The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 8

[Guest TSMAdmin]

NWA:TNA Week 8

 

Ahh, another week has gone by and I’m PSYCHED for TNA this week. For those of you who need a reminder of what happened last week, here you go.

 

Once again, I’m coming to you from Big Suazo’s house, the man that provides me with my TNA fix weekly. I’m even more hyped after beating him in Marvel vs. Capcom 2, but that’s probably only because he’s rusty. I’ve got some high expectations for tonight’s show, so allow me to break open the first of FOUR CHERRY ITALIAN ICES~! and let’s Recap!

 

Show starts off with The Dupps, Goldilocks and Apolo all waiting backstage, presumably for Ricky Steamboat. Apolo is the only one who seems like he has any important matters on his mind as he’s pacing back and forth.

 

We go immediately to our first match of the night:

 

The Spanish Announce Team aka SAT (Joel & Jose Maximo and The Amazing Red) vs. The Flying Elvises (Jimmy Yang, Jorge Estrada and Sonny Siaki)

 

Match Background: Although Red competed in Week 6 against Low-Ki, this is the first appearance of the Maximos on PPV. I’ve seen them numerous times in the northeast and when they are on, they can be quite impressive. Speaking of impressive Jimmy Yang is also back from his tour of Japan, teaming with Estrada and Siaki for the first time since Week 1, where they defeated the participants of the X division title match tonight, AJ Styles, Jerry Lynn and Low-Ki. Factor in Siaki’s cockiness in recent weeks and this one should be good!

 

The Match: The Elvises run into the ring and immediately brawl with the SAT’s until Red and Siaki are alone in the ring. Red hits a spinning enziguiri kick on Siaki as Tenay informs us of the SAT’s gimmick so to speak. They are defenders of the Spanish Announce Table, pissed off that it’s always broken during WWE PPV events. Very funny, interesting gimmick on paper, but seeing as how they aren’t in WWE, it doesn’t really enhance or take away from anything. Siaki hits the 140-pound Red with his press slam into Samoan Drop that the Island Boyz are using now and Red gets the hint and leaves the ring quickly. 3 on 1 attack by the Elvises, culminating in an Arabian Press by Estrada on Joel (pronounced Joe-EL) Maximo. Triple powerbomb on Jose. After disposing of Red again, Siaki tells his partners to let him take care of the rest of the match. With Joel back in now, Siaki unveils some more of the arsenal with an impressive somersaulting swinging neckbreaker! Siaki still refuses to tag his partners in and they just aren’t going to TAKE IT ANYMORE! They go to the commentary booth and decide to bless with song instead. SAT’s are in firm control now, with a Maximo catapulting Siaki into an SAT boot to the face, yet keeping him in an elevated position for a double stomp and a legdrop. Red hits the Red Star Press (standing Shooting Star Press...you try it!) for 2. SAT Stretch on Siaki (Surfboard with Dragon Sleeper applied and a double stomp to the exposed abs to boot). Ouch baby, ouch. Siaki FINALLY comes back with his pumphandle exploder suplex and he just flung Red across the ring with it! With enough distance between him and the SAT’s, Yang gets on the apron to see if he’ll tag him in, but of course, he won’t so Yang goes back to his true love, commentating. Red takes control again and channels the spirit of Liu Kang by bicycle kicking Siaki in the back a few times. Oh, just FINISH HIM~! Looks like the SAT have the same mindset I do as Siaki is nailed by Red before he can come off the top turnbuckle. The Maximo’s climb in and hit one of the most impressive, innovative double tam finishers ever, the Spanish Fly! They stand on the top turnbuckle facing their opponent, both holding him in a Rock Bottom position and MOONSAULT simultaneously while still holding onto said opponent! If that doesn’t impress you, something is truly wrong with you and you need to get it all fixed. Red follows the Spanish Fly with the InfraRed on Siaki, a spinning corkscrew legdrop off the top! It NEVER ceases to amaze me. Red with the sure cover, but here come the other Elvii, breaking the count. The regain control, ending with a running dive to the Maximo’s on the outside. Red is still in the ring however and hits Code Red on Estrada, a move that needs to be seen to be believed. Its a powerbomb out of a sunset flip, trust me on that. Yang breaks it up, Red tries it on Yang but sits down ala EZ Money for a 2 count! Maximo’s blow a spot, but cover for it nicely with a piledriver. Spanish Fly attempt on Estrada reversed into double DDT’s off the top rope!!! I’ve seen many SAT matches, but I’ve NEVER seen the Spanish Fly countered! Spinning heel kick by Yang MURDERS Red and then he and Estrada hit a top rope legdrop/splash combo ala The Hardy Boyz or RVD & Sabu. Instead of going for the cover, Yang and Estrada feel its time to POSE~!, so Siaki sneaks in and steals the pin from his hardworking team mates! Wow. Siaki leaves without his fellow flock of Elvii, postmatch.

