Another Sermon by The Reverend Rant

[Guest MrRant]

Brothers and Sisters!

 

Today is the Holy Day of Football. Today we shall gaze lovingly at the cheerleaders snack trays while directing the cameraman to the correct angles to film this truly wonderful exhibition of hooters.

 

Yes we shall consume in great quantities Weenie Tots and cool beer in the name of our savior Al Bundy. Of course we cannot mention Al Bundy and beer without telling a story of His triumph.

 

Yes... not long ago a heathen by the name of Marcy Darcy tried to get the beautiful women who posed for beer ads taken away because of her belief in the bastard religion called "feminism". Yes, twas a dark day in the life of NO MA'AM and men around the world until He arose to the challenge.

 

In a mighty battle Al and his NO MA'AM brethren defeated Marcy and her fellow chickens. That is why today we have supermodels telling us how cool we will be if we drink beer instead of some cud chewing, flannel wearing, truck driving hoss of a woman.

 

So when you are downing that most glorious of drinks remember this saying from Him:

 

" Pretty women make us BUY beer.... Ugly women make us DRINK beer."

 

And know I end this Sermon with a Hymn:

 

at the nudie bar

where you can look at a thigh

and blacken an eye

at the nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

where they show you their BUTT

and their trap stays shut

at the nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

where you can't touch a breast

but you can cave in a chest,

at the nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

where the girlies dance

in their underpants

at the nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

Where the music stinks,

and they water the drinks.

The nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

Where the beer gives you gas

But the Bundy's KICK ASS.

the nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

Where Christmas is nice

And lap dances are half price

at the nudie bar

at the nudie bar

Where you drink down the shooters

and unwrap the hooters

at the nudie bar

 

at the nudie bar

Where egg nog's a plenty

and the girls are all 20

at the Nudie bar

 

Amen.

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

... Will you take me to a nudie bar now, Reverend?

[Guest MrRant]

If thou wishes.

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

Well then, will you get me a fake ID and sneak me into a nudie bar?

 

The rabbi is sadly underage.

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

Fake ID's: $10

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

Would you lend me ten American dollars, Apostle?

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

..the Apostle, good person though he is, gives away nothing. However, he will forgive you if you rob a bank, and donate 40% to the church.

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

It is done.

 

What Utah church has the most money?...

[Guest MrRant]

*coughRobKarlMalonecough*

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

 

I think I'm ready to do my master's work. In the name of Bundy, I shall return here with $60 !!!

[Guest Cancer Marney]

... Will you take me to a nudie bar now, Reverend?

<blinks>

[Guest MrRant]

Have you foresaken NO MA'AM Marney? Do you not want to follow the glorious path any more?

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Al forbid, Reverend. The girl came back last night and she was reading a couple of CE posts; I temporarily changed the avatar to show it to her.

 

My wimple's on again now.

[Guest MrRant]

Ah.. good The Mother Superior has rejoined the flock.

[Guest MrRant]

Now we must find a way to get Rabbi TRITEC to join us in the Reverend's Chambers.

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

I'm on to you, man! I know what's going on!

 

(*runs off to.. find X-Pac or something.*)

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Yes, a correction and a... penance is in order.

[Guest MrRant]

Yes.. but what type?

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

Y'know, the leadership in this church is really corrupt.

 

-The Apostle Diablo: Saintly Member of the Church of No Ma'am

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

Apostle, will you save me from their conspiracies?

 

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

The State is well-run and has NO corruption whatsoever, you know...

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

"State", eh?...

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

(is a member of the State, too)

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Yeah, and our members won't be trying to take advantage of you all the time.

 

Just one rule for females. You are NOT allowed to look better than the First Lady.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest TheRockIsTheEuropeanChampion]

Score! I'm IN!

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Yes.. but what type?

You might wish to impose some corporal punishment, Reverend, while I instruct her in the more technical aspects of fine dining. Shall I have a paddle and a bottle of champagne from the vaults sent to your study?

[Guest MrRant]

Y'know, the leadership in this church is really corrupt.

 

-The Apostle Diablo: Saintly Member of the Church of No Ma'am

Corrupt? Good humored would be more appropiate.

[Guest El Psycho Diablo]

I didn't say corrupt was a -bad- thing, Reverend.

[Guest WukenBloodstar]

You'll go to the nudie bars, we'll beat No Ma'am into the normals head's, who is with us?

[Guest Cancer Marney]

<looks up from a mass of about half a dozen nude sisters wearing wimples, high heels, and stockings, and nothing else, every mouth, every tongue caressing some part of her body> It's... mmm... definitely not a bad thing.

 

oooh. You'll get a commendation for that, my daughter. Continue in your... oh, yes... most holy duties.