The Crossface: King of the Ring 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Well, we have a new King of the Ring and the PPV is in the books. The WWE has been losing fans by the thousands but a few of the faithful Smart Marks actually decided to shell out some cash and watch the damn thing. Some of us chose to watch it at local bars so we could at least be drunk by the time HHH met up with the Undertaker. So without further delay, a few of us (although inebriated) will give our opinions on the King of the Ring in this week’s edition of the Crossface!

 

 

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

 

Byron Vester: I thought the match was pretty good, but it dragged a bit. It had a clean finish and everything, even if the guy I wanted to win didn’t go over. No way was it **** like so many people have been saying though.

 

Fake Razor: Wow, I thought this would be an awesome match. How wrong I was. It was more slow paced and boring than good. An ok effort, and an ok match, but I expected much, MUCH more from these two. RVD wins, going against my prediction of Jericho winning. God damn HHH, Jericho goes from the UNDISPUTED Champion to jobbing in the first round of the KOTR tourney, all in 3 months.

 

Stephen Popick: Well, we pretty much knew Jericho would be jobbing here. At least from the bar's perspective, we were convinced by the end that Jericho stood a chance of winning. Good action, exactly what I would expect from these guys, and I can only hope that the way it ended signals a feud for the summer between the two.

 

William Helmick: I really enjoyed this match but it’s nowhere near as good as their match at No Mercy last year. The dead crowd was a bad sign of things to come. The handling of these two superstars has been absolutely pathetic leading up to the show but they managed to still put on the match of the night.

 

 

Brock Lesnar vs. Test

 

Byron: Test tried like nuts to hold this match together, but it also suffered from a dead crowd due to the whole heel/heel bit. Nice work in the last couple of minutes as Test really sold the hell out of Brockberg’s power offense (which was boring as hell for the most part).

 

Fake Razor: Bo-ring. Predictably, Lesnar won, after kicking out of Test's DEVASTATING (sarcasm) Big Boot.

 

Stephen: They're still protecting Test, who lost because of Heyman's interference. We at the bar didn't care much except to see the power moves. This was a beer match, to say the least.

 

William: I think this was the first time I can ever recall cheering for Test to win a match. He put up a good fight but the match sucked donkey balls. The end sequence was ok but that didn’t make up for the beginning and middle, which were abysmal.

 

 

Hurricane Helms vs. Jamie Knoble

 

Byron: Aside from the neckbreaker spots, this was a damn snoozefest for the most part with a highspot or two thrown in. What could have possessed them to stay on the mat for the almost the entire match? I know WWE sheep are kind of slow for the most part, but dammit, it’s the fucking Cruiserweight Title! Oh yeah, the whole foot on the ropes thing? Been there, done that, saw the same finish on RAW. Please Rey… hurry up and get here…

 

Fake Razor: Another match I had high hopes for, and another match that failed to deliver the goods. This was an ok cruiser battle but nothing to write home about. I can't decide whether or not I like Knoble's redneck gimmick, it’s so bad that it's hilarious. Anyway, Knoble won, as I predicted.

 

Stephen: Okay, so, this sports bar is in Atlanta, we hated the rednecks, cheered for Hurricane, and were like “what the hell” when he lost. Knoble is heatless...way to kill the division guys! People were getting behind Mr. Helms.

 

William: After watching this match I don’t think I even care about the cruiserweight division anymore. This match was full of restholds galore, missed spots, and unneeded interference. If Knoble can’t handle he pressure of playing in the bigtime then go back to OVW and get the “F” out! Rey Jr. might give the division a spark but if he’s forced to wrestle like the heavyweights then what’s the point? Another abysmal match.

 

 

Ric Flair vs. Eddy Guerrero

 

Byron: Boring as hell with all that goddamned stalling by Eddy. And why is Bubba Ray running in for the finish? What the FUCK was that all about? When had either Flair or Guerrero EVER associated with Bubba Ray in ANY way in the past week to warrant that horseshit?

