Jim Ross is a closet homosexual.

[Guest BradshawDaHoss]

http://411wrestling.com/cgi-bin....=009545

 

now b4 you read this let me say that Im probly the biggest JR fan in da world and that i have nothting againist gays. its just that this thing is da funnyest thing ive ever read!  Read on!!

 

If he's not... why does he call wrestlers studs?

"My goodness, Rhyno is such a stud! Why won't he accept my advances and gore my ass!"

 

"This is quite a contest between two young studs! My, this reminds me of a gladiator movie. Do you like to watch Gladiator movies Paul?"

 

"Tazz is such a stud. I would bone that orange midget in a heartbeat!"

 

"Paul - have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

 

"I know it looks like my Palsy's acting up tonight, but it's not. Pat accidentally landed one in my eye before the broadcast."

 

J.R. recieves slobberknockers from Patterson under the desk....

 

This is all unfounded. It just really gives me the creeps that he calls other men "studs".

 

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Ross can't be gay... he can't keep crap like that this big a secret!

How great would it be to have Bradshaw file a sexual harrasment suit against that fat tub of goo?

 

"My gawd! Out of court! Out of court! J.R. needs a settlement!"

 

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No he doesn't listen to NSync - he likes musicals (especially Oklahoma) and The Village People...

heh- JR's an Oklahomo.

 

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JR: "That Taker is such a hoss! Why doesn't he drop that cro magnon wife and do me good?? My ass is fertile and untouched! Don't spurn my love Taker! Come and do me stud!"

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I heard before Raven was hired he had to have a special "hardcore" match with JR. JR experienced a little of Raven's hardcore lovin' while getting repeatedly banged over the head with a cookie sheet.

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"Look at that spectacular ropewalk.... MY GOD UNDERTAKER IS SUCH A HOSS! I have a tremendous erection right now!"

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If you've been watching RAW. You'll see that JR got out of the booth and whispered sweet nothings in Edge's ear. Edge then as he should have began running from the scene like a bat out of hell.

JR needs to reign in those sexual urges. They are getting out of control.

 

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Lets not forget the "special" relationship JR had with Austin before.

And on another note, why do you think alot of the newer guys have long hair. It's because JR needs something to hold on to while he's "interviewing" the new job applicants.

 

I can just picture JR sitting in his seady little love nest with his hat on his lap watching old tapes of Bronco busters and Stinkfaces and HBK jumping around the ring in spandex shorts.

 

Do you want to know why X-Pac is still with the WWF, it's becuase JR has experienced the nude bronco buster.

 

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JR: Boner! Boner!! Boner!

 

Gotcha. Oklahoma . . . stud as in bulls.

I wonder if JR has to special order his leather masks with the zipper on the mouth? Does Resistol even make leather masks with the zipper on the mouth? He's got a pretty big head.

 

"Dammit!! Dammit!! My head won't fit in the damn mask!! I already wasted $180 on crotchless leather pants with a 46 waist!! Dammit!!"

 

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If JR ever runs out of lube, he can always use his BBQ sauce.

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I don't respond often, but this thread is fuckin hilarious.

You think right before JR nuts in some poor jobbers face he screams

 

"I'm busted wide open!!!"

 

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Um - sure thing Raven guy.

Essa - ha!

 

"You want a push? I'll give you a push! UGH!"

 

JR busting one in someone's eye is quite sickening to visualize.

 

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JR: "Oh RVD - you think you deserve a push, huh Paul?"

 

RVD: "Yeah... because I'm : Pointing to self:: Rob... Van... Dam!"

 

JR: "Well that's interesting you stud you. You're in my world now you long-haired hippie stud hoss. So get on your knees and : Pointing to self:: Suck... My... Cock!"

 

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JR: "Well good afternoon Tajiri-san-stud."

 

Tajiri: (speaking Japanese)

 

JR: "I don't understand a damn thing you're saying, but I do know that you'll be spitting white mist in a few minutes you sexy bitch!... Paul?"

 

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JR: Bradshaw you are such a sexy hoss.

 

::Bradshaw then beats the ever-loving piss out of JR... because Bradshaw doesn't take that fagola shit from anyone.::

 

Bradshaw: The Oklahoma Sooners suck, you fat prick!

 

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I think they should have a gay Laurel and Hardy segment on Raw. They go to the back and little Crash Holly is running past the camera with a waddling JR (bent over and breathing heavy) in hot pursuit.

"Dammit, Paul! Sometimes the sweetest young stud is the hardest to corral!"

