My return to this forum...

[Guest Brooding Genius]

Hey all.

 

Sorry I kind of skedaddled from the Libertarian Party debate that's a little further down on the board.  Frankly, it was going to get ugly if I had to keep bitching about the FDA (I have a personal axe to grind with them), and the fact that my cable modem had been on the fritz all week.

 

I read it, and it got interesting.  Nice job.  

 

Anyhow, here's a pretty good contribution from a legend.

 

A Note from George Carlin

 

I am your worst nightmare.  I am a bad American.  I am George Carlin.  I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks.

 

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel government functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

 

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.

 

I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.

 

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child; it takes two parents.

 

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

 

I want to know, which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches?  And where does he get his money?  And why is he always part of the problem and not of the solution?

 

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you.  This even applies when you are the President of the United States.

 

I believe that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster.  In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't even begun to be enlightened.

 

I believe that everyone has the right to pray to his or her God or gods; just leave the rest of us out of it.  This also applies to sexuality.

 

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

 

I don't use the excuse "It's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

 

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

 

My heroes are John Wayne, The Simpsons, and whoever cancelled "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman."

 

I don't hate the rich.  I don't pity the poor.

 

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

 

I think global warming is a big lie.  Where are all those experts when I'm freezing my ass through a long winter?

 

I've never owned a slave.  I've never been a slave.  I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt.  I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks, and neither have you, so shut up already.

 

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.  I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

 

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.

 

I think if you're in the passing lane and not passing, your license should be revoked and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

 

I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.

 

I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement.

 

I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.

 

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

 

If that makes me a bad American, then I'm a bad American.

[Guest Juvydriver]

I love George Carlin.  That's really all I have.

 

Oh, and welcome back.

 

Juvy

[Guest hardyz1]

God bless George Carlin!

[Guest Big McLargeHuge]

Carlin is my hero.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Couldn't of said it better myself! Nice work George!

[Guest Crazy Dan]

I love George Carlin, too.  He has to be one of my favorite stand-up comedians.  I like how he skews both sides of the political equation.  This makes for comedy to tha max.

[Guest imajackoff?]

I saw Carlin last year at the MGM Grand in Vegas. The man still rules.

[Guest One Bad Apple]

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

 

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you.  This even applies when you are the President of the United States.

 

I doubt most people would say that makes you a bad American.

 

Oh, and while we're offering up our opinions of George Carlin ... I think he's an unfunny asshole.

 

But that might just be me.

[Guest Some Guy]

Bad Apple the whole thing is a satire on political correctness.  He is being his regular sarcastic and cynical self.  I think he is pretty damn funny, but lately he seems to have substituted curses for content.

[Guest Tiger Suplex 85]

Sorry dudes, Carlin didn't write that.

[Guest arejay]

Good call Tiger. I was going to say the same thing. Carlin is responsible for some memorable quotes, but those are among them.

[Guest hardyz1]

Sorry dudes, Carlin didn't write that.

 

Well color me retarded.

 

God Bless Snopes!

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

"I don't hate the rich."

 

Somehow I doubt Carling would ever say such a thing.

 

BTW: During one of his unfunny HBO specials some years back, I recall that every shot showing the audience had them all sitting on their hands (figuratively speaking), yet boisterous laughter could be heard. Go figure.