Guest TSMAdmin Report post Posted October 3, 2002 Well, this should be an interesting Velocity, seeing as how the usual Velocity players already jobbed on Smackdown! Orton, Henry, Tajiri, and Kidman (OK, so Kidman won, he still already showed up) were all on TV earlier in the week. I’m not too up on how the WWE tapings work, but does everyone work double duty, or will we be blessed by an appearance of the mysterious jobbers to the jobbers to the midcard (Funaki, Hugh Morrus)?! Read on, dearest readers, and discover… But first, kick it into hyper-drive, it’s time for the WWE’s fastest show, Velocity! (You’ll forgive my lack of a decent introduction this week, for whatever reason I’ve been “off” all night; I could barely catch all the moves in the matches, even after several rewinds. I don’t even have a legitimate excuse like work stress, crazy weather, AOHell, or a pregnant fiancée, either!) Opening Match “The Unpowerbombable” Billy Kidman vs. Chavo “I’m Related to the Gobbledygooker!” Guerrero OK, so far that’s one double-duty for tonight. Anyone know why the WWE dropped the “Jr.” from Chavo’s “official name”? Anyway, we begin with a lock-up, and Kidman comes out ahead with an arm drag and a shoulder block. Chavo responds with a kick to the stomach and various chops and even an uppercut, but Kidman flips and drop-kicks him. Guerrero tosses Kidman to the corner and grabs his legs, but Kidman reverses and leg scissors him outside. Kidman goes for a baseball slide, but Chavo casually dodges it, only to yank Kidman out and give him a wicked crucifix onto the barricade and a Russian Leg Sweep (ouch!). To top it all off, Al Snow and Michael Cole are actually giving CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTARY (!) and talking about the wonders of psychology and how Chavo goes after one body part, in this case the kidneys/lower back. I’m not sure if this is really happening or some weird hallucination… anyway, back in the ring, Chavo connects with more shots to the kidney, some shoulder-blocks, and a backbreaker for a cover and 1…2…Kidman kicks out, and Chavo puts him in a sleeper, then switches submissions and pulls back on the arms (which makes more sense since it subsequently stretches out the back as well). Kidman fights his way up and out of the submission and a headlock, but Chavo puts the pressure back on with an abdominal stretch (first abdominal stretch I’ve seen that I haven’t immediately groaned at… what’s with me tonight?), which Kidman again fights his way out of. In the subsequent cruiserweight lock-up (the one where one guy puts his leg over the other’s head), Kidman gets an enzuigiri, but Chavo catches it and slingshots him into the ropes, still clasping the legs the whole time, so that Kidman lands into a pinning predicament for 1…2…bah! Kidman kicks out again, so Chavo scoop slams him and goes back to submissions, this time tying up the legs and driving his knee into the injured kidney/lower-back area. Then he remembers that he’s contractually obligated to never go over anymore, so he breaks the hold, whips Kidman into the corner and kicks him, but Kidman recovers, scores several knock-downs, and a mid-back body drop (finally, I know the proper name for that move!). Chavo tries to get his momentum back, but Kidman catches him and drives his knee into Chavo’s head (like in a backbreaker, but into the head). Chavo escapes and goes up to the top turnbuckle, but Kidman goes up as well and the two have a short exchange up there, which unfortunately leads to no “holy shit!” spots or Shooting Star Presses. Back on the ground, Chavo hits a running backbreaker and goes for a cover, 1…2…Kidman kicks out but is met with a DDT and another cover, 1…2…damn it, just let Chavo win for once! Kidman is up, hits a top-rope hurricanrana and covers for 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Billy Kidman, pinfall *** Like last week’s opener, which also featured Kidman, this was good, but not great. Unlike last week’s, however, this featured some pretty sweet offense from one Chavo Guerrero, which made it better than last week’s because I’ve never seen Chavo get in this much offense, and