 

JR lathers up his hands with BBQ sauce, smacks them together and licks them with a devilishly homoerotic look in his eye, wipes brow, continues waddling run past the camera.

 

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... ( JR sitting lonely outside the Men's locker room )

 

JR. "... I'm on the ouuuutside.. I'm looking in.. I can see the stuuuds - see these big hosses.... Inside they don't have palsy... palsy like me. I can see these studs.. see their big units!"

 

( JR sheds a tear... )

 

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JR: That Chyna's a HOSS! He can fuck me in the ass any day of the week!

 

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When Austin turned heel a few months ago and kicked the shit out of JR, he took his belt off and I thought he was going to stuff him right then and there.

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JR: "My goodness, Paul, can you feel the power?! PLEASE, I just want to WATCH! I NEED NOT PARTICIPATE! Hold on there, Billy Gunn, you sorry son of a bitch! I'm going to cum too soon! Watch the hat! WATCH THE HAT!!"

 

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JR: "Oh Bradshaw is such a stud!! He just knocked my little jizz recepticale Hurricane RIGHT OUT OF HIS BOOTS!! DEAR LORD!! BUCK FUTTER!!! OH MY GOD! OH MY LORD! OH MY DEAR LORD,AND GOD! OH I HAVE QUITE THE STAIN ON MY PANTS!! I think we should snowball later. Goddamn, Texan wrestlers with good financial skills really get me going. Paul...have you ever seen a trouser snake?"

 

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JR: "MY GAWD!! BRADSHAW, YOU ARE AN ANIMAL, PAUL! ORGASM! ORGASM! ORGASM!"

Bradshaw: "Shut . . . ungh! . . . your damn slack-jawwed mouth . . . must . . . finish . . . "

 

JR: "This has been one hell of a night, Paul. A real slobber-knocker! You've proven to be one hell of a stud . . . "

 

Bradshaw: "Unnngh!! Unghhhh!"

 

JR: "New bedsheets!! Towell!! Towell!! Towell!"

 

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JR: "MY GAWD!! BRADSHAW, YOU ARE AN ANIMAL, PAUL! ORGASM! ORGASM! ORGASM!"

Bradshaw: "Shut . . . ungh! . . . your damn slack-jawwed mouth . . . must . . . finish . . . "

 

JR: "This has been one hell of a night, Paul. A real slobber-knocker! You've proven to be one hell of a stud . . . "

 

Bradshaw: "Unnngh!! Unghhhh!"

 

JR: "New bedsheets!! Towell!! Towell!! Towell!"

 

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JR: Doink... do you like that - huh Paul?

 

Doink: *honks clown nose repeatedly*

 

JR: Oh, Dink... toss my salad while I do big Doink! Who's my bitch Doink?

 

Doink: *honks clown nose some more*

 

JR: That's what I thought Paul!!

 

Doink: But my name's Matt Bourne.

 

JR: Shut up and take it all Paul!!

 

Doink: *sighs and honks clown nose again*

 

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Rock: Now JR, the Rock knows everyone loves the People's Streudel. The Rock knows! how much Jim Ross loves cock. But what the Rock doesn't understand is why you feel the need to rim job his candy ass!

 

JR: Damn it, can't you just shut up so I can finish, Paul!

 

Rock: But my name isn't...

 

JR: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! Now clean the barbeque off your ass, and send in Essa Rios. If a good plunging won't teach that Hoss english nothing will!

 

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::Hurricane does lots of 'heroic' posing, and does that spin thing, before bending over. JR greases Hurricane's ass with his special BBQ sauce and makes an entry::

 

J.R.: Uh... your Hurri-ass is so Hurri-tight. I'm going to blow my Oklahomo-load!

 

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFSSHHHFFFFFFT!

 

::JR's shoots crap all over the wall as he pulls out and Hurricane does another super-heroic pose on his knees.. JR redefines Pearl Jam all over Hurricane's face.::

 

JR: Awwwwwwwwwwww, you stud you! You Hurri-Hoss. Aww...Paul..mmm. Oh HELL WHAT SMELL IS EMINATING FROM BEHIND MY ASS? You made me crap all over Vince's office. I swear to God you'll be jobbed out for months, and not show up on RAW for a couple weeks. You bitch!

 

::JR smacks Hurricane across the face, forgetting he'd spunked on it::

 

JR: Aww goddamnit that's sick, Paul.

 

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::JR has called a late night meeting of some WWF Superstars. Sitting with him at Titan Towers are the APA, Steve Austin, Hurricane Helms, and Pat Patterson.

