OAOAST IntenselyHeldDOWN~! 7/1/02

[Guest alfdogg]

A camera shows us an outside shot, where a helicopter is touching down outside the arena. A figure wearing a hood exits the helicopter and runs towards the arena, while the helicopter takes off. Once inside, the figure takes the hood off, and it is revealed to be Alison, of the In Crowd! She brushes back her hair and wipes her eyes, as she rounds a corner. However, she runs into another figure standing in the hallway. Alison looks up and gasps.

 

“Hiya, sis.”

 

Sandman9000, the brother of Alison and archenemy of EvenflowDDT, Alison’s boyfriend, is standing in her way. Alison looks nervous and scared.

 

“Oh God, you scared me. What are you doing here?”

 

“What are YOU doing here? Shouldn’t you be in some alley somewhere, taking it up the ass for E?”

 

Alison looks annoyed. “What do you want?”

 

“Why, I can’t come and say hello to my baby sister? Come on now, it has been a couple of weeks since we last met. Who knows, a lot can change in that time. With the way you act, who knows if you have been knocked up or not?”

 

“Stop it. This isn’t funny.”

 

“You know what isn’t funny?” Sandman gets into Alison’s face. “The fact that BPP made a stipulation that me and SuperShit can’t touch each other in any way, shape, or form before BeachBlast, or else the match is off, and we don’t get another title shot before the end of the year. That’s really @#%$ funny, isn’t it? Because, I think that is @#%$ hilarious!”

 

“Jake, please. You are scaring me.”

“My name is Sandman9000! And just because I can’t do anything to SuperShit doesn’t mean that I can’t do something to another In Crowd member.” Sandman places his arm around the shoulders of Alison. “C’mon, sis. Let’s take a walk.”

 

Coming Sunday, July 14th…The OAOAST proudly presents Beach Brawl, brought to you by 1-800 COLLECT.

Zack Malibu challenges Caboose for the World Title!

Big Poppa Popick and new-comer All-American Boy fight in a Steel Cage!

Superstar vs. Sandman in a Staple Gun Match!

AngleSault takes on TrebleCharged in a Street Fight!

EvenflowDDT challenges Alfdogg to a United States Title Match!

All this and much, much more coming in 2 weeks!

8:00PM

OaOasT - Attitude, because Entertainment is so passé.

We are live straight back from the sold out Pennsylvania MotorDome for this special edition of the #1 E-Fed on the planet, 2 weeks away from Beach Brawl!!!

The new OvalTron is painted orange, and a Deadly Alliance Banner hangs down on the right. On the other side, the IZ logo is proudly displayed. The pryo booms in the colors of the rainbow as Prodigy's "Firestarter" hits. Huge flames shoot out of the stage, and before we can get to show the packed downtown area, the bell rings and we've got a match!

"This Means War" blasts and Caboose w/World Title Belt, walks down the entrance ramp to a massive @#%$ chant. He enters the ring and flips the crowd off, who boo him with even more fervent angst.

"Sandstorm" plays and BPP w/Celes strides down towards the ring. The crowd has a mixed reaction for the crooked commissioner, as his ways seem to have changed ever since he met this girl at SomeGuy's 21st Birthday Party.

The bell rings as Celes takes a seat next to the timekeeper's table, and we have a match

World Title Match

Big Poppa Popick w/Celes (Challenger) vs. Caboose (Champion)

“Sandstorm” hits, as Deadly Alliance member Big Poppa Popick makes his way to ringside. BPP, who is co-IZHD commissioner along with Cobainwasmurdered of the aWo, is looking to add the OAOAST Championship to his collection. Win or lose, the belt stays with the DA.

 

“This Means War” hits, as OAOAST Champion Caboose makes his way to ringside. Despite the fact that both are members of the DA, BPP has sworn that he will bring the fight to Caboose, who wants no part of this matchup.

 

As the two are in the ring, Caboose grabs the mic.

 

“Listen. You know that I have to defend my title against Zack Malibu at Beach Blast. And in all honestly, shut up, and in all honesty, I, excuse me, I mean, we, do not need to be fighting each other. So, being the type of person I am, I am going to give you the victory.”

 

BPP looks to be shocked, until Caboose shakes his head and resumes speaking. “What I am going to do is walk out of this matchup, and be counted out. While you will get the victory, I will still retain my title. And this silly little game between us will be over. Besides, we both know who the superior member is.”

Caboose drops the mic and exits the ring, as the official rings the bell and begins to count. At the count of four, BPP slides out of the ring and chases after Caboose, who is halfway up the ramp. Blindsiding Caboose from behind, BPP brings Caboose back down to ringside and throws him into the ring, and follows.

BPP and Caboose pace the ring again, this time with Caboose getting BPP in a headlock. BPP pushes Caboose off and into the ropes, with Caboose running right into a leaping clothesline by BPP! That looked wicked! BPP goes for the quick cover, but Caboose immediately kicks out!

BPP with some chops to Caboose, finally releasing the champion with an irish whip to the far side. Caboose dodges BPP's running clothesline and comes back connecting with a cross-body! Caboose kicks BPP in the chest and pulls him up in a front facelock. BPP has enough presence of mind to counter and use the hold to suplex Caboose! BPP floats over into a cover, but he only gets a 1-count!

