NWA: TNA Week 5

[Guest TSMAdmin]

NWA:TNA Week 5>

 

Once again, I’m travelling back and forth into the heart of Harlem to bring you this PPV review, due to the evil Cablevision empire. Sure, they’ll give us GLOW & AWA on PPV, but no NWA...or Yankees! I don’t mind making the trip though, as my good friend, Jose Suazo, always hooks me up with the BOMB ICED TEA~!

 

For the record, I DID tape this one, so I hope its a good one.

 

We start the PPV with Jeff Jarrett highlights from last week, interrupting the World title match between Shamrock and Omori, starting BEEF~! with Malice, brawling with the Tennessee Titans and smacking everything that moves with a steel chair.

 

We then immediately go to an interview apparently done earlier this week by Goldilocks with NWA World champion Ken Shamrock. “BACK OFF BITCH!” He said it, not me. He goes off for a few seconds on how he’s pissed and annoyed that he’s being questioned. “I’ll beat the shit out of everyone here!” was his comment, I believe. Greatest.Interview.Ever.

 

Opening montage goes right into the improved pyro and the announcers: Tenay, Ferrera and West. Why is West still commentating! They start to hype the ladder match between Jarrett and Malice but before they get to, we go LIVE to the back where Hall and Jarrett are brawling. This leads to NWA Vice President Bill Behrens telling Jarrett that he’s just forfeited his match with Malice, yet Hall gets off Scott free despite starting it. Man, that’s just playing favorites. The announcers play if off as if JJ’s lack of respect for authority has finally just caught up to him.

 

So, we start the show off with a bait & switch but since the match was heel vs. heel no one really seems to mind.

 

On their way to the ring are Father Mitchell (Sinister Minister) and the Disciples of the New Church, Tempest, Slash and Malice. Mitchell, with his STRIZZY goatee, takes the stick to inform the live audience that Malice’s match with Jarrett is off. However, Malice is still in the mood to “wash his hands with the crimson life essence of another victim”. That is awesome! An open challenge for the #1 contendership is laid out and the lights go out. When they come back, Sabu is in the ring to accept the challenge and gets a big pop. Yay. I guess this was Russo’s “big surprise”. I really didn’t miss him much as he was a favorite of mine in ECW but has since turned into a spot-blowing, uncaring shell of his former self.

 

Malice vs. Sabu in a Ladder Match for the #1 Contendership to the NWA World Title.

 

Match background: None, it’s Sabu’s first appearance for the promotion and I don’t believe these two have ever worked together. To win the match, you must grab the clipboard that’s hanging from the top.

 

The Match: Sabu starts off quickly with a Tornado DDT as Tenay drops Sabu’s ECW history on us. Malice takes over but Sabu comes back by, what else, throwing a chair to Malice’s face. He may not be the same wrestler he used to be, but he still is good at throwing those things. Malice counters Sabu’s chair-assisted cross body attempt with a Brock Lesnar-like backbreaker. Tempest (Devon Storm) gets a hold of Sabu and chokes him while he’s relaying about FIFTY spots to him before the cameraman realizes what’s going on and switches the view. Malice goes for some high knee to Sabu, who’s on the ropes, but somehow blows the spot and goes crashing to the floor where some “You F’ed Up” chants await. Malice decides to get the ladder, opts not to, and changes his mind two more times before Sabu hits him with a baseball slide into the ladder that everyone including Helen Keller could see coming. Tempest blatantly relays some more spots to Sabu before he gets irish-whipped into the guard rail to cover. Dammit, at least make it discreet, Devon! And he does it....again. Sabu sets up a table at ringside but Malice takes over before Sabu can plan his latest way to go through it. Malice hits a Snake Eyes on the ladder and Sabu’s nose is a bloody mess. Where’ Fonzie with his tape and superglue when you need him? Cool spot as Malice picks up Sabu and the ladder at the same time and slams them both down. Malice hits an over head belly to belly onto the propped up ladder in the corner. Malice goes for the contract, but Sabu dropkicks the ladder down. Tempest gets Sabu’s attention and calls some more spots! Does anyone else see anything wrong with this? Malice takes over again, but places the ladder a little too far to the left...Hmm, I wonder why. Yep, Sabu knocks him over and Malice goes through the ladder, feet first, allowing Sabu to get the win. Beatdown by the Church ensues. Malice chokeslams Sabu from the apron through a table on the floor...Hey, now I see the resemblance to The Wall!

