Your Greatest Match

February 27, 2002

Well, since we moved from the IGN boards, there are a few things we can do here that we couldn't do there, and that includes unlimited edit time. So this is my idea: Everyone find their favorite match of their career. It could be their first title win, their incredible match that lost by *gestures* this much, or it could be something incredibly hilarious. Post it, and leave it up until you think you've written something better. When that happens, then just edit your post. I figure this is a good way of introducing the individual wrestlers to people at The Smarks, and for all of us to look back at the past. I'll have one of my favorites up in a little.

And only one match. Please. Unless you're Stubby. Then you can post as many as you want.

February 27, 2002

This is my only true IGNJL World Title defense, which was against LDP. I barely pulled it out (thanks for the scoop slam yet again, LDP. ), but it's one of my personal favorites. Anyway, enjoy. It was my only chance to do commentary with Edwin....so much fun!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rabid IGNJL fans at the Igloo in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania are on their feet, roaring as the spotlights come back up, signaling Crimson’s return to the airwaves. The fans start reaching for their signs, trying to get them on TV once again as the bored cameramen start panning around the arena, and focusing in on signs at random. The camera continues to pan back and forth between two signs that simply read “Hi Mom!” and “I liek beer!” as the fans slowly begin to quiet down. The camera then swings over to the announce table, where Axis is holding his head in his hands as Edwin blabbers excitedly in Axis’ general direction.

“But in this dream, this was no ordinary grape! This was…..a SEEDLESS grape!”

“Lord, take me now….Thank God! Hi, folks! Welcome back to IGNJL Crimson! As my new partner, Edwin MacPhisto, will attest to, this has been a night to remember!”

“Right-o, Axis! What a night for me to start my capricious, cromulent, commentative career!”

“Does that actually mean anything?”

“Of course it does, you higbottemish Aussie!”

“Right….Anyway, as I was saying, we’ve had some great matches! Tonight, we saw the new Television Champion, Matt Myers, taking on promising X Force Nine newcomer Annie Eclectic!”

“Also, there was a brutal Cruiser rules match between XF9 member Erek Taylor, and former XF9 member Sydney Sky!”

“And sticking to the note of XF9, Ash Ketchum took on Renegade and Damien Phillips in an elimination match!”

“And tonight, the final X Force Nine member, LDP, finally makes his return to the ring in a No-Interference match for the Boston Strangler’s world title!”

“Where was LDP, Commissioner? When you assumed the position, he was reinstated from the suspension Brimstone gave him. Where did he go to?”

“I’m afraid I’m just as clueless as you are, Axis! The bloke said he’d be back, and then up and disappeared! But he made his return just in time to save X Force Nine, and claim that title shot that Strangler offered up on Metal!”

“And LDP laid down the law to a surprised, and even a somewhat scared, Strangler in that ring on Metal! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Strangler as intimidated as he was by LDP!”

“Well, since John Kruger stopped whipping Strangler like a dog, that is. But Strangler didn’t know quite what to make of the Longdogger, and he basically just gave into his demands!”

“LDP seems to respect Strangler’s wishes, however! LDP wants a no-interference matchup, which means that XF9 will NOT be allowed to interfere here tonight!”

“Axis, I’m afraid LDP might have made a small error in judgment there! I detest cheating as much as the next person…”

“You seem to be forgetting my FORMER partner, Edwin.”

“Well, Bobbi was always different….in so many, many ways. But most normal people detest cheating. And now that XF9 won’t be around to help out LDP, he has to beat Strangler in a one-on-one matchup, which no one has done since Strangler and Brimstone squared off in a Throw In the Towels match, which Strangler was screwed out of!”

“Edwin, you make a great point. LDP is gonna have his work cut out for him tonight when he takes on the giant Bostonian, who’s been marching through all comers as of late!”

“Axis, I think it’s time to blow the roof….wait, do igloos have roofs?”

“How would I know? And does it really matter?”

“Of course it matters! Quick, get the research department on the line!”

Edwin grabs a cell phone from one of the people in the front row, who are busy jawing to their friends at home about how they’re on TV. “The lives of poor, innocent Eskimos are at stake! He’ll call you later!” screams Edwin into the phone before hanging up, and dialing in the number of the producer backstage.

“Oh boy….he’s almost making Riley look good. Anyway, while Edwin tries to save Eskimos from….whatever they need to be saved from, it’s time for the main event to get started! Let’s head to Funyon, who’s in the middle of the ring, to get the introductions started.”

The lights begin to go down, and a murmur flush with excitement and adrenaline starts to emerge from the crowd, who are more than ready to get this match started. Funyon stands in the middle of the ring, looking slightly nervous, since the commissioner is sitting feet away from him. Sure, the commish is babbling to a poor researcher about igloos, but Funyon doesn’t know that. Funyon gulps nervously, and then raises the mic to his lips to begin the introductions.

“This match is scheduled for ONE FALL, and it is for the I-G-N-J-L WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!”

“ARE YOU READY FOR THE LONGDOGGAAAAAAHHHHHHHH?”

Funyon’s words slowly blend into Pete’s scream, as LDP appears on the stage to a massive wave of appreciation from the fans. As “Sparkle and Shine” starts blaring through the arena, only partially drowning out the fans, LDP makes his way uncharacteristically slowly down toward the ring.

“First, the CHALLENGER, from MIAMI, FLORIDA, weighing in at 272 POUNDS, he is LDP, LONGDOGGERRRRRRRRRR PETE!”

With the twirling, multicolored lights turning the arena into a sight that only Disco Stu could love, LDP climbs into the ring, and removes his leather jacket and sunglasses, revealing a bright yellow and green Hawaiian shirt. LDP does a few stretches in the ring, as Funyon prepares to bring the mic back to his lips.

“And now, introducing the IGNJL WORLD CHAMPION….”

The words have scarcely escaped Funyon’s lips before “Godzilla” plays over the PA system, sending the fans into a round of strong boos as the Boston Strangler appears on the ramp, with his long, tattered coat flowing behind him.

“From BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, weighing in at 294 POUNDS, he is the IGNJL WORLD CHAMPION, the BOSTON…STRRRRRRRRANGLER!”

Strangler holds his title into the air, drawing yet another round of boos from the harsh Pittsburgh crowd. Strangler quickly makes his way down to the ring, and slides underneath the ropes into the center of the ring, where he gets up, with his eyes planted straight on LDP. Strangler hands the World Title belt to the referee, who raises it into the air, and then hands it over to the outside. Both Strangler and LDP are ready to go, and begin to stare each other down, glaring straight into each other’s eyes. The ref goes to call for the bell, but the voice of the new color commentator, and IGNJL commissioner, Edwin MacPhisto, interrupts.

“Folks, I’d like to show you something that has come to my attention recently!”

“Oh no…” groans Axis, slumping his head into his hands as Edwin points to the IGNTron™.

“Now, if you’ll direct your attention to the IGNTron™, you’ll see a picture of an igloo, much like the one we’re in today! Now, if you’ll see what I circle, you’ll see the top section of the igloo! This is, in fact, a roof! So therefore, we can now blow the roof off this igloo! Let’s get this match started!”

The ref, not wanting to waste any more time, or give Edwin more time to speak, calls for the bell, to get the match started.

DING DING DING!

“Edwin, two things. One: What the hell was that? And two: Where did we get that equipment?”

“Well, the people of Pittsburgh should know as much as possible about the structure they’re in! And when the commish is the commentator, people pay a little more attention to you….” says Edwin with a smirk on his face.

“You know, maybe this WILL work out better than Riley!”

Strangler and LDP are still staring at Edwin, who is now perched behind the announce table, trying to figure out why half the arena is laughing hysterically. Breaking his look at Edwin, LDP charges toward Strangler, and sends the champion reeling backwards with a hard shot from LDP’s right fist. LDP lays into Strangler, sending another overhand punch Strangler’s way, then another, and another. Strangler tries to resist the blows, but falters underneath LDP’s onslaught, and stumbles backwards, finally ending up pinned against the ropes. LDP rears back, and sends his right fist streaking toward Strangler’s jaw, but Strangler rolls along the ropes out of harm’s way. LDP goes catapulting forward, and slams himself into the ropes himself. He quickly rights himself, and turns to face Strangler, only to be met with Strangler size-15 boot crashing into his jaw, sending Pete reeling backwards into the turnbuckle.

“And Strangler manages to counter LDP’s quick start with a nice little reversal.”

“Axis, there’s nothing little about that shot from Strangler’s big foot. Hey, Axis, you know what they say about people with big feet?”

“Not you too….Riley wouldn’t shut up with this joke for three shows! We lost Pizza Hut as a sponsor thanks to that…”

“Pizza Hut is offended by people with big feet wearing big socks? Those people are weird!”

“You would know weird, wouldn’t you, Edwin?”

“Right-o, Axis!”

Strangler launches into the corner, driving his shoulder straight into LDP’s sternum. The Longdogger lets out a huge groan, and comes tumbling out of the corner, straight into the mat. He quickly gets to his knees, and is in the process of pushing himself up when Strangler sends his boot straight into LDP’s unprotected face. LDP falls to the mat, clutching his nose, which seems to be bent at a slightly unnatural angle. The crowd lays into Strangler, who merely grins, and stomps LDP’s side, attacking the unprotected kidney.

“Strangler has quickly taken an advantage over LDP here! LDP made an uncharacteristic early mistake, and he’s paying for it now!”

“Petey sure picked a bad time to start screwing up! Perhaps his little excursion into the land of the lost lead to a lack of lucidity, and LDP’s lethargy!”

“Stupid Carnies…”

Strangler pulls LDP, who still appears to be in a haze from the shot to his face, back to his feet. Strangler quickly sends LDP recoiling backwards from a hard right shot from his fist, before grabbing ahold of LDP’s forearm. Strangler pulls forward, sending LDP sailing toward the ropes. LDP comes flying back off the whip, and manages to regain some of his composure. He sees Strangler waiting there, apparently looking for a belly to belly suplex, but LDP gathers his strength, and leaps into the air, soaring through the air with his arms and legs outstretched toward Strangler. LDP slams into Strangler, and tries to drop him to the mat for the Lou Thesz press, but Strangler catches LDP in midair, briefly holds him up, and then mashes him into the mat with a vicious spinebuster. LDP goes bouncing off to the side, while Strangler drops down to the mat, rolls LDP onto his back, and hooks his leg.

“First pin attempt of the night! The ref’s beginning the count!”

ONE!

TWO!

“And LDP easily kicks out from Strangler’s spinebuster, which he calls “The Shot Heard ‘Round the World!”

“I think Strangler may be guilty of a little false advertising there, Axis. To tell you the truth, I don’t think many of the people in the arena heard that shot, let alone the rest of the world.”

“It’s just an expression, Edwin.”

“Expreswhat?”

“Never mind…”

Strangler gets to his feet, with the expression on his face remaining a stone mask of indifference. He quickly scuttles over to Pete, and sends a hard stomp straight into LDP’s gut. LDP doubles over in pain, clutching his stomach, as Strangler pulls LDP back up to his feet. Pete resists Strangler, but ends up getting overwhelmed by Strangler’s size advantage, and getting thrown into the corner. Strangler charges Pete, his shoulder down, but Pete pushes up on the turnbuckle, and sends his foot flying into the air, where it intercepts Strangler in mid-dive. Strangler goes stumbling backwards, obviously rocked by the unexpected blow, and then gets dumped to the mat as LDP explodes out of the corner, and spikes Strangler to the mat with a tremendous spear, re-energizing the fans.

“LDP manages to regain some life, and get back into this match!”

“Petey isn’t the type of person to go down easily, Axis! He’ll keep Strangler busy trying to keep him pinned to the mat!”

Pete pushes himself up to his feet, a look of weary determination starting to creep onto the Miami native’s tanned face. He pulls Strangler to his feet, and grabs ahold of the Bostonian’s arm. He tugs as hard as he can, and starts Strangler toward the turnbuckle. However, Strangler manages to plant himself after a step or two, and then pulls on LDP, sending an unprepared Pete sailing into the turnbuckle himself. Strangler wastes no time in making his way over to the corner, and sending yet another series of hard, sharp kicks into LDP’s stomach. LDP recoils backwards, and slowly starts to slink down into the corner as Strangler’s kicks continue. Finally, LDP slides down into a sitting position, with a look of complete disorientation on his face.

“And Strangler has LDP set up for the Boston Massacre! LDP’s in some real trouble right now!”

“Petey needs to turn things around, or else all the Pittsburghian XF9 fans are gonna be crying more than Tony Danza at a Belgian waffle house!”

“That made absolutely NO sense.”

“Which is why it’s brilliant!”

Strangler backs up slowly, locking his sights on LDP’s sternum, which is already battered from boot after boot from Strangler. The champion comes to a halt, and then rushes toward LDP, moving as fast as a nearly-300 pounder can be expected to. He drops to the mat, and comes sliding in with a baseball slide dropkick, but connects with nothing but the cold, hard steel of the ring post. LDP, who rolled off to the side just in the nick of time, glances back to Strangler to see him on the mat, crumpled up against the ringpost, clutching his left knee and grimacing in pain. Strangler notices LDP staring at him, and immediately releases the knee and tries to stand up, but the damage has been done, as LDP has smelled Strangler’s blood.

“And Strangler just made a VERY critical blunder there, Edwin. He allowed LDP to catch his weakness, and now he’s going to be going through this match at a severe disadvantage.”

“I’ve got to agree with Axis here. Strangler screwed up, and now LDP’s going to take advantage! When you’re fighting LDP, you can’t make a mistake like that!”

LDP pulls himself up, and intercepts Strangler, who is trying to get up at the same time. LDP delivers a hard right foot to Strangler’s left knee, sending Strangler rolling right back to the mat. Strangler lets out a yowl as LDP starts stomping away on Strangler’s knee, sending waves of pain shooting through Strangler’s entire left leg as he rolls off to the side, desperately trying to escape LDP’s onslaught. Strangler grabs ahold of the ropes, and tries to pull himself underneath and to the outside, but LDP latches on to Strangler’s sore right leg, and pulls him as hard as he can back toward the inside of the ring. Strangler lets loose with a tremendous yell as LDP twists his knee around, trying to make Strangler release his death grip on the ropes.

“And LDP has Strangler caught between a rock and a hard place, Edwin. Strangler’s knee might be shot if this keeps up much longer.”

“My good man, I mentioned that LDP is one tough hombre, but so is Strangler! Forgive me if I’m wrong, but Strangler has never submitted in his JL career! I don’t think that Strangler is going to start during this title match!”

“Once again, a good point by my new colleague! I’m already forgetting all those horrible times with Riley….”

LDP continues to pull away on Strangler’s leg, content to do damage to Strangler’s knee at no cost to himself. Strangler moans, and starts screaming at the referee to make LDP break the hold as the crowd starts a “JUST TAP OUT! JUST TAP OUT!” chant. The referee finally makes his way over, and starts telling LDP to release his death grip on Strangler’s leg. As the referee starts the five count, LDP tightens his grip, and pulls as hard as he possibly can on Strangler’s leg. Strangler’s grip, weakened by the continual force of LDP on his leg, and the pain that is wracking his entire body, finally gives way, and Strangler goes flying into the middle of the ring. LDP falls to the ground as well, somewhat overwhelmed by Strangler’s momentum.

“Well, it looks like LDP finally won that battle of wills against Strangler!”

“What a psychological edge that must give to LDP! Going head to head in a contest of wills with Strangler, and managing to take him, in even a simple contest like that, must give you a leg up on the competition!”

“Well, LDP already has an edge there, since Strangler only has one leg to stand on!”

Axis sits back, a contented smile on his face. Edwin goes to say something to him, but stops, allowing Axis to savor his “joke”, which doesn’t come all that often. Meanwhile, in the ring, LDP has gotten into a sitting position, and is sitting next to Strangler, who is massaging his sore knee, trying to get some feeling back into it. LDP takes advantage of Strangler’s indecision, and grabs onto Strangler’s legs. As Strangler begins to furiously shake, trying to wrestle Pete off of him, LDP starts to cross Strangler’s legs around his, and then drops to the mat, and locks on the Figure Four on Strangler. The crowd starts to go crazy as Strangler’s face twists into an unrecognizable mask of pain, and the big Bostonian starts to wriggle around the ring, doing anything in his power to escape the lethal submission.

“And LDP has the Figure Four locked on! Strangler looks somewhat bizarre wriggling around like that, don’t you think, Edwin?”

“I agree. He should be singing at the same time!”

“Oh yes, that’s right. I’m talking to Edwin MacPhisto….”

LDP continues to pull away on Strangler’s legs, putting as much pressure as his 272-pound frame will allow. Strangler continues to try and crawl his way to the ropes, but has little success, as LDP is heavy enough to anchor the two men to the mat. Strangler looks to the ropes, which are a good four or five feet away, and then stares at LDP, with Strangler’s lip turning white from the pressure of his biting. Strangler seems to make up his mind, and with a huge roar from the champion, Strangler begins to try and turn himself on his side, much to LDP’s surprise. The crowd’s chant of “STRANGLER’S GONNA TAP! STRANGLER’S GONNA TAP!” suddenly disappears as the fans stare intently at the battle going on inside the ring, as Strangler uses his injured knee as the main drive behind his reversal attempt.

“And Strangler is looking to reverse the Figure Four! If he can do this, the tables in this match could turn real quickly, Edwin!”

“I’ll say, Axis! Strangler is a resilient one! He really has something! But he’s disappointed me since he became champion….going after the best people in this “bid’ness”, as LDP would so eloquently put it, in the form of X Force Nine.”

“Well, Strangler’s a tough cookie to read. And speaking of a tough cookie to read, look at this! The two men are essentially balanced on their sides! Who’s gonna win this battle?”

Just as Axis said, LDP and Strangler are balancing on their sides, both straining to tip the other one over. Strangler locks eyes with LDP, and the two men are focused on nothing but the battle taking place inside the ring. The “LDP! LDP! LDP!” chant goes ignored as the two men strive to match each other, and draining every last ounce of strength from the muscles in their legs. Strangler slowly starts to crack, as the pain running through his left knee starts to weaken Strangler’s resistance. LDP can sense that he’s gaining the upper hand, and starts to force his weight on Strangler, who has a look of panic come over his face. He looks down at his legs, and then looks up at LDP, and rears his head forward. LDP suddenly swings backwards, like he was stung in the face, and has his defense to Strangler collapse.

“Edwin, what just happened there? What’s wrong with LDP?”

“Well, I couldn’t tell either! Go to the replay!”

At Edwin’s command, a small graphic pops up in the corner of the screen, displaying a replay of the previous ten seconds. As the replay slows down, and zooms in, Edwin lets loose with a gasp, and the fans erupt in a massive chorus of boos directed at Strangler, who is about to tip a recovering LDP.

“Edwin, did Strangler just do what I think he did?”

“That arse! Strangler just….he just SPIT in LDP’s face! That despicable little…”

“Calm down, Edwin! Remember how Riley got in trouble with the sensors the first day?”

“But he SPIT in LDP’s face! That…..no-good tommytruggler!”

“That can’t be good…”

Strangler ignores the boos directed at him from the crowd, and manages to finally turn LDP over, and reverse the Figure Four. LDP begins to scream, and, with his eyes still shut from Strangler’s despicable attack, begins to shoot his hands out randomly, grasping for the ropes. The fans stop booing Strangler, and start up a “GET THE ROPES! GET THE ROPES!” chant instead, trying to encourage LDP to keep on fighting. Strangler, with a look of pure spite for LDP, tries to keep the blindly flailing LDP in check, but struggles against his opponent’s desperation force. LDP reaches out, and somehow manages to find the ropes, locking his hands around the rope like a child that’s found its mother. Strangler lets loose with a few choice four-letter words, causing Edwin to cringe at the sound of them, and then drops LDP’s legs, finally rolling free of the devastating maneuver, which seems to have done a number on both men.

“Strangler and LDP are finally broken free of each other, but those men just went through hell to do damage to their opponent.”

“I just can’t believe what I’m seeing from Strangler….the assaults on X Force Nine, the complete disregard for authority, the spitting, the swearing…..this is truly awful.”

“We can’t always be an accurate judge of character, Edwin…”

Strangler and Pete are both lying on the mat, trying to regain some strength in their legs. The referee pauses for a moment, inspects the damage, and then begins the ten count. The referee’s booming voice manages to penetrate even the “LDP! LDP!” chant that’s started back up as the two men continue to struggle, but have no more success than before. The ref calls out “FOUR!” as LDP finally manages to get on one knee, starting to push himself up. The call of “SIX!” sees LDP start to push himself to his feet, while Strangler is finally resting on his right knee, while heavily favoring his left knee, which is almost dragging behind him like a useless piece of driftwood. LDP gets to his feet soon after the ref hits “SEVEN!”, and watches Strangler intently as the big Bostonian finally pulls himself up, with more than a little help form the ring ropes.

“And both of these men are sore, tired, and stretched to the max already! How can they go any further?”

“Well, we’re gonna figure out real soon who wants this title more! Whoever can go that extra mile, and make that extra sacrifice is gonna be the one walking out of here with the IGNJL Title!”

Strangler and LDP turn to face each other, both with an exhausted, pained look on their faces. However, upon glimpsing the other standing, and looking back at them, the looks of fatigue drain away, and leave nothing but pure adrenaline and determination. LDP and Strangler rush each other, and start throwing wild, heaving punches, much to the delight of the Pittsburgh crowd, who erupt in cheers over the confrontation. Suddenly, Strangler’s knee buckles, and he drops to the mat on one knee, a look of serious fear on his face. LDP smiles, and backs up, watching as Strangler slowly starts to try and get back to an upright position. LDP waits for a moment, and then rushes at Strangler, timing the move perfectly. Just as Strangler starts to straighten up, LDP’s foot goes crashing into the back of Strangler’s skull, sending him crashing face-first into the mat.

“Strangler was just laid out by LDP’s scissors kick! This could be it!”

“LDP going for the cover! There could be a new JL Champion!”

ONE!

TWO!!

TH….

“And Strangler manages to kick out of the pinning attempt! LDP was so close to becoming JL Champion!”

“Well, you know the old saying: When the tough get going, a bird in the bush is worth two stones!”

“I know I’m getting tired when that actually makes sense…”

Strangler rolls off to the side as LDP picks himself up off the mat, with a look of disappointment on his face. He then turns back to Strangler, who is pretty much lying incapacitated on the mat. Every time the exhausted Strangler tries to budge, he can only fall back to the mat, unable to get his injured knee to cooperate. LDP looks at Strangler, and just points to the crowd, triggering a small wave of laughter, followed by a round of applause as LDP makes his way over to Strangler. The referee is still busy looking out over the crowd, wondering why the hell the crowd is laughing, and trying to figure it out. LDP turns to face Strangler, but immediately has his expression change from one of confidence to one of intense, burning pain as Strangler buries his fist in LDP’s crotch with a vicious low blow.

“And Strangler just found a way, however illegal it may be, to even the odds.”

“Now a low blow? Axis, where will Strangler’s madness end?”

Strangler, still on his knees, manages to tilt himself sideways slightly as Pete comes staggering forward, holding his battered groin. Strangler reaches up, and hooks LDP’s leg, placing his body on his shoulders as Strangler slowly draws himself up to a standing position, with his left leg buckling noticeably under the weight. Before Strangler’s leg gives out, he sends LDP driving straight into the mat with a Death Valley Driver. LDP spikes into the mat head-first, and flops, motionless, onto the canvas as Strangler, still favoring his knee, rolls over, and drapes his arm over LDP.

ONE!

TWO!!

THRE….

“And LDP kicks out of the Fade to Black! This match won’t end, Edwin!”

“I’ve got to say, these two men have given it their all tonight! Although Strangler has proved, time and time again, that LDP has more to give, and is willing to give a more genuine effort!”

Strangler slowly pulls himself up, taking his time as the referee gets up and quickly backs out of Strangler’s line of vision, fearing some type of assault, which is fairly common in Strangler’s matches. But Strangler merely ignores the referee, and never takes his eye off of LDP, who is trying to do something, and barely succeeding. Strangler reaches down for the crawling LDP, and tugs his to his feet by the collar of his shirt, which rips slightly under the force of Strangler’s hand. LDP’s face suddenly turns to a ball of fury, and Strangler, who is just about to whip LDP into the ropes, finds himself flying toward the ropes himself as LDP, with a tremendous force, manages to reverse Strangler’s Irish whip. Strangler comes stumbling back toward LDP, running raggedly on his injured ankle, and ends up being hoisted high into the air as LDP gets Strangler up, then drops him onto his shoulder, and slams him into the mat with a vicious military press slam. Strangler falls to the mat, dead still, as LDP, with the fans going crazy, slowly moves over to Strangler, and drapes his arm over him.

“MUSCLEHEAD SLAM! LDP JUST HIT THE MUSCLEHEAD SLAM!”

“The fans are going crazy, and LDP just might have this one, Axis!”

“The ref is in position! Here’s the cover!”

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!

“NO! Strangler kicked out! He kicked out! How the hell did that happen?”

“I don’t know! That belligerent Bostonian has more in him than I thought, Axis!”

LDP gets up, with a look of complete and utter shock on his face. He quickly exchanges words with the referee, who simply holds up two fingers, and then turns back to Strangler, who is still lying on the canvas. LDP pulls Strangler up to his feet, and supports him as Strangler tries his best not to fall over on his injured knee. LDP points to the crowd, and lets loose with a scream of “X FORCE NINE!” before wrapping his arms around the head of Strangler, who is still bent over and disoriented from the Musclehead Slam.

“It might be Clogger time, Edwin! This’d be lights out for Strangler right here!”

LDP prepares to lift Strangler into the air, but Strangler comes to his senses in time, and sends his right fist shooting into the still-sore sternum of Pete. Pete groans, and weakens his grip on Strangler’s head JUST enough for Strangler to wriggle out of it. LDP doubles over, and Strangler sees his opportunity. He grabs ahold of LDP’s neck, and drops him into the same position he was in just a moment ago before he drops LDP straight to the mat, nailing a double-armed DDT of his own.

“How ironic, Axis! You said Strangler was about to go “lights out”, and there, he just hit the Lights Out!”

LDP drops to the mat, and flops onto his back as the once-ecstatic crowd is suddenly deathly silent. Strangler slaps the mat hard, signaling for the referee to come over, and then rolls over onto LDP, hooking the leg.

“Strangler with the pin! This match could be over!”

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE

“NO! LDP refusing to give up as well! How much more punishment can these two men take?”

“I really don’t know anymore, Axis! These men have gone above and beyond what you would expect from any normal human being!”

Strangler gets to his feet, with a look of rage and frustration on his face melding into a look of pure hatred toward Pete. Strangler picks up Pete, who is slightly dazed from the impact of the Lights Out, and whips the Miami native toward the ropes, the look of rage still evident on his face. Pete comes flying back toward Strangler, but manages to dart around Strangler’s side, and ends up behind Strangler, with the bruised Bostonian unable to keep up with LDP. Pete grabs ahold of Strangler’s arm, and brings it through his legs, setting Strangler up in a modified Octopus Stretch. Pete begins to lift Strangler onto his shoulder, but Strangler, wriggling out of LDP’s grasp, ends up directly behind the confused LDP, completing the reversal of fortunes in record time. Strangler grabs ahold of LDP’s hair, and uses it to bring his hair down to his right side, while holding his right arm into the air, drawing nothing but spite from the crowd. Strangler lifts LDP into the air, but only gets him about six inches off the ground before his embattled right knee gives out, thanks to a sharply placed kick by LDP. LDP has a smile on his face as Strangler goes falling backwards, spiking LDP’s head into the mat with the Last Breath, and dropping to the mat in an immense amount of pain.

“LAST BREATH FROM STRANGLER! But he didn’t get his usual height on it, and he’s down on the mat! Can he cover LDP in time?”

“It’s gonna be a race for Strangler! Can he crawl the two or three feet, and make that pin?”

Strangler turns, and sees LDP passed out on the mat, not moving a muscle. Strangler’s look of anguish is partially wiped away with a look of complete and utter resolve, and he starts to crawl towards the downed LDP. It takes him a solid five seconds to reach the downed man, and drapes his arm over LDP’s chest before dropping straight to the mat. The referee drops to the mat, and begins to make the count.

“Strangler made the cover! Can he get the three count?”

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

DING DING DING!

“Your winner, and STILL IGNJL WORLD CHAMPION, the Boston….STRRRRRRRRRRANGLER!”

“He did it! That dirty, cheating son-of-a-bitch somehow managed to pull out this title match!”

“I don’t believe it….Strangler just didn’t deserve it, Axis!”

“That’s the way life is, Edwin.”

Strangler, still draped across LDP, is jerked back to the land of the living by the referee’s hand closing around his fist, and raising it into the air with “Godzilla” blaring in the background. Strangler feels his title belt draped across his shoulder, and he starts to struggle to his feet, with a new sense of energy coming over him. Strangler hobbles up, with his left leg severely limiting his mobility, and raises his belt in the air, drawing a massive round of boos from the crowd. Strangler just grabs ahold of his jacket, and reaches into the pocket, and emerges with his boxcutter. He slowly drags it through the fabric, creating a new tear, and then drops to the mat to roll out of the ring. He stops, looks at LDP, and then sends his title belt crashing into LDP’s defenseless skull, drawing a sickening crunch, before he continues on his way out of the ring, his title still in hand.

“That bloody bastard! He can’t, he WON’T, get away with that!”

“Well Edwin, I’m sure Strangler will have someone else to look out for in the near future! Anyway, that’s the end of tonight’s show! For IGNJL Commissioner Edwin MacPhisto, I’m Axis! Goodnight, and we’ll see you on Metal!”

The show fades to the IGNJL logo with a picture of X Force Nine in the ring, surrounding LDP, who is bleeding from the skull from Strangler’s cheap shot. As all the members of XF9, including the recently-awoken LDP, stare at Strangler, the World Champion simply points at the ring, and then disappears behind the curtain as the screen goes completely black.

February 27, 2002

All right, I'm game. This thread is gonna get really big n' slow really fast, but hey, if that's the case, at least I'll be at the beginning. This is my first ICTV title victory at the Apocalypse PPV, also known as the "Edwin wrote in first-person...hey, wow, this is actually kinda cool." Will I ever do it again? Maybe. It was fun. But in the meantime...

--------------------------

“We’ve had a marvelous show so far, but Apocalypse is in high gear now, as we’ve only got two matches left! A world title showdown still to come, as Chris Wilson and Mark Stevens meet one on one for the first time, with Stevens’ belt on the line! Up next, though, is an ICTV title match, as current champion Axis prepares to make his second defense, this time against Xstasy and Edwin MacPhisto!” Curry Man’s voice rings out over the backstage monitors as all the technicians scramble. “Who’s your pick, NTD?”

“Chris Wilson.”

“…he’s not in the match.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s an evil genius, and he’s gonna win!”

“…all right, then. Moving on, Axis has been a solid champion so far, winning the belt in fine fashion and then plowing through the Silencer in his first defense. He also had a great showing against Chris Wilson in that steel cage on IGNite, and if not for an errant bat shot from world champion Stevens, Axis probably could have pulled out the win.”

“Oh, come off it! Grand Slam cheated, like he always does!” Curry ignores NTD, and rattles on.

“Then there’s Edwin MacPhisto, former UK champion, always a force to be reckoned with, who’s been slumping lately. The Mac Daddy hasn’t picked up a win since before Ground Zero, but he’s been screwed by the IGNWO more times than I can count. You can never count him out, and judging by the way he’s been treated these last few weeks, suffering clusterbump losses to Magnifico and Thugg thanks to wanton interference, you’ve got to believe that Edwin will be bringing his A-game to the ring tonight.”

“Along with a frickin’ panda, probably…”

“The last competitor in this match is probably the one who’s caused the biggest stir recently, and that man is Xstasy. Since the transformation of eXodus the Son back into Xstasy, the Upstart has been more than a thorn in the side of the IGNWO—he’s been a whole rose bush! Back in action with amazing momentum and a huge amount of fan support on his side, the rejuvenated X is going to be hard to stop.”

“Hard to stop nothin’! Rane was running on brilliance when he put this match together—you’ve got two of the IGNWO’s biggest rivals and a strong champion in one ring. With a belt on the line, they’re going to beat the living crap out of each other, and the IGNWO doesn’t have a raise a finger! All three men are gonna be non-factors once this match is done with, and whoever limps out with the belt is just going to be holding it until somebody from the IGNWO can snatch it way! It’s like pretending you love some girl, then getting her to do your laundry—flawless! Everyone’s a winner!” NTD cackles, the lights start to fade, and Curry speaks.

“It looks like we’re about to get underway, this ICTV triple-threat elimination match about to get started!”

With a final glance at the monitor and the darkening arena, I stand up from my seat backstage and stretch. It’s a good night tonight—the Carnival is back at full strength, the IGNWO just might be starting to falter…and my hair looks wonderful.