BPP mounts Caboose and punches away, adding a kneedrop for added affect. He slaps on a headlock with scissors to try and wear down the champion. Slowly, Caboose begins to power out, and out of nowhere hits a modified angle-slam on the challenger! Caboose with the cover, but only a 2-count.

Caboose turns BPP over into a Boston Crab, working on that lower back…BPP rolls through and in a very innovative counter locks in a figure-four leglock! The crowd thinks Caboose could tap, but instead Caboose makes it to the ropes! Oh my.

BPP picks up a hobbling Caboose, and plants him with a Manhattan Drop. Caboose holds his crotch…BPP goes underneath and uses his left hand to grab both of Caboose's hands while grabbing Caboose's throat with his right. BPP uses leverage to pick Caboose up in this position, and then slam him face-first into the mat. What the hell was that? BPP goes for the cover…1…2…no! Caboose barely kicked out of that one. BPP over to pick Caboose up, but Caboose hits with a low blow… Caboose goes outside and picks up a chair, throwing it into the ring.

The referee sees the chair and tosses it out. Caboose comes in and acts angry with the ref. At the last second, Caboose notices BPP out of the corner of his eye and moves! BPP connects with a superkick to the referee, who is out cold. Caboose grabs BPP by the waist and hits a massive release German suplex!

Caboose goes back outside and once again grabs the chair. Celes comes over to try and stop Caboose from using it, but Caboose pushes her aside. He enters the ring and WHACK! BPP staggers and Caboose drops the Chair. Caboose with a pickup, and no, he wouldn't do that to his own teammate! EMERALD FUSION on the Chair!

Caboose throws the chair out of the ring as the referee revives…Caboose rolls BPP over and hooks the near leg…The ref hits the count…1…2….2.99999999! BPP somehow kicked out.

Caboose picks BPP up and goes for another EMERALD FUSION. But, at the last second, BPP counters, uses the momentum, and flips up Caboose and into a FINALITY!

Both men are out…but BPP slowly gets the feet as the crowd begins to shout.

 

Suddenly, the All American Boy jumps out from the crowd and attacks BPP from behind. BPP tries to fight back, but is unable to counter-punch against AAB’s flurry and is forced to cover-up. Caboose is halfway over the guardrail, but turns back and grabs a chair. He aims for AAB and swings, but AAB moves out of the way a full second before Caboose swings. Caboose instead nails BPP in the head with the chair. The official calls for the bell, and awards the match to BPP. Not for the inference of the AAB, but for Caboose’s chair shot. The crowd is confused at the decision, and boos.

Winner: Big Poppa Popick in 18:15, but still World Champion, Caboose!

Via: Disqualification by Chairshot

AAB hops over the guardrail and runs to parts unknown. Caboose throws the chair down in disgust and walks up the ramp. BPP struggles to make it to his feet. He watches the replay of the chair shot on the AngleTron, and thinks that he sees AAB move a while before Caboose swings. But his vision is blurry, and his head hurts. Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him?

Celes crawls into the ring and sees BPP laid out. She helps roll him out of the ring and supports him as he walks away to the back, to a mild pop from the crowd…

 

8:20 PM

Backstage, in an unknown part of the arena, Sandman forces Alison to sit in a chair.

 

“What are we doing here? Why are you doing this?”

 

“Like I’m gonna tell you. You think this is some movie where I tell you exactly what I am going to do to you, so you can escape it? Just sit down and don’t do anything stupid, like move.”

 

“What is your @#%$ problem? You’ve been acting really creepy and strange lately. You’ve become some @#%$ psycho.”

 

“What do you mean by “become?” I’m pretty much the same person I always was. It’s just that my eyes are now open, when once they were shut.”

 

Alison shrugs her shoulders, in a “I-don’t-care” kind of way.

 

Sandman sighs. “I knew you were going to be a bitch about this. Listen, I’ve gotta go ref a match between SuperShit and Alfdogg, and ensure that SuperShit doesn’t win. So, you’re going to stay here. Okay? No, you’ll just leave. Guess we’ll have to take care of that.”

 

Sandman produces a chain, and wraps it around the arms of Alison. He then slips a lock through a couple of the chain links, and locks it.

 

“That should do it. I’m also going to bolt the door shut. All the doors look alike, so if anyone tries to come play hero, it won’t work. I’ll be back after humiliating your friend.”

 

“You’re a @#%$ @#%$! I hope SuperStar kicks your ass!”

 

“I hope he doesn’t, sis. Otherwise, I won’t be able to destroy him. And I’ll have to take it out on you.”

 

Sandman closes the door, and locks it shut. Alison starts to struggle in her chair. Evenflow appears, and enters the room.

Tag Team Title Match

Special Stipulation: Tire Iron on a Pole: First to get it can legally use it

Greenmist and a Mystery Partner(challenger) vs. CobainWasMurdered and SomeGuy (Champion)

Tire Iron on a Pole Match for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship

CWM/SomeGuy© vs. GreenMist/Mystery Partner

 

(Cue da Porno.)

 

Finkel: The following tag team contest is a tire iron on a pole match, where the first team to take the tire iron off the pole can use it in the match. It is for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship. Introducing first, representing the aWo, they are the tag team champions, SomeGuy and CWM!

 

(Typical aWo pop as they make their way into the ring. The music dies down and the TitanTron lights up to show GreenMist. Arthur slowly comes onto the screen. He is bandaged up and has a crutch tapes to his side.)