 

My opinion: As a fan of the SAT, I’m very pleased to see them get an opportunity to shine on a grand scale. The loss took away nothing from them as the focus was on Siaki’s gloryhogging. The match had some cool psychology as the SAT’s would hit a trademark move and have it reversed on the second attempt each time. A little sloppiness by the Maximos, a blown spot, coupled with the middle of the match which was mostly an SAT squash makes this one a

***3/4

 

Earlier tonight, Mike Tenay sat down with Apolo, the Puerto Rican sensation. He’s pissed that the title shot that he was next in line for was given to Ron “The Truth” Killings. You know, for a guy with a very heavy accent and who speaks in broken english, he actually cuts a decent promo. Better than a Hardy or Lita. He accuses Steamboat of being corrupt and wants to talk to him face to face tonight! Oh, I love me some shades of grey!

 

In the back, AJ Styles walks out of Steamboats office, followed by The Dragon himself, but he’s confronted immediately by Apolo. He wants to talk NOW, DAMMIT~! But alas, Steamboat is a busy guy and he’ll talk when he’s ready...biatch. He’s followed out by The Dupps who also want them some Dragon convo. “Holy Shit” exclaims Goldilocks as Jerry Lynn runs in to show AJ how to mop the floor with your own face, but it seems AJ is a slow learner. He gives Lynn some whuppin as well before security breaks them up. Very short, effective segment. LEARN WWE.

 

Steamboat walks to the ring, grinning like he just won a lifetime supply of Kool-Aid, until The Dupps catch up to him on the ramp. Dragon gives them a free pass to do whatever it is they’d like to as long as they left him alone. Ricky, do you realize what you’ve just done!!! Think about the viewers! Think about the CHILDREN!!! Steamboat sits at the announce table for our next match.

 

Ken Shamrock vs. Ron “The Truth” Killings for the NWA World Heavyweight title.

 

Why is this the second match on the card?

 

Match Background: Steamboat awarded Truth this title shot after Truth was able to relate to Steamboat on how they were both held down. There’s no way I could do this any justice, so for a more detailed article describing the situation and the rise of NWA:TNA’s breakout star, read THIS!

 

