Assign Gimmicks To Heatless Midcarders

[Guest The Czech Republic]

Pretty self-explanatory. Take a wrestler with no real character and give him one.

 

Batista: Turn him into an Ultimate Warrior-esque raving lunatic that just screams completely random phrases, as if he's on some mind-altering drug. Something like "I will win against you because I am all that is! You are nothing in the universe! BAAATIIISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I'd be entertained.

 

Randy Orton: Give him a cast on his arm to cheat with. That's the best I can do. They called him a can't-miss prospect? Orton sucks.

 

John Cena: Just have him rip off Sting.

 

Albert: Albert should dress up in fuzzy pajamas, but NOBODY MENTIONS A THING.

 

Help me out here...

[Guest Nevermortal]

Johnny Stamboli can become a Pizza Delivery Man.

[Guest Human Fly]

Shelton Benjamin can become Virgil v.2

[Guest the pinjockey]

Big Show: They should give him a 911 gimmick instead of the Island Boyz taking out unentertaining bits just have Show come out chokeslam turn around then leave.

[Guest AndrewTS]

Batista: Turn him into an Ultimate Warrior-esque raving lunatic that just screams completely random phrases, as if he's on some mind-altering drug. Something like "I will win against you because I am all that is! You are nothing in the universe! BAAATIIISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I'd be entertained.

That's practically Jeff Hardy's gimmick, should they give him more mic time.

 

Albert: The son of Bastion Booger.

 

HHH: Make a smaller version of Giant Gonzales suit and make him an ape man. (Not a heatless midcarder, but so what?)

 

Cena: Just make him a rip off of Sting already.

 

Mark Henry: His new gimmick is he'll play the part of a released wrestler.

[Guest midnight_burn]

Make them into a stable that invades OVW.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

I'd say send Batista to Raw and have him team up with Sean O'haire.

 

I say put Albert and Funaki together and have Albert serving Funakis every wish ala Raven in ECW/WCW. So yeah, turn Funaki into Raven-esque figure and have 'Funakis flock' where for no apparent reason a bunch of big guys (henry, bull, albert) are so afraid of 'The Big Sho' that they do his bidding.

 

Have Orton wear a blindfold with the eyes cut out and call him the 'masked stranger' He too is part of Funaki's flock and has some sort of homoerotic attraction to the 'Sho Stoppa'.

 

Cena - Just have him beat the shit out of Cole for calling him a 'Rookie Kid' and then reveal that he is really the reincarnated spirit of Ron Simmons and just go around talking in a really deep voice with Teddy Long.

 

Faarooq- Have him get pissed off at John Cena claiming to be Ron Simmons, but can't say why because he's "Not Ron Simmons". I Hope Russo doesn't steal this stuff...

[Guest The Czech Republic]

I think Jeff Hardy should randomly pop into every backstage interview and make some comment, and maybe play a little riff on a banjo, like that guy in the episode of the Simpsons where Maude dies.

 

Example-

Coach: Tommy Dreamer, you've got a big hardcore match tonight against Steven Richards. What are you gonna do out there?

 

Tommy: I'm gonna bust Richards open until he's bleeding from every inch of his body!

 

Jeff: (jumping from the top of the backdrop) I made him bleed in just one little inch! FateremainsunfilledJeffHardy! (jumps off-camera)

 

Tommy: So as I was saying...

 

 

On that note, they should make Bradshaw into even more of a repressed homosexual than he is now. He can go to Jeff Hardy and say "I heard your brother went to Smackdown! Are you loyal to Raw? Because if you're not, I'm gonna take you out back and make you raw."

[Guest Respect The 'Taker]

Test can be the Taker's BITCH...oh wait, HE ALREADY IS

 

Sucks to have a loser hero, don't it TestKick?

 

... only kidding Administration...

 

This has been the Taker Mark

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

YES YES YES~!!!!

 

REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL BRADSHAW RULES!

 

Have him backstage putting his arm around guys and no-one's the wiser, kinda like Shawn Wayans in Scary Movie. Have him say "Last one in the Shower is gonna get somethin up his ass!" and shit.

[Guest Anglesault]

Test: Have him get amnesia after a brutal attack from mollah and Mae Young. Each week, he appears as a different character from the WWE's past, thinking that is who he is. Test L. Hopper, Brother test, Mr. Testo. Have him lose every match and go farther and farther into insanity each week, Until he challenges his shrink (The Fink) to a match. Test loses and moves down to OVW for a year or so.

