bend over, I'll show you"

Guest La Parka Es Mi Papa
Posted

"I WILL GOUGE YOUR EYEBALLS OUT AND SKULL-FUCK YOU!"

- Full Metal Jacket

Guest Fook_Hing_Ho
Posted

Grosse Point Blank:

 

"I'm gonna put a fucking bullet in your skull and then I'm gonna fuck the brain hole!"

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