The Match: Tale of the tape segment is shown for this match in a nice touch. Jesus, Shamrock is RIPPED. Bell rings and Shamrock goes after Killings’ leg with a fury. Truth gets to the ropes and fights back, only to get knocked down by a kick. Triangle lock by Shammy. Truth chant!! Shamrock goes for a clothesline, but Truth splits down to duck it and hits a leg lariat in return. The fans are popping for The Truth! Shamrock with a sunset flip turned into a leg lace, but Killings’ reaches the Ropes of Salvation! Truth with a lariat and ANOTHER Truth chant breaks out.....in Nashville. Goes for the 10-punches in the corner, but Shamrock sit out powerbombs him for 2. Truth back up now, and he...BUMPS OFF A PUNCH~! AGAIN! Another Truth chant breaks out! Shamrock goes for a ‘rana and something went wrong because it resulted in the Slowest....’Rana....Ever. Shamrock with the anklelock now! Are the fans into this? They just popped for Truth reaching the ropes! When was the last time that happened? Now, near the entranceway, the Disciples of the New Church (minus Tempest) are looking on. Don Harris looks on from the ramp and Monty Brown looks on from the other entranceway. Shamrock with a cross armbreaker on Ron but Killings won’t tap! On the outside now, Apolo comes down and goes after The Truth, which the Church go after Shammy. Don Harris and Monty Brown come down to even the sides, but Apolo manages to get off one superkick which Truth ducks. It “hits” Shamrock (it missed by a MILE and it was obvious even with the right angle) and Shamrock is dazed. Steamboat tries to restore order to the match and puts the groggy champion back in the ring as he chases everyone out. The Truth is awaiting Shamrock to get up....Diamond Cutter by The Truth....1.....2.....3!!!!!! The Truth is the NEW NWA World Heavyweight Champion! Tenay dubs the move “Truth or Consequences” as Killings is just in pure disbelief that he won the match and the title. It takes him a moment to realize it....but then he finally shouts out “I’m the man!” Yes, you are. He’s still in pure shock though! The crowd is popping for it. Tenay points out the fact that Killings is in fact the first black man to hold the NWA World Championship.

 

My opinion: Incredible. Absolutely incredible how in 7 short weeks, the man formerly known as K-Kwik silenced his critics, took the ball, ran with it and was crowned the NWA World Champion. Truly a great moment. As for Shamrock, I see an Apolo feud in his future. The match was too short and was marred by interference, but I’ll give it

** ¼

 

Steamboat comes back into the ring and calls out Apolo. He tells Apolo that he deserves the next shot at the Truth, which brings out Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett claims that he is the victim of reverse discrimination because he’s white. Dragon: “The Bullshit stops here tonight!” Whoa. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard Steamboat curse! he makes a match between Apolo and Jarrett for tonight. If Apolo wins, he gets the title shot against the Truth. If JJ wins then he gets the Truth. Steamboat declares himself the ref for the match tonight as well to insure that there is a winner.

 

Next segment is Jive Talkin with Disco Inferno. The Dupps come out and state that since Steamboat said they could do whatever they want, they’re making a Hardcore division in NWA. The “title” is the Dupp Cupp, a golden spittoon. They have 10 ridiculous rules for winning an Hardcore match. It’s based on the point system. You need a total on 10 points to win.

 

1. If you put your opponent through a table, you get 2 ½ pts. A flaming table gets you 5.

2. If you put your opponents head in a toilet bowl, you get 2 ½ pts. “If there’s shit in it, you get 3 ½ pts.” It only gets worse from there too.

3. Goose a woman – 2 ½ pts. Goose a man, you get 3 ½ pts. How in the world is that Hardcore?

4. If you nail Jeremy Borash, you get 2 ½ points. Ok, thats pretty funny. If you nail Sara, the elderly ticket booth lady, you also get 2 ½ pts. Sounds fair enough.

5. If you use a farm animal, you get 2 ½ pts. Oh boy.

6. If you spank your opponent, bare assed with “Horsey-Poo” (Stan Dupp’s horse on a stick), you get 2 ½ pts. If your opponent enjoys it, you LOSE 2 ½ points. I swear to you, if that ever happens, it would be the biggest mockery to Hardcore wrestling.

7. If you introduce your opponent to Jar, you get 2 ½ pts.

8. “If you cry like a big pussy in the ring”, you LOSE 5 points.