 

Fake Razor: Pretty slow paced and boring also. Not a bad match by any stretch of the imagination, but like the other matches on the card, they're nothing special. I had picked Benoit to interfere, which he did, and cost Flair the match, but I was wrong and Flair held on. Bubba fucking Ray Dudley cost Guerrero the match. That's just strange, especially considering that he laid Guerrero out with the Bubba Bomb, and Flair couldn't cover for a good 7 or 8 seconds. The Bubba Bomb seldom puts ANY wrestler down, let alone Eddy Guerrero after a 7 or 8 second delay. Whatever...

 

Stephen: Wow, an old man got carried to a decent watchable match. Markout moment, seeking Bubba come in, and now seeing a Bubba / Benoit feud...not too shabby me thinks. Bubba has shown potential. As for the match, it's Flair, so it was watchable, but for anyone else I think we would have been disappointed.

 

William: I had high hopes for this match and two of the greatest wrestlers ever let me down. The work on the knee was sound but I nearly fell asleep watching this match… in a bar full of people! Flair is just one more example of what’s wrong with the Fed today. Old guys past their prime taking up space that could be used for the new lions. Also, the wrong person went over. Flair should be doing what Hogan is doing. Losing every match to younger, more qualified guys.

 

 

Trish Stratus vs. Molly

 

Byron: Okayish, but they’ve had a LOT better matches before. A couple of odd sequences that looked really forced, but at least it was somewhat clean.

 

Fake Razor: Solid women's match, and that's about all. Trish has steadily improved with every match, and this was another passable women’s match. Molly won, as I predicted. Finally, the best women's wrestler in the WWE gets her hands on the Women's gold.

 

Stephen: The bar was fully of Molly Marks because we in Atlanta like our women with some junk in the trunk! Gives us something to bounce...err..the match? Women's matches are getting better, and this was no exception. I wish some of the men could do as well.

 

William:I wasn’t expecting anything from this match but it managed to entertain me. At this point in time I needed to relieve myself but held off until the end of the match. I guess that counts for something

 

 

Kurt Angle vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan

 

Byron: Bleh match, GREAT ending sequence. And Hogan fucking TAPS, TOO!!! First time I’ve ever seen him lose by tapout. Match wasn’t anything special, but it still had a great ending.

 

Fake Razor: WOOOOOO! I sort of got into this match, even though it sucked for the most part. Angle is an outstanding wrestler, but he isn't a miracle worker, and pulled an ok match out of Hogan. Man, when I saw that old bastard tap to the Ankle Lock, I marked like a bitch. Angle joins the elite group of THREE wrestlers to get Hogan to tap out, the other two being Lex Luger and Rowdy Roddy Piper. Strange, it seems like Hogan has jobbed more this year than he has in his entire career.

 

Stephen: Match was kind of slow until the end, and I give those two major credit for a great ending sequence that had the Angle fans and Hogan fans on their feet. We were on our feet at the bar. The match was slow in spots, but overall was a good effort, and props to Hogan for a good job of selling and putting over Angle.

 

William: I was happier than a pig in shit that Angle won the match. I was not happy having to sit through this match. The word on the street is that Hogan goes away at Summerslam. I am patiently waiting for that day to come. As long as he keeps jobbing on his way out then so be it. Oh yeah, the match sucked!

 

 

Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar (King of the Ring Final

 

Byron: Wow… a 3 minute barnburner, just what I needed. This reminded me of KOTR 99 and the X-Pac/ Billy Gunn final from that show. I know both guys were kind of tired and all, but damn, book a double knockout or something and NOT screw the viewing public already.

 

Fake Razor: Another boring match. I see potential in Lesnar, but until they let him show off some of the great technical ability he supposedly has, I am hard pressed to enjoy any of his matches. Lesnar beat Van Dam with the patented F-5, as I predicted (well, I actually predicted him to beat Jericho... but close enough). RVD was made to look like a jobber almost in this match. Lesnar is being pushed way too hard too soon. Kurt Angle he ain’t.