 

Arthur: Do you see what your heroes, the almighty aWo, has done? They have put me out of commission. While my good buddy Mist was recovering from a back attack by the softcore Flintstone kid Sandman, CWM decides to take it upon himself to attack us with a tire iron, hence the nature of this match. Well, guess who took the brunt of his attacks....I DID! And for your information, I was going to be the mystery partner tonight, but obviously that cannot happen.

 

(Some fans boo, while others get nachos.)

 

Arthur: But, fear not fans. GreenMist is a very well-liked guy and he had no problem finding a replacement. So, aWo, brace yourselves, IT'S T TIME!

 

(The aWo stands in the ring looking confused. Hey by Alice in Chains hits as per GM's normal entrance. However, a few moments pass and no one is coming. Suddenly, the revving of an engine is heard and GM's theme stops short and turns into the A-Team theme. The A-Team van comes speeding down the aisle to an immense pop driven by none other than Mr. T with GM in the passenger's side. It stops right in front of the ring. GM climbs out the side window and onto the top of the van, he sizes up, runs, jumps, and clears the ropes tackling CWM with a fury of right hands. Mr. T gets out of his side and enters the ring as he begins to brawl with SG. The bell rings as T and SG are broken up and go to their respective corners, but GM is still pounding away on CWM. GM picks him up and irish whips into the buckle and a stiff dropkick to the lower back. GM sets CWM up again in the corner and unleashes a barrage of kicks to the midsection. GM irish whips CWM into the opposite buckle and meets him with a stiff dropkick to the jaw busting him open. CWM slumps down as GM climbs up to try to get to the tire iron. CWM gets a burst of energy and is able to hit the low blow knocking GM to a sitting position on the ropes and then makes the tag to SG. SG comes in and hits s crucifix powerbomb. SG scoops GM up and hits an overhead release german someplex. SG gets on top of GM and locks in a double armbar. He releases it after sometime and then makes his way to the tire iron. He begins to ascend when GM gets up and falls into the ropes knocking SG down. GM scoops up SG and takes him down with a Fujiwara armbar. He holds it for a while before going into a modified liontamer. GM holds the leg of SG up and begins hitting stiff kicks to the thigh and calf. GM drags SG to the center of the ring and applies the figure 4. He holds it in for a while, when CWM finds something in his pocket and tosses it across the ring at Mr. T. T is of course furious and tries to get in the ring, but as he does, CWM enters and drops an elbow on GM causing him to release the hold. Now, both GM and SG are down in the middle of the ring. The ref begins his count, but SG begins to crawl to his corner as GM does the same to his. SG makes the tag in to CWM who comes in after GM, just as he makes the tag to Mr. T. CWM stops dead in his tracks and begins to back up as T approaches him. CWM throws a punch, T blocks and answers with his own. CWM goes down and gets to his knees. He begins to plead, but T will have none of that and grabs CWM by the hair and tosses him clear across the ring. He meets CWM with a clothesline and another, and another. As T approaches him again, CWM hits a poke to the eyes and rolls over to his corner to tag in Some Guy. SG enters and he and T begin to brawl. The brawl spills to the outside and into the crowd leaving CWM in the ring by himself. He attempts to seize the oppurtunity and begins to ascend to the top to the tire iron However, GM appears on the outside and pulls CWM off the top. He hits a kick to the midsection and enters the ring on a sunset flip, but CWM holds on. GM bridges up and after various movements and turning, has the tarantula hooked on CWM. GM finally lets go. He looks for a stiff kick to the head, but CWM ducks and pulls GM split legged over the ropes. He climbs back in the ring and hits a dropkick sending GM crashing through the announce table. CWM comes out and finds a chair. He sizes up GM and nails him in the face busting him open. Both are bleeding now. T and SG continue to have a balanced brawl in the back with the camera checking in on them from time to time. CWM rolls GM into the ring along with the chair. CWM places the chair over GM and climbs to the top rope. He comes off hitting a flying elbow onto the chair. CWM covers, but GM gets the shoulder up just after 2. CWM grabs the chair and sizes up GM once more. He swings, but GM ducks and hits a standing sidekick into the chair into CWM's face. GM falls to a knee and recovers. CWM is up and dazed, he swings at GM, who ducks and hits a kick to the midsection. GM goes through the hand motions and hits THE RED MIST~!, THE WHITE MIST~!, AND THE BLUE MIST~! It's patriotic mist. He sizes up CWM once more and covers all of that with one big GREEEEEN MIST~! He finishes off with a brainbuster and CWM is out. GM climbs up to the top rope and grabs the tire iron. CWM is just recovering. GM turns around and is nailed by a second tire iron that CWM had. The ref's attention was on the returning Mr. T and SG. CWM slips his tire iron into his pants. CWM covers. 1..2....3!

 

(Mr. T finally gets the advantage over SG and sends him into the ring post. CWM has his tag title, still covered in the multi colors of mist. He backs up and crashes into T. A paper falls out of CWM's pocket. T picks it up. It is a bill for 1-800-CALL-ATT.)

 

Mr. T: I PITY THE FOOL WHO DON'T KNOW 1-800-COLLECT SAVES THEM A BUCK OR TWO!

