The Dames' Super Deluxe NWA:TNA Review of Week 9 A

[Guest TSMAdmin]

NWA:TNA SUPER DELUXE EDITION REVIEW!!!

 

Let me ask you something....what would you do if most of the time you spent at home is on the ‘net and then one day, a storm comes along and takes it away from you? Man, I realized how little of a life I have right now. I was without a working phone line for a few days, so I went to visit my boy EQ, who I hope is having tons of fun at the Jersey Shore as I type this up. So, sorry for the delay, but because you guys didn’t get a review for Week 9....you’re getting a double dose of Dames! Week 9 AND 10....here and now.

 

Before we start this long overdue review, I need to once again give a large shout out to Jose Suazo, my NWA:TNA cohort who is going back upstate to college (Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, aka RPI and my old school) for one last semester. Due to his departure, this may be the last NWA review that I may be able to provide you guys til Cablevision gets with the program on October 2nd....if NWA survives that long.

 

So, I’ve got 14 CHERRY ITALIAN ICES~! and I’m ready to recap! That’s right...I said 14! Why so many? They are THAT damn hard to find. My and EQ went driving around the Bronx for about an hour and couldn’t find anything but Lemon and Watermelon. SCREW THAT. Big thanks to Suazo’s freezer.

 

Let’s get started shall we?

 

NWA:TNA WEEK 9

 

Cable companies really do hate me. Now Suazo’s Time Warner connection has gone on the fritz. Eventually, we join the opening Truth promo, in progress. Truth declares himself a legend for being the first black man to wear the NWA title, but there’s still prejudice in the world. He begins practically preaching and motivationally speaking to the crowd. “That’s the Truth” chant. Jeff Jarrett interrupts, claiming reverse discrimination. Man, these guys are going all out on the foul language. JJ’s been robbed time and time again and he’s asking Truth for a shot, despite the fact that they need to team tonight for the tag title shot. Truth accepts the challenge but before they can lock up....Bill Behrens (NWA VP) is out with security. He’s acting like a big shot for some reason...and not doing a good job of it either. Oh man...this promo is just brutal. I don’t get this booking....they are making this guy look like he’s not authoritative at all. He basically states that JJ and Truth can get it on, but not for the title. Behrens is so pathetic on the mic that when Jarrett prophesizes an ass whipping comin’ on, the crowd pops for the heel!

 

JJ walks up the ramp but is ambushed by Brian Lawler for some reason. Tenay and the other idiots at ringside are having a collective heart attack over this. This is the most intense I’ve ever seen Brian Lawler EVER. No, I haven’t seen any USWA. He goes to take a fan’s chair....but in a hilarious moment, the fan WON’T let go! She’s fighting him back! Oh man, take the camera off, that’s just embarrassing. SECURITY has to pull Lawler away from that fan...aaaahahahahaha. Pull apart brawl between JJ and Lawler and afterwards, Lawler says “I know it was you!” What the hell is he talking about?

 

The announcers run down the card as Don West has 5 heart attacks in a row.

 

Onto our first match!

 

Kid Kash, Shark Boy and Slim J vs. The SAT.

 

Kid Kash is best known for his work in ECW, Shark Boy was in the 6-man cruiserweight match from the WWA Revolution PPV , and Slim J is a guy who I’ve never seen before, but based on his name, look and mannerisms, he’s the wrestling equivalent of Eminem.

 

Match Background: None...these guys were just thrown together. Don’t you just love that? The SAT’s debuted last week on the program and Kash, Shark and Slim J are debuting this week.

 

The Match: Jose and Kash in the ring, armbarring and armdragging each other to death. Indy “applause” pose, to no response and they exchange slaps. (If you’ve ever seen an RVD-Jerry Lynn match, I’m talking about the spot where they do some fast ass wrestling, stop, both get into a fighting stance and the fans pop. Well, that’s now on EVERY U.S. independent wrestling card today.) In comes Joel (Joe-L) Maximo who proceeds to blow a monkey flip spot. His sloppiness is just one of the reasons that I don’t like Joel. Joel charges Kash and gets backdropped onto the apron...botches that, of course and falls to the ground. Back up on the apron, Kash springboard dropkicks him back down. That looked too choreographed man. Kash with a slingshot ‘rana to the outside! Back in the ring, Shark boy and Jose are pretty much running the ropes and Jose does a Suicide Dive to Kash on the outside! Shark Boy over the top now, only grazing Jose....but they’ll sell it anyway. Slim J and Red now.....here’s my first look at Slim J. These two are definitely the quickest guys in this match. Slim J with a nice head scissors on Red. Slim J to the top now....BEAUTIFUL moonsault onto the pile of opponents and teammates on the outside. He barely fell back far enough...a few more inches forward and his face would have hit the ring apron. Red now jumps into the pile. I’ve never liked this spot. Kash off the top rope....SOARING in the air and somersaults onto the 5 of them. Joel back in and Kash lands on him with a slingshot legdrop. Slim J in now, who gropes his genitalia first before missing a standing twisting splash on the fat Maximo brother. I wonder if that’ll be a taunt in the next THQ game. Joel with a torture rack on Slim J as the other SAT’s double stomp his stomach off the top. Red tried to flow from a double stomp to J into a ‘rana on Kash who was also in the ring, but that was blown too. When the SAT’s are on, they are ON. When they aren’t....this is what we get. Joel then place Slim J in a half surfboard, while Shark Boy is in an elevated crab (Walls of Jericho) on top of Slim J. Impressive looking, yes, but too contrived for my tastes. Jose then puts the rest of Slim J in a camel clutch for an even more impressive visual. Before you can say “springboard dropkick to the face”, Red does exactly that to Slim J’s exposed grill. Slim J....is DEAD. Two count...Bullshit. Slim J and Red in the ring alone again and Slim J comes off the top with a spinning kick to Red’s dome. Kash puts Red in a Styles-Clash-like stretch before just throwing him down in what looked to be a sloppy powerbomb. Red on the top rope now...Kash jumps up and hits a SUPER POWERSLAM off the top for a broken up two count! STIFF kick by Slim J onto Red and then proceeds to go to the top.....does his now infamous taunt (which will haunt me for life), MISSES a Phoenix Splash (Moonsault into a 450 Splash) and lands with a “sickening thud” on the mat. All 6 men in the ring now...Irish whip sequence is botched. Man, did these guys get like 2 hours of sleep or something? Kash climbs the ropes and hits a Maximo with a beautiful ‘rana. Kash with a DDT....but it looked more like a Tornado neckbreaker. Red off the top with a swinging Downward Spiral (or Novacaine, if you will). Shark Boy with the Explosion out of the corner (Masato Tanaka’s Diamond Dust or Somersault Stunner. If ya got No Mercy, pick Taka or Funaki and do his corner special, you’ll know what I mean). Jose breaks the pin cover with the lightest love tap to the head in the history of professional f’n wrestling. Shark Boy with a nasty bump to the outside. Kash with his Money Maker!!! (Double Underhook Vertical Piledriver, NOT the same as a Tiger Driver ’91) for a broken two count! Slim J botches a head scissors on Jose Maximo, but covers nicely with a neckbreaker. Slim J to the top, but Shark Boy is whipped into the corner and J ends up crotched. Kryptonite Krunch on Shark Boy and before you can say “Spanish Fly on Slim J”....there it is. Man, these guys are so sloppy tonight, even the Spanish Fly looked off, but the damn move is so impressive that it STILL looks awesome. Jose takes out Kash on the outside with a somersault dive...and once again someone almost hits the ring apron. Back in, Red LETS THE AFRO OUT~! and hits the InfraRed off the top for the pin!