[Guest The Czech Republic]

More ideas for Repressed Homosexual Bradshaw:

 

Molly Holly proclaims she can beat any of the male wrestlers and challenges Bradshaw who says "Sorry, Molly, but I only wrestle with the men."

 

"We're gonna get down 'n dirty, Texas-style." All he has to do is sound overly macho and it works.

 

To Chris Nowinski: "Looks like I just roped me up some freeeeesh meat."

 

Also to Nowinski: "You know I feel bad about kickin your ass, whaddya say we have a few beers and see if we can bury the hatchet....among other things."

 

to Steven Richards: "Meet me in the locker room and find out why I'm Hardcore."

 

"Everything's bigger in Texas!"

 

and the ULTIMATE line, must be delivered to Booker T: "You want me? You got me, baby. Just give me three minutes to get my garb on, and I'm gonna get in the ring and I'm gonna get in your BUTT. It ain't gonna take long Booker."

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

 

"You want me? You got me, baby. Just give me three minutes to get my garb on, and I'm gonna get in the ring and I'm gonna get in your BUTT. It ain't gonna take long Booker."

 

OH DEAR GOD YOU HAVE MADE MY LIFE COMPLETE WITH THAT STATEMENT!

[Guest The Czech Republic]

I remember being sooooo creeped out when that first aired on WCWSN. The techno beat in the background makes it even faggier.

 

oomp-ishoomp-ishoomp-ishoomp-ishoomp-ishoomp-ishoomp-ish

[Guest RicFlairGlory]

Cena - Just have him beat the shit out of Cole for calling him a 'Rookie Kid' and then reveal that he is really the reincarnated spirit of Ron Simmons and just go around talking in a really deep voice with Teddy Long.

 

Faarooq- Have him get pissed off at John Cena claiming to be Ron Simmons, but can't say why because he's "Not Ron Simmons". I Hope Russo doesn't steal this stuff...

 

Russo would be proud.... but I'd mark nonetheless

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Batista: Turn him into an Ultimate Warrior-esque raving lunatic that just screams completely random phrases, as if he's on some mind-altering drug. Something like "I will win against you because I am all that is! You are nothing in the universe! BAAATIIISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I'd be entertained.

Actually, I believe they tried a sort of "insanity" angle with both Stevie Richards and Planet Stasiak, but neither time did they allow it to ride out so it'd actually work.

 

Hey, I've got an idea! To freshen up D-Von's character, why not make him into a stereotypical black baptist... oh...

 

[immaturity]Why not make D-Von a stereotypical CATHOLIC Priest? Then you could move him to RAW and team him with Bradshaw so they could take turns in their own "handicap matches" backstage... yuck yuck...[/immaturity]

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

Hmm... I AM surprised that they haven't paired up D-von, Golddust, Bradshaw, and Minidust now that you mention it.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Here's another one... how about Randy Orton as the pretty-boy terminal jobber who's "willing to do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to get ahead..."

 

Then turn Val Venis & Hardcore Holly gay and stick Orton with them and they could have a true "Hardcore (Gay) Porn" stable... can you imagine the feuds with B&C&R because they won't "play rough"? Smell the ratings! Of course, after the match, they shake hands and Orton makes a really bad "I'm more than willing to do THIS job" comment and winks at the camera...

[Guest Nevermortal]

They need a wrestler that wants old school to come back, even to the point that he makes them reinstate the "DQ If Thrown Over the Top Rule". Also, he will clasp on 3 minute headlocks, and finish with his big finisher, a stomp.

 

He'll be hated, nay, loathed by fans. 3x as much heat as X-Pac wearing a "I Hate Everyone" t-shirt.

 

The guy who could play this character needs to be some guy who isn't in very good condition at all...not a very good upper body, etc. A plain, white, pasty guy.

 

He also refuses to wrestle unless the TV lights are off, and a cloud of smoke is in the air.

 

To get the full effect, you might want to have him appear in old clothing all the time and have a really bad hairstyle.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

They need a wrestler that wants old school to come back, even to the point that he makes them reinstate the "DQ If Thrown Over the Top Rule". Also, he will clasp on 3 minute headlocks, and finish with his big finisher, a stomp.

 

He'll be hated, nay, loathed by fans. 3x as much heat as X-Pac wearing a "I Hate Everyone" t-shirt.

 

The guy who could play this character needs to be some guy who isn't in very good condition at all...not a very good upper body, etc. A plain, white, pasty guy.