 

(T grabs CWM and tosses him into the first row. Afterwards, T helps GM up. They shake hands and pose for a little while before exiting in the A-Team van.)

Winner: CobainWasMurdered/SomeGuy in 9:45, and still Tag Team Champions

Via: CobainWasMurdered Tire Iron Shot

---Commercial Break

 

8:35PM

::"Here Comes the Money" hits and EvenflowDDT and Alison are seen in the backstage promo room. Though there are plenty of cheers for the former champion, there are still a fair share of boo's. A "We Want Zack" chant starts. EvenflowDDT pulls out a mic and motions for silence.

EvenflowDDT: Now, a couple of weeks ago, a terrible thing happened to me. I'm still not fully cleared for wrestling tonight, but, as the great DDP would say, that's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. While I was hospitalized, I was rather lonely, as only my closest friends in the In Crowd and my beloved came to visit me. No cards, no flowers, no nothing, and well... well I was hurt. This made me realize one thing, that I may always be richer, tougher, smarter, and better-looking than everyone else ::crowd boo's:: ... but in the end that doesn't really matter if I'm a total jack-ass about it, so I wanted to take this time to apologize for that and I'll try to be a more likable and kind person from now on, because I never really realized how much you guys mean to me until now ::crowd stops boo'ing, and many start cheering:: Now...

::Alison grabs the mic

Alison: Honey, I'm so proud of you that I'm going to reveal my surprise, right now! Now, I know you've felt a little down since you never got a rematch from Alfdogg and were screwed out of all your titles, so I'm going to cheer you up by getting some gold for you. That's right, tonight I'M going to be the FIRST female Women's Champion.

::At the mention of the idea, EvenflowDDT's jaw drops and he becomes totally distraught

EvenflowDDT: But that would mean you're facing J..J...Ji...

::EvenflowDDT passes out. Alison quickly catches him and carries him to the back::

 

8:40PM

Women's Title Match (We don't need a stinking title!)

Allison (Challenger) vs. Jingus (Champion)

Madonna's "What it Feels Like for a Girl" hits the ring as Alison and a VERY nervous EvenflowDDT make their way to ringside. EvenflowDDT keeps trying to convince Alison to give up the match, but she continues to walk down the ramp and enters the ring. EvenflowDDT holds the middle ropes open for her but remains outside the ring.

Finkel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OAOAT Women's Championship. Introducing first, the challenger, being accompanied by evenflowDDT, weighing in at 130 lbs... ALISON!

"Verdi's Requiem" hits and evenflowDDT pulls Alison out of the ring as Jingus makes his/her way to ringside, and poses menacingly in the ring.

Finkel: Making... uhhh... her... er... his... ummm... its way to the ring, the champion, weighing in at 357 lbs, The Devil Beast, JINGUS!

Alison rolls into the ring as the bell rings, starting the match. Jingus stares down on Alison, as she slaps Jingus really hard in the chest... and Jingus doesn't budge. She goes for another slap, but Jingus catches her arm and reverses into a Droopy Dog. EvenflowDDT covers his eyes outside the ring and screams as Jingus covers for 1...2...Alison somehow kicks out! EvenflowDDT uncovers his eyes, and isn't sure if he is more or less afraid for her safety, as Jingus is furious. Jingus clubs Alison hard, sending her sailing to the other side of the ring. He bounces off the ropes for a vicious Clothesline from Some Place Worse Than Hell, but EvenflowDDT shrieks and pulls Alison out of the ring, causing Jingus to sail over the top rope from his own momentum. The ref yells at EvenflowDDT, as both Alison and Jingus, who is becoming increasingly more angry (must be that time of the month) roll into the ring. Jingus signals for the DevilBomb, and EvenflowDDT goes totally nuts. He gets up on the apron, but the ref won't let him in the ring, so he shoves the ref, and SPEARS~! Alison out of harm's way. The ref recovers and calls for DQ, as Jingus DevilBomb's EvenflowDDT onto his injured back. EvenflowDDT cries out in pain, and passes out. Alison rushes down to attend to him, and calls for help.

Several paramedics arrive from the back with a stretcher, but they stop at ringside as "Kona Crush" hits and Alfdogg runs into the ring. He slaps EvenflowDDT across the face until he awakes, then turns him over, and continues to stomp the back.

Alfdogg: Guess what? ::whips out a clipboard:: Whether you're "cleared" for wrestling or not, you're contracted for a match with me on the 4th of July, MY birthday! So... ::EvenflowDDT begins to get up:: You ::stomp:: want ::stomp:: a rematch?! You ::stomp:: got ::stomp:: it! ::stomps with more fury::

Alfdogg heads to the top for the Five Star Alf Splash, but climbs down, choosing instead to drive the clipboard into the injured back and stomp extra hard, and leave the ring. The paramedics enter the ring as Alfdogg turns and mouths "Nobody beats Alfdogg..." from the top of the ramp.

Winner: Jingus in 5:36, and still OaOasT Women's Champion!

Via: EvenflowDDT Disqualification

---Commercial Break

 

8:55PM

Jingus is seen in the backstage area.

Jingus: What do you mean I have to wrestle…AGAIN! ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jingus turns to see Big Poppa Popick sitting as Celes dabs his eye to remove the blood.

Jingus: Did you do this? Huh! I want ANSWERS!

