Old sk00l stuff (Part 3 of 5)

[Guest Angel_Grace_Blue]

New version of the soup cook-off, now with even fewer replies because half of the league is composed of n00bs who don't know what the hell is going on. W00t!

 

The scene opens up with a shot of rows of tables, in which at intervals, are various IGNWF superstars and large pots. NTD is seen walking up and down the rows of tables, leaning over to inquire what’s in each one.

 

NTD: Hello and welcome to the first ever IGNWF Soup Cook-Off. We have some of the top IGNWF superstars here, and they’re showing off their cooking skills by making their favorite soups, chowders, chilies, and the like. Here’s the first contestant, Sacred. What do you call your soup Sacred?

 

Sacred: Oi, I call it me Happy Super Good Fun Time soup.

 

NTD: Well, that’s a mouthful. Well, as the judge, I guess I better have a taste.

 

NTD grabs a spoon and dips it into the pot. He looks at the spoon, takes a smell, and then eats it.

 

NTD: Hmm, I detect some valiums, some Prozac, let’s see, are there vicadent in there as well. Wait, it’s just a bunch of pills!

 

Sacred: By crikey, you’re right! I forgot the Fosters!

 

NTD ignores him and continues down the line of tables. He comes upon current IGNWF Australian champion Axis.

 

NTD: Ah, Axis, you’ve entered a soup as well. Why didn’t you and Sacred collaborate to make an Australian classic?

 

Axis: What do you mean? The Australians don’t have a regional food, like Mexican, Chinese, or the like. Besides, a few shrimp fell off his barbie quite a while ago, I don’t like to hang around him much anymore. Well, go ahead try my soup.

 

NTD picks up another spoon, dips it in Axis’ pot, and removes it to find it’s filled with a brownish colored liquid. NTD tentatively swallows it, but it seems okay and he has another spoonful.

 

NTD: Hmm, this is just warm Pepsi Max, isn’t it?

 

Axis: I CAN’T COOK! What do you expect!?

 

Not wanting to anger the large Aussie, NTD quickly moves to the next superstar, who’s none other than recently re-hired Stubby P. McWeed!

 

NTD: I’ve got a feeling what his soup’s going to be, but I’ll try it anyway. So, Mr. McWeed, what do you call your concoction?

 

Stubby: Maan, I, like call it, Stubby’s Stem and Seed Special.

 

NTD grabs a spoon, dips it into the pot, and upon pulling it out, Stubby’s name holds true, as seeds, leaves, and stems are floating in NTD’s spoon. NTD looks around cautiously, and then swallows it, seeds and all.

 

NTD: Hmm, I detect a hint of Oregano, some onions perhaps, but definitely some fine Southern Californian marijuana. Moving on, wait, I’ll get another taste of that.

 

NTD again downs a spoonful of Stubby’s soup, and another, and another. NTD finally stops after a cameraman reminds him that it’s only an hour-long show, after NTD has consumed the equivalent to a kilo of marijuana. NTD stumbles forward, to retired grappler Bobby Riley!

 

NTD: So, homo, I mean Bobbi, what soup you got in store for us?

 

Riley: Well, I’m making a Chinese delicacy, and a personal favorite, Cream of Sum Yung Guy!

 

NTD: I’m not trying that. Uh, Ben, anyone want to be the judge? Nobody, okay, you’re disqualified Bobby, go home.

 

Riley: Oh, you are so mean!

 

Riley sulks off the set and backstage. NTD continues down the row, coming upon G.O.A.T.

 

NTD: Well, here we have the G.O.A.T. What are you cooking for the competition?

 

G.O.A.T.: I’m making some of my famous chili.

 

NTD: Oh, I like chili. This should be good.

 

NTD takes out a spoon, dips it in the chili pot, and swallows. His face contorts, as if he swallowed acid, and sweat beads form on his forehead.

 

NTD: Man, that’s spicy! Let’s see, I tasted some jalapeno, some other chilies, uh, some ground beef, some beans, and there’s something else. I can’t quite put my finger on it.

 

G.O.A.T.: I added some tequila.

 

NTD: Really? I guess I better get another taste.

 

NTD grabs a bowl, dips it in the chili pot, and drinks the contents in one gulp. Staggering around, NTD continues forward, meeting Rane!

 

NTD: Hey Rane! What did you cook today?

 

Rane: MEAT SOUP!

 

NTD: Okay, meat soup. Sounds good.

