Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever

[Guest C.H.U.D.]

I had the unfortunate luck of seeing Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever last night, thanks to my gf who has a thing for Antonio Banderas. Man, I'll never let her forget this.

 

Now, as many of you know, I have pretty open tastes when it comes to movies, and even bad ones I can usually give a "so bad, it's good" recommendation. But this is one of those times where it's so bad, it's just bad. This takes the "worst movie of the year to date" award by far. Sure, it has some decent action scenes, and it's cool seeing Ray "Darth Maul" Park in a non make-up role, but the storyline is paper thin and full of plot holes you could throw cannonballs through. Logic is incoherent at best, and the characters are worthless, making me wish everyone would die at the end. I won't go into details about the story, because I'd hate to travel down that horrible road of memories.

 

If you are considering seeing this film anyway, here is a sample of the "intelligent" dialogue you can look forward to:

 

Random Agent: Who is this woman? How is she so dangerous?

 

Ecks: She is a highly trained Chinese agent. They are trained from birth in combat, and to have no emotions or feelings.

 

Random Agent: So why is she trying to kill Agent Gant?

 

Ecks: He did something that pissed her off and made her angry.

 

Yeah, and one second ago she was trained from birth to not have emotions or feelings.

 

[Guest DrTom]

I have NO plans to see this, but from everything I've read, it sounds like even the prospect of Lucy Liu kicking ass on screen can't save this one from oblivion. And Lucy Liu kicking ass can save a lot.

 

Wasn't this a video game first? Hasn't anyone caught onto the fact that video game, then movie, is the wrong order to do things in?

[Guest godthedog]

anyone who gets suckered into seeing this movie for any reason deserves what they get.you can't watch the trailers and NOT know what to expect.

[Guest mach7]

I would've loved to have been in the room when the writer's were coming up with that brilliant dialogue. Such continuity! :SHEESH!: I'm definitely missing this one. Even if I wanted to, I doubt I'd be going. My g/f can't go to a Lucy Liu movie without being told a hundred times by a hundred different people that she looks exactly like her. Though it is funny at how pissed off she gets about it.

[Guest mach7]

I have NO plans to see this, but from everything I've read, it sounds like even the prospect of Lucy Liu kicking ass on screen can't save this one from oblivion. And Lucy Liu kicking ass can save a lot.

 

Wasn't this a video game first? Hasn't anyone caught onto the fact that video game, then movie, is the wrong order to do things in?

I dunno man, Resident Evil was a pretty sweet prequel to the video games. But on the other hand, Final Fantasy looked great - it's too bad \ the story and religious overtones were awful.

[Guest J*ingus]

Ballistic's producers sent the script to a video game company before shooting began, so the game was out long before the movie was.

 

As to the flick's quality, well, come on, the fact that it has the worst title in recent memory didn't warn you enough?

[Guest El Satanico]

Well i never wanted to see it, but damn that is some terrible dialoge. Aren't there suppose to be people who check the dialoge in a script and clean it up before making the movie. Guess they were tired that day.

[Guest Lethargic]

The funny thing is that I remember pretty much the exact same thing happening Black Hawk Down but everybody liked that for some reason. There was a party where Eric Bana said "What people don't understand is that it's about the man standing next to you."

 

3 seconds later he's fixing to go out and fight some more. Hartnett tries to go with him but Bana says "no, I fight better alone."

 

Huh? So is it about the guy next to you or is it about fighting alone?

[Guest razazteca]

well its still worth $2.50 matinee for me, I'll just see it for the fight scenes.

[Guest SuperTonyJaymz]

any movie that has (blank) vs. (blank) as a title sucks.

[Guest TUS_02]

There is one redeeming factor in the movie... Ray Park. But thank GOD I saw it for free.

[Guest Kagato Otaku]

I'm not seeing this movie, but looking at the dialogue out of context here, I don't see what you're getting so worked up about.

 

Random Agent: Who is this woman? How is she so dangerous?

 

Ecks: She is a highly trained Chinese agent. They are trained from birth in combat, and to have no emotions or feelings.

 

Random Agent: So why is she trying to kill Agent Gant?

 

Ecks: He did something that pissed her off and made her angry.

 

Cheesy yes, but it looks more like an attempt to be witty than a scripted screw-up. Not a good attempt mind you, but an attempt nonetheless....

[Guest C.H.U.D.]

any movie that has (blank) vs. (blank) as a title sucks.

Except King Kong Vs. Godzilla.

[Guest starvenger]

I have NO plans to see this, but from everything I've read, it sounds like even the prospect of Lucy Liu kicking ass on screen can't save this one from oblivion. And Lucy Liu kicking ass can save a lot.

Screw Lucy, if I want to see an Asian woman kicking ass in a movie, I'd get Michelle Yeoh. Or Zhang Ziyi. Or even Patricia Lee (Power Rangers) and Francoise Yip (Rumble in the Bronx).

 

Current tomatometer rating is a perfect 66 out of 66... rotten. I think that bests even Pluto Nash...

[Guest evenflowDDT]

any movie that has (blank) vs. (blank) as a title sucks.

Except King Kong Vs. Godzilla.

*cough* Godzilla vs. King Ghidora (sp?) *cough*

[Guest Lethargic]

How about just saying Godzilla vs __________?

[Guest J*ingus]

Because some of them suck: Godzilla vs. Megalon, for example. I'd hate to meet the twisted crack addict who must be that movie's only fan.

 

What 'bout Kramer vs. Kramer?

[Guest Ravenbomb]

what about BRUCE CAMPBEL VS THE ARMY OF DARKNES~!?!?

 

and wasn't there supposed to be a movie called Spy vs. Spy out this year? Did that get renamed into this?

[Guest Kagato Otaku]

Ecks vs. Sever isn't Spy vs. Spy. That script has been gathering dust in the Hollywood backlot for YEARS.

 

Maybe you're thinking of I Spy, which comes out in November.

[Guest Just call me Dan]

I'll tell you what, Alien vs Predator if it ever comes out better not suck. If Terminator 3 and Freddy vs Jason do, I'll probably be really pissed, how about you guys? Speaking of T3, don't you just see bad things happeneing? 1 and 2 were so damned good, and Arnold's movies have been so sub-par lately I'm cringing.

[Guest Kahran Ramsus]

T3 looks to be one of the biggest bombs in film history. No James Cameron. No Linda Hamilton. No Michael Beihn. No Edward Furlong. No Robert Patrick. And with a budget so big it will be very difficult to pull in a profit. What's the fucking point?