Political humour and the vagaries of Fate

[Guest Vern Gagne]

Liberal doesn't necessarily mean Democrat. Lincoln Chaffee is a liberal republican and Zell Miller is a moderate to conservative democrat.

Miller's been on of President Bush's strongest supporters on passing a Homeland security bill, and Chaffee is against the bill.

Even though I'm not a fan of the Dems, Miller is one that I don't mind.

[Guest Olympic Slam]

Marney's maths:

 

The U.S senate is about 100 members, 50 of which are Democrat, I believe.

 

The population of America is roughly 300 million. So, of America's 300 million population, the 150 million who support the Democrats hate the U.S, and wish for its destruction.

 

Interesting.

Just a little off-topic (if there is a topic) but is anyone else a little angry that the majority leader of the Senate (Dashle) represents a state with less than 8,000 people? So he represents less than 4,000 yet he jas a fair amount of power in Washington.

[Guest Ken]

He has as much right as any senator to be leader. It isn't based on where they are from, but who his colleague's believe is the most capable person to do the job.

Whether he comes from South Dakota, New York, Texas or Hawaii is irrelevant.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Yep. I find Olympic's criticism puzzling, to say the least.

C'mon people, get with it. The Democrats pull enough incredibly stupid shit for them to be raked over the coals on real issues.

 

Incidentally, South Dakota has ~756,600 people, not 8,000, and Senator Daschle represents 162,884 people who voted for him in 1998, or 62.14% of the 262,111 people who voted. Not 4,000.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

It really sounds like Gephardt is taking alot of heat inside the Democratic ranks for basically being behind the President on Iraq.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Here's some political humor for everyone, base I know, but still hilarious given that it's an election thread and all:

 

Kotzenjunge

Would Vote for the Guy Just so he can Complain About Mayor Manlove

[Guest MrRant]

Here's some political humor for everyone, base I know, but still hilarious given that it's an election thread and all:

 

Kotzenjunge

Would Vote for the Guy Just so he can Complain About Mayor Manlove

I would think you would complain of the Iron Fisted rule of Manlove.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

This is actually real. Check out Pasadena's City Hall website if, like me, you couldn't believe it.

[Guest MrRant]

Oh I believe it. Its too good to be false lol.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

(shudder) I was hoping how he looked would redeem him and his name, but I dunno...

 

Hey, would I post a fake picture?

 

Kotzenjunge

Won't Be Dropping the Soap Any Time Soon

[Guest Cancer Marney]

There are MORE. Do a search on Google. <laughing incredulously> It's far too appropriate that one teaches theatre, but another actually has a business called Manlove Advertising. And his article will teach you how to promote your church.

 

Dear God in heaven. Is there such a thing as perfection in unintentional humour?

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Here's one that isn't as much funny as it is just plain cool:

 

I love boners.com.

 

Kotzenjunge

Will Gladly Elect Anyone Named Beer

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Three political jokes, crossposted here for those who don't go to NHB.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Saddam Hussein and President Bush meet in Baghdad for talks on inspections. There are two chairs on the stage, seemingly identical in every way, but when the President sits down he notices Hussein's chair has three buttons on the armrest.

They begin talking, but after barely five minutes have passed, Hussein presses a button and a boxing gloves pops out of the President's chair, and bashes him in the face. Hussein sniggers. The President's annoyed, but he carries on with the talks. But after another few minutes Hussein presses a second button and out comes a second boxing glove and whacks him in the face. Hussein's laughing openly by now.

The President's really pissed off but he tries to remain at least outwardly calm. They resume the talks, but a few minutes later, Hussein presses the final button, and a third boxing glove hits the President. Fuming, he stands up and snaps, "'We'll continue this next week in the White House." Hussein, still laughing, is too proud to say no.

A week later the President receives him in the Oval Office. As Hussein sits down, he sees three buttons in the armrest of the President's chair. He doesn't want to look chicken, though, so he sits down and the meeting begins.

A few minutes into it, the President presses the first button. Hussein ducks, but nothing seems to happen.

Hussein looks confused, but the President's looking at him and chuckling as if something's funny. Warily, Hussein sits up again and starts talking. Barely a minute later, the President presses another button. Hussein leaps out of his chair, but again, absolutely nothing happens. The President is laughing so hard he can barely speak. Hussein simply can't understand what the hell is happening, but he hasn't been harmed, so he sits down again. After a few minutes the President presses the final button.