 

My Opinion: One of the worst SAT matches I’ve seen. They were just off tonight for some reason. Joel is a spot blowing machine...but he’s no Sabu. Slim J really showed me something but he needs to change that gimmick, pronto. Shark Boy didn’t do anything for me and Kash was good to see, but if I didn’t see him next week, I wouldn’t shed any tears over it. The match had too many contrived spots, blown spots and spots that I can’t stand, like the “lets jump on everyone” spot. *3/4 because they worked hard.....and I’m being nice.

 

Next up.....The Dupps with Goldilocks. DAMMIT! They ramble for a while and debut an outside....a toilet with shit in it. Someone shoot the Dupps! NOW! I rarely push the Fast Forward button....NEXT!

 

Miss TNA is out. Ok, this is the worst hour they’ve produced so far. Bruce issues an open challenge to any woman to take his crown. Bruce selects this huge cow of a woman from the crowd. The “fan” signs a release and she comes into the ring. She manhandles him....even legdropping him. This is brutal. For once, the announcers are cheering for Bruce! Scoop Slam by Orca. Bruce with a Small Package (ha!) for the win. Can SOMEONE kill Vince Russo for me!? I’ll PAY ANYTHING. He is ruining my show!

 

Goldilocks with Jeff Jarrett in the back. She asks about Lawler’s beef with Jarrett and Jeff doesn’t know what it is. He blows off that situation and instead talks about his issues with The Truth. Jarrett then goes into the bathroom stall, pulls out a half naked Bill Behrens and shoves him to the ground. Bill Behrens is a joke...and so is this show so far. As Jarrett walks away, the cameras catch Bo Dupp bumping into Teo, the Midget and via the rules they set up a few weeks back....Bo Dupp now has a match with Teo. Who find the Dupps entertaining? Show of hands please.

Last Man Standing Match:

Malice vs. Don Harris.

Can they top last week’s terrible First Blood match?

Match Background: After Malice and the other Disciples of the New Church performed their blood ritual on Don Harris, he issued a challenge for a First Blood match. A match that Malice won when Harris Bossman-slammed him and somehow ended up bleeding from it. Go ahead, watch the tape again....Malice does NOTHING to Harris before he starts to bleed. That’s as ridiculous as when my friend Clint bled off a snap mare! Beat down after the match and Harris issues another challenge for this week. Hopefully, Harris won’t knock himself out with a chairshot to Malice.

 

The Match: The Disciples and Father James Mitchell are banned from ringside. Some brawling to start. Bossman slam by Harris....check if he’s bleeding!!!! Chair shot to Malice. Fans want another....and he KILLS Malice with this one! Ref counts Malice down....he’s up at 8. Malice with powder in the eyes of Harris and he takes over on offense again. More powder into the eyes of Harris before he eats a Malice assisted chairshot. Malice whips him into a few barricades and then gets a chain from under the ring. Before he can use it, Heavy D Harris clotheslines him down and chokes Malice with the chain. Harris pulls a table out from under the ring. Harris boots a Malice chairshot attempt back into Malice’s face. Harris sets the table up in the ring. NICE powerbomb by Malice onto Harris to regain control. Chokeslam attempt by Malice reversed into a DDT. Malice takes Harris to the top now....Belly to back suplex off the top through the table! Both men are down and the ref starts to count. At 9, Malice falls back down as Heavy D gets to his feet. Don Harris wins the match! After the match, Malice shows Harris a sign of respect, foreshadowing a face turn.

My Opinion: Well, it beat last week’s, which wasn’t hard to do. The match was kept short and nothing was too sloppy. This seems to have been the blowoff to their INTENSE~! feud...*1/2

 

In the back, Goldilocks is with The Dupps again to torture me. The match between The Dupps and Teo is for the Dupp Cupp. Stan Dupp is afraid of midgets. I’m afraid of Dupp segments.

 

Teo vs. The Dupps for the Dupp Cupp

 

Match Background: The Dupp’s instituted the Hardcore division last week with 10 retarded rules that I won’t repeat here. If you want to read them, read my last rant here. A few weeks ago, The Dupps were told that if you bump into someone in the back, you can have a match with them....therefore, tonight due to bumping into Teo, Teo gets a shot at the Dupp Cupp.