 

My opinion: I can understand NWA bringing in Sabu as he’s a big enough name to feed to Shamrock. Ken’s already faced and defeated Malice twice so it was pretty much a given that his opponent would win. Good thing they held off on the JJ/Shamrock match as they shouldn’t blow their main event load just yet. Unfortantely, Sabu is nothing without chairs & tables so I’m afraid that next week’s match will be just like this one, an unjointed mess. *1/4.

 

Meanwhile, Jarrett is still wrestling with security in the back.

 

AJ Styles comes down to the ring to call out his tag team championship partner (and heated rival) Jerry Lynn, but Lynn interrupts him and comes down to the ring anyway. Lynn then cuts the promo of his career as he compares the differences between their experience, in a condescending fashion. He describes all of the dues that he’s paid and the crowd pops for Lynn. Styles is apologetic and agrees with Lynn...huh? Lynn walks away and AJ attacks him from behind. Well, that was a heelish thing to do for a babyface champion. AJ hits the Styles Clash on his partner and walks out.

 

We get a recap of the Jasmin St. Claire angle from last week. An interview with JSC is inexplicably interrupted by Francine before it even begins. They brawl to the showers, where Francine lays JSC out and turns the shower on. Ok...that was some blatant TNA...not that it’s a bad thing!

 

K-Krush is now with new music, new pyro and the STICK~! Tenay pimps certain wrestling sites for their support of the promotion. Krush cuts a good promo on how big as of a star he is and how foolish WWE “or whatever they called themselves” are for letting him go. Sign in the crowd: We Waste Everyone’s Time. Ouch. He claims they were afraid to promote him for fear that he would be a star and insinuates that it’s because he’s an angry black man. Man, Krush is a natural heel. The fans are actually popping for him and chanting his name. This leads right into:

 

K-Krush vs. Norman Smiley

 

Match Background: None

 

The Match: Norman Smiley reminds me too much of a friend of mine named Naeem. Tenay talks about all of the mainstream publicity NWA:TNA received last week due to the Jarrett’s brawl with the Tennessee Titans. Smiley gets off some of his signature moves, including the Big Wiggle. How that move doesn’t get heel heat amazes me. The rest of the match is pretty much all Krush except for a brief Smiley comeback which includes a BUTT thrust to the face. I just don’t get it. Krush kills that comeback dead with a reverse suplex for the win. Post match, K-Krush takes off his studded belt and whips Norman with it. He then “hangs” Norman and a large white woman the announcers claim is Norman’s wife comes down. That makes SO much sense, really. Krush grabs her in a threatening manner and has to be restrained.

 

My opinion: Now THAT’s how you heel it up. Great promo, followed by a squash, a beatdown and attacking a man’s wife (or a woman, regardless). That should put his over meter from a 64 to a 91. As for the match, it WAS a squash *

 

In the back, Goldilocks goes to interview Puppet, but he’s masturbating in a trash can. Yes, you read that correctly. She moves onto the Dupps, one’s who’s playing spin the bottle with his cousin, the other is playing with a lighter. The one playing with the lighter then compliments Goldilocks vagina. Yep, Russo IS back.

 

Oohh, next match should be good.

 

Sonny Siaki & Jorge Estrada (The Flying Elvises) vs Christopher Daniels and Elix Skipper

 

Match Background: The Elvises beat the top 3 cruisers in a 6-man tag (with fellow Elvis Jimmy Yang who is overseas) in week one. They were shut out of the X-Division match in week two and also the #1 contendership match last week so they ran in and beat down those in the match. Daniels and Elix want revenge. Simple as that.