It’s not often I break out the silver highlights. Pay per view only. But tonight--tonight’s one of those nights! Red hair and puffy like a bunny goatees always work better with a little silver in ‘em, and tonight is no exception. Chances are my entrance is first, as there’s nothing anyone would like better than to start the match off with the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache and watch him take it all the way to the end. Tonight’s my night—I can feel it. Or maybe that’s just the fat pyro tech next to me breathing. The obese do breath rather forcefully, after all.

“The following contest is an elimination match, and it is for the Intercontinental Television Title!” The crowd roars as Funyon lets everyone know just who’s coming—me, myself, and the Mac Daddy, the holy trinity of delight and divinity. There’ll be no oversized pandas tonight—tonight’s a night of focus. And, if I win, exorbitant drinking, but we’ll see about that.

I arrive at the entrance curtain and look around. There’s a countdown clock on a little pedestal—rather, it’s a bit of a computer monitor. Numbers, words, and the key phrase: NEXT ENTRANCE IN 5…

I brace myself…

(4)

Anticipating my music…

(3)

I see a shadow moving…

(2)

A rude figure, shoving a technician out of the way…

(1)

He steps by me, I step forward, and…there’s a gunshot?

“AND IT FEELS RIGHT THIS TIIIIIIIIIIME…”

Oh, bloody hell.

“ON THIS CRASH COURSE WE’RE IN THE BIG TIME…”

I *despise* Metallica.

“PAY NO MIND TO THE DISTANT THUNDER…”

And this, truly, is the last thing I well need right now. Sigh.

“BEAUTY FILLS HIS HEAD WITH WONDER, BOOOOOOOY…”

I hear it over the monitors: “No Leaf Clover” rebounding off the walls, the crowd on its feet with jeers, and Curry Man ranting, raving: “Oh, as if we haven’t seen enough of the IGNWO tonight! I’m really starting to get sick…”

“And I’m just starting to get excited!” The voice of that chirpy, pantsless loon, NTD, ring out over Curry. “Axis, Xstasy, MacPhisto”—my ears perk up at the mention of my name—“all losers!”

Rrrrrr.

“But Spike—now THIS is a crash course for the big time!”

“I hate when you reference entrance music. I really do.”

There’s a little ripple of feedback as Funyon undoubtedly scrambles for his microphone, undoubtedly as thrown off by Spike’s appearance as the rest of us were. If I had my way, Funyon would be introducing Spike as Spikey McLoserton, but ah, no such luck tonight.

“Making his way to ringside, he is a member of the IGNWO—SPIIIIIIIIKE!” I tap my foot anxiously and gaze at the monitors, plugging my ears as Metallica blares on and trying to figure out what Spike’s up to. He walks around the ring, not in, and…takes a seat at the commentary tables?

Oh, wonderful. That’s just what the viewers at home want. A half-educated re-re from New York blubbering on about how unstoppable the IGNWO is. Blah, blah, blah. No time to complain, though—the countdown clock is frozen at 10, ready to start at any moment. It must be my time to shine.

“Spiiiike!” calls NTD, as I wait. “To what do we owe this lovely appearance?”

“Enough brown-nosing, you pantsless freak. I’m here ‘cause I want to be. Simple enough for you?”

“Yes, sir!”

Curry’s voice rises up as the countdown clock starts to drop. “Well, Spike, you certainly do have a vested interest in this match, what with Xstasy and Edwin MacPhisto taking part…wouldn’t you say so?”

“They’re punks. And…uh…I have no idea what you’re talking about…” Spike finishes his oh-so-brilliant statement and I roll my eyes, all while the countdown clock hits zero, the lights drop out, and that sweet music, that beautiful music, my music, kicks up. The fat pyro tech hands me a microphone, and I start to speak, off-the-cuff, on-the-fly, and, as always, brimming with style.

“Good evening, Atlanta, and welcome to the grand circus, the land of flashy wrasslin’, the high domain of the Crown Prince of Flash and Pa-NACHE! For the occasion of this grand PPV, I’ve return a haiku! I do hope you like this—ahem. This is a little song about freedom.

Xstasy can jump

Axis is really quite big

Spike is the most horrible excuse for a booker I’ve ever seen, and good lord, how on earth can we have someone like him in charge here? Really now, how do I appeal this? I’d like to be in charge…no one ever says, ohhhh, Edwin, would yooooou like to be in charge? They say, ohhhh, let’s put Spiiiiike in charge, because he and Rane and the IGNWO are just really great guys, I mean, with all the interference, and the evil, and the…

Oh, I got carried away! Uh…come on down the devil’s in town! There we go!”

Not bad, I think. The lyrics hit, and I’m on my way.

“Entering first, weighing in at 239 pounds, a member of the stables champions Midnight Carnival, the Mac Daddy, the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache—Edwin MacPhistOOOOOO!” That’s what I like to hear—a roar of approval! It’s a casual jog to the ring now, sunglasses here, billowing coat there…in moments I’m ready. I give Spike a glance and then lean back, waiting, getting my moment of rest before I launch into 20 minutes of all-out hell. It’s not long before the lights black out again, and as the opening bars of “Kashmir”—err, “Come With Me,” echo out, the crowd lets loose with an even grander ovation.

Feel the jealousy.

“Entering next, weighing in at 227 pounds, from the Nation’s Capital, X-STA-SEEEEEEEEE!”

I close my eyes, and that blinding flash of pyro can’t touch me. The lights rage on and Xstasy is silhouetted, a microphone on his hand as he waves for his entrance music to stop. The crowd waits with baited breath for the man himself to speak…

“Well, well…it seems the people are rather happy to see us!” The crowd agrees wholeheartedly. “Seems that there a lot of people here tonight, a lot of them interesting in having…” The crowd hangs in anticipation… “X!” Big pop. He gets a huge pop for a single letter—what a guy. “Now, we know that Edwin wants to have X…not like that friend,” he adds with a grin, “and Axis ceeeeertainly wants to have a piece of X…” Another big cheer for Axis… “but what, oh what, is good Mr. Spike doing out here? All the Xssssssstatic fans certainly know that Spike never, ever, eeeeever has X…never will have X…and never shall have X! Instead, he’s going to find himself getting a fine and frothy beatdown because, plain and simple, all night long, all right now, Xstasy is gonna move through the crowd and give Spike a nice large womp on the head!” The crowd roars, and X throws down the mic, running to the ring as “Nobody Like You” kicks up.

The crowd lets loose with another sizable pop as Axis’ theme starts to flutter out through the PA. X and I share a handshake, then a nod, as if we both think, “Hey, Axis is coming out!”, as if it weren’t obvious enough from the get-go. Sure enough, the monster of a man from Adelaide comes out, all business, no chatter, and sheer presence as he walks down that ramp. I admit, this is going to be quite the ordeal…

“And entering third, from Adelaide, Australia, weighing in at 301 pounds, he is the ICTV champion…AAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS!” Axis climbs into the ring, steps over the top rope, and I’m sure he did that just to psych us out.

Guess what? It worked.

He hands his belt to the referee, and a few seconds later, it’s like a scene out of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly—we’re a triangle that’s about to explode. I can hear scattered chunks of commentary from the local mic system that Curry’s been fiddling with, and it looks like it’s official:

“—match is on!”

DING!

With a ring of the bell, the show begins, and it’s clear that X and I have similar ideas here. Bolting forward and converging in, we push up to Axis and throw our body weight into him, 460 divided pounds being juuuuust enough to shove 300 unified back into the ropes.

“—strategy, eliminate the big man first and take it where both of these guys are more capable.” Curry’s words drift through my head, and Spike’s bitter timbre comes up beside it.

“It doesn’t matter—all I can tell you is that these three guys are in for a long haul.” His laugh is just plain ugly. In more important matters, now that X and I have gotten Axis to the ropes, I, at least, have no idea what to do with him. Hesitation lingers, and Axis takes advantage, shoving X and I backwards and down to our rears, one thick hand for each man.

“Amazing strength from Axis, who, next to Grand Slam, is probably the most impressive big man in the fed,” praises Curry, and I push myself up off the mat, feeling a bit sullied, feeling a lot of bravado, and feeling a little stupid as I charge forward once more, only to be stiff-armed by Axis and leveled with a thick right hand. He shoots out another one and doubles me over, and, like clockwork, steps over and locks me into a standing headscissors!

Whoa, there. Back the bloody hell up. In between a man’s legs is probably one of the last places I’d like to be, and not just for the usual reasons. With a quick backwards jerk, I manage to slip out and scurry backwards.

“MacPhisto came that close to taking a Factor Bomb, and early on too! He’s got to be careful!”

“Careful…heh. Careful’s not going to help any of these guys,” sneers Spike. This time it’s X’s chance to charge in with the attack, and he fares better, feinting a spear and instead rising up to land a flying kick right across Axis’ chest. X lands and spins as Axis reels, and as his head comes back around, Xstasy shoots his palm upward, right into the underside of Axis’ chin! The Upstart Slap catches Axis off-guard, and X grabs the back of his shirt and then shoves forward, sending Axis stumbling towards me.

Why, thanks, X. Remind me to cross you off the Christmas card list. Acting more than thinking, I throw out a knee into Axis’ gut, doubling him over into an accessible position. His head ducked at my side, I make the logical decision to slap on a headlock, take a step or two, and leap out, twisting, dropping, and, oh dear, sailing outwards as Axis snags me in mid-air, surges forward, up, and sits out—CRUNCH. A vertebrae or two pops, and I take a mental note to never again try the Midnight Special on someone who’s big, scary, and likely to reverse it into a wicked powerbomb variant. The impact leaves me dazed and Axis holds on for a pin.

“ONE!” Better kick out.

“TW--” And I do, getting out fairly easily. As Axis starts to let off the pinning pressure, his head rocks forward, coming dangerously close to my own, and I look up to see X standing behind him.

“Solid kick to the head from X, catching Axis off-guard! That’s the only way these two speedier, smaller man are going to be able to deal with Axis!” shouts Curry. Axis rubs his head, pulls back, and turns to face X, and takes another sharp kick to the jaw for his troubles. He powers through it, however, and catches the next incoming kick as he rises. Xstasy’s usually carefree face goes a little pale as Axis jerks him close with his left hand and punches hard with his right, bringing fist to X and vice versa and snapping him down and off his feet. Still grasping the one arm, Axis drops to one knee and takes a position next to X, pulling the arm over the Perfect Drug’s back and twisting it into a textbook armbar! X grits his teeth as Axis wears him down, and rising, I figure, what the hell? Might as well give a little endeavor a try. I step towards Axis’ back and snag his shoulder, quickly pulling backwards and grinding my knee into his back in the best variation of the First Circle I can muster at this point.

“Stacked submissions!” shouts Curry. “We could have two tap-outs right--” and he stops talking as Axis releases the submission on X to spin around and slap me off like some big, gawky, British fly.

“Oo-oo-oo, stacked submiiiissions!” giggles NTD, doing his best “I’m a Stupid Curry Man” impression. Curry just sulks, Spike gives a little chuckle, and while all this goes on Axis snags my reeling form between the legs with a pumphandle hold. I long to be strong as he hefts me up over his head, behind his neck, and falls back, crushing me in a nasty fashion, and rolling over into a lateral press.

“Wicked fallaway slam—ONE, T—MacPhisto kicks out!” The crowd pops as I escape, but really, I ought to tell them sometime—save those cheers for later. A kick-out 3, 4 minutes into a match isn’t exactly that momentous. People these days—eh, well. Axis pauses in a kneel for a second, probably thinking of yet another way to brutally manhandle me, and then starts to drag me up off the mat. I lash out with an elbow and stall him for a second, which leaves enough for X to sneak in and catch Axis with an inverted facelock! With a hop and the finesse of 20 ballerina gazelles, X kicks off the big man’s back, backflips, and drives him down with a stiff DDT!

“X DDT, X-actly what the doctor ordered!” calls Curry.

“You can NOT complain about me bogarting entrance music lyrics when you kipe catchphrases!”

“And you both can’t do any of the things I can! I have so much beautiful money and power!”

Curry and NTD stare at Spike. “Oh, screw off, you two.” I stand in the ring as X starts to brush himself off and pull Axis up by the back of the neck. Although X did just give me a nice helping hand there, I’m done with Axis for now. No more big smashing ouchies for Edwin.

Sorry, X.

While he’s occupied, I burst forward and spear his legs out from under him, driving him into the mat quickly. A few boos ring out from the devoted X-aholics, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Xstasy quickly shoves me back off and rolls away in a backwards evasion, rising to his feet and turning to face me. As he comes around, I hop forward and launch out my right leg, broadsiding X with the calf and pasting him down with an Edwin MacPhisto Patented Springing Sidekick!

Well, actually, I don’t reeeeeeally have a patent. But it’d be awfully nice if I did!

I dart in to hook X’s leg, but find myself stopped, perhaps by some invisible wall, perhaps by an evil team of magnet-people, but I soon realize that, in my enthusiasm, I forgot about the large man behind me that I was trying to avoid in the first place.

One full nelson slam later, and I’m truly going to have quite the difficult time sitting down tomorrow.

Axis pulls me right back up (no rest for the wicked, or at least WICKEDLY SUAVE!) into a rear waistlock, and before I can try to reverse out, he throws me back with an awfully extended German suplex, smashing down on my lower back once more. This one’s held into a bridge, and it’s pure luck that I manage to roll backwards at the precise moment he weakens his grip, breaking the hold before the ref can even count one.

“You know,” ponders Spike, “I might actually be pulling for Axis here. He’s a big idiot, yeah, but he ain’t MacPhisto, and he ain’t Xstash**, and he’s doing a real nice job of hurting them both.” X is up now, and I realize that kicking him was probably a bad idea, seeing as he’s heading towards me rather fast-like. He’s moving like a bat out of hell, or D.C., at least, and he darts in, springing towards me in a spear. Half off-balance, I step to the left, brace on the ropes with my left, catch a front face lock with my right, and fall through, DDTing X into the mat, much to the chagrin of the screaming ladies in the crowd!

We can’t all be Rastafarian sex gods, ladies. I’m very sorry. X and I are both down as Axis rises and pulls me away, yanking me over X’s body and whipping me across the ring. As I near the ropes, I hear the big Australian’s thundering, Paul Hogan-esque steps crashing down behind me. A few feet from the ropes, I leap, and I hear those steps skid to a stop as I hit the second rope, kick back, and spin, coming around 180 degrees and drilling my pursuer in the chest with a springboard dropkick!

Pwa ha! The momentum is mi-yine!

“Great counter from MacPhisto—but here comes X!” Before I can cover Axis, X is upon me with a series of ridge hand chops, tearing into my chest and adding another body part to the list of “Places That Edwin Will Be Sore In The Morning.” I’ve already got a nicely worked back, bottom and chest—hell, get rid of my arms and we’ll have a bloody full house. At five chops, X draws back, then flies forward again and changes up the plan, unloading jab after jab into my chest, the crowd getting more fired up with every impact. “Chops, punches, kicks—is there anything Xstasy doesn’t know how to do?”

“Win a god-damned match…little bastard…” simmers Spike. The punches are wearing me down, and I find myself unable to move out of the way. I try to feint right, but X just catches me with a harder punch, which, coupled with my movement, is plenty to throw me off balance. I spill to the ground, hoping that he’s not going to try and pin me. Thankfully, Axis is up and moving for X now, so from the ground I catch my breath and watch the engagement. With the way X has been acting lately, it really seems like I’m watching David and Goliath, or at least Billy and Gigantor, the lesser-known fable about, well, Billy and Gigantor. He’s fired up though, that’s for sure—he moves towards Axis as if he’s the bigger man. Carrying himself capably, X moves for Axis, fires off a kick, but soon finds himself swept into the big man’s grasp and wrenched up into a high military press.

“—X is up high--”

“—and about to come down hard!” cackles NTD! “Uh, but Axis sucks too. Yes.” Having covered all the bases, NTD watches as Axis starts to drop X out of the press, but X actually rolls off of Axis’ hands! The crowd gasps and he somehow finds enough leverage in Axis’ two palms to log roll over his back, twist, and land flawlessly on his feet!

“I hate that little Upstart…” mumbles Spike, and Axis turns, eyes wide in shock as X leaps a foot into the air with his arms out, grabs the back of Axis’ head, and brings the big man’s face rocketing down towards a rising knee!

WHAM! Lordy, even from over in the corner, I could hear that! X raises his arms in triumph as Axis topples, and the crowd goes absolutely berserk.

“Knee smash facebuster, and that can mean only one thing!”

“Xstasy sucks?”

“Not quite, NTD—Soargasm!” The crowd knows it, X knows, and I know it, but Axis certainly doesn’t as he’s still writhing from the facebuster. X rounds half of the ring and moves for the closest turnbuckle, but en route, he spies Spike sitting at the announce table, grimacing. With the wide grin of a kid who can’t resist, X walks to the ring ropes, leans over, and puts his hand to his ear, pinky and thumb outstretched as if talking into a phone. He mouths “Call us, sweetness!” to Spike, blows a little kiss, and the crowd bursts into laughter as Spike fumes! His grin even wider than usual, X quickly ascends the nearby turnbuckle and starts to tear off his shirt as flashbulbs pop and ladies delight. Axis is stirring, and meanwhile, I’m playing gimpy. This is an elimination match, after all, so if X takes out Axis—fine by yours truly! Me, myself, and the Mac Daddy are alllll getting a much-needed little bit of rest and watching this all unfold like some grand Greek drama, albeit one with sweaty men and ring ropes.

It’s good to be the king, I think, as I mock-struggle to pull myself up on the ropes, at least making an effort to look like I’m not sitting on my arse and resting. X is climbing and Axis is rising, but I catch a look of readiness in Axis that signals that this might not go exactly as planned. That’s X’s problem—a wonderful chap, but a bit too cocky, a bit too eager to please when he could get the quick cover instead.

He reminds me of me.

X moonsaults backwards, but like I had guessed, Axis is more than ready. He snags X in mid-air and falls forward, crushing him right back towards the turnbuckle and down to the mat with a vicious powerslam! “X just blew his Soargasm! Ha!” shouts NTD. Spike just smiles delightedly, and Axis gets a solid pop for the impressive reversal. He goes for the cover, but the still-able X gets an arm on the ropes before the ref can do anything. I’ve been down for a minute now. Time to re-enter the picture.

Charging in, I question the logic of assaulting Axis again, but eh, well, I was getting bored anyway. As he pulls X back up to his feet, I catch him in a rear waistlock. He drops X, and I now realize that there’s no bloody way I’m suplexing a 300-pounder. Axis pushes back, reaching with his arms, and I adapt, ducking to the left to release the waistlock and instead take his left arm with my right. The ropes are close, and before Axis can untie himself, I bolt, hop, and bounce off and out, sailing at about head-level to Axis, wrenching his arm along with me and toppling him to the ground! As soon as I land, I yank the arm across his chest and finish the La Magistral cradle.

“Gangstah Wrap!”

“What a moron,” snaps Spike. “He can’t beat a big man with that.”

“He stopped Reason with it…”

“And Harbinger was just a worthless, cheap jobber. God, Malignant Odium…” Spike shudders, and the ref’s count reaches two before Axis powers out and shoves me aside. I pull him back to his feet, but X leaps in and kicks out my arm, breaking my grip, blowing me backwards and charging in pursuit! I stumble against the ropes and X takes my arms, leaps, and throws his legs out with a pump, aiming for my chest with a jujutsu dropkick. Fortunately, I’ve taken this move a lot of times—from eXodus, granted, but really, it’s the same thing—and so I break my right arm free and jerk my head backward, wrapping up X’s legs and keeping my face safe as I twist off my other arm and level him face first with a front drop. To cover would be idiocy, as an angry Axis is lunging in, so I dive to the side and let the big man eat rope. The crowd cheers—that’s one nice thing about being in a match with three faces. All cheers, all the time!

I dart forward and decide to try something for the second time—with a yank, I free Axis’ head from ropes, snag him and drag him away as X crawls to shelter, and leap forward, twisting, sitting out, and driving Axis’ face down over my knees! “MacPhisto got the Midnight Special! Axis took a big blow to the head there—this could be over!”

I hope so.

“ONE!

TWO!—Axis kicks out! It’s going to take a lot to put that big man down tonight! He worked hard for that title, and it’s not going to slip out of his grasp so easily.” I feel like crying, at least metaphysically. At least Axis is still dizzy—I start to drag him up, but catch a glimpse of coming up behind me, thanks to the ApocalypseTron hanging above the PPV set. God bless video. Dropping Axis, I spin and launch a roundhouse kick towards X, but he catches my leg, stops it inches from his face, and then lashes out with his own right foot, hitting me once in the gut with a snap kick, then a second time, doubling me over and leaving me open to be whipped.

Not like THAT. To the ropes, silly. I’ve been good with the ropes today—you’d think these guys would stop whipping me soon, but I won’t complain. More fun, more flash for me. Once again, I find enough time and balance to leap towards the ropes like so many jet-powered swans, hit the second rope and turn, this time launching out my right palm, looking for X…

…and he ducks! “Xstasy dodges the Star Wipe—Axis is back up—too much at once!” Curry’s brain overloads and Spike mumbles something along the lines of ‘worthless spicy re-re.” I hit the ground running and come back towards X, charging with a clothesline, but X handsprings backwards, drawing a huge cheer! As I start to run towards him again, he hits the ropes, bounces off and suddenly sails towards me, flipping in a crazy handspring and, in mid-air, snagging my jaw with face-lock!

WHAM! The torque is like madness and the impact is shocking as the Xception hits me, full force! “XCEPTION, out of NOWHERE! Xcept no substitutes!” shouts Curry! What I can hear of the crowd as my eardrums ring is utter insanity—I’ve never heard an arena this loud, not even when I saw the Sex Pistols beat up Engelbert Humperdink. My head spinning, I see X lunging to cover me, but go sailing back, flying out of my vision as Axis snags him from behind, knees him in the got, and locks the standing headscissors! The crowd gasps and roars as Axis gutwrenches X up, throws his flailing form out, and lands the ultimate facebuster to complete the Factor Bomb!

“X has gotta be out of this! He’s--” and Curry’s headset cuts out as Spike leaps OVER the announce table, hops onto the apron, and starts screaming for the ref! Axis hooks the leg while the referee runs to tell off Spike, and the crowd boos are deafening.

He’s smart, I think. He doesn’t want X to win, but the longer he has to fight, the weaker and more damaged he’s going to be. Not nice, not nice at all. I still can barely move, and neither can X. “Spike’s keeping this match going!” cries Curry, despondent to the max as Axis leaves X’s side and stalks for the ropes. I grin as he shoves the referee out of the ring and suddenly grabs Spike by the hair, pulling him up, shouting something at him. Spike’s face goes absolutely white, and little greasy hairs come out all over Axis’ fingers. I’m starting to move again, and X is too. I’m to one knee—now he is—and as we both rise, we nod, and for a moment find ourselves on the same page.

Breaking into a run and blitzing forward, we launch ourselves across the ring. Axis releases the greasy mane and spins, but we bolt right past him to the real target.

“—THROUGH THE ROPES! XSTASY AND MACPHISTO JUST SPEARED SPIKE THROUGH THE ROPES!” Curry gets his headset working again, evidently, as we former poker buddies crash through and level Spike to the outside, crippling the common enemy. Spike’s blown back far, and he skids next to the announce table, where NTD pokes him, checking for life. Satisfied, I head back towards the ring, looking to get away as quickly as possible. X follows, Axis waits, and behind me, I hear a muttered voice.

“Give me the damn chair…”

“What?” NTD protests, and I turn to see Spike hurling the announcer backwards, grabbing his chair, and without even folding it, swinging it around and driving HARD into the back of X!

“Spike, what the HELL are you--” The former world champ stares daggers at Curry, and the Spicy One whispers. “This is getting out of control.” I’m in shock on the apron, and X is crumpled—but Axis is more concerned with keeping that belt. Or, at least, I’m guessing that’s his intention when he lifts me over the ropes and drives me down over his knee with a savage backbreaker. We’re engaged, and Spike is ranting:

“GET OVER HERE AND F’IN COUNT!” He shouts at the referee and starts to fold the chair up… “GET OVER HERE AND COUNT THIS LITTLE BASTARD OUT!” The ref hesitates. “NOW!” Fearing for his job, the ref, raises his hand and shouts:

“One.”

WHAM! Spike brings the steel chair down over X’s back for a second time, leveling the Upstart as he tries to get back to his feet.

“Two.”

WHAM! Another shot! “Oh…Jesus…” Curry’s about to lose his lunch and maybe his whole stomach lining.

“Three.”

CRUNCH. Axis and I are exchanging punches, but no one’s watching that. Honestly, I’m not even watching. We’re in a holding pattern. I’m in disbelief.

“Four.” Another.

“Five.” Another.

“Six.” Something pops.

“Sev…seven…” The referee turns away, gagging.

“Ei…ei…”

“COUNT!”

“Eight…”

…

“Nine.”

Jesus.

“T-ten…”

The bell rings. Thank god it’s over.

“The…the first man eliminated, as the result of a count-out. Xst—Xstasy.” Spike throws the chair down. He walks back to his seat. He puts on a headset.

“Exciting match. Don’t you think?” Curry is silent, and Spike just cackles. It’s down to me and Axis, but my mind’s not in this place. His isn’t either, I don’t think, but he’s got a title to defend, and defend it he will. The medics come running out, scorching to ringside, scrambling for X, who might not be moving. I can’t see, and Axis takes me up into a gorilla press, ensuring that I won’t see for a while. I find myself falling, down, down, unable to reverse out, and he takes me straight into an armbar. The ref slides over, and I hold on—this isn’t a dangerous submission, but it’ll hamper me if I can’t get away. My body aches from the press slam, and I’m rolling towards the ropes, trying to get away, catching a glimpse of the medics lifting X, picking him up, running down a stretcher…

…and he moves. My right arm lashes, caught, but my left is inches from the ropes. Outside the ring, the crowd starts to murmur as X rolls off the stretcher, braced by the disbelieving medics as he leans towards the announce table, staring at Spike through cloudy eyes.

“Pink…pa..pa…paisley BIATCH!” A huge cheer of “X-STA-SEE! X-STA-SEE!” rips through the crowd, and with a twist of his neck, X opens his mouth and spits a spray of coughed-up blood all over Spike’s shirt and white gold necklace! With a tremendous smile and a pump of his fist, X stumbles into the grasp of the medics and security personnel, who quickly speed him away from ringside! Spike just stares out, in total disbelief.

The crowd explodes as X pumps his fist again on the entrance, or in this case, exit ramp, and I surge forward towards the ropes, getting the break as the relieved referee forces Axis off. The big man takes me into a front headlock and we lock up—it’s like an elephant versus a coyote here, and I’m certainly not the kind of man to wear ivory.

“You…you all right there, Spike?” says Curry, with a repressed chuckle.

“Shut up, or I’ll fire you.” Curry chuckles, and even NTD, standing now, can’t help but chuckle.

“Nice necklace, Spi--”

“I’ve got enough sway around here to make you wear pants, you little piece of….” NTD is silent, veeeeeery quickly. There’s a man who sticks to his principles. Back in the ring, Axis overpowers me, and shoves me down. He wrenches me up and once again goes for the standing headscissors, but this time I push back on his knees, thwarting the Factor Bomb but leaving me wide open for a strong surging clothesline. I feel a little like Mary Poppins, albeit more rugged and charming, as I flip head over heels, land smack and my back, and find my leg hooked.

ONE!

TWO—and I get a shoulder up. Thank god. If I’d lost to a clothesline, I might have cried. “With Xstasy out of this match,” comments Curry, “the already tiring MacPhisto’s going to have to deal with Axis one on one.” Axis isn’t finished—I try to throw out my palm, try to land a strike, but he just catches the hand, drags me in, and wraps me up quickly into a full nelson. I stomp back on his ankle, trying to break, and I stall him for a second, but in moments, he’s got the hold fully realized. I swallow, and the crowd cheers as he rocks me backward and over, jarring my neck in a very uncomfortable way with a dragon suplex from the…

“—very depths of Hell!” Curry really loves that metaphor…unnh.

ONE!

TWO!

THRRR—and I kick out, barely. Not much left in me. Axis pulls me up and I scamper for the ropes, looking for safety, looking for something.

“MacPhisto’s on the run now…this doesn’t look good for the Mac Daddy.”

“Maybe a big manatee will fall on both of them.”

“Maybe you’ll stop talking.”

“I can’t believe that little...ugh…got blood on my necklace…this is…this is worth more than your life, Nathaniel!” As Spike rants, Axis pursues, and I find myself cornered. He pulls me out and takes me into a front face lock, wrenching me high up into a vertical suplex.

Wait a second, I think, dizzy. I do these. I know how to get out of these.

Entirely inverted, I rock my legs backward just as Axis starts to bend me forward in a falcon arrow. The shift in weight throws him off balance and lets me flop forward, over his head, throwing out my arm, orbiting around his…heh…axis, as I fall, and wrenching him down with a spinning neckbreaker! “MacPhisto gets out of the falcon arrow with a great neckbreaker reversal! The momentum has--” Curry cuts himself as Axis springs right back to his feet, causing me to drop my jaw and, for the second time tonight, nearly burst into little Mac Daddy tears. He steps forward and throws out his leg, leveling my shocked form with a big boot to the gut. He steps over my head…

…and how many times do I have to tell you? No bloody headscissors! I shoot throw Axis’ loose legs before he can heft me up, and as he spins to face me, I find myself drawing back my arm, purely on instinct, and rocketing it forward!

WHAM!

“MacPhisto, with another reversal, taking the Factor Bomb into a shotei! His speed’s the only thing keeping him alive!” Curry talks, and Spike stares straight ahead.

“I need to hurt someone.” He looks at his necklace. “If I can’t have X ended—I’ll take the next best thing.”

“What the hell are you—another shotei!” I pump a second into Axis’ chest, and he staggers a bit. He lunges forward, and I rear back and launch a third, this time adding a little pelvic thrust, because that’s got to help somehow…he keeps coming! I fire off one more shotei, making four direct hits! The fourth clocks Axis in the chest, wobbles him back…

…and he storms forward.

I panic.

I hobble backwards, and my left leg starts to wobble as I lose my balance. Wobbling, I throw it forward, find myself falling, and in a split-second, launch the right up too.

WH-WHAM! And I stare in shock as I hear the double-connection, then watch the crowd, the mat, and Axis’ falling form come into my vision, as I land, kneeling, hearing a huge roar coming from the crowd.

Jesus, Mary, and Martha Stewart! Did I just do a whipback kick?

“Sweet god! Where did MacPhisto learn to pull off a whipback kick?”

Hey, guess so!

My head spins and I look down. Axis lays, stirring a bit, a big wince overtaking his broad jawline. The crowd is roaring, and this is what I live for—sensory overload at its finest, a concoction of cheers, excitement, adrenaline, the quintessence of…

In two seconds my head is clear, and I find myself climbing the turnbuckle closet to the announce table. I don’t remember moving there, but now I’m climbing, moving higher, to the top rope, looking out towards the crowd, staring proudly into a row of sparkling flashbulbs. The sound and images spill over into one great mess inside my head--I’ve never heard cheers louder, not even that time I sang “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?” at the karaoke bar in Kyoto.

I know what I must do.

I must jump off this turnbuckle.

And I must look incredibly cool doing it.

“—ike, where the hell are you--”

“—care of business--”

Snippets of voices snap over the crowd—I glance towards Axis, see him still down, prepare to leap, but in the corner of my eye I see a glint of gold, a shine of slicked hair, moving quickly, as a wedge of boos starts to drive its way through the mass of deeeelighted cheers.

Note to those who wish to surprise me: I was blessed with the peripheral vision of the Gods.

Something wraps around my left ankle.

Bad move, Spike.

With a quick twist, I turn away from the offending hand, throw out my arms like a tightrope walker on amphetamines, and thrust my right foot backward. I feel reverb rocking through my leg as the foot connects, hear a satisfying crack, and as I spin back, hear the even-more-satisfying thump that can only arise from flesh hitting floor. A groan arcs up off the floor, but it’s no competition for the renewed roar of the crowd.

“—down, Spike is down! Axis is still out!”

“-up, Spike, get up get up get up get up--”

This has all taken roughly 5, perhaps 6 seconds. I can feel the ludicrous grin pasted across my face, and I can see that Axis is still down.

I love being a wrestler.

In an instant, I push off the turnbuckle, and sail out sidefirst, flipping head over heels, corkscrewing slightly, and like a big, bright pendulum cut loose, drift down towards Axis, elbow and back leading…

…and I connect!

“Twisting Elbow Press! Twisting Elbow Press! It really DOES look cool!”

“—on Spike, get up get up get up--”

I bounce off of Axis and note that, for all his bulk and stoicity, he feels rather like a big Australian pillow. In a split-second, the thought vanishes, I come to a stop, and I immediately skitter back towards the champion, dropping into a roll for a few extra style points and snagging his leg on the way back up. I pull more tightly than a hyperactive octopus, and I feel the presence of another person as a white-and-blacked striped fellow darts down next to me.