 

The Match: The Dupps bring Horsey-Poo to ringside along with other assorted items. Teo immediately crotches Bo Dupp with the middle rope to start out the match. Tenay wants nothing to do with calling this match and I don’t blame him...he hands it over to West and Ferrara. Teo headbutts Jeremy Borash in the crotch for 2 and a half points. I never thought I’d say that. Teo with a cookie lid shot for another point. Chair shot...Teo has 4 and a half points. Bo Dupp takes his shorts off to reveal his bare ass for NO REASON....and Teo crotches him. What was the point of that, really??? Teo chases Stan Dupp around the ring as Stan screams in fear. West: “He screamed like a Pussy! If you scream like a Pussy, you love 5 points!” Teo – 4 ½ points, Bo Dupp - -5. Dupp regains 3 points with 3 weapon shots. In a move that shows that The Dupps have SOME intelligence....they hand their weapon to a fan and take it back in order to make it legal. If you don’t get it....don’t worry about it, really. You’ll sleep better at night. Its now 4 ½ points to –1. Stan Dupp gooses Don West to gain 3 and a half points, so its 4 ½ to 2 ½. They repeat the spot last week with the ticket lady, which is just no longer funny...and frankly, was only mildly amusing last week. West is HORRIBLE on play by play here. Bo Dupp drags Teo to the top of the ramp to put him in the outhouse...but Puppet is in there and hits Bo with a kendo stick. Teo puts his head in the toilet bowl for the win. I feel....so much dumber after typing this entire paragraph. Teo is the Dupp Cupp champ.

 

My Opinion: Thank God there was a title change, maybe now the angle is over. If I never see another Dupp Cupp match, it’ll be too soon. DUD. That’s just being nice.

 

Recap of the Monty Brown-Elix Skipper angle that started 3 weeks ago.

 

Monty Brown vs. Elix Skipper in a Detroit Street Fight.

 

Match Background: Monty and Elix were tag team partners 3 weeks ago against Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger and after they won the match, Elix helped Ron “The Truth” Killings lay a beat down on Brown. The next week, Brown returned the favor after Elix’s match with AJ Styles. Last week, during an interview with Tenay, Elix attacked Brown from behind and told him that he didn’t know the street....setting up tonights match.

 

The Match: I miss Elix’s old DMX ripoff theme. Elix out first.....and he waits by the entranceway to jump Brown, but Brown ends up coming out from the other entranceway and ambushes Skipper first. Brown is RIPPED. He hangs Skipper with his shirt, the way The Truth did to him weeks ago. Brown with a double axe handle attempt to the outside, but Elix smacks him in the midsection with a chain. The front row chants “Canada” to Elix....ha! Some Skipper with some trashcan lid shots to Brown in the ring. Brown attempts a cross body, but Elix “Matrixes” backwards and Brown flies over him onto a trash can! I LOVE when he does that. Elix places a trash can on Brown on the outside (and Brown puts it into position....I hate that) and Elix goes over the top with a spinning pescado onto the trash can! “TNA” chant by the crowd. That was only a two count.....falls count anywhere apparently. Back in the ring, Monty Brown punches a stop sign back into Skipper and then picks him up. He hits a sloppy looking move called the “Alphalution” (powerslam into Rock Bottom). He hits the Alpha Bomb (fallaway slam into a powerbomb) onto the trash can for the win!

 

My opinion: The match was kind of disappointing because I’d rather see Elix wrestle than brawl and use weapons. Monty Brown can be explosive but he is still very green. The match was kept short so * ½.

 

In the back, Goldilocks is with the Elvises and I just CANT STOP LAUGHING. When they cut to Goldy, Estrada was already sneering-Elvis Style into the camera. There’s dissent amongst the Elvises. The mention the anniversary of the death of The King. Hey! Yang cuts a decent promo in English... Siaki then interrupts to talk about himself. He flat out tells the other two guys that he IS The Flying Elvises. Wow, Siaki’s promo tonight was horrible....

Low-Ki vs. The Flying Elvises (Estrada, Yang and Siaki) for the X title, single elimination.

 

Match Background: This is ‘Ki’s first defense as X champ. There is dissent amongst the Elvises because of Siaki’s ego.

 

The Match: Siaki shoos the other guys off and starts the match against Ki. He tosses Ki across the ring, but Ki lands on his feet. Somersault kick by Ki. He goes for the Cartwheel kick but gets powerbombed down by Siaki. Estrada blind tags Siaki and hits ‘Ki with his running Shooting Star Press for two. Damn, that’s impressive. Low-Ki chat. Trip to Graceland by Estrada (forward roll that Fit Finlay used to do all the time). He goes for a BEAUTIFUL high arcing Lionsault but ‘Ki gets the knees up and hits Estrada SQUARE in the chest! Ow. 3-KICK COMBO~! by Low-Ki! Tenay runs down the advantages of using kicks. We don’t get that kind of insight these days. Bite of the Dragon by Ki! Puts the Dragon Clutch on Siaki as well, but Siaki falls back. Estrada with an Arabian Press for a pin attempt, but Siaki pulls him off. Estrada and Siaki have some words and Yang is tagged in to a pop! The fans are learning...Shining Wizard by Yang to a STANDING Low-Ki. “Yang” chant. Nice spinning wheel kick off the 2nd rope by Yang. Yand and ‘Ki blow an irish whip spot, but Ki puts Yang in ‘Ki Krusher position and drives him into the turnbuckle. He places him up on the top and pays for it as Yang hooks his legs around ‘Ki and falls back, almost like a Tarantula in a move that needs to be seen. TEXTBOOK belly to back suplex by Low-Ki. ‘Ki tags out and its Estrada vs. Yang. They go to the outside and Estrada hits a springboard 180 somersault onto Yang! “TNA” chant. Estrada hits a Tornado DDT, but Yang recovers and hits a nice dropkick. I hate it when people no sell a DDT. Especially Tornado DDT’s. Yang puts on The Walls of Jericho.....and LEANS BACK, the way Jericho SHOULD....and Estrada taps out!!!! ‘Ki back in with a kick to the midsection of Yang. Yang’s stomps are quite cartoonish...Yang hits a GREAT missile dropkick and ‘Ki bumps like a madman! He signals for Yang Time and attempts it in Siaki’s corner, but Siaki non chalantly trips Yang and crotches him. ‘Ki Krusher on Yang for the pin! Yang is eliminated. Siaki with his press slam into fallaway slam for 2. Double clothesline. Springboard kick to the face by ‘Ki. 3-KICK COMBO, but the third kick misses and Siaki hits his drop down uppercut! Siaki off the ropes, but Yang retaliates for earlier and Ki rolls up Siaki for the pin!!