This time, Saddam stays seated, but the President, is rolling on the floor, clutching his ribs and howling with laughter. Hussein, really annoyed by now, stands up and shouts: "I've had enough of this! I'm going back to Baghdad."

The President looks up from the floor, and, through tears of laughter, asks, "Baghdad? What Baghdad?"

 

~ ~ ~

 

A guy walks into a bar one night only to see the President of the United States and the Secretary of State sitting in a corner, talking about obviously important things in hushed undertones. He blinks, rubs his eyes, and then goes up to the bartender, whispering excitedly, "Is that really President Bush? And General Powell?"

"Yeah," says the bartender, grinning widely. "Ain't it great?"

The guy nods eagerly and hurries up to the two, and, after begging their pardon and asking if he might shake their hands, asks, "Mr President, sir, it's a great, great honour to meet you. But I have to ask - what on earth are you doing here?"

The President and the General exchange contemplative looks. After thinking it over for a few seconds, the President turns back to the guy, and slowly drawls, "We're planning to kill 20 million Iraqis and a bicycle repairman."

"A bicycle repairman?" asks the guy, confused. "Why a bicycle repairman?"

"See!" shouts the President, slapping General Powell on the arm. "See? I told you no one would care about 20 million Iraqis!"

 

~ ~ ~

 

It's 2030, in New York City, and a man's taking his 10 year-old son around Manhattan.

They stop in front of the World Trade Center memorial, and the boy asks, "Daddy, what happened here?"

His father thinks for a moment, considering how best to explain it, and then says, "Well, son, once upon a time there were other buildings here. But some Arabs made them fall."

The boy looks puzzled, and asks, "Daddy... what's an Arab?"

[Guest Samurai_Goat]

I heard that first one before, except instead of a bicycle repairman, it was a big breasted blonde. And after that, some girl said "Aren't men pigs?" Then she tried to leave in a little huff, but it took her a while, because she's about a hundred pounds overweight. We're all pigs in our own way.

[Guest hardyz1]

kkk, this is weeks late in reply, but I'll post it anyway.

 

I'm pretty sure Rendell is in the lead right now.

 

I am loving the Fisher/Rendell attack ads. In one ad, Rendell's camp accuses Fisher of using an actor to play a Philly cab driver to put down Rendell. Then they show a bunch of "real" cab drivers who support Rendell. I didn't see the Fisher ad with the actor, though.

 

Fisher ran an ad that claimed he saved Hershey from being sold. Shortly after, Rendell had an ad on the air saying something like, "Did Mike Fisher actually claim to save Hershey?!" Then they said Fisher actually was the one who tried to get the sale going, and that he went back on that just to get support.

 

Fisher has an ad which features sound bytes of Rendell saying things like "I think in a pinch, we might have to raise some taxes." Now Rendell is on an ad that sidesteps Fisher's claim and reiterates his desire to lower property taxes.

 

It's good stuff.

[Guest Vern Gagne]

the dems in montana ran an ad suggesting the GOP canidate for Senate was a gay hairdresser.

 

for a party that promotes tolerance why should sexual orientation make a difference, if he really is gay.

[Guest RevEvil]

the dems in montana ran an ad suggesting the GOP canidate for Senate was a gay hairdresser.

 

for a party that promotes tolerance why should sexual orientation make a difference, if he really is gay.

You expect tolerance in Montana?

[Guest alkeiper]

I am loving the Fisher/Rendell attack ads. In one ad, Rendell's camp accuses Fisher of using an actor to play a Philly cab driver to put down Rendell. Then they show a bunch of "real" cab drivers who support Rendell. I didn't see the Fisher ad with the actor, though.

 

My (sarcastic) response to Rendell's ad was, "Oh my god, Fisher used an ACTOR? In a COMMERCIAL??" It's amazing how sad both those guys are.

[Guest Samurai_Goat]

Well, over here we got Tony Sanchez and Rick Perry. Rick says Tony owned a bank that went down, Tony says it's lies, Rick pulls a clip from a newspaper saying it's the truth, Tony pulls a court document saying it's a lie, Rick pulls another that says it's true, Tony get's a judge to say it's false, and then runs a commercial that's actually about his political stances, to which Rick replies....that Tony's bank went down. Insert hearty sigh here.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

"I would rather not see the money go to Washington in the first place, I'd just as soon see it stay in New Hampshire. One of the ways that we can do this is to help stimulate the north country by, uh, as a Congress, taking the regulations off the product of hemp. Hemp is a good product, it's a renewable product, we can renew our farms, we can energise our paper mill by making quality paper with hemp product as a base, it's just a go-go situation. We don't have to send the money to Washington and then bring it back here!"