“NEW CHAMPION, NEW CHAMPION!”

“ONE!” No resistance.

“TWO!” A little struggle…

“THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” I spring backwards as Axis pushes with the last of his strength, but his efforts are in vain. Too little, too late. Axis curls up, and I sit, legs outstretched, hair dye mingling with sweat, a wide-mouthed grin across an ecstatic face. The referee raises my hand.

I did it.

“YOUR WINNER, AND NEW INTERCONTINENTAL TELEVISION CHAMPION—EDWIN MACPHIIIISTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The roof is torn off the proverbial suckah, the crowd shouting and cheering with a volume that’d put Spinal Tap to shame.

I love the smell of title belt in the morning.

“--shoteis, a whipback kick, and a twisting elbow press later, we have a new champion! The ICTV title has come back to the Carnival!”

“I hate Carnies…” I can’t help but grin as I stand in the ring, rocking out as “Battleflag” pumps and the title belt glimmers above my head. This is the epitome, the heart of the show—the heart of flash and panache. Unless Raynor was out here in a bear suit, this couldn’t get any better. The cheers are overpowering, and I finally feel like I’ve broken out of my slump. I’ve taken the IGNWO to task. What could possibly go wrong?

In a split second, I feel a sharp pain in my back, hear a roar of boos, and stiffen as an arm slaps across my shoulders. The world is a blur of noise and shock as I’m whirled about, spinning, soaring, crashing, down. I realize what’s happened as my fingers loosen and the title belt sails from my hands. Pain is more than a word here—it’s a state of being.

“—IS WRONG! 360 SPIKER! 360 SPIKER! For god’s sakes, Spike wasn’t even supposed to be down here!” What happens in what order is all a blur, but one thing’s for sure—I’m going to feel this in the morning.

There’s a wisp of hot breath over my ear, a spattering of spit, and some whispered words:

“Don’t **** with the IGNWO…”

I float into blackness. Boos, “No Leaf Clover,” and heavy breathing clatter together, meshing, merging, and pulsing like a drumbeat through my drifting state of consciousness, where they charge smack into one prevailing, dominating thought:

Bad move, Edwin.

--------------------------

Ta-da! And that's probably my greatest match. Though my Flaming Tables duel with Spark from the ML is a very, very close second.

February 27, 2002

Well the best match I've written is kinda hard because I was part of a tag team nearly my entire time in the IGNWF. My last couple of match vs like Fallout and Sacred were pretty good I think but the match I'm most proud of I had a lot of help on. The Stables match at 13th Hour is by far the best match I've ever been a part of. It's very hard to get four poeple with differing writing styles and shedules to work together on one match and still have it flow but I think Fallout GOdrea Angelous and myslef did pretty damn well. Anyway heres a link to the 13th Hour ppv. Our was the main event. OAT and Fallout really took care of the meat of the match in the middle while Angelous did much of the ending including Fallout getting the title (and he came with a pretty creative idea to do it to) while I did the intro the beginging of the match the outro and basiclly put togther everybodys peices so it made sense. This was Prime Evil at it's best (besides any of Madracs promos).

February 27, 2002

Well, my best match was probibly Erek Taylor vs. Matt Myers in a steel cage match, but it's probibly lost in the rubbles of the old IGNWF Board. It might be on my computer, I'll edit the thread if I can find it...oh, and also there's a match that I wrote (Butlost, but still, my best work!) for the Tag/Stable Titles In which it was Brimstone (Wherever the hell he is now) and Xero going against me, Jack The Ripper, Holocaust and Scott Cade (Whatever happened to Holocaust and Cade? Bleh...)

February 28, 2002

I'm thinking my best work is yet to come... Heh heh heh.

But seeing as I can't get to any of my old matches... I don't have much to contribute anyway.

February 28, 2002

This is a non title match against Heat from when I was JL Champ. I still think it's my best.

Non-Title Hardcore Match

Grunge vs. Heat

By: Grunge

Curry: And we're back on IGNJL Metal! We've had a great night so far, and we're showing no signs of slowing down!

NTD: It's time for our main event folks, and what a match this should be!

Curry: Two men who have collided many times over the past month, Grunge and Heat, are going to settle this with a Hardcore Match!

NTD: Grunge is a Hardcore style wrestler, but Heat recently stated that he can't stand Hardcore matches.

Curry: But Heat doesn't have a choice. This match seems to be in favor of Grunge, it's Hardcore and it's non-title, so Grunge has nothing to lose.

NTD: Except his health.

Curry: We're going to take a look back at the history between these two men, starting with a submission match for the Anarchy Rules Title. Roll the clip...

We see highlights of the match, capped off with Heat locked in The Noose and passing out, losing his Anarchy Rules Title. This is followed by highlights of their other encounters, including the two tag matches and the Four-Way Ladder Match.

Curry: Another chapter in the Grunge-Heat chronicles is about to occur, this time in a Hardcore Match.

The lights dim as "Turn up... the HEAT!" is yelled over the PA System and "Hot to Death" without the lyrics, picks up over the speakers. The word, 'Heat' flashes on the IGNTron screen in red as Heat walks out on the stage. The word stops flashing and burst into flame as a fiery red light shines up from under him, lighting up his entire body. The lights begin to flash as clips of Heat’s high spots show over the IGNTron while he makes his way down the ramp. Heat arrives at the ring, where he climbs up on the apron and steps over the second rope, entering the ring. Heat raises both of his arms up to the crowd as the lights resume their normal brightness.

Funyon: The following contest is a Hardcore Rules matchup and is scheduled for one-fall! Introducing first, from Syracuse, New York weighing in at 220 pounds, Heat!

Curry: Heat said that he was going to prove himself to the fans, and he has certainly done that.

NTD: I've proved myself... in bed.

A low beating noise is heard, like a heartbeat. The arena is completely dark and the Anarchy symbol is flashing on and off on the IGNTron. After a while the beating stops and blue lights flash, lighting the arena. Pyros explode at the bottom of the entrance ramp. The explosions move up to the top of the ramp. A gigantic explosion of fire on the sides of the stage occurs. "Killing the Fly" by The Union Underground hits as blue lights flash in the dark arena. Grunge walks out onto the entrance ramp to a chorus of boos, where the fire on the sides is still burning. He has his title belt draped across his shoulder. Grunge pauses, looking down the whole time. He heads down the ramp slowly, ignoring the boos and insults from the crowd. Grunge hops up onto the apron. On the apron, he gazes out at the crowd. He throws his arms up into the air, letting out a battle cry heard through the arena.

Funyon: And his opponent, from Seattle, Washington weighing in at 240 pounds, he is the IGNJL World Champion, Grunge!

Curry: He is the IGNJL World Champion and one of the top wrestlers here.

NTD: But he cheated to win that title. In this match, he can cheat all he wants, because anything goes.

Grunge steps into the ring. He stares down his opponent for tonight. Grunge hands Funyon his title, still staring down Heat. Funyon steps out of the ring and the referee calls for the bell.

**DING DING DING**

The opening bell rings as the two wrestlers begin to circle one another. Heat makes the first move, darting forward. Grunge sidesteps and takes Heat down with a drop toe hold. Heat quickly gets back to his feet and begins to hit the champion with right hands to the face. Heat sends Grunge into the ropes with an Irish Whip. Grunge bounces off the ropes and Heat drops down to the mat. Grunge hops over Heat and heads into the ropes again. Heat bends down for a back body drop but Grunge kicks him square in the face. Heat stands dazed but not for long as Grugne floors the smaller man with a clothesline. Heat quickly gets two his feet but takes another clothesline from Grunge. Heat tries to get back up but Grunge kicks him in the ribs before he can get all the way to his feet. Grunge grabs Heat by the leg but Heat rolls over and kicks Grunge in the face with his free leg. Heat returns to his feet. He kicks Grunge in the midsection. Heat tries to DDT Grunge but Grunge punches Heat in the ribs. Grunge wraps his arms around the waist of Heat. He lifts Heat up with a Bearhug and with a great showing of power, Grunge throws Heat to the mat with an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex.

Curry: Nice Suplex knocking the wind out of Heat!

Grunge slides under the bottom rope. He grabs a steel chair and slides back into the ring. In the ring, Grunge waits for Heat to get back up. Heat slowly does. He turns around and narrowly escapes a chair shot from Grunge by ducking. Heat kicks Grunge in the midsection causing Grunge to drop the chair. Heat gets Grunge in a front facelock. He lifts Grunge into the air and drops him with a Vertical Suplex, Grunge's back smacking against the cold steel of the chair. Heat floats over for a cover but Grunge is able to kick out after two. Heat pulls Grunge back up. He throws Grunge into the corner. In the corner, Heat kicks Grunge in the midsection numerous times. Grunge drops more and more after each kick, eventually resting his head on the second pad. Heat throws his hands up into the air and hits Grunge in the face with a final kick, the smack echoing in the arena.

NTD: Heat stomped a mudhole in his ass!

Heat picks up the steel chair. He slams it to the ground a few times, signaling for a swing. Heat winds back and tries to hit the downed Grunge with the chair but Grunge rolls out of the way and Heat hits the turnbuckle pad. Grunge kicks Heat in the knee, knocking him down. Grunge picks up the steel chair and jabs it into the knee of Heat, causing Heat to cry out in pain. Grunge climbs up to the second rope. He is still holding the steel chair in his hands. Grunge jumps off and once again slams the chair into the knee of Heat with a sickening crack. Grunge makes the cover but Heat somehow kicks out. Grunge picks the chair up again. He tries to hit Heat with another shot but Heat rolls out of the way and Grunge misses. Grunge drops the chair, his hands in pain. Heat gets back to his feet. He kicks Grunge in the gut and tries for a Piledriver but is unable to lift Grunge. Grunge sweeps Heatout by the legs. He holds onto Heat's legs and falls to his back, slingshotting Heat into the corner. Heat bounces off the turnbuckle and Grunge locks him in a reverse facelock. Grunge lifts Heat into the air and drops him with a Reverse Brainbuster, Heat's head barely missing the steel chair.

Curry: What a move! Grunge hooks the leg..........1..........2......... No! Heat kicks out!

NTD: Heat was this close to hitting the chair, he would have been done for if that were the case.

Grunge argues with the referee, claiming that it was indeed a three count. The ref begs to differ, and tells Grunge to focus on his opponent, not his officiating. Grunge obliges, lifting Heat back up. Grunge tries for a Suplex but Heat counters by rolling Grunge up with a small package for two. Both men rise to their feet. Grunge pounds on Heat with quick right jabs. Grunge backs Heat into the ropes. Heat gets his arms tied up in them. Grunge charges at Heat and hits a diving clothesline, sending both men out of the ring. The referee follows, having no other choice. Grunge is the first one up on the outside. He lifts Heat up by the hair. Grunge drags Heat over to the steel steps. Grunge attempts to slam Heat's head into the steps but takes an elbow from Heat. Heat slams Grunge into the steps instead. Grunge remains standing but dazed. Heat whips Grunge into the barricade. Grunge bounces off and takes a Spinebuster from Heat.

Curry: Spinebuster on the concrete floor! Heat quickly makes the cover...........1..........2.......... Kickout after two and threee fourths!

NTD: Heat is doing surprisingly well in this contest, he's adapting to the conditions, a good skill to have.

Grunge gets onto his knees. Heat hits Grunge with some quick right hands but Grunge gets the advantage with an eye rake. Heat backs away. Grunge walks over to him. He grabs Heat and throws him back into the ring and follows. Back in the ring, both men are standing. The two exchange right hands. Grunge kicks Heat low and throws him to the mat with a Gordbuster. Grunge covers but Heat kicks out after two. Both men are on their feet again. Heat takes Grunge down with a quick armdrag. Grunge is barely effected by this and he quickly get back up. Heat whips Grunge into the corner. Heat charges at Grunge and hits him with a clothesline. Grunge bounces off and Heat takes him down with a Running Bulldog. Grunge rolls over onto his back and Heat covers but only gets two. Heat kicks the downed Grunge in the ribs a few times. Heat then climbs up to the top rope. Heat jumps off with a headbutt but Grunge grabs the nearby steel chair and sticks it up, Heat hitting it face first! Grunge covers Heat, forgetting to hook the leg. The ref's hand slaps down to the mat twice but he stops before the third, seeing Heat's shoulder up. Grunge gets back to his feet. He picks Heat up. Grunge gets Heat in the suplex position. He hooks Heat's leg. Grunge lifts Heat up into the air and jumps up himself. They fall to the mat, Heat landing right on the steel chair.

Curry: Fisherman Buster by Grunge right on the chair!

NTD: I love that move.

Curry: The cover..........1..........2.......... Heat barely gets the shoulder up!

Grunge covers again but Heat gets out at one and a half this time. Grunge lifts Heat back up this time. Grunge whips Heat into the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes. Grunge bends down for a back body drop but Heat flips over Grunge and rolls him up with a Sunset Flip for two. Both men are on their feet again. Grunge hits Heat with devastating rights. Grunge pulls back for a haymaker and tries to hit Heat but Heat blocks the punch and hits a few of his own. Grunge is backed into the corner by Heat. Heat climbs up on the second rope and begins to pummel Grunge with right hands. The crowd chants along with Heat each time he lands a punch on Grunge. Heat hits Grunge with a tenth punch and steps down. Grunge collapses onto the mat. Heat picks up the steel chair. He throws the chair on top of the fallen Grunge. Heat steps out onto the apron and climbs up to the top rope. Heat balances himself up top. He dives off...

Curry: Heat flying through the air... ELBOW DROP ONTO THE CHAIR!

NTD: That took a lot out of both of them!

Curry: Both men are down on the mat! Heat is able to throw his arm across the chest of Grunge..........1..........2.......... Thr- No! Grunge somehow kicked out!

NTD: This is the reason why Grunge is the World Champion, he just doesn't give up!

Heat slowly gets to his feet again and Grunge does the same. Grunge kicks Heat in the midsection He hooks Heat's arms and hits a Double Underhook Suplex for two. Grunge pulls Heat back up. He whips Heat into the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes and gets caught with a Powerslam. Grunge hooks the leg but Heat manages to get his shoulder up after two. Heat gets back to his feet. He throws Grunge to the mat with a Snapmare followed by a kick to the spine. Heat pulls Grunge up again. Heat attempts to whip Grunge into the ropes but Grunge counters with an Irish Whip of his own. Heat runs towards the ropes. He bounces off the ropes and is met by a kick to the midsection from Grunge. Grunge follows it up with an Evenflow DDT, Heat colliding with the mat head first.

Curry: What a DDT from Grunge!

NTD: I haven't seen Grunge do that one before!

Curry: Grunge hooks Heat's leg..........1..........2.......... Kickout! That was close!

Grunge shoves the referee, claiming it was a slow count. The referee shoves Grunge back. Grunge raises his fist to punch the ref but gets rolled up by Heat with a School Boy. The referee counts a bit quicker then usual but Grunge is still able to kick out. Both men are on their feet. Grunge pounds away at Heat with right handed punches. He kicks Heat in the midsection and delivers a belly to back suplex, Heat's head bouncing off the mat. Grunge covers but Heat is able to escape before the three count. Grunge grabs Heat by the legs. He drives his knee into the "lower extremities" of Heat, which is legal in this match. Grunge lets go of Heat's legs and picks up the steel chair. Heat rises to his feet but walks right into a chair shot from Grunge. Heat takes a few dazed steps but Grunge decks him with anther chair shot. Grunge picks Heat back up. He lifts Heat up with a Vertical Suplex. Grunge holds Heat in the air for a bit. Grunge throws Heat forward with a Front Face DDT, Heat's face smacking against the chair.

Curry: Ouch!!

NTD: Heat's going to be feeling the effects of those chair shots for a long time!

Curry: Grunge with the cover..........1..........2.......... Almost! Heat barely kicks out!

Blood is flowing down the face of Heat. Grunge picks Heat back up. He pulls Heat into a standing headscissors, running his finger across his throat, signaling for the end. Grunge hooks Heat's arms. He attempts to lift Heat up for All Apologies but Heat won't budge. Grunge tries again but Heat is still immovable. With all of the strength Heat lifts Grunge up onto his back and drops to the mat, with Grunge's spine crashing down on the steel chair. This leaves both men unconscious on the mat and out of breath. The crowd begin's to chant Heat's name, hoping to revive their hero's spirits. Heat begins to show signs of life, rolling over onto his stomach. He pulls himself up with the help of the ropes. He covers the downed Grunge but is only able to get a two count. Both men are on their feet. Grunge advances at Heat with a clothesline. Heat ducks and kicks Grunge in the midsection. He lifts Grunge up onto his shoulders. Heat takes a few steps and jumps into the air. He drops onto his side, driving Grunge into the mat with a Death Valley Driver.

Curry: DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!

NTD: Grunge hit the mat with crushing force! This may be all...

Curry: The cover..........1..........2..........Thr- NO! GRUNGE KICKED OUT AGAIN! HOW DO THESE GUYS KEEP GOING?

Heat slaps his hands together three times, indicating that it was actually a three count. He pulls the dazed Grunge back up. He sets Grunge up in the suplex position. He quickly takes Grunge down with a Snap Suplex. Heat floats over for the cover but Grunge is able to kick out just before the three count. Both men are up. Grunge hits Heat with right hands. Grunge tries to whip Heat into the ropes but ends up getting whipped himself. Grunge bounces off the ropes and is taken down by a Spinning Heel Kick. He gets up after the kick. Heat tries to kick Grunge in the midsection but Grunge grabs Heat by the leg. Grunge hits Heat with a Dragon Screw, wrenching the knee of Heat. Heat falls to the mat, holding his knee in pain. Grunge picks Heat up once again. Grunge whips Heat into the ropes. Heat bounces off and Grunge wraps his arms around Heat. Grunge throws Heat back with a deadly suplex. Heat hits the mat hard and crumples over into an awkward position.

Curry: What a Suplex!

NTD: Did you see how hard Heat hit the mat?!

Curry: The leg is hooked..........1..........2.......... ALmost! Heat barely gets his shoulder up!

The frustrated Grunge picks Heat up off the mat again. He tries to lift Heat up for a Suplex but Heat won't move. Heat picks Grunge up with a Vertical Suplex and then drops him on the ropes. Grunge hangs on the ropes for a few seconds and eventually crumples to the mat. Heat steps out onto the apron. He tugs back on the ropes and uses the momentum to sling himself into the ring. Heat does a flip in the air and lands back frst across the spine of Grunge with a Senton Press. Heat covers after the move but Grunge kicks out after the two count. Grunge gets back to his feet. He hits Heat with some hard right hands. Grunge grabs Heat by the head and throws him out of the ring. Grunge steps over the second rope to the outside. On the outside, Grunge pulls Heat back up. He slams Heat's head against the announce table one, two, three times. Heat lays across the table. Grunge pulls Heat of the table and onto the concrete floor. He stomps on Heat a few times and waits for him to get back up. Heat gets back up but is met by the sole of Grunge's foot, being knocked back to the floor by the impact of the Superkick!

Curry: Ouch! What a kick from the World Champion!

NTD: It doesn't stop there, Grunge just pulled a table out from under the ring!

Indeed, Grunge has pulled a table out. He unfolds the legs and locks them. Grunge stands the table upright, as Heat is still out cold on the floor. Grunge pulls Heat back up. Grunge tries for a Belly to Belly Suplex but Heat elbows him on the forehead. Heat kicks Grunge in the midsection and rolls him back into the ring. In the ring, both men are on their feet. The exchange rights and lefts, each punch harder then the last. Grunge kicks Heat rather low. He tries to throw Heat out of the ring again but Heat grabs ahold of the top rope. Heat stands back up on the apron. He knees Grunge in the stomach and brings Grunge out onto the apron with him. On the apron, Heat pulls Grunge's left arm through Grunge's legs. He wrap his arm around the neck of Grunge. He positions himself perpendicular to the table. Heat lifts Grunge...

Curry, NTD, and the crowd: HOLY SH*T!!!

Curry: THE MELTDOWN OFF THE APRON AND THROUGH A TABLE!!

Crowd: IGN! IGN! IGN!

Curry: BOTH MEN ARE COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS ON THE OUTSIDE!

NTD: That was great, there is no way Grunge is going to be able to kick out of this!

Curry: Heat is finally moving... He throws his arm across the chest of Grunge...

ONE...

TWO...

NO!!

Curry: GRUNGE KICKED OUT! GRUNGE KICKED OUT! NEVER SAY NEVER!

The crowd is in disbelief, as is Heat. The referee can barely believe it either. Heat picks up the unconscious Grunge and rolls him back into the ring. In the ring, Heat picks Grunge back up. Heat tries to hit Grunge with another Meltdown but Grunge knees Heat in the stomach. Heat bends over and Grunge hits him with an overhead Belly to Belly Suplex. Grunge makes a quick cover but Heat is able to escape after the two count. Grunge picks Heat up again. Grunge tries to whip Heat into the ropes but Heat counters with a whip of his own. Grunge bounces off the ropes and nails Heat with a Kitchen Sink as he comes back. Heat bends over, the wind knocked out of him. Grunge pulls Heat into the standing headscissors position. Grunge hooks the arms of Heat. He lifts Heat up...

Curry: ALL APOLOGIES!! ALL APOLOGIES!! GRUNGE HOOKS THE LEG...

ONE...

TWO...

NO!!

Curry: HOW THE HELL DID HEAT KICK OUT OF ALL APOLOGIES?!

NTD: I have no idea, only a few have ever kicked out of that move!

The crowd is on fire, and Grunge is in total disbelief. He lifts Heat up again. Grunge picks up the steel chair and slams it to the mat. He pulls Heat into another standing headscissors. Grunge once again hooks the arms. Heat tries to escape but Grunge pounds on his back with an elbow. Grunge is able to lift Heat...

Curry: ALL APOLOGIES AGAIN!!

NTD: Yeah, and this time on the steel chair!!

Curry: It's over folks...

ONE...

TWO...

THREE!

Curry: Grunge wins this brutal match!

NTD: Look at Heat, I think he is seriously injured.

Funyon: Here is your winner, Grunge!

Grunge picks up the dented and damaged steel chair. He smacks it against the ribs of the unconscious Heat, the crowd booing the entire time. Grunge drops the chair and lifts up Heat. He ties the bloody Heat up in the ropes. Grunge picks the chair up again. He winds up...

Curry: Sickening chairshot to the skull of Heat!! And again!! Grunge has lost it!!

NTD: I don't think he's ever had it, this is a lifetime of pent up rage right here!

Grunge hits Heat again and again with the steel chair, the referee begging him to stop. Heat is covered in his own blood, as is the chair. Grunge jabs the chair into the ribs of Heat and kicks his ribs. Heat begins to spew blood out of his mouth, changing the ring apron from a blank white to a crimson shade. Grunge throws the chair down and takes a microphone from a stage hand.

NTD: Looks like everyone's favorite psycopathic champion has a few words for Heat!

Grunge: You know what, you people just don't get it (getting right up in the face of Heat). How ya doin', buddy? A bit of a headache? Good, now you know how it feels. How it feels to be just a puppet, how it feels to be taken control of. Drew tried to control me, he couldn't take it. Perfect Bo tried to control me, he couldn't handle it. And now I have Grimedogg breathing down my neck. He won't be able to control me either. Nothing can stop me now that I have this (points to his title). Heat, it's just begun between me and you. Some people may ask why. Is it because of you running over my former Anarchy members Suicide and Perfect Bo? No, I would have done the same thing, just not in such a weak way. I'm just here to prove a point, not anyone, not anything, can stop me. Remember these words, all of you, it's... just... begun.

"Killing the Fly" hits as Grunge leaves the ring.

Curry: The champion has lost it!

NTD: Yeah, and Heat is in terrible shape! He's bleeding all over the place!

Curry: We're out of time, we'll see you soon! I'm spicy...

NTD: And I'm pantless...

Curry: Goodnight everyone!

END

February 28, 2002

My best matach in a losing cause was probably against Kaimen Roja for the World Belt.

What pissed me off the most was that he had a storyline and never told me anything about it even after I asked him

:angry:

February 28, 2002

Well, while I have had some really good matches, including a great match against Storm for my second ICTV title, the effort I am most proud of is very recent. Clusterf*ck 2002. I busted my ass for an entire weekend writing that monster, weaving little things in and out of the match, and trying to keep track of where everybody was. I still have the page and a half of written notes on my desk at home. Unfortunatly, I do not have the match here at work and as a non-insider (stupid snowball) I can't post it here yet... but I will...

February 28, 2002

Here we go. The infamous 4-way ladder match that got me the LHW Title for a second time and started my GLORIOUS reign of DOOM!

__

Ben Hardy: And if you order now, you’ll get a free Neilsen of the Jungle towel along with your purchase! Call 1-800-GO-IGNWF to order! Operators are standing by, call now!

The show cuts back to the inside of the arena as Ben Hardy finishes up hocking IGNWF merchandise. "When Worlds Collide" begins to pound through the speakers once again as the camera pans slowly around the arena, showcasing some of the more creative homemade signs. One such sign says, “RE-RE-REGNERATION RULES RULE!!”. Another says, “Give me back my WCW Cruiserweight Title!” held up by someone looking suspiciously like Billy Kidman. One particularly large sign says, “This guy wanted to be Thugg’s partner.” With the word “wants” crossed out in place of wanted and a big arrow pointing to a rather large fellow sitting next to the sign holder. The man being pointed to starts jumping up and down and screaming once he sees himself on the IGNTron. The camera finally rests on Curry and NTD, who are decked out in Tuxedos (top only for NTD, of course.) and sitting behind their announcing desk, arguing about something.

NTD: I’m telling you, Latoya Jackson is a creation of cloning!

Curry: No way! If it’s anyone, it’s Tito! (Curry notices the cameraman looking oddly at them.) Oh! Er……….welcome back, everyone, to IGNWF Ground Zero!

NTD: Latoya!

Curry: Not now, dammit! Ahem. Like I was saying, we’re nearing the end of arguably the biggest IGNWF PPV in history. We’ve gone through 7 matches so far, awarded 4 IGNWF Titles, 2 #1 Contenderships, 1 replica of a WCW title and saw the premiere matches of Trash and Thoth!

NTD: Damn garbage man. Come to my house and haul away that sofa, ya lazy bums!

Curry: Don’t make me get out the stun gun again, NTD. Like I was saying, we have awarded 4 Titles, including the Tag Team Titles when the Hville Thugg and his mystery partner, who turned out to be-

NTD: Hey look! That guy’s selling hot buttered popcorn! Over here! I’ll buy one!

Curry: (Sighs and continues.) When they took on Neilsen of the Jungle and his partner, who ended up being-

NTD: Hey, beer man! Stop fueling alcoholism, you inconsiderate human being!

Curry: Forget it. Along with the Tag Titles, the ICTV, UK, and Hardcore Gamer’s Titles have been defended as well. Those have all been incredible matches, matches that will go down in history, but things are only going to get better. Tonight’s main event will feature Bobby Riley, Mercury, “Grand Slam” Mark Stevens, Perfect Bo, and Chris Wilson in a 5-way Regeneration rules match! One man has to get a pinfall all 4 of his opponents to win! But coming up now-

NTD: Ooh ooh, let me do the dramatic buildup!

Curry: Aw, you’re so cute. I can’t say no to you.

NTD: Yay! Ok, let’s see. Tonight, in this very ring, the Light Heavyweight Title will be defended. Yup.

A few seconds of silence go by.

Curry: Uh, isn’t there more to it than that?

NTD: Huh? Oh yeah, thanks. Tonight, Andrea will defend her Light Heavyweight Title against three competitors: Chris Storm, El Luchadore Magnifico, and the returning Mayor McCheese!

The fans in the two rows behind Curry and NTD pop loudly upon hearing McCheese’s name, but Curry decide to speak up again.

Curry: And??

NTD: You’re really getting on my nerves, Curry. You don’t think I know what this match is about?

Curry: Apparently not-

NTD: Tonight, in this very ring, Miss Andrea will defend her Light Heavyweight Title against Chris Storm, El Luchadore Magnifico, and the returning Mayor McCheese in a 4-way ladder match!!

Curry: (obviously impressed) Good job, NTD.

NTD: Huh? Where am I?

Curry: I’ll take over from here. This is only the second time a match like this has ever occurred, the only other time being in the JL. Coincidentally, Magnifico was in that match and won it, gaining the Anarchy Title.

NTD: So you’re saying Magnifico will win? (whips out cell phone) Hey Phil! I’ll put a hundred dollars on the Mexican!

Curry: Not necessarily, McCheese has the experience on his side-

NTD: Nevermind, put a hundred on the hamburger guy!

Curry: But Storm is completely ruthless. He’ll do anything to win the Title, and it shows.

NTD: A hundred on the maniac instead!

Curry: But Andrea is the quickest person in the entire league. I don’t think she can be matched in speed.

NTD: Forget that! Gimme a hundred on the broad!

Curry: You can’t bet on wrestling matches, NTD. No one takes bets for that.

NTD: What?? Here, tell Phil that!

NTD hands Curry a cell phone, but all Curry hears is a dial tone.

Curry: Uh, I think he hung up.

NTD: Don’t put other people down just because they have different voices than you, Curry!

Curry sighs and puts down the cell phone.

Curry: Right. Anyway, let’s get back to the Light Heavyweight Title match. This match has been building for quite a while now, since Magnifico first faced Andrea for the Title.

(Clips of the match begin showing, starting at the botched Somersault Suicide Attack, in which Andrea’s legs smacked sickeningly into the steel guard rail. It then cuts to the Super Double Underhook Suplex from Andrea to Magnifico, and the very close kickout that happened right afterwards. Finally, Magnifico is shown executing a Top Rope Dragon Leg Screw on Andrea and immediately turning it into a Single Leg Crab. Andrea is shown tapping out, quickly replaced by the image of Magnifico with the LHW Title held high above his head.)

Curry: As you can see, Andrea and Magnifico gave their all in that match.

NTD: Not that that mattered at all to Chris Storm.

(Storm is shown running down the ramp, wielding a steel chair, then viscously bringing it down onto Magnifico's head. Storm's angry speech to Magnifico about the LHW Title is shown, then the IGNTron goes blank as Curry continues.)

Curry: Storm wanted the LHW Title to himself, so he decided to make an impact by attacking Magnifico right after his win.

NTD: Of course, Storm hadn't proven himself worthy of a LHW Title shot yet, so instead he got to guest referee the rematch between Andrea and Magnifico.

(The Guest Referee match begins to play on the IGNTron, beginning with a clip of Magnifico being unable to complete the Baja California Crusher, and then quickly skipping to Andrea walking on the top rope, Magnifico's arm in tow. Andrea is shown jumping off of the top rope and locking Magnifico into the modified Cross Arm Breaker. Storm is shown asking Magnifico if he wants to quit, and Magnifico is clearly shown shaking his head and yelling "No" the whole time. Regardless, Storm calls for the bell, awarding the LHW Title to Andrea.)

Curry: Storm obviously screwed Magnifico out of the title, but the craziness didn't end there.

(The video then cuts to the after-match brawl, showing Storm bashing Andrea in the head with the LHW Belt, then locking in the Storm Deathlock on Magnifico. Andrea is shown smacking Storm in the back of the head with the LHW Belt, then nailing the Done and Dusted on Storm onto the same belt. The IGNTron goes blank again as NTD speaks.)

NTD: You'd think that alone would be enough to bring about this match-

Curry: But then, you'd be forgetting about Mayor McCheese, who made his presence felt on the last IGNite during a non-title match between Storm and Andrea.

(The IGNTron flickers to life once more, this time beginning near the end of the Storm/Andrea match. Magnifico is shown running down the ramp and stomping away at Storm, costing Andrea the match. When Andrea gets in his face, Magnifico grabs her by the arms and plants her with the Baja California Crusher. Storm gets back to his feet and joins Magnifico in stomping on Andrea, as McCheese runs down the ramp, steel chair in hand. Storm and Magnifico clear out, heading to the back as McCheese dives into the ring. The video cuts to the staredown between Andrea and McCheese, then goes dim once more.)

Curry: That's how the legendary McCheese became involved. There are so many factors in this match to consider- I mean, look at the alliances that 3 of the 4 competitors have forged! Storm with Evil Inc., Andrea with the Wild Cards, and Magnifico with Prime Evil. McCheese may be at a slight disadvantage tonight.

NTD: Speaking of Prime Evil, I'm glad that Magnifico is finally cool with Silencer interfering. Makes for a more interesting match, that's for sure.

Curry: We'll just have to see. And by the way, we've decided to use 4 ladders in this match, so all competitors have a fair chance of getting the title!

Camera cuts to a shot of the ladders lined up parallel to the ramp in the small space between the ramp and the ring, then to a shot of the LHW Title, hung high above the ring.

Curry: Those ladders were generously donated by the-

NTD: That's enough jibba-jabba outta you! Let's get going!