I’ve always been partial to “religious powerbombs” (crucifix powerbomb onto barricade = stars galore!). Alarmingly, this is the second week in a row that the Shooting Star Press is M.I.A. Without it, Kidman’s still a damn solid cruiserweight (and apparently the #1 contender for Jamie Knoble’s belt), but he lacks that extra special something that only a Shooting Star Press can provide. wh00! COMMERCIALS! Recap More Fun with the nWo Shawn Michaels really wants Triple H back; so much, in fact, that he’s making blind threats if he doesn’t join the nWo (or, as Microsoft Word’s spell checker calls it, the “now”). Hey HBK, why not save us the agony of a storyline going nowhere fast and pull a SHOCKING SWERVE~!, bringing back Virgil, Stevie Ray, Scott Steiner, or hell, even the Blue Meanie to join in Nash’s place? It’s not like anyone’s given a damn since ’96 anyway… Exciting (read: cruiserweight) Midcard Match Tajiri, “The ‘Other’ Japanese Guy, Who DOESN’T Job Every Match” vs. Shannon “Sensational, Although NOT As A Singer-Songwriter” Moore Shannon Moore is a name I’ve heard thrown around on the board every now and then, and as someone who never got to see much of the old WCW, it’s good to finally see him in action. First impressions are everything and… hey, it’s Essa Rios! He dyed his hair blonde! Oh… never mind. Tajiri & Moore lock up, but Moore elbows his way out and delivers a series of arm drags, a drop-kick, and another arm drag with a bit of extra flippy floppy on the side. Moore then charges… right into a stiff kick from Tajiri. Tajiri follows up with various strikes in the corner, and an Irish whip to the other corner. Moore reverses the whip, but Tajiri “catches” him for a cover, but Moore rolls through and reverses into a cover of his own for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out, and drop-toe holds Moore into a very interesting submission hold, where Tajiri is stretching out Moore’s legs with his legs, bridging, and stretching his arms and choking Moore. OK, the bridging is probably just for show but it still looks pretty weird and very cool, especially as Moore struggles to the ropes and it looks like Tajiri is crab-walking over him. Anyway, Moore makes it to the ropes, and Tajiri breaks the hold but follows up with a scoop slam, a loud screech, an elbow drop, and a cover for 1…2...but Moore, aided no doubt by ear plugs, kicks out. Tajiri backs Moore into the corner and gets to choppin’, but Moore puts Tajiri into the corner and delivers some chops of his own! Moore scores with a running clothesline, but Tajiri turns an Irish whip into a Tarantula. After breaking the hold, Tajiri kicks out Moore’s leg while standing on the apron. Nice touch. Tajiri screeches again and goes up top, but misses the moonsault (probably because Moore heard his screech and knew he was up to something… when will those heels learn?). The two have a short brawl, but Moore comes out ahead with a dropkick, not one, but TWO clotheslines, a swinging neckbreaker, and a cover for not three, but TWO. An Irish whip to the corner is reversed by Tajiri, but Moore kicks him in the face, and hits a moonsault of his own! Yeah, moonsaults! Moore ducks one of Tajiri’s kicks, and hits a split-legged brainbuster variation for 1…2…Tajiri kicks out, and as Moore goes for a charge, Tajiri shoves him over the top rope to the outside. Tajiri slides out as Moore slides in. Ummm… OK. Moore scores with a baseball slide, signals to the crowd, and performs a super-duper AWESOME hand-spring heel dive over the top rope (err… plancha?) onto Tajiri! He tosses Tajiri into the ring, and instead of going for the cover, goes up, but is met on the way down by a kick from Tajiri, and another right to the temples for the 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Tajiri, pinfall *** 1/2 All right, Shannon Moore! I still think he looks like a blonde Essa Rios, but I’m still damn impressed. A really cool hand-spring heel plancha (I have to get used to calling them that), a brainbuster variation, a weird submission move from Tajiri and moonsaults make me a happy man. The two seemed to have a natural chemistry, aside from the awkward slide