Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 7, 2002 A Sermon on the Formation of NO MA'AM The Formation NO MAAM was formed by Al Bundy in 1994 in retaliation to Jerry Springer changing the MAN's bowling night to an all womens night. Al got together a group of men and created NO MAAM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood) The Great Al Bundy climbed the mountain in search of the great Ironhead Hanes... a mythical figure who wore spurs to school. No shoes. Just SPURS. And when the Holy One finally ascended the mountain and came face to face with Ironhead he gave Al the following Commandments of NO MA'AM that we live by. Those Commandments where: 1. It is OK to call hooters 'knockers' and sometimes snack trays 2. It is wrong to be French 3. It is OK to put all bad people in a giant meat grinder 4. Lawyers, see rule three 5. It is OK to drive a gas guzzler if it helps you get babes 6. Everyone should car pool except me 7. Bring back the word stewardess 8. Synchronized swimming is not a sport 9. Mud wrestling is a sport 10. Ok, so there are 9 commandments We the humble followers on Al Bundy only hope to carry on the tradition and spread the word of NO MA'AM to all men that are being oppressed by the females. To liberate this country from Tampax commercials and mothers and daughters walking down the beach discussing "freshness". These my followers are the goals we hope to achieve. Now bask in the picture of our Savior holding the Holy Commandments: Now let us say the Bundy prayer: Lord, give onto thee the power to resist the temptation to run out on our wives/girlfriends/fiancee's when they go on and on and on about sitting on their ass watching Oprah. Give us the power to instead drink our beer and nod at the appropriate moments as to not incur their wrath. And Lord... keep our subscriptions to the porn that we get on the internet plentiful and free. And let the beer run free and a light golden brown. Amen. This Sermon by the Reverend Rant is brought to you by the Church of NO MA'AM and PBS. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Psycho Diablo Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Testify, Reverend~! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kingpk Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Oh, PRAISE BE BUNDY!! Can I get an Amen? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 7, 2002 AMEN~! And to those who haven't joined the Church... won't you come and live by the teachings of Bundy? Come and join us in our Holy quest. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest AlwaysPissedOff Report post Posted September 7, 2002 :::: gets the spirit ::::: AMEN, REVEREND!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Yes Brother! Spread the word of NO MA'AM! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest midnight_burn Report post Posted September 7, 2002 AMEN~! Everyone should live by those commandments. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Do you wish to join as Father Burn? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DeputyHawk Report post Posted September 7, 2002 my name is deputyhawk and i have sinned. i have spent much of the last year living under the thumb of my half-french girlfriend ... (deep breath) ... living under the thumb of my half-french girlfriend who lives in paris, france. most of the time she isn't there, for her stewardess work takes her far and wide, but when she is ... oh boy do i get it. "get the fungus out of those milk bottles!", "get your hand out of your pants!", "go fetch some brie & butter baguettes for mon petit dejeuner!", "flush the toilet!". i tolerate it, i tolearte it all; she has great knockers and the french have free porn & clear plastic cartons of cheap liquor. and yet IT IS WRONG TO BE FRENCH! this is my spiritual quandry and the crossroads of my life. i call on you, reverend rant in my hour of need, to answer the question that the clash so urgently demands of me - should i stay or should i go? what is the church of no ma'am's bidding? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 7, 2002 My Brother Minister Mackenzie, Thou are truly in a quandry. You have tolerated much in your relationship and it is good for the porn and liquor has kept thou sane in the mouth of madness. I see also she has very nice "snack trays" and I assume she lets you partake in the feasts from said trays? I say you have her renounce her Frenchyness and reclaim what is yours (I'm not talking about what's in your pants)! And that is your freedom! Tell her to take heed of your oath to the Church of NO MA'AM and that the only reason you are there is that she is only half-French which is only being tolerated because of the huge supplies of porn and alchohol and she shall live up to her duties as the woman of the house with cleaning, cooking and servicing you. If thou can consume enough quantities of liquor and porn to put up with her blasphmey while still getting some on the side while she does what I have set forth then do so. But beware Brother for in the Current Events folder I have posted what could possibly be the end to the porn! And who is to blame you ask?!?! THE WOMEN!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DeputyHawk Report post Posted September 7, 2002 But beware Brother for in the Current Events folder I have posted what could possibly be the end to the porn! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my beloved pornography I see also she has very nice "snack trays" and I assume she lets you partake in the feasts from said trays? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she has very sensitive nipples that's it, it's over, there's nothing left for me here. i'm ..... going to go for a walk around the block, and i'm going to moodily smoke a cigarette while i'm doing so. that should knock her into line i feel. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Then thou shalt read the Commandments to her and let her know how she has failed you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest TheArchiteck Report post Posted September 7, 2002 I think everyone should follow #6. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WukenBloodstar Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Testify! For I have seen the light my brother! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DeputyHawk Report post Posted September 7, 2002 Then thou shalt read the Commandments to her and let her know how she has failed you. hell yes i read her the commandments, and she is cowering from my masculine authority right this second as she watches TV and i clean the kitchen. if you anticipate failure, buh-lieve me you gonna fail. testify! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Kingpk Report post Posted September 8, 2002 Oh, the holiest of holy days is just hours away. All members of NO MA'AM are, by the Good Big 'Uns to sit on the couch all day and watch the Holy Game, ignoring any words from girlfriends/wives/parents/etc. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 8, 2002 Yes and make sure to have massive quantities of beer and WEENIE TOTS!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Zero_Cool Report post Posted September 8, 2002 Amen. And let us gawk at the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders and their pristine snack trays. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest xerogame Report post Posted September 8, 2002 i have seen the light...i have been swayed in my ways and lied to by women, but no more!!! And i live by pittsburgh, so no dallas for me...and my game is on monday...but me and my father shall still partake in the holy specticale. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MrRant Report post Posted September 8, 2002 Then come and join. We shall call you Brother Xerogame. Just add the banner and change your title. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