Curry: Ok, ok. We're ready to get underway, so let's hand it over to Funyon and begin this incredibly promising match!

Funyon enters the ring, sporting a shiny new tuxedo and holding a microphone in his hand. All the house lights in the arena dim to a close and are replaced by alternating orange and yellow lights in the entranceway. The overexcited fans jump to their collective feet and begin cheering like crazy. Mayor McCheese appears at the top of the ramp as Dean Malenko’s music kicks up.

Funyon: The following is a 4-way Ladder Match, and it is for the IGNWF Light Heavyweight Title!

The crowd pops loudly as McCheese begins making his way down the ramp, and Funyon continues.

Funyon: Introducing first, from Hamburgerland, he weighs in at 160 pounds……..Maaaaayor McCheeeeeeese!

The crowd goes ballistic at the mention of McCheese's name, creating a deafening roar that forces Curry and NTD to cover their ears and yell.

Curry: WHAT A TREMENDOUS OVATION FOR THE MAYOR!!

NTD: WHAT??

McCheese walks beneath the 4 ladders at ringside and slides into the ring, stands up, then walks to the exact center of the ring. McCheese poses in the Raven crucifix position in the center of the ring as a giant golden arch pyro is lit off towards the back of the ring. Thousands of flashbulbs go off as McCheese stands in the center of the ring, lighting the inside of the arena for several seconds. The house lights return to normal as McCheese begins stretching and preparing in the ring.

Curry: McCheese looks like he's in great shape, but one has to wonder if he has a bit of ring rust.

NTD: WHAT??

The Mexican National anthem begins to play over the speakers, eliciting loud boos from the crowd as the music abruptly stops and the house lights are suddenly cut out. After a few seconds, a burst of Red and Orange pyro explodes at the top of the ramp and shoots straight into the air. The lights come back up and the Mexican National Anthem resumes playing as El Luchadore Magnifico bursts out from behind the curtain, waving his Mexican flag wildly and motivating the crowd to boo even louder with his presence.

Funyon: And now, from Mexico City, Mexico, he weighs in at 190 pounds……..El Luchadooooooooorre Maaaaaaagnificoooooo!!

Curry: Magnifico seems rather determined tonight. No trace of amusement on his face anywhere.

NTD: WHAT??

Curry: I think the cheering might have rendered you deaf, NTD.

NTD: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!!!

Magnifico quickly makes his way down the ramp, a look as hard as stone on his face. Magnifico ignores the fans jeers and taunts and breaks into a full sprint as he passes under the ladders. Magnifico slides into the ring, stands to his feet, and glares at McCheese for a few seconds before hopping onto the nearby second turnbuckle. Magnifico slowly resumes waving his flag again, the red and white and green cloth billowing slowly in the air, drawing more boos and a few flashbulb explosions from the crowd. Magnifico hops off of the second rope and walks over to the ref, handing him his Mexican Flag. Magnifico begins to stretch, his eyes and McCheese's locked onto each other. "Shooter" kicks up and the crowd begins to boo even louder then before in anticipation. Chris Storm walks through the curtain to a chorus of boos, his trademark cocky grin gracing his face. He stops on the stage and raises his hands in the air, bringing a shower of boos and flashbulbs onto him.

Funyon: And now, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, he weighs in at 225 pounds……….Chrrrrrisssss Storrrrrrm!!

Chris strolls down to the ring, the cocky grin on his face, knowing how good he thinks he is. Chris considers walking beneath the ladders, but instead sidesteps around them. Storm slides into the ring and raises his arms once more, eliciting huge heat from the crowd. Storm completely ignores McCheese and Magnifico as he prepares for the match. The house lights slowly dim to a close as a pair of neon green spotlights scan the crowd. “Just a Girl” kicks up as the Wild Card logo begins to spin on to the IGNtron as the crowd jumps to its feet and begins cheering wildly once more. The logo, at first barely discernible, begins spinning clockwise, getting bigger as it spins, coming to a stop when it reaches it’s full size. Andrea comes through the curtain, pausing momentarily as bright green sparks shower down from above. The crowd becomes even louder at the sight of Andrea, and the huge smile on Andrea's face is impossible to hide.

Funyon: And now, weighing in at 155 pounds, from Biloxi, Mississippi, she is the IGNWF Light Heavyweight Champion-(crowd pops loudly) Andreaaaaaaaa Montgommmery!

Andrea makes her way down the ramp, giving hi-fives to fans and trying to generally pump up the crowd. Andrea pauses as she approaches the ladders, looking up to the top of the ladder nearest to the ring. Andrea looks out over the crowd and points at the top of the ladder, eliciting a HUGE pop from the crowd. Andrea grins and begins climbing the ladder closest to the ring.

Curry: What is Andrea doing here? I know she likes to please the fans, but this is ridiculous.

NTD: I like to please the fans, too. Any fans interesting in being pleased by NTD should call 1-900-NTD-LIVE.

Andrea quickly climbs the ladder, reaching the top in no time. Andrea carefully stands on the top of the ladder, and is suddenly showered by flashbulbs from every part of the arena. Andrea raises her arms to the overexcited crowd……….then leaps off of the top of the ladder and falls towards the center of the ring!

Curry: AHHHHH!! (covers eyes) Someone tell me if she ends up ok!

Andrea does a full front flip in mid-air, then lands in the center of the ring as green sparks explode upwards from the 4 ringposts! The crowd goes completely nuts as Andrea, who is extremely excited herself, pumps her fist in the air. McCheese has a large grin on his face, while Magnifico and Storm just look on, the disgust evident on their faces.

NTD: Andrea's fine, even if she is a showoff.

Curry: (Uncovers his eyes.) Oh good. I tell ya, this girl is gonna kill herself one day.

NTD: If it'll be any day, it'll be today.

Funyon exits the ring as the ref calls for the bell, starting the massive match.

DING DING DING

The crowd’s cheers return in full force as the four competitors face off in a 4-way staredown. Magnifico, McCheese, Storm, and Andrea, all stand at different corners of the ring, each of them stealing glares at each other as the crowd’s roar grows louder with every passing moment. Suddenly, Magnifico turns to Andrea and charges at her, his arm reared back for a Clothesline! Andrea quickly rolls under the clothesline, and turns to face Magnifico. Magnifico turns back to Andrea, only to be met with quick jabs in the face from Andrea! The crowd’s roaring becomes even louder as Andrea takes it to Magnifico. McCheese looks on with curiosity, giving Storm the opportunity to charge over to McCheese and hit him with a quick shot to the chin while the Mayor is distracted!

McCheese and Storm begin brawling, Storm having an advantage, as Andrea backs Magnifico up into the corner with a rising knee to the gut.

Curry: It looks like the pairings have been set for now! Andrea and Magnifico are brawling with each other, as are McCheese and Storm.

NTD: Whoo! I’m excited Curry, aren’t you?

Curry: Yes, I am-

NTD: Be more excited! You sound like you’re at a four person funeral, not a four person ladder match!

Andrea grabs Magnifico by the arm and tries to whip him into the corner, but the luchadore reverses it, sending Andrea into the opposite corner. At the same time, Storm has grabbed McCheese by the arm and has whipped him towards the opposite ropes. Magnifico quickly steps to the side of McCheese, grabs McCheese’s legs with his feet, and trips McCheese to the mat with a Drop Toe Hold! McCheese’s chin bounces off of the mat as Magnifico stands back up to his feet and turns right into Storm. Magnifico and Storm begin to exchange blows, and neither notice Andrea charging out of the corner towards them! Storm and Magnifico turn towards Andrea as she nears them, and Andrea extends her arms and nails both men beneath the chin with a Double Clothesline! The crowd cheers as Storm and Magnifico quickly bolt back to their feet. Andrea grabs Storm by the arm and whips him into the ropes. Magnifico reaches for Andrea, but a rising McCheese grabs Magnifico with a Reverse Waistlock before Magnifico can get his hands on Andrea! McCheese tries to lift Magnifico for a German Suplex, but Magnifico hooks his leg with McCheese’s, blocking the suplex! Storm rushes back towards Andrea as McCheese struggles with Magnifico. Andrea quickly falls to her back and plants her feet into Storm’s gut for a Monkey Flip, but Storm is able to grab her legs before she can complete the move! Storm places her right leg in the pit of her left and begins turning her over for a Texas Cloverleaf! Andrea flails her arms wildly, trying to escape the hold, then suddenly pulls herself up using her legs, rears back, and nails Storm right in the eye! Storm releases the hold, placing his hand on his eye.

Curry: Wow! The match could have ended right there- oops, never mind.

NTD: You’re really out of it, Curry. When was the last time you called a ladder match?

Curry: Well, I called a Stairway to Hell match about a week ago. Does that count?

NTD: (sigh) It’ll have to do.

As Andrea is escaping from the hold, Magnifico is able to get behind McCheese and apply a Reverse Waistlock of his own! Magnifico picks McCheese up for a German Suplex and throws him over his head! However, McCheese is able to keep his momentum going, doing a backflip in mid-air and landing on his feet! Magnifico quickly rises back to his feet, thinking he nailed the suplex on McCheese, but receives a big surprise as McCheese comes up from behind Magnifico and grabs him by the arms! McCheese crosses Magnifico's arms diagonally and yells “New School!” to the roaring crowd. McCheese then falls backwards, driving the back of Magnifico’s head and neck into the mat with an Aztec Suplex! The crowd pops loudly as McCheese maintains the hold and works his way to his feet, trying to hit Magnifico with another Aztec Suplex! Suddenly, Magnifico breaks his arms free, turns around, and locks a Waistlock on McCheese! Magnifico falls backwards while throwing McCheese over his head, driving McCheese’s back into the mat with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex! The crowd’s cheering dies down as McCheese lays on the mat, his hand on the small of his back.

NTD: I wonder why McCheese was only able to hit one Aztec Suplex before Magnifico broke the hold.

Curry: Maybe because McCheese usually uses the Rolling Aztec Suplexes when his opponents are already worn down somewhat. Magnifico’s still pretty fresh, so he was able to break out fairly easily.

NTD: Well thank you, Mr. Wizard.

Curry: Glad I could be of service, NTD.

As Magnifico and McCheese were going through their suplexes and reversals, Andrea is jumping back to her feet and taking advatage of Storm, who still has his hand on his eye. Andrea grabs Storm by his hair and pulls him over to the nearest turnbuckle, pulls back on his hair, then drives his head straight into the top turnbuckle! Andrea pulls back once more, and drives Storm’s head into the turnbuckle again! The crowd roars as Andrea pulls Storm into the corner and begins kicking away at Storm’s gut. Andrea delivers a few kicks to Storm’s gut, then grabs Storm around the head and pulls him down to the mat with a Snapmare. As Storm sits on the mat, half dazed, Andrea jumps into the air, extends his legs, and drives them into Storm’s back! Storm is driven forward, falling flat on his face as the crowd cheers. Storm turns onto his stomach, his hand on his back, as Andrea begins to climb the nearby corner to the top rope. Andrea reaches the top rope just as Magnifico is whipping McCheese towards the ropes. McCheese bounces off of the ropes, shaking them wildly and forcing Andrea to lose her balance! Andrea falls onto the top turnbuckle, with the turnbuckle driving itself right in between her legs. A look of pain crosses Andrea’s face as the crowd collectively Ooohs. Andrea half falls, half crawls off of the top rope and lands on the mat.

Curry: That’s another thing you have to watch on for in any match with multiple participants. Any of your opponents could stop you from hitting a powerful move, even if they did it unintentionally.

(NTD places his hand on Curry’s arm. Curry jerks it away.)

Curry: Knock it off!

NTD: Whoops, did it unintentionally.

McCheese rushes back towards Magnifico as Andrea falls down to the mat. Magnifico jumps straight up into the air for a Hurricanrana, but McCheese runs right under Magnifico’s outstretched legs and bounces off of the ropes behind him. McCheese approaches Magnifico from behind just as Magnifico is landing on his feet. McCheese grabs Magnifico around the back of the head, then jumps forward, driving Magnifico’s face into the mat with a Bulldog! The crowd pops as McCheese jumps to his feet, then steps out onto the apron and jumps down to the floor. McCheese makes his way to the ladders as Storm and Andrea make their way to their feet. Andrea throws a sloppy right hand at Storm, which Storm deftly blocks, then Storm returns with a right of his own. Storm continues to pepper Andrea with quick rights, then whips Andrea towards the ropes closest to the announce table. Storm bends down for a back body drop as Andrea approaches him, and grabs Andrea by the stomach and throws her over his head, throwing her over the ropes with a Back Body Drop! But before Andrea hits the floor, she is able to grabs the top rope with her outstretched arms and slowly pull herself back up to the apron! Andrea turns to face Storm, whose back is facing Andrea, but she is grabbed from behind by McCheese and pulled down to the floor! McCheese and Andrea begin exchanging blows, standing mere feet from the ladders. Storm turns and notices the two brawling, and decided to capitalize. Storm begins running towards the ropes closest to the announce table, but is nailed with a Superkick to the chin by a recovered Magnifico! The crowd simultaneously Oohs again as Storm falls to the mat, his hand on his chin. Magnifico notices Andrea and McCheese brawling, and bounces off of the ropes himself and begins rushing towards McCheese and Andrea!

Curry: Look out, Andrea and McCheese!

NTD: Yeah! That Mexican guy is gonna try to get you to buy him Tequila!

Magnifico approaches the ropes closest to Andrea and McCheese, and leaps into the air and over the top rope towards McCheese and Andrea! Flashbulbs explode from every part of the arena as Magnifico dives towards McCheese and Andrea with a suicide dive! Magnifico crashes into the shoulders of McCheese and Andrea, knocking them both to the ground and knocking down all the ladders with a domino effect! The crowd pops loudly as Magnifico, McCheese and Andrea lay on the floor near the pile of fallen ladders!

Curry: Will you look at that! Magnifico risked his body to take out McCheese and Andrea!

NTD: (sob) Those poor, defenseless ladders. You are such a fiend, Magnifico!

Storm begins to rise to his feet and notices all of his opponents laid out on the floor. Storm's cocky grin returns to his face as he quickly climbs out of the ring and onto the floor, then walks over to the pile of ladders. Storm kicks each of the 3 competitors a few times in the ribs for good measure, then picks up one of the ladders out of the pile. Storm steps onto the apron and slides the ladder into the ring, before walking in himself.

Curry: The first ladder is introduced into the match, and it looks like Storm is going to use it to try and win the match!

NTD: Well, that was quick. Wanna grab something to eat?

Curry: The match hasn't ended yet, NTD. Plus, we've still got our huge Main Event to call.

NTD: I'll call it all right! I'll call it a big waste of time!

Storm picks up the ladder and begins setting it up in the center of the ring. McCheese, who was hit the least by Magnifico, begins to push himself to his feet as Storm finishes setting up the ladder. McCheese reaches his feet, visibly shaken, as Storm begins to climb the ladder. McCheese notices Storm climbing the ladder, and quickly slides into the ring to try and stop Storm. McCheese stands up and grabs Storm by the leg, much to the surprise of Storm. Storm begins to kick his leg at McCheese, trying to shake him off, but McCheese won't let go. McCheese pulls on Storm's leg, pulling him off of the ladder and forcing him to hop around on one foot as he holds Storm's left leg! McCheese quickly smacks the side of Storm's leg while spinning in the same direction, twisting Storm's leg with a Dragon Leg Screw! Storm falls to the mat, his hand on his knee, as McCheese jumps back to his feet and begins climbing the ladder. As McCheese begins to climb, Magnifico and Andrea are reaching their feet at virtually the same time. They both notice McCheese climbing the ladder, and quickly slide into the ring as McCheese reaches the fourth rung. Andrea shouts something to Magnifico, and Magnifico hastily nods. Magnifico and Andrea position themselves on either side of the ladder, then lift the ladder up with McCheese still on it! Magnifico and Andrea begin walking towards the ropes with the intention of throwing the ladder, but McCheese is able to jump off of the ladder, bounce off of the top rope, and fly towards Magnifico with a Springboard Flying Cross-body! McCheese crashes right into the side of Magnifico, forcing him to drop the ladder!

Curry: What amazing balance from McCheese!

NTD: Magnifico and Andrea have gotta do better than that. Where were they gonna throw the ladder, into the crowd?

McCheese and Magnifico fall to the ground in a heap as Andrea drops the ladder due to the sudden loss of support from Magnifico. McCheese climbs back to his feet, and Storm does the same with a bit of a limp in his right leg. Andrea and McCheese begin to close in on Storm. Storm looks desperate for a second, but then grabs the nearby ladder and holds it up like a shield! Andrea and McCheese pause as Storm swings the ladder wildly, fending back anyone who dares oppose him. Suddenly, Storm charges right in between McCheese and Andrea, trying to hit them with the ends of the ladder! McCheese and Andrea quickly duck, dodging the charging ladder. Storm quickly turns to face Andrea and McCheese, who simultaneously jump into the air and deliver Missile Dropkicks to the ladder, driving it right into Storm's face! Storm violently falls to the ground, the ladder resting on his chest.

Curry: Bad luck there for Storm. Even with a ladder, he couldn't fend off two people.

NTD: Yeah, and the ladder ended up going into his face! Ha!

McCheese and Andrea turn to each other, noticing that they're the only ones left standing for now. Smiles cross both of their faces………..then Andrea rears back and delivers a right to McCheese! McCheese responds in kind, and the two begin to exchange blows once more! After a few seconds of back-and-forth, McCheese takes control with a quick kick to the gut. McCheese grabs Andrea by the arm and whips her hard into the far corner. As this is happening, Magnifico is reaching his feet. McCheese notices this and calls out to Magnifico, who nods hastily once more. Andrea is stumbling out of the corner, half-dazed, as McCheese and Magnifico stand side-by-side. As Andrea approaches them they both grab her by her legs and lift her up into the air for a Double Facebuster! But before McCheese and Magnifico can complete the move, Andrea wraps her arms around both of their heads, leans back, and falls backwards to the mat, driving both their heads into the mat with a Double DDT!

Curry: There have been some amazing reversals so far-

NTD: Enough was the damn reversals! Where are the suicidal spots? I didn't pay to see actual wrestling, ya know!!

Curry: You got in for free, NTD. You work here, remember?

NTD: What?? Lousy ticker vendor, I'll show him! (NTD leaps out of his chair, but Curry grabs him by the arm and pulls him back down.)

Andrea lays on the ground for a few seconds, exhausted, then slowly climbs to her feet. Andrea notices that Storm is still down on the mat, underneath the ladder. Andrea grabs the ladder over Storm and begins setting it up in the center of the ring to the delight of the crowd. Andrea finishes setting up the ladder when she notices Storm starting to rise to his feet. Andrea walks over to Storm and begins stomping away at him, then grabs him by the arm and begins climbing the nearest turnbuckle! The crowd cheers in anticipation as Andrea reaches the top rope closest to the entrance ramp and begins walking onto it. Andrea walks out about halfway, and raises her free arm to the excited crowd. Suddenly, Storm breaks his arm free of the hold, grabs Andrea beneath her armpits………….then throws her over the top rope and into the pile of ladders!! Andrea cries out in pain as her back crashes into the ladders, eliciting another loud Ooooh! from the crowd.

Curry: Ouch! Storm just tossed Andrea into that pile of ladders from the top rope!

NTD: It looks like Storm is going for another ladder! Double trouble!

Storm rolls to the outside, showered by boos from the front few rows of the audience. Storm walks over to the pile of ladders and stomps on Andrea’s broken form for a few seconds before grabbing another ladder and heading back into the ring. As this is happening, McCheese and Magnifico have gotten to their feet and have begun climbing opposite sides of the ladder, seemingly unaware of each other! Storm slides the ladder in, then slides in himself. Storm suddenly notices McCheese and Magnifico, both about halfway up the ladder. Storm grabs the ladder he just brought in, rears back………then smacks the set-up ladder on its side, knocking it over! Magnifico and McCheese fall onto the top rope, getting hyper-crotched as the rope is driven between their legs! The entire crowd seems to wince at the same time as McCheese and Magnifico slide/fall off of the top rope and onto the mat.

Curry: That’s why you’d want to wear a cup when you wrestle!

NTD: I wear one even when I don’t wrestle, just to be safe. Wanna see?

Curry: For the last time, no!

Storm smiles to himself as McCheese and Magnifico lay on the mat, doubled over in pain. Storm begins setting up the ladder in his hands as the crowd begins to boo again. Storm begins climbing as Andrea begins to make her way to her feet. Storm is nearly halfway up the ladder when Andrea reaches her feet. Andrea notices Storm, who is only a few feet away from the top rung, climbing the ladder. Andrea quickly grabs one of the two ladders left in the pile, then throws it over the top rope and into the ring! The ladder slides into Storm’s ladder, slowly toppling it over! A look of terror crosses Storm’s face as he falls off of the top of the falling ladder and over the top rope! The ladder bounces off of the top rope as Storm crashes shoulder-first into the floor, right in front of the announce table! The crowd cheers loudly as Storm lay on the floor, unmoving.

Curry: Look out! That didn’t go exactly as Storm planned!

NTD: Get away from my table! (NTD grabs a stick and reaches out to poke at Storm, but Curry snatches it away.)

Curry: No poking the wrestlers!

NTD: Aw….

A satisfied smile crosses Andrea’s face as she picks up the last ladder, slides it into the ring, then slides in herself after it. As Andrea is bringing the last ladder into the ring, McCheese and Magnifico are making their way to their feet, both of them just happening to be under the ladder that just fell. Magnifico makes his way to his feet first, and pushes the ladder that’s resting on the top rope back up to its intended vertical position. Magnifico begins climbing up one side of the ladder as McCheese is pushing himself to his feet. Andrea notices Magnifico climbing the ladder, and quickly begins climbing the other side. Magnifico and Andrea are virtually neck-and-neck as they're halfway up the ladder. McCheese finally reaches his feet, and sees McCheese and Andrea climbing the ladder. McCheese quickly grabs the ladder and pushes it over, sending Magnifico and Andrea flying off of the ladder! Magnifico and Andrea land back-first on the ladder Andrea just dragged in, creating a sickening metallic shudder, as Magnifico and Andrea cry out in pain! Half of the crowd cringes, while the other half cheers loudly as Magnifico and Andrea lay on the ladder, their backs arched in pain.

Curry: I'm not sure if the Light Heavyweight Title is worth going through all this-

NTD: You think this is bad? You haven't seen too many 4-way ladder matches, have you?

Curry: I've only seen one, as have you-

NTD: Silence!

McCheese, still slightly doubled over and breathing deeply, grabs the ladder he just knocked over and lifts it over his head…………..then drops it onto Magnifico and Andrea, creating a ladder sandwich! Andrea and Magnifico cry out once more as McCheese begins to slowly climb the nearest turnbuckle. McCheese finally reaches the top rope, raising his arms to the cheering crowd. McCheese stands straight up on the top turnbuckle, but his feet are suddenly grabbed by Storm, who has climbed up onto the apron! Storm quickly gives McCheese a low blow from behind, then pushes him off of the top rope! McCheese lands right on the ladder sandwich, crushing Magnifico and Andrea between the ladders! 3 separate yells are heard from McCheese, Andrea and Magnifco as McCheese lay on the top of the ladder, his back arched in pain. Storm slowly climbs the turnbuckle, his arm obviously still hurt from falling off of the ladder mere minutes ago. Storm finally reaches the top rope, showered by a combination of boos and excited yells from the crowd. Storm stands straight up on the top rope, looks out onto the crowd……….then leaps off of the top rope, flying towards the pile of ladders and his three opponents! Flashbulbs explode from every part of the arena as Storm extends his arms and legs for the Incoming Storm! Storm lands right on McCheese's stomach, creating another loud metallic shudder as Magnifico and Andrea are crushed in between the steel!! Storm rolls off of McCheese, his gut apparently hurt, as McCheese lays on top of the ladder, doubled over and gasping for breath. Andrea and Magnifico are still in between the ladders, both breathing deeply and unmoving except for an occasional spastic jerk of an arm or a leg. The crowd pops loudly as Storm begins to stumble to his feet.

Curry: Oh my god!! Storm has taken out all three of his opponents with the Incoming Storm! I think Magnifico and Andrea are completely out of it!

NTD: That's it, Storm! Now capitalize! You can't win by pinfall or your beloved submission!

Curry: It's amazing….the crowd despises Storm, but for some reason they cheered that brutal Incoming Storm. Are people really that sadistic?

NTD: Kill them! C'mon, kill them Storm!

Storm is able to finally stumble to his feet, leaning against the ropes for support. Storm's hand is on his shoulder, and his gut is obviously hurting him, but Storm's trademark grin is on his face nevertheless. Storm slowly walks over to the pile of steel ladders and broken bodies, grabbing McCheese by the arm and slowly dragging him off of the ladder. McCheese falls to the mat, barely moving, and Storm pulls the ladder off of Magnifico and Andrea, who are still virtually unmoving. Storm pulls the ladder to its vertical position and sets it up beneath the title. Storm begins climbing the ladder, his damaged shoulder obviously hindering him. McCheese is seemingly coming to as Storm reaches the third rung on the ladder. McCheese begins to push himself to his feet as Storm continues to struggle up the ladder. McCheese finally pushes himself to his feet as Storm is almost halfway up the ladder. McCheese begins to climb after Storm, quickly gaining ground on Storm as both his arms are currently OK. The crowd's excited murmurs and cheers become louder and louder as McCheese comes one rung behind Storm. Storm is only a few feet away from the top of the ladder when McCheese rears back and strikes Storm in the small of the back, stopping Storm dead in his tracks. McCheese reaches up and around Storm's chest, grabbing Storm's opposite arm and then hooking it into a Crossface Chickenwing! The fans jump out of their seats, cheering and yelling in anticipation as McCheese holds Storm in the Crossface Chickenwing!

Curry: Oh no…..he's not going to do this, is he? Don't do it, McCheese!

NTD: Whoo! Here we go!

McCheese looks around the crowd, yelling something loud and affirmative to the excited crowd. McCheese slowly jumps backwards while still holding Storm in the Crossface Chickenwing, as flashbulbs bathe the scene in light. McCheese pulls Storm backwards as he falls, driving the back of Storm's head into the mat with a McCheese Bomb off of the ladder!! The crowd's cheering is at its loudest, and a small chant of "Holy ****! Holy ****!" begins to circulate throughout the arena as Storm lay face-down on the mat, his eyes closed and his chest heaving.

Curry: Dear lord! McCheese Bomb off of the ladder! Storm's neck could have damn well been broken! What the hell is McCheese thinking??

NTD: McCheese needs to make an impact upon his return, Curry! He's been gone for over half a year, he needs to show people that he's still got it!

Curry: Sure, but he doesn't need to cripple people in the process!

NTD: Sure he does! Go McCheese!

McCheese is laying on his back, staring straight up into the lights as Storm lays a few feet away from him, unmoving. Andrea and Magnifico are beginning to climb to their feet while this is happening, Andrea moving slightly quicker than Magnifico. Andrea reaches her feet as Magnifico is on one knee. Andrea rears back and smacks Magnifico in the face, almost knocking him back to the ground. Magnifico continues to struggle to his feet, despite Andrea's repeated blows to his face. Magnifico finally reaches his feet, and is able to block one of Andrea's punches and return with one of his own. Andrea comes forward with another punch, but Magnifico blocks it once more, this time countering with a rising knee to Andrea's gut! Andrea is doubled over to a 90 degree position as the crowd boos. Magnifico quickly hops behind Andrea, his back facing hers, then grabs Andrea's arms and begins running up the nearest turnbuckle!

Curry: Look out! Magnifico's going for the Baja California Crusher!

Magnifico runs up the turnbuckle as the crowd boos/yells at the luchadore. Magnifico backflips over Andrea's head, driving her head right in between the rungs of a ladder! The crowd seems to wince and Ooooh!! at the same time as Andrea's shoulders are driven into the ladder, creating another sickening metallic shudder! Andrea lays on the ladder, not moving, as Magnifico rolls onto the mat.

Curry: Oh no! I think Andrea's head is stuck between the rungs of the ladder!

NTD: How would you know? She hasn't even tried to pull her head out yet!

Curry: It could still be stuck!

NTD: Yeah, and I'm a salesman for Dress Pants International. Calm down, Curry.

Magnifico begins climbing to his feet slightly after McCheese begins climbing to his feet. Magnifico and McCheese reach their feet at virtually the same time. Both notice each other from across the ring, and look around for some sort of advantage. The first thing either of them come to, of course, are ladders. Magnifico grabs a nearby ladder on the ground, while McCheese grabs the ladder that's already set-up, then folds it up and approaches Magnifico. McCheese swings at Magnifico, but Magnifico blocks it with his ladder and takes a swing of his own! McCheese quickly blocks it, and Magnifico and McCheese begin exchanging and blocking ladder shots, the crowd's reaction growing with every block!

NTD: Yay! Ladder fighting!

Curry: This is quite odd…..

McCheese rears back and takes a big swing at Magnifico, but Magnifico is able to sidestep the ladder and smack McCheese in the back with his ladder! The crowd Oooohs as McCheese lets go of the ladder and falls on all fours. Magnifico rears back with the ladder and smacks McCheese right in the back, knocking the Mayor down to the mat! The crowd begins to boo again as Magnifico sets up the ladder underneath the title and begins climbing it. Andrea slowly begins to struggle to her feet, pulling the ladder up with her by her head.

Curry: Her head IS stuck inside the ladder!

NTD: Damn! (whips out cell phone and dials a number) Hello? Mr. Murphy? Would you be interested in a pair of lovely dress pants?

Andrea stands to her feet, the ladder stuck on her shoulder. Andrea turns around, unwittingly hitting the side of the ladder and knocking it down! Magnifico falls off of the collapsing ladder and crashes into the mat, back first! As this is happening, McCheese is pushing himself to his feet. As he reaches his feet, Andrea turns around again, smacking McCheese in the side of the head with the ladder! McCheese falls back down to the mat, his hand on the side of his head. The crowd cheers/laughs as Andrea pulls the ladder off of her head and looks around. Noticing that everyone has been taken out one way or another, Andrea shrugs and begins to set up the ladder underneath the title.

Curry: That's rather convenient for Andrea. She knocked out McCheese and Magnifico without even knowing about it, and Storm seems to still be quite out of it from the McCheese Bomb off of the ladder.

NTD: Too convenient, if you ask me! It was Andrea in the Observatory with a Wrench!

Curry: We aren't playing Clue, NTD.

NTD: This isn't a game, Curry! Andrea has committed a very serious crime!

Andrea begins slowly climbing the ladder, her shoulders seemingly damaged from the Baja California Crusher into the ladder. Andrea is almost halfway up the ladder when Storm begins to stir! An excited murmur runs through the shocked crowd as Storm begins to slowly, surely push himself to his feet. Storm is finally able to stand up and stumble into the ropes as Andrea is about 5 rungs from the top of the ladder. Storm notices that Andrea is climbing up the ladder, and slowly bends down and grabs the ladder McCheese recently dropped. Storm picks up the ladder, holds it high over his head…….then drives it forward, right into Andrea's back! Andrea lets go of the ladder and arches her back in pain as the ladder is knocked down from the force of the blow! The ladder falls onto the top rope to the left of the ramp. Andrea lays on the ladder until it as it bounces on the top rope. Storm drops the ladder he used to strike Andrea, then grabs the ladder Andrea is laying on and pulls it off of the ropes, dropping Andrea to the mat.

Curry: What an amazing comeback from Storm! I'm surprised his neck hasn't been fractured or broken or anything!

NTD: Calm down, Curry! You'd think this would break someone's neck! (chops Curry in the back of the neck. Curry falls onto the desk, unmoving, as NTD shrieks in terror.)

NTD:AHHHH!! I've killed Curry! Why god why!! (Curry sits back up, a big smile on his face.)

Curry: Gotcha.

NTD: That is NOT funny! No fruitcake for you this Christmas, mister!!

Storm, with one hand on his neck as he acts, pulls the ladder off of the top rope and begins setting it up underneath the title. Storm begins to climb, but notices McCheese struggling to his feet out of the corner of his eye. Storm seems to forget about climbing the ladder, instead grabbing McCheese by the hair and pulling him to his feet. McCheese tries to twist out of Storm's grip, but Storm holds on tight as he rears back and nails McCheese in the chin with a right punch. McCheese is backed up into the nearby corner. Storm stomps away at McCheese's gut a few times, then grabs McCheese by the top of his tights and lifts him onto the top rope. Storm places McCheese's legs behind the ropes, then begins to climb up to the top himself. Storm reaches the top rope and grabs McCheese by the hair once more, pulling him to his feet on the top rope. Storm quickly applies a Front Waistlock, eliciting excited yells and boos from the crowd. Storm tries to lift McCheese for a Super Belly-to-Belly Suplex, but McCheese quickly lifts his arm up and delivers an elbow straight into Storm's damaged shoulder, stopping Storm before he can complete the suplex! McCheese lifts his leg up, driving it in between Storm's legs with a blatant low blow! Storm releases the hold and doubles over in pain to loud cheering from the relieved crowd. McCheese slowly makes his way to the side of Storm, with one foot on the turnbuckle and one on the top rope. McCheese faces the same direction as Storm as McCheese, hooks his left leg around Storm's right leg, then hooks his left arm around Storm's head with a Reverse Face Lock!