BPP: No, I didn't. Reject did. So like, whatever, I'm not really in a mood where I want to be bothered right now. I got hit with a chair you know…

Jingus: Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to upset your feelings. Let me get you a cold drink.

Jingus shuffles off with his head down and feeling very bad.

Celes: He's a weird fellow…

BPP: Yeah…But one I don't want to piss off.

Masked Mystery Eskimo walks by…

BPP: Hey Eskimo! Do you have a match tonight.

MME: No…

BPP: Fine, Umm. You're fighting Jingus and Reject in a Steel Cage for the TV Title.

MME: @#%$ you.

 

The IZ logo is shown, as light cracks into it. An explosion rocks the stage yet again, and here comes the HELDdown logo and music! The IZ Banner is replaced by the HeldDown logo.

 

9:30PM Jingus/MME/Reject Steel Cage Title Match

We cut to the back, where Jingus has been laid out and unconscious…Masked Mystery Eskimo happens upon the scene…

Derek: Well, at least we don't have to face him

MME: But he seemed so appreciate of the fish I…

*Clink* The lights go off.

They come back on, and Reject is standing over both Jingus and MME.

Derek: Oh @#%$!

Reject: Respect me, you will. Eskimo, I want a match with you at Beach Brawl for the title…Just us…You bring the title, I'll bring the fish.

Reject grabs Derek and flees the arena.

 

9:40PM

Caboose returns for a promo.

Caboose-'And still your One & Only World Champion, ME!

Lets get the small talk out of the way, AngleSault is no longer

champion, and that means this belt isn't his anymore, it's mine. So until I lose this belt, and belive me it won't be for awhile, this sticker is going to lay over the word AngleSault.

I am now the official One & Only Caboose Thread World Champion.

Now down to business, BPP you fought a good fight, and I commend you, but I am simply too much for you or anyone. I know you wanted to be competitive, but I was too competitive for you. I know you tried to set me up, but it failed, cos I am the man.

Since day one you thought you could get me to take out AngleSault, then when I didn't expect it, you were gonna try and take the belt from me.

Well it backfired cos I'm no schmuck, you simply suck.

I walk around backstage, I'm not oblivious to you and everyone elses plots to dethrone me. Everyones out to get me cos I have what they all want. Sandman I know you didn't just join the DA for the glory, you joined it to get closer to my belt, well back off cos your not getting any closer!

Dammit AlfDogg I saw you and Zack talking in the back, you said it was a confrontation, I know it's the pair of you conspiring to take me out, I can't trust anyone anymore!

Your all setting me up...

...Hey back off camera man, one step closer and I'll take you out, I know what you want, you can't have it, cos it's mine, all mine!

From BPP to Tony, from Zack to CWM, your all out to get me, but you won't cos I'm too good for all of you...

 

...I can't trust anyone...

 

...I'm the best...

 

...you all gonna double cross me...

 

...but you wont get away with it...

 

...I'm the champion, I'm the chosen one...

 

...your all trying to steal my soptlight...'

 

Caboose drops the mic and looks around, eyes bulging, sweat flowing. Caboose holds the title close to his chest and starts to spasmatically look around...

 

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: No people! You aren't seeing double vision. It's me! Jesse "The Body" Ventura!

 

I'm here with a man who could be my son. My favorite wrestling personality today, Tony "The Body"~!

 

From one "Body" to another great to finally meet you face to face.

 

Tony "The Body": Jesse, let me say it's an honor to be here in your home. You've done a helluva as Governor, and if you ever ran for President of the United States, I would vote for you.

 

Jesse: Thank you! If I ever ran for President, you better belive you got a spot on the ticket.

 

Tony: Vice President?

 

Jesse: President Ventura & Vice President "Body". I like it.

 

We would win every war without having to send troops.

 

Tony: Jesse, we'll have to send Jim Ross to Iraq, China or Iran.

 

Jesse: Of course. I never liked that guy. Is he still the same?

 

Tony: Yes. Talks about football way too much.

 

Did you know Steve Williams was an NCAA by gawd All-American, played in four bowl games, has four bowl rings?

 

Jesse: Yeah, but nobody cares.

 

(Tony & Jesse laugh at the same time)

 

Jesse: Lots of things going on with the OaOast. Injuries, people complaining about the direction of the company. What are you thoughts?

 

Tony: As you know Jesse, from your time in politics -- you can't make everybody happy. Cobain & BPP are driving the company into the ground, in my opinion.

 

Both men are looking out for themselves, and placing the company last. They've also made some questionable judgments in the past. Those guys need to put their head's back in the game and start acting like team players.

 

Jesse: Many people know you had to retire from this business in 1994 due to a back injury. How's the back feeling?

 

Tony: The back is fine, thank you very much. Its been healed for about 6 years now.

 

Jesse: Does that mean we could see you back in the ring?

 

Tony: Yes, but I'm retired. It would take a helluva lot to make me return to action.

 

Like you, Jesse -- when I got injured, I went into the broadcast booth. I've been having fun doing that and carrying Jim Ross on back back. Which isn't easy.

 

Jesse: I agree. That Okie is heavy....Neary dead-weight.

 

Well, I guess that does it. Thanks for your time.

 

Tony: No problem, Jess. I had a blast talking to the real "Body".