 

JR: Well I wanted to call you all here for some important business. I apologize for having to take the back door in... HAW HAW HAW!! Oh excuse me... I apologize that the main lobby was closed but we have Dean Malenko down there cleaning up.

 

I have heard some, unsavory things have been happening around the backstage area. And I wanted to basically, ASSess the situation and get to the BOTTOM of it. Bradshaw, I'd like to speak with you initially. Now I know you are a straight-up studly hoss... but I have heard some accusations.

 

Bradshaw: What kind of accusations Tons-Of-Fun?

 

JR: Well simply put, I have heard accusations of you and Farooq hazing some of the newer superstars like Hurricane here by hogtieing them, dousing them in baby oil, and threatening them with sodomy.

 

Bradshaw: Well what the hell's wrong with a little sodomy.

 

JR: Yes indeed... haw haw.

 

Austin: What?

 

JR: I agreed after Bradshaw said what's wrong with a little SODOMY?

 

Austin: Oh sorry, I had my headphones on.

 

JR: No problem Rattlesnake, who is my best friend again. I totally forgive you for kicking my ass and potatoing me in front of my family. I actually couldn't feel the punches with your right hand because THE PALSY is so bad there.

 

Hurricane: Citizen Ross!!! I must say it was I who was not only threatened with Hurri-Rape... but was held down by Farooq while Bradshaw proceeded to fuck me in the mouth!!

 

Farooq: Where do you think Jackie came up with "Always Pounding Ass?" We always be fuckin' someone in the mouth or the ass. Hell, it's our new marketing strategy... check out this shirt..

 

 

 

::Hurricane begins to weep.::

 

Austin: I will say this!! You sons-of-bitches have pissed off the Rattlesnake!! WHAT? I said you have pissed off the Rattlesnake and goddamnit, there will be hell to pay. From this day foward in the WWF, Stone Cold will personally see to it that no men like Hurricane here are hogtied..

 

JR and The APA: What?

 

Austin: Doused in baby oil...

 

JR and The APA: What?

 

Austin: Threatened with sodomy...

 

JR and The APA: What?

 

Austin: Or held down by Farooq while Bradshaw fucks them in the MOUTH!

 

JR and The APA: What?

 

Austin: Do I make myself clear.

 

JR and The APA: What?

 

Austin: That has pissed me off!!

 

Austin then jumps across the table and slugs JR in the Palsy side of his face. Farooq runs up behind him but Austin nails a mule kick to his balls. Bradshaw gets ready to run over and jumps up on the large oak table, but Hurricane nails a low blow and the Eye Of The Hurricane on the table!::

 

Hurricane: STAND BACK!!! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!!!

 

::Austin ducks as Hurricane nails a big-ass crossbody off the table onto JR and Bradshaw. Austin kicks JR in the gut and stuns him as Hurricane manages to lock Bradshaw into The Vertibreaker!!!::

 

Austin: You know kid, you're not all that bad.

 

Hurricane: ::does heroic pose:: Neither are you Citizen Austin!!

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Hilarious . . . You know the WWF is like one big prison movie. And who here doesn't think that Bradshaw wouldn't walk around the rec yard with Hurricane Helms right behind him with a hand in his back pocket? JR would be the dirty old man that's been in prison the longest. He trains pigeons and pays Farooq cigarettes to hold down young hoss studs while "Good Ol' JR" takes care of business. Then he tells Dusty Rhodes about it and Dusty just whoops it up yelling, "You took heeem to da pay winduh!!"

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Actual commentary I heard from JR during a Bradshaw match.

JR: Bradshaw is a BONEfied stud there, King. He'll take ya to the woodshed!! ...and rape you without a second thought.

 

King: ...

 

JR: CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!! My GOD!! I creamed my jeans!! His hands are so, strong and powerful, yet gentle and feminine. I could just *whack whack whack* stare at those hands for days on end.

 

Bradshaw just squashed The Hurricane King!! That fresh meat will be Hurri-squealing like a Hurri-pig back in the locker room, that's for sure.

 

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Steve Austin: JR... it's not nice to rub yourself when you're talkin' to ol' Stone Cold. I thought we put that past behind us.

 

JR looks down at Stone Cold's Valentine's Day gift only to realize his Texas Rattlesnake is poking through a hole in the box. A slow smile creeps up on the non-paralysed side of his face.

 

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JR: that Billy and Chuck really get my longhorn in an uproar!

 

Farooq: DAMN!