Curry: Oh no! If McCheese didn't do it before, this'll definitely damage Storm's neck now!

NTD: Hooray for McCheese!

McCheese holds the position for a few seconds, taking in the crowd's cheers as breathes deeply, exhausted from the competition. McCheese suddenly dives backwards off of the top rope, driving Storm's head into the mat with a Top Rope Russian Leg Sweep Reverse DDT! A slight cracking sound is heard, but it is quickly drowned out by the cheering crowd! McCheese and Storm lay on the mat, both staring upwards towards the lights.

Curry: Super Russian Leg Sweep Reverse DDT!! What an amazing maneuver from McCheese!

NTD: Aw, Storm's neck isn't broken at all! He's still breathing!

Curry: You are a sick person, NTD.

NTD: Thanks for ze compliment!

As McCheese and Storm lay on the mat, Magnifico and Andrea are climbing to their feet. Magnifco makes his way to his feet a few seconds before Andrea and begins climbing the still-set-up ladder in the middle of the ring. Andrea reaches her feet and begins climbing the other side of the ladder, seemingly unaware of Magnifico. Magnifico is slightly ahead of Andrea as he is about 6 rungs away from the top. Andrea climbs slightly quicker than Magnifico, creating a neck and neck race to the top as excited cheers and yells emanate from the crowd, who rise out of their seats once more as Magnifico and Andrea approach the top. Magnifico and Andrea's heads come above the top of the ladder, and the two seem to see each other for the first time. Magnifico and Andrea climb one or two more rungs, then Magnifico rears back and nails Andrea in the face! Andrea nearly falls off of the ladder, but instead rears back and returns with a blow of her own! The two begin to exchange blows on the top of the ladder as the crowd's slightly nervous cheering grows ever louder! McCheese manages to push himself to his feet as this is happening, and notices Magnifico and Andrea brawling on the top of the ladder. An exhausted look crosses over McCheese's face as he grabs the ladder and begins to push it over! Magnifico and Andrea notice the sudden downward motion of the ladder, and quickly grab onto the LHW Title strung above the ring! The ladder falls beneath them, leaving Andrea and Magnifico stranded some 15-20 feet above the ring, gripping the title with all they've got!

Curry: My god! Andrea and Magnifico are stranded over the ring, clutching the Light Heayweight Title desperately!

NTD: Wooo, Magnifico and Andrea are stranded together. I hear that Magnifico is a pretty sneaky fellow, if you get my drift.

Curry: Yes, I got your drift. Stop eating Mexican food before the shows, NTD!

Magnifico and Andrea suddenly begin kicking away at each other, trying to knock each other off of the title and down to the mat! McCheese looks around desperately for something to knock them down, rolling outside to get a weapon as Andrea and Magnifico continue to kick away at each other! McCheese reaches under the ring and rummages around under there for a few seconds before coming up with a steel chair! The crowd cheers loudly as McCheese rolls back into the ring, wielding a steel chair. Magnifico and Andrea continue to kick away at each other as McCheese positions himself beneath them. McCheese rears back with the chair, and then throws it straight up into the air at Magnifico and Andrea! The chair grazes Andrea, not hitting her enough to knock her down, but distracting her enough so that Magnifico can swing back, extend his legs, and drive them right into Andrea’s gut! Andrea is forced to release her grip on the title, leaving her to fall over 15 feet to the mat!! Flashbulbs explode from every corner of the arena, lighting Andrea’s descent as she crashes into the mat, back-first! Andrea lets out a cry of pain as she sickeningly bounces off of the mat while the shocked crowd lets out a loud yell of surprise and concern!

Curry: Andrea was knocked off of the title and fell all the way to the ground!! I think she needs medical attention, right now!

NTD: Forget that! We’ve still got a match going on! And from the looks of it, Magnifico might have it won right here!

Curry: You might be right, NTD! Magnifico has begun to free the title from it’s hanging place!

Magnifico begins pulling away at the title, trying to unhinge it. McCheese, now desperate, picks up one of the ladders in the ring as Magnifico continues to struggle with the title. McCheese rears the ladder over his head, then swings forward with it, missing Magnifico’s foot by mere inches! The crowd lets out a loud Oooh as McCheese rears back with the ladder once more, swings it forward, and smacks Magnifico right in the ankle! Magnifico lets out a loud cry of pain and anguish as he releases the title and begins to fall to the mat! The flashbulbs return once more, bathing Magnifico in light as he crashes into the mat, back-first! Magnifico bounces off of the mat, then lies motionless, face-down on the mat.

Curry: Magnifico is out too! McCheese has taken out Magnifico, and the path to the Light Heavyweight Title seems to be all clear for him!

NTD: Not if Storm has anything to do with it. He’s beginning to get to his feet!

Curry. Amazing! Storm must want the Title more than any of us thought.

McCheese begins to set up the ladder, seemingly unaware that Storm is rising to his feet behind him. McCheese finishes setting up the ladder and begins climbing it as Storm reaches his feet. Storm notices McCheese climbing the ladder, and slowly grabs another nearby ladder and begins setting it up as McCheese slowly climbs. Storm finishes setting up the ladder, which is only a few inches away from McCheese’s, and begins climbing it, climbing up the opposite side as McCheese. McCheese is about halfway up as Storm begins climbing, and a worried crowd begins to chant in support of McCheese. A chant of, “Let’s go Mc-Cheese! Clap-clap-clapclapclap! Let’s go Mc-Cheese! Clap-clap-clapclapclap!” echoes throughout the arena as McCheese approaches the top. McCheese is on the third-to-last rung on the ladder, and begins painfully reaching at the title as Storm moves up on him. McCheese moves up one more rung and reaches again, his hand mere inches away from the title as Storm approaches the top. McCheese slowly climbs up to the second to last rung and reaches for the title, which is almost within his grasp………….but Storm suddenly rears back and strikes McCheese in the gut, doubling him over! McCheese stands on the second to last rung, momentarily stunned, as Storm climbs onto the very top of the ladder and stands up on the top! Storm reaches for the title, but the ladder he set up is too far away from the title! Storm grits his teeth, then grabs McCheese by the hair and pulls him onto the ladder, face-first! Storm sits down on McCheese’s back and slowly grabs each of McCheese’s legs. The crowd stands up and begins to murmur and yell in anticipation as Storm grabs McCheese’s legs.

Curry: Storm has prevented McCheese from grabbing the title, and now it looks like he’s going to try some sort of submission on top of two ladders!

NTD: Not just any submission, Curry! Look out, McCheese, because here comes the Storm Deathlock!!

Storm suddenly stands up on the ladder, his knees bent, and begins to pull back on McCheese’s legs, tearing at the muscle in McCheese’s legs with the Storm Deathlock on the top of the ladder!! Half of the crowd cheers in amazement, while the other half is too busy booing Storm. McCheese cries out in pain as Storm pulls harder and harder on the legs, seemingly forgetting about how one wins the match. Storm finally releases the hold, leaving McCheese lying on the top of the ladder, breathing deeply and not moving. Storm stands straight up on the top turnbuckle and reaches for the title, but suddenly, McCheese scissors Storm’s ankle with his legs! McCheese begins to slide off of the top of the ladder, dragging Storm with him as Storm desperately snatches at the title! McCheese slides off of the ladder, falling down to the mat and dragging Storm off of the ladder with him! The crowd lets out another loud OOOH!! as McCheese crashes into the mat, face-first, followed shortly by Storm, who falls on his back only a few inches away from McCheese! The crowd begins to cheer in appreciation as McCheese and Storm lay on the mat, seemingly lifeless.

Curry: Dear lord!! McCheese sacrificed himself to prevent Storm from winning the match! What courage!

NTD: Bah! Damn courage. Courage, bravery, and sensitivity should all be expelled from one’s mind if they are to be successful in life.

Curry: Have you been brainwashed again, NTD?

NTD: I haven’t NOT been brainwashed!

As Storm and McCheese lay on the mat, recovering from their most recent injuries, Magnifico and Andrea begin climbing to their feet, apparently done recovering from theirs. Andrea rises to her feet first and begins climbing the ladder directly underneath the title. Magnifico gets to his feet a few seconds afterwards, and notices Andrea climbing up the ladder. Magnifico grabs the steel chair McCheese used to knock him down, then begins climbing the ladder Storm set up on the opposite side Andrea is climbing. Andrea climbs slightly faster than Magnifico, as she has both hands free. The crowd’s cheering becomes louder and louder as she nears the top of the ladder, with Magnifico trailing close behind. Andrea stands straight up on the second-to-last rung, but the title hangs a few inches above her outstretched arm. This pause gives Magnifico enough time to catch up with Andrea, reaching the second-to-last rung as Andrea steps up to the last rung. Andrea begins to reach for the title once more, when she sees Magnifico out of the corner of her eye, steel chair still in hand. Andrea rears back and tries to strike Magnifico, but Magnifico quickly holds the steel chair up in front of Andrea’s fist, creating a loud CLANG! as it blocks the punch! Andrea snaps back her arm, trying to shake off the pain in her hand as Magnifico climbs up to the very top of the ladder. Magnifico stands straight up on his ladder, the chair in both hands, and waits for Andrea to turn towards him. Andrea leaves her hand alone and turns back towards Magnifico, at which point Magnifico tosses the chair to Andrea! Andrea instinctively catches the chair, despite the warning yells from the crowd. Magnifico grins to himself, then jumps into the air, extends his legs………and drives them into the chair, nailing a Spanish Conquestor on Andrea from the top of the ladder!! Andrea releases the chair and falls all the way back down to the mat, her hands on her face and noise until she crashes into the mat, at which point she goes completely limp! Magnifico, on the other hand, isn’t able to land on top of the ladder, and half falls half rolls down the ladder, knocking both ladders down in the process as the crowd cheers! Magnifico collides with the mat shoulder-first, eliciting a cry of pain out of the luchadore! All 4 competitors lay on the mat, unmoving, as the crowd stands up and cheers in appreciation!

Curry: Spanish Conquestor from ladder to ladder!!! Did I just see that?!

NTD: I didn’t see any such thing! You need to change your contacts, Curry!

Curry: Really. Well, let’s see a replay of the last event.

(The last scene is played on the screen, complete with the shocked crowd’s reaction and the loud thuds generated when Andrea and Magnifico fall into the mat.)

Curry: Incredible. And now that all four competitors are down, it’s anyone’s guess who will win this match.

The crowd noise continues to build as all four competitors lay on the mat, barely moving after being taken out one way or another. Chants begin to circulate throughout the audience. One section of the arena begins to chant, “An-dre-a! An-dre-a!” another chants, “Mc-Cheese! Clapclapclap! Mc-Cheese! Clapclapclap!” some fans cheer for Storm and Magnifico, but they are drowned out by the much louder chants for the faces. Suddenly, Storm begins to stir, rolling onto his stomach and beginning to push himself to his feet. Storm slowly pushes himself to all fours as McCheese begins to stir as well. With a burst of strength, Storm is able to push himself to his feet and stumble into the ropes for balance. Storm leans on the ropes for a few seconds, breathing deeply, then pushes himself off of the ropes and grabs one of the ladders. Storm slowly begins to set up the ladder in his hands as McCheese is on all fours. Storm begins to slowly climb the ladder as McCheese pushes himself to his feet. McCheese notices Storm making his way up the ladder ever so slowly. McCheese walks over to one of the nearby ladders and lifts it up, then begins setting it up a few inches away from Storm’s ladder. McCheese begins climbing up his ladder, only this time on the same side as Storm.

Curry: Here we go again. Storm and McCheese are climbing for the title once more.

NTD: It’ll be a bit more exciting this time! Look, storm is trying to kick McCheese off of his ladder!

Storm begins to kick away at McCheese, trying to knock him off the ladder, but McCheese is able to dodge most of the kicks as he continues to climb. McCheese comes neck-and-neck with Storm as they reach the halfway point on the ladder, and McCheese begins delivering kicks of his own in Storm’s direction. Storm continues to climb, virtually unhindered by McCheese’s kicks. As this is happening, Andrea has begun pushing herself to her feet as Storm and McCheese are about five rungs away from the top of the ladder. Andrea is able to struggle to her feet, stumbling around a bit in the ring before steadying herself. Andrea looks up and notices Storm and McCheese, vying for position as they climb towards the Title. Andrea looks around the ring and finds another ladder lying on the mat. Andrea picks up the ladder, walks to the side of Storm’s ladder, and begins setting up the ladder about a foot away from Storm’s. Andrea begins to climb her ladder as Storm and McCheese approach the title, still vying for position.

Curry: Andrea has joined in on the race for the Title, but it may be too late! Storm and McCheese are already almost at the top!

NTD: From the looks of it, McCheese and Storm are too busy bickering with each other to grab the title.

Curry: Even so, McCheese and Storm are bound to take one or the other out before Andrea can get to the title.

McCheese and Storm are both on the second-to-last rung as Andrea slowly but surely makes her way up their ladder. McCheese reaches for the title, but Storm smacks away McCheese’s arm and reaches towards the title himself. McCheese, who now seems to be fairly irate, suddenly steps off of his ladder and onto Storm’s, stepping right in front of Storm! The crowd cheers as McCheese steps towards the title and begins reaching towards it! But before McCheese can grab the title, Storm grabs McCheese around the waist, locking in a Reverse Waistlock! The fans begin to stand up and murmur excitedly as Storm holds McCheese in a Reverse Waistlock near the top of the ladder!

NTD: Whoo! Looks like revenge for all the punishment McCheese dished out before!

Curry: Revenge is a dish best served violent, apparently!

Storm continues to hold McCheese in the Reverse Waistlock as the crowd’s murmuring turns to impatient yells and boos. Suddenly, Storm falls backwards off of the ladder, pulling McCheese off with him! Dozens of flashbulbs explode from the crowd, light Storm’s and McCheese’s path to the mat as Storm drives McCheese into the mat with a Super German Suplex off the ladder!! The crowd lets out an impressed/shocked yell as McCheese bounces sickeningly off of the mat, then comes to a rest face-down on the mat! McCheese is unmoving and has his eyes closed as Storm lays flat on his back, staring straight up at the blinding house lights.

Curry: Oh my god!! Revenge is right, NTD! Storm just destroyed McCheese with that awesome German Suplex from the ladder!

NTD: That was pretty cool, but take a look at Andrea! She’s at the top of her ladder!

February 28, 2002

Annnnd here's the rest...

__

Curry: Oh my god!! Revenge is right, NTD! Storm just destroyed McCheese with that awesome German Suplex from the ladder!

NTD: That was pretty cool, but take a look at Andrea! She’s at the top of her ladder!

Curry: Hey, you’re right! But her ladder is too far away from the title. How will she get it?

NTD: What do I look like, a professor??

Curry: No, you look like a pantsless weirdo.

NTD: Oh good

Andrea stands up on the top of her ladder, the title way out of her reach. Andrea seems to notice that McCheese’s and Storm’s ladders are still set up. A grin comes across Andrea’s face as she steps onto Storm’s ladder, and the crowd begins to cheer again as Andrea slowly walks across the ladders towards the Title! As Andrea carefully makes her way onto the ladder, Magnifico has managed to push himself to his feet, leaning against the ropes for support. Magnifico looks up and notices Andrea steadily walking across the ladders. Magnifico begins muttering to himself in Spanish as he pushes himself off of the ropes. Andrea is about to step onto the ladder right beneath the title, but Magnifico suddenly grabs it and pushes it over! The crowd boos as the ladder topples to the ground, leaving Andrea stranded on the top of the ladder. Magnifico laughs to himself as he grabs the ladder that Andrea is standing on, apparently ready to push it over. Andrea bites her lip as she stares longingly at the Title. Magnifico pushes over the ladder, but not before Andrea leaps off of the ladder and towards the title!!

Curry: Oh no!! Andrea can’t make that jump!

NTD: Look out below!

Flashbulb explosions light Andrea’s leap as she comes so close to the Title. Andrea is able to get one hand on the title…………..but it slips off, leaving Andrea to fall to the mat!! The crowd lets out a loud AAAAHH!! as Andrea helplessly falls to the mat, flailing her arms in a desperate attempt to stop herself! Andrea crashes awkwardly into the mat, bouncing a few feet into the air before laying on the mat in a twisted, unnatural position!

Curry: No! No! Andrea needs help, right this minute!!

NTD: You’re no fun, Curry! I say, as long as they breathe, a medical team of they have no need!

Curry: Catchy.

NTD: Thank you.

Magnifico examines Andrea for a few seconds, seemingly thinking about what to do……….then rolls out of to the ring and searches underneath it for a few seconds, before coming up with a wooden table! Magnifico drags the table out from under the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Magnifico slides the table into the ring, then slides in himself as his three opponents are seemingly still out of it. Magnifico walks over to Andrea, carrying the table, and sets the table up right next to her. While this is happening, Storm has begun to rise to his feet, seemingly unknown to Magnifico. Magnifico finishes setting up the table, and grabs Andrea by the arm and pulls her to her feet, then rolls her onto the table. Magnifico makes sure Andrea is centered on the table, then turns to climb one of the ladders. However, Magnifico turns right into a recovered Storm, who kicks Magnifico right in the gut, doubling him over! Storm quickly locks in a standing head-scissors, hooks Magnifico’s arms……..then lifts Magnifico up, pulls him backwards, and sits down, driving the top of Magnifico’s head into the mat with the Eye of the Storm! Magnifico falls to the mat, unmoving, as the crowd cheers and yells and boos all at the same time.

Curry: Eye of the Storm! Storm hit the Eye of the Storm on Magnifico! Storm might have it here!

NTD: Now, all he has to do is climb a ladder and grab a title…..not so easy, as we’ve seen in this match thus far.

Storm slowly pushes himself to his feet, then grabs Magnifico by the hair and pulls him to his feet as well. Storm rolls Magnifico onto the table, placing him next to Andrea. Storm makes sure the two are OK on the table, then grabs one of the already-set-up ladders and pulls it so that it’s lined up with the edge of the table. Storm begins slowly climbing up the ladder as Magnifico and Andrea lay on the table, unmoving. Storm is so engrossed with Andrea and Magnifico, that he doesn’t even notice McCheese pushing himself to his feet behind him! McCheese steadies himself on his feet, slightly doubled over in pain, then slowly begins following Storm up the ladder. Storm doesn’t even seem to notice McCheese following him as he reaches the halfway point on the ladder.

Curry: Does Storm even realize that he’s being followed here?

NTD: I think Storm is waaaaay too out of it to even notice, Curry.

Storm slowly approaches the top of the ladder as McCheese follows close behind. The fans slowly rise out of their seats again, their murmurs and cheers growing louder with every step. Everyone has their eyes on Storm and McCheese, and no one seems to notice Silencer running down the ramp, a determined look in his eyes. Storm reaches the top of the ladder as Silencer approaches the ring. Storm stands straight up on the top of the ladder, and a wave of flashbulbs capture the image as Storm stands above everything on top of the ladder. Suddenly, McCheese comes up from behind, giving Storm a low blow! Storm doubles over on the top rope as Silencer slides into the ring. McCheese slowly climbs up to the top of the ladder, right behind Storm. McCheese slowly puts his arms under Storm’s armpits, locking him into a Full Nelson from behind! The crowd’s murmurs and yells turn to all-out screaming in anticipation, as McCheese holds Storm in the Full Nelson on top of the ladder!

Curry: Oh no…..you don’t think……

NTD: Wow, that’s even a bit much for me.

Curry: Somebody’s got to stop him! (Curry stands up and begins waving his arms) Don’t do it, McCheese! It’s not worth it!!

McCheese looks up towards the lights, his eyes closed as he breathes in deeply. McCheese’s eyes fly open, and he jumps off of the ladder, Storm in tow!! McCheese falls towards the table that has Magnifico and Andrea on it, still holding onto the Full Nelson on Storm!! Thousands upon thousands of flashbulbs explode, bathing the image in a white sea of light. Suddenly, Silencer grabs Magnifico by the arm and drags him off of the table! McCheese and Storm seem stay suspended in mid-air for minutes, even hours, as the crowd suddenly goes silent………………

McCheese and Storm fall through the table onto Andrea, shattering it as McCheese nails the Hamburglar off of the top of the ladder!!! The amazed crowd begins cheering and chanting as McCheese, Andrea, and Storm lay in a pile of wrecked table! The entire crowd begins to chant, “I-G-N!! I-G-N!! I-G-N!!”, as Silencer looks on at the carnage spewed out before him.

Curry: NO!! DEAR GOD NO!! ANDREA IS OUT! STORM IS OUT! MCCHEESE IS OUT!! WE NEED EMT’S, RIGHT NOW!!

NTD: Hamburglar off of the top of the ladder through a table!!! That was incredible!!

Curry: Dammit!! They need medical attention! This match needs to be stopped!

NTD: Wait! Magnifico is still OK! This match might be over anyway!

Silencer pulls Magnifico to his feet, trying to get him to come to. Magnifico is finally able to steady himself on his two feet, using the ropes for balance. Silencer lets go of Magnifico for a second and grabs the ladder that McCheese and Storm just flew off of. Silencer pulls the ladder beneath the title, then yells at Magnifico while pointing upwards at the Title. Magnifico nods, exhausted, and begins climbing the ladder as the crowd begins to boo with the same intensity with which they were just cheering.

Curry: This isn’t right. This just isn’t right. Andrea, Storm and McCheese may have damn well given their careers here tonight, but Magnifico is going to steal the victory.

NTD: Whoo! Now THAT’S how you win a match!

Magnifico slowly climbs the ladder as Silencer cheers him on. The crowd’s booing only grows in intensity as Magnifico approaches the top, and a few pieces of garbage begin to fly into the ring. A bag of popcorn hits Silencer in the head, and Silencer turns to see who threw it as Magnifico reaches the top. Magnifico stands straight up on the ladder, reaches up for the title……and grasps it with both hands, pulling it off of the hook!! The ref signals for the bell as the garbage continues to fly into the ring.

DING DING DING

Funyon. Your winner, and the NEW, IGNWF Light Heavyweight Champion………El Luchadoooooooorre Magnificooooooo!!

The crowd only becomes more irate at the mention of Magnifico’s name and by the Mexican National Anthem, which is now playing through the speakers. Magnifico begins to climb down the ladder, clutching the title with his life, as Silencer smiles and applauds. Magnifico reaches the mat, and Silencer begins to help Magnifico out of the ring, garbage wizzing by their heads.

Curry: Well I don’t like it, and the fans sure as hell don’t like it, but Magnifico is your new Light Heavyweight Champion.

NTD: I think there’s someone else who isn’t happy with it…….look, Wilson and Hville Thugg are coming down the ramp!

Curry: What? What are they doing here?

Thugg and Wilson slowly saunter down the ramp, a cold glare in their eyes. Magnifico and Silencer stop dead in their tracks, a scared look crossing their faces. Silencer lets go of Magnifico and mutters some instructions to Magnifico. Magnifico slowly nods. Silencer and Magnifico begin to walk up the ramp to meet Thugg and Wilson, but Magnifico suddenly stops in his tracks! Silencer turns around, wondering what Magnifico is doing, but Magnifico just smiles and points behind Silencer. Silencer turns towards Thugg and Wilson, fearing the worst…………….and gets it, as Thugg wraps his huge hand around Silencer’s throat! Silencer flails his arms and legs, desperately trying to escape, but Thugg keeps his grip tight as Wilson looks on and laughs.

Curry: What is going on here?? Why on Earth is Thugg attacking Silencer? And why isn’t Magnifico helping him?

Thugg lifts Silencer high into the air, holding him by his throat for almost five seconds, then spins around once and drives Silencer down into the steel ramp with the Untamed!! Silencer bounces off of the steel before coming to a rest, painfully arching his back in pain. Thugg and Wilson begin stomping away at Silencer as Silencer lays on the ramp, helpless. Suddenly, Magnifico gets in Thugg’s and Wilson’s faces, telling them to back off……….then kneels down and begins choking the life out of Silencer! The crowd becomes as profane as ever, resuming its garbage throwing and cursing as Magnifico chokes Silencer!

Curry: What the hell is this? Silencer just helped Magnifico win the Light Heavyweight Title, for God’s sakes!

Magnifico stands up, spitting on Silencer’s crumpled form before heading to the back, with Wilson and Thugg helping him up the ramp. The three pause at the top of the ramp, turning to face the crowd and raising their arms together as triumphant smiles cross their faces.

NTD: Magnifico has joined Wilson! Magnifico has turned his back on Prime Evil and has joined Wilson!

Curry: That means….that means that Magnifico’s words to Silencer before the match was just a setup! This whole damn thing was a setup!

Thugg, Wilson and Magnifico hold the pose for a few more seconds, Magnifico holding his newly-won title high in the air, before turning their backs to the audience and disappearing behind the back curtain.

Curry: Shocking. Absolutely shocking. Why would Magnifico do something like this, especially after Silencer helped Magnifico to win the title?

NTD: That’s what promos are for, Curry! We’ll find out soon enough.

Curry: Not soon enough for me…….anyway folks, stick around, because we’ve still got a phenomenal Main Event in store for you!

NTD: That’s right! Bobby Riley, Mark Stevens, Mercury, Chris Wilson, and Perfect Bo will tangle for the richest prize in our industry……the IGNWF World Heavyweight Championship.

Curry: Let’s show you how this match came to be….

(Scene cuts to a video montage of the past few weeks events……)

February 28, 2002

My best match is a toss up, so I won't actually post as that would mean two matches *gulp*

Buuuut, I'd give it to either my Non-Title Egg-Nog match against Sydney Sky that set up the famous/infamous Date promo series, or my JL World Title win, which was some of my best spot work yet.

Maybe someone should start a 'worst winning match thread' I have one that easily fits. Unfortunately it's also historic due to future planning

ugh.....

-Annie E

February 28, 2002

My best match so far was against Ash Ketchum.

The best match I've lost was against K-Os, at Code Red. But, muahahahaha... we may dance the waltz of death again!

I'd post the Ash match, but I'm too lazy and I'm sure nobody cares. Yeah. Go me.

March 1, 2002

My best was probably back when I won the JL World Title in July. That was fun. Second would pobably be a month later when I gave Kruger his first loss. Since then, I've written nothing to really write home about.

March 1, 2002

Hmm... I'm not sure. I only have limited matches on this hard drive. What can I see that I liked... Hmm... I liked my last match... I liked the Genesis II match... Meh. For now, here's my losing world title match to Magnifico. Enjoy folks... I liked it.

IGNWF Storm World Title First Blood Match

El Luchador Magnifico © vs. Axis – Axis’ Match

IGNWF Storm comes back onto the air, fresh after it’s last commercial break for the night. And who is on the screen? None other than… Axis! He walks down one of the many corridors that the XCEL Centre contains, looking extremely intense and psyched up. As Axis passes the camera, it flips around to watch him head off into the distance.

“…And there is Axis,” Curry notes for the fans at home. “He is the man that, in just moments, will challenge El Luchador Magnifico of the IGNWO for the IGNWF World Heavyweight championship. Welcome back to Storm folks, I am Curry Man, sitting alongside NTD.”

NTD confirms that statement. “Yup. He’s Curry Man, and he’s sitting next to me, NTD. It’s been a big night, our second last show, before the upcoming October PPV. Which, asks the question of why the hell this match was booked?”

“I’ve been puzzled over that myself, NTD. King of Hearts became the number one contender on IGNite earlier this week... But Axis ends up getting a shot on Storm? I can only assume that the King will face the winner of this match at the PPV. But right now, we are up for one hell of a match. Axis is coming off a few wins, and has been regaining momentum ever since he lost to Chris Wilson a few weeks ago. Magnifico has been gaining momentum for months, with only a few slip ups.”

“Bah! Magnifico shouldn’t have to defend the belt against this big bastard! He’s not the number one contender! Anyway, Magnifico will destroy Axis.”

“It could happen. This is a first blood match, which I think greatly favours Magnifico. We know Magnifico isn’t afraid to spill some blood, to say the least.”

“Any match favours Magnifico!” NTD claims. “Magnifico is FAR better than Axis. I mean, he’s the World champion! You can’t be better than the World champion! Despite Axis not deserving this match at all, I suppose it’s a reason to see Magnifico kick ass.”

“Axis not deserving it!?” Curry cannot believe it. “Meh… Whatever you say NTD. But enough talking. Let’s get onto the main event! Funyon, it’s all yours…”

“The next match is scheduled for one fall, and is a first blood match for the IGNWF World Heavyweight title! The first person to draw blood from the other is the World champion!”

Limp Bizkit’s “Nobody Like You” explodes throughout the arena, as do the cheers of the IGNWO hating fans. Axis appears at the top of the ramp, and begins making his way down to the ring, completely focused on the job at hand.

“Introducing first, the challenger, from Adelaide, Australia, weighing in at 301lbs, Axxxxxiiiissssssssss!”

Axis slides into the ring, immediately jumping back up to his feet. He has a few quick words with the referee, before standing focused on the entrance way.

“…Axis really is focused here,” Curry observes. “Not a single bit of fanfare on his ring entrance.”

“Well, what do you expect?” NTD retorts. “It’s a World title match, against El Luchador Magnifico! If Axis isn’t completely at his best, Magnifico will make even shorter work of him!”

The first few notes of the Mexican national anthem play, and the arena is shrouded in blackness. The crowd voices their disapproval, booing Magnifico before he even shows his face. Red and orange pyro bursts light up the arena, and the Mexican national anthem resumes playing. Magnifico appears at the top of the ramp, the World title strapped around his waist, and Mexican flag in his hand. He quickly begins to walk down to the ring.

“And now making his way to the ring, the champion, from Mexico City, weighing in at 190lbs, he represents the IGNWO, he is the IGNWF World Heavyweight champion, El, Luchaaaaaaaadddddoooooor, Maaaaaaaggggggggniffffffffffffffffffffficooooo!”

Magnifico jumps up the steps and enters the ring, still waving his Mexican flag. He carefully hands it to the referee, and warns him not to do any damage to it, before whipping the World title off of his waist and throwing it on the mat.

“Magnifico doesn’t give a damn about the World title,” Curry says, not happy about Magnifico’s attitude.

“Why should he?” NTD asks. “Your national flag is much more important that a stupid belt.”

“The belt is stupid?” Curry cannot believe what he is hearing. “You suck more than JD, NTD.”

“Curry…” NTD seems hurt by the remark. “Man, that is just taking it too far…”

Curry decides to retract his statement. “Yeah, true. I apologise NTD.”

“Apology accepted. Anyways, come on Magnifico! Beat his head in!”

As the flag is taken from the referee, he quickly picks the World title back off the ground. He quickly dusts it off, before raising the belt high into the air, calling for the bell.

* DING * DING * DING *

Magnifico gets caught up with the fans booing him profusely, ignoring Axis and in stead opting to yell Mexican insults towards the crowd. Finally, as Magnifico turns back to Axis, Axis makes an attempt to catch Magnifico by surprise, leaping towards him in an attempt to tie up. However, Magnifico is far to quick for Axis, easily ducking under the big man’s grasp. Magnifico shoots himself into the ropes, dashing back towards Axis, who has barely turned around in time to face Magnifico. Jumping into the air, Magnifico puts as much power behind his arm as he possibly can, as it smashes across the throat of Axis to take him down to the mat with a leaping clothesline! Magnifico is right back up, ready to unleash some more hurt on the challenger. Staggering up to his feet, Axis looks around for Magnifico. And it doesn’t take Axis long to find Magnifico, as he turns around to receive a solid dropkick to the face!

Axis doesn’t quite fall down this time though, but is knocked off balance enough to send him staggering backward into the ropes. Magnifico quickly follows up the dropkick, grabbing Axis’ arm just moments after he hits them. He then whips Axis off the ropes, sending Axis running back towards him. Leaping forwards, Magnifico extends both of his feet once more, for another dropkick. This one however, connects with the right knee of Axis, and the big man collapses to the canvas, grabbing at his knee in pain!!

“Ouch,” NTD groans, as if he felt the impact. “That move HAD to hurt! Axis’ knee almost bent the wrong way!”

“Even worse,” Curry adds, “is that that is the knee that Chris Storm focused almost all of his offence on during his match against Axis on IGNite. I think Magnifico has done his homework, and is looking to finish off Axis quick.”

“Homework?” NTD asks vaguely. “Wrestler’s get homework! Ha! I never did!”

Magnifico takes advantage of the floored Axis, dropping an elbow right across his throat. Magnifico accelerates, jumping back up to his feet, and dropping the elbow across the throat again… Again… Again… And yet again! Four lightening quick elbow drops to the throat from the champion to the challenger! Axis rolls over onto his side, and begins to push himself up to one knee. Magnifico, content that he has done enough damage for the moment, slows down the pace of the mat. He pulls back his arm… Then thrusts it upward into the throat of Axis! The force of the move actually stands Axis up to his feet, turning him around one eighty degrees, facing away from Magnifico. He walks over to the corner, in an attempt to shake off the effects of Magnifico’s onslaught.