9. If you put your opponents head in the cotton candy machine, you get 10 points and the match is over.

10. If you use an item given to you by a fan on your opponent, you get 1 point. Fair enough.

 

This REEKS OF RUSSO. Unfortunately, its not over. Stan Dupp then proclaims his love for Goldilocks and challenges Disco to a HC match due to his disrespectful actions last week. Paulina comes out to protect Disco and Stan Dupp backs off. This is STILL NOT OVER. They offer up a night with Fluff Dupp for anyone who wants to challenge them for the title. Ed Ferrera volunteers immediately and nails Jeremy Borash. He gooses Don West and then has West do play by play as they follow Ed around the arena. This “match” goes on for WAY too long, and naturally culminates with Ferrera nailing Bo Dupp on his bare ass with Horsey-Poo, but Bo likes it. Jesus, this is HORRIBLE. I can’t do this anymore. Eventually, the Dupps win. This was quite possibly the worst wrestling segment I’ve ever seen. It dragged on and bored me more than the HHH/HBK segment from Monday’s Raw! Since this wasn’t a real match, I won’t rate it, but the overall segment gets

-*****

 

Earlier today, Mike Tenay interviewed Monty Brown, who discusses his former football success. Monty tells Tenay that he knows the streets, when Elix Skipper attacks him from behind and paints a yellow streak down his back. He cuts a pretty good promo for a guy who’s never really gotten the chance to, telling Monty Brown that he’s not from the street and he doesn’t understand what its like growing up there. This can’t even make me forget about how bad the last segment was.

 

Please let there be something good next!

 

Malice vs. Don Harris in a First Blood Match.

 

God hates me.

 

Match Background: Don Harris stopped Malice last week from finishing their “blood” ritual on Sonny Siaki last week. He was eventually jumped by Malice and Slash, who performed the ritual on HIM. Harris then set the challenge for tonight.

 

The Match: And.....they're brawling. More brawling. Brawling through the crowd. If there’s one thing that puts me to sleep, its bad brawling. Great visual coming up as a security guard walks right in front of the camera, more interested in his pretzel than the fact that two grown men are trying to make each other bleed behind him. Back at ringside now, Slash holds Harris in position for Father James Mitchell to perform the blood ritual on Harris again, but Harris fights Slash off and kicks the box full of “blood” back at FJM. In the ring, Harris sideslams Malice...and blades off of his own move. I guess that would be the equivalent of superkicking someone, taking an unprovoked bump and allowing yourself to get pinned. Well, the match is over, thank God.

 

My Opinion: This is rapidly becoming the worst half hour of television I’ve ever seen, and I watched that Real World Vancouver crap! Don Harris has never done anything of worth in a wrestling ring and I don’t think he ever will, but he has the distinction of being the first man I know of to bleed off of a side slam. One that HE performed on Malice, mind you.

DUD.

 

In the back, Russo confronts Taylor Vaughn about last weeks -** Miss TNA match. She attacks him, calling him a homo and challenging him for tonight. When they do things like this, it makes me seriously doubt if NWA will ever get a national TV slot. GLAAD would jump ALL OVER THEM for this. Hell, I’m not even gay and that offends me! Bruce then makes a deal with God to punish me again by making this an evening gown match. Thankfully, to somewhat save this segment, AJ Styles and Low-Ki begin brawling all over the ladies bathroom before security breaks it up.

 

I’m dying for something to save this show from its nose dive into WrestleCrap.

 

Apolo vs. Jeff Jarrett with Ricky Steamboat as the Special Guest Referee.

 

Ah, this could do it.

 

Match Background: Covered earlier, remember? Pay attention!

 