- Ken Blevens, Libertarian candidate for US Senator from New Hampshire

10/21/02 Senate debate

 

-------

 

And the nation holds its breath as the third largest party in American politics once more goes after the vote of potheads everywhere...

[Guest DrTom]

It's a shame. The Libertarian party could get a LOT of votes, if only the potheads didn't wake up too stoned to remember that it's Election Day.

 

"Dude, I just saw, like, the news. It was election day today. <coughcoughcough>"

 

"Dude, no way. I meant to... y'know, go out and... like, vote. Bummer. <pause> Hey, you done with the bong?"

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Congress Debates Coolness Of Rush

WASHINGTON, DC - Continuing its long-running debate on the subject Monday, members of Congress argued the merits of Canadian power trio Rush. "'The philosopher and the plowman, each must play his part'?" asked House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-TX). "C'mon. Neil Peart must be the most pretentious lyricist in arena-rock history. Gentlemen, forget these bloated, overrated '70s dinosaurs." Countered longtime Rush loyalist Rep. Peter DeFazio (D-OR): "Keep talking, man, the tunes say it all: 'Passage To Bangkok'? 'By-Tor And The Snow Dog'? That part in 'Red Barchetta' where [Rush bassist/vocalist] Geddy [Lee] sings about the gleaming alloy aircar shooting toward him two lanes wide? Look me in the eye and tell me that doesn't rock, motherfucker!" The deliberations are expected to continue throughout the week.

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Bah. First of all, the President didn't say anything of the sort, and second, he would have been correct even if he had.

Pffft...

 

Historian: "This is what the CIA did in the name of United Fruit...."

 

American: "You are an evil, anti-American terrorist!!!!!! What's past is past! America only does things for the right reasons! It's ancient history anyway!"

 

Historian: "Well, this is what the U.S did last year...."

 

American: *repeats their previous comment*

 

Historian: "OK, let's talk about all the good things the U.S has done"

 

American: "YAY! GO AMERICA! DEFENDER OF FREEDOM!!!! FREEDOM!!!!! FREEEEEEDOM!"

 

*something bad happens to the U.S*

 

American: "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy are they doing this! I just don't understand why ANYBODY could hate the U.S!"

 

Government: "The ONE, SINGLE reason people hate the U.S is because they are jealous of your SUV and Chick-Fil-A."

 

American: "OMG!!! You are so right!!!"

 

People today make me sad.

[Guest EricMM]

You make me sad.

 

And slightly angry.

 

and very nauseous

[Guest Samurai_Goat]

What makes me nauseous is people who say "OMG!" all the freakin' time. That, and "ROTFLMAO!!!" and "ROTFLMAOLMAFROTFLOLOLOLOL" Over and over and over...

[Guest EricMM]

OMG lol that's so funny LOL

 

wait, what?

[Guest Agent of Oblivion]

It's a shame. The Libertarian party could get a LOT of votes, if only the potheads didn't wake up too stoned to remember that it's Election Day.

 

"Dude, I just saw, like, the news. It was election day today. <coughcoughcough>"

 

"Dude, no way. I meant to... y'know, go out and... like, vote. Bummer. <pause> Hey, you done with the bong

 

Oh come on, some of us aren't THAT bad...at least I vote.

 

Besides, around here, that exchange would go more like this:

 

"Hey, what time is it?"

 

"Three in the morning."

 

"FUCKER, today was election day, wasn't it?"

 

...dramatic pause...

 

"...shit."

 

"Pack a bowl."

 

See there, not one "dude" or "like." Know your pothead. They may elect your president someday.

 

On another note that bit about Rush had me cracking up, but only because I'm a fan.

[Guest BaldFish]

It's a shame. The Libertarian party could get a LOT of votes, if only the potheads didn't wake up too stoned to remember that it's Election Day.

 

"Dude, I just saw, like, the news. It was election day today. <coughcoughcough>"

 

"Dude, no way. I meant to... y'know, go out and... like, vote. Bummer. <pause> Hey, you done with the bong?"

Okay. All the potheads are in the GREEN party these days. All the Libertarian party has left are businessmen who don't want to pay taxes.

 

That's why I ditched the Libertarians--they got less focused on social issues and more focused on fiscal issues.

[Guest TJH]

It might be time to think about unpinning this.....

[Guest DrTom]

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, since the elections have passed.