Guest Chuck Woolery Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Brian Hennessey walks into the big ballroom of the Empress hotel in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, his pale blue sunglasses looking around in disdain at his surroundings... many, many booths, all filled with JL and AL jobbers. Hennessey is immediately greeted as he enters by a tiny man handing out flyers. "Come to my wrestling school!" the man says to Hennessey. He stops, staring up at him. "Wow, you've got a great physique! My name is Jean-Michel Brind'Amour, and I wrestle for the Smarks Single-A League!" "Brian Hennessey, Wrestling Timez. Nice to meet you. It would've been nicer if you'd let Tom Flesher carry you to higher than a one-star rating, but you just had to sandbag him that night, didn't you, you worthless jobber?" Brind'Amour looks up at the writer for the WT, his eyes widening. "I'm s-s-s-s-sorry sir, I had the f-f-f-flu that night and I was working with a broken a-a-a-ankle." Hennessey stares down at Jean-Michel. "Flesher could've carried you to three stars if you were dead. How horrible can you be? No, I won't go to your fucking school! Get the fuck away from me, you worthless jobbing bitch!" Hennessey shoves the jobber away, pulling a microcassette recorder out of his pocket and switching it to on. "Brian Hennessey here with the Wrestling Timez. I'm at SWF Festivexxx, and so far I've been asked to go to a wrestling school run by a man who could barely put on a one star match with Tom Flesher. Oh well. I'm approaching the first booth..." Mark Stevens gazes out from the Call A Classic! booth, the first booth in the room. He looks next to him, where the SJL's Leon Sharpe sits, having been talked into being the color guy for the Call A Classic! booth. Mark leans over to Sharpe's ear and whispers, "Look out... Hennessey's coming over." Sharpe's eyes dart towards the 6'2", 210 pounder roughly thirty feet away from him. "Did you see what that bitch rated my match against Myers," Sharpe asks, anger in his voice. "I will kill that cocksucker. I swear, if I have to do comm -" A smile crosses Sharpe's and Stevens' face as Hennessey walks up to them. He flips out a wallet, with a paper badge glued inside that reads "WTimez". "Brian Hennessey, Wrestling Timez. I see you crackpots are running a booth where I can call a so-called classic match, eh?" Stevens grins broadly. "That we are, my good man." "Well," says Hennessey, "Do you have any Danny Williams?" "Sorry," Stevens says, "But we don't feel Williams has put on any classics." "How about Ced Ordonez?" "Nope." "And you call yourselves a classic booth! Humor me. What 'classic' matches do you have here?" Stevens looks at the drawer where the tapes are stored. Hennessey looks, mildly interested, while Sharpe sits next to him, away from the gaze of Hennessey and trying hard not to strangle the cocky journalist. "Let's see," Stevens says. "We have Erek Taylor v The Boston Strangler..." "Spotfest." "Chris Wilson v Edwin MacPhisto." "Too politicked." "Thoth v Edwin MacPhisto v Chris Wilson." "Cripes, Stevens, do you have a hard-on for Chris Wilson? Obviously you people have no taste." Hennessey leaves, his nose in the air as Stevens and Sharpe stare after him. "Should I kill him?" Sharpe asks. "Nah," Stevens replies. Hennessey moves on to the Oat Toast booth, manned by everyone's favorite retiree, Z! Alex Zenon stares at Brian Hennessey, and the Wrestling Timez journalist looks at Z with an odd smile. "Brian Hennessey, Wrestling Timez." "Alex Zenon, SWF. Wanna try some Oat Toast?" "No." "Are you sure?" "No." "Come on, Hennessey. We all know you loooooove the SWF. You may badmouth us in your reviews, but we all know you're a hooooopeless mark. We know it, Hennessey. Come ooooon! Suppppppppport the SWF! Buuuuuuuuy some Oooooooooat Toooooast!" "No." "I'll give you a Few Minutes With Tom Flesher." "No." "An hour." "No." "Two hours." "No." "Why not, for God's sake?" "Because you are just full of potential, and yet you're content to sit here and hawk your shitty Oat Toast. You make me fucking sick." Hennessey walks away, and Z stares back at him with confused anger. Mostly anger. Brian moves on to the big autograph table. Lined up are Tom Flesher, Ced Ordonez, Edwin MacPhisto, Misty, Ash Ketchum, and Chris Wilson. A huge sign reads "ONLY ONE PER CUSTOMER." Because of this, Edwin and Misty have long lines, while Ash and Chris have slightly smaller ones. Tom has a few teenagers, and Tom discusses drink mixes with them. Hennessey smiles. Now I don't have to wait in line to get an autograph from a talented worker! Hennessey casually walks up to Ced Ordonez. "Brian Hennessey, Wrestling