Old sk00l stuff (Part 1 of 5, or maybe more)

[Guest Angel_Grace_Blue]

Ah...the old IGNWF. A simpler time when I sucked, and the best I could do was make stuff like this. Thanks goes to JD for getting this link.

 

Uh, I forgot to get the link, and besides, nobody checked them anyway. If you DO want to see the replies, though, it's on the 17th page of my IGNWF board posts if you're curious. Here we go:

 

NTD walks hesitantly out from behind some curtains. He tries to go backstage once again, but an unseen person or persons prevents him from doing so and forces him back on stage.

 

NTD: Hello folks! I’m NTD, Pantless Wonder of the IGNWF! I’m here to tell you about a great new product! It’s called Nads, and it’s a revolutionary hair removal system. It’s completely painless. In just a few minutes, I’ll be demonstrating this myself, as I completely remove all the hair on my body. That’s right, I’ll be completely hairless! Nads is a new product from Australia, so who better to help explain what’s all in Nads, then resident Australian, the IGNWF’s very own, Sacred!

 

The scene star-wipes to Sacred, white laboratory coat on, and surrounded by various vats and vials of unknown substances.

 

Sacred: Hello, and I’m here to tell you about what is in Nads. Well, it’s a blend of the finest glues, derived from only World Champion racehorses. It also contains the venom of our Cane Toad overlords. Not to mention, the…

 

Cameraman: You’re a loony, aren’t you?

 

Sacred: Yes! A heh! Bwee hoo ham in me trousers!

 

Star-wipe back to NTD, who’s clad only in a towel.

 

NTD: That was Sacred, he’s crazy, but that just means we don’t have to pay him as much. Anyway, I’m ready to get Nads! But, I need my assistants to come on out!

 

The small studio audience cheers as Bobby Riley makes his way out.

 

Riley: You ready NTD?

 

NTD: Ready as I’ll ever be.

 

Riley puts on two pairs of thermal gloves, the covers his body with a suit of asbestos. Walking to a pot of boiling Nads, Riley puts an applicator stick in the viscous mixture. Smearing the Nads on NTD’s legs, Riley then puts a strip of the removal paper on.

 

NTD: Now folks, this is how painless Nads is.

 

Riley grabs on to the paper and pulls, removing not only the hair, but a sizeable chunk of NTD’s skin along with it.

 

NTD: ****! SWEET MOTHER***ING SON OF A ***** MOTHER****ER! DAMMIT TO MOTHER****ING HELL!

 

Riley: Ready for the next area?

 

NTD: **** NO! WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU MOTHER****ER! ****!

 

Neilsen of the Jungle walks out from behind the curtains, looking angry. (Well, he always looks angry, but this time more than usual)

 

Neilsen: What the f*ck you doing b*tch? That’s my gimmick! I’m going to teach your ***** ass not to steal things from the king of the mother****ing jungle, mother****er!

 

Neilsen walks over to NTD, slaps on a side headlock, and Neilsen McTwist! NTD is out cold and Neilsen, pulling out a bottle of Uncle Jack, walks backstage once, cursing under his breath.

 

Riley: Well, I guess we should continue.

 

Riley covers NTD’s body with the still bubbling mixture, spending what many people in the studio audience believe is too long a time on the anal and genital area, applies the removal strips, and with Rane’s assistance, pulls them off in one go, causing NTD to awaken.

 

NTD: ****! THAT ******* HURTS! DAMMIT RILEY, YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO ******* PUT ANY OF THAT CRAP ON MY…

 

Rane, raising a might hand, brings it down on NTD’s head, knocking him out.

 

Riley: Uh, that’s all the time we have for tonight! Remember, Nads is completely pain free, buy some today.

 

 

 

Uh...I really don't know what to say...honestly...

[Guest realitycheck]

Hahaha... that's fucking classic. Great stuff. I eagerly await, with bated breath, the next installements. Or something equally fruitcake-y that gets across my point of liking this. Or whatever.

 

-Z

[Guest redbaron51]

that is the most repulsive but yet the funniest thing i've ever read

[Guest chirs3]

That was beautiful.

 

That was Sacred, he’s crazy, but that just means we don’t have to pay him as much.

 

Sig worthy.