WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 8/29/2002!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

Jesus Christ, that was the best Smackdown so far. From Smackdown Spoiler headers, I thought I was supposed to hate it. [mul]DOOMSTONE came over and we watched it together with my wife so I`m sorry that this is a few minutes late- as I usually write all these insightful comments while watching and mainly during the Stacker 2 commercials- THUS explainging why these are usually posted within 6 minutes of the show ending. I also have to get up at 4:30 AM tomorrow and drive 3 hours to Winchester, Virginia to do work related things, so apologies about the world making this a slightly truncated beloved workrate report. I dug this weeks show probably even more than the PPV. They should all be booked this well.

 

WHAT WORKED-

 

- Eddy gets his win back from Edge by cheating to win to set up a SWANK frogsplash and you party and freak out like happy boys- hubbahubbahubbahubbahubba. Edge going over at the PPV makes more sense now and hopefully this will further the Eddy vs Edge feud- as Edge is quite the game Sting to Eddy`s masterful Vader and they have a good, heated match everytime out of the shoot. This kinda sets the pattern of Heyman`s booking of the last week- as Heyman was king-sized at getting a whole roster over through creative booking when at the helm of ECW and seems to be taking a shot at it here. Here, Eddy comes off of Edge`s stong win over Eddy at the PPV with a strong win over Edge. Rikishi gets a strong win over a weakened Eddy who puts him over clean as a sheet after the PERFECT Rikishi Superkick and then Benoit gets a possibly overly strong win on a weakened Rikishi. Undertaker gets a strong win over a weakened Benoit. Heyman understands the gradations and power of every win and loss. Kevin Sullivan could never figure that out. This all leads up to the formula of feeding guys to Lesnar by having them heat it up by wrestling Benoit, Angle and Eddy. Anyway, Edge was quite the game Sting, taking the brutal beating by Eddy and making a slightly pedestrian face comeback, taking a beatdown and making a bigger comeback, and finally making a big comeback but Eddy cheats to win and you and I are stoked that Eddy gets his win back and gets to wrestle again this evening. Eddy is DEEPLY God-like- he is the Best Wrestler In The World this week.

 

- Rico went from being merely the New Jerry Flynn and Unexotic Adrian Street to The World`s Best Possible Man-candy Jerry Flynn- as he and Rey have a fabulous batch of wrestling. Rey Rey looked great flying over Rico (and the toprope) and crushing the Four Perfect Cheeks Of Glory that accompanied Rico. I wonder why they were banished from ringside afterwards because REY REY JUMPED ON THEM! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! I think that stupid fucking referree has issues with his sexuality and wants to deny me and you Chuck and Billy`s taut and quivering buttockes! The stupid closed-minded motherfucker! Rey Rey`s Mortal into the dropkick is becoming akin to the Guillotine legdrop while your opponent is in the ropes in terms of a preposterous set-up. It still has vestiges of coolness because Silver King uses it in Japan as Black Tiger- and Silver King is your wrestling Lord and Saviour if you have half a brainstem. Rico gets maddest phattest props for SUWAing the Toprope Rana like a complete motherfucker- getting the big rotation in the roll-up. Rico needs to work on his punches. His Moonsault to Nowhere was fucking beautiful.

 

- Rikishi and Eddy have a spirited affair with Rikishi going over clean as a sheet and then Eddy and Benoit get Eddy`s heat back by beating the shit out of Rikishi- which affects the Benoit vs Rikishi match. Rikishi is good in this- selling for Eddy and bumping well. They tease a stinkface but don`t actually pull the trigger. This would go down yonder in the DON`T WORKED column in your mind, because you don`t get your description of Rikishi`s tantalizing blowhole fantasyland of turgid, pungent, alluring taint. I apologize, gentle reader, and assure that your joke about Rikishi`s giant ass will come next week. Eddy is fucking God but Rikishi is sooooooo underrated. You should all be ashamed. The motherfucker can work. And he was int he motherfucking SST. What do fucking want?

 

- God, Shannon Moore does his best impersonation of Psicosis this time around and Tajiri goes waaaaay back to his Kendo Nagasaki training to work an actual wrestling match between the spots. Shannon was fearless as he leaned into Tajiri`s phat assed kicks like a fucking champ. The cameo by Noble and Nidia wasn`t enough to satiate my giant need to see their exploits every week but the fact they gave this match a really long time and continued Moore`s inexplicable push made me love this all the more. Tajiri needs to lose the pants already and get on the Noble bandwagon. That didn`t sound right.

 

- Stephanie is gonna try to stir the stinky stew with Benoit- what with seductive smile after she gets him all riled up about beating the dogshit out of Rikishi.

