Bad Jokes

[Guest Cancer Marney]

Zorin's joke reminded me of this one. Updated to be more plausible.

 

~

 

Saddam Hussein and President Bush meet in Baghdad for talks on inspections. There are two chairs on the stage, seemingly identical in every way, but when the President sits down he notices Hussein's chair has three buttons on the armrest.

They begin talking, but after barely five minutes have passed, Hussein presses a button and a boxing gloves pops out of the President's chair, and bashes him in the face. Hussein sniggers. The President's annoyed, but he carries on with the talks. But after another few minutes Hussein presses a second button and out comes a second boxing glove and whacks him in the face. Hussein's laughing openly by now.

The President's really pissed off but he tries to remain at least outwardly calm. They resume the talks, but a few minutes later, Hussein presses the final button, and a third boxing glove hits the President. Fuming, he stands up and snaps, "'We'll continue this next week in the White House." Hussein, still laughing, is too proud to say no.

A week later the President receives him in the Oval Office. As Hussein sits down, he sees three buttons in the armrest of the President's chair. He doesn't want to look chicken, though, so he sits down and the meeting begins.

A few minutes into it, the President presses the first button. Hussein ducks, but nothing seems to happen.

Hussein looks confused, but the President's looking at him and chuckling as if something's funny. Warily, Hussein sits up again and starts talking. Barely a minute later, the President presses another button. Hussein leaps out of his chair, but again, absolutely nothing happens. The President is laughing so hard he can barely speak. Hussein simply can't understand what the hell is happening, but he hasn't been harmed, so he sits down again. After a few minutes the President presses the final button.

This time, Saddam stays seated, but the President, is rolling on the floor, clutching his ribs and howling with laughter. Hussein, really annoyed by now, stands up and shouts: "I've had enough of this! I'm going back to Baghdad."

The President looks up from the floor, and, through tears of laughter, asks, "Baghdad? What Baghdad?"

 

Another one:

 

A guy walks into a bar one night only to see the President of the United States and the Secretary of State sitting in a corner, talking about obviously important things in hushed undertones. He blinks, rubs his eyes, and then goes up to the bartender, whispering excitedly, "Is that really President Bush? And General Powell?"

"Yeah," says the bartender, grinning widely. "Ain't it great?"

The guy nods eagerly and hurries up to the two, and, after begging their pardon and asking if he might shake their hands, asks, "Mr President, sir, it's a great, great honour to meet you. But I have to ask - what on earth are you doing here?"

The President and the General exchange contemplative looks. After thinking it over for a few seconds, the President turns back to the guy, and slowly drawls, "We're planning to kill 20 million Iraqis and a bicycle repairman."

"A bicycle repairman?" asks the guy, confused. "Why a bicycle repairman?"

"See!" shouts the President, slapping General Powell on the arm. "See? I told you no one would care about 20 million Iraqis!"

 

Last one:

 

It's 2030, in New York City, and a man's taking his 10 year-old son around Manhattan.

They stop in front of the World Trade Center memorial, and the boy asks, "Daddy, what happened here?"

His father thinks for a moment, considering how best to explain it, and then says, "Well, son, once upon a time there were other buildings here. But some Arabs made them fall."

The boy looks puzzled, and asks, "Daddy... what's an Arab?"

[Zorin Industries 0]

I like the first two, but the last ones pretty crappy.

[Guest Cancer Marney]

That one's my favourite.

[Guest Kotzenjunge]

Imagine our surprise.

 

Fo sheez,

Kotzenjunge

[Guest Hogan Made Wrestling]

Why arn't there any indians on Star Trek?

 

Because they don't work in the future either!

[Guest Midnight Express83]

Yes its funny to kill off an entire race of people for the stupidity and ballsy of a few. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

[Guest cdstunner66]

What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not being retarded.

[Guest antoine08]

two cowboys are riding through the desert,one named dallas and the other san francisco.they stumble upon a cow with its head stuck in a fence so dallas jumps down and fu#ks it and tells san francisco it was his turn.so san francisco jumps down and sticks his head in the fence...

[Guest HartFan86]

On a flight across the Atlantic, the pilot come on the PA and says to the passengers, "We have a problem. It seems the plane is overloaded and we need to lighten ourselves. We've already ejected all the luggage, and you'll all be compensated. But it's not enough. We've done some figuring and we need three people to make the ultimate sacrifice. We don't have any parachutes, but whoever goes, your families will be taken care of for life and you'll save all your fellow passengers. Please make the decision quickly." The pilot shuts off the intercom and after a minute, an English gentleman stands up, yells, "God Save the Queen!" runst to the door and jumps. Well, this shocks the other passengers but after a minute a Frenchman stands up, yells "Vive La France!" runs and jumps out the door. A minute goes buy and a big, burly Texan stands up, yells, "Remember The Alamo!" and throws the Mexican sitting next to him out the window.

That was funny.

[Guest HartFan86]

Three guys get shipwrecked and land on an island with a bunch of savages living there.

 

The chief says "You are our prisoners now! You have two choices: you can be killed, or mooshi." The first guy says "I'll take mooshi, whatever that is." The chief says "he wants mooshi!" and thirty islanders jump out of the jungle and rape the poor man until he's bleeding. The second guy goes "Oh I value my life, I might as well get it over with, I'll take the mooshi." Chief says "You heard him! Mooshi!" So the islanders jump out again and the second guy gets fucked up the ass thirty times. The third guy says "No, this is sick, I'm not letting that happen to me. You guys can just go ahead and kill me. I choose death." So the chief says, "Okay! Death by mooshi!"

THAT was funny as well.