 

(Jesse & Tony shake hands)

 

OAOAST IC Title Match

The SuperStar (challenger) vs. Alfdogg (Champion)

Special Guest Referee: Sandman9000

 

“Superstar” hits as SuperStar makes his way out to the ring. He is visibly angry, mostly because he knows that he is not going to get a fair shake in this matchup. He is also disturbed that Sandman has abducted Alison.

 

“Kona Crush” hits as OAOAST IC champion Alfdogg comes out with fellow Deadly Alliance member, Sandman. Both men are laughing, knowing that this match is virtually impossible to lose.

 

As Sandman slides into the ring, SS immediately confronts him about Alison. Sandman instead warns SS not to pull any funny tricks, or else SS will be disqualified. Alf sneaks up from behind SS and does a schoolboy, as Sandman quickly signals for the bell to be rung, then drops down for a lightning quick two count, with barely half a second for the hand hitting the mat twice.

 

SS back up, as Alf grabs a headlock. SS pushes Alf into the ropes, as Alf rebounds and goes for a shoulderblock, but SS counters that with a drop-toe hold. SS covers, but Alf kicks out before Sandman even makes a one count.

 

SS shoots Alf into the ropes, and hits a big clothesline. Alf back up, and SS hits a standing dropkick. Alf struggles to his feet, and SS drives him to the mat with an Upper Class. SS covers, but Sandman is staring off into space and isn’t paying attention to the match. SS yells at Sandman, but Sandman just ignores him.

 

Alf finally kicks out, and SS locks on a cross-arm breaker. Sandman suddenly starts administrating a five count. SS releases the hold and asks Sandman what the hell is he doing, while Sandman warns SS about disobeying the official and being disqualified.

While SS is distracted, Alf sneaks up from behind and drops SS on his neck with a release dragon suplex. Alf covers, but SS kicks out after an incredibly fast two count from Sandman. Both Sandman and Alf looks frustrated after that one.

 

Alf brings SS to his feet, and attempts a whip into the ropes, but SS reverses the whip and drills Alf with a Throat Cancer as Alf returns! SS covers, but Sandman just flips SS off. SS immediately hops up and confronts Sandman, but Sandman starts mocking SS to his face. If either man hits each other, both are punished!

 

SS turns around and is caught by Alf with a T-bone suplex. Alf goes for a cover, but SS again kicks out after a fast two count. Alf with a standing Alfsault, and that again only gets a quick two. Both DA members are frustrated over SS’s resistance.

 

Alf misses a clothesline, and SS comes back with a DDT. SS covers, but Sandman is too busy jawing with a fan at ringside. Suddenly, Sandman exits the ring, hops over the guardrail, and goes after the fan! Security rushes to the scene, as everyone in the arena, including Alf and SS, want to know what the hell is going on. Finally, Sandman is pulled off of the fan and brought back to ringside by security. A pissed off Sandman climbs back into the ring and orders for the match to continue. Alf takes full advantage by drilling SS with an AA spinebuster! Alf covers and Sandman counts, but again, only a two count!

 

Alf exits the ring and grabs the ring bell. Alf slides back into the ring and goes for a ring bell shot, but SS ducks. SS kicks Alf in the stomach, causing Alf to drop the ring bell. SS grabs the bell and winds up, but Sandman takes the bell away from SS! As the two again jaw at each other, Alf drops SS on his neck with a high-angle backdrop! Alf quickly climbs to the top, and delivers the Five-Star Alfsplash! Alf covers, and a quick three count from Sandman finishes the job!

 

Winner- Alfdogg (still champion) in 7:43

Via-Five-Star Alfsplash

Postmatch, Sandman ducks below the ring apron and pulls out a staple gun. He gives the gun to Alf and orders that Alf staple SS. Alf looks confused, until Sandman starts screaming in his face! Alf finally puts the staple gun to SS’s forehead and pulls the trigger! SS starts thrashing around on the mat, while Alf looks guilty and Sandman talks trash to SS. Finally, “Kick Some Ass” plays and the two DA members walk up the ramp, satisfied with their job.

 

10:15PM

 

In the interview area, Caboose is standing by with Michael Cole.

 

“Caboose, in your title defense against Big Poppa Popick, you hit BPP in the head with a chair to get yourself disqualified. What was going on out there?”

 

“Listen, you miserable excuse for a man, I had no urge to fight BPP. We are both members of the most powerful group in the OAOAST, and for us to be fighting among each other in such a fashion, well, it is quite pointless. Besides, if we were to fight for real, both of us know that I would absolutely dominate him, to the point of total humiliation on his part.”

 

“What about the eight-man tag tonight? The Deadly Alliance versus the aWo. Will you and BPP be able to co-exist?”

 

“Are you slow between the ears? Of course we shall be fine. The Deadly Alliance is stronger on its worst day, then the aWo on its best day. There is nothing that can stop us…”

 

An OAOAST worker interrupts the interview and speaks frantically in Caboose’s ear.

“Must leave now…family emergency? Oh dear lord? Wait….you have a jet waiting for me at the airport? What about my…..oh, you’ve already got my bags? Is a car waiting….it is? Good. We must hurry!”

Caboose and the worker run from Cole and the interview, leaving a shocked MC and a worldwide audience behind.