 

- Brock Lesnar is motherfucking GOD. Brock Lesnar OUTBUMPS Matt motherfucking Hardy in a glorified squashmatch. MATT FUCKING HARDY. That`s love of the craft of professional wrestling that doesn`t surface again until the next Kurt Angle match. Lesnar also hits the best Overhead Belly to Belly since awe-inspiring belly-to-belly against Rikishi- all the while bumping like a lobotomized maroon for Matt Hardy. I`m all about the Mattitude.

 

- The Main Event was the thing I was supposed to hate. I forgot to hate it. I hated the fact that it was a 3-way because as a rule, three-ways suck. This 3-way had Benoit and Angle beating the living dogpiss out of each other so it fucking ruled. The ANGLE COMPLETE ROTATION SELL OF THE BENOIT RELEASED GERMAN SUPLEX WAS MOTHERFUCKING GOD CHRIST HOLY SPIRIT BALLS TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WALL BALLS OUT. Undertaker seemed fired up to be in the match and bumped as well as he could and wisely let Benoit and Angle carry the body of the match before getting the win. The idiocy of the 3-way ruins the double submission spot so it didn`t enrage me but it`s annoying that Angle would break the hold and attack Benoit. I`m assuming that this will set up Benoit vs UT next week and UT vs Angle the week after and the- after Unforgiven- Booker T jumps and we do it all over again.

 

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-

 

- John Cena`s punches weren`t good. That match seems like he and Devon ran out of stuff at 3 minutes in and THAT ain`t good.

 

- I awaited Bob Holly to say ``durn!`` while being dissed by Stephanie. And I hope they weren`t shooting for sexual tension between Holly and Dawn Marie because I just don`t picture Holly tagging anyone outside of a 1999 Packed and Stacked calendar.

 

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

 

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

[Guest LJSexay]

<3

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

Dean just rules the fucking Earth, man...

[Guest OctoberBlood]

Dean, great report. And I totally agree.

[Guest starvenger]

I think that stupid fucking referree has issues with his sexuality and wants to deny me and you Chuck and Billy`s taut and quivering buttockes!

 

It's a conspiracy against the Natural Ass Thrillers, I tells ya...

[Guest Brian]

Rikishi is very underrated. He's not afraid to bump unlike other guys of his size. He works a decent match and sells well most of the time.

[Guest Anglesault]

I'm not sure why Benoit wouldn't continue with a leg attack though...

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

The leg attack didn't work for Guerrero - Rikishi ended it in a superkick. So benoit had to go to his trusted friend... the crossface, to get the job done.

[Guest Anglesault]

But there was an injured leg. Pick it apart.

[Guest SmarkySmark]

Am I the only one that finds Rikishi to be a waste of space? Maybe it's just me.

 

But I agree tonight's Smackdown was what a "wrestling" show should be. I hate to say it, but lately Smackdown is the superior show.

 

I loved Rico's rolling vertical suplexes into a Falcon Arrow...too bad all Tazz could call it was a "version of the power bomb"

[Guest RickyChosyu]

Rico fucking rules. Benoit fucking rules. Angle fucking Rules. Eddy fucking rules. Rey fucking rules. Tajiri fucking rules.

 

Smackdown! > Raw

[Guest Nater]

Great show, better review.

[Guest Brian]

Yeah, Benoit's had a ton of success going after Rikishi's leg (KOTR 2000).

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

If this show had less Rikishi, it could have been the best SD ever IMO.

[Guest Raven_Effect01]

Smackdown! > Raw

You know, lately, I'd have to agree, except for Steph, Rikishi, Holly, Cena, Brock, and The Undertaker of course.

[Guest RavishingRickRudo]

There was an injured leg, and look at all the good it did for eddie... he ate a superkick... The Superkick uses the legs...duh.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

I think that stupid fucking referree has issues with his sexuality and wants to deny me and you Chuck and Billy`s taut and quivering buttockes!

 

It's a conspiracy against the Natural Ass Thrillers, I tells ya...

Y DOES THE GOVERNMENT WANT 2 DENY US THE FABULOUS MALE ASS BUFFET?!?!?!?

 

DEAN.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

I loved Rico's rolling vertical suplexes into a Falcon Arrow...too bad all Tazz could call it was a "version of the power bomb"

I thought Rico was being ironic with that particular move- since the Falcon Arrow was the New Headlock Of 1998 and the Locomotion Suplex Variation is the New Headlock of 2001-2002. Rico ruled it mostly for being King Rudo on the toprope Rana. That rocked it.

 

DEAN.