 

He also refuses to wrestle unless the TV lights are off, and a cloud of smoke is in the air.

 

To get the full effect, you might want to have him appear in old clothing all the time and have a really bad hairstyle.

But isn't Sergeant Slaughter a road agent now? And aren't Big Bossman and Hogan off TV at the moment?

[Guest The Czech Republic]

His name would be Crusher Zablicki.

[Guest RicFlairGlory]

They need a wrestler that wants old school to come back, even to the point that he makes them reinstate the "DQ If Thrown Over the Top Rule". Also, he will clasp on 3 minute headlocks, and finish with his big finisher, a stomp.

 

He'll be hated, nay, loathed by fans. 3x as much heat as X-Pac wearing a "I Hate Everyone" t-shirt.

 

The guy who could play this character needs to be some guy who isn't in very good condition at all...not a very good upper body, etc. A plain, white, pasty guy.

 

He also refuses to wrestle unless the TV lights are off, and a cloud of smoke is in the air.

 

To get the full effect, you might want to have him appear in old clothing all the time and have a really bad hairstyle.

I think that'd be great

[Guest The Czech Republic]

Maven should take on a Survival Tobita character and fight monsters. Let's make a few up: Refreshment Buntrock (he brings a park bench into the ring and sits next to Maven and they eat ice cream cones, then he sneak-attacks Maven), Solar Jackson (who draws his energy from the arena lighting) and of course Maven would feud with Ken the Box, skillfully played by Test.

[Guest Redhawk]

Maven playing the part of "Young Jerry Lawler" -- He lusts after every girl backstage, making lecherous comments. And not on the Test, "I'm so smooth," level, but on Lawler's "shamelessly trying to get some ass" level. He would even hit on girls in front of their boyfriends (Lita/Matt, Torrie/Kidman, Molly/Nowinski), talking about sexual encounters that never actually happened.

 

Randy Orton playing "Cowboy Bob Fan Club President" -- He annoys the shit out of everyone by CONSTANTLY talking about how great his dad was. He'll go up to the Rocks and HHHs talking about how they're not so hot and his dad Cowboy Bob would kick their ass. And he'd never wear a cowboy hat, but he'd carry one around, along with a big picture of his dad wrestling some legend (like Flair), and always making excuses for why Bob lost that particular match.

[Guest Rabbi_wilson13]

I'm basically stealing this from my boy Frost and credit should go to him, but it fits so well:

 

For your old-school wrestler, have him no-sell fancy stuff like hurricanranas, the F5 or tornado DDTs, but if you lock on an armbar, he screams like your cutting off his arm with a chainsaw. Gets knocked out by a vertical suplex.

 

I would mark so hard for that. It be kinda like Angle, with the amatuer wrestling just making people hate him. Why not have Orton do this? He's not over, he needs a gimmick. It could work.

 

Oh, and major props for the "Funaki's Flock" idea. First Velocity, then the world!

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

Randy Orton.. he will be dubbed "The Abortionist"!

 

It'll get alot of heel heat in the South and i'm sure that "The Abortionist" Randy Orton, with his finisher, The Alley Way Special, would get his own fans claiming it's their choice to like him.

 

Maven.. he will become the man who really loves his own eyebrows.

 

Albert.. he will become "Cletus the Fetus", the nemisis of The Abortionist.

 

Mark Henry.. he will become the evil weightlifter, he can refuse to spot people, he can hit Val Venis with a barbell to the eye.

 

Valbowski.. The Libertarian of Death.. he will bash America for their refusal to listen to Libertarians and finish matches with the "Tax-killer"

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

I didn't come up with it, but..

 

Chris Benoit: Canadian Badass.

 

He can shave his head, swear a lot, drink Molsons and hunt moose, and feud with the boss. He's even got a perfect catchphrase. "Eh?"

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

wouldn't the Canadian Badass, Benoit, have to grow facial hair to make that gimmick work?

 

another gimmick idea: Bull Buchanan, Evil Guy who speaks out for restraint and keeping civil rights during the War on Terror, it'd get alot of heat!

 

since the fans are morons.

[Guest saturnmark4life]

Well getting back to the real stuff, SATURN needs to be in the tag division as part of the eliminators, preferably with kanyon. He'll never get over in singles now past being KING OF VELOCITY~!

[Guest FeArHaVoC]

They can put Torrie Wilson & Dawn Marie with Matt Hardy, Moore and Helms and they become the cast of "Scooby Doo"

 

Helms already talks like Scooby a little.