Promo: Out: Europe. In: Sharpeurope.

[Rob E Dangerously 0]

"This is not what you are used to"

 

That is the voiceover as we fade to the scene of the Liberty Bell as we see Leon Sharpe by it. Sharpe is in a jacket and pants and he notices the camera quickly.

 

Leon Sharpe: "Yo… I know I just won.. but.. lay off me man!"

 

We fade out, we come back and see Sharpe inside the Philadelphia Art Museum.

 

LS: "Now.. it may be disappointing to see that they put the Stallone statue in the basement of this place. But, it happens, a sensation from 1976 is shelved. In fact, they are gonna put a statue of Leon Sharpe up to replace Rocky. Yo fans, Let me remind you all to buy my t-shirt. You see, when you do that, you can help me buy my own plane so I can fly by myself, and so I wouldn’t be discouraged from going to the bathroom at the landing, shaving in a bathroom, or anything else, which is the norm on the usual airlines. Let me tell you fans this… I will not shave off my bodyhair in a plane, I just won’t do it at all. It feels weird. I don’t want to be in a match and have my opponent tell me I have smooth legs."

 

Sharpe nods

 

LS: "Anyways, I am the #1 contender for the SJL European title. I thought about this.. and I realized that if I don’t do anything, I might be the champion of a continent that sucks."

 

Sharpe pauses.

 

LS: "Lets face it.. Europe is a wussy continent. Full of all sorts of little countries. Not to mention the ones that don’t bathe regularly and the ones that annoy America."

 

Sharpe pauses a bit and nods.

 

LS: "So, as a preemptive retaliation against being the champion of a lousy continent. I.. Leon Sharpe.. will verbally assault every European country so I can toughen them up for my reign on the top of their lousy continent."

 

Sharpe pulls out a map and glances at it.

 

LS: "Let’s start from the northwest.. First Country is France. Hey France, you’ve been annoying America for way too long. Remember this France, if we didn’t take the inititive, you’d be speaking German now. In fact, I am willing to do a huge favor to toughen up the French. I should land at Normandy and invade France by myself. I figure it’d take a good three weeks before I’d make all of France surrender to me. Come on France.. get some better food. Stop being so snobby. When I get there and I ask you ‘What do you think of Leon Sharpe as your champ?’, you better reply with "I like it!". France, you have potential, you did fight off that invasion by the Salvation Army awhile back. If you screw up any more France, I’m gonna have to get the European Union to saw your country off Europe and let it float out to sea.."

 

Sharpe smiles

 

LS: "On to Belgium. I recall Belgium invented french fries and waffles. I might be wrong. But Belgium, pick Flemish or Dutch, you can’t just have both. When I go there and ask ‘What do you think of Leon Sharpe as your champ?’, if you answer with "I’ll throw this waffle at you", then I’m gonna whup half your country and scare the other half. Shape up Belgium, with work, you could take over France.’

 

Sharpe gives a thumbs up

 

LS: "Next… Holland. Holland, you may have the smells of marijuana and legalized prostitution. Making you one of the better countries in Europe. But, when I ask you all ‘What do you think of Leon Sharpe as your champ?’, don’t answer "I’ll jam this wooden shoe up your nose!" or else I’m gonna have to find all the dikes of Holland, get rid of them and flood half your country. Trust me Holland, I did my research. You can do a lot better in my POV."

 

Sharpe nods

 

LS: "Switzerland.. Stop being so friggin neutral. It was cute in the 1700s, but it’s just wussy now. If I ask you ‘What do you think of Leon Sharpe as your champ?’ and you say "I’m neutral" then I will have to neutrally use the cork on my Swiss Army Knife to uncork a beating on you. Switzerland, you made steps when you let women vote 20 years ago, but you gotta step some more, or else I’ll hike up to Geneva and get rid of that lake with the bodies of the Swiss who refuse to make their continent better for my reign.’

 

Sharpe pauses and thinks

 

LS: "Heck, I could go though all those other little rinky dink countries and say the same. Like Greece, Hungary, Turkey. The simple fact remains that I want Europe to not embarrass me during my European title reign. "

 

Sharpe pauses and smirks

 

LS: "Which brings me to the roadblock. Matt Myers. Matthew, you will be removed from my path. You see, I have gotten onto my groove and I am better than ever when it comes to my performance in SJL.

 

Sharpe nods

 

LS: "Soon, people will know that you can’t spell Leon Sharpe without SJL. This is part of my scheme to establish a fund for myself after I retire. It all works in the plan.. I sell t-shirts, I get the profits. I wrestle big matches, I get paid for winning them. I hold the European title, I get paid more. Heck, I bet I’d get paid to not trash the belt at a hotel during my reign. It’s great and it is going to plan. Sure, like all capitalist ventures, some innocent people like Jackoff the Ripper will have their presence in the ring with me be short, and some people like Tim Dillon will be beaten like a red-headed step-child because they weren’t needed, but in the end, we all win! I get money, you get t-shirts. It’s win-win, isn’t it?"

 

Sharpe chuckles and nods

 

LS: "Some of you may not think of me as a nice guy, but lets face the facts here. I can’t be nice to everybody. If I was, I’d be a flake. I have to show tough love to Tim. I have to beat the crap out of Blank until he gets sad and wants to fly back to Monster Island. I have to kick Jack the Ripper’s teeth down his throat. I have to find Cutthroat one day and throw him into a vending machine. Why do I beat people up? So I can win, Winning sells t-shirts. You don’t see Barry Horowitz selling t-shirts, do you? My point exactly."

 

Sharpe pauses and drinks down a Coke. SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING~!

 

LS: "I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about selling stuff and my opponent. My opponent is in the sWo. The Smurfs World Order or something like that. Hell, You could be Big Poppa Smurf and I wouldn’t care. Matt, your little posse gave me an idea. Just read the initials of your group. S Dubya O."

 

Sharpe smiles

 

LS: "My Monday morning.. I will unleash a plague on the world. I will unleash the SWO t-shirt. For the only SWO that matters in my point of view."

 

Dramatic pause from Sharpe

 

LS: "The Sharpe World Order"

 

Sharpe nods

 

LS: "The Sharpe World Order won’t be made up of 5 guys trying to make up for their lack of anatomy by beating up other men. I don’t need that baggage. The Sharpe World Order is a clique of people who buy the t-shirt. So, when you see it out there, then just buy the Shirt. I don’t really care who you are, as long as your money comes my way, you can buy my SWO t-shirts. sWo, There is nothing you can really do to stop the Sharpe World Order. I figure that with my winning ways, I will take you down. I will take Fungus down, I will take Jenkins down and then I’ll take down the head of the Smirks World Order, Mak the Knife himself. But, that is the future, not the present. The present involves me winning the European title and beating Matt Myers. The present will be in the lovely Bingo Hall, Viking Hall, where I will be victorious. Upon the end of the show and my victory, I declare a massive party at the Hotel I'm gonna be at. Oh yeah... the Future is good. Very good."

 

Pause from Sharpe.

 

LS: "Get the point!?!?!?!?!"

 

Sharpe holds up two thumbs and does a mock smile and then we fade to black.

[Guest Listen2Reason]

...this is golden.

[Guest Chuck Woolery]

Ditto on Fugue, man. You make me laugh with pain in my sides.

[Guest kelloggs]

* Cue Joey Styles * OH MY GOD~!...

 

Sharpey you don't know how funny your gimmick is. And you finally pulled the trigger on the Sharpe World Order shirts. I love it! hehe... too bad Matt's gonna win for the pride of the REAL sWo around here.