 

My opinion: Best match on the show, by far. Low-Ki is MEGA over with the crowd and it shows. It looks like the other Elvises, especially Yang have had enough of Siaki. They all worked well with each other and the match was solid. ***1/2

 

Earlier today, Goldilocks interviewed Jerry Lynn as he’s driving somewhere. He talks about how he and Styles have their differences, but they’ll work as a team because they are the tag champs. He gets out....and attacks Styles in a parking lot. Styles and Lynn have the best feud going today.

 

Disco Inferno is back with Jive Talkin’. Yay. He has a “legitimate movie star” as a guest tonight. He has Dean Baldwin...who isn’t really a Baldwin, get it? Oh man, Russo sucks. Mr. “Baldwin” claims that the X division is where its at. No shit. He claims he’s in town to do a movie named “Urban Heartthrob” with Frank Stallone and Carrot Top. I’m dying a slow death here! Disco takes a unnecessary shot at Jason Priestly for some reason. He starts asking about Alec Baldwin’s sex life. The crowd is just TURNING on them at this point, loudly chanting “Boring”. Brian Lawler, of all people, comes out to save this segment. He comes out to talk about Jarrett, throwing out tons of expletives in about 4 sentences before Mr. “Baldwin” interrupts him. Lawler just TAGS him with a right hand and starts destroying the set. Security is out and Lawler still doesn’t get to tell us what Jarrett has done to him. Next week, Disco promises a “TV star”. I’ll pass, thank you. Lawler gets thrown out of the building.

 

Goldy in the back and Stan Dupp wants to leave the NWA. YES! GO!!! NEVER COME BACK!

 

The main event for tonight:

 

Jeff Jarrett and Ron “The Truth” Killings vs. Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles for the NWA Tag Titles.

 

Match Background: Styles and Lynn have been tag champs since week 3, feuding ever since. Jarrett wants a title shot against The Truth, but was given this match instead by Ricky Steamboat in a move that somewhat makes Dragon a heel. So, we’ve got feuding tag partners vs. feuding tag partners....a Russo specialty.

 

The Match: The Truth has the best theme music in NWA by the way...and Jerry Lynn has the worst. Lynn has always had heavy metal and now he has some cheesy ass country song. Where are the tag belts? Lynn isn’t wearing his. I’ve actually never gotten a chance to see any of the tag title defenses so I STILL haven’t seen what those belts look like. Lynn in first and gets double teamed by JJ and the Truth. Double suplex onto Lynn. Styles comes in...and where’s the damn tag belts! Styles gets JJ and Truth off of Lynn and once Lynn gets up, he tries to clothesline Styles but AJ ducks and JJ gets it instead. Cute. Lynn with a pescado onto The Truth on the outside as AJ hits Jarrett with a springboard spinning splash into the ring for a two count. AJ with a drop toe hold and it LOOKED like Jarrett was supposed to get hung up on the bottom rope, but instead ended up falling onto his NECK. Ow. Asai moonsault by AJ onto Jarrett as Lynn and Truth are still brawling. Lynn with a monkey flip on Truth. TOP ROPE BULLDOG by Lynn. “TNA” chant. Styles charges after Lynn, who ducks and once AGAIN, Jarrett eats a clothesline. AJ goes for his quebrada into reverse DDT maneuver onto The Truth, but Killings pushes Lynn into the way. He pushes him just a smidge too hard as AJ misses the move and it looks like a blown spot. “Truth” chant. Jeff Jarrett with a sit down body slam!? I’ve never seen him EVER do something like that! Well, what do you know, Jarrett’s expanding the moveset. I’m not sure if that’s what he was trying to do or if he was going for a Michinoku Driver! Truth back in, with a reverse powerbomb. Corner roll up by Lynn for 2. NICE Ax-kick by The Truth. Booker T hasn’t done it that well in years. Jarrett back in, goes for the Stroke, but its reversed into a backslide. Jarrett with a sleeper now on Lynn. Lynn with a figure four, but in a nice spot, Jarrett reverses it immediately. Why is that a nice spot you say? Well, if I have a submission hold, like the Sharpshooter and I’ve been doing it for years, I’d know how to get out of it immediately. You figure that Ric Flair would do that every time its put on him, but Nooo. Oh, Tenay agrees with me. Truth back in, splits to avoid a clothesline and hits a spinning calf kick for 2. Tornado DDT by Lynn! “Double J” chant!? Styles in with Jarrett now and Styles is just kicking the crap out of ol’ Double J! Styles Clash attempt but The Truth breaks it up. Lynn and Styles are actually working together for a brief moment. In an Irish whip sequence with Jarrett, Styles inadvertently takes out the ref. Lynn with a reverse DDT on Jarrett! Cradle Piledriver by Lynn on the World Champ!!! Jarrett breaks it up. Jarrett with The Stroke on Lynn! AJ off the top with the Spiral Tap on The Truth! Both men cover.....1.......2......3!!! Double pin! Most importantly to me....AJ Styles pinned the World champ. Oh, there’s the tag belts! The ref’s disagree on who won. Bullet Bob Armstrong out to VACATE THE TAG TITLES! The crowd is chanting “Bullshit” and rightfully so, dammit. Bullet Bob then states that next week The Truth will defend the title against Monty Brown. Lynn and AJ challenge each other to a match. 2 out of 3 falls....the first match is Falls Count Anywhere, second is No DQ and the third is a 10 minute Ironman Match. Jarrett wants to know where HIS match is. Armstrong says that he has a surprise for him next week.

 

My opinion: Ok, in the history of NWA:TNA you’ve got one set of tag team champions, Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles. Then, they’re stripped of the titles after 6 weeks. It took them 6 weeks before there is a vacancy in their title lineage! That really takes away from the tag division in my opinion, after this match had done so much for it. The match was good, not great, but it did show that the cruiserweights (because that’s what the X division guys are) can hang with the heavyweights. Not only can they hang, but the world champ was pinned! That really builds up the division, but the ending killed it. **3/4.

 

Don West with the hard sell for next week to end the show. The match announced: Yang vs. Siaki, Low-Ki vs. SAT’s for the X division, Truth vs. Monty Brown and Lynn vs. Styles. This guy needs to calm down man! He’s about to have another 8 heart attacks in the next minute. The fans behind West are cracking me up! they are much more entertaining than this guy. Wait....there’s something in the back!

