WWE Velocity Recap - July 06, 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

For those who didn’t read my DVD review of The Dead Hate the Living!, I’ve returned from my vacation in the Mid-West (oh, and please read that column too). I don’t have much of an intro, but I would like to thank FakeRazor for filling in for me last week, even though he writes a better recap than I do ;-)

 

Oh, and I’m going to try and start encompassing star ratings, even though I don’t like them because I’ve always found it difficult to sum up my feelings on a match with a number or short measurement. That’s why I’ll include a short explanation of why I gave it the rating. I’m not sure for the future, but for this week, after reading Mark Goodhart’s latest article I made sure to pay attention to whether or not any psychology was used, and that’s one of the main factors in the ratings. I highly recommend the article, as it helped me understand the basics of what wrestling psychology is and why it’s important in a match.

 

That being said, kick it into hyperdrive, it’s time for the WWE’s fastest show, VELOCITY!

 

Opening Match

Tajiri “WWE’s Other Japanese Guy, Who Doesn’t Job Every Match” vs. “The Unpowerbombable” Billy Kidman

Does anyone know if Tajiri’s entrance music is a “real” song that originated outside of wrestling? I’m asking because I heard it in the background of an old Rush Hour 2 “behind the scenes” promo feature that was on TV the other day, and that intrigued me. If you know, PM me on the boards or e-mail me. Anyway, we start off with a lock-up… just kidding! Tajiri fakes Kidman out and just kicks him in the chest for a quick cover, 1…2…Kidman pushes his shoulder up but Tajiri shoves it down again for 1…2…Kidman pushes the shoulder up again, this time turning it into a monkey flip which he brings down into a sunset flip for a cover on Tajiri, 1…2…Tajiri kicks out, but Kidman is back on him with a leg scissors takedown and a dropkick knocking him out of the ring. Kidman goes over the top rope onto Tajiri, then whips him into the ring steps, but Tajiri blocks it and tosses a charging Kidman into the ring’s unforgiving steel steps. When both re-enter the ring, Kidman gets an advantage with chops and an Irish whip towards the corner, which Tajiri reverses into the Tarantula! After breaking the hold he covers Kidman, then out of frustration gives him a snapmare and a sleeper (my favorite No Mercy combo… too bad it’s boring in real life). Kidman fights his way out (with the crowd behind him, of course), and goes for a hip toss but gets caught and ends up hitting an enzuigiri and another head scissors takedown. He follows up with a clothesline and a second rope bulldog. Why doesn’t Trish make that spot look good? He covers for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out and dodges the subsequent clothesline and connects with a kick, gets the handspring but Kidman sidesteps the elbow. Kidman goes for a powerbomb (that’s a novel twist), and YOU CAN POWERBOMB TAJIRI~! Kidman chooses not to cover and instead motions for the Shooting Star Press, which gets a good crowd pop. Unfortunately, Tajiri is back up, and forgetting who is opponent is, tries a powerbomb of his own, but silly Tajiri, powerbombs aren’t for Kidmans! Kidman covers for 1…2…kickout! Kidman goes up, but Tajiri shoves the ref and busts out the MIST! GREEN MIST! 1…2…3!

And da winnah is… Tajiri, mist-assisted pinfall.

** ½

This was a pretty decent opener; there was nothing really wrong with the match and I liked Kidman’s second-rope bulldog. At the same time though, given the fairly recent feud between these two, to see them paired up again so soon made it seem a bit stale. My biggest problem with the match was the lack of the Shooting Star Press… that’s Kidman’s move, without it he’s nothing! There wasn’t really much psychology either, but then again, how do you build up to mist in the eyes?

 

wh00! COMMERCIALS!

 

Boring Midcard Match

”The Alabama Android” Hardcore Holly vs. Chavo “I’m Related to the Gobbledygooker!” Guerrero Jr.