The Match: Jarrett gets a face pop here tonight. Probably because the audience is mostly white and they want to believe in reverse racism. That’s a whole other issue though. After some lock-ups, JJ goes for closed fists and The Dragon stops him to a chorus of boos. Dragon does the same to Apolo, but JJ attacks from behind. Apolo back with some power moves, but arguing with Steamboat only leads to Jarrett taking over once again. Apolo comes back with a Rydien Bomb for 2. Sunset flip in the corner for 2. A “Double J” chant by the crowd!? JJ opens Apolo up on the outside and goes after the injury like he learned something from the Horsemen. By the way, Steamboat reacts to almost every move done and he really helps sell the match too. Irish whip sequence ends with Jarrett clipping Apolo in mid air. Apolo’s knee is hurt and JJ is getting some massive cheers here! He puts on the figure four (the CORRECT WAY, on the straight leg) and the crowd is chanting “Make Him Tap”! Apolo fading away, Steamboat picks up the arm and drops it three times straight...but Apolo realizes his mistake and starts to reverse the hold immediately. Tsk, tsk, tsk. That really isn’t going to pop the crowd tonight, Apolo. Apolo with his second wind now, over powering Jarrett a few times and going for a Stunner (??) but gets shoved off. He comes back with his Superkick for the 1....2......foot on the ropes! Had Steamboat conveniently not “seen” JJ’s foot on the ropes, they could have kept the whole reverse racism angle going so the nearfall had ME fooled. Apolo with a German Suplex with bridge in the middle of the ring now.....1.....2....Jeff Jarrett’s shoulder is CLEARLY UP....3!!! Is this it? Is Steamboat a heel now?! Is he RACIST? The crowd is booing heavily! The winner is declared....it’s Jarrett! Dragon was also counting Apolo’s shoulders down at the same time! Postmatch, Dragon is confronted by Apolo who ends up being taken away by security.

 

Dragon then says to Jarrett that he does get the Truth next week, but as his tag partner against Lynn and Styles for the Tag Titles. The crowd is NOT happy, chanting “Bullshit” and “Steamboat sucks” and I can’t believe it!

 

My opinion: This match was booked in a very smart manner. All of Steamboat’s subtlety’s were leaning towards purposefully screwing Jarrett over, especially the finish. The match was quite solid as Apolo is coming along with his character and Steamboat is leaning towards Heeldom for the first time in his career!

** ½

 

Taylor Vaughn vs. Bruce in an Evening Gown Match for the Miss TNA Crown.

 

Match Background: Bruce defeated Taylor last week, she wants it back.

 

The Match: Bruce is wearing a red gown, Taylor a black one. Taylor with a botched atomic drop to Bruce’s right ass cheek. Back rake and a slap by Bruce. Stalling vertical suplex by Bruce, followed by a tilt-a whirl face first powerbomb. He strips her of her gown, trying not to touch her body as he does it, for the win. Post match, he strips to reveal nothing but a thong. Ugh.

 

My opinion: The less said, the better. I hate Vince Russo.

-****

 

Don West then pimps next week’s PPV and some merchandise. Funny, a shirt and a hat cost as much as TWO NWA PPV’s!

 

Finally, the match that I’ve been looking forward to for about a week now. This NEEDS to save this show!!!

 

Low-Ki vs. AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn for the X Division Title.

 

Match Background: Last week, ‘Ki was about to defeat Lynn when AJ interfered and caused Low-Ki to get DQ’ed. ‘Ki didn’t appreciate it and kicked his left cheek into the 5th row. The match was signed and now its TIME TO DELIVER!!

 