 

Jarrett in the back with Bullet Bob arguing when all of a sudden, Lawler grabs a hold of Jarrett. “I’m gonna kill you!!” Fade out...

 

Overall Opinion: Without a doubt, their worst show. The only thing that didn’t have any negative connotations from it was the X division match. Russo is ruining the product with his sillyness. The Dupps need to go! Bruce needs to go! A lot of X guys were off of their game tonight. The promos were horrible. Disco NEEDS to go. They vacated the tag titles after their first set of champs! Oh man, if they put on any more shows like this, I don’t know if they’ll survive.

 

‘Til Next We--- wait a minute....its the Super Deluxe Edition remember? I’m not going ANYWHERE!

 

I’m back at Suazo’s for week 10, my last week at his place as he’ll be leaving this weekend for RPI. My last chance for CHERRY ITALIAN ICES~! is wasted as the corner store is out of them! NO!!!! Damn you, corner store....DAMN YOU!

 

NWA:TNA Week 10

 

For some reason, which I fear is Russo related, Ferrera is gone from the announce position. Great, leave Tenay with West! Bastards.

 

The opening match:

 

AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn – 1st fall. Falls Count Anywhere

 

Match Background: These two have been at each other throats since week 2. AJ pinned Lynn twice in a row in the X Division double elimination tournament to become the champ. The next week, Lynn chose AJ as his tag team partner and won the tag titles. At first, it seemed that all was fine between the two, but Lynn took exception to AJ’s lack of respect and attacked him for it. Although it seemed unwarranted, after a brief reconciliation, AJ then turned on Lynn and have been battling ever since. AJ lost his X division championship to Low-Ki in week 8 in an AMAZING triple threat match along with Jerry Lynn, without being pinned. Just last week, their tag title reign ended after a controversial double pin, so these guys don’t have to get along ANYMORE. After the tag title loss, both men challenged each other to matches this week, the first being Falls Count Anywhere, the second being No DQ and the third being a 10-minute IronMan match. The winner gets a title shot against Low-Ki next week, so the stakes are as high as they can get for these two.

 

The Match: The match starts with Lynn dropping AJ on the guard rail and brawling with him on the outside. Tenay informs us that this match will have the first fall now, then the second and third falls (if necessary, but come on, its wrestling) later on in the show. Tenay also puts over Styles huge by hyping up the fact that he never lost any titles via pinfall or submission. If Styles has any mic skills whatsoever, he needs to play that up. Lynn crotches AJ on the guard rail and attempts something, but decides that a face full of chair would be better suited for Mr. Styles. Two count in the crowd. They brawl in the crowd and fight their way up the steps. Somersault from the bleachers onto Lynn by AJ. Not as impressive as it sounds. AJ tosses Lynn back to ringside now. AJ jumps up onto the guardrail, but Lynn trips him and AJ hits sternum first! AJ Styles has just gone blue, ladies and gents. HARD suplex on the floor. AJ still hasn’t recovered any color in his cheeks....that’s just scary. Back in the ring now, AJ attempts his quebrada into reverse DDT move, but Lynn reverses it into a Stunner, called a Jawbreaker by Tenay. Lynn signals for the Cradle, but AJ face plants him out the same way Kidman gets out of every powerbomb on this planet. Old school slingshot suplex into a hangmans neckbreaker for two by AJ. “AJ sucks” chant. Both men tumble to the outside. West: “This feud has Gooooone to the point that its coming out right here, Mike”. What!? They brawl up the ramp and Styles gets SPEARED on the top of the ramp by Lynn. AJ was just folded in half! Okay, enough hyperbole. Lynn with a bulldog off the stage onto the dancers platform for two. Back on the top of the ramp now, AJ attempts the Styles Clash, reversed into a back body drop by Lynn. Cradle PileDriver by Lynn on the ramp and the pinfall is academic. Lynn wins fall number ONE.

 

My Opinion: The match wasn’t nearly as good as their previous in-ring encounters, but still solid. I like the fact that they are spreading the falls out, instead of starting out the show with a thirty minute or so contest that could burn out the crowd (and the viewers). I wonder what would have happened if the HHH/SCSA match from No Way Out last year would have been like this. I’ll give this **1/2.

 

In the back, Goldilocks is with Chris Harris and James Storm. Harris is tired of Storm living his cowboy gimmick. Hey, so am I. Harris thinks this gimmick is why they haven’t been on TNA. Harris thinks they should take Ron Harris and Brian Lee, their opponents tonight, seriously. This promo is horrible. Lee and the other Harris interrupt and make fun of James Storm. For once, I’m on their side.

 

The match is now...

 

Ron Harris and “Prime Time” Brian Lee vs. James Storm and Chris Harris

 

Holy God DAMN, Brian Lee’s lost a lot of weight!

 

Match Background: Two thirds of the former DOA in the WWF are tagging for the first time since those days. Storm and Harris apparently are undefeated as a team, but didn’t win the tag titles in the tournament. Don’t ask me how, I didn’t see it. This match is just to climb the ladder to get to the vacant tag titles.

 

The Match: “DOA” Chant by the crowd. I just CANT get over how thin Brian Lee’s gotten! James Storm looks like Eric Watts....I wish I could forget him, but I can’t. Storm takes out Lee with a flying forearm and Harris takes out um...the OTHER Harris with a double axehandle off the top. Harris armdrags Harris and Harris bails to the outside. Is it just me or does every wrestler with the last name Harris just suck? Harris backdrops Harris over the top. Storm uses Harris to jump onto Harris....and Lee, who’s real last name happens to be Harris. Brian Lee tombstones Chris Harris and I get flashbacks of the fake Undertaker angle. The only version of Brian Lee I’ve ever liked was The Bulldozer Brian Lee in ECW. Ron (Harris) with a sideslam on Chris (Harris). Lou Thesz press by Chris Harris but the DOA rejects take over again. James Storm in now and he’s a house of fire! He shall now be dubbed the Flaming Cowboy by me. Brian Lee takes a “fan”, and attacks him on the outside. In the ring, the Flaming Cowboy and Chris Harris roll up Ron Harris for the win. After the win, Ron and Lee give both guys the H-Bomb. Why did I just mark out for the H-bomb? I miss the NWO B-Team.