Almost licking his lips at the opportunity, Magnifico sizes up Axis’ right knee, and begins charging towards it at a moderate pace. He leaps forward, shoulder first… And slides under the top turnbuckle, just narrowly falling short of hitting his head on the ring post!! Axis manages to step away at the last second, forcing the error! Magnifico slides back out from under the turnbuckle, getting back up to his feet in a matter of seconds. Magnifico hits Axis in the face with a few right hands, before grabbing his arm and attempting to whip him into the ropes. This time however, Axis is up to the challenge, and uses his strength to his advantage to reverse the Irish whip on Magnifico. As Magnifico thunders back off the ropes towards Axis, Axis raises his arms into position, and just as Magnifico runs past Axis, Axis grabs Magnifico, spins around in a half circle and plants Magnifico into the mat with a powerslam!

“Bah!” NTD spits in disgust. “Comon’ people! This is a FIRST BLOOD match! You are supposed to hit each other with foreign objects to win the match, not use wrestling moves!”

“That’s a valid point, NTD,” Curry agrees. “We haven’t even seen the hint of something illegal so far. I suspect that shan’t take much longer to change…”

Axis instinctively begins to hook a leg, but quickly remembers that it’s a first blood match. He drags his arm away from Magnifico’s leg, grabbing Magnifico by the face with both hands. He begins lifting the World champion up to his feet, keeping him at bay with several stiff right hands to the face. He then pushes Magnifico back slightly, before throwing him by the arm as hard as he possibly can towards the ropes. Magnifico wraps his arm over the top rope in an attempt to stop himself, but instead, it causes him to flip over the top rope and fall to the floor! Axis doesn’t waste any time by himself in the ring, quickly following Magnifico out of the ring.

“Here we go!” NTD exclaims. “Action on the outside! Brutality ahoy! Pity Axis is on the attack…”

Already back up to his feet, Magnifico attacks the challenger with some solid right hands to his face. Axis is put onto the back foot, but powers back with some right hands of his own on Magnifico. Magnifico feels Axis’ punches more than Axis felt his, and staggers backward towards the announce table, leaning on it for support. As Magnifico hunches over the announce table, Axis grabs Magnifico by his head, lifts it up… And smashes it onto the table! Reeling backwards from the attack, Magnifico stumbles into the ring apron. Seeing Magnifico dazed, Axis decides to attempt to end the match early. He quickly hustles some no name guy off a chair next to Fuynon’s table, and lifts the chair high up into the air. The fans cheer in anticipation… But before Axis can bring the chair down across the face of Magnifico, Magnifico leaps forward and deliberately kicks Axis where it hurts most!! Axis’ legs instantly cling together, as he sinks down to his knees.

NTD stretches the truth something chronic. “Oh my… Magnifico’s leg twitched, and it accidentally collided with the groin region of Axis.”

“NTD, how you can possibly delude yourself to that extent is beyond me,” Curry replies. “What the hell is wrong with you? You need some professional help. I think if you are left on the streets, you will be a cancer on a perfectly fine world. You are an ignorant imbecile, who has approximately five mood swings per match. Die.”

“Ok, a simple ‘you’re full of crap’ would have been nice…”

Thrusting his head backward to get the hair out of his eyes, Magnifico follows up on the low blow. He grabs the Axis’ discarded steel chair, lifts it high into the air… And he brings it down, full force onto the head of Axis! Luckily, Axis manages to get his hands up in time to block the move. The impact still causes him to drop onto his stomach though. Magnifico takes the advantage, lifting the chair up, and driving the point of the chair right into the back of Axis’ right knee! The official pleads with Magnifico, but he is powerless to stop it. Magnifico repeats the procedure three more times, before discarding the chair. Bending down, Magnifico grabs the head of Axis, and with a few more right hands, rolls the former ICTV champion back into the ring. Magnifico takes a brief moment to look out of the crowd, yelling something in Spanish. They reply by booing profusely.

“Well, it’s obvious who the fan favourite is in this match,” Curry states.

“Honestly, these people have no respect,” a disgusted NTD says. “Magnifico is their World champion – And a damn fine one at that – Yet, he gets absolutely no respect!”

“Maybe if he wasn’t so arrogant, the fans would be more accepting.”

“He shouldn’t have to conform to suit the fans! The fans should conform to suit their World champion!”

Jumping back to his feet, Magnifico stomps Axis, while trash talking him. Obviously, ELM doesn’t think much of his opponent. ELM stomps Axis’ back a few times, forcing him to roll over onto his side. With one more stomp, ELM grabs the leg of Axis, and drags him into the center of the ring. Still holding onto Axis’ right leg, Magnifico steps over Axis, trying to turn him over. Axis, still dazed by the chair shot cannot put up a fight, allowing Magnifico to turn him over with ease, right into a single leg crab!

Magnifico makes sure all the pressure is locked right onto the knee. Because Magnifico is over a hundred pounds lighter than Axis, and just under a foot shorter, the damage that can be done in the hold is minimal. But still, Axis is in pain. Magnifico wrenches back on the leg for another ten seconds, before breaking up the hold. Magnifico throws the leg down in disgust, before grabbing Axis by the head and lifting him up to his feet.

Magnifico lands a few stiff right hands to the challenger, before whipping him into the corner. Magnifico hits the corner just moments after Axis with a nasty corner clothesline! Axis rocks back in the corner, but Magnifico holds firm, refusing to let him out of the corner. Several right hands to Axis’ face later, Magnifico finally steps back from the corner, allowing Axis to take a step out. With a sharp kick to the gut by Magnifico to double Axis over, Magnifico locks on a front face lock. He then takes a step before running up the ropes, and flipping around to smash Axis headfirst on the canvas with a tornado DDT!

“Beautiful tornado DDT from Magnifico!” NTD applauds. “Another reason why he is the World champion!”

“He’s the World champion because of a tornado DDT?” Curry asks.

“Yes… But… No… Ah, shut up!” A confused NTD shoots back.

Magnifico once again goes to focus on the knee, lifting Axis’ right leg up into the air. Magnifico then drops to his right, crushing the side of Axis’ knee into itself with an elbow drop! From there, Magnifico jumps back up, and grabs by Axis the head, pulling him up to his feet. Magnifico plasters Axis in the head a few times with some solid right hands, knocking Axis into the ropes. Magnifico then takes a step back, before exploding forward and taking Axis over the top rope and down to the floor with a clothesline!

Axis drops down but lands on his feet, looking up to see the entrance way. Axis turns around, in search of Magnifico. Not wanting to disappoint Axis, Magnifico grabs the top rope, before leaping onto it and springboarding off it to catch Axis with a springboard plancha!

“Beautiful executed springboard plancha by Magnifico,” NTD praises, “showing why he was the best Light-Heavyweight champion ever!”

“If Magnifico is so great, why did he lose to Jamie Bjork?” Curry asks, desperately anticipating NTD’s answer.

“Because…” NTD scrambles for an answer. “The damned King of Hearts interfered!”

“Oh…” Curry accepts it. “You are right for a change.”

“I’m not all good looks ya know…”

“…” Curry is silent.

“…DON’T YOU HATE PANTS WITH A LUSH FULL OF RAGE!??!” NTD spurts out randomly.

Straight back up to his feet, Magnifico takes advantage of the fact that Axis is down by exchanging words with an aggressive fan in the entrance way. Magnifico obviously says something the fan doesn’t like, causing him to lean almost completely over the barrier, much to the amusement of Magnifico. Magnifico just tells security to keep on eye on him, before turning his attention back to Axis. Axis tries to fight his way back up, but a stiff stomp to his head from Magnifico quickly puts the breaks on that idea. Kissing the concrete once more, Axis lies down a beaten man. Magnifico grabs the arm of Axis, dragging him over to the ring apron before pulling him back up to his feet, and rolling him back into the ring. Magnifico doesn’t follow though, taking a detour around the ring. In his journey, he picks up the steel chair that he used on Axis before, then jumps up the ring stairs and scales the turnbuckles.

“…I think Magnifico has something sinister planned for Axis right here,” Curry predicts.

“And I love it!” NTD states.

As Axis begins regaining his senses, he rolls from the entrance way side of the ring into the center, unaware of ELM’s intentions. Axis rolls into the center of the ring, lying face down on the mat, and begins to push himself up to his feet. ELM, still perched on the top rope with the chair, points to Axis. He then grabs the steel chair by its sides, and jumps off the top turnbuckle, getting huge elevation! From there, he drops down onto Axis chair first, smashing the chair onto the back of Axis! And if that wasn’t enough, his entire bodyweight follows it!

“AWESOME MOVE BY MAGNIFICO!” Curry praises. “THAT HAD TO HURT!”

“…Obviously.” NTD remarks. “Unfortunately he didn’t connect with the head of Axis – He would be almost guaranteed to have busted him open!”

Just by looking at Axis’ face, you can tell he is in a World of hurt, clutching at his back desperately as Magnifico rolls off of the challenger. Magnifico doesn’t exactly get away without feeling the effects of the move, shaking his head to regain his senses as he staggers back up to his feet. Magnifico stomps away on Axis, keeping the challenger dazed while he fully recovers.

After a decent amount of stomping, Magnifico lifts Axis up to his feet, and sends him into the ropes. Axis lumbers back towards Magnifico, straight into a stiff kick into the gut. As soon as Axis is doubled over, ELM has him trapped in a tight front face lock. He tosses Axis’ left arm over his head, then drops down slightly, summoning momentum, before lifting Axis up over his head, and smashing him into the mat with a snap suplex!

Well, that was the plan anyway. Even with the amount of damage Magnifico has done to Axis, there is no way that he can suplex the three hundred pounder. Axis rapidly begins regaining his senses, realising this is a situation he can take advantage of. Axis turns the tables on Magnifico lifting up high above his head… And dropping him down on the mat with a brainbuster suplex! Magnifico bounces off the mat, clutching at his head. Axis is just down, extremely exhausted after the mat. The official in the ring isn’t sure what to do, since he can’t exactly count them out in a first blood match.

“Well, in theory, this match could go all night,” Curry suggests, not sounding very convincing.

“I think that’s highly unlikely,” NTD doubts, “with Magnifico in the match. He would destroy Axis in due time.”

“Well, Magnifico is in better cardiovascular condition than Axis, so that’s possible. But then again, Axis is a lot more slower and methodical than Magnifico, so he makes up for it there.”

Both men begin crawling on the mat, trying to get back up to their feet. Both men stagger up at the same time, and Magnifico charges towards Axis, anxious to regain his advantage. Axis quickly reacts to Magnifico’s charge, sticking his arms up and lifting the much lighter ELM up above his head into a guerilla press! Axis struggles for balance though, the right knee obviously bothering him. He decides to get Magnifico off of him quickly, throwing Magnifico forward! As Magnifico plummets towards the ring, Axis grabs Magnifico’s arm, and flips him out if mid air down to the mat with an arm drag!

“Indigo Flow from Axis!” Curry says with enthusiasm. “I think that is the signal that the momentum of the match has changed!”

Axis grabs the top rope and doubles over, regaining his composure and breath as Magnifico rolls around on the mat in pain. After a few seconds recovery, Axis is right back on the job. Axis grabs Magnifico by his hair, aiding him in climbing back to his feet. He nails a stiff punch to the gut of Magnifico doubling the champion over, and allowing Axis to lock on the pumphandle! The crowd jumps to their feet in anticipation of one of Axis’ most charismatic moves. Axis lifts Magnifico up into the air, and as Magnifico is at about chest height for Axis, Axis quickly switches his grip on Magnifico, holding him by the neck and a thigh. Axis takes a step forward, shouting something to the crowd, before falling backwards and tossing Magnifico over his head with a fall away slam!

Magnifico skids across the ring and Axis jumps right back up to his feet, the aldrenaline flowing throughout his veins. Strutting over to Magnifico with confidence, he lifts ELM up to his feet, rocking the champion with a few punches to the forehead in the process. In desperation, Magnifico pulls his arm back and swings it wildly at Axis, but Axis is able to avoid the move, and capitalises on the situation by grabbing Magnifico under his arm, and around the head. From there, Axis grabs onto Magnifico’s thigh, and tosses ELM over his head with a t-bone suplex!

“Three power moves in succession from Axis!” Curry notes with excitement. “This is usually where Axis gains the upper hand, and beats his opponents into submission!”

“Curry, where have you been?” NTD asks. “Axis hasn’t won a match like that for months!”

“…Yes he has. HVille Thugg, in the Genesis II – The Road Home match for example.”

“…One match in months. Shut up Curry, you dumbass.”

“I can name others if you want…”

“I said shut up!”

Axis decides it’s time to get hardcore, sliding out of the ring. He heads over to Funyon’s pathetic excuse of a table, and grabs the World title belt from Funyon’s evil clutches. A sad, dejected look comes over his face, as if he felt some power having the World title sitting in front of him. Not particularly caring about Funyon, Axis slides right back into the ring with the World title. He holds it in position, read to knock Magnifico’s head off. Magnifico has crawled on all fours, in no particular direction. Or least, that Axis can see, as Magnifico is blocking his view of the steel chair used earlier in the match. As Magnifico reaches the chair, he grabs onto it tightly, before climbing back to his feet, still facing away form Axis. Axis makes his move, rushing the World title belt at Magnifico’s head! However, Magnifico seemingly senses it coming, and spins around to deliver a brutal chair shot right to Axis’ right knee!

“Excellent… Uh, hearing by Magnifico to know that Axis was coming then!” NTD praises. “He countered in the best way he could – Smashing the chair into Axis’ hurt right knee!”

“That was rather uncanny that Magnifico knew that Axis was coming then,” Curry agrees.

Magnifico drops the chair for a moment, instead helping Axis back up to his feet. As Axis stands back to his complete vertical base, Magnifico once again picks up the steel chair. He waits for Axis to regain his composure, before throwing the chair towards Axis. A surprised Axis catches the chair, only to have Magnifico leap into the air and kick the chair right into his face with a face cracking Spanish Conquester!! Or, as everybody else on the planet calls it, a Van Damminator. Except non-wrestling fans, who would probably call it a “kicking the chair into the guy’s face”. Or acting. Yes.

“SPANISH CONQUESTOR!” NTD exclaims. “THAT COULD HAVE BUSTED AXIS OPEN!”

NTD is right, it may well have. However, nobody can tell, seeing the chair is over the face of Axis. Magnifico, on his hands and knees after the Spanish Conquester, rolls over to Axis and removes the chair… No blood!

ELM punches the mat, slightly annoyed that he didn’t get the job done. Magnifico climbs back to his feet, positioning a chair into the center of the ring. Magnifico helps Axis up to his feet, before whipping the challenger into the ropes. Axis races back towards Magnifico, only for the champion to snap his ankles around Axis’, smashing Axis into the steel chair with a drop toehold!

“DROP TOEHOLD ONTO THE CHAIR!” NTD is really getting into it. “THAT COULD DO IT!”

“Axis got his hands up just in time,” Curry says. “At least, I think he did…”

Magnifico kicks Axis solidly in the gut, rolling him over onto his back. No blood! Magnifico slaps the mat solidly a few times, perhaps attempting a referee’s three count. Or just taking frustration out on the mat, either way is good. Axis begins trying to fight his way up to his feet, obvious that his knee is still bothering him. Magnifico decides to take advantage of this, heading over to a corner. He begins scaling the turnbuckles, staring at Axis with deadly intent. As Axis turns around, he sees Magnifico flying towards him with a missile dropkick!! Magnifico’s feet catch Axis in the chest solidly, knocking the big man down to the mat!

Magnifico bounces straight back up to his feet, obviously well versed in the art of missile dropkicks. It doesn’t take long before Axis is trying to fight his way back up either. Magnifico confronts Axis with some rather average right hands; possibly assuming that Axis is worn down enough to make him easy pickings. Magnifico grabs the arm of Axis and attempts to whip him into the ropes, but the big man has enough strength left in him to make the reversal. As a surprised ELM bounds back towards Axis off the ropes, Axis extends his foot to catch ELM right in the gut, doubling him over right in the center of the ring. Axis doesn’t waste another second, tucking a front facelock on Magnifico. He then lifts Magnifico up slightly, before smashing him head first into the steel chair than Magnifico planted with a wound opening implant DDT!

“AXIS MIGHT HAVE JUST BUSTED MAGNIFICO OPEN!” Curry enthuses.

…No such luck! As Magnifico rolls onto his back, his forehead is it’s usual colour. Axis, in a dubious decision, decides to keep the pace fast, lifting Magnifico back up to his feet. He hits a few right hands on Magnifico, backing him into the ropes, before picking up the steel chair! Magnifico stands on the ropes, his eyes glazed over. Axis, holding the steel chair, decides it’s time to end the match right here. He pulls the chair back, and brings the chair down with amazing force… Only for Magnifico to drop to his knees! The chair doesn’t make it’s way down to Magnifico. Instead, it hits the top rope, and bounces back to smash Axis right in the face! Axis drops to the mat, clutching at his head in pain!

“AXIS MAY HAVE BUSTED HIMSELF OPEN RIGHT THERE!” NTD exclaims.

Axis moves his arms away from his head… And he is clean! A recovering Magnifico decides that in revenge of Axis trying to finish him off, it’s only fit to return the favour. Magnifico drags Axis so he is just away from the corner, then picks the discarded World title off the canvas… And puts it gold side down on Axis’ face! Magnifico then bounds over to the nearest corner, stepping out onto the apron and scaling the turnbuckles.

“Oh my…” Curry murmurs. “El Luchador Magnifico looks like he is about to try and end the match right here!”

Magnifico holds his arms high up into the air, then flips backwards off the top rope! As Magnifico spins around in mid air, Axis shoves the World title off of his face and rolls out of what he predicts to be Magnifico’s landing. Magnifico becomes parallel to the mat in mid air… And crashes face first into the World title!! The crowd gasps in awe!!

“MAGNIFICO WENT FOR EVERYTHING WITH THE MEXICAN PRIDE PRESS!” Curry exclaims. “But he missed, and his face crashed into the World title! Is it over? Is he bleeding!?”

Magnifico clutches at his forehead, and rolls over onto his back. His hands come away from his head… And he is clean!

“Phew!” NTD breathes a sigh of relief. “Magnifico’s face hit the non gold site of the belt. Thank god for that.”

Axis pushes himself up to one knee, his right knee still bothering him. Axis sees the title belt lying just over a meter away from him. He reaches over, clutching the title belt in his hand. He then places the belt gold side upward over the middle of his thigh, and hooks the belt together as tightly as he can on the back of his leg. Axis stands up; making sure the belt is locked onto his leg tightly.

“…What the?” Curry yelps. “Axis just wrapped the World title over his left thigh…”

“A bit of innovation from Axis,” NTD notes. “I would bet he’s going to try use it as a weapon to bust open Magnifico. But I severely doubt it will help him. His fate is inevitable.”

Limping over to Magnifico, Axis grabs the champion by the hair, and drags him up to his feet. He nails a few solid hands right to the champion’s jaw, before kicking a dazed Magnifico as hard as he possibly can in the gut, doubling ELM over. Axis then quickly thrusts Magnifico into the standing head scissors, the first stage of the Factor Bomb, before looking out to the crowd.

“It could be Factor Bomb time NTD!” Curry predicts.

Axis lifts Magnifico up, sitting him on his shoulders for the second stage of the Factor Bomb! Axis battles, trying to contain the defiant Magnifico on his shoulders. Magnifico starts punching Axis as hard as he can in the face rapidly, trying to get out of the Factor Bomb anyway he can! As Axis begins to stagger, Magnifico decides to make his move. He falls backwards of Axis’ shoulders, keeping his feet locked onto the head of Axis, flipping the big man over onto his back with a hurricanrana!

“Excellent counter to the Factor Bomb!” Curry praises.

“See? Magnifico is one of the best champions this damned federation has ever had,” NTD claims. “Except me, and Wilson of course. We rule.”

“I think that’s debatable…”

“I don’t. We rule.”

Magnifico takes a moment to recover, before climbing to his feet and heading over to a corner of the ring. He picks up the steel chair used earlier in the match, and plants the chair at jumping distance away from the corner. Wiping the sweat of his forehead, Magnifico decides it’s time to finish Axis off, lifting Axis up to his feet, with the World title still strapped to Axis’ right thigh, and dragging him over to the corner where he just put the chair. Magnifico grabs onto Axis’ arms from behind in a double underhook, preparing for the Baja California Crusher!

“EXCELLENT!” NTD shouts with excitement. “Magnifico is going to finish Axis off with a Baja California Crusher onto that steel chair!”

Curry agrees. “I think you are right there…”

Magnifico races up the turnbuckles, arms still hooked around Axis. Flipping over as he reaches the top turnbuckle, Magnifico begins to fall back down to the ring. The quick thinking Axis sees it coming though, and is just close enough to the corner to grab onto the top ropes with both hands, as the double underhook still in place in place. Magnifico flips over Axis’ head and begins sailing to the mat, breaking the double underhook in the process. Axis lets go of the top rope, and sees Magnifico sailing down in front of him. Taking advantage of Magnifico’s helpless predicament, Axis puts forward his right thigh, and smashes down Magnifico’s head with both arms into his thigh… Which, incidentally, still has the World title strapped around it!! Magnifico’s face bounces off of his own belt, causing him to flip due to the devastating impact, and land on his back. The landing cannot be aided by the fact he landed on the chair that he planted earlier. Axis also collapses to the floor, his right knee giving out on him. However, he looks over to the face of Magnifico…

“HOLY CRAP!” Curry shrieks. “FACTOR BOMB INTO THE WORLD TITLE! IS HE BLEEDING???!”

The cameras look to the face of Magnifico…

“NOOOOoooooo…” What starts as a scream trails off into nothing.

And the referee looks to the face of Magnifico. A crimson red begins tricking down his face! The referee calls for the bell!

* DING * DING * DING *

“Your winner… And NEW IGNWF World Heavyweight Champion, Axxxxxxxxxiiiiiisssssssssss!” Funyon shouts into the microphone. It can barely be heard over the cheers of the fans, finally glad that the World title is out of the IGNWO’s grasp!! The cheering isn’t as loud as it probably should though; the fans still in shock of the match occurring in the first place.

“OH MY GODZ!” Curry shouts, showing he is a G0R0 fan. “AXIS HAS WON THE WORLD TITLE! AXIS HAS PULLED A WIN FROM NOWHERE!”

“WHAT THE!?” NTD is in shock. “AXIS JUST BEAT EL LUCHADOR MAGNIFICO??!? WHAT THE!?”

“Nobody Like You” by Limp Bizkit blasts throughout the arena once more. Axis begins to lift himself back up, sitting on the second turnbuckle in the corner. The official rips the World title off of Axis’ leg, then grabs the right arm of Axis, lifting it high into the air to indicate victory, and officially gives him the belt in his other hand. Axis holds the belt high into the air with both hands, as the referee steps back. Axis jumps up to the nearest second turnbuckle, holding the belt high in the air, causing the camera flashes to go insane.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT… SAY IT AIN’T SO!!?!” NTD pleads. “TELL ME HE DIDN’T…”

Curry doesn’t answer NTD’s pleas. “He did it, NTD!!! Axis countered El Luchador Magnifico’s finisher with his own, and with the assistance of the World title, busted Magnifico open in the process!! We have crowned a new IGNWF champion, right here on IGNWF Storm!! And his name is Axis!!”

Stepping down from the corner, Axis decides to head over to the opposite turnbuckle. He holds the title up into the air once more, the camera flashes going insane in response.

“AXIS MUST DIE!!” The realisation of what’s happened begins to set into NTD. “…The IGNWO will NOT let Axis get away with this!! Rest assured of that!!”

“Ladies and Gentleman, that is all we have time for on IGNWF Storm!” Curry informs. “We will hit screens once more on Monday night for IGNite… Don’t miss it! It is sure to be one hell of a night!”

IGNWF Storm, October 12th 2001

The usual logos appear up on the screen, signalling the end of another enthralling Storm. The camera fades away into black, but not before showing Axis for a few seconds more, holding his new belt in the air…

March 1, 2002

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"Hmmm...hard to say. I have different favourites from different eras of the IGNWF, ranging from the first two months it existed right up until pretty much the day I retired.

Here's my big title win. Don't know if it's my best match, but it was my most important win...

------------------------------------------------

Bobby Riley vs. Stubby P. McWeed (cage match for the IGNWF heavyweight title)

<<Note about directions: When I talk about the “left side of the ring” or the bottom/left corner, I’m speaking as if I’m above the ring, facing away from the ramp. In other words the side of the ring closest to the ramp is the “bottom”, the side closest to the announcer’s table is the “top” and so on…>>

“But why?!” pleads Misty as Stubby’s about to leave the dressing room “Don’t you want my help?”

Stubby’s hand is already on the doorknob as he stops and turns back towards his wife…

“I already told you, I don’t want you to get hurt out th--”

“Hey, don’t gimme that crap!” interrupts Misty “The only guy who’d be any sort of threat to me will be locked in the cage with you! I’ve never been seriously injured, kidnapped or anything like that while at ringside…I can handle myself and you damn-well know it!” yells Misty as she leaps out of her chair and gets into her husband’s face.

“Okay, ya’ know what?!” barks McWeed “You’re right, I know how well you handle yerself, but I thought maybe I could get away with telling a little white lie to spare your feelings! The truth, if you must know, is this…I don’t want you down there Misty. I’m sick and tired of goin’ down to that ring day after day, which means this is probably the last shot I’m gonna’ get and this time I refuse to lose! I need to be in control of every aspect of this match, ‘cause when it comes right down to it there’s no-one else I can completely trust and that includes you! If I fail tonight, that’s my fault but I have to do this alone…” finishes Stubby as he gazes into Misty’s tear filled eyes.

Misty can’t bring herself to say anything and Stubby kisses her gently on the forehead before disappearing out the door. After a few seconds Misty drops down into her chair, her back to Simon Flare who had witnessed the entire argument. A tear runs down the forlorn Misty’s face as she begins to speak…

“I never thought he believed it,” mutters Misty “but he actually thinks I cost him the match on From the Fire…hell, he’s probably right. I dunno’ why I bother anymore grandpa, I’m a f*ckin’ joke, couldn’t help anyone if I tried. I just wish I could be with him, that’s all…”

“Now don’t talk like that Misty,” admonishes Flare “you’re not a joke and you know it! Trust me, I saw that glint in your husband’s eye. It’s a look I’ve seen many times before, it’s a winning look and when he finally gets that title around his waist everything will be fine…”

“Yeah I guess so,” responds Misty as she brushes the tears from her eyes “would have been nice if Dawg was here, he’s been a huge help lately. Stupid Neilson…oh, and thanks grandpa, you’re a fountain of wisdom.”

“Damn straight.”

The cameras immediately cut to the Corporation’s locker-room where Riley’s handing out orders to Rebecca and Edwin MacPhisto. The camera draws in closer and Riley’s voice becomes audible…

“…I’m saying I don’t know who the hell to trust anymore and chances are you won’t be safe!” explains Riley to Rebecca “Just promise me you won’t come down to the ring, if something happens I won’t be able to save you…”

“I understand…I promise.”

“Okay great, now Edwin, I can count on you for help if anything goes wrong or Stubby’s team decides to cheat, right?”

Edwin, who looks a bit worse for wear after his earlier battle, is watching the end of the ICTV title match on the monitor and it takes him a second to reply…

“Well, if you’re planning on me making the save…don’t, because I may not be there.” responds Edwin.

“What?!” screams Riley “What about all the times I’ve saved your pathetic ass! I’m gonna’ expect your help out there dammit!”

“Yeah well, we’ll see what happens,” grumbles Edwin “but for now I suggest you get yerself down to the ring…you’re match is starting in about 5 minutes.”

“Oh sh*t!” growls Riley as he dashes towards the door “Just remember, you’re still part of a team so if it looks like I’m in trouble you’d better do the right thing!”

“Uh huh…we’ll see.”

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day!” announces NTD as the cameras return to ringside “The two dirtiest teams in the IGNWF discouraging interference in this hugely important match-up? Strange behavior to be sure…”

“Well ya’ never know,” replies Curry “judging by what we’ve seen in the past anything can happen when these two men get in the ring. Now as you folks already know, our main event for tonight’s the result of a month’s worth of blood, sweat and hard work by the best the IGNWF has to offer, but ultimately it was Stubby P. McWeed and Bobby Riley who made the final cut. McWeed had been a heavy favorite in the tournament and ultimately didn’t disappoint as he defeated both Mercury and Cyclone Comet in a couple of tough matches to secure his spot at the Pay-per-view. Bobby Riley on the other hand was more of an underdog, but nevertheless proved himself worthy of this opportunity by defeating both Rane and Outcast in convincing fashion…”

“Of course we can’t forget the strange relationship that’s developed between the Corporation and Violent Legacy over the past month,” reminds NTD “as it had a major impact on no less than half of the match-ups in this 8 man tournament. Say…maybe Corporation leader Jayson Grant would like to comment on the situation, Jayson?”

“All I can say is I’m getting pretty damn fed up with the entire situation,” grumbles Jayson “in fact it was me who pushed for a cage match tonight. No more interference, no more crap…we’ll see who’s truly the better man before this night is done.” finishes JaysonG as the lights begin to dim…

The arena is shrouded in complete darkness as the crowd waits in silent anticipation. Several seconds later a single point of light shoots up from the centre of the stage, cuts through the darkness then explodes with a thunderous crack, illuminating the audience and stage in an eerie green glow. The haunting green light reveals Stubby to be standing on the stage alone then “Hash Pipe” by Weezer begins to play as series of green spotlights whirl deliriously over the crowd. The crowd’s reaction to Stubby is still somewhat mixed as he makes his way towards the ring. Stubby climbs up the ring steps then through the cage door and as he does, the whirling lights all convene into one large spotlight in the middle of the ring, where the pothead poses before the lights return. The lights are back and Stubby stands in the middle of the steel structure as Funyon makes wit da’ introductions…

“Introducing first, measuring 5’10” and weighing in at 228 pounds, he hails from Winnipeg, Canada and is the leader of the Violent Legacy…Stubby P. McWeeeeed!”

“Hmmm…some new entrance music for McWeed tonight.” observes Curry “Well that’s good, I don’t think most of us even knew who the ‘Gorillaz’ were…”

“Well…hello there Seattle!” starts off Stubby who receives a mild reaction from the Washington fans “Now before I get off on some long winded tirade, I’d like to tell you cats about something I’ve learned while in the IGNWF. Talking’s never won a match for anybody. Basically I don’t have much to say tonight and a whole lotta’ ass to kick so let’s get this thing started!”

“Wow, we’re seeing a very focused McWeed here tonight, there’s no way he’s gonna’ let the title slip through his hands again without one hell of a bloody fight!” calls Curry.

Stubby waits for his opponent to appear, but Riley doesn’t show up immediately and Stubby takes a second to test out the steel cage. The cage itself is somewhere around 15 to 20 feet high and is constructed of a solid steel frame which is attached to the ring then filled in with 8 sections of chain-link fence. Stubby walks around the ring in a clockwise direction, checking to see that each one of these sections is securely fastened to the steel frame and they all seem to be attached correctly, until Stubby reaches the top/left section of the cage.

This section of the cage seems rather shaky as it doesn’t seem to be fully attached to the steel frame. Stubby calls to a ringside worker and points to the connectors, but before the worker can do anything about it (or Stubby can check the final top/right section of the cage for that matter) the lights dim and everyone turns their attention towards the stage…

White Zombie's "More Human Than Human" rips through the darkness and after a few seconds the lights start to flash violently. Bobby Riley walks out onto the stage, unnoticed at first in the havoc the lights are creating. Eventually the audience recognizes Bobby Riley and boos loudly as he makes he way towards the ring. Riley stops about halfway down the ramp then as the audience attempts to drown the super-heel in their negativity, the lights return and Riley waits for Funyon to announce his arrival…

“Introducing second, measuring 6’0” and weighing in at 200 pounds, he hails from Fort Wayne, USA and is a member of the Corporation…Bobby Riley!”

“Well, well, well…who woulda’ thought it?” asks Riley after Funyon finishes with the introductions “Bobby Riley…the main-eventer, the top f*ckin’ heel in this entire company! Heh…ya’ know Stubby, I really have ta’ thank you, ‘cause it was kicking yer ass that launched me to stardom and now I get to beat you again for the title…not a bad deal at all. Best of all it’s in a steel cage, which means we can forget about who’s siding with who and just have ourselves a nice, bloody little war. Oh…and Stubby? Mark my words, yer gonna’ regret the day you helped me beat Outcast, because once I get in that cage, there will be no f*ckin’ mercy!”