Hardcore offers a handshake, but gives a slap, reminding us he is, in fact, supposed to be the heel. He whips Chavo, but is met in the corner with a boot to the face, a lock-up, and an Irish whip, but Chavo doesn’t connect, and Holly chops away (amazingly enough, nobody in the crowd is stimulated enough to “wh00!”). He charges, but Chavo pulls down the ropes, sending him to the outside. Chavo dives over the top rope, and Holly is kind enough to break his fall. Back in, Chavo gives Holly a shot to his ribs, chops in the corner (again, nobody is stimulated enough to “wh00!”), and chokes the fallen Holly with his foot. Somehow “chopping a mudhole” just doesn’t have any ring to it, and Holly is quick to turn the match around with The BEST Right Hands in the Business, and catches Chavo’s dropkick (which is apparently only the second or third best in the business) and slingshots him into the corner. Belly to belly on Chavo, then Holly shows him a REAL dropkick, and Chavo shows his thanks by tripping Hardcore into the corner. Hardcore goes for the Alabama Slamma, but Chavo counters by holding onto the top ropes for dear life. Hardcore switches gears to take advantage of the opportunity by kicking poor Chavo in the abdomen and powerbombing him for 1…2…kickout! Holly whips Chavo and tries to get him in the Alabama Slamma again off the rebound, but Chavo reverses again into a roll-up for 1…2...kickout! Holly sits up, and is met with a kick to the face as Chavo covers for 1…2…damn! Holly kicks out again! Another series of wh00-less chops is Chavo’s last bit of offense, as Holly sets him up for the Alabama Slamma, and as much as he struggles, third time’s the charm and Holly hits it and covers for the 1…2…3!

And da winnah is… Hardcore Holly, plain ol’ pinfall.

**

Hardcore Holly’s best position in the company right now is as a Tough Enough trainer. He’s right on the money in the execution of all his moves, but he’s just not entertaining. My Pet Rocks™ have more charisma than this guy, in and out of the ring. Again, nothing fundamentally wrong with the match, but watching Holly is akin to watching a machine that makes no mistakes but lacks any soul or human characteristics. The lack of any real high spots or cool cruiserweight reversal sequences also hurt Chavo’s game big time. Not much psychology, although holding onto the ropes has been used often recently as the WWE’s accepted counter of the Alabama Slamma, which makes sense as it’s the most (only?) logical way to counter the move (the reversal into a roll-up just didn’t look as smooth).

 

wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS!

 

Boring Midcard Match, Pt. II

“No Longer Phat” Albert vs. Rob “I Fake Injuries In The Ring, Instead of Back Stage” Conway

Following tonight’s trend of ol’ skool heel tactics instead of right hands or a lock-up to start the match, Albert shoves Conway off the apron before he can get in the ring. When Conway, having been rudely interrupted, re-enters the ring, Albert shoves him into the corner, and even pulls him off when he turns it around into a 10-punch! That’s just downright rude! Conway gets in a shot on Albert’s legs and goes for the cover, but Albert kicks out WITH AUTHORITY~! and throws Conway over the top rope and steps out, not to check on Conway’s condition, but to pick him up and slam him against the side of the ring and the ring post! Albert rolls Conway back in and covers for 1…2…kickout! Albert whips Conway into the corner and follows up with right hoofs (err… hands), big chops (the ones that look like slaps) in the corner, and a running splash. He then removes Conway out of the corner for… a BEARHUG?! Wait, we can relax, this isn’t Mark Henry, and thus we don’t have to buy this ancient move as a finisher. Conway shows he’s got plenty of fight left in him, as he breaks out of the hold, and when whipped into the corner stops not one, but TWO Albert charges with boots to the face, and as Albert charges one more time (brawn over brains strikes again… doesn’t he know when to try a new approach?), Conway drop toe holds him and he eats turnbuckle. Conway dropkicks Albert’s knee and gives him a Tornado DDT (which Al Snow mistakenly calls a “Hurricane DDT”… perhaps a reference to the main event?). Conway covers for 1…2…Albert kicks out again, but thankfully lacking AUTHORITY~! Albert grabs Conway for a Baldo Bomb, but that clever lad pokes the eye and breaks the hold, and kicks Albert in the chin. By now, Albert is fully enraged (nobody messes with the Meshuggenator!) and ends the match with a clothesline and a spinning backbreaker (?) for the 1…2…3!