in/slide out spot (although that was the only way to set up the aforementioned awesome plancha), and I hope to see Shannon Moore again soon, and probably will, since Smackdown! will presumably be Rey Rey’s territory. wh00! MORE COMMERCIALS! Recap Finally… THE ROCK HAS COME BACK! Yea, whatever. Kurt Angle breaks up a 20-minute boring-ass promo (made ever the more boring because it was hyped for weeks and did nothing for anyone, aside from plug Halloween: Resurrection), only to be forced to tap to his own submission maneuver, which, like all of Rock’s submission maneuvers, is applied rather sloppily and unconvincingly. A word of advice, Kurt: I realize nobody else will put over your Ankle Lock anymore, but you could’ve held out at least a little while before tapping. wh00! STILL MORE COMMERCIALS! Boring (read: Albert) Midcard Match Randy “Lil’ Cowpoke” Orton vs. “No Longer Phat” Albert There’s a Randy Orton sign in the audience… what? Weird. Albert shoves Orton, and Orton punches Albert back. Albert punches Orton back, and picks him up to ram him into the turnbuckle, but Orton slips out and Albert eats turnbuckle. Orton kicks at the legs, but Albert military presses him. Orton lands on his feet (?) and dropkicks Albert’s legs, then hits The Best (by Default) Dropkick in the Business and covers for 1…2…no! Orton follows up with those vicious ROOKIE RIGHT HANDS~!, but Albert catches him coming off the ropes and, grabbing him, rams him into the turnbuckle, then rams him into the other turnbuckle, and finishes off with a running power slam and cover for 1…2…Orton kicks out, but Albert gets him in the ribs and slingshots him up into the bottom rope and covers again for 1…2…nope. Albert goes to the second turnbuckle for a Banzai drop, but Orton had it well scouted and puts the knees up (apparently Orton had it VERY well scouted, as he clearly put up his knees before Albert left the turnbuckle). Various brawling leads to Orton stuck in a corner with a charging Albert, but Orton shoulder-blocks Albert, and when Albert goes for another charge, he puts in a boot to the face. Finally, Orton is up top and gives Albert what looks like a bulldog on the way down. He covers for 1…2…nope, Albert kicks out, so Orton Irish whips him, and runs off the ropes for his patented Cross-Body for 1…2…Albert kicks out again. Albert decides to end this match, and goes for the Baldo Bomb… but wait! Orton struggles and drop-kicks Albert in the face as he’s being lifted! That’s a pretty intelligent way to counter that move, wonder why no one else ever thought of it before? Albert shoves Orton into the corner, and gives him a running splash for 1…2…Orton gets his foot on the ropes, but Albert doesn’t know it and thinks he won the match. Ummm… can’t Albert count? It’s pretty easy to tell the difference between two and three slaps on the mat. Anyway, Albert argues with the ref, and goes for a final charge, but Orton dodges and grabs a school-boy for 1…2…3! And da winnah is… Randy Orton, well-educated pinfall. Post match, Albert hits a bicycle kick, a reverse swinging neckbreaker, leaves the ring, then comes back for a Baldo Bomb and taunting to get his heat back. And some of you guys think HHH is bad… at least he waits until the next PPV to get his job back! ** This match was decent, with perfectly acceptable wrestling, but a bit too much brawling and power moves. Orton was working on Albert’s legs, a sound strategy, but Albert didn’t sell and Orton forgot to keep on it, so there goes the strategy/psychology points. As much as buffybeast may like him, Albert’s simply not very interesting. He did have the crowd boo’ing him during the post-match beat down however, which is a testament to Orton’s future, as the people obviously care about him enough to get behind him when he actually wins for once. wh00! EVEN MORE COMMERCIALS! Recap Aww Fudge… you mean to tell me THE ROCK HAS COME BACK, AGAIN?! Undertaker chokeslammed The Rock earlier, so he has to get his heat back by making Angle and Undertaker look like chumps after Smackdown’s main event. Undertaker also makes Angle tap for the second time that show… anyone who thinks Angle is in the main event