Riley drops his mic, climbs the steps, enters the ring and the referee quickly closes the door behind him then gets the chain in place so he can fasten the padlock…

“Before we go on, let me explain the rules to this IGNWF title match,” says Curry “which can only be won by escaping the cage then placing both feet on the arena floor. Neither pins nor submissions count, plus the door to the cage has been locked and will remain locked for the duration of this match…”

With the ref standing outside the cage Riley removes his jacket, tosses it into the bottom/left corner then he and Stubby slowly move into the centre of the squared circle. The two combatant’s eyes lock and they slowly circle one another as the crowd gradually begins to shift it’s support towards Stubby.

Stubby and Riley cautiously approach one another then attempt to lock up Greco-roman style. The two men join their right and left hands, but before they can link up the others, Riley lashes out and grabs Stubby by the upper arm!

Riley grabs onto the Stubby’s left arm with both hands, yanks him forwards and attempts to nail a knee-lift, but as he does Stubby ducks then lunges forward! Stubby drives himself into Riley’s midsection, nailing a sort of shoulder block/spear combo, but at the same time Riley brings his knee up and buries it deep in Stubby’s lower abdomen!

“Hmmm...a spear and knee-lift completed at the exact same time, ya’ don’t see that everyday!” claims NTD.

“No…no you don’t.” replies Curry.

Stubby drills his shoulder into his opponent’s gut knocking him back, but then drops down to his own knees after absorbing Riley’s attack. Both men recover quickly and Stubby attempts to nail a clothesline, but Riley sees it coming, ducks under, spins around then latches onto his adversary with a waist-lock.

Riley captures his opponent in a waist-lock then attempts to pull him down to the mat with a belly-to-back takedown, but at the last second Stubby kicks back and nails a vicious low blow! Riley staggers back a few feet then straightens up again, but Stubby moves swiftly, gets around beside his rival then places his leg across Riley’s path before grabbing him by the back of the head and pushing him forward!

Stubby forces Riley to the canvas with a reverse leg-wheel slam then nails him with a boot to the spine before dropping to the mat. Stubby drops down, grabs Riley by the left leg then bends the limb forward and twists the ankle, catching Riley in a reverse ankle-lock!

“Whoa,” gasps JaysonG “Stubby has Riley locked in his own submission finisher, the ‘Outsider Clutch’!”

“That’s some damn smart wrestling by Stubby,” comments Curry “if he can hurt his opponent’s leg, he’ll destroy his ability to escape the cage.”

“Yeah, and let’s not forget how humiliating it is to have your own finisher used against you, trust me, I’d know…” adds NTD.

Riley cries out in pain as Stubby’s doing a remarkably good job of applying pressure to the deadly manoeuvre. Stubby presses down on the leg, but he doesn’t really focus on the ankle, instead he pushes down on the calf as hard as he can, hyper-extending his opponent’s knee.

With no ref in the cage to break up the hold Riley has to escape on his own so he starts kicking back with his free leg, driving his foot into Stubby’s ribs. Finally Riley drives a stiff kick right into Stubby’s liver and the pothead screams out then releases the hold, but not before a loud “pop” is heard coming from Riley’s knee.

Riley rolls away clutching at a possibly injured knee as Stubby slowly pulls himself to his feet…

“Damn, did you guys hear that pop?!” hollers NTD “Riley might be in trouble already…”

Bobby Riley manages to struggle to his feet, but Stubby quickly moves forward and hoofs him in the vulnerable knee. Riley hollers as the kick connects, drops to his knees then Stubby takes a few steps back, dashes forward and nails him with a jarring boot to the back of the skull!

Stubby’s kick knocks Riley forward onto his hands and the pothead moves into position over his victim’s shoulders then nails him with a forceful reverse face-driver. Stubby stands up and pulverizes the fallen Riley with stiff kicks before signalling towards the steel cage.

With the audience doing a decent job cheering him on, Stubby begins to scale the bottom/right section of the cage. Stubby manages to climb onto the top rope without much trouble, but has some difficulties once he’s forced to negotiate the actual steel fence. Stubby’s not the most agile guy in the world and his large feet (size 14) keep slipping off the cage, but eventually he gets balanced then starts to gradually climb his way to freedom, but not before Bobby Riley manages to pull himself off the mat.

Stubby’s about halfway up the cage as Riley limps over towards the ropes then begins climb them…

“It looks like Stubby’s strategy is already coming into play,” notices Curry “Riley would usually be able to climb after Stubby much faster.”

“Yeah, but look at Stubby!” chuckles NTD “The guy looks like a total idiot! Mick Foley’s cage climbing technique was downright graceful compared to Stubby’s pathetic attempts…”

Stubby’s only two or three feet from freedom, but before he can go any further Riley (who’s on the top rope) grabs Stubby by the ankle and tries to drag him off the cage! Riley pulls down on his opponent’s leg and Stubby slips, but only falls about a foot or two before grabbing onto the cage again, which halts his plunge towards the mat.

Stubby hangs by his arms and Riley continues in his attempts to yank him down to the canvas, but Stubby stubbornly refuses to let go of the cage. After struggling with his opponent for several seconds, Riley decides to climb up beside McWeed, hoping that he’ll be in a better position to pry him off the cage from there.

Riley releases Stubby’s leg then starts climbing up the fence, but as he does Stubby plants his feet and tries to scramble to the top of the cage before Riley can catch him. Despite his bad knee Riley’s still able to ascend the cage faster than Stubby and immediately starts to catch up with his rival.

Riley climbs up beside Stubby, but just as his head reaches his opponent’s waist, Stubby lashes out and drives a series of stinging kicks into Riley’s shoulder! The Seattle crowd cheers Stubby on as peppers Riley’s upper body with kick after kick, eventually crushing his heel into his adversary’s left hand.

Stubby stomps Riley’s left hand and the heel loses his grip on the cage then falls. Stubby assumes that Riley’s on his way to the mat and turns away, as he believes Riley’s no longer a threat, but unbeknownst to the pothead his rival doesn’t fall all the way to the canvas. As Stubby looks away Riley’s feet land on the top rope and he immediately grasps onto the side of the cage to steady himself.

Stubby turns away after knocking Riley off the cage, but becomes suspicious a moment later when he doesn’t hear the tell-tale ‘crash’ Riley would have made if he had actually hit the mat. Stubby glances down again just as Riley thrusts his fist upward, nailing Stubby with a heartless low blow!

“Huh…that Riley was damn lucky,” claims JasyonG “if he hadn’t landed on the ropes like that McWeed probably would’ve made it over the top. That was easily one chance in a thousand…”

Stubby hangs onto the cage by his arms following the low blow as Riley carefully turns himself around so he’s facing the ring. Once he turns around Riley quickly sidesteps to the right, moves underneath his opponent, grabs him by the upper thighs then jumps off the top rope!

Riley leaps from the top rope while still holding onto Stubby’s thighs and Riley’s downward momentum tears his adversary away from the cage. Riley drops down to the mat and crushes Stubby’s upper back/shoulders into the canvas with violent force! Riley pulls Stubby down nearly 15 feet and nails him with a massive powerbomb, which takes it’s toll on both men.

“Oh my god!” bellows Curry “I thought the freakin’ ring was gonna’ collapse when Riley nailed that powebomb! That’s gotta’ be it for Stubby!”

“What, are you blind?!” retorts Jayson “Look, Stubby’s already trying to get back up! He’s not finished yet…”

Stubby is indeed trying to get to his feet but Riley manages to get up first, limps over then boots Stubby in the temple with his uninjured leg. Stubby collapses back onto the mat and Riley flashes a quick signal to the unappreciative audience before hauling his opponent onto his feet then into position for a powerbomb!

Before Riley can lift his victim off the mat though, Stubby begins tossing punches into his attacker’s midsection, but Riley manages to subdue his opponent by driving his left elbow into the pothead’s upper-back several times. With Stubby temporarily defenceless, Riley summons all his strength then hauls him up onto his shoulders, but as soon as he does a sharp pain begins to shoot out from his left knee.

Riley ignores the pain and begins to hobble towards the bottom/right corner so he can nail his finisher the “Outsider Bomb” (turnbuckle powerbomb). Riley runs towards the ringpost, but as he does Stubby comes to and tries to escape, which when combined with his injured knee completely distracts Riley. Suddenly, just as the agitated Riley’s within a step or two of the ringpost, his left knee buckles and he falls forward, slamming Stubby to the mat in the process.

Riley falls forward and drives Stubby into the mat, forcing him to land on his upper shoulders/neck at a painful looking angle, but fortunately for the pothead his skull falls short of the turnbuckle by about an inch. Both men are down and while Riley tends to his injured knee, Stubby grasps at his neck and the cameras quickly shift backstage again…

First they show Rebecca watching the match-up on a monitor. The Corporation’s locker-room appears dimly lit as Rebecca’s face is illuminated by the flickering screen, which she watches intently. Oddly enough, Edwin MacPhisto is nowhere to be seen…

From there the scene quickly jumps again, this time to the Legacy’s locker-room. The Legacy’s room seems much livelier as Flare opens a large bottle of champagne in the background. Misty concentrates on the monitor while smoking a thin joint, the tears from earlier now replaced by a look of intensity…

Finally the cameras return to the squared circle as Riley hauls himself off the mat then begins to make his way towards the top-side of the ring. Riley makes it to the edge of the ring then slowly starts to climb the top/right section of the cage as Stubby gets to his feet and approaches Riley from behind…

“Hmmm…an intriguing look into both men’s locker rooms,” begins JaysonG in a sad attempt to sound legitimate “the mood’s definitely more upbeat on the Legacy’s side, but then again that bunch never seem to worry about anything…”

“Golly gee whiz Barbara Walters, I wonder why?” sneers a sarcastic NTD.

“Hey, just shut-up you two,” snaps Curry “we have a race to the top of the cage going on here and I’m actually tryin’ to do my job! Oh…and Barbara Walters? What kind of an insult is that?!”

“Aw cram it, I’m carryin’ your sorry ass…”

Riley scales the top/right section the cage and once he’s around halfway to the top Stubby starts climbing up behind him. Riley’s progress is slower than ever as his knee condition has steadily worsened allowing Stubby to catch up with him. The section of the cage both men are clinging to, which was the only one Stubby didn’t check earlier, is doing some serious shaking as Stubby climbs up besides his opponent (making sure to stay just outside Riley’s striking range).

A cautious Stubby keeps out of his opponent’s striking range, but as soon he’s on level with Riley’s shoulders Stubby scoots to the left then nails his adversary with a stiff shot to the kidney. Stubby’s on Riley’s right and is unable to attack his injured left knee, so instead he peppers his opponent with stiff body shots, eventually causing him to lose his grip on the cage.

Riley’s hands slip away from the cage and he drops down about a foot before once again grabbing onto the steel. As Riley dangles by his fingers, Stubby climbs down the cage a bit then moves up beside Riley and wraps his left arm around his waist. With his arm around Riley’s waist Stubby pushes off with his feet then yanks his enemy up onto his shoulder as he prepares to break him in half with a huge belly-to-back suplex!

Stubby launches himself 15 feet above the mat then clumsily pulls his opponent onto his shoulder, but as Stubby pushes away from the cage Riley manages to do the same. Riley pushes off with his hands then uses the extra momentum to pull his legs over Stubby’s shoulder and drop down behind him!

As both men tumble towards the mat Riley drops behind his adversary, twists his body around in mid-air then at the last possible moment places his hand over Stubby’s throat, nailing him with a monstrous hangman’s (vertical) neckbreaker as they collide with the canvas!

“God-dammit! That ‘neckbreaker’ may have actually broken our loveable pothead’s neck for real!” screeches Jayson.

“Ugh…just when I though your comments couldn’t get any stupider…” mumbles NTD in response.

Riley crushes Stubby’s head, neck and shoulders into the mat with catastrophic force, but as he’s doing so he lands badly on his injured left leg. Riley didn’t have time to get his leg into a safe position and he lands on top of it, hyper-extending his knee for the second time in the match! Both men are down and the crowd’s split between those who’re booing Riley and those who are supporting Stubby.

Both men lay prone on the mat, neither one moving an inch for nearly a minute as the crowd’s roar reaches a fevered pitch. Finally Riley (who still has a fairly clear head) tries to get to his feet, but his left knee keeps giving out and he’s constantly forced to drop back down to the canvas. As Riley struggles with his injured knee a woozy Stubby drags himself off the mat, stumbles over then leans up against the ropes for a few seconds while rubbing the back of his neck.

Eventually Riley manages to pull himself into a hunched over standing position, but as soon as he does Stubby whisks over and boots him straight in the gut! Riley crumples to the mat then Stubby drives several boots into his spine before hauling him up again so he can nail Riley with a front facelock drop!

“Hey, it seems the fans are back in Stubby’s corner after they abandoned him on last week’s Storm…” points out Jayson.

“Yeah, well stepping into the ring with a super-heel like Bobby Riley will get the fans cheering for you even if you’re Satan himself!” explains NTD.

Stubby attempts to nail the facelock drop, but before he can Riley drills his elbow into the back of Stubby’s skull! An angry Stubby quickly releases his opponent then straightens up, but Riley strikes like greased lightning and manages to grab Stubby around the waist.

Riley has his opponent trapped in a waist-lock and is about to attempt a belly-to-belly suplex when Stubby lashes out and kicks him in the knee! Riley releases his rival, drops down into a kneeling position and Stubby quickly grabs him by the head, hauls him up then blasts him with an impactful shoulder jawbreaker!

Stubby nails the jawbreaker, scrambling Riley’s brains while at the same time forcing his knee to collide with the mat. Stubby nails the jawbreaker, but doesn’t release his opponent’s head as expected, instead he quickly wraps his arm around the back of his neck then nails Riley with a stiff as hell DDT!

Riley’s head is ground into the canvas then Stubby staggers over to the top of the ring, leans up against the ropes and attempts to recover from the beating he’s taken thus far in the match. Stubby faces away from the stage while leaning on the ropes as strange figure walks through the entryway…

“Wait a second, who’s th…hey, I think that’s Edwin MacPhisto!” hollers Curry as the audience boos the unexpected guest.

“What?! Why the hell’s he here?!” shrieks Jayson as Edwin walks calmly towards the ring.

Despite the clamour coming from the audience, Stubby doesn’t notice MacPhisto approaching the ring, instead he looks up at the cage before slowly beginning his ascent to the top. Stubby scales the top/right section of the cage (the same one Riley has just been climbing) and immediately notices it’s not particularly sturdy, but Stubby decides to ignore the shakiness then move on.

As an oblivious Stubby continues to climb the cage, Riley’s struggling to his feet below him and Edwin rounds the ring then stands looking up at Stubby while mulling over an important decision…

“Dammit, I can’t stand this crap anymore!” moans JaysonG “This was supposed to be the one match these two teams couldn’t f*ck up, but now MacPhisto’s out here and I just know he’s gonna’ do something stupid!”

“I think you need to calm down,” chides Curry “and don’t you even dream about getting outta’ your seat…”

Stubby’s about 2/3 of the way up the cage when he finally notices MacPhisto staring up at him. Stubby has no idea why MacPhisto’s standing there and he yells something, which breaks the Corporation member out of his stupor, his decision apparently made.

As Stubby continues to holler, MacPhisto walks forward, grabs onto the cage then begins to shake it as hard as he can! The section of the cage shudders more than it really should considering how hard Edwin’s shaking it and Stubby’s feet slip, forcing him to dangle from his hands. Stubby desperately tries to get his feet planted back on the cage, but Edwin continues to shake the rickety structure as Riley successfully makes it to his feet below.

MacPhisto continues to disturb the cage, which quakes violently, knocking Stubby around like a rag-doll in the process. The fans wonder whether Stubby will drop to the canvas before the unstable section of the cage collapses, but ultimately neither happens as someone grabs Edwin by the shoulder, spins him around then starts screaming in his face!

“I can’t believe it,” grumbles Curry “after I specifically told him not to Jayson gets up and starts yelling at Edwin! I mean I don’t support what Edwin was doing, but stopping him is someone else’s job!”

“Face it, he’s an idiot,” replies NTD “he should be kicked outta’ the union…”

As Jayson and Edwin argue Stubby tries to get his feet planted back on the cage, but before he’s able to Riley hobbles up from behind then grabs him by the ankle! Riley grasps onto Stubby’s ankle and drops down to the mat, yanking Stubby away from the cage with all his strength!

Stubby’s hands are torn from the steel, he scrapes his face against the cage as he falls then lands stomach first against the ropes and bounces back into the middle of the ring. Stubby lands roughly in the centre of the ring and crunches up into a ball, the wind having been knocked out of him when he hit the ropes. Riley once again tries to struggle to his feet while his opponent lays recovering a few feet away…

While this is happening a furious Jayson Grant is still screaming at Edwin, but after a while MacPhisto calmly dismisses Jayson, turns towards the cage then starts shouting encouragement to Riley. Jayson’s overcome with rage towards Edwin then bounces back and forth at ringside as a giant shot of testosterone surges to his brain.

Finally in an extraordinarily stupid move, Jayson grabs a can of ‘Pepsi Max’ off the announcer’s table, runs up behind Edwin then crushes it over the Corporation member’s skull! The can bursts upon impact and the crowd actually begins to cheer for Jayson…or at the very least they cheer for the cool visual created by the exploding soda can.

The can explodes over Edwin’s head and as soon as he turns around Jayson realizes he made a big mistake. Jayson beats a hasty retreat and cowers behind the announcer’s table like the wussy he is as a pissed off Edwin burns holes in him with his eyes.

Jayson’s scared as heck, but Edwin doesn’t retaliate or even argue with his former leader, instead he just lets out very loud “Fuck you!” before turning and making his way towards the ramp. Jayson’s testosterone high has already worn off and he slumps down behind the announcer’s table, more than a little embarrassed by his own actions…

“Hey Jayson, have I complemented you on your leadership skills lately?” asks NTD “I mean wow…you handled that situation like a freakin’ pro!”

“Yeah, yeah…I know, I f*cked up again,” mutters Jayson “maybe it’s about time I just disappeared…”

Stubby manages to haul himself to his feet but finds his vision partially obscured by the warm blood oozing into his eyes from a gash on his forehead, which was torn open when he was pulled from the cage. A half-blinded Stubby tries to stagger over to the ropes, but before he can reach them Riley comes up from behind then wraps his arms around Stubby’s waist!

Riley catches Stubby in a waist-lock, quickly hauls him up, pivots on his good leg then slams his opponent to the mat before dropping down onto Stubby’s chest to complete his “ultimate takedown”. Before the disoriented Stubby has a chance to retaliate Riley begins to pound on his adversary’s skull with one brutal blow after another!

Riley’s hand becomes soaked with his opponent’s blood and the audience boos loudly at Riley for beating the well-liked pothead’s face in. Riley continues to pound on his victim until Stubby manages to block one of his opponent’s punches then quickly sit up. Stubby sits up, forces Riley’s shoulders to the mat then elbows him behind the left knee before scrambling to his feet.

As Riley clutches at his knee and rolls around in pain, Stubby staggers into the centre of the ring where he attempts to clear some of the blood from his eyes…

“These two men are certainly giving the Seattle fans their money’s worth as this has been an absolutely brutal match!” announces Curry as he partakes in a bit of blatant shilling.

It takes Stubby a few seconds to clean himself up and the first thing he sees once he’s cleared his eyes is Bobby Riley, once again standing on his feet. Stubby immediately tries to run Riley down with a clothesline but much to his surprise Riley manages to duck under his attack! Riley ducks, turns around then attempts to knock Stubby down from behind with a clothesline of his own.

Stubby misses the clothesline, runs past Riley and stops a few feet before the ropes then looks back just in time to see his opponent hobbling towards him. Riley tries to nail the clothesline, but Stubby bends forward, avoids the attack then connects with an elbow to the stomach. Riley hunches over after his rival nails the elbow and Stubby moves swiftly, grabs him by the arm/neck then shoves him face first through the ropes.

Riley’s face slams into the steel cage, he stumbles back from the ropes then Stubby nails him with a massive clothesline, knocking him for a full 360-degree bump! Riley hits the mat hard then Stubby stomps his knee a couple of times before turning around so he can climb the closest available section of the cage. That happens to be the top/right section again and the fence immediately begins to shake as Stubby climbs it, but the pothead barely seems to notice as the crowd’s support builds to a deafening roar…

“Not a particularly smart move by Stubby,” remarks Curry “that section of the cage has appeared very unstable the entire match…”

“Well when you consider the intelligence of our crew, I’m surprised they managed to get the cage standing at all!” adds NTD.

Riley’s mind is a total blur, but he slowly regains a basic sense of what’s happening then manages to overcome the pain in his knee as he struggles to his feet. Riley gets up and immediately notices that his adversary’s almost at the top of the cage! Riley’s unable to formulate a decent plan in his confused state, but realizes he has to do something so he limps towards the cage as fast as he can, leaps trough the 2nd and 3rd ropes then tackles the fence with all his power!

Riley flings his entire bodyweight against the cage hoping to knock Stubby off the top, but unfortunately he fails. Instead a sharp crack is heard, followed loud groan then suddenly the entire top/right section of the cage breaks away and falls forward as Stubby hangs on for dear life!

“Holy sh*t! Get outta’ my f*ckin’ way!” screams NTD who grabs a mic, pushes by Curry then leaps off to the right just as the cage comes crashing down.

The 15 to 20 foot tall by 10 foot wide section of the cage falls forward forming a sort of bridge as it lands, with the supports being the right half of the announcer’s table on the top/left side, the timekeeper’s table on the other and the ring apron along the bottom. Curry manages to duck, avoid the incoming cage then scrambles over to where NTD already stands as Stubby and the steel come crashing down…

“Whoa, I just barely got my ass outta’ there in t--”

“Here, gimme that mic,” barks Curry as he grabs it away from NTD “now where’s Jayson? Ah…he’s on the other side of the bridge, well this certainly changes the complexion of this match…”

Stubby’s face smashes into the steel as the section lands, knocking him senseless as the fans cheer loudly for the unexpected event. While Stubby lays prone on the chain-link bridge a woozy Riley sees his chance to escape the cage and desperately attempts to regain his footing.

As Stubby lies suspended about 3 or 4 feet above the arena floor Riley manages to get to his feet, struggles through the ropes, but trips as he’s doing so then falls onto the cage-bridge along with his opponent. Riley doesn’t bother to get back to his feet and simply drags himself towards the edge of the bridge so he can drop to the floor, but just as he’s about to win the match, a recovered Stubby comes from behind then grabs him by the ankle!

An exhausted Stubby clutches onto Riley’s ankle, preventing him from dropping to the floor. As Stubby starts pulling his rival away from the edge, Riley spots Jayson standing to the left of the announcer’s table and calls to him. Riley hollers at Jayson, asking him to grab onto his arm then pull him to the arena floor, but Jayson looks reluctant after his earlier run-in with MacPhisto and hesitates to lend his hand.

Riley urgently tries to convince his leader to help him in the match, but the former commish holds back as Stubby pulls Riley into the centre of the bridge then haul him to his feet. As Riley’s yanked away from the edge his mood suddenly shifts and he hurls a series of cutting insults towards the seemingly unreliable JaysonG.

“It’s a shame really,” says NTD after grabbing the mic back from Curry “whatever happened to that happy Corporate family we once knew and loved?”

Surprisingly the bridge is able to support both men’s standing weight nicely as Stubby pulls Riley to his feet then sets him up for a face first powerslam. Stubby grabs Riley between the legs and around the neck, lifts him up then is about to slam him directly into the steel when Riley thrusts an elbow back, catching Stubby square in the temple!

Riley’s elbow connects with his opponent’s skull forcing Stubby to releases him and much to his surprise his injured knee doesn’t give-out when his feet hit the chain-link bridge. Riley realizes this is probably his last chance to take the match, immediately pivots around so he’s facing Stubby, grabs him by the chest then reaches across his body and hooks his right leg. Riley has his adversary set up, summons every last shred of energy left in his battered body then hauls Stubby into the air and nails him with a murderous t-bone suplex!

As Riley lifts his victim into the air his left knee buckles badly beneath him, but he still manages to complete the suplex, dropping Stubby behind him. As Riley crumples into a heap Stubby’s tossed into the top/left corner of the bridge (which is supported by the announcer’s table).

Stubby lands on the chain-link bridge, the announcer’s table breaks apart beneath him and with the support gone the bridge is suddenly transformed into a ramp, which Stubby’s limp body rolls down on it’s way to the floor. The audience explodes as they believe Stubby’s won the match, but at the last second Riley manages to scuttle down the makeshift ramp, grabs his rival by the arm then plants his feet on the fence, bringing Stubby to halt mere inches from the floor!

“Damn that was close! I su--”

“Hey, let a pro handle this,” interrupts Curry as he snatches the mic away from NTD “so what’re we talkin’ about again?”

The injured Riley begins the arduous process of hauling a heavy and seemingly unconscious Stubby up the chain-link ramp towards the ring. After working at it for about half a minute Riley manages to crawl into the ring, pulls Stubby under the bottom rope behind him then rolls the pothead into the middle of the squared circle.

With Stubby back in the ring, Riley attempts unsuccessfully to get to his feet, but eventually he gives up and simply drags himself back towards the gap in the cage. Riley worms through the ropes, then takes a second to catch his breath at the top of the ramp as Stubby doesn’t seem like much of a threat at the moment.

The crowd boos the over-confident heel, but Riley ignores the fans, zeroes in on Jayson who still stands by the announcer’s table and resumes the name-calling he started earlier…

“What th’ hell’s Riley doing?” wonders Curry “He’s only a few feet away from winning the match, yet he decides to sit there and insult Jayson?!”

“I guess he assumes that since he has a head-start he can end the match whenever he wants…” replies NTD after fishing another microphone out of the broken announcer’s table.

Riley continues to scream at Jayson, but when he lands a particularly nasty insult Jayson finally snaps and starts screaming right back. The argument between the seemingly former stable-mates builds in intensity for several seconds, but then suddenly Jayson stops yelling, smiles widely and points towards the ring.

Riley doesn’t clue in at first, but eventually turns then looks towards the ring and is shocked to see that Stubby’s almost reached the top of the cage on the opposite side of the ring! Riley had assumed that Stubby would take the “easy” route and try to escape through the hole in the cage, but never imagined he’d climb all the way to the top behind his back!

The roar from crowd’s ear-splitting as Stubby reaches the top of the cage and Riley panics for a second before remembering that he’s only 4 or 5 feet from reaching the floor himself!

Stubby hauls himself over the top then climbs down the other side of the cage as Riley frantically pulls himself towards the edge of the chain-link ramp. Finally Stubby releases the cage, drops the remaining 10 feet to the floor and the arena erupts, but at almost the exact same moment Riley manages to pull himself over the edge of the ramp!

“Hot damn, Riley won!” bellows an excited NTD.

“No he didn’t, I think Stubby hit first,” argues Curry “but I can’t say for sure, I’d have to see the ending from a better angle…”

The ref isn’t sure who won either as he runs around at ringside asking the other officials and various workers who they say land first. Riley’s completely oblivious to all the confusion, thinks he’s won the match and actually manages to stand on his injured knee as he grabs the title out of the debris from the announcer’s table.

The audience boos as Riley holds the title above his head, but he only gets a moment with the belt before the ref comes up from behind and grabs it from his hands! A startled Riley spins around and yells something at the official, but the ref says Stubby hit the floor first then makes his way over to the top-side of the ring so he can give the IGNWF legend his belt!

“What?! Stubby obviously bribed the ref, Riley hit the floor first!” yells an outraged NTD.

“Maybe, but Riley hit the floor shoulder first while Stubby landed on his feet. Remember the rules…both feet much touch the floor…” reminds Curry.

Riley’s absolutely livid and nearly forgets about his injured knee as he grabs a chair from behind the wrecked announcer’s table then starts randomly slamming it into anything that gets in his way. As Riley’s rages against everything and everyone in the arena, his ears pick up a pair of footsteps and he turns, catching Jayson as he tries to slink past him.

Jayson realizes Riley’s seen him and tries to make a break for the left side of the ring, but Riley strikes like a cobra, catching Jayson with a vile chairshot to the back of the head! Jayson falls forward, skids across the concrete floor then Riley hobbles towards his useless former leader, flips him over and continuously drives the steel into Jayson’s skull!

Riley’s beating the holy living sh*t out of Jayson, but the audience hardly notices as they’re too busy cheering for Stubby who proudly holds the IGNWF heavyweight title above his head!

“Well folks, it’s finally happened,” begins Curry “Stubby P. McWeed has won the IGNWF heavyweight title! Now if I can make a comment of my own here, I’m actually glad to see him with the belt. Backstage standing aside, Stubby’s been an innovator and important member of the IGNWF since almost day one, he deserves that title.”

“I still say Riley reached the floor first, when we check the tapes you’ll see I’m right…” claims NTD.

“Maybe, but the referee’s decision is final here in the IGNWF, which means Stubby’s the new champ regardless of whose feet hit the floor first!”

The crowd’s absolutely electric as Stubby backs up the ramp towards the stage with his new title held high above his head. As Stubby absorbs the fan’s applause Misty runs down the ramp, grabs her husband by the arm, spins him around then gives him a tight hug as tears stream down her face. Stubby brushes away Misty’s tears and his blood flows down onto her forehead as he kisses her deeply in front of thousands of screaming IGNWF fans.

As Stubby and Misty embrace Simon Flare walks down the ramp, taps Stubby on the shoulder, whispers something to the new champ then points towards the left side of the ring. Misty looks confused as Stubby nods then makes his way down the ramp with his father-in-law.

A wild-eyed Riley stands over a blood soaked Jayson looking rather pleased with himself, at least until Stubby and Flare run around the corner of the cage, catching Riley off guard!

Flare boots Riley in the knee, knocking him off his feet and Stubby follows that up by nailing him with a stiff DDT onto the concrete! Flare and Stubby drive several boots into Riley’s body before they haul a woozy Jayson Grant to his feet so they can help him up the ramp…

“Interesting, it looks like Stubby’s decided to repay Jayson for distracting Riley earlier in the match,” comments Curry “I wonder if that was intentional? Anyways, it was an amazing night of action with all the thrills, chills and new champions you could ask for, but I have a feeling this Monday’s edition of IGNite will be very exciting in it’s own right. Well we’re outta’ time folks, so for now I’m Curry man…signing off!”

Jayson pushes away from Flare then disappears through the entryway, but almost no-one notices as all eyes are on Stubby, who stands on the stage with the gold above his head, his long journey finally at an end…

-------------------------------------------------

Mothernature says, now that's a goooood match"

March 3, 2002

And y'all say Sacred is evil ...

My best match.

Riley: WELCOME BACK! WHAT a night it’s been.

EC: That’s right. KABOOM!

Riley: But it’s not over yet, chicken. We got 2 more matches to go.

EC: Including this upcoming... ha ha ha.... specialty... heh heh.... match.

Riley: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

EC: BRA AND PANTIES!!

Riley: Correct. Mistress Sarah versus Low Brass. This will be funny.

EC: Kluk. The European title match. Sarah killed Longdogger Pete to win it.

Riley: Well, not kill. But, hurt, yes.

EC: Well none of that matter now. Kluk. Tonight is Low Brass’ shot at the European title.

Riley: It sure is. And we all wish Low Brass luck.

EC: Of course everybody is rooting for Low Brass. We all want to see Sarah in her bra and panties!

Riley: Well, ... why isn’t the match starting yet?!

EC: Wait for it....

A saxophone begins to play. Green lights flash along with the tenor instrument. The high hat comes in and taps away. The crowd knows exactly what’s coming next.

Riley, crowd, and Beastie Boys: BRASS MONKEY!!

EC: You dumbkluk.

Riley: What?!

Low Brass hits the stage with his green “Low Brass” jacket and his green “Low Brass” sunglasses. He wears his shiny, gray, cargo pants and fiery boots. Low Brass stands center stage for a few moments.

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a bra and panties matchup, [Huge cheers from the crowd] and it is for the European Championship. Entering first the challenger, from Redmond, Washington, he weighs in at 233 pounds, Low BRASS!!!

Riley: Look at that poor man. He’s so damn lucky.

EC: Go Brass! Kluk. You can kluking do it! KABOOM!

Low Brass is on his way down the steel ramp. He passes one man with a sign, “We’ll see Sarah’s melons in the Mellon arena! ” Low Brass stops to stare at the man. The man yells at Brass, “WOO!” Brass shakes his head in disappointment with the raging fan as he continues down the ramp. He gets to the wrestling ring and takes hold of the ropes to pull himself up. Brass enters into the ring and stands in the center, waiting. A Green spotlight suddenly appears over the wrestler.

Riley: Here it comes. THE LOW BRASS DANCE!

EC: I really hate this dance. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

Riley: Okay, Chick, we know you hate it.

EC: I am a chicken, thank you very much. I am all grown up.