And da winnah is… Albert, pinfall.

** ½

I made the match sound a lot more even than it actually was, but with the exception of his Tornado DDT Conway didn’t get any real offense. One sided matches usually bother me, but this one didn’t for some reason. You’ll never believe this one, but Albert was actually using successful ring psychology. His dominant (hoss) power moves clearly worked the body, which effectively set up for the bearhug (as much as it pains me to see one in a match nowadays) and his new (at least to me) finisher. It might not have been worthy of a B.A., but compared to the lack of other psychology so far tonight, it’s made Albert into Velocity’s Freud. Does that bother anyone else?

 

wh00! STILL MORE COMMERCIALS!

 

Recap

Shawn Michaels: HHH is in the nWo

::“spooky fingers”:: The Kliq is real, the truth is out there… OR IS IT?! Conspiracy theorists unite, as those twisted tales of backstage politics and general mayhem will not only be admitted, but written in as part of the storylines… OR WILL THEY?! ::EVIL LAUGHTER~!::

 

Boring Midcard Match, Pt. III (?!)

“The World’s Slowest Hoss” Mark Henry vs. “The Canadian Crybaby” Chris-TIAN!

Mark Henry starts us off without any heel tactics (what?! Oh yea, he’s the American, he’s supposed to be the face), and instead simply puts Christian on the top turnbuckle. This I’d have no problem with, except he DOESN’T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM ONCE HE’S UP THERE! Instead, Christian throws a mini-tantrum and comes down on his own, only to met by The World’s Strongest Clothesline and an Irish Whip out of the ring. Outside of the ring, Henry shows his incredible strength (groan…) by picking up Christian and tossing him onto the top rope, then lifting Christian up for a military press, only to carry him all the way over to the ring steps, up the ring steps, and then finally tossing him over the top rope into the ring. OK, Henry’s strong, we get it! Christian actually gets an offensive move in, hitting Henry with a cross-body for 1…2…of course Henry kicks out WITH AUTHORITY~!, he’s the World’s Strongest Man! Ugh… somebody end this match! Strangely enough, for having such AUTHORITY~! when kicking out, Henry is still down, and a frustrated Christian heeds my pleas and heads out of the ring to grab a chair, thinking since he’s bound to lose anyway, might as well lose by DQ. Mike Chioda stalls, and eventually makes Christian drop the chair. He WANTS this match to continue? That’s enough of a reason to make me hate Americans right there! Christian goes up for another cross-body but Henry (who FINALLY made it up to his feet) catches it (because he’s TOO STRONG to sell more than one move per match!), and gives Christian a HELLA high flapjack for 1…2…but Christian kicks out. Why, Christian, why? I don’t want to see another Henry win either, but the agony of this match continues! Henry whips Christian into the corner, but there’s a little ref mix-up/distraction, which allows Christian to slip out for the chairshot and feet on the ropes for 1…2…3!

And da winnah is… Christian, chair and rope assisted pinfall.

½*

While I’ll admit I was pleased at the finish, and the HELLA high flapjack was pretty cool, the match was still nowhere near watchable. The match was TOTALLY one-sided, as Christian got one move, a cross-body, and several scattered unmentioned (because they were promptly no-sold) strikes. Henry is just too slow and generic, and doesn’t even get any pops (although a small “USA!” chant broke out as Christian went up for his second cross-body). Why is he even here? So you’re the world’s strongest man… go pull trains by your teeth or something, because you’re not wanted here. If Stampede Wrestling was the #1 promotion instead of the WWE, he wouldn’t make the cut, that’s for damn sure!