 

The Match: Daniels and Siaki are on the outside as Prime Time and Estrada are in the ring. Elix takes advantage of an irish whip towards the aisle with a somersault plancha on Siaki. Siaki & Elix back in and Siaki hits a flapjack into a samoan drop! Estrada in with a running Shooting Star press for two! As Estrada works over Skipper with suplexes, Siaki joins the announce team to establish his self-centered persona. He says that “Estrada thinks he’s Elvis for real”. He’s back in and gets a Mexican backbreaker for two. Tag back out to Estrada who hits a split legged quebrada halfway across the ring for two! Siaki back with the announce team, claiming that he’s carrying the team as Elix comes back with some flashy offense. Daniels comes in and he’s a house of FIRE~! Elix back in and he jumps over Estrada to ‘rana Siaki as Daniels hits a Blue Thunder bomb on Estrada for two! Elix gets a belly to belly and a rolling double underhook suplex with floatover pin for two! WOW! Estrada comes back, but botches a springboard senton. Daniels in, gets an STO and his double jump moonsault for a near fall. Elix in, but EATS~! a pumphandle exploder suplex! Elix has NO protection on that move...Brawl ensues and Elix gets the Play of the Day on Estrada. Siaki gets Elix with the Money Clip (rolling snap neckbreaker out of a suplex position) for the pin. Postmatch, The Dupps, who lost to the Elvises’ last week jump Estrada as Siaki just walks away. Bo & Stan Dupp both hit Estrada with some planks and Fluff Dupp does the same with a shot so weak, it exposed the pre-cutness of said planks.

 

My opinion: Great match, but a bit spotty. Although they blew a few spots, it was still quite entertaining. The main storyline here is Siaki’s character breaking out of the Elvis group and he most likely will turn on Estrada. The match ***1/4.

 

Meanwhile, Teo dances with a TNA girl and K-Krush gets punked out by Hall in the back, revenge for last week’s 3 on 1 beating.

 

Meatball vs. Puppet

 

Match Background: None

 

The Match: Meatball looks like a mini-John Tenta. Puppet attacks Tentacito with a trashcan and hits the Stroke on it as well. Van Daminator with the trash can and its a horrible one as Meatball just waits forever for the kick to come. They end up brawling down the aisle with groceries and Puppet hits another poor Van Daminator. Tornado DDT off the ring steps by Puppet. Vader Bomb by Puppet to finish the match.

 

My opinion: At least it was short....DUD.

 

Back with Teo, he’s dancing with that TNA chick still.....and runs away with her top! Yeah!

 

Jasmin St. Clair vs. Francine

 

Match Background: The previous brawl.

 

The Match: JSC limps out (at least she’s selling) and calls out Francine. She obliges and a catfight begins immediately. JSC’s nipples are still hard, wet and her shirt is see through. Thank you, NWA. JSC takes Francine’s top off (and almost her bra, she was pulling so hard) and Francine takes JSC’s bottom’s off to reveal a thong. The Blue Meanie(!) then comes to the ring and DDT’s Francine. I guess she wins by a DQ. They do a whole stretcher angle for this. West: “You can’t do this in a ring!”. Ferrera checks on Francine without groping her for once as they’re trying to sell this as a real injury, but Francine is doing some piss poor twitching. The fans actually boo as she’s rolled out. I guess it’s obvious to everyone how lame this angle is.

 

My opinion: Worst stretcher angle since Chyna at Royal Rumble 2001. DUD.

 

Now, the match I’ve been waiting for.

 

AJ Styles vs. Low-Ki for the X Division Title.

 

The announcers go over the finishers of both wrestlers, complete with video footage, in a nice touch.

 

Match Background: Low-Ki won the right to face Styles the week prior in a 6 man elimination match. These men have wrestled once before, at the third Ring of Honor show, which I will be reviewing pretty soon.