 

10:35PM

Eight-Man Tag

aWo (Anglesault, Cobainwasmurdered, Some Guy, Big McLargeHuge) vs. The Deadly Alliance (Alfdogg, Big Poppa Popick, Sandman9000)

 

The aWo porno theme hits as the aWo makes their way out to ringside. Anglesault, Angle-Plex, Some Guy, and Big McLargeHuge make up what once was the most feared group in OAOAST history. However, defections and the loss of the OAOAST World Title has injured the group. A victory in this eight-man tag would be a step back in the direction of dominance.

 

“Kick Some Ass” hits as three of the Deadly Alliance members make their way out to ringside. Alfdogg, Big Poppa Popick, and Sandman9000 are out to prove that they are the dominant force in the OAOAST today. Defeating the aWo while a man down would prove their superiority.

 

All seven men are in the ring, squaring off. The crowd is expecting a massive brawl to begin, but the official is ordering men out of the ring. The match starts off with Alf going up against BML. The bell rings and the match is underway!

 

Alf and BML enter a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Both men push, with neither gaining an advantage. BML grabs a side headlock, which Alf turns into a wristlock. BML counters and hits a hip toss. Alf is immediately back up and is taken over with a headlock takedown. Alf quickly makes his way to his feet, and shoots BML into the ropes. BML comes off the ropes with a shoulderblock, the runs the ropes and Alf drops under. BML rebounds, and Alf hits a back elbow. Alf with the cover, BML kicks out at one.

 

Alf brings BML over to the DA corner, and tags in BPP. BPP grabs an armbar on BML. BML winces in pain until he is able to reverse and grab an armbar of his own. BPP sees that he is in his corner and tags in Alf again. Alf hits BML in the head, breaking the armbar.

 

Alf in, who hits BML with a pair of rights, before whipping BML into the ropes and hitting a powerslam. Alf covers, which is broken up at two by Some Guy. BPP runs in and hits SG, and now all seven men are in the ring, brawling. BML is tossed to the outside, where Alf hits a plancha onto him! Once both men are up, AS hits a plancha onto both men! Once all three men are up, BPP hits a suicide dive through the ropes, taking out all three! The crowd pops at the dive. As all four men make it to their feet, SG dives off the top rope onto the crowd of wrestlers! Again, the crowd rises to its feet. As the five men stand on the outside, Sandman runs the ropes, only to be hit by a spinning heel kick by CWM. CWM then goes for a somesault plancha out of the ring, into the group! However, CWM’s ankle smashes off the guardrail, the sound of bone meeting metal audible throughout the arena. As the six men stand, Sandman hits a massive springboard somersault plancha, taking out all six men! The crowd pops, with a “holy @#%$” chant, as all seven men are down on the outside!

 

As the combatants attempt to stand, the All American Boy makes his way to ringside with a folded up American flag. He nails BPP between the running lights with the flag, as BPP falls to the ground. The AAB then unwraps the flag, and pulls out a brick! AAB carries BPP back to the locker room, as the official finally manages to separate the wrestlers and bring them back to their respective corners. Sandman and Alf notice that they are the only wrestlers for the DA, while the aWo still has all four members.

 

Sandman and SG in the ring, SG tries to grapple while Sandman tries to brawl. Sandman wins and peppers SG with rights and lefts. Sandman whips SG into the ropes and nails him with a vicious clothesline. BML in the ring, and Sandman clotheslines him. Finding himself in the aWo corner, Sandman hits AS and CWM before SG tackles Sandman back into the corner. SG with shoulder thrusts to the stomach of Sandman, while AS and CWM get in their cheap shots. SG tags out to AS, who enters the ring and kicks Sandman in the stomach. AS pulls Sandman out of the corner, before hitting a Grain of Salt. AS pulls Sandman to his feet, and hits a second Grain of Salt. AS repeats and hits a third Grain of Salt. AS with the cover, Alf makes the save at two. AS pulls Sandman over to the aWo corner and tags in SG.

 

SG whips Sandman into the ropes and drops his head, which Sandman counters with a front kick. Sandman hops up for a hurricarana, but SG counters with a Some Bomb! SG holds the position, but Alf breaks up the count. SG tags in BML, as the two double-team Sandman by whipping him into the ropes, then hitting a double-flapjack. As Sandman bounces back up, the two hit a double clothesline, then a double suplex. With Sandman down, the two dance and strut, as the crowd cheers!

 

BML hits a legdrop, then covers for a two count. He tags in CWM, who is limping heavily on his injured ankle. CWM tries for a cradle piledriver, but is unable to put pressure on his injured ankle. CWM settles for several forearm shots to the back and tags in AS.

 

AS rushes in and hits another Grain of Salt. Mocking Sandman, AS pulls him up to his feet and takes him down with a drop-toe hold. Floating over into a camel clutch, AS holds Sandman’s face up while SG and BML hit stereo dropkicks to Sandman’s face! AS covers, but again, Alf breaks up the count.

 

A frustrated AS sets Sandman up for the AngleSlam, but Sandman slips out and hits a low blow on AS, as both men fall to the ground. Both men crawl to their corners, and tag out, Sandman to Alf, AS to SG. Both men rush into the ring and miss clotheslines, then double-clothesline each other. Both men are slow to get to their feet, but once up, Alf hits a dropkick on SG. BML in, and he is hit by an Alf dropkick. AS in, he too is dropkicked. SG back up, and Alf hits a clothesline. Clotheslines to BML and AS as well, Alf is a house of fire!