 

wh00! EVEN MORE COMMERCIALS!

Recap

Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle

I didn’t notice it on Smackdown! when it originally aired, but now I noticed the few seconds of reshot ending. I was hoping for a WCW-style unintentionally hilarious production snafu, but I was out of luck. Oh, and I hope this ending sets up an Angle vs. Rock vs. Undertaker three-way at Vengeance, otherwise I really don’t know why they did it. You’re not supposed to screw heels!

 

wh00! YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY COMMERCIALS!

Main Event

“The Trailer Trash Twosome” Jamie Noble & Nidia vs. Hurricane, “The WWE’s Only Real Superhero”

They replay Noble (why did they get the K out?) and Nidia’s Smackdown! promo, which I thought was really cute, although I find it hard to believe she never had running water before… anyway, as the two enter, someone in the crowd has a “Nidia = Trailer Park Trash” sign, as if it’s a bad thing. After everyone’s stood back, and the Hurricane came through, Noble gets Hurricane in the corner and beings with an onslaught of stomps, punches & shoulder blocks, and telegraphs a kick. Hurricane recovers, and goes up, up, and away with a cross-body and a set of amateur wrestling takedowns and a cover, but wouldn’t you know it; Nidia is still so ecstatic about running water that she HAS to tell the ref, right then and there, which unfortunately causes him to miss the count. That sucks for Hurricane. Noble kicks out and, having read Mark’s column, begins working Hurricane’s leg, pulling it out in a half boston crab, an STF (only with the force emphasized on the legs instead of pulling back the neck), and pulling the leg up and slamming it down on the mat. He then puts the leg in the ropes and kicks at it more, and after the ref has him break it up he follows up with a knee-breaker and an ankle lock (from the front, not Angle’s ankle lock). A figure four attempt is reversed by Hurricane into a roll-up, but Noble kicks out and keeps working the leg, putting it in another submission hold, while Hurricane desperately slaps and strikes Noble to break out of the hold. Noble obliges, but keeps kicking the leg, until Hurricane gets back his momentum with a sunset flip! A clothesline! A neckbreaker! RIGHT HANDS~! A powerslam! (uhh… what about your leg dude?) Finally, a super-cover for 1…2…Noble kicks out (must be the kryptonite he keeps in his back pocket)! Undaunted, Hurricane is back with a kick to the chin (*ahem* the leg?!), and a top rope neckbreaker for 1…2…Noble kicks out again, so Hurricane kicks him out, sending him over the top rope and a Tope Con Hilo (that’s what it was referred to as on the board, better than my "leap off the second rope over the top"). Again I ask… WTF happened to all of Noble's leg work?! Back in, Hurricane attempts to suplex in Noble from the ring apron, but Nidia not so gently reminds him of what he’s supposed to be selling by pulling out his foot, causing Hurricane to fall and Noble to flip out of the suplex. Hurricane complains to the ref and goes for the chokeslam, but Noble flips out of it and puts on the Trailer Hitch for some Hurri-tapping! WOO BOY!

And da winnah is… Jamie Noble, submission

***

I would have given the match a higher rating, as there was great use of ring psychology on Noble’s behalf by going after the leg like a horny French poodle (ironically, the day after he was cited as a main example of wrestlers who should be using more psychology in Mark’s column), but Hurricane totally messed up by totally no-selling it during his super-adrenaline-rush. I love the guy, and you could argue his no-selling away as part of his gimmick, but he really screwed up this time, and it ruined the match.

 

That’s all for this week. As always, I’d like to end by shilling for my Amazon.com wishlist – I may have running water, but I certainly don’t have any of these items! I also don’t have any feedback… I was much "looser" with my commentary this week, so let me know if you like that better or worse or if you even noticed. See you in 7!

 

Edward Robins

[email protected]

Amazon.com Wishlist - A Dollar Today Means Salvation Tomorrow!

My DVD List... sure it’s got nothing to do with Velocity; so what?