 

My Opinion: Harris’ suck. They just do. At least Brian Lee realized this and doesn’t acknowledge his Harris status. I was going to give this a DUD, but two H-bombs and I’ll give it a ½*

 

The next match:

 

Sonny Siaki vs. Jimmy Yang

 

The Elvises EXPLODE~!

 

Match Background: Sonny, Yang and Jorge Estrada make up the Flying Elvises, who are quite talented as a team. After a few wins under their belt, Sonny began to believe his own hype and became egocentric while the other two Elvises said nothing. They couldn’t take it any longer after last week when Siaki cost Yang the X title in their single elimination contest. Yang did the same to Siaki and the match has been signed!

 

The Match: Estrada is out with Yang....and I almost forgot that Russo is booking. I have a feeling that Estrada will turn on Yang. Why? Because Russo likes SWERVES that make NO sense. Siaki charges Yang on the ramp, but gets clotheslined. He takes a moment to dance with a stripp, er....dancer. Yang is over with the crowd. Back in the ring now, Yang gets a nice dropkick for a two. “Yang Time” chant. Hanging headscissors onto Siaki followed by a nice springboard dropkick. “TNA” chant. Tenay pimps his experience with All Japan and get this....tries to give Yang a compliment by stating that he’ll be on the same card as Bill Goldberg, as if that means something. Siaki finally in control, but Yang quickly hits a neckbreaker and hits Yang Time for the win! Wait....this is two out of three falls!? Nice of someone to tell us! Second fall: Hanging headscissors by Yang reversed by Siaki. Sonny with a suplex on the floor. Back in now, Siaki gets his somersaulting spinning neckbreaker for two. It’s a chop fest before Siaki hits his pumphandle exploder. Yang takes the bump flat on his back somehow and it still looks pretty good. Backslide by Yang for two, but Siaki recovers with a MURDEROUS lariat to take Yang back down. Yang gets a spinning wheel kick off the ropes to come back. Yang goes for a suplex, its blocked and Siaki hits him with the Money Clip (snap neckbreaker out of a suplex position) for the pinfall. Third and deciding fall: Oh man, Estrada is SO turning. Mexican Backbreaker by Siaki. Pinfall attempt by Yang’s foot is on the ropes. Yang reversed an Irish Whip into a Lance Storm-like rolling crab. Man, he just CRANKED on his leg! Yang with a spinning toe hold...and just like Lay’s, you can’t do just one. After another two, he settles on a leg lace. Siaki gets to the ropes. Superplex by Siaki, but he turns around to receive a Shining Wizard by Yang. I can really appreciate Muta’s version of it now that I’ve seen two other guys do it too. Yang twists out of a hip toss (mighty coolness) and hits a clothesline of his own. Siaki goes for the press slam into fallaway slam move he likes to do, but Yang catches him with a book to the stomach instead. Simple, effective. Siaki in the corner now and Yang moonsault kicks him in the corner. That’s a real move!? I swear if anyone ever does the “Tiger Headscissors” from the WWF THQ games, I’m going to flip out. Siaki blocks a rana with an Alley Oop into the corner. Siaki to the top now, but gets crotched. SUPER SWINGING NECKBREAKER by Yang! Both guys are down....Yang with an inside cradle for a CLOSE TWO!!! Estrada goes to argue with the ref, Yang with a roll up, Siaki reverses, holds onto the ropes....1....2....3!

 

My Opinion: Well, I’m quite pleased that Estrada didn’t turn because that wouldn’t have made any sense. I guess Siaki wins the blowoff match here and who knows, maybe he gets a singles push. Yang deserves one definitely. He’s over with the crowd and can *gasp * speak English. Estrada is the only one who really looks like he needs someone to be paired off with. Is this the end of the Flying Elvises gimmick? The match: **3/4

 

Jeff Jarrett comes out before the Elvises can even leave. He wants Bullet Bob’s surprise right now. He’s ambushed again by Brian Lawler! Security separates the two as the announcers still speculate why Lawler is so pissed at Double J! Lawler is in the ring now with Goldilocks who asks him what he’s mad at Jarrett for. Tenay is SCREAMING “TELL US” at the top of his lungs. Lawler dismisses her and is about to tell us when Slash of the Disciples of the New Church attacks Lawler. Gee, thanks for telling us that they were having a match tonight!

 

Slash vs. Brian Lawler

 

Match Background: None that I know of...

 

The Match: Slash ambushes Lawler and immediately hits the Eye of the Hurricane on him. Slash whips him into the guard rail on the outside. Lawler’s making comedic faces to sell. How am I supposed to buy him being a menacing heel if he keeps doing that? Slash tries to piledrive Lawler on the floor, but gets backdropped onto the exposed concrete. Lawler taunts the crowd and confuses the crowd even more on who to cheer for. Both men on the ramp now....Lawler with a running bulldog on the ramp! Lawler goes for a chair....and don’t I feel stupid. Its the same fan from last week who refused to give up her chair. Yeah...I feel dumb alright. I should have known better. Back in now, Slash superplexes the former Too Cool-er. Slash with the Slash and Burn and once again, Lawler makes funny faces to sell. Lawler with the Maivia Hurricane (float over DDT) and starts to dance like his WWF days. Enziguiri by Lawler....and then he does the Roger Rabbit dance. Slash goes from behind, attempts his neckbreaker (which Tenay ALSO calls the Slash and Burn, which is it Mike!), but Lawler gets out of it. Slash places him on the top but gets shoved off....Top Rope Legdrop (Hip Hop Drop, now the Tennessee Jam) for the win.

 

My Opinion: Heel vs. Heel match ups never generate any crowd heat. Slash hasn’t ever shown me anything and Lawler really needs to stop making funny faces and dancing if he wants to be taken seriously. *

 

In the back, Jeff Jarrett and Bullet Bob are arguing about the surprise.

Low-Ki vs. The SAT in a Single Elimination match for the X Title.

 

Match Background: Low-Ki has faced Red many times before in indy’s across the world and also here in TNA a few weeks back. This is ‘Ki’s second title defense, the first was also a single elimination match with 3 opponents. However, the Elvises last week couldn’t concentrate.....can the SAT stay united to beat Low-Ki?