 

SG is up, as Alf pushes him into a corner and hits a chop before being blindsided by BML and AS. Alf hits AS with a right hand, but has his arms pinned by SG. BML and AS take turns hitting Alf in the stomach, before SG bulldogs him down to the mat. Alf is able to roll over to the DA corner and tag in Sandman, who has pulled a chair out from under the ring.

 

Sandman in, and he swings as AS, who retreats out of the ring. The official orders BML out of the ring as well. SG tries to leave, but gets caught in the back with the chair. Sandman throws the chair at the aWo corner, hitting CWM in the shoulder, knocking him off the apron. Alf passes a lightbulb to Sandman, who busts it over SG’s back. Alf passes in two more lightbulbs, which are also smashed over SG’s back, which is turning red. Alf passes in a snow shovel, which Sandman uses to beat SG’s back, as well as nail BML in the head when he tries to interfere. The official finally orders Sandman to avoid using weapons, which causes an upset Sandman to tag Alf back in.

 

Alf hits a dropkick to the ribs of a down SG as Sandman stands on the apron. Suddenly, Zack Malibu and SuperStar come down the aisle, with Alison and a barbed-wire table! Zack and SuperStar position the table directly behind Sandman, who doesn’t even notice what is going on, despite the pop from the crowd. Alison hits an uppercut directly to the groin of Sandman! As Sandman doubles over and nearly falls into the ring, a person, wearing a mask, jumps out of the crowd and slides into the ring. The official attempts to stop the mystery person, but gets DDT’ed for his efforts. The person gets into the face of Sandman and pulls the mask off. It’s EVENFLOWDDT!

 

Sandman looks up in shock as Evenflow has a murderous look in his eyes. Evenflow opens up on Sandman with violent right hands, while Zack holds Sandman up on the ring apron. Evenflow steps back, gets a running start, and takes Sandman off the apron with a sunset flip powerbomb, both men through the barbed wire table! Sandman and Evenflow, who foolishly wore shorts to the arena and has his legs cut by the wire, scream in pain as the IC yell at Sandman. SuperStar produces a staple gun, and passes it to Zack. Zack pulls something out of his pocket, places it against Sandman’s forehead, and staples it on! The camera zooms in on the stapled object, which is a bumper sticker that read, “The In Crowd: If You’re Not In, Your Insignificant!”

 

While this was happening, Alf saw the IC’s attack on Sandman, and tries to save him, only to be German suplexed by SG. SG is unable to hold the bridge, and tags in BML. The paramedics arrive at ringside to tend to Sandman, who looks to be unable to compete. Alf is down alone, while the aWo is complete. This eight-man tag is now a 4 on 1 handicap match!

 

BML whips Alf into the ropes, and sets him up for a back body drop, but Alf holds onto the ropes. When BML charges, Alf back body drops’ BML to the outside! Alf hits an Alfkick on AS, knocking him off the apron. SG in, and he eats a AA spinebuster! Alf is pumped, but is hit by a crossbody off the top by CWM. SG rolls out of the ring.

 

CWM, still hobbles by his ankle, tries to pull Alf up by his hair, while the official tends to BML and AS on the outside. Suddenly, Alf pulls his nunchucks out of his tights, and whacks CWM on his injured ankle! While CWM is on the ground, holding his ankle, the official turns around to see Alf on top! He makes the count, 1…2…..3!

 

Alf is ecstatic, as the crowd is stunned to see one person defeat the aWo. Alf hops onto the turnbuckles to celebrate, as a group of officials escort the aWo from ringside. More medics come down as well, to help CWM to the back. Alf grabs a mic and addresses the crowd.

"You know, the aWo makes me laugh. I'm the United States Champion, I've kicked every one of your asses at one time or another, yet you still treat me like I'm some kind of @#%$ JOKE!!! Well, who are the jokes now? Look at you.

Anglesault...you know now after the final HeldDOWN that I could have won the World title from you anytime I wanted. But you were scared to give me a shot. Until IZ weeks ago, when BPP had to FORCE you to. You escaped that match, but not with your consciousness, IIRC. But now, there is a new champion. A FIGHTING CHAMPION. And his name is Caboose. From the Deadly Alliance. And the Deadly Alliance only carries fighting champions.

CWM...remember AngleSlam? That's right, you've felt the wrath of Alfdogg, too. I was well on my way to beating you. Caboose just had this master plan of his. I didn't know about it at the time, but they approached me after the show. Now normally, I don't trust other people with my career. But I found out that they helped make me a champion as part of their plan, so I figure "Hey, this guy's not bad." So I become a member of the Deadly Alliance, and that belt you once had is still in my possession.

Some Guy...technically, you are 2-0 against Alfdogg. You have had the bookers on your side all the way, there's no question about that. That's definitely not a bad thing. The bad thing for you was that I kicked your ass in both of those matches, and left you laying like no one else has. Now, fight me today...forget it.

BML...I have no experience with you. But from seeing some of your stuff man, you are WAY out of Alfdogg's league. That's all I have to say to you.

I will no longer be taken as a joke. And you will all remember this:

NOBODY beats Alfdogg:

NOBODY.

 

 

SPECIAL THANKS TO SANDMAN, GREENMIST, SUPERSTAR, ALFDOGG, CABOOSE, CWM, TONY for sending BPP stuff.

 

End of show.