 

Stephen: I had hoped that RVD would have put up more of a fight, but I liked how the ending just happened. Brock is being built up as a human monster but is showing weakness to avoid the Goldberg chants. RVD once again proves why he is one of the most entertaining wrestlers the WWeeeeeee has.

 

William: A fucking squash! RVD WAS the most exciting star the Fed had and he gets treated like Tommy Dreamer in an Undertaker match. Stupid, Stupid, stupid! Tell me again why Booker wasn’t booked for this show and The Next Big Flash In the pan is getting a push.

 

 

Undertaker vs. Triple H (Undisputed World Title Match)

 

Byron: You know what? Fuck The Rock. Fuck him and fuck the bookers for thinking that the overbooked pile of dogshit that was the main event was actually a GOOD idea. WHY did Rock have to interfere anyway? Or even come down to ringside just to run away Heyman and bring the ENTIRE MATCH to a screeching halt? Why couldn’t Taker just cheat on his own to beat Triple H? Why did we have such a huge ass clusterfuck after the match was over with anyway? Pick a guy to look dominant AND STICK WITH IT! Goddamnit, I’m tired of all the screwjobs in the main event already. Hell, I didn’t like Brockberg winning the crown and all, but at least he did it clean. Almost EVERY match except for the Tourney, the Women’s Title match, and Kurt/Hogan was chock full of run-ins and interference. Is it TOO much to ask for a semi-clean win in the main event these days?

 

Fake Razor: Come on, how good could this match have possibly been? Another snooze-fest, the match couldn't really hold my attention. It started to get hot near the end with interference from The Rock, who accidentally laid out Triple H with a chair, and later Rock bottomed BIG EVIL. Taker beat HHH with a rollup. I predicted Undertaker as the winner of this match so I’m somewhat happy. Not bad, I got 6 out of 8 predictions right. Hopefully Taker won't be champ at Summerslam. I see The Rock de-throning him at Vengeance anyway, and going on to SS to face Lesnar.

 

Stephen: A clusterfuck finish eh? I was praying HHH would lose. He did, so I am happy. Undertaker continues to be a worthy champion, and I like the freedom the tweener status of UT and HHH works with Rock's newfound locker-room leader attitude. Boring until the end, but it served its purpose. Not the best main event, but not the worst.

 

William: when a man not n the match gets more heat than either of the participants you know the match is going to suck. I took a piss break, paid the tab and made a telephone call during the match. When I returned to the table, I was informed I didn’t miss a damn thing. Wasn’t there a reason they dropped this program a few months ago? Maybe it was because everyone except the WWE knew the match was going to suck.

 

 

Final Thoughts

 

Byron: The first two matches were probably the best on the night with MAYBE Flair/Guerrero giving the Test/Brockberg match a run for it’s money. But still, it was a very lackluster show with a TERRIBLE main event and a King who is so un-over that it isn’t even funny (I’ll give him a chance though, just to see where the push goes). Thumbs in the middle for this show which makes it eons better than Backlash and Judgment Day (which isn’t saying much, though).

 

Fake Razor: Crappy PPV, don't waste your time. No good matches on the card, the best matches were mediocre at best. I was pulling for King Van Dam, but knew deep down (and predicted) Lesnar was the next KOTR. Hopefully he doesn't "Billy Gunn" his reign. When a promo is the most entertaining thing about a PPV, you know you've got problems.

 

Stephen: All around, an average PPV with some shining moments. Booker/Goldust/Rock had the moment of the night. The best promo I've heard in months, and the best worked. I am so glad the WWe kept Goldie around, Sucka! The show was worth seeing, but don’t go out of your way.

 

William: Christ, I feel ripped off. Even the alcohol I consumed wasn’t enough to numb the pain of the pathetic display of what Vince McMahon considers wrestling. There wasn’t much wrestling on tonight’s show. The Rock, Booker T and Goldust had a great segment. RVD and Jericho had a good match. The rest was shit. A big stinky piece of shit stuck on a horse's ass.

 

(make sure you check out Dames’ recap of the show and JHawk’s live on-site report coming tomorrow!)