 

NTD pulls out a spoon and attempts to get a taste of Rane’s soup, but can’t as the big man simply put a slab of beef in a crock-pot and turned the heat to the highest setting. NTD appears as if he’s about to make fun of Rane’s ignorance, but decides against it after remembering how large Rane is.

 

NTD: Well, I’m sure it’s great, but I just remembered, I’m allergic to meat, sorry.

 

Rane: YOU EAT MEAT NOW!

 

NTD quivers with fear; Rane rips a huge piece of meat off of the slab and force-feeds NTD.

 

NTD: Yummy, it’s great. Should be in the finals for sure.

 

NTD runs as fast as his pantless legs can carry him. Turning a corner, he comes upon Perfect Bo.

 

NTD: Bo? I didn’t know you were a chef.

 

Bo: Whatever just try the damn stuff.

 

NTD grabs a spoon off the table, and takes a sample of Bo’s soup, entitled “Bo’s Bronx Broth”

 

NTD: Hmm, let’s see what we have here. Bo, did you get water from the Hudson River and mix in some malt liquor?

 

Bo: Yeah, man, I can’t cook. I’m just a brawler.

 

NTD: Bo, there are bodies in the Hudson, this stuff could kill someone.

 

Bo: Oops, my bad.

 

NTD induces vomiting after Bo’s potentially lethal concoction, and continues down a row of tables. NTD looks up to be face to face with Neilsen of the Jungle.

 

NTD: Wow, Neilsen, I didn’t think you’d be in a contest like this. I didn’t think you could cook.

 

NotJ: How the f*** you think I f*****’ survived in the f*****’ jungle motherf*****? Of course I can f*****’ cook. Now try Neilsen’s f*****’ Alphabet soup motherf*****.

 

NTD appears to be on the verge of making a comment about Neilsen preparing alphabet soup, but thinks better of it. Taking a spoon, he dips it in the pot.

 

NotJ: What the f*** does it say?

 

NTD reads the words on the spoon and gets a look of shock on his face.

 

NotJ: I said, what the f*** does it say motherf*****?

 

NTD: F*** off.

 

NotJ: Then do what the soup says motherf*****!

 

NTD quickly eats the contents of his spoon and runs from the Jungle King.

 

NTD: That's pretty damn good, I think he had some Jack Daniels in there.

 

NTD scans the tables, seeing who’s remaining. His eyes light up as he makes his way to Grimedogg.

 

NTD: Grimedogg, let me guess, you’ve made a hardcore soup, right?

 

GD: HOW’D YOU KNOW? Grimedogg and his soup are HARDCORE!

 

NTD: Sure they are. Let me have a taste.

 

NTD takes a spoon off the table, dips it in and swallows the contents.

 

NTD: DAMMIT! This is just hot water, and pieces of hardcore weapons! There are parts of a kendo stick, nuts, bolts, DAMMIT! You don’t put metal in a soup!

 

NTD continues down the line of tables and as he reaches the end, he comes upon Fallout. A faint green glow is seen from Fallout’s pot, and the man sits, smiling a strange smile.

 

NTD: Fallout, is your soup comprised of, or contains radioactive elements or radioactive waste?

 

Fallout: Dammit! All right, who told you?

 

NTD: Nobody, I could tell from the green glow. I’m not trying your soup, mainly for the fact that it could kill me.

 

Fallout: Fair enough.

 

NTD reaches the final entrant, Curry Man!

 

NTD: Curry! You’re here, how?

 

Curry Man: Simple. I just possessed my corpse!

 

NTD: Let me guess, you’ve made your famous curry?

 

Curry Man: You know it!

 

NTD doesn’t even bother with a spoon; he eats the contents of the entire pot!

 

NTD: Okay, we have a winner! Uh, (Looks at Rane) um, (Looks at Neilsen) the winner is a tie! Yes, Rane, Neilsen of the Jungle and Curry Man have all won! Now excuse me!

 

NTD runs as fast as he can away from the competition. Going through several doors, he runs right into Bobby Riley who’s taking his soup home with him. The pot flies in the air and comes down on NTD, covering him in the white soup.

 

NTD: DAMMIT!

 

 

 

Strange how Raynor is similar to how I represented Rane, isn't it?

[Guest Ace309]

bahahahahahahahahahaha

 

You owe me a new keyboard.

[Guest redbaron51]

that is fuckin funny as hell.

 

creme of sum yung guy

[Guest WrestlingDeacon]

Even if I don't know who half these guys are, this was still very funny and I got a good sense of most of the characters. We should start doing stuff like this again.