 

The Match: The SAT are out first.....and what the HELL are the Maximo’s wearing. Their outfits just keep getting worse and worse! They need to go back to their old orange jumpsuits that hide how fat they are. Why can’t they spell Low-Ki’s name right?? The SAT’s jump Low-Ki to start, but he kicks his way out of it, drop toe holding Joel onto Jose. 3-KICK COMBO~! by ‘Ki! Kick Joel HARDER. Yes, I don’t like Joel Maximo. Ew, that was stiff....do it again. The third kick in the combo ends up hitting a rising Jose. OH wow. Red jumped ¾’s of the way into the ring to dropkick Low-Ki out. For those of you who have ever played Marvel vs. Capcom 2 it looked like Spiderman was tagged in and immediately did a Web Swing. That’s the first thing that went into MY mind. Joel goes after Red because he’s dumb. Ki back in and he hits Red with the MUTA ELBOW~!. Ki tries to ram Red into the corner, but Red slips out and bicycle kicks Ki in the corner. I swear, it looks like these guys played a bunch of fighting video games and incorporated their moves into their arsenal. Jose now in with ‘Ki. Jose with a tornado DDT on Ki. Joel now in and they doubleteam ‘Ki. Ki goes for a headscissors, but Joel botches it of course. Somersault kick to Joel in the corner. Jose and Joel in the corner now and Low-Ki cartwheel kicks them both! Red in and and he hits the Red Star Press (standing Shooting Star) for two on Joel. Joel with Low-Ki across his shoulders now.....Jose with a double stomp. Red with a double stomp and flows into a ‘rana onto Jose. Red on Joel’s shoulders now and ‘Ki kicks Red down. Red takes an AMAZING bump off of that...SAT double team ‘Ki with a catapult into a neckbreaker which ends up being botched. I’m not sure if that was Joel’s fault or Jose’s....but I’ll go with Joel. It’s called the Maximo Impact, according to Tenay. Red now in with his SAT compadres and he turns a headscissors attempt into a snap DDT....wow. Spinning enziguiri. Dropkick’s Jose out....but Jose doesn’t go out so he throws himself over the top. Red ‘rana’s Jose off the apron onto Joel. Red goes for a suicide dive onto ‘Ki, but he hits a kick to Red’s face first! Ow. He tosses Red off the top onto the Maximo’s. “Low-Ki” chant. Phoenix Splash off the top onto the SAT pile. I normally don’t like that move, but it makes sense because he’s not injuring any partners or anything like that. STIFF kick to Joel. I love it. Both guys fall to the outside. Joel back in now....Double underhooks his brother, puts him in powerbomb position that way and then sit down powerbombs him! It’s called the Overdrive. Imagine the Pedigree if it was a powerbomb......ok then. I bet Mikey Whipwreck taught him that one. Jose is eliminated. Joel, good move, but shouldn’t you guys be going after Low-Ki!? ‘Ki back in with rapid fire short kicks to Joel’s face and I LOVE THE STIFFNESS~! Red now with a springboard Downward Spiral....followed up by the InfraRed and its down to Red vs. Low-Ki again! ‘Ki attemps a few strikes, but Red is just too damn fast. Red goes for the Code Red (my favorite move in Red’s arsenal, but Ki’ drives him into the turnbuckles before he can get it off! I’ve never seen that move countered. Low-Ki signals for the Ki Krusher....he puts it on....and starts climbing the ropes!!!! Red fights him off and goes for a top rope ‘rana. ‘Ki blocks it and hits the Ki Krusher OFF THE TOP!!!!! 1...2....3!!!

 

My Opinion: DAMN. That finish was amazing. A top rope fishermans buster...If anyone has this clip mpeg’d somewhere, I NEED it. The match was OK. The SAT have a lot of innovative maneuvers but they occasionally botch them since detracts from it. The match was pretty devoid of any psychology but what really bugged me was that the SAT’s didn’t work together when they should have. Had they been focused, there’s NO WAY they would have lost. I with the Red/Ki section was longer. ***

 

The Truth in the back with Goldilocks. Damn, this man improved so much with his promos. Monty Brown should be thanking The Truth for paving the way for black superstars.

 

Shown in the crowd, indy workers Slyk Wagner Brown and his second, the smokin’ April Hunter. Next week, she takes on Bruce for the TNA crown. PLEASE let her win it....she’s hot AND she can wrestle. Plus....Bruce needs to go.

 

Ron “The Truth” Killings vs. Monty Brown.

 

Match Background: A few weeks ago, The Truth attacked Monty Brown with the help of Elix Skipper. After Monty extracted his REVENGA~! on Elix, he set his sights out for The Truth. Then, Killings became World champ. Monty gets the shot this week.

 

The Match: Monty Brown is one RIPPED individual. I really like Truth’s theme music... There are many Truth signs in the crowd. Get this: This is the first time two black men have wrestled over the NWA title. The Rock and Booker T wrestled for the WCW title, yet no two black men have ever wrestled for the WWF/E World title. Truth with a slap to start, right hand by Brown to retaliate. Splash in the corner by Brown. Brown seems very green. Brown dives after Truth, who’s on the apron, but he ducks down and Brown goes over the top. Truth dives over the top with a flying cross body to the floor! Brawling on the outside for a bit...Truth and Brown on top of the announce table now. Brown goes for the Alphabomb on the announce table, but Truth pokes Brown in the eye to stop it. Hey, do what you gotta do. Brown with an overhead belly to belly on the Truth and he hit HEAD first! Truth looks seriously hurt....The ref is whispering to both of them. I think they might be rushing to the finish. Brown stomps Truth and he doesn’t sell. I think this is legit. Back in the ring, Brown with a pin attempt (are you stupid!?) and Truth kicks out! Truth with a Downward Spiral to Brown in the ring. What is with that move making a comeback? Truth is groggy....but he’s going to the top. Uh oh, that’s not too smart. Top rope legdrop by The Truth and Suazo can’t stop laughing because Browns braids came out due to the impact of that move! They hit the chinlock and Truth is visibly in pain. This resthold is excusable. Truth takes a back bump, he’s brave. Spinning leg lariat by Killings. I love that move. Suplex is blocked by Brown and gets a snap suplex of his own instead. GORGEOUS powerslam by Brown for two. West: “Could the Title be over!?” Brown goes for a clothesline, Truth with a split, kick to the gut.....and a spinning Axe kick to the back of the head of the full Monty! Brown now with an AlphaBomb attempt, reversed into a Truth or Consequences attempt, reversed again into an AlphaBomb attempt, reversed into a roll up by The Truth for the pin! Nice finishing sequence, but the roll up was botched.