 

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"Aah tell ya King, these new boys are good, but to really toss ma salad, you need some experienced hosses. Hello Hogan, its been a while"

 

"Whatcha gonna do, brutha when your faced with the 24 inch purple python?"

 

"Hogan, I see you've taken your vitamins, and did your training. Now say your prayers...."

 

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JR is commentating on the Austin/Jericho match at No Way Out.

JR: Oh my God King. Jericho has that big hoss Austin in the walls of Jericho. It looks like a position I use sometimes. Wait a sec. Austin reverses and STUNNER!!! LAST NIGHT WAS A STUNNER!!! JERICHO'S DOWN!!!

 

KING: BUT WAIT, IT'S THE NWO.

 

The NWO proceed to completely obliterate Austin. Jericho gets the pin and wins.

 

King: I can't beleive it JR even though Vince McMahon hasn't stopped telling us they'd be here. JR? JR?

 

JR: I...I have to go King. See ya tmrw.

 

Jr gets up and walks backstage. He walks down the corridor and into Hogan's locker room.

 

JR: Hello Hogan. It's been a long time.

 

Hogan: JR! It's...good to see ya.

 

JR: Why'd you come back. Everything was going great.

 

Hogan: I missed it JR!!! I missed it bad!!! I miss your special sauce!!!

 

JR: I miss you too!!! I loved it when you and your 24 inch python performed Hulkamania on my ass.

 

Hogan: I love ya JR!!!

 

JR: I love you too.

 

The two proceed to kiss over and over again. Hogan is feeling JR's ass cheeks.

 

Hogan: Guys!!! It's alright!!! COme in here.

 

Hall and Nash run in and JR does a small strip show for them. He then takes out a bottle of JR's BBQ sauce.

 

JR: Come on Hogan you big hoss. Lubricate me so these two studs can do me in my resisrol black and blue ass!!! DO IT NOW BEFORE FAROOQ HOLDS YOU DOWN AND BRADSHAW FUCKS YA IN THE MOUTH!!!

 

Hall: HEH HEH!!! Too late!!!

 

Hogan has finished lubricating JR.

 

Hogan: You wanna go first Nash?

 

Nash: Yeh sure.

 

JR: My you ARE a big hoss aren't you. Come on, show us your pole.

 

Nash drops his trousers. They all laugh.

 

JR: HAW HAW!!! For a big guy like you that's pathetic. I'll tell ya what just use your fists.  

 

(To be Continued)

 

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Bradshaw walks into his locker room. JR is sitting there dressed like a barmaid.}

JR: Come on ya big hoss! You know the only reason you won last night was so that I could share some o' my special sauce wit you.

 

{The scene becomes even more complicated as Faarooq opens the door}

 

Faarooq: DAAAAMMMMN

 

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[Guest BradshawDaHoss]

can any1 think of new ones to make?

[Guest El Luchadore Magnifico]

That's, um, not very funny. And kinda stupid too.

 

Are you the same Bradshaw that was terrorizing the Nintendorks board? Seems like it.

[Guest BradshawTheHoss]

terrerising? i wuz just trying to have a little fun wit u guys but then u guys toke it personaly and insalted my family. im never going near ther again. >:

[Guest e]

post in english next time.

 

that might improve the reactions to your post.

[Guest dreamer420]

Sorry dude.  That SHIT just isn't funny.

[Guest BradshawDaHoss]

JR: "Oh RVD - you think you deserve a push, huh Paul?"

 

RVD: "Yeah... because I'm : Pointing to self:: Rob... Van... Dam!"

 

JR: "Well that's interesting you stud you. You're in my world now you long-haired hippie stud hoss. So get on your knees and : Pointing to self:: Suck... My... Cock!"

 

this isnt funny!?!?!?

[Guest Risk]

I think that post made me homophobic...

[Guest cobainwasmurdered]

oh yay bradshawdahoss is back, how long till xkiller shows up again?

[Guest BradshawTheHoss]

You think right before JR nuts in some poor jobbers face he screams

 

"I'm busted wide open!!!"

 

hahahahahaha!

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

That's just not funny, I'm sorry.

[Guest EssenDoubleOP]

What's with depicting Bradshaw like that?  Was there an 'incident' or something?

[Guest Lil Naitch]

BradshawtheHoss is back?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

1. You're not funny

2. You don't write intelligently.

2. Nobody likes you.

Go away, damnit!

[Guest InigoMontoya]

Somebody please delete this post and boot Bradshaw. His stupidity wasn't even amusing, just pathetic, and a disgrace to the smark community.

Bradshaw, you are banished!