at Vengeance for any purpose other than doing the job is a fool, and that’s coming from someone who likes Angle. wh00! ONLY CANDY-ASS JABRONIS WOULDN’T WANT MORE COMMERCIALS! Mini-Recap Canadians Are Evil, Eh? Team Canada invaded on the 4th of July and have caused various mischief ever since. They claim to be misrepresented by the U.S., and they do have a point. The Rock gets two full recaps, and they, despite being more talented and infinitely more interesting, only get half a recap because they’re Canadian. Capitalist American scum! Main Event “If Only It Were Just A” Test vs. “(snicker)” Big Valbowski Good to see America being represented by… ummm… a Canadian? I don’t understand, is he a “good” Canadian? Oh, Finkel went to great lengths to inform that Val is actually from Las Vegas (I thought that was where Godfather was supposed to be from). Anyway, Val starts us off with some all-American RIGHT HANDS~! and mudhole stomping. Test misses a charge, and Val hits a drop toe hold and an all-American dropkick outside. After a short chase, with one strike, that does absolutely nothing other than fill time, both men re-enter the ring, and Test hits a clothesline, some evil Canadian punches, and a whip to the corner, followed by a clothesline. Just to accentuate that he’s Canadian, and thus evil, Test repeats the spot. You fiend! You… you CANADIAN! Test hits a series of punches and shoulder blocks on Val in the corner, and Val goes up, but doesn’t come down as planned, because the next spot is Test simply punching him, and punching him again, but third time’s the charm, as Val counters with punches of his own! Test gets a kick in, but Val’s hit the jack-pot with a series of knock-downs, a scoop slam, and a knee drop for 1…2…Test kicks out and goes for a Pump Handle Slam, but Val slips out of it, and gets an elbow to the face for his troubles. Val takes Test down into a reverse figure four, and Test is yelling at the top of his lungs and is really really red. It’s quite the sight, and will probably make many Test-haters’ wall-paper. Test recovers, and goes for a full nelson slam and a cover (uhh… the leg?) for 1…2…Val kicks out, and Test limps a bit. At least he tried to acknowledge it, unlike another boring big man who just had a match. After a short brawl, Val hits the leg again, and dodges the Big Boot, nails a spinebuster, which gets a huge pop, but before Val can follow up with his sit-up powerbomb pin Test gets a mule kick for the DQ. Ouch… talk about a money shot! And da winnah is… Big Valbowski, DQ. Post-match, Test hits a Big Boot on Val to prove his evil Canadian worth and limps away. ** Another decent match. However, if they’re trying to get over Team Canada as a threat to anything, wouldn’t it help if, say, Test had WON his two matches this week, instead of losing them? Of course, Test could’ve sold the leg better, too. He hit the Big Boot with his "injured leg"… now call me crazy, but after the working that Valbowski had just put on it, wouldn’t the pressure from using it to strike hurt a LOT? Also, what’s up with the DQ ending in the main event? DQ’s are always disappointing. Of course, given that Test is Canadian, Vince probably WANTS him to get DQ’ed, just so that you WILL be disappointed in his matches. Capitalist American scum! And so ends another thrilling Velocity. It seemed to me that the matches were longer this week, as there were only four, instead of five, but I still don’t get why there were four guys working double-duty. However, it was cool to see some more fresh blood, especially since the WWE is making the new guys job without looking weak. I hope Shannon Moore goes places and isn’t wasted like every other cruiserweight talent. Ha! As always, I’d like to remind you that in the spirit of the season, and taking in account that I have no job, you can always buy me a belated Battle of the Boynes’ Day Present! You can also e-mail me or hit me up on the boards with feedback any time. See you in 7! Edward Robins [email protected] A Dollar Today Means Salvation Tomorrow! My DVD List… sure it’s got nothing to do with Velocity; so what? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