 

The Match: Short feeling out process before they just start going stiff on each other. Something is going on as the crowd is distracted by something. Oh well, screw them. Low-Ki goes for the cartwheel kick, but AJ dropkicks him in the midsection midway through! AJ gets a standing swanton bomb of sorts. Low-Ki comes back with a Tidal Crush and a Yakuza kick. Tenay brings up the fact that the winner of this match will defend their title at the next Ring of Honor show, July 27th. With ‘Ki being the promotion’s number one guy, its possible he’s going over tonight...especially if Lynn shows up. AJ goes for an Asia moonsault but eats floor. Low-Ki tosses him in, but AJ goes for a suicide dive. Its met with a HARD kick to the back of the NECK! Another stiff kick on the apron as ‘Ki is targeting the neck. He goes for the Dragon Clutch while Styles is on the apron, ala Tajiri’s Tarantula. STIFF Kick to Styles’ back. AJ recovers with his quebrada into a reverse DDT combo, but its a little sloppy. High angle brainbuster by Styles for two! (Brainbuster DDT for you THQ fans) ‘Ki tries to come back with a supexplex attempt but gets shoved off. AJ goes for the Spiral Tap, but Low-Ki moves out of the way and cover for a near fall. ‘Ki Krusher ’99 attempt, but he takes too long and AJ snap DDT’s him. ‘Ki gets the cartwheel kick to come back though. He goes up top for the Phoenix Splash, but AJ catches him and turns it into the Styles Clash for the win! Post match, Jerry Lynn beats the living hell out of AJ Styles, giving him piledrivers and using a ladder. Release northern light suplex into the ladder....ouch. Cradle piledriver. This continues for a while, until Lynn decides he’s done enough....

 

My opinion: I’m a bit disappointed that this match didn’t get enough time and why it wasn’t the main event tonight baffles me. The match lacked a bit of psychology on Styles’ part as he didn’t sell the neck and was a bit sloppy. ***3/4. The postmatch angle was gold and it should be the top feud of the promotion. Usually “Feuding Partners” never works, but these guys are pulling it off beautifully. When Lynn and Styles hook up for the X title, it will be MONEY.

 

Tenay states that he just received word that the Shamrock/Sabu title match next week will be a Ladder vs. Submission match, so Sabu won’t be exposed too much.

 

Main Event: Brian Lawler vs. Scott Hall

 

Match Background: Lawler turned on Hall last week and cut a promo, dissin’ his pops.

 

The Match: Lawler comes out in his Too Cool gear and music and I just cant’ take him seriously as a heel like that. He cuts a promo on his father again, stating three things. 1. Jerry’s been married three times, each time, his bride was younger than his son. 2. Brian claims this a “shoot”. HA! He offered Jerry a ticket to the show to see his son wrestle. Gee, think WWE would let him be on camera? Factoid number three involves King, JR & Vince McMahon, but he’s able to spill the beans, Scott Hall’s music starts to play. Hall comes through the crowd and is standing behind Lawler for over a FULL minute waiting for him to turn around. I know that you’re trying to build suspense, but there IS something called overkill. By the way, Hall looks absolutely moronic shaking back and forth for a minute as he waits for Lawler to turn around.

 

Lawler finally turns around and Hall hits him with a flurry of punches before Lawler audibly drops the “F” bomb on camera and bails. Nothing but brawling around ringside until Lawler steals a girls purse and beats Hall with it. HA! Lawler takes over on offense for a while until Hall makes his comeback with the “contractually obligated fallaway slam”. He signals for The Edge, but before he can hit it, K-Krush runs in. Hall takes care of him in short order and hits The Edge on Lawler for the pin. K-Krush is now back up and he gets set up for The Edge. Lawler hits Hall with a low blow, but in actually (and accidentally), just hits Krush in the FACE. Hahahahahahaha. Another low blow on Hall and a beatdown ensues. We get the second stretcher job for tonight, but as Hall is being wheeled out, Jeff Jarrett comes back and his him with a chair. He once again takes out every member of security and as the show comes to an end, he’s about to hit the cameraman. Although he was “kicked out” of the building, it was explained that he snuck back in dressed as a paramedic, despite not wearing a hat or anything.

 

My opinion: Too much stalling, boring brawling and Hall is past his prime. Why would you build someone up and kill their heat the next week? The match: * The post match angle furthered Jarrett’s psychotic chair-swinging persona but the whole “dressed up as a paramedic” scenario just insults my intelligence.

 

Overall: Some WrestleCrap, some good matches and some decent feuds.....A decent entry, although not as good as week four.

 

Til next week...

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez

 

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