Timez. Man, you have more skills than anyone else on the roster. Seriously. You and Sacred should be the top feud, but yet they're wasting you on this Jay Dawg bullcrap." Ced looks at Hennessey. "It's my role." "Yes, but can't you see! You'd be a star in Japan! In Mexico! In Canada, for God's sakes, in fucking Germany! Go there! Wrestle five-star matches!" Ced looks at Hennessey even odder. "But I like it here in the SWF." "But don't you want to be a star?" Ced smirks at Hennessey. "Not really. I'd rather just do my thing, you know? Besides, if they did push me, you'd say I was undeserving like Triple H." Ced winks at Hennessey sarcastically. "Right?" Brian looks at Ordonez, a beaten man. "Just sign my autograph, okay?" Ced smiles and obliges as Hennessey leaves to go to the dunk tank. Flesher leans over to Ordonez. "Told that fool off." Hennessey moves on to the SWF Genesis booth, where Mike Van Siclen and Renegade stand, casually playing against each other on Xbox (the only console that matters). A third and fourth controller is hooked up, and Hennessey immediately grabs it. Mike and Renegade stare at him. "Bro, you know you're making us start over, right?" Brian looks at Mike, flipping out his wallet. "Brian Hennessey, Wrestling Timez. Now then, you useless sack of shit, take me back to the start screen so I can whip your pussy ass." Mike looks at Renegade, then back at Hennessey. "Okay." -=:Five Minutes Later:=- (on-screen) "THREE!" "That's not fair!" Mike smirks. "What's not fair?" "You can't win a two out of three falls match in five minutes!" "Well..." Mike looks at the timer in the upper right hand corner of the screen. "I didn't. I beat you in four minutes and forty-nine seconds." "This game is rigged! The hosses have all the talent!" "Hey man, it's not my fault that you put Danny Williams against Xstasy and lost. And how the hell can you call X a hoss?" "Because I said so, and my opinion is the only one that matters." "O... kay..." Hennessey throws the controller to the ground and stomps off. Renegade comes over and picks it up, looking at Mike. "That boy needs an attitude adjustment." "I know... I know." To be continued! 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Guest Ace309 Report post Posted September 25, 2002 *marks for seeing his name in print* VERY entertaining, Mike. Can't wait for Part II. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest chirs3 Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Oh my God, that was great. I can't wait to see what hell you're gonna cook up for the others... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest El Luchadore Magnifico Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Terrrrific stuff. I can't help but feel that we're slapping our Smark hosts directly in the face, however. Ah well. And not to start a console war or anything, but the X-Box sucks. Yah. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest CED Ordonez Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Working the smarks, bay-bee! Parodies rock and plus 10 billion stars for referring to me, except for the fact I don't sign autographs, I kick you in the face. C'mon, if you love me you deserve a kick in the face! Wait a second... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest T®ITEC Report post Posted September 25, 2002 That was very humorous, even if I didn't know who anyone was... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Amusing Mike, I really hate Hennessey. Better not have him get anywhere near Frost, because he would just kick his fucking ass for him. He would, Frost does not tolerate smarky journalists with their noses in the air. Having him lose the video game was a nice touch though to cut the character down a bit. Cool concept overall. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Thoth Report post Posted September 25, 2002 AHAHAHAHAHHA! ... HAHAHAHAH! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Edwin MacPhisto Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Brilliance has sprung forth from New Hampshire, by god. That was fantastic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Tyler McClelland Report post Posted September 25, 2002 Go back to Canadia. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest WrestlingDeacon Report post Posted September 25, 2002 I did this joke in chat, but I can't believe no one has pulled out a "Festivexxx for the of Exxx" yet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ash Ketchum Report post Posted September 25, 2002 I now officially mark out for MVS. Excellent work, my friend Cannot wait for Installment #2. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