The Match: Just a point I’d like to make. Just because NWA:TNA spell Low-Ki’s name incorrectly doesn’t mean that I have to. The bell rings and both Ki and Lynn go after AJ. After disposing of him, they go after each other. Lynn gets a Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Ki for a ONE count. A Lynn irish whip is countered into a dropkick to the knee. 3-KICK COMBO~! by ‘Ki, but the last kick is blocked allowing AJ to land an enziguiri on ‘Ki. Powerslam on Lynn by AJ. Waistlock applied and reversed, but the German suplex is blocked by AJ. ‘Ki charges but gets back body dropped by both men while still in a waistlock position! Lynn gets a Gory Special on AJ, but eats a Low-Ki dropkick before he can drop AJ down. Low-Ki with AJ now....MUTA ELBOWDROP~! Low-Ki chant. AJ headscissors ‘Ki, then picks him up in a Torture Rack and flips him over into a face buster! Lynn with a waist lock from behind, but AJ pulls the ref out of the way and low blows Lynn to establish the heel in this contest. AJ with a ‘rana attempt, but Lynn turns it into a face first powerbomb for an interrupted two count! Lynn and ‘Ki then duke it out and in a GREAT spot, ‘Ki fakes his last punch, Lynn ducks and gets BLASTED in the chest with a kick! Low-Ki chant again. ‘Ki now thrown to the outside thanks to Mr. JL. Lynn with a waistlock on AJ, but Styles is holding onto the ropes to block. Low-Ki dives OVER Styles, sunset flipping Lynn, giving him the momentum to German Suplex AJ at the same time! Both Lynn and AJ are in pinning predicaments for two counts. AJ tries his belly to back into face plant maneuver, but Low-Ki reverses that into a rollup, which he then floats into the Dragon clutch! Lynn goes to kick him off, but the kick is blocked and ‘Ki puts the Dragon clutch on him! Lynn reverses THAT into a DDT! Lynn perches AJ on the top turnbuckle and DDT’s him down! Low-Ki then takes Lynn out and dishes out some punishment to Styles. Lynn breaks up a cover attempt and goes toe to toe with his tag partner. AJ with some kicks to the ribs, but the last one is caught and AJ if flipped backwards, catching Low-Ki in a reverse DDT on the way down! Wow! AJ with a Superplex attempt on ‘Ki, but Lynn sunset flips AJ, who in turn superplexes Low-Ki! AWESOME series of pinfall attempts as each wrestler is put into their own pinning predicament by the 2 count. The last one ends with Low-Ki in a Styles Clash position, but Lynn breaks it up before the move can be done. Lynn and ‘Ki place AJ on the top turnbuckle, but ‘Ki then takes care of Lynn. ‘Ki with the top rope hanging Dragon Clutch on AJ!! Broken up by Lynn. Lynn with a Tornado DDT attempt reversed into the Bite of the Dragon (Dragon Clutch on the ropes, Tarantula Style)! AJ quebradas ‘Ki off! WOW! AJ with his vertical suplex into hangmans neckbreaker on Lynn! Ki’ comes back with a ‘Ki Krusher ’99 attempt, but Styles blocks it. Low-Ki gets the STYLES CLASH ON AJ instead for 2! Lynn gives Low-Ki the Ki’ Krusher for 2! AJ with a Cradle PileDriver on Jerry Lynn for 2! And the THQ No Mercy Special reverse segment is over. Ki’s cartwheel kick attempt ends up in a ref bump! No! AJ with a chair now....chair shot on Jerry Lynn! AJ heads to the top as ‘Ki goes for the pin. Ref counting....1......2.....AJ with the SPIRAL TAP onto ‘Ki! ....’Ki is STILL ON TOP OF LYNN! The ref counts to 3!!!!! Low-Ki is the NEW X DIVISION CHAMPION!

 

My opinion: WOW! This match MADE this show. Nearly flawless! You MUST SEE THIS MATCH. The only match that rivals this one for MOTY so far is the 3-way from the first Ring of Honor show! This match was worth TWENTY of my dollars! Took away ¼ not for the ref bump, because it made sense, but for the way some of the spots looked contrived.

****3/4

 

What, the shows not over? End it now! JJ and Killings are arguing in the back as Lynn and Styles are still battling each other in the ring! JJ and Killings spill to the ring....Show is OVER!

 

Overall Opinion: That one match needed to save this show and it did. If not, despite Killings winning the title, all I would have remembered this show for would be the Dupp Cupp fiasco and the Miss TNA crap. This show had the best half hour of wrestling this year in the main event and the worst half hour of wrestling, ever. The main is great, so is the opener and the World title match. Get this tape. Fast forward through all of the Russo shit.

 

‘Til next week,

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez

 

If you have any questions or comments on tonight show, I JUST might put them in my column next week, so e-mail me at [email protected]