 

My Opinion: Monty Brown is as green as a one dollar bill. He’s explosive and he’s got a great look, but he shouldn’t be anywhere near the World title. The Truth deserves props for continuing the match after getting dropped on his dome on the outside. He worked hard despite the injury. **

 

Jeff Jarrett now out with a chair and he takes out the ref and Monty Brown! He goes after Killings, but Killings kicks him. Lawler now in the ring and he goes right after JJ. The Truth and Brown are just watching this. Lawler with a chair now....aims for JJ....but JJ pulls Truth into the way and he eats a chairshot!

 

Goldilocks interviews Jerry Lynn in the back. He seems a bit uncomfy on the mic this time. Styles attacks him from the back...and the match is started!

 

AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn – Fall # 2 – No Disqualification.

 

The Match: They brawl into the ring and Jerry Lynn buys himself sometimes with a stun gun. He sets up a table at ringside. AJ puts him back in the ring now. AJ on the apron....Jerry Lynn with a sunset flip powerbomb attempt...blocked and Lynn knocks the table down to insure he doesn’t go through it (like a veteran). AJ dives over the top after him, but Lynn moves and Styles just crashes and burns. Lynn sets the table back up. Lynn gets a chair and goes into the ring with it. AJ sweeps Lynn and the chair smacks Lynn in the face. AJ wedges the chair in the corner. AJ goes for a roll up, but Lynn counters with a catapult into the chair, face first! “Jerry” chant. Vicious chops in the corner by Lynn. AJ goes for a shoulder block from the ring apron, but Lynn counters with a legdrop. “AJ” chant by some teenage girlies. Tornado DDT attempt by Lynn onto the table, but AJ clotheslines him back in instead. AJ places the chair in the ring and both men clothesline each other and fall onto the chair! AJ with the chair now and Lynn with a sunset flip. Chairshot to end the pinfall attempt and AJ goes for his own pinfall attempt for 2. Lynn dropkicks the chair back into AJ’s face. Tenay “There’s so much at stake... THAT THEIR FIGHTING THROUGH THAT PAIN!” Why are you screaming!? Lynn DDT’s AJ off the top rope and pulls him up at two. That’ll come back to bite you, veteran. AJ on the top now, Lynn crotches him though. Jerry with a ‘rana onto the table at ringside and Styles goes through it! Another “Jerry” chant. Jerry with the cover.....two count! Lynn places the chair in the ring.....Lynn goes for a ‘rana, its blocked! Styles Clash onto the chair for the 2nd fall!

 

AJ Styles vs. Jerry Lynn - Fall #3 - 10 Minute IronMan Match

 

The Match: The IronMan Match begins NOW, so I’ll treat this entire segment as one match. Lynn is still down from the Styles Clash, and AJ picks up two pinfalls to go up 2-0!! Such beautiful booking!!!! Lynn reverses a suplex attempt into a neckbreaker. 8:30 left and Styles puts on a sleeper....thats just great. Wear him down!! Stall for time AJ, you smart, smart man. AJ with a headlock now....6:30 remaining. Lynn gets out and hits Styles with his flipping face first powerbomb to gain a pinfall! Its 2 to 1, AJ! Cradle Piledriver attempt is countered. AJ is stalling for time. 5 minutes remaining. AJ charges Lynn but misses and crashes into the corner. Lynn gets only a 2 count off of that. Lynn goes to the top for what appears to be a moonsault, but AJ recovers and puts him in a Razor’s Edge position.....then flips him forward into a DDT for another pinfall!!! 3-1 AJ! 3:25 remaining! Spinning kick to Lynn, AJ with another pin attempt, only a 2 count. 2:30 left. Low-Ki is on the top of the ramp looking on...with a ladder in hand. AJ with a Tombstone attempt, countered by Lynn into one of his own for a pinfall! 3–2 AJ! 1:45 remaining! Lynn with the Styles Clash onto AJ to tie it up!!!!! One minute remaining! AJ with backslide, No! Lynn with a roll up, no! Tons of pinfall attempts......the clock is running down! The time limit expires! The match is a draw!

 

My Opinion: I had a feeling that with a feud like this, there wouldn’t be a decisive winner. The IronMan Match was booked to perfection and the No DQ match was good as well. I’m going to go with ***1/2

 

Low-Ki enters the ring now with the downed competitors. He raises their hands to show respect.....and then kicks them both! “Low-Ki” chant. He goes to the top of the ramp and takes THE STICK~! Low-Ki has an incredibly deep voice. He’s challenging them both to a triple ladder match next week! Oh MAN!!! A rematch of the promotions best match.....with ladders!?

 

Don West with the hard sell for next week....Low-Ki vs. Jerry Lynn vs. AJ Styles – Triple Ladder Match! Wait....that’s THREE ladders!? Oh MAN!

 

In the back now, Ref Scott Armstrong is pleading with his father to forget about Jeff Jarrett. Hell, I forgot about Jeff Jarrett!

 

Jarrett in the ring now and he wants his “surprise” now. A guy dressed up as a black and green bullet comes out and Jarrett attacks him. The announcers sell it as Bullet Bob, so its obviously not. Whoever it is though, he has old man legs. Jarrett says he’s going to give him The Stroke. That’s not something you say to an old man! The Bullet gets up and knocks Jarrett out of the ring. He walks up to the ramp and Bullet Bob is at the top of it....so, who’s under the mask?

 

Overall: This was one of their best shows. There wasn’t anything offensive like The Dupps or Jive Talkin’ and everyone worked really hard tonight. Everything made sense and it seemed like all of Russo’s influence was gone. Hmm...I’m looking forward to next week SO much that I may just take a trip upstate to go see it!

 

I might not be back next week with TNA, but I WILL be back this Sunday for SummerSlam!

 

See you then fellas!

 

The Dames, Damian Gonzalez

 

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