Brain Droppings

[Guest TSMAdmin]

RE-INVENTING THE WHEEL (OR MY MONDAY, FOR ALL THE ROCKY & BULLWINKLE FANS)

 

So what did you do on Monday? Did you tune into RAW at 9 on the dime (8 for you whack Central folks… god it must suck to be either an hour ahead or behind.) as usual? Or did you maybe finish up what you were doing and figured if you miss the first 10 or so minutes you wouldn’t miss anything important? Sit glued to your chair for 2 hours plus using commercials for food and relief?

 

Or… were you doing what I was doing which was something else while RAW is on? I am usually surfing the net, doing dishes, or cooking dinner and just listening to the show. I haven’t sat and only watched RAW for about 2 months. Nothing used to move me from my seat on Mondays. My fiancée knew that on Monday we probably wouldn’t be doing anything. If we did, we would be back by 9. Period.

 

I still follow what’s going on but I don’t really pay attention like I used to before the mind-blowing crap that spews out of Titan Towers. I sit down when I hear them announce a match that I want to see or something like that. I personally don’t enjoy watching X-Pac (why can’t you fucking take a shower? Pat Riley uses less goddamn WD-40) hop around and hit himself in the arm or watching the Big Show clench his fists behind Ric Flair while apparently trying to give himself an aneurism.

 

I do stop for Eddie Guerrero wrestling, but definitely not talking. If I wanted to listen to him call everybody “Essa” I would have stayed in Las Vegas. Maybe if you put him in a bumblebee costume like on the Simpson’s I would enjoy it.

 

Do I have better things to do with my time? Yes, but I want to watch the WWE because it’s the only game in town. But it’s getting hard to watch a product that makes me feel as fucking embarrassed as I did when I had to explain to said fiancée that the WWF lost out to Saab driving, baby on-board placard carrying, tree-hugging motherfuckers and became the WWE.

 

I find the way I feel is eerily reminiscent to when I stopped watching wrestling during the mid 90’s. The reasons were different. Then, it was because I was fed up with goofy characters. Now it’s because Vince McMahon and Co. are hell bent on reinventing the fucking wheel.

 

You examine what has been working and then improve on the rest. But apparently the collective brain trust that is the WWE creative team wants a black man (since The Rock is gone) in a lumberjack costume, instead of using him to build say…a bigger African American crowd. Have you ever even seen a fucking black lumberjack? I haven’t.

 

Of the remaining African Americans wrestlers in the WWE, who would be best to take up the slack and appeal to the black population? Let’s run them down. You have D’Von Dudley who is a weird rip off of a gospel preacher and Samuel L. Jackson’s character from Pulp Fiction; Jazz, who really doesn’t count because she doesn’t have any crossover appeal that I can see; Faarooq who is basically biggest black truck driver I’ve ever seen… except for Karl Malone; and of course the sucka himself Paul Bunyan. Oops, I mean Booker T.

 

Booker T in my opinion, is the only one that can work a main event style match and with a personality that doesn’t seem forced. The crowd reacts to him as both a heel and a face. Unfortunately for Booker, they will ever allow him to go over cleanly and in a dominating way like HHH. Booker being in the nWo doesn’t help matters either. Remember who the last black guys in the nWo were? You can’t? Let me refresh your memory. Virgil, the guy who ended up being a black West Texas Redneck… wait a second… lumberjack… cowboy… Jesus Christ. Booker is fucked. Remember the feud with the Fruit Booty himself? Hell… do you even remember Stevie Ray? Thought not.

 

Speaking of Booker… ever see a transvestite at a 7-11? No.

 

Wait… yes I have. It was when I stopped off to get some film on my way to RAW. He/She was buying a coke. Of course it was a little harder to spot since it wasn’t wearing gold paint while trying to remain inconspicuous. And the odd thing was that I was on the way to the RAW that Goldust started feuding with RVD. Talk about weird karma.

 

And that brings me to a scary thing… an angle between Booker T and Goldust with Goldust in the jilted lover role. Could you imagine Goldust busting in on Booker and Flair and demanding to know what Booker was doing with that “Blond bitch?”

 

Vince and Co. seem to think that they need a completely different philosophy to boost those ratings… that they need to split the company to provide competition since WCW was gone. WCW was dead a year before Vince bought it. You can build a product into a different image like Vince did with the New Generation which gave rise to Attitude. The key word is RISE. It didn’t just appear, it evolved.

 

Perhaps they should try to build a better mousetrap and build on what they had before. Look at a mouse-trap… works… works well to be honest. But… if you were an inventor (just like Vince is the “inventor” of Sports Entertainment) and noticed that you weren’t catching as many mice with it anymore… what do you do? You would find a way to tweak it to get it back to snapping the heads off mice at the same levels or better than it was before. You don’t throw out what had worked before and was still working, would you?

 

Didn’t think so.

 

But until someone puts a stick in that wheel that Vince and the Creative Team are riding and makes them do a head dive into the ditch I like to call common sense, I don’t think we are going anywhere fast while they keep trying to re-invent the wheel. Unless they pedal faster. Then of course the true meaning of hell on earth will come in time for Christmas.

 

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