Low Brass tosses off his jacket and sunglasses as the arena darkens, to which the crowd is used to. A sinister, evil, dark red wave of light move from the back of the arena. The light sweeps slowly but surely across the crowd like a massive thunderhead. The crowd knows exactly who this is. “BOOOOO” is the sound heard, but a few cheers can be heard from the more sickening people in the Pittsburgh audience. The sinister light hits the stage, and a techno riff is heard. “Dragula” by Rob Zombie is the song heard now. The lights begins to rise up, and Mistress Sarah is seen on stage in her usual leather, hip hugging pants with the red and black tiger design. She dons her black tank top, boots, and her whip. Caisha is by her side as multicolored lights begin to flash. The start to walk down the ramp, quite slowly in that fact.

Funyon: And his opponent, from Bellevue, Nebraska, weighing in at 163 pounds, she is the IGNJL European champion, Mistress SARAH!!!!!!

EC: WOO! SARAH! TAKE IT OFF!!

Riley: Shut up. We’ll wait for that to happen naturally... in a wrestling ring.

EC: Yea... very natural.

As Sarah walks down the ramp she notices the same man that Low Brass noticed. The same sign “We’ll see Sarah’s melons in the Mellon arena!” is being shoved down Mistress Sarah’s throat. The guy looks at her, “WOO!” he yells out. Sarah looks at him.

Riley: She just gave him the finger! Ouch.

EC: Ouch?

Riley: Well, um... sure.

EC: You weren’t hurt by that.

Sarah climbs into the ring upon arrival while she hands her whip and belt to Caisha, who instinctively takes them and holds them safely. Sarah stands up short at 5 feet 8 inches compared with Low Brass’ 6 feet 3 inches. Low Brass stares down at her with the look in his face that she is just a little girl.

*DING DING DING*

Low Brass smiles and laughs. Sarah gets this look of disbelief on her face while Low Brass takes his time to regain himself. Sarah leaps high into the air, spinning around. Low Brass gets a look of fear on his face as he is nailed in the jaw by a familiar snake skin boot. Low Brass stumbles backwards, but he does not fall. He rubs his jaw as it hurts quite a bit from Sarah’s boot.

Riley: OH! Nice start from Sarah!

EC: Boo! Take it off!

Riley: That will only get you killed.

EC: KABOOM! Kluk. Kluk. Kluk.

Riley: Are you going to speak any english?

EC: Kluk.

Mistress Sarah runs at Low Brass with some devastating punches to his already sore jaw. Bam! Bam! BAM! BAM! Low Brass, dizzy from the punches, leans onto the ropes for some relaxation. But his relaxing period is cut short when Mistress Sarah grabs his arm and whips him. Low Brass reverses the whip, spinning Sarah around and sending her across the ring. Low Brass waits upon her return, ready to hit a back body drop as he leans over. Sarah catches this with her blue green eyes and stops her motion. Sarah walks up to Low Brass, who, by leaning over, can see those deadly, snake skin boots. Low Brass looks up to see the figure of Sarah. Brass stands up tall, but Sarah crouches down, spinning at the time also, and sweeps Low Brass off his feet, literally. SMACK is the sound of Low Brass’ face crunching against the ring canvas. Low Brass is fazed somewhat from this, but he is able to get back up. Sarah quickly clutches Brass’ leg sends him spinning in the air and back down on his back with a dragon leg screw.

Riley: Impact maneuvers from Sarah here. But she needs to strip him to win.

EC: Eewwwww. Strip Low Brass? ACK! cough cough cough.

As Low Brass shakes his head on the ground, Sarah grabs his arm and falls back to the ground with an arm bar locked in.

Riley: Sarah, you can not win by submission.

EC: But it’s fun to see Low Brass in pain.

Low Brass clenches his teeth and opens his eyes wide from the pain on his arm. Mistress Sarah just loves this and pulls the hold tighter, causing more pain to shoot through Low Brass’ arm and shoulder. “AAAARRRRRGGGGGHH!!!!!!” is what is resounding from Low Brass’ mouth throughout the Mellon arena. Low Brass struggles. He twists and turns to try and escape. This way he moves. That way he shifts. Finally, in a desperate struggle, Low Brass is able to flip over onto Sarah’s body. He grabs her tank top with his free hand and begins to pull.

EC: WOO! Here we go! KABOOM!

Riley: Stop it you horny b*stard.

Sarah has 2 choices running throughout her mind. Will she keep the hold and apply more pain even though she may end up half way beaten? Or will she break the hold to save her top and her dignity? In a split few seconds, Mistress Sarah chooses the latter. Low Brass takes a fast opportunity to roll out of the ring and cradle his arm on the outside. Mistress Sarah realigns her top and takes after Low Brass. Low Brass is on his way up the ramp as Mistress Sarah runs after him. The momentum of the match changes when Low Brass turns to see Sarah and sends her on her back to the steel ramp with a back body drop. Low Brass loses his balance right away and tumbles down the cold, unmerciful, unforgiving ramp. Low Brass’ body stops at the bottom where he holds his arm. Mistress Sarah lay at the middle of the ramp, reaching to relieve her back. Low Brass is the first to stand and he rolls himself into the ring like a beached whale. Sarah is able to get to her feet, and a wave of energy comes to her as she dashes to the ring and slides right in.

Riley: Where did this energy come from for Sarah?

EC: I don’t know. Don’t ask me. Low Brass is on his feet by the time that Sarah is in the ring and he nails her in the back a few times with his heavy right leg. Sarah falls to the mat each time, but each time she gets up a little bit more, until she is actually on her feet. Low Brass throws out his right arm. BAM! POW! BAM! POW! Sarah falls back to the ropes, which prop her up and keep her on her feet. Low Brass whips Sarah across the ring hard and fast. As Sarah bounds back, Low Brass hooks his arms around her like a rather harsh hug. Low Brass flips Sarah overhead and both wrestlers fall on their backs.

Riley: Belly-to-belly! We don’t see that too much from Low Brass.

EC: We’ve never seen it from Low Brass.

Riley: Have we or haven’t we?

EC: KABOOM! Kluk.

Riley: Please quit that.

Low Brass gets up rather quickly and makes his way to standing over Mistress Sarah on the ground. Sarah lay there, catching her breath. Low Brass crouches over head and whispers into her ears, “Low Brass will kick you ass.” Low Brass grabs her tank top at the bottom and in one swift motion, he rips it from Sarah’s body, exposing her picturesque breasts, her tan-line, which are, of course, guarded by her black lace bra!! “WOOOOO!!!” The crowd cheers uncontrollably! “YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! LOW BRASS!! LOW BRASS!! LOW BRASS!!”

EC: Oh.... dear....

Riley: Low Brass has won this match half way. All he has to do now is rip off Mistress Sarah’s pants!

EC: Oh.... dear....

Riley: Dude, you got this weird look on your face. And your tongue is hanging halfway out of your mouth.

EC: Oh.... dear....

Low Brass hold the tank top in the air over his head as the crowd cheers some more. He turns around and shows the top to the other side of the arena. BOOM! Low Brass falls to the mat after a Low Blow from Sarah. She can’t be disqualified due to the nature of the match. Low Brass curls up into a fetal position, holding his groin area. Mistress Sarah leans over and whispers into Low Brass’ ears, “Mistress Sarah just kicked YOUR ass.” Mistress Sarah reaches for Low Brass shirt at the bottom and in one swift motion, she rips it off of Low Brass’ body, exposing his bare chest and beer belly!. The crowd erupts into massive “EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!! BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” at the sight of Low Brass’ naked upper half.

EC: ACK! KABOOM! TURN AWAY!

Riley: Ugh. That’s just sick.

Low Brass turns rolls over and stares at Mistress Sarah, who is holding his shirt up in the air. Low Brass waits for the right moment when Sarah’s back is turned. Just as Sarah turns around Low Brass leaps at her and grabs her pants!! He uses all of his body weight and begins to pull down...........

but nothing happens. The pants are too tight on Mistress Sarah. The only way to remove them would be to unzip them and wriggle them off. Mistress Sarah smiles, then looks surprised, then disgusted, and she swings her hand way back. WHAM! Sarah slaps Low Brass across the face and sends him flying across the ring. Low Brass rubs his jaw, which is in more pain now, and he rises to his feet. Low Brass takes some quick steps, sprints off, and spears Sarah. BOWM! Sarah’s back is laid flat on the mat. Low Brass stands over her, wanting to make her feel pain. He pulls her up by her hair, hooks her arms around his shoulders, and he nails a vertical suplex. Low Brass grabs her hair and pulls her up again. He spins her so that they face the same direction. Again he hooks her arm around his shoulders, lifters her in the air, and nails a falling back suplex. Low Brass gets up, dragging Sarah up with her. He sets her up side-by-side and nails a Russian leg sweep. Meanwhile, both Sarah and Low Brass are halfway to losing. Low Brass gets up again and hurries to the turnbuckle, which he climbs. Low Brass stands tall and points to his elbow. The crowd begins to cheer. Low Brass leaps into the air to the tune of 16,000 fans screaming. BAM! Low Brass falls straight into the mat where Sarah used to be. His elbow crashes down and he yells in pain.

Riley: ooohhh. A bad move from Low Brass. He completely missed Sarah, and now she has the advantage.

EC: KABOOM! That should have been the sound of Low Brass exploding on the mat. KABOOM!

Riley: I do say chicken, you are a piece of sh*t!

EC: Kluk. Tell that to everybody else and see what they say.

Riley: They’ll all say the same thing.

EC: No they won’t. Y-you... You LIE! Stop treating me like this. You’re so mean.

Riley: I’m sorry.

EC: WUSSY!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Sarah lays down, her legs near Low Brass’ head. She scissors her legs around his neck and squeezes.

Riley: TORTURE CHAMBER! That’s got to hurt!

EC: OUCH! KLUK!

Mistress Sarah wrenches Low Brass’ neck. Brass’ face turns red from the lack of oxygen. He begins to flail his arms into Sarah’s legs, trying to break the hold. But Low Brass does not succeed. And he begins to try and relieve some of the pressure from his neck. Low Brass shoves himself across the ring, dragging Sarah with him.

Riley: He’s got his leg on the ropes!!

EC: So?

Riley: Sarah has to release the hold.

EC: oh. kluk?

Riley: Yes. kluk.

Mistress Sarah keeps the hold on as the ref counts. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Sarah breaks the hold. Low Brass takes deep breaths. Sarah, however, does not share in Low Brass’ pain, and she climbs the turnbuckle nearest to Low Brass. Low Brass just lies on the ground, trying to catch his breath, while Sarah is standing on the turnbuckle, facing the ring. Sarah leaps into the air, flipping backwards, and she lands belly-to-belly on Low Brass.

Riley: OH DAMN! A shooting star press!

EC: KABOOM!

Low Brass expels all of his air when Mistress Sarah lands on him and he begins to black out. Mistress Sarah pulls Low Brass up to his feet. But when Low Brass stands, his legs collapse under him and he falls down immediately. Sarah smiles at this and reaches down at Low Brass’ pants. Sarah slowly brings her hand to Low Brass’ zipper. Very slowly, so as to extend the amount of embarrassment, Sarah unzips Low Brass’ pants. Sarah then walks, very slowly, to Low Brass’ feet. She grabs Brass’ pant legs. And, slower than a snail crawling up a moss-covered hill during a blizzard, an avalanche, and a hurricane, Mistress Sarah removes Low Brass’ pants revealing his Lucky Charms boxers and his mighty whitey untanned legs to the world!!

Riley: Oh I think I’m gonna puke!

EC: Kluk! ugh... Disgusting. kaboom.

*DING DING DING*

“Dragula” hits up on the stereo.

Funyon: Your winner of this match, and STILL European Champion, Misssstresssss SSSAAAAAAARRRRRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Riley: Well she won. PUT HIS PANTS BACK ON HIM!

EC: YES, PLEASE! EVEN I AGREE WITH RILEY HERE! NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT!

Sarah, however, is not finished yet. Sarah grabs Low Brass by his bald head and holds him up with the bit of consciousness left in him. Sarah wrenches his arm, perking him up somewhat. She brings up a leg similar to an axe kick, and she sits down, heaving Low Brass’ head into the canvas!

Riley: The Khamsin! Oh dear....

EC: KABOOM! Look at Sarah! WOO!

Caisha steps into the ring, handing Sarah her whip and title belt. Sarah smiles at Caisha as if they’re not finished yet. The music cuts as Caisha nods and runs out of the ring, up the ramp, and backstage. Sarah stands in the ring, waiting.

Riley: What the hell is going on now?

EC: KABOOM! Caisha is one cute girl! Kluk.

Riley: Stop trying to imitate Jerry Lawler.

EC: Sorry.

Riley: Much better. This was a slobberknocker match.

EC: Stop trying to imitate JR.

Riley: Sorry.

EC: Much better.

Suddenly, at the top of the ramp, Caisha emerges with the Commishdogg. The Commishdogg carries with him a small suitcase, while he points to Sarah, giving her a thumbs up to a job well done. Sarah smiles back and waits in the ring for Caisha and the Commish. Upon entering the ring, the Commish requests a microphone.

Commish: Well, well, well. Low Brass. If only you were awake. Then you could see yourself now. You have been embarrassed just like I wanted you to be. This is so much fun. I have here, in my briefcase, something which will embarrass you even more than you have been. I mean, first, you were beaten by a woman. But not just any woman, Mistress Sarah, the most dominant female in sports entertainment today. But now, you will be embarrassed beyond belief for your membership in X-Force-9, for your attacks on the Hville Thugg, for your rude comments about the Alliance. It’s time, Sarah, Caisha. Let’s do this.

Riley: What is the Commishdogg doing?

EC: Eating pudding on a cold, chilly day for warmth.

Riley: It was a rhetorical question.

EC: Meaning what? Eating pudding on a warm day for coldth?

Riley: Shut up.

The Commishdogg, Mistress Sarah, and Caisha surround Low Brass to where nobody can see inside. They pull in the briefcase. A few moments later, they toss the briefcase back out, and arms can be seen moving around, struggling, moving freely. Soon, the voice of the Commishdogg is heard again.

Commish: Low Brass. For your constant interference with the Alliance, you will be the first “humiliated beyond belief” member of X-Force-9. And due to the nature the match in which you just participated, I feel that your loss would not be complete without an extra added touch.

Mistress Sarah steps away. Caisha moves from Low Brass. The Commishdogg clears an open view. They have dress Low Brass in a red bra and red panties!!

EC: I’M GOING TO THROW UP!

Riley: HA HA HA HA HA!!! THAT’S HILARIOUS! Look at him.

EC: I can’t. It’s making me sick.

Riley: HA HA HA HA!!!

“Dragula” starts up again as Mistress Sarah, Caisha, and the Commishdogg leave the ring, and the camera fades out.

March 3, 2002

PROMO (Stubby P. McWeed);

"*That* was your best match Sarah?

Now I remember why I used to job you so often (besides the fact that you're a smelly girl).

Meeeemories.

Mothernature marks out for bra and panties..."

March 11, 2002

This one's a losing effort, but it took the 'ladder match' in an interesting direction. It was also rushed... More talking than match, but hey... Hope you likes!

----------

(We come back from the commercial to a black screen, then the "Crimson" logo slides into the screen with a metallic sound... We hear the screaming of fans, but still don't see them... When suddenly, *BOOM!* the Crimson logo explodes, replaced by a panning shot of the Cow Palace crowd... Cheering, ravenous fans, that are out for hardcore blood and pain. The camera focuses on a group dressed up in a decent representation of the Clan... Another fan dressed up like Ash, though he's 40. Signs are present throughout the rolling crowd: "Cleveland Rocks!" "INSAAAAAAAAANE!" and "Gin-n-Tonic!" are just a few... The camera continues to move over the crowd as the ever-present Axis and Cyclone Comet's voices break through the cheers...)

Axis: Hello again everyone, and we're coming back to you -live- from the sold-out Cow Palace in Oakland, California, for IGNML Crimson! I'm Axis...

CC: And I'm laughing... Cow Palace??? What the Hell kind of name is that?

Axis: You're one to talk... What kind of name is Cyclone Comet?

CC: ... Better than yours.

(Axis sighs as the camera focuses now on said Axis and CC at the announce table.)

Axis: At any rate, if you've just tuned in, you missed an outstanding singles match with Insane Luchador and Adrenaline!

(The screen cuts to the ending moments of the last match.)

CC: It's too bad one of those guys had to lose, but that's the name of the game!

Axis: You're right, Double-C... But this -next- match promises to be very entertaining... A 3-way, two-title ladder match with a twist!

CC: That's right, Citizen Axis... The titles are hidden within the arena itself! With one ladder between 3 people, you either have to run around a heck of a lot, or you have to get creative! And with the combatants in this match, you can expect to see some creativeness, in many ways!

Axis (seeing Funyon getting into the ring, card and mike in hand): And it looks like we're getting ready to see how creative these guys can be!

Funyon: This match is a three-way, two-title ladder match for the IGNML Television and Western US titles!

(The crowd pops huge at the announcement, then suddenly... *POW!!!* A huge red pyro blast goes off and the old Pokemon Theme begins to play. The crowd goes wild as the first competitor, Ash Ketchum, comes out through the smoke, stopping at the top of the stage. He makes a peace sign with his right hand, then goes down to ringside, slapping hands with the fans and getting pumped up as a video of clips from his best ML matches plays on he IGNTron.)

Funyon: Introducing first, entering the ring area, hailing from Pallet Town... Weighing in at 244 pounds... He is the ruler of the undercard... ASHHH KETCH-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!

(Ash comes up to the ring, then slides into the ring, soaking up the crowd response.)

CC: Ash here earned his shot for the TV title at Retribution a while back, and now he's gonna try to cash in... Or maybe he'll go for the bigger prize of the oddly-vacated West-US title!

Axis: In case you folks didn't hear, the Clan came out, explaining the sudden disappearance of John Doe, the former Western US title holder...

(Another flashback, to snippets of the Clan's explanations for Doe)

Axis: ... So we've got both titles on the line here, tonight!

(The music fades, as do the lights... Suddenly, Linkin Park's "One Step Closer" starts up, with the crowd popping... Suddenly, after 10 seconds, the music cuts off... The crowd swells to a fevered pitch...)

CC: Oh man, Axis, here we go again!

(*BOOM!!!* The entranceway lights up in a huge explosive pyrotech display, accompanied by a massive pop from the crowd, and the heavy guitar lines of "One Step Closer" blare from the speakers. The arena lights come up, and Christian Fury strides out, somewhat ginger looking, but intensity still etched on his features. He works the crowd up as he walks to the ring. The IGNTron behind him shows some of his crowd-pleaser moves, along with the occasional "Fury" in stylized script. He mounts the apron, grabbing the top rope, and flips himself into the ring. He faces the crowd, tossing his denim vest out of the ring. He then faces the crowd, riling them into a... well... a fury!

Funyon: And his opponent, hailing from East Cleveland, Ohio... Weighing in at 227 pounds... CRISSSSSSTIANNNNNNN FUUUUUUUUUUUUUURY!

Axis: Fury still looking pretty beaten from his contention match on Mirage, but he's coming out here to make a statement to his deservedness of one of these titles.

CC: 'Deservedness'? Is that even a word? Anyway, on Mirage, Fury in a match with Iceman, and Thoth as special referee, and Fury took a lot of punishment from Iceman...

(Flashback to Mirage, the various shots Fury took from Iceman, the Gin-n-Tonic kick, the Heinekenrana, assorted clotheslines...)

CC: ... And then at the end, Thoth coming up to make a statement!

(Flashback to Thoth hitting a Riot of the Blood on Iceman, then on Fury, and giving Fury the cover on Iceman)

Axis: Thoth set Iceman up for the fall, and weakened up Fury for this match today!

CC: And speaking of the Clansman...

(Almost on cue, "Sadistic Eyes" from the King of Fighters '99 Arranged Soundtrack belts out of the speakers, and out walks Thoth. He stops at the top of the ramp, decked out in a striped ref's shirt, black wristbands and matching pants, strapped loosely at the knees. He looks out at the audience to a massively negative pop. He spreads his arms at his sides, moves his feet to about shoulder width, and looks at the ground. Sucking in the crowd response, he thrusts his right fist into his left palm and walks down to ringside. He climbs the nearest turnbuckle, and stands atop it. He raises his arms, and stares down the other two fighters. He then jumps into the ring.)

Funyon: And introducing now... Hailing from parts unknown. He is a member of the Clan, and the current IGNML Television Champion, THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!

Axis: Thoth's looking to at least retain his TV Title here, but might be setting his eyes higher. We'll see what happens!

(Funyon nods to the bell ringer...)

DING! DING! DING!

(As soon as the bell rings, both Ash and Thoth charge the weakened Fury with the same thought in mind: Eliminating the wounded from the fight immediately. Thoth catches Fury with shots to the face, while Ash goes for the low side... The three fighters go down in a tangle as Fury tries to fight both combatants off of him, but can't, grunting in fresh pain from his injuries on Mirage... Thoth pulls him to his feet, sending hin into the ropes, and following quickly, delivering a -huge- roundhouse kick to the face, sending him tumbling over the ropes to the floor... The crowd gasps in sympathy as Fury crumples to the floor, and Thoth turns to put some punishment on Ash. Ash, meanwhile, has slipped under the ropes, taking the ladder and jogging up the entrance ramp while Thoth is distracted with Fury... Thoth turns in time to see Ash disappear backstage, and glares, sliding under the ropes. He leans down, having words with the prone Fury, then kicking him in the ribs as he tries to struggle to all fours... The crowd boos and hisses as Fury gets the breath knocked out of him, then Thoth charges up the ramp.)

CC: Very unheroic efforts by Thoth and Ash, ganging up on the injured Fury!

Axis: But they did what they wanted to do: For the meantime, Thoth and Ash are all alone to search for the titles in the arena here, and Fury is losing precious time.

(The crowd starts to chant "FU-RY! FU-RY! FU-RY!" as Fury pushes again to his hands and knees... He grasps the ring apron, pulling himself to his feet painfully as the crowd pops huge! Fury turns slowly as the IGNTron shows a split-screen of Ash and Thoth, already searching the backstage area for the belts. Fury narrows his eyes, taking deep breaths, then turns and charges up the ramp to the cheering of the crowd!

Axis: And now Fury's up, and he is -pissed-! He's making his way backstage with a bit of revenge on his mind!

CC: This guy's truly tough as nails! He's gonna go far, no matter what happens today!

(The camera switches to a backstage shot, the motion jittery as the cameraman runs after one of the combatants, we're not sure which... We round the corner, and see... Ash Ketchum! The camera jitter slows as we're finally caught up, and follows Ash, carrying the ladder as he looks around within the infrastructure of the arena itself, eyes up the whole time... Then he notices he's walking down a hall, doors to each side. He starts to open each one, looking in each room, then slamming the doors shut... This repeats until he comes to a red door... He pulls on it, and it gives a little, but then doesn't budge.)

Ash: What the Hell...?

(Ash tugs increasingly harder on the door, but after a few moments pauses, dropping the ladder to gather himself for one, final pull. Suddenly the door swings open on its own, before Ash can brace, and smacks into Ash hard, knocking him down, dazing him. The crowd boos, heard even backstage as Thoth storms out, sneering at the fallen Ash, grabbing him by the hair, and pulling him up to go nose-to-nose with Ash.)

Thoth (hissing): Nope... Nothing in here... Nice try, Poke-boy.

(Ash growls, and takes a wild swing... Thoth easily blocks, then lets go of Ash's hair, slipping his now-free hand under the block, smashing it up under Ash's chin. Ash reels back, dazed, as Thoth runs off down an adjacent hall.)

Axis: Thoth was laying in wait!

CC: Unethical, but a good strategy. Thoth, having knocked Ash and Fury down, can look for the belts on his own and take his time. Prepare to lay another ambush. Whatever he wants!

(Another camera picks up from here, following Thoth as he searches for either of the elusive belts... He swings open a door, then in a break area... Jackpot! One of the belts is hooked to the high ceiling. The crowd groans, seeing the belt, whichever it is, falling into the hands of the Clan...)

Thoth (smiling slowly) Ahh... Come to the Clan.

(Thoth comes into the room, the camera behind him, but not quite in the doorway, when...)

Voice (off-camera, to thoth's left): Catch!

(Thoth is seen to turn, reaching to catch a lunch tray tossed at his head from off-camera... And at the same moment, the sounds of boots on a table, and suddenly a flying kick crashes into the lunch tray, knocking it back into Thoth's head, sending him crashing back into the wall, the tray nearly cracked in half from both impacts. And as the cameraman comes in, the crowd pops massive, seeing Fury crouching on the table, breathing hard.)

CC: It's Christian Fury!!! He used Thoth's own ploy against him! But...

Axis: But if he was in there, why didn't he grab the belt?

(Fury stands slowly, then walks, going to the belt... The table gives him enough height to grab the dangling belt... He turns it slowly, revealing it to the camera in the turn... It's the TV title! The crowd chants "FU-RY! FU-RY! FU-RY!" again as Fury looks at the belt, so close...)

Fury: Ash! Get in here! I've got something for you!

(The crowd heaves a collective gasp in surprise, realizing what he's doing!

CC: I can't believe it! Is Fury calling Ash to come grab the belt?

Axis: If he is, that means Fury's going for the big prize tonight!

(The camera pans as a dazed, wary Ash enters the room... His eyes light up slightly, seeing the belt as Fury jumps down from the table. He looks over to Ash with a nod.)

Fury: It's yours... I want to humiliate this creampuff as much as possible, like he did me on Mirage.

(Thoth stirs slowly, and Fury goes over to him, pulling him up by the hair, dragging him out of the door, slamming it shut behind him as he walks with Thoth in his grip down the hall.)

Axis: Fury just left Ash in there with the TV title!

CC: Yeah, but did you hear what he told Ash? He wants to humiliate Thoth after the happenings at Mirage! This isn't about the titles at the moment... This is about pride, and revenge!

(The two come to a widened area... Plenty of room to tussle! Fury straightens up Thoth, and lets a resounding chop fly across his chest! He slams a second! The crowd grows louder, feeling the momentum switch to the underdog, Fury... He sets up for a third, but Thoth grabs the arm, hooking his own around it, then sends Fury down to the ground hard, Thoth coming down on his stomach... He pauses a moment, to catch his breath, then gets to his feet, looking down at the stunned Fury.)

Thoth: You fool! You'll pay for this!

(Thoth runs back down the hall, coming to the door that the TV belt was behind. He tears the door open, then looks in... The crowd popsw at the same time Thoth lets loose a bellow of rage! He moves into the room, to a closed circuit TV, ready to pick it up and hurl it, when he catches another camera view...)

(The view switches back to the ring, and suddenly... The crowd cheers as Ash staggers down the entrance ramp... The TV title held high! Funyon takes up the mike...)

Funyon: Ladies and gentlemen, your -new- Television Champion... ASHHHHH KETCH-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

Axis: Ash took it! That means that Thoth and Fury are fighting it out now for the West-US title!

(Cut back to Thoth, glaring at the TV, then throwing it against the wall, and steaming back out of the break room, churning back to where Fury is... Or was. Thoth bellows, looking everywhere for the man he ground to the floor not moments before... He stalks slowly away from the hall he just came out of...)

Thoth: Fury! Come out you coward! I know you're still around! You've cost me the TV title, and now you can repay me with your screams!

(Suddenly, a rolling sound from behind... Thoth turns, and sees Fury rolled onto his stomach, apparently from under a nearby table. Thoth approaches, and Fury turns over once more... And suddenly, a huge cloud of CO2 envelops Thoth, as Fury brandishes the fire extinguisher he had held to his chest, pointing the nozzle at Thoth and jamming on the trigger. Fury tosses the extinguisher aside, then stands up quick, jamming two fists into Thoth's throat, doubling him over momentarily, but long enough... Fury quickly throws a leg over Thoth's neck, then jumps in the air, slamming Thoth's head face-first to the floor! The fans pop massively outside in the main arena bowl! Fury takes a few breaths, then stands quickly, speeding off-camera down another hall! Thoth slowly gets to his feet, shaking his head, then staggers very slightly, taking off after Fury. The cameraman starts a jog after them.)

Axis: Unbelievable action so far! Fury taking advantage of the element of surprise, and Thoth's obsession to keep the titles within the Clan!

CC: Fury's showing a lot of heart and a lot of brains, picking slowly at Thoth... But he wants to be careful not to get him too mad, because Thoth's still fresh, while Fury has to be fighting the beatings from earlier in the match, -and- from Mirage!

(The cameraman turns the corner, the view now one of the parking structure outside... The cameraman walks slowly, almost warily, until... *SMASH!* The sounds of some unfortunate's car door gets smashed in by something big and solid... Followed by the wails of several car alarms, and a supremely pissed-off scream:)

Thoth: FURY!!!! I know you're here!! Come face your beating like a man!!

(The cameraman jumps into action, following the echoing voice out, panning until... There's Thoth! He has a steel chair, and he is -royally- pissed! He holds the chair, then swings... *SMASH!* He slams the chair into the hood of a red 'Vette.)

Thoth: FURY!!!!

(Suddenly, the sounds of running, then before Thoth can turn around, Fury leaps out from between some cars, nailing a spear from behind! Thoth and Fury fall in a heap, Thoth falling on his chair, and Fury scrambling up quickly... Fury jumps up onto a nearby car's hood, then the roof...)

CC: Fury's got the Clansman down, and he's setting him up for a high-risk move! He wants to deal out the punishment fast and hard!

(Fury bounces on the car, slowly getting the shocks working, making the car bounce once, twice, setting up for the 'Moon Over Parma' moonsault! The crowd roars as the car bounces once more, and Fury leaps! Thoth rolls over to one side, and swings the chair from his prone position, connecting with the chest of the falling Fury with a sickening crack! Fury falls hard, limp against the chair, slamming into the concrete on top of the chair!

Axis: Oh my God! Fury took the risk and paid for it! Thoth with the presence of mind to bring that chair up, and probably broke some ribs!

CC: Fury's out! He has to be! No one can take a shot like that!

(Thoth slowly rises to his feet, looking down at the limp, prone Fury, then pulls him up by the hair... He scoops him up, cradling the leg, holding it...)

Axis: Oh no... Riot of the Blood on the cement! Even Thoth can't be this vicious! Fury'll be dead if Thoth pulls this off!

(As Thoth is about to execute, a blur... Ash! Ash comes flying into the picture, slamming the TV title belt into the small of Thoth's back, causing him to let og of Fury, who drops to the ground, but a lot easier than he could've... Ash takes off quick into the sea of cars, completing the hit-and-run tactic! Thoth grabs his back, looking around with a glare, then his eye light on something... As the camera pans, we see the WUS title hanging further into the structure! Thoth grins, then heads that way, much to the dismay of the crowd.)

CC: Thoth may just get there! Fury isn't much in shape to put up any sort of effort right now from that chair shot!

Axis: But take a look... It's amazing!

(The camera shows Fury slowly getting up, chest welted and bruised from the chair shot, but he's getting up, with support from the car. He sees Thoth, and the title, then slowly staggers that way... The crowds chanting again, cheering for the face... Fury lifts his head, staring at Thoth.)

Fury: You haven't taken me down yet! C'mon! I took your precious title away from you! You better make sure I don't do it again!

(Thoth glares hard at him, then continues on towards the WUS title... Fury jogs behind him, turning him around hard. Thoth wheels around, then gets met with a double-handed shot to the face! Thoth staggers back, and Fury doesn't let up, delivering another 'Slap Shot'! The sight of the gold is filling him with purpose... He leaps on Thoth, driving him to the ground, pounding mercilessly on him. Thoth throws him off, and both men stand up, circling one another... The men lock up, then Thoth levels a right to the face! Fury responds! The men exchange blows, neither backing down... Thoth gives Fury a kick to the ribs, and Fury crumples, shocked with pain... Thoth tries to press the advantage, grabbing him around the chest, but Fury recovers at the pain, dropping an elbow to the back of Thoth's head... Then another! Thoth releases the hold, and Fury, with an amazing burst of speed considering the pounding he's taken, gets the bent-over Thoth in a 3/4 face lock... The crowd roars as he gets his bearings, then drops hard to a knee! Thoth's chin jars into Fury's shoulder, but Fury's not done! He still has the face lock on! Fury lifts Thoth once again, then drops his legs out from under himself, crashing Thoth's jaw once again into his shoulder! He lets go, and Thoth falls back on his back, limp, unmoving... Fury's taken a pounding at the falls to the concrete, but he slowly gets up... Walking, staggering over to the car closest under the title... He climbs the bumper... the hood... then mounts the roof... he strains, reaching up, fingertips grazing the belt... Thoth gets up slow, and sees Fury... He stands quickly, dazed, running over, but Fury stretches, and... Just as Thoth gives his legs a shove, Fury grabs tight! He pulls it down, grabbing it close as he crumples on top of the roof!

Axis: HE HAS IT! HE HAS IT! FURY'S GOT THE BELT!

Funyon: Your winner, and -new- Western US Champion... CHRISTIAN FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURY!!!

CC: My God! He did it!!! Amazing!!! We're up against it! We'll be back!

(Fade to